Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / What it looks like when you ask a narcissist for closure

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What it looks like when you ask a narcissist for closure · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful folks, what happens?
• 0:03
  What does it mean when a narcissist or toxic person ask
• 0:08
  you foreclosure? What the hell does that mean?
• 0:12
  That's what we're talking about today, y'all closure family
• 0:14
  narcissist. Do they provide what it looks
• 0:16
  like? Blah blah blah.
• 0:16
  Boo Boo Boo BBB. If you do hear, my name is Lee
• 0:19
  Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
• 0:21
  welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
• 0:23
  Let's get here. Welcome back, folks.
• 0:44
  Welcome back. Welcome back.
• 0:46
  Yes, closure from a narcissistic person.
• 0:52
  Before we hop too deep in today's episode, y'all make sure
• 0:54
  if you haven't already, check out my kids book.
• 0:56
  It's called Remember it's not your fault.
• 0:58
  It's available on Amazon to help you help help.
• 1:01
  It's a conversation starter to help you and your kids talk
• 1:04
  about narcissistic relationship, toxic relationship, self love,
• 1:06
  all the other good stuff. It's called Remember it's not
• 1:09
  your fault. You find a link in the bio and I
• 1:11
  want Amazon as well. I'll put in the comment section
• 1:13
  too. But yeah, y'all, the myth of
• 1:17
  closure. So many people out there are
• 1:20
  looking foreclosure from a narcissistic person like Lee.
• 1:24
  I need closure. I want closure.
• 1:27
  I got to figure out how to get closure from this person.
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  I got to figure out how to get them to disclose the
• 1:33
  relationship of Lee. How do I do it?
• 1:35
  And I tell people real closure comes from you.
• 1:39
  I know people don't like to hear that.
• 1:40
  When I say that people really don't like to hear that.
• 1:43
  They just don't think it's enough.
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  Like Lee, I need to close this shit for real.
• 1:48
  And I tell them, you seriously don't need closure from them.
• 1:53
  So you need you have to figure out ways to give yourself that
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  closure. Sometimes closure, closing, the
• 1:58
  closing of the relationship can absolutely be the disrespect.
• 2:04
  Sometimes it could be the lie. Sometimes it could be the
• 2:07
  cheating. Sometimes it could it, it it
• 2:09
  should be the abuse. Is the abuse not closure enough?
• 2:15
  Can we not close this thing of the abuse?
• 2:17
  Like what we doing, what we doing?
• 2:19
  Yeah, what we doing here? You see what I'm saying?
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  That's a big thing right there. Sometimes the abuse got to be
• 2:25
  the closure, right? So that makes sense right there.
• 2:28
  But on the flip side of things, there are some narcissistic
• 2:33
  people out there. They will ask you foreclosure,
• 2:37
  they'll reach out to you from foreclosure and whatnot.
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  What's going on, Allison? April, what's going on?
• 2:43
  They'll reach out to you foreclosure.
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  They'll say, you know what? You know what?
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  You, Lisa, you can't just leave me like this.
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  You can't just do me like this. Can you please sit down face to
• 2:58
  face with me and give me some closure?
• 3:01
  I think I deserve some closure, but we can't just walk away from
• 3:05
  the what we have. You can't just do that.
• 3:07
  I need closure right now. And what ends up happening is
• 3:11
  sometimes you'll feel guilty, you'll feel bad, and then you'll
• 3:16
  go sit down and talk to him. Don't do it.
• 3:21
  Don't do it. Narcissists do not listen to me.
• 3:24
  They do not want to close up the relationship.
• 3:28
  They do not want to close it up if they are asking you
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  foreclosure. If they're asking you
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  foreclosure, they want to open it back up.
• 3:42
  It's like treat it like it's opposite day.
• 3:45
  You got to treat a narcissist, ask you foreclosure like it's
• 3:48
  opposite day. They don't want to close it up,
• 3:52
  they want to open it up. Closure means opener.
• 3:56
  It means open. It means opening.
• 3:59
  That's what goes on right there. Closure means opening.
• 4:02
  If you get a narcissistic person, abusive person,
• 4:05
  manipulative person that reaches out to you for some sort of
• 4:08
  closure, they want to open it back up.
