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How Does a Narcissist Act On Milestone Birthdays (Turning 30,40,50 etc) · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what is a narcissist like when they hit a milestone
• 0:04
  birthday like 20-30, forty, 50-60, that type of stuff like
• 0:09
  that, That's what we're talking about today.
• 0:10
  Y'all narcissist. Not only on birthdays, but
• 0:13
  milestone birthdays that are supposed to mean a lot to that
• 0:17
  person or to other people around them in that circle.
• 0:20
  Of course, if you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:21
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist here to give you the mindset, the
• 0:23
  perspective, the inside look at the mind of a narcissist.
• 0:28
  And it's hot right into it. Y'all, if you don't know, today,
• 0:30
  July 14th is my 40th birthday. It's a milestone birthday of
• 0:36
  sorts, right? You turn 40, you're halfway
• 0:38
  home, right? And halfway home is literally
• 0:42
  how I'm looking at it, right? Halfway home, the, the midpoint,
• 0:46
  the middle of the birthday, right?
• 0:48
  It's the middle point, the midpoint, halfway there.
• 0:51
  That's the mind of a narcissistic person, y'all.
• 0:53
  Like today I'm kind of all over the place.
• 0:56
  I've been, I've been expecting it, right?
• 0:59
  But it's just like it's the halfway point of your life,
• 1:02
  right? 40 is just like I know some
• 1:04
  people say 5050 is a 50 is a midlife crisis age, right?
• 1:07
  But I feel like 40 right there. I feel like 40 is technically
• 1:12
  closer to midlife because the if the average man in the United
• 1:15
  States or whatever lives be 7880 years old, you halfway there.
• 1:19
  It's halftime. So I'm like, am I halfway to the
• 1:22
  grave? Is my life halfway over?
• 1:27
  Technically, you could pass away tomorrow, right?
• 1:29
  You might, you couldn't technically, you might not make
• 1:32
  it through today. So every day could be the last
• 1:34
  day, right? Every day could be that, you
• 1:36
  know, every day could be a halfway point to your to your to
• 1:40
  passing away. And narcissist are typically
• 1:45
  going to ruin their own birthdays, right?
• 1:46
  This is how narcissistic people react.
• 1:48
  This is how narcissistic people act.
• 1:49
  They're going to ruin their birthdays.
• 1:51
  Most of them now me. Yeah, I've been.
• 1:54
  I've been in therapy for eight years.
• 1:55
  I'm not going to ruin my birthday.
• 1:56
  I haven't done that in years now.
• 2:00
  We don't do anything for my birthday because that's just my
• 2:02
  preference, right? It's just like my wife let's the
• 2:04
  kids make my daughter's upstairs right now making a card for me.
• 2:08
  Like she's drawing stuff and hey, Dad, what do you like?
• 2:10
  What do you want on here? What do you want on here?
• 2:13
  She's asking me. That's cool, right?
• 2:15
  She lets them make me cards and things like that because she's
• 2:17
  teaching them how to give gifts and whatever, right?
• 2:19
  That's cool. I'll do that.
• 2:21
  Anything else? I'm cool, man.
• 2:22
  I got my family, I'm cool. But most narcissists are not
• 2:26
  going to feel that way, right? Most narcissists are going to be
• 2:31
  angry that they're getting older, right?
• 2:33
  They're going to look in the mirror.
• 2:34
  They're always going to come. It's always compare and
• 2:36
  contrast, right? Very rarely are you going to
• 2:39
  find a narcissist that's not comparing and contrasting
• 2:41
  themselves to not only themselves, but to other people.
• 2:45
  Like today is no other. Today is not going to be any
• 2:48
  different. Like I'm still going to like
• 2:51
  most narcissists are still going to compare their lives right now
• 2:55
  to where they could be, where they should be, where they want
• 2:58
  to be. This is why you get a lot of
• 3:00
  narcissists on these milestone birthdays that act out because
• 3:05
  at 40 I'm supposed to have this. I'm supposed to be a multi multi
• 3:08
  trillionaire and supposed to be ruling the world.
• 3:10
  I'm supposed to be ruling the world.
• 3:12
  I'm supposed to be pinky in the brain, right?
• 3:15
  I'm supposed to have more control and more access than
• 3:17
  what I have right now. This is the mom.
