Latest / Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell / The Quiet Power of Knowing Your Worth

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The Quiet Power of Knowing Your Worth · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, a podcast covering all things relationships, separation and divorce.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: How to create healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships without sacrificing any part of yourself.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Supporting anyone feeling challenged in their relationship or marriage.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: These are confidential conversations for you if you're navigating separation, divorce or reorganising life afterwards.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Decide whether to stay or leave a relationship or marriage, divorce with less drama, and consciously choose what's next for you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the Warrentry people of the Kulin Nation, and pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to this week's episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, all about quiet power, and more specifically, the quiet power of knowing your worth, whether that's in relationship, through separation, divorce, and also in your life beyond.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: I released a recent episode about loneliness, that quiet, sustained kind that can settle in during and after divorce, even when you're still in a relationship, in fact.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then a solo travel episode that was all about, not all about, a lot about self-trust and about what happens when you choose yourself in quite a literal sense.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: This episode sits really nicely alongside both of those because power, real power, knowing in your bones that you are the driving force of your own life, is what becomes available to us on the other side of all that.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: So this episode is about what that can really look like.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't had a listen to the loneliness episode or particularly the solo travel episode, perhaps go back and have a listen to that either before you come back in here and listen to this week's episode or afterwards.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: There really is nothing more powerful and nothing more freeing than becoming someone who is fully, completely, unapologetically aware of everything that you're capable of being.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: There is nothing more quietly and completely disruptive than a woman who has fully deeply settled into everything she is capable of being and becoming.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so this episode is about that woman.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: And to start with, I want to talk about power.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk about what it is, what we are told it is, what we are taught it is, and what it really is.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Also, what it isn't, what it's not.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: We often think about power as loud, assertive, even aggressive, big energy dominance, that masculine, fiery, loud, aggressive power.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, that is one version, but there's also a whole other version, and it's maybe not quite so obvious or visible, but it is equally well powerful.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's equally powerful, a version of power that is deeply anchored in presence, in peace, in certainty, in self-belief and self-trust.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: A quiet version of power that is far less about force or forcibly taking up space.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: This form of power is deeply rooted in the feminine, in the divine feminine.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's an embodied power rather than performative, right?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it's based in that calm, confident, self-assured, self-contained energy that simply, easefully, and naturally expects and commands respect.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't ask for it, doesn't have to, doesn't demand it, simply expects it and therefore receives it.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so today we're talking about that quiet concept of power and what it truly means to be a grounded, strong, influential, powerful woman without apology, without deference, without conforming to anyone else's version of what power is supposed to look like.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: This power is a settling, it's a settling into yourself.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it does announce itself, right?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it does have a loud voice, but other times it simply grows within us and it's steady, it holds steady, it holds its own space.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: But either way, it doesn't look for, it doesn't seek, it doesn't ask for permission.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: It just is.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Fully aware of everything she wants, she needs, she desires, is worthy of.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: She knows what she deserves and will not choose or settle for less than.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't demand it, but simply does not settle for less than.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Less than she wants, less than she needs, less than she deserves.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: She is fully aware of all of that and doesn't settle.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: She prioritizes herself first.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: She prioritizes her own wants, her own needs first, makes sure she is tended to first before tending to others, knowing that's the best way that she can tend others, including her children, by first taking care of herself.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: And she expects others to do the same.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And she models that to those around her, including her children.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: This woman also listens to herself first.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: She allows her own voice to rise and be heard, keeps the promises she makes to herself first, doesn't make those promises smaller or lesser or lower priority, further down the list, less important than the promises she makes to others.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: And she does not make promises to others that ask she break those she's already made to herself.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: She listens to her own voice first and trusts that first.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: She deeply trusts herself.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: She knows the difference between her fear and her knowing, her intuition, and she leans every time into or towards the knowing, sometimes in spite of or along with her fear, but she deeply trusts herself.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: She trusts that she is the best driver of her own life.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: This woman knows her worth is not negotiable, it is not something she needs to prove or earn.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Her worth is not a reward, it's not granted conditionally, if only, or offered when things are done or if she behaves in certain ways, it's not contingent on getting all the things done, done right, it doesn't depend on her being accepted or valued, even loved by the right people, on getting things right.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: It simply exists, it is inherent.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Her worth is not negotiable, it simply exists and it always has.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: And she has stopped, if she ever did, she has stopped minimizing it, pushing back on it, arguing with it.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: She accepts it, she knows it, she honors it.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: She knows her worth.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: It just is and she is.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: No longer waiting to be given, no longer waiting to be allowed, nobody, no longer waiting to ask for what she wants and what she needs.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: She claims it for herself.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's not aggression, but it can be misconstrued as aggression or selfishness.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's neither.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's putting herself first, center, not taking anything away from anyone else.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: It is simply the act of someone who has decided her life belongs to her.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: She is in control of her life in all of the ways.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so she stopped waiting.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: The quietly powerful woman has also declared what she wants.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: She expects, she chooses, and she's not afraid to claim that for herself.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: To say out loud and do the thing or the things, to take the action, to change the behavior, to do what she needs to do to get what it is she most wants for herself.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: She will ask.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: She will ask for what she wants and what she needs.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: And also her power is in the doing.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Not wanting and hoping and dreaming without action.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Manifesting, yes, but closing the gap between the desire and the outcome.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Manifesting takes doing, right?
