Latest / Wedded Wednesday with Pastor Don & Lisa Smith / Celebrating Success

Transcript

Celebrating Success · Wedded Wednesday with Pastor Don & Lisa Smith

• 0:09
  Don Smith: What if marriage advice didn't have to feel like a lecture or a counseling session?
• 0:13
  Don Smith: But welcome to a weekly coffee date for your marriage that we're calling Wedded Wednesday.
• 0:20
  Don Smith: I'm Pastor Don Smith along with my wife Lisa, and we are right there in the trenches with you.
• 0:25
  Don Smith: And this podcast takes the pressure off perfect and puts the focus on purposeful.
• 0:31
  Don Smith: Our desire is to give you Bible-based tools to work on your marriage, not just in it.
• 0:37
  Don Smith: Each week we get real, we keep it lighthearted because marriage is hard enough without being stuffy.
• 0:43
  Don Smith: We want to leave you with one practical challenge to actually use before the next podcast.
• 0:50
  Don Smith: Whether you're in a great season or barely holding on, I want you to pull up a chair, get a cup of coffee, and let's be intentional together.
• 1:00
  Don Smith: How you feel this morning?
• 1:01
  Don Smith: I feel good.
• 1:02
  Don Smith: Are you ready?
• 1:02
  Don Smith: Because I got I got a good one for us today.
• 1:06
  Lisa Smith: You always say that.
• 1:08
  Don Smith: I got a good one.
• 1:08
  Don Smith: I got a good one for us today.
• 1:10
  Don Smith: So I'm trying to find us on Facebook.
• 1:12
  Don Smith: Oh, well.
• 1:13
  Don Smith: Myself.
• 1:14
  Don Smith: All right.
• 1:14
  Don Smith: I never can find anything on Facebook.
• 1:16
  Don Smith: I don't know how to use social media.
• 1:18
  Don Smith: How do people do that?
• 1:19
  Lisa Smith: Which is funny because you're a little Mr.
• 1:21
  Don Smith: I'm not podcaster.
• 1:23
  Don Smith: Well, podcasting is a little bit easier than I think social media, to be honest.
• 1:28
  Lisa Smith: Do you really think so?
• 1:29
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 1:30
  Don Smith: Why?
• 1:30
  Don Smith: I don't know.
• 1:30
  Don Smith: I just think it's easier.
• 1:32
  Don Smith: I just don't understand social media.
• 1:35
  Lisa Smith: What don't you understand about social media?
• 1:36
  Don Smith: I don't understand how to use it.
• 1:37
  Don Smith: It doesn't make there's no instructions.
• 1:39
  Don Smith: There's zero instructions.
• 1:41
  Don Smith: Pull up Instagram.
• 1:42
  Don Smith: Where are the instructions on how to use it?
• 1:44
  Don Smith: Now that the young people just know, oh, just touch here, just touch there.
• 1:47
  Don Smith: I'm like, who told you that?
• 1:48
  Don Smith: There's nobody.
• 1:49
  Don Smith: But we're telling you that.
• 1:50
  Don Smith: Listen, I have to watch YouTube videos to try and figure out how to use Instagram.
• 1:54
  Don Smith: It's crazy.
• 1:55
  Don Smith: I know, right?
• 1:57
  Lisa Smith: You are really making yourself very old.
• 2:00
  Don Smith: I am old.
• 2:01
  Don Smith: I'm glad to be back here on Wedded Wednesday, and we are glad that you all are joining us, whether you're joining us on Facebook Live or whether you're joining us on the podcast one and all.
• 2:14
  Don Smith: Welcome.
• 2:15
  Don Smith: Welcome.
• 2:16
  Don Smith: Hey, if it's your first time on Wedded Wednesday, where you been?
• 2:19
  Don Smith: We've been, we've been waiting for you guys, right?
• 2:24
  Don Smith: It's good.
• 2:24
  Don Smith: Do us a favor though, as uh each Wedded Wednesday appears, just uh, you know, share it on your Facebook.
• 2:30
  Don Smith: If you're Facebook Live, share it on your social media if you know how to use social media.
• 2:34
  Don Smith: I don't know how to use social media, but I know that there are some people who do, and that will help us out, right?
• 2:40
  Don Smith: But for today, you don't have you don't have a lot going on today.
• 2:44
  Lisa Smith: What do you mean I don't have a lot of things?
• 2:45
  Don Smith: I must have had too much pre-workout this morning before I went to the gym.
• 2:48
  Lisa Smith: Maybe I have no clue what you had.
• 2:50
  Don Smith: You want some?
• 2:50
  Lisa Smith: No.
• 2:51
  Lisa Smith: No, thank you.
• 2:52
  Lisa Smith: That stuff makes my ears burn and itch.
• 2:55
  Lisa Smith: No, thank you.
• 2:55