• 4:12
  That won't let you go. We are talking, what are we?
• 4:14
  What are we talking about here? What are we talking about here?
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  You see what I'm saying? They.
• 4:19
  Who's that right there? They want a constant circle of
• 4:22
  chaos. Yes, absolutely.
• 4:27
  They want that chaos. They crave the chaos.
• 4:31
  They crave it. It's it's it's like me right now
• 4:35
  with peanut brittle. I crave peanut brittle.
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  Just like unaware abusive narcissists crave chaos.
• 4:43
  They love the chaos. Yeah, I love peanut.
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  I don't know. I don't know what it is about
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  peanut brittle. I've been having a hankering for
• 4:49
  peanut butters. Not as little.
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  They want to open the things back up.
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  They want that, Hopefully. Is it like April said?
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  They hopefully want to get you back in the bedroom, put a baby
• 5:00
  in you or hopefully sometimes if it's a if it's a female
• 5:03
  narcissist, get you to put a baby in them.
• 5:06
  Imagine you escape a toxic relationship, right?
• 5:09
  A man. Who's that?
• 5:10
  Oh, peanut butter, say it now. I can see you.
• 5:12
  Listen, I liked you. Now I got to block you.
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  We don't talk native about peanut brittle here.
• 5:18
  This is messy. It's imagine you get outside of
• 5:22
  a relationship. Just imagine you escape
• 5:25
  toxicity, right? Imagine you get out of you.
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  You you escaped your narcissistic ex.
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  You get away from them and then they reach out to you one last
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  time. Foreclosure.
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  Can I get some? Can I please get a little bit of
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  closure? Please.
• 5:38
  You promised me you wouldn't leave me like this.
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  You meet up with them, you meet up with them and now what?
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  Can we just, you know, one last closure, One last closure.
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  Fuck, can we just close? You sleep together one time, one
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  more, one more time, Foreclosure, please.
• 5:56
  Can we just do that one time? And then guess what happens?
• 5:59
  You go in there, you sleep with them one more time, you sleep
• 6:02
  with them one more time. And then you end up pregnant or
• 6:05
  something like that. Or you end up having a baby by
• 6:07
  this person. You're not pregnant or they you
• 6:09
  get them pregnant and now you're stuck.
• 6:11
  Now you just extend. Now you just add it on to the
• 6:15
  end of the relationship. Now you just add it on more to
• 6:17
  the end. No, it's not what we're doing.
• 6:19
  It's not what we're doing. My Dell door nails shut.
• 6:25
  Yes, that's what they do and they want to keep it going.
• 6:28
  They don't want to close this thing up.
• 6:30
  They want to keep it going, right?
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  This is the type of stuff that they like to do.
• 6:35
  This is type of things that they want to do, right?
• 6:39
  It happens, you know what I mean?
• 6:41
  So has a narcissist ever asked you foreclosure?
• 6:45
  Has anybody, you know, has a narcissist ever asked you for
• 6:50
  closure? Has that happened with y'all?
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  You see what I'm saying? Has that happened with anybody
• 6:56
  in the chat? Because this happens to a lot of
• 6:58
  people. I promise you it does.
• 7:02
  And the reason I'm asking that question is because to show
• 7:05
  people that you're not alone, like you're not the only person
• 7:07
  that this has happened to. You're not the only person that
• 7:10
  this has not, you know, it's been it's been through it.
• 7:13
  Because sometimes that goes on in this situation right here,
• 7:16
  Like April said yes, Jalisa and them said no and I said no.
• 7:21
  Before you give up on yourself, remember how many times you
• 7:23
  thought you wouldn't make it? You still did.
• 7:24
  There you go, power up, there you go.
• 7:28
  I just got dumped my narcissist husband, he knows he has a new
• 7:32
  supply but has used the court system to have me and my
• 7:34
  daughter thrown out. He's very pleased with himself.
• 7:36
  He wouldn't care if I was on the street store.
• 7:37
  So that's now. It's time to rebuild now.
• 7:39
  You got to rebuild, man. I hate that.
• 7:40
  I hate some now you have to start over and whatnot.
• 7:43
  Now they got to rebuild now. And that sucks, man.
