Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 463. Navigating Complex Friendships, Feeling Stuck in a Year of "Almosts" & Job Anxiety (Headnoise)

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463. Navigating Complex Friendships, Feeling Stuck in a Year of "Almosts" & Job Anxiety (Headnoise) · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:25
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode of today.
0:28
Speaker 2: So this is a.
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Speaker 1: Head Noise episode for those of you that are new
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Speaker 1: to the podcast, which we literally had like three hundred
0:35
Speaker 1: thousand new listeners to the podcast this year alone, according
0:39
Speaker 1: to Spotify wrapped.
0:40
Speaker 2: So bonjeor to all of you. But if you are
0:43
Speaker 2: new to.
0:44
Speaker 1: This podcast, the head Noise episodes are where you, guys
0:47
Speaker 1: write in your head noise and we try and kind
0:49
Speaker 1: of unravel it and come to some sort of a
0:51
Speaker 1: solution or conclusion or something.
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Speaker 2: Or at the very least, what I like to do
0:55
Speaker 2: is get.
0:56
Speaker 1: You asking yourself questions that maybe you haven't thought about.
0:59
Speaker 1: That helps get you closer to making your own solution,
1:02
Speaker 1: all right, So if I can't give you an answer,
1:04
Speaker 1: at least I try and kind of point you in
1:08
Speaker 1: the direction where you might find the answer for yourself.
1:11
Speaker 1: So this episode, I'm doing emailed in questions. As you
1:14
Speaker 1: guys know, I do the voicemail questions, and I do
1:17
Speaker 1: the email questions, and I try and do it like
1:19
Speaker 1: an even amount. We have had so many questions come through.
1:23
Speaker 1: The titles are unbelievable. I know you guys know that
1:26
Speaker 1: I fucking love a good title, so keep them coming
1:29
Speaker 1: in thick and fast. But yeah, we're just trying to
1:32
Speaker 1: get through more. So I'm going to be doing more
1:34
Speaker 1: head Noise episodes. My Monday episodes are going to stay
1:36
Speaker 1: the same, but you're going to see more head noise
1:38
Speaker 1: episodes because A you guys are asking so many questions,
1:41
Speaker 1: which I love so much, and.
1:42
Speaker 2: B they do really well.
1:45
Speaker 1: You guys seem to really enjoy listening to other people's
1:48
Speaker 1: head drama, either.
1:49
Speaker 2: Because it's just tea or because you.
1:52
Speaker 1: Probably think I'm going to learn something from this that
1:54
Speaker 1: I could apply to my life. So let's get straight
1:56
Speaker 1: into it. The first one we're going to kick off
1:58
Speaker 1: love the it is growing pains or growing apart. This
2:03
Speaker 1: is like I feel like a column title. Hi Alexis,
2:08
Speaker 1: thank you so much for your podcast because if you,
2:10
Speaker 1: I've been able to achieve so much self growth and
2:12
Speaker 1: self love and I recommend DYFM to everyone I know.
2:15
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Also, huge congratulations for becoming a mum.
2:19
Speaker 1: Do go. I'd love to hear your advice on a
2:21
Speaker 1: dilemma I have with one of my oldest friends. I'm
2:24
Speaker 1: currently doing a short term study abroad and one of
2:26
Speaker 1: my long term friends lives here. We have been close
2:29
Speaker 1: friends for about eight years since high school. He went
2:32
Speaker 1: through a lot of difficulties in high school, finding his
2:34
Speaker 1: feet and struggling with mental health issues, and I supported him.
2:37
Speaker 2: A lot through that.
2:38
Speaker 1: Though the friendship has always felt a lot more demanding
2:41
Speaker 1: to me as he relied on me a lot, and
2:43
Speaker 1: it became quite exhausting because I don't normally live in
2:46
Speaker 1: the same country as him. This gradually became lesser as
2:49
Speaker 1: the distance got wider.
2:50
Speaker 2: Fast forward to now.
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Speaker 1: We have grown up a lot and he has a
2:53
Speaker 1: wonderful group of friends here. When I met them, his
2:56
Speaker 1: friends told me it was like quote, finally mating a celebrity,
3:00
Speaker 1: because he had idolized me so much and could not
3:02
Speaker 1: contain his excitement for me to be living here. However, however,
3:08
Speaker 1: he has been really horrible to me since I arrived,
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Speaker 1: constantly being thirty minutes to an hour later our hangouts,
3:14
Speaker 1: never making plans, taking calls from friends, and staying on
3:18
Speaker 1: the calls while we're having a dinner or coffee together,
3:20
Speaker 1: and straight up leaving our plans because he received better
3:24
Speaker 1: offers on said calls.