• 3:19
  I'm just telling you, most narcissists on their birthdays,
• 3:22
  especially on these milestone birthdays, they're going to get
• 3:25
  going to a depression because they're not where they want to
• 3:28
  be. And the crazy thing about it is,
• 3:31
  narcissists, most of them, most of us are never going to be
• 3:35
  where we want to be emotionally, physically, financially,
• 3:38
  spiritually, We're never going to get to those end points
• 3:40
  because we always want more. When we get to something, when
• 3:43
  we get to a point where we think we're supposed to be happy,
• 3:46
  we're almost always going to want more.
• 3:48
  That's just no if ands or buts about it.
• 3:50
  We're almost always going to want more.
• 3:54
  We're almost always going to be seeking out more.
• 3:56
  Nothing is not, nothing is ever going to be enough.
• 3:59
  That's why you see narcissists, when they set goals, they hit
• 4:01
  those goals. They might be happy for a brief
• 4:03
  moment, but then they're always on to the next thing.
• 4:06
  What's next? When I graduated from college a
• 4:08
  few years ago, I was like, I've always wanted to get my degree
• 4:11
  from college made me feel smarter and people don't know I
• 4:14
  got a bachelor's degree. What's next?
• 4:20
  Literally, that's my mind. My mind literally went to what's
• 4:22
  next. That's how narcissists are.
• 4:24
  So even if they're hitting goals, even if they've achieved
• 4:26
  a lot on their birthdays on by by this milestone birthday 4050
• 4:30
  sixty, however it is right? They're still going to feel like
• 4:34
  they haven't done enough and because you're around them,
• 4:37
  because you or their family or you, their friend who whatever
• 4:40
  role you play in their life, because you are around their
• 4:42
  lives, they're you're going to get the the worst end of it,
• 4:45
  right? You're going to get the brunt of
• 4:47
  it. You're going to feel it.
• 4:49
  I promise you, you're going to feel it.
• 4:53
  No damn there, damn there. No matter what you do, you're
• 4:55
  going to feel it. They're going to make sure you
• 4:57
  feel it. They're going to make sure that
• 4:59
  whatever they feel, you're going to feel.
• 5:02
  If they're in a bad mood, you're going to be in a bad mood.
• 5:05
  If you're in a good mood and they're in a bad mood, they're
• 5:07
  going to ruin your day. Like no gift that you get them
• 5:11
  today is going to be enough. No gift that you get them on
• 5:13
  their birthday, it's going to be enough.
• 5:15
  No gift that you get, like no cake is going to be good enough,
• 5:18
  right? You get the 50th birthday cake
• 5:20
  or the 40th or sometimes the 30th.
• 5:23
  They're going to act up. They really are even on their
• 5:25
  18th birthdays. You imagine an artist is turning
• 5:28
  18 and losing their minds, right?
• 5:30
  They're just so some some artist is just so entitled and just
• 5:34
  uppity. They're going they're going to
• 5:35
  lose their minds on their 18th birthday.
• 5:37
  They didn't they ain't had an opportunity to to vote yet and
• 5:40
  they losing their minds on you. They didn't voted and they
• 5:43
  losing their minds on their parents or their friends or
• 5:45
  whoever the whoever it is in their lives.
• 5:47
  This is just the, it's going to happen.
• 5:50
  It's good. It's crazy because no matter
• 5:52
  what you do as the person dealing with them, the person
• 5:54
  living with them, the person they've been supporting them,
• 5:57
  whatever the case may be, you're going to go above and beyond for
• 6:00
  them. And they're going to make you
• 6:01
  feel like you didn't do enough. They're going to make you feel
• 6:03
  like whatever you did was not enough.
• 6:05
  And they're going to feel they're going to be ungrateful
• 6:07
  for whatever that whatever has happened, they're going to feel
• 6:10
  ungrateful. They're going to act ungrateful
• 6:12
  and they're going to make you feel like you didn't do enough.
• 6:14
  They're going to make you feel bad about trying to celebrate
• 6:16
  their birthday. Like even if they ask you not to
• 6:19
  get them something and then you and then you don't get them
• 6:22
  something, they don't get mad at you.
• 6:24
  You knew I was just joking. You could get me something.