• 7:46
  It's, it sucks in these situations when you're dealing
• 7:49
  with an abusive person like this that you put, you put your trust
• 7:53
  in and then you put your trust and you're all in and now it's
• 7:56
  all messed up now. Now it's no longer going to be
• 7:59
  the same anymore, right? This doesn't happen.
• 8:01
  It sucks right there because they blow your life or you trust
• 8:04
  this person, especially if you're a woman in these
• 8:05
  situations. You put your financial future in
• 8:07
  this person's hands and they do shit like this to use the law to
• 8:10
  get you kicked out, right? This would be happening right
• 8:14
  here. This is the the type of space
• 8:15
  that somebody they fall into right now.
• 8:17
  Y'all? Yeah.
• 8:19
  The next episode of my podcast is loading.
• 8:20
  I was going to launch it this week, but views be down on
• 8:24
  Thanksgiving week for some reason.
• 8:25
  So I'll probably launch. It'll be two episodes next week
• 8:27
  on the For the Mental Illness podcast.
• 8:31
  Do narcs, do narc not have a sense of humor?
• 8:33
  Do I have a sense of humor? You.
• 8:35
  I feel like you can answer that question, but just watching me,
• 8:38
  you see what I'm saying? I got a sense of humor, my
• 8:41
  humor. Humor helps you heal, right?
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  That's part of it. No contact for months and no
• 8:45
  child support. But he's on dating apps while
• 8:47
  stalking me. Dating apps while stalking you
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  is a crazy kind of. Yeah, That's a crazy combination
• 8:52
  right there. Being on a dating app while
• 8:55
  simultaneously stalking somebody is crazy.
• 8:59
  That's crazy. But that shows you that, hey, in
• 9:02
  their minds, you don't get to leave me alone.
• 9:04
  You don't get to choose this right here.
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  You like, you don't get to. You don't have to get this to
• 9:08
  happen right here, right? This happens.
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  This is the part of it right here.
• 9:12
  You know what I mean? That's what goes on.
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  And so many people are battling that right there.
• 9:18
  You get to be a part of this. Yeah.
• 9:20
  It could be crazy. You're the funniest because you
• 9:23
  know yourself. Yeah, but I think a lot of
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  narcissists has, I thought there are a lot of narcissists have a
• 9:28
  sense of humor. I talked to a lot of people when
• 9:31
  I'm doing my one on ones and stuff over zoom where people
• 9:33
  will say, hey, they are funny as hell.
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  Like the reason I'm with this person because they're
• 9:38
  hilarious. Like they, we, we, we spent a
• 9:40
  lot of time laughing together. So that's, I feel like that's a
• 9:43
  common thing that I hear from people that are dealing with
• 9:46
  narcissists. Like we laughed and laughed and
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  laughed. That's what I hear a lot of
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  right there. You know what I mean?
• 9:53
  That's absolutely why I hear a lot of grateful for you too,
• 9:55
  April. I just got away from my son and
• 9:58
  dad. I said you can pick him up still
• 10:00
  and drop him off. He skipped to.
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  And what said go through your mom.
• 10:03
  Oh, what happened? He skipped to and said, what do
• 10:07
  I need to go through your mom? Huh.
• 10:08
  Oh, he wanted to. So he's trying to make it about
• 10:10
  you. Yeah, that's what ended up
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  happening right there. Do they care?
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  Like, ever feel bad? Some.
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  Sometimes they do, but sometimes even if they start to feel bad,
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  they still find a way to blame you.
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  You have to. I feel like I got to say that
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  even if they feel bad, they still find a way to blame you.
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  You're still going to be at fault in some way, shape or
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  form. Right?
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  You said? Yep, he did ask ask foreclosure
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  multiple times. I made the new.
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  I made the new supply look better.
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  Then slam the shut door. I played him myself.
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  Look boring. OK, sometimes you got to do
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  that, y'all. I'm glad you.
• 10:44
  I'm glad you did make it out, though, Y'all.
• 10:45
  I'm glad if you escaped. I'm glad you escaped.
• 10:49
  Right. I'm glad you escaped.
• 10:52
  If I were to talk to someone, could I notice they're a
• 10:55
  narcissist? Not not necessarily, right.
• 10:56
  I just feel like it depends on the conversation, depends on the
• 10:59
  intent. It depends on what's going on.