3:26
Speaker 2: That's okay. This has happened on many occasions.
3:32
Speaker 1: I eventually had enough, and I tried to have an
3:34
Speaker 1: open conversation with him about the importance of punctuality and
3:37
Speaker 1: respecting each other's time, and how I wanted to be
3:40
Speaker 1: more communicative about this moving forward. He took it awfully
3:44
Speaker 1: and got defensive, pulling faces at me, scoffing, and insisting
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Speaker 1: we go back through our messages because I was wrong
3:50
Speaker 1: about the timing aka completely missing the point. I tried
3:54
Speaker 1: to reiterate that I was only raising it to clear
3:56
Speaker 1: the air because I cared about our friendship, but he
3:58
Speaker 1: really didn't understand.
4:00
Speaker 2: Apologize, so we just brushed it off.
4:02
Speaker 1: I received a message from him later that day telling
4:05
Speaker 1: me that he was so proud to talk about me
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Speaker 1: to his friends, and then he didn't want me to
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Speaker 1: leave my study abroad because of how much he loved
4:11
Speaker 1: having me around.
4:12
Speaker 2: It felt like a total breadcrumb.
4:14
Speaker 1: Because it seems like he liked the idea of being
4:16
Speaker 1: friends with me, but not the effort it takes to
4:18
Speaker 1: maintain our friendship.
4:19
Speaker 2: I decided not to plan.
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Speaker 1: Anything further with him and put the ball in his
4:22
Speaker 1: court to initiate something. He has not reached out for
4:24
Speaker 1: two weeks. It's been really upsetting. But I have no
4:27
Speaker 1: idea what to do. I've made a lot of new
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Speaker 1: friends of my study abroad, and I'm really loving my
4:31
Speaker 1: time here otherwise, but this just feels like such a
4:34
Speaker 1: draining friendship.
4:34
Speaker 2: I'm not sure if.
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Speaker 1: It is growing pains or a sign that we have
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Speaker 1: grown apart. I am meant to be spending Christmas with
4:40
Speaker 1: his family and will be leaving to go back to
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Speaker 1: my home country in January, so I don't know whether
4:45
Speaker 1: to raise the issue now and clear the air or
4:48
Speaker 1: just suck it up. Since he took the last conversation
4:50
Speaker 1: so immaturely, I'd love your advice.
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Speaker 2: On what to do.
4:54
Speaker 1: Okay, normally, firstly, that's fucked. I think we can all agree.
4:59
Speaker 1: But normally I would say you should raise it. You
5:01
Speaker 1: need to communicate, you need to be open. You've done that,
5:04
Speaker 1: so there's really nothing you can do. The fact that
5:07
Speaker 1: he has chosen not to be open about it, not
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Speaker 1: to be vulnerable, not to properly hear you out and
5:14
Speaker 1: acknowledge that what you've said aligns with what he's.
5:17
Speaker 2: Actually done, that's on him.
5:20
Speaker 1: You can't do anything about the fact that he's not
5:22
Speaker 1: been able to accept what you've said and acknowledge it
5:24
Speaker 1: and come up with a reasonable response.
5:27
Speaker 2: So if he's going to brush you off.
5:29
Speaker 1: And scoff and be like oh and like being denial
5:32
Speaker 1: and say, look at the text messages, that's not what
5:34
Speaker 1: like you said, he's missing the point, and then to
5:37
Speaker 1: then go back and kind of bread crumb you being like, oh,
5:39
Speaker 1: love you so much whatever, like just this is just
5:41
Speaker 1: him brushing it under the rug. Okay, that's his problem.
5:46
Speaker 1: So would like you said, I don't know whether to
5:48
Speaker 1: raise the issue. There's nothing to raise because you've already
5:50
Speaker 1: raised it. So you've got your answer with how he's
5:54
Speaker 1: going to react. I personally, if I were you, I
5:56
Speaker 1: wouldn't feel the need to raise it again. On top
5:59
Speaker 1: of the fact that so you raised it with him,
6:01
Speaker 1: you allowed him to explain himself or to prove himself verbally,
6:04
Speaker 1: which is like low level of proof because people can
6:08
Speaker 1: talk shit all day. It's really based on the actions.
6:10
Speaker 1: But you've allowed him to talk his way out of it.
6:12
Speaker 2: He didn't.