• 6:26
  Wow, Wow. Well, babe, last year I got you
• 6:29
  something on your birthday. You cussed me out because you
• 6:31
  said I shouldn't, I should listen to you.
• 6:33
  So now I get I don't get you something.
• 6:35
  And you said I should have got you something.
• 6:36
  You, you, you should know me right now.
• 6:38
  You got to read my mood. It's impossible.
• 6:41
  It's an impossible game. It really is.
• 6:44
  So in my mind, I can just like in my mind, aging is a blessing,
• 6:49
  right? Because I've been in therapy,
• 6:51
  because I've been doing work with myself.
• 6:52
  Not everybody makes it the 40, right?
• 6:54
  And then I got so many. You have so many other
• 6:56
  narcissists that feel entitled like they they should make it to
• 7:00
  here and they should be rich, famous or whatever.
• 7:03
  They're going to especially they're getting older for
• 7:05
  narcissists is going to be anchor is going to bring about
• 7:08
  anger because they're getting older, because their looks are
• 7:11
  possibly fading. You know somebody somehow, you
• 7:13
  might have a silver fox or a baddie, right?
• 7:17
  But a lot of times you're going to feel like your looks are
• 7:19
  fading. So you get a narcissistic woman
• 7:21
  that's getting older. 4056 No, you married to that one.
• 7:26
  That's your boy, that's your girlfriend, woo.
• 7:28
  That's your wife, woo. That's your partner, woo.
• 7:32
  That's your Mama, that's your sister, that's your cousin, woo.
• 7:36
  Buckle your safety bells up because narcissistic women, as
• 7:38
  they get older or will be a whole different breed, this is a
• 7:42
  lot. A lot of times when they start
• 7:43
  cheating, they get older, they start cheating more because they
• 7:45
  feel like they miss it out on life.
• 7:47
  They start cheating instead of just leaving.
• 7:48
  Some of them will leave. Some of some of them will start
• 7:50
  these sordid affairs and blame their partner.
• 7:52
  Just like you wouldn't, you wouldn't satisfy me and give me
• 7:54
  enough. So yeah, I had to cheat.
• 7:56
  What do you think I was supposed to do?
• 7:57
  Just sit here and wait on you? What?
• 8:00
  You see how crazy that sounds? That's insane.
• 8:02
  But this is the mindset, This is the mentality that a lot of
• 8:05
  people face when you're dealing with narcissistic people as they
• 8:07
  get older. Narcissistic women, if they're
• 8:08
  gonna look in the mirror, see a little wrinkle or something, see
• 8:13
  a Gray hair, I got a Gray hair coming in right here again.
• 8:15
  And they gonna lose their damn minds on you.
• 8:17
  They'll punish you for them getting older.
• 8:19
  You get punished for that narcissist getting older, You
• 8:23
  get punished like they, they were going through depression
• 8:26
  and started spiraling out of control, and there's nothing you
• 8:28
  can do about it. Yeah, you can try.
• 8:30
  You can. You can try, but not my
• 8:31
  background. Yeah, you can try to do what you
• 8:34
  want to do. I mean to try.
• 8:36
  You can try to make them happy, but it's like a damn near this
• 8:39
  damn near a fool's errand, trying to make somebody happy
• 8:43
  that refuses to be happy. Like you'll waste a lot of time,
• 8:47
  effort, and energy on somebody that refuses to be happy.
• 8:50
  Now, look, if you want to go through the motions of doing
• 8:53
  something on their birthday, even though you know they're
• 8:55
  going to get mad either way, it's kind of like you.
• 8:57
  It's kind of like you get to put into these situations right
• 9:00
  where it's like a catch 22. You're damned if you do and
• 9:04
  you're damned if you don't. I tell people, choose the
• 9:07
  damned. Of course, safety first, choose
• 9:10
  the damned that you can live with, right?
• 9:13
  If you want to do something for their birthday, because that's
• 9:15
  who you are. Hey, they're going to, they're
• 9:17
  going to get mad regardless. To be ungrateful, do it anyway
• 9:20
  because that's you. If you're a good person, all
• 9:22
  right, But if you don't want to do nothing and they're going to
• 9:25
  get mad regardless, don't do nothing.
• 9:27
  Hey, this is up to you. This is the power is in your
• 9:29
  hands. If you want to do something for
• 9:31
  them and they're going to be ungrateful, you have to have it
• 9:34
  in your mind already that they're going to be ungrateful,
• 9:37
  OK? You got you doing this for you.