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: She is powerful because she takes aligned, forward, values-driven action.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: I talked earlier about self-trust, and I want to go a little bit deeper because this kind of power is deeply rooted in self-trust, yes, but in trust more broadly.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Not that blind trust that everything will just work out without needing to do anything.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Not a faith without substance, but trust in herself as the driving force of her own life.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: She knows she might not be able to control the timing.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: She knows that not everything is going to run to her timeline or is under her control, but she trusts that she is the driving force of her own life.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: She also holds to her values.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: She knows what they are and makes decisions and takes aligned action according to those values.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: She doesn't minimize them or abandon herself when her values aren't shared by others, or maybe make others feel something they may not want to feel or be comfortable with feeling.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: She holds to her values and takes aligned action with her values even when it gets hard or even if it goes against the general flow of life, society, family, connection, all the things, right?
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: The quietly powerful woman holds to her values and takes action in alignment with them.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: She also knows what she wants her future life to look like.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've been here for a while listening to the podcast, along the Reflect community, you know that with all of my clients, and I encourage you to do it as listeners to the podcast, I start at the end.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Two, five, ten years' time.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want life to look and feel like?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: The quietly powerful woman knows she can answer that for herself.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: She knows what she wants her future life to look like.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: She knows how she wants to show up for herself to step closer to that life.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: She makes choices, decisions, and takes action that lead her closer to that version of herself and that version of her life.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's power.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's powerful.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: The quietly powerful woman also holds her boundaries.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Again, over the comfort of being liked, accepted, over the need to be understood, approved of, even included.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: She holds her boundaries even if it might cost her, even when it makes her the difficult one, the challenging one, even if it means standing alone.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: She has learned that a boundary held is an act of deep self-respect.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: And when she does that, when she holds that boundary, the right people, her people, will meet her in the power of that.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: The quietly powerful woman also chooses the discomfort.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: The discomfort of maybe being seen to be too much, too loud, too opinionated, too difficult.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: She chooses that discomfort over sacrificing herself.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: She knows, maybe through lived experience, maybe through learning, that making herself smaller, quieter, more palatable, more acceptable has a cost, and that is not a cost she is willing to pay, because the cost is her.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: So she chooses the discomfort of being fully unapologetically herself, even if or even when it unsettles other people, and even when it feels uncomfortable and unfamiliar to herself, she knows that the discomfort is worth the benefit.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: The quietly powerful woman also gives herself grace, she shows herself compassion, she forgives herself, but she makes sure she's learned from the lesson.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: She doesn't forget or minimize the learning, and she and she holds herself with the same kindness she would offer someone that she really loves.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: She also understands that growth, change, doing the hard thing, that's not that's not a straight line journey.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: She will get things wrong, make mistakes, and some days fall short of who she wants, who she wants to be, how she wants to show up in the world.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: And she meets all of that, herself in all of it, with gentleness, with grace, with kindness.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: She doesn't excuse it, but she gives herself grace.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: The quietly powerful woman is perfectly comfortable saying no and letting that be a complete sentence.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: When I was making my notes for this episode, I was really tempted to waffle along about this, but I'm just gonna leave it at that.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: The quietly powerful woman is perfectly comfortable saying no and letting that be a complete sentence.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: She has also released herself from needing to prove anything to anyone.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: She's released herself from needing to prove anything about herself to anyone, and she's settled into herself, however you want to frame that, into her own sovereignty, into her own self-leadership, into her own deep and unshakable sense of herself, of her worthiness.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: She knows herself, she honors herself, and from that place, she simply doesn't want or need to prove anything to anyone.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: Not really even to herself.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: The quietly powerful woman also takes up space.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: However, you want that to look, at the table, in her own life, in a room, in a conversation, in the decision.