6:13
Speaker 1: He showed that he wasn't receptive. You've also given him
6:17
Speaker 1: time to invite you to do something, to initiate something,
6:21
Speaker 1: and he hasn't. Okay, So I don't think I think
6:26
Speaker 1: you've you've grown a part.
6:27
Speaker 2: That's what I believe it is.
6:29
Speaker 1: But having said that, I also don't think that you
6:31
Speaker 1: need to do anything drastic and completely cut him out
6:34
Speaker 1: or brush him off all together.
6:36
Speaker 2: I think you.
6:36
Speaker 1: Need to decide what category of friendship this guy falls into. Firstly,
6:41
Speaker 1: I want you to ask yourself, is there any time
6:44
Speaker 1: where we actually do still enjoy each other's company, not
6:47
Speaker 1: comparing it to what it was back in the day.
6:50
Speaker 2: But for what it is now.
6:52
Speaker 1: If you were to eliminate kind of the history that
6:54
Speaker 1: you've had, would you enjoy his friendship standalone as.
6:59
Speaker 2: It is right now?
7:00
Speaker 1: And if the answer is no, then that's your fucking answer.
7:03
Speaker 1: You don't need to fight for this. It's done. It's
7:06
Speaker 1: run its course, and that's not a bad thing.
7:08
Speaker 2: People do evolve.
7:10
Speaker 1: The answer could also be like, you know what, I
7:12
Speaker 1: do still have fun with him. It's not what we
7:14
Speaker 1: used to be, but we can still have a laugh,
7:16
Speaker 1: we can still create new memories together, or he's a
7:18
Speaker 1: good times friend that when we're out we have a ball.
7:21
Speaker 1: But I just can't rely on him for anything. I
7:23
Speaker 1: can't rely on him to even remember something important that
7:26
Speaker 1: I told him that he's going to hit me up
7:27
Speaker 1: a bad in the future and check in on that
7:30
Speaker 1: thing I just can't like. He's not consistent, he's not punctual,
7:33
Speaker 1: he's not all these things. But when we go out,
7:35
Speaker 1: we have a fucking ball. So you've got to determine
7:38
Speaker 1: what that is. What category of friendship he's obviously not
7:40
Speaker 1: in a circle. He might be a good times friend.
7:44
Speaker 1: He might be like an old time sake friend where
7:48
Speaker 1: you like to keep the friendship together because the history.
7:50
Speaker 2: Of the friendship meants so much.
7:51
Speaker 1: Or he might be none of the above, okay, Or
7:54
Speaker 1: he might just be an acquaintance okay. And sometimes friends
7:58
Speaker 1: can go from being a close friend to actually exiting
8:01
Speaker 1: those realms that are close to you and end up
8:03
Speaker 1: being an acquaintance where if you saw them out, you'd
8:05
Speaker 1: have a really good time whatever, but you actually wouldn't
8:07
Speaker 1: get closer than that. So Number one, you've already got
8:10
Speaker 1: y answered. Number two, you know what category of friendship
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Speaker 1: he's in after doing your assessment. And then number three,
8:16
Speaker 1: if you decide that he's still are certain level of
8:20
Speaker 1: friendship that you do enjoy, and then you need to
8:22
Speaker 1: manage your expectations around him. You need to say, well,
8:25
Speaker 1: now that I know that he's no longer in a
8:26
Speaker 1: circle friend, he's no longer this, he's no longer that,
8:29
Speaker 1: I now need to expect a whole lot less.
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Speaker 2: So that might be what's the point of hanging out
8:34
Speaker 2: with him one on one anymore? It's just draining.
8:36
Speaker 1: However, if we're in a group, we can have a
8:38
Speaker 1: really good time, so you could shift the dynamic to
8:40
Speaker 1: be like only group setting.
8:42
Speaker 2: As far as the Christmas that's completely up to you.
8:44
Speaker 1: If you enjoy his family's company, you've got nothing better
8:47
Speaker 1: to do at Christmas?
8:48
Speaker 2: Yeah, fucking do it like you're not trying to cut
8:50
Speaker 2: this man out of here.
8:50
Speaker 1: Maybe you are, I don't know, but as far as
8:52
Speaker 1: it sounds, it's not like you're here to cut him
8:54
Speaker 1: out forever. So Christmas that's just a if it serves you,
8:58
Speaker 1: do it, but again, managing your expectations. If you enjoy
9:02
Speaker 1: his family's company, I would spend christ with his family
9:05
Speaker 1: if there was nothing else that you wanted to do.