• 9:39
  You ain't doing it for them, right, 'cause they're going to
• 9:43
  get, yeah, they're going to get mad anyway.
• 9:45
  They're going to be pissed off anyway.
• 9:46
  They're going to give you this silent tree.
• 9:48
  They're going to rage out on you.
• 9:49
  They're going to make you, they're going to be ungrateful.
• 9:51
  They're going to make you feel like whatever you've done is not
• 9:52
  good enough, right? They had, they are.
• 9:55
  They're going to make you feel like whatever you've done is not
• 9:58
  good enough for them. It's true.
• 9:59
  They truly, truly are, right? So this is the thing that you
• 10:02
  have to deal with seriously. Because like, like I said, I do
• 10:07
  feel like in my mind, of course I'm going, of course I've been,
• 10:10
  just because I've been in therapy doesn't mean that the
• 10:12
  personality disorder has just went away, right?
• 10:14
  It hasn't gone away. It's still 100% here, right?
• 10:18
  So those thoughts go through my mind like I'm getting older.
• 10:20
  I haven't accomplished enough in my life.
• 10:22
  I haven't done anything. I haven't left a legacy.
• 10:24
  My life has been pathetic. I'm, I'm worthless.
• 10:26
  All these thoughts are going through my head, right?
• 10:28
  But because I've done the work, because I'm still doing the
• 10:31
  work, I counteract those. I counteract those thoughts with
• 10:34
  gratitude, gratitude. And it's damn near like
• 10:38
  gratitude and anger, gratitude and depression can't exist in
• 10:41
  the same space. So I'm grateful, I look at my
• 10:44
  kids, I'm like, I'm grateful I go to the gym today, get my get
• 10:47
  my oldest son in the gym with me.
• 10:48
  Like matter of fact, I did some of all my kids today.
• 10:50
  Just thought about that. Literally my wife, my wife was
• 10:54
  my wife was a superhero. Y'all, she's a stay at home
• 10:55
  parent. She's a superhero.
• 10:56
  I was just, I'm so grateful for her.
• 10:58
  She literally took her, her best friend.
• 11:02
  She drove to Atlanta to go to the Beyoncé concert last night,
• 11:05
  yesterday. So she left at 9:00 AM Sunday,
• 11:08
  right? She left 9:00 AM Sunday.
• 11:10
  Get back. Listen to this.
• 11:12
  They didn't stay in. I thought they were going to
• 11:13
  stay in Atlanta like you were more than able to stay in
• 11:15
  Atlanta. And I will get the kids to camp
• 11:18
  in school or whatever. And she, they, they had to come
• 11:21
  back because my, my, my wife's best friend, her son is with
• 11:26
  his, with her parents and their daughter is with them.
• 11:28
  So they drove all the way to Atlanta with the Beyoncé, went
• 11:30
  to the Beyoncé concert with my 15 year old, like niece or
• 11:33
  whatever, right? Drove all the way back here, got
• 11:35
  here at 6:00 this morning, damn near.
• 11:38
  So my, my son, my middle son, Kingston, he has to be at camp
• 11:42
  at 8:00. So I drop him off at camp.
• 11:45
  I get up, get his stuff ready. My wife helps me out.
• 11:48
  I drop him off at camp, right Then I come home.
• 11:51
  He's like a 25 minute drive. I come home, get my daughter
• 11:53
  ready. She, she goes to camp at 9:00.
• 11:56
  Then I come home, take a quick nap, get my oldest son up.
• 11:59
  We go to the gym. We spend 2 1/2 hours in the gym.
• 12:00
  So I just got back here and recorded this video.
• 12:02
  Now my daughter's home from camp making a card.
• 12:05
  I'm just grateful man. Just send to all my kids.
• 12:08
  I really am grateful. I'm grateful for all of y'all
• 12:10
  too, man. I'm, I'm super grateful for all
• 12:12
  of y'all. I, I, I don't think y'all
• 12:13
  understand how grateful I am like this, the this, this
• 12:17
  journey I'm on. I'm super grateful.
• 12:21
  I'm just, I can't believe how far I've come into life and I'm
• 12:23
  just like, I can't imagine being this far.