• 11:01
  I could tell then. But not just a normal
• 11:02
  conversation, like, hi, I'm Lee. Hi, I'm Mark.
• 11:09
  You're a narcissist. Mark Arnier.
• 11:10
  No, it don't. It don't work that way anyway.
• 11:12
  I I couldn't tell that way. No.
• 11:16
  That's not how it goes, though. Yeah.
• 11:20
  They feel bad for 5 minutes and that's it.
• 11:21
  Yeah, well, if a narcissist does feel bad, they typically stop
• 11:25
  it. After a little while, they stop
• 11:26
  feeling bad. You know, they tend to find a
• 11:28
  way to blame you and to put everything on to you.
• 11:31
  And that's what ends up happening.
• 11:32
  No, not not all narcissists are Alcoholics now.
• 11:34
  Nope. Nope.
• 11:36
  Nope. Nope.
• 11:37
  Nope. Nope.
• 11:40
  Yeah. Why do they ask foreclosure then
• 11:43
  pop up a few months later? Because they don't want, really
• 11:45
  want closure. That's why I said earlier they
• 11:47
  want to open it back up. They don't really want closure.
• 11:51
  They want to open a relationship back up.
• 11:53
  They want to open up the access. They want to make sure that they
• 11:55
  still have access to you. Sometimes they'll reach out to
• 11:59
  you, ask you foreclosure, Right. They'll reach out to you, ask
• 12:04
  you foreclosure, and then you all agree.
• 12:06
  And then they'll ghost you. They'll go silent on you, right?
• 12:09
  They will go silent on you after that right there.
• 12:11
  Coaching courses, one O ones everything y'all mental
• 12:13
  illness.net. Thank you mental illness.net for
• 12:16
  all things Lee hammock. The silent treatment work with a
• 12:21
  narcissist. It really just depends right?
• 12:25
  My ex crashed out when I left and exposed him three hours
• 12:30
  later. 14 You better be careful. Sometimes they be coming after
• 12:33
  you. You don't get to ruin my
• 12:35
  reputation and leave, girl. That's not how this works.
• 12:39
  That's not how this works at all.
• 12:41
  And I was wondering like, yeah, people getting ready to watch.
• 12:43
  Yeah, we you got it. Appreciate it, y'all.
• 12:47
  Mine is calling 142 times, but now it's doing block and unblock
• 12:50
  game. Yeah, you got to, you got to you
• 12:52
  probably know how to change your number if you don't have kids or
• 12:54
  anything like that, You probably if you call it 142 times, you
• 12:57
  probably end up having to change your number.
• 12:59
  Baby with y'all. I got to hop off this thing.
• 13:01
  I realized that people got to what people Stranger Things, the
• 13:04
  last season is about to drop and I know people going to be
• 13:06
  hopping on Stranger Things, Mental illness.net for all
• 13:10
  things Lee Hammock. All things Lee Hammock.
• 13:12
  You can find it at mentalillness.net.
• 13:14
  I might go live tomorrow. Just be on the lookout, turn
• 13:16
  your notifications on. I might go live tomorrow on
• 13:19
  YouTube and Facebook for a little while for Thanksgiving.
• 13:21
  I know everybody's not going to, everybody's not going to have
• 13:23
  people around for Thanksgiving. So I might just do a
• 13:24
  Thanksgiving Q and A tomorrow just to shout everybody out just
• 13:27
  to, you know, just be over here and what not.
• 13:29
  Y'all. That's the same Linda that I
• 13:31
  talked to yesterday. I don't know if it's the same
• 13:34
  Linda I talked to yesterday. Yeah, no problem, y'all.
• 13:37
  Again, mental illness.net for all things Lee Hammock.
• 13:42
  This is what I look at my site right here.
• 13:43
  My coaching, my courses are my my courses are 50% off, y'all.
• 13:47
  So you can enter the you go on my website, enter the code
• 13:50
  mothers or fathers for 50% off and whatnot.
• 13:53
  It'll give you a great deal on those courses, make them super
• 13:56
  cheap. Anyway y'all thank you for
• 13:59
  tuning in, we will chat tomorrow.
• 14:01
  Happy Thanksgiving and I'm out. Peace.