9:07
Speaker 1: But I think it's really important that you don't maintain
9:12
Speaker 1: this friendship.
9:13
Speaker 2: But then be riddled with resentment.
9:15
Speaker 1: Okay, if you're going to keep him in your life,
9:17
Speaker 1: it's because you've managed your expectations and you've put him
9:19
Speaker 1: in a different category where you're expecting a whole lot
9:21
Speaker 1: less from him, and then you're able to enjoy the
9:24
Speaker 1: friendship for what it is. I can hang out with
9:26
Speaker 1: him in a group when we're going out and he's
9:28
Speaker 1: really fucking fund spontaneous funny. He makes me laugh, and
9:31
Speaker 1: that's where it ends, okay, because he's kind of uninvited
9:35
Speaker 1: himself from being in the upper echelons of my friendship rankings,
9:40
Speaker 1: and that's perfectly acceptable.
9:41
Speaker 2: Okay. So I've spoken about different friendship categories.
9:44
Speaker 1: Before, and I think it can really help you release
9:47
Speaker 1: this animosity that you hold towards certain friends because of
9:50
Speaker 1: how friendship have evolved over time.
9:53
Speaker 2: So hopefully that helps. But resentment is going to get
9:58
Speaker 2: you nowhere.
9:59
Speaker 1: This is he's shown his true colors through his behaviors
10:02
Speaker 1: and through his words. There is a pattern of behavior here.
10:05
Speaker 1: It's not a one off thing. That's just who he's
10:07
Speaker 1: evolved into currently. If he wants to change that, he knows,
10:11
Speaker 1: he knows what he needs to do. He's just in
10:13
Speaker 1: denial right now. So you've just got to accept it
10:15
Speaker 1: and kind of move along. You need to trot along
10:18
Speaker 1: knowing this information and do something you know productive with
10:22
Speaker 1: that information that he's shown you amazing. Next one, phone anxiety,
10:30
Speaker 1: Just quickly love the pod and congratulations on the twins.
10:33
Speaker 2: Thank you. Just wondering if you can.
10:34
Speaker 1: Give me a few tips on how to deal with
10:36
Speaker 1: phone anxiety. The thought of making or receiving a phone
10:40
Speaker 1: call makes me physically sick. I'm currently applying for jobs,
10:44
Speaker 1: so I'm in a near constant state of anxiety from
10:47
Speaker 1: the moment I wake up until about six pm, when
10:49
Speaker 1: I know it's.
10:50
Speaker 2: Too late for anyone to call. I can't focus on
10:53
Speaker 2: anything else.
10:53
Speaker 1: I can't eat. I feel like I'm on edge of
10:55
Speaker 1: throwing up. I just feel as sick calling to make
10:58
Speaker 1: an inquiry or follow up. I can't focus on anything else.
11:01
Speaker 1: I can't eat, and I feel like I'm on edge.
11:04
Speaker 1: I'm on the edge of throwing up. I feel just
11:06
Speaker 1: as sick calling to make an inquiry or follow up
11:08
Speaker 1: as I do for a phone interview. So I know
11:10
Speaker 1: it's not the anxiety of the interview, it's the phone
11:13
Speaker 1: calls themselves.
11:15
Speaker 2: The phone calls.
11:15
Speaker 1: Always go well enough, but the lead up is killing me,
11:18
Speaker 1: and it's not getting better over time. Last night, I
11:21
Speaker 1: was watching a movie and the phone rang on screen
11:23
Speaker 1: with my ring tone. My stomach plummeted and I started
11:26
Speaker 1: to sweat instantly, even though it only took a second
11:29
Speaker 1: to realize that it wasn't my phone. I'd appreciate any
11:31
Speaker 1: tips on how to deal with it. All I listen.
11:35
Speaker 1: Based on the information that you've told me, I could
11:38
Speaker 1: be getting this wrong. I hope I'm addressing it correctly,
11:41
Speaker 1: because then this advice will just be futile. But from
11:45
Speaker 1: what I gather, this is only happening since you have
11:50
Speaker 1: been applying for new jobs. Because you're saying that you
11:54
Speaker 1: feel just a sick calling to make an.
11:55
Speaker 2: Inquiry or follow up.
11:56
Speaker 1: This is not about a phone call to a friend
11:58
Speaker 1: or to a relative or something that not work related,
12:01
Speaker 1: by the sounds of your email, So I'm gonna answer
12:05
Speaker 1: this question under that kind of concept, all right. So
12:10
Speaker 1: it looks like the root cause of this anxiety has
12:14
Speaker 1: to do with jobs, Okay, job applications, interviews, the whole thing.