• 12:26
  I can't imagine anything getting to this point of where I've
• 12:29
  touched so many lies and y'all have touched my life as well.
• 12:32
  I'm extremely, extremely grateful for all of y'all, my,
• 12:35
  my family, my kids, everybody. It's been, it's been, it's been
• 12:39
  a journey y'all and I'm crying. Y'all gonna be crying with no
• 12:42
  video. This is weird.
• 12:46
  I'm grateful though. Y'all see this as gratitude.
• 12:49
  It really is gratitude. It really is.
• 12:53
  I should cut that part up, but I'm not gonna cut it out.
• 12:54
  Y'all got me. I'm 40, I'm 40.
• 12:58
  Is look, there was not me really crying.
• 13:01
  There's this old age make you cry, right?
• 13:06
  I'm so grateful for y'all though.
• 13:07
  I'm so grateful for my kids. I really am.
• 13:09
  So it's just like, I can't imagine like what my life would
• 13:13
  be like without the gratitude that I have, you know, and God
• 13:18
  requires gratitude. God is a big part of my journey
• 13:20
  as well. God requires gratitude.
• 13:21
  God's like you got to be grateful, find gratitude.
• 13:24
  That's why I think most nurses are missing is the ability to be
• 13:27
  grateful. So there is the ability to just
• 13:29
  sit in the moment and be grateful for what they do have,
• 13:32
  right? I'm able to do that.
• 13:34
  That's why I'm able to be be grateful for my entire life, for
• 13:37
  my kids, for my family, everybody, right?
• 13:41
  Seriously, that's why I'm just like, I'm so proud of her.
• 13:43
  This is like this journey has been crazy, man.
• 13:45
  It really has. I'm super grateful.
• 13:47
  I feel like that's what I've been missing.
• 13:49
  That's what most narcissists are missing, the ability to be
• 13:51
  grateful. You can't be grateful for your
• 13:54
  birthdays. You can't be grateful for
• 13:55
  getting older because you're so stuck and your, your ego is in
• 13:57
  the way. It's like ego, your pride, your
• 13:59
  shame, all this stuff is in the way of you being grateful.
• 14:03
  So if you're a narcissist watching this, find a way to be
• 14:05
  grateful. Like damn you there's so many
• 14:09
  people that didn't make it to 30401810, 20304050 like so many
• 14:14
  people don't get to make it this far.
• 14:17
  So if you're a narcissist watching this, be grateful for
• 14:19
  the how far you've made it and be grateful for the ability to
• 14:23
  go take your ass to therapy and be a better human being.
• 14:28
  Anyways y'all I know I've been rambling.
• 14:29
  Y'all thank y'all so much. I saw somebody, somebody this
• 14:33
  morning had sent me like a super sticker for my birthday.
• 14:35
  There's like happy birthday late.
• 14:36
  I appreciate that. The little super chats and super
• 14:38
  stickers. I appreciate that.
• 14:39
  Y'all don't remember my birthday from last year.
• 14:41
  That's crazy. I'm super grateful for the Super
• 14:43
  stickers. Check out my like, well, today's
• 14:47
  my birthday. Yeah.
• 14:48
  So I'm turning 40, right? I'm halfway there.
• 14:51
  So turning 40. I'm halfway there.
• 14:53
  If you want to take one of my courses or my my courses at
• 14:57
  mentalillness.net, entered the code mothers or fathers and you
• 15:02
  get 50% off. I might also add the code
• 15:05
  Grateful. Grateful you've made it this far
• 15:07
  into the old Grateful and it'll give you, yeah, 50% off too.
• 15:11
  Yeah, 50%. Yeah.
• 15:13
  It's stupid. You know, I've seen other people
• 15:15
  out here with $1000 courses. Mine are not that expensive
• 15:19
  either. The code mothers or fathers,
• 15:21
  5050%. I've been rambling too much,
• 15:23
  man. I'm not going to cut it though.
• 15:24
  This is, I don't cut this part. Mental illness.net into the code
• 15:28
  mothers or fathers for 50% of y'all.
• 15:30
  I'm super grateful for everything y'all y'all have
• 15:33
  provided me with. Y'all seriously, click one of
• 15:35
  these. Watch another one on the channel
• 15:36
  for my birthday present. So hit the subscribe button
• 15:38
  y'all. Peace.