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: And she's also willing, really willing, to, with grace and kindness and compassion, walk away from spaces where she does not feel fully welcomed, fully honored, fully seen, fully respected, fully met.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because she knows the difference between a space that stretches and expands her and challenges her, and a space that limits or diminishes her.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: And she will not stay somewhere, whether that be a boardroom, a workplace, a friendship, a relationship.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: She will not stay somewhere that asks her to be less.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked about it already.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: She trusts that the best person to know what is true and right about her life, what are her anchors, what's her north star, the best person to know and understand all of that is her.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: So she doesn't externalize her knowing.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, she might ask advice, opinion, she might seek support, clarification, but ultimately she answers to her own internal knowing.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, she chooses herself.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: In the big moments, in the small, she chooses herself, and that's not to sacrifice or compromise anyone else, but simply to center herself in her own life, consciously and consistently choose herself over and over and over again.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: And for many, that takes so much unlearning and unpacking and unconditioning, right?
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: So the woman who can do this is deeply, solidly powerful.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: And this woman feels at home in her own life, in her own skin, in her own body.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Not because she has she's perfect and she has it all perfect, but because she understands she has one body.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it may not be the perfect body or the body she wished for, but it's the one she has.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if you haven't listened to my episode where I speak with Emma, the feminist health coach, go back and have a listen to that.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: If this one prickles at you, it's the body she has, and she's grateful for what it can do, how it supports her and carries her through life.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: Not because her life is perfectly 100% sorted or everything, including her feelings and reactions, are always perfectly manageable, but because she's stopped thinking about herself and treating herself as a problem that needs to be fixed or solved.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: She has learned, maybe unlearned, maybe is learning slowly, imperfectly, to inhabit herself, to embody herself, to live with herself with kindness, to like and love herself, even with.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: With even in all the messy imperfections.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: She has, and I think this is the real message, key message of today's episode.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: She has stopped seeking a home or a home base externally and has come home to herself.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: Deeply, solidly come home to herself.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: And there is just nothing more powerful than someone who has done that, who knows that they are they are their own home base.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to know that all of this is actually accessible, available to you.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: It might take you tiny step after tiny step after tiny step.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: But it is not this far-off destination that is completely out of your reach.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's not something that's only for other people.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's definitely not something you have to earn or prove yourself worthy of, or wait until the hard parts are over before you start to bring this to life for yourself, before you claim it for yourself.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it is actually waiting for you.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: So if any of this resonated, if even a little tiny part of you felt seen or heard in this, please make sure you're on the mailing list, watch what's coming, and if you're ready to do that work, that real work with my one-on-one support, book and intro call.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because yes, I coach women through the hard questions about relationships, about unraveling marriage, about navigating, separation, divorce, what comes after.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we do all the strategy stuff, but I think what most of my clients really come away with after working with me is this stuff.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's a really deep knowing of themselves, a trust in themselves that they may not have thought was possible.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a belief in their own power that really doesn't waver when life throws the next curveball, the next hard thing.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the knowledge, that lived, felt, embodied knowledge that they can create a life that holds space for all of them, every part, the complicated, contradictory, magnificent messiness, all of it.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: And that's that's the real work.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: But it's so worth doing, and it is, it's waiting for you, and so is she that quietly powerful woman, that version of you exists.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: She is not some distant future possibility, she is actually who you are becoming, one small, quiet, powerful, deliberate choice at a time, and she is waiting for you to choose her, to choose you.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: Go gently with yourself, but go make the step, take that step, whatever that looks and feels like for you, step towards and into that quiet power.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, bye for now.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, divorce coach and strategist, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love or benefit from listening to this episode, please share it with them.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you would follow and review the podcast so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more people just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next week for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: Until then