12:19
Speaker 1: And like you said, it's not just the interview, because
12:21
Speaker 1: you feel this way across the board when you're calling
12:23
Speaker 1: up for a follow up, when you're calling to make
12:25
Speaker 1: an inquiry. But from what You've said it's only around work,
12:30
Speaker 1: so I feel like the root cause is not necessarily
12:32
Speaker 1: the phone, because you said you also don't feel this
12:35
Speaker 1: anxiety past six pm because it's too late for anyone
12:39
Speaker 1: to call. But I'm guessing if a friend called, you
12:41
Speaker 1: wouldn't get that anxiety because you'd know that it's a friend.
12:43
Speaker 1: So it's not really the phone itself. It's more so
12:45
Speaker 1: communication around employment. Okay, I think maybe this is more
12:52
Speaker 1: to do with fear of being rejected, fear of not
12:56
Speaker 1: getting what you need, whether it be a job and
12:58
Speaker 1: an income for that job, or whether it be particular
13:00
Speaker 1: role or a title that you really like pinning your hopes.
13:03
Speaker 2: And dreams on.
13:04
Speaker 1: Fear of maybe you're not good enough or you're not
13:08
Speaker 1: going to be accepted. You're saying that overall everything's going well,
13:12
Speaker 1: but it's still giving you so much anxiety.
13:13
Speaker 2: I think because you're.
13:14
Speaker 1: Still in the process of trying to get that job,
13:16
Speaker 1: so obviously nothing you know, like concrete, has come through yet.
13:20
Speaker 1: So I think it's more feelings of fear and insecurity,
13:24
Speaker 1: whether it be about insecurity within yourself, insecurity within your abilities,
13:28
Speaker 1: or insecurity around your future. It's this instability that it's
13:32
Speaker 1: causing this kind of anxiety to crop up, and the
13:36
Speaker 1: phone calls, whether you're calling or receiving, is just a
13:39
Speaker 1: reminder of that all day. It's a reminder. Maybe you
13:41
Speaker 1: feel extremely unsteady with where you are in your life,
13:44
Speaker 1: maybe you feel like there's no real stability and it's
13:47
Speaker 1: making you feel very, very uneasy. So I think you've
13:51
Speaker 1: got to go through more questions around what is the
13:55
Speaker 1: feeling that I'm kind of avoiding around work? If I
13:58
Speaker 1: had the job, would this anxiety go away?
14:02
Speaker 2: Right?
14:03
Speaker 1: Have I processed what it actually looks like if I
14:05
Speaker 1: did get rejected from every single job, Like? What would
14:08
Speaker 1: that look like? What would I be left with? Would
14:10
Speaker 1: I actually be okay? Or do I think that my
14:11
Speaker 1: whole life would crumble? Is my fear valid or is
14:15
Speaker 1: it out of proportion?
14:16
Speaker 2: Okay?
14:17
Speaker 1: Do I have a comfortable fallback plan? And can I
14:21
Speaker 1: continuously remind myself of that comfortable fallback plan that if
14:24
Speaker 1: all these interviews went to shit, would I be genuinely okay?
14:29
Speaker 1: And if the answer is no, I wouldn't be genuinely okay?
14:32
Speaker 1: What parameters can I put in place that makes this
14:36
Speaker 1: makes falling back feel a little bit more comfortable that
14:39
Speaker 1: if all this, you know it goes to shit, I
14:43
Speaker 1: know that I'm actually going to be okay, or I'm
14:45
Speaker 1: going to feel safe or I'm going to feel secure.
14:46
Speaker 1: So I think what I would do is I do
14:49
Speaker 1: a bit more exploration on this fear of something not
14:53
Speaker 1: working out and this insecurity of either your future or
14:57
Speaker 1: within yourself and your abilities. I think that's kind of
15:00
Speaker 1: where you want to put your focus on and then
15:02
Speaker 1: ask yourself those questions like, if this didn't go well,
15:06
Speaker 1: what would be my alternative? Do I believe that I'm capable?
15:10
Speaker 1: If I don't believe I'm capable, why is that? And
15:13
Speaker 1: what are thoughts that can counter to that? Because you
15:15
Speaker 1: might be sitting here just only reiterating to yourself all
15:18
Speaker 1: the reasons why you're not deserving off these jobs, but
15:21
Speaker 1: in reality, maybe you're just you know, you have imposter syndrome,
15:26
Speaker 1: and which I have a whole episode on and it's
15:28
Speaker 1: something that you can work around and turn turn around
15:31
Speaker 1: how you feel all right? Hopefully that helped and I
15:33
Speaker 1: wasn't able to give you a straight up solution, but
15:36
Speaker 1: I feel like there's an underlying cause for this.
15:39
Speaker 2: It's not just straight up the phone it's causing this
15:43
Speaker 2: sense sense all right.
15:49
Speaker 1: Last one number three the title twenty twenty five the
15:54
Speaker 1: year of almost but nothing ever happened. Absolutely adore you
15:58
Speaker 1: and the podcast and very grateful for all the knowledge
16:01
Speaker 1: and advice you bring.
16:02
Speaker 2: Also huge congratulations of becoming a mum. Thank you.
16:05
Speaker 1: I was hoping to see if you were able to
16:07
Speaker 1: weigh in on my current situation coming up to the
16:09
Speaker 1: end of the year. I feel I've been in my
16:12
Speaker 1: head a fair bit reflecting, comparing, thinking about where I'm
16:15
Speaker 1: currently at, and I've come to the conclusion that twenty
16:18
Speaker 1: twenty five for me has been the year of almost.
16:22
Speaker 2: I love how you've worded this. By the way, this
16:23
Speaker 2: is a whole article.
16:25
Speaker 1: For example, I almost found a partner, I almost got
16:28
Speaker 1: the promotion, I almost got my finances under control. There
16:31
Speaker 1: are other things, but these would be by Big three.
16:34
Speaker 1: I feel pretty sad and overwhelmed by all these almosts,
16:37
Speaker 1: and I can't quite stop comparing where others who are
16:39
Speaker 1: close to me are at in their own lives. I
16:42
Speaker 1: feel like I'm constantly comparing to those around me, and
16:45
Speaker 1: have more recently become more aware that they are frustrated
16:50
Speaker 1: with all my constant negativity. I do try and make
16:53
Speaker 1: a conscious effort to be more positive and see the
16:55
Speaker 1: almost as lessons or being a step closer to the
16:58
Speaker 1: end result. However, seems to be working and I fall
17:01
Speaker 1: back into what I would say has been my default settings.
17:05
Speaker 1: Despite the above, I have attempted dating again, I still
17:08
Speaker 1: do love my job, and I have set up ways
17:10
Speaker 1: to try and save better. I'm currently twenty six, living
17:13
Speaker 1: with my two best friends who have recently found partners
17:16
Speaker 1: and on the face of things, are living their best lives.
17:18
Speaker 1: I don't want to bring my negative comparing mindset into
17:21
Speaker 1: the new year, and I'm wondering if you have any tips,
17:24
Speaker 1: tricks and advice to leave all those almost in twenty
17:27
Speaker 1: twenty five and become more confident, happy, and proud of
17:30
Speaker 1: who I am.
17:31
Speaker 2: Thank you in advice for any wise words and a
17:33
Speaker 2: reality check. Okay, amazing question.
17:36
Speaker 1: I'm so happy you wrote this. I'm honestly pumped. So
17:40
Speaker 1: the first thing that I'm going to say to you,
17:42
Speaker 1: and I don't want to be patronizing when I say this,
17:44
Speaker 1: but twenty six is so young, and it makes me
17:48
Speaker 1: sad that you feel this way at twenty six, And
17:50
Speaker 1: the reason for that is because I very much can
17:54
Speaker 1: resonate with you, but I have the advantage of hindsight
17:58
Speaker 1: whereas you don't.
17:59
Speaker 2: So it's fair enough that going to feel.
18:00
Speaker 1: This way because I'm you know, would be a hypocrite
18:03
Speaker 1: if I'm saying that you shouldn't feel this way.
18:04
Speaker 2: Because I felt the same way as you.
18:05
Speaker 1: The timeline comparison thing is the best recipe to make
18:09
Speaker 1: you feel like you are kind of there but not
18:12
Speaker 1: quite like your housemates they found they're in a relationship.
18:15
Speaker 1: It's all about your environment and what you're comparing yourself to. Okay,
18:19
Speaker 1: if you were twenty two and the same thing was happening,
18:22
Speaker 1: you'd probably feel like you're falling behind. At twenty two,
18:24
Speaker 1: you know, it's who you're comparing yourself to, right, So
18:28
Speaker 1: it all comes down to zooming out and gaining a
18:31
Speaker 1: little bit of perspective. Okay, Now I want you to
18:35
Speaker 1: look at your twenties as the decade of exploration. Okay,
18:41
Speaker 1: if you imagine that you're going to be fifty, right,
18:45
Speaker 1: and by fifty you have it all worked out, But
18:47
Speaker 1: maybe you worked it.
18:48
Speaker 2: All out in your thirties.
18:49
Speaker 1: Do you want to look back and say, Wow, it
18:52
Speaker 1: all fell into place in my thirties and I was
18:55
Speaker 1: thriving my career. I find everything clicked at thirty hypothetically,
18:59
Speaker 1: I'm just throwing a number there, And here I was
19:02
Speaker 1: wasting my fucking breath, complaining my energy thinking and you know,
19:08
Speaker 1: I'm just wasting my time, really thinking I don't have
19:12
Speaker 1: it all figured out because it's almost happened, but it
19:14
Speaker 1: hasn't happened. And here I am being negative to my friends,
19:16
Speaker 1: stressing out, when really my twenties at the time for
19:20
Speaker 1: trial and error, for exploration, for not necessarily to have
19:23
Speaker 1: everything locked and loaded. Right, You're gonna look back in
19:26
Speaker 1: time and be like I was a spring fucking chicken,
19:29
Speaker 1: and here I was thinking I should have had it
19:31
Speaker 1: all sorted out.
19:32
Speaker 2: That's not what the twenties are about.
19:34
Speaker 1: Now. Your twenties need to be productive. I'm not saying
19:36
Speaker 1: I fuck around and your twenties do absolutely no, no, no,
19:39
Speaker 1: you need to be intentional with your twenties. You need
19:41
Speaker 1: to be productive with this decade, but productive in the
19:45
Speaker 1: sense of this is my time to gain as much
19:48
Speaker 1: information and knowledge and experiences as possible, so that way
19:50
Speaker 1: I'm able to kind of sift out and figure out
19:53
Speaker 1: exactly what I want when I'm closer to my thirties.
19:55
Speaker 1: So that way, when I get to my thirties, I
19:57
Speaker 1: know what I want, I know what I don't want.
19:59
Speaker 1: I can say yes to things, and I can say
20:01
Speaker 1: no to things comfortably. I can walk away and have
20:04
Speaker 1: no regrets and have no second thoughts, and I can
20:06
Speaker 1: do a lot that And I can do that because
20:08
Speaker 1: I had all this time in my twenties. Okay, So
20:12
Speaker 1: I feel like you're rushing to have things worked out
20:15
Speaker 1: purely based on your perspective.
20:17
Speaker 2: You're currently in this situation where the.
20:18
Speaker 1: People closest to you seem to have their shit worked out.
20:22
Speaker 2: But I feel like.
20:24
Speaker 1: If you had everything worked out right now at twenty six,
20:28
Speaker 1: you're going to need to rework out those things by
20:30
Speaker 1: thirty six. So it's not the end of the world
20:33
Speaker 1: if you don't have things worked out. And yes, you
20:36
Speaker 1: can say, oh, it's getting me a step closer. These
20:38
Speaker 1: are like positive mindsets to have it is getting me
20:41
Speaker 1: a step closer. Rejection is redirection all these things, which
20:44
Speaker 1: is true. But I also want you to look at
20:47
Speaker 1: it as this almost has forced me to look at
20:52
Speaker 1: my life in a different way, to explore things differently.
20:55
Speaker 1: Maybe it's pushed me in a new direction. Maybe it's
20:58
Speaker 1: forcing me to explore more, or to think out the box,
21:00
Speaker 1: or to do something that maybe I wouldn't have done
21:03
Speaker 1: had this thing worked out. Okay, because you were pushed
21:06
Speaker 1: in a different direction. The fact that something almost worked
21:09
Speaker 1: out and didn't is assigned to try something different in
21:12
Speaker 1: your life and to go for it. Even if you're
21:14
Speaker 1: not that thrilled about the outcome, you will be later on.
21:18
Speaker 2: This is a gift, So I don't want you to squander.
21:20
Speaker 1: It thinking, oh, as you know well is me and
21:23
Speaker 1: you admitted it yourself that you're you've you know your
21:26
Speaker 1: constant negativity. You should be just as frustrated about your
21:29
Speaker 1: constant negativity as your friends are. Okay, this is a
21:33
Speaker 1: good wake up call for you because if you're saying
21:36
Speaker 1: like imagine, I'd literally want you to imagine that one
21:39
Speaker 1: day you are eighty five, you wake up and someone
21:43
Speaker 1: says we can put you back in your twenty six
21:45
Speaker 1: year old body right now for one year.
21:48
Speaker 2: Would you experience it differently? Yes? You would. You would.
21:51
Speaker 2: You would look at this year with like this is
21:53
Speaker 2: the year of opportunity for me.
21:55
Speaker 1: What could I how can I milk this year, because
21:58
Speaker 1: one day you are going to be well, hopefully you're
22:00
Speaker 1: not a destroied, hopefully you lived to one hundred.
22:02
Speaker 2: But one day you're going to be.
22:04
Speaker 1: At the end of the show, right, and you want
22:08
Speaker 1: to look back on this time and be like, I
22:10
Speaker 1: maximized it.
22:11
Speaker 2: I fucking maximized it. Now quickly tell you about my experience.
22:16
Speaker 1: I had not a fucking dollar to my name when
22:18
Speaker 1: I was twenty nine, I was about to turn thirty.
22:20
Speaker 1: I had no savings, not a dollar to my name,
22:23
Speaker 1: no assets. I had fuck all.
22:25
Speaker 2: I just started studying again, so I was going to
22:27
Speaker 2: be more debt student debt.
22:31
Speaker 1: And on top of that, I had friends that were
22:32
Speaker 1: starting businesses, putting down deposits on investment properties. We're getting engaged,
22:38
Speaker 1: some were getting married.
22:41
Speaker 2: One of them was pregnant. Like everyone was.
22:43
Speaker 1: Like really locked into where their trajectory was going. And
22:47
Speaker 1: I was like, fuck me, honestly, fuck me.
22:51
Speaker 2: But I love that I was.
22:54
Speaker 1: Able to look at that and think, well, no, I
22:57
Speaker 1: was actually kind of stressed and upset about it for
22:59
Speaker 1: a bit.
22:59
Speaker 2: It was an instant.
23:00
Speaker 1: I was where you are at at around twenty nine,
23:03
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't have my shit sorted, I
23:04
Speaker 1: don't at this. I don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. And
23:05
Speaker 1: then I thought, I need to turn this shit around
23:07
Speaker 1: because I'm still really young in the scheme of things,
23:09
Speaker 1: and I can be doing things that make my life
23:11
Speaker 1: really good and really interesting. So then I started doing
23:14
Speaker 1: things differently.
23:14
Speaker 2: I started really.
23:16
Speaker 1: Exploring what I wanted. I started milking, and I stopped
23:18
Speaker 1: looking for a partner. I thought, this is the single
23:21
Speaker 1: era of my life, and I loved it to the
23:23
Speaker 1: extent that I wasn't even really planning on getting in
23:26
Speaker 1: a relationship by the time I met Tyrone. Because I
23:28
Speaker 1: had nailed how I was feeling about my life. And
23:32
Speaker 1: then because of that, because of my exploration attitude towards life,
23:36
Speaker 1: everything started to turn around for me. And because of that,
23:38
Speaker 1: thing started to fall into place. Had I stayed in
23:40
Speaker 1: the mindset of comparing myself to my friends where they
23:42
Speaker 1: were at, I would have felt stuck and stagnant and
23:45
Speaker 1: nothing would have changed for me. So I want the
23:47
Speaker 1: same for you. I want you to look at this
23:48
Speaker 1: as like, no, fuck, no, this is the time, this
23:51
Speaker 1: is the time, Okay, So we need to.
23:55
Speaker 2: Reset, reapproach with fresh eyes.
23:58
Speaker 1: Guys, Thank you so much for listening to this episode
24:00
Speaker 1: of Today.
24:01
Speaker 2: That is all.
24:04
Speaker 1: If you haven't already, definitely go buy a ticket to
24:07
Speaker 1: the Sydney Live Show where we do.
24:09
Speaker 2: Live Q and A.
24:10
Speaker 1: It's like a live head Noise where people submit their
24:13
Speaker 1: questions on the spot and I answer them bang on
24:15
Speaker 1: the spot, as well as a whole other show. So
24:18
Speaker 1: it's yeah, I'm really pumped for it anyway. That is
24:20
Speaker 1: all for today. I love you guys so much, thanks
24:22
Speaker 1: for writing in. As always remembered, be kind to yourself,
24:25
Speaker 1: becan't to your brain, don't text it from anyone, and
24:27
Speaker 1: especially don't text shit from yourself.
24:30
Speaker 2: Don't hu