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, I don't want that.
• 2:57
  Don Smith: I got some good stuff too.
• 2:58
  Don Smith: You were just talking and I was letting you do it.
• 3:00
  Don Smith: That'll make you happy.
• 3:02
  Lisa Smith: That's all.
• 3:02
  Don Smith: All right, I got a scripture for us today.
• 3:03
  Don Smith: Y'all ready?
• 3:05
  Lisa Smith: Ready.
• 3:05
  Don Smith: Are you are you ready?
• 3:06
  Lisa Smith: I think I am.
• 3:08
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 3:08
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 3:09
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 3:09
  Don Smith: We're gonna see if you're ready.
• 3:11
  Don Smith: I don't know if you're ready or not.
• 3:12
  Don Smith: Here we go.
• 3:13
  Don Smith: All right.
• 3:13
  Don Smith: Here we go.
• 3:13
  Don Smith: Scripture is from Proverbs chapter 8, verse 30 through 31.
• 3:20
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 3:20
  Don Smith: Are you ready?
• 3:21
  Don Smith: Uh then I was constantly at his side.
• 3:26
  Don Smith: I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his presence, rejoicing in his whole world, and delighting in mankind.
• 3:35
  Don Smith: I like that scripture.
• 3:36
  Don Smith: You know why I like that scripture?
• 3:37
  Lisa Smith: Why do you like that scripture?
• 3:38
  Don Smith: Because it kind of reminds me of a cheerleader.
• 3:43
  Lisa Smith: Okay.
• 3:43
  Lisa Smith: Like you go to the sports games.
• 3:46
  Lisa Smith: When you started reading that, was yeah, my husband would like for me to be by his side.
• 3:50
  Don Smith: See what I'm saying?
• 3:51
  Don Smith: See what I'm saying?
• 3:52
  Don Smith: Right there.
• 3:53
  Don Smith: Cheerleading.
• 3:54
  Don Smith: You go to the games, and and where does the pep come from?
• 3:58
  Don Smith: You know what I'm saying?
• 3:59
  Don Smith: The cheerleading.
• 3:59
  Don Smith: Either the audience is cheering on their team.
• 4:02
  Don Smith: Did you hear me cheering you on this?
• 4:03
  Don Smith: Yeah, see, even last night, I played Church League softball, even last night, you know.
• 4:08
  Lisa Smith: Yeah when I told you to straighten it up.
• 4:09
  Don Smith: Yeah, when I was not doing so well and got thrown out at second.
• 4:13
  Don Smith: I I I heard you not cheering.
• 4:17
  Don Smith: I was safe, by the way.
• 4:20
  Don Smith: Anyway, wasn't I know.
• 4:24
  Lisa Smith: But wasn't worth fighting and arguing.
• 4:27
  Don Smith: Anyway, uh, let me ask you as married peoples, husbands and wives.
• 4:31
  Don Smith: Okay, here we go.
• 4:32
  Don Smith: Here we go.
• 4:33
  Don Smith: Here we go.
• 4:34
  Don Smith: Okay, so let me ask you this.
• 4:37
  Don Smith: Um, when is the last time that you delighted in the accomplishments of your spouse?
• 4:43
  Lisa Smith: Oh that's a good one.
• 4:46
  Lisa Smith: I did last night.
• 4:47
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
• 4:48
  Lisa Smith: Like this morning.
• 4:51
  Don Smith: Okay, this morning.
• 4:52
  Lisa Smith: Thank you for watering the plants.
• 4:53
  Don Smith: Oh, see, I was out early watering all the plants.
• 4:55
  Don Smith: Yeah, all the stuff outside.
• 4:57
  Lisa Smith: Even my porch plants, y'all.
• 4:59
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 4:59
  Lisa Smith: So I haven't had to do it for over a week.
• 5:02
  Don Smith: How important how important do you think that that is to be a cheerleader in your spouse's life?
• 5:07
  Lisa Smith: I think it's crucial.
• 5:09
  Don Smith: How how detrimental do you think it is when um couples are the opposite?
• 5:19
  Lisa Smith: What do you mean the opp uh when they don't uh cheer each other on?
• 5:24
  Don Smith: Instead they're more critical.
• 5:25
  Don Smith: Critical.
• 5:26
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 5:27
  Lisa Smith: Um well I think things can go downhill pretty fast.
• 5:33
  Lisa Smith: And that's that's the way it's criticism after criticism, um, negative after negative, okay, without any any boost, yeah, uplifting and encouragement.
• 5:45
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, it can be discouraging for everybody.
• 5:48
  Don Smith: So you would say just like in a sports world where the fans and the cheerleading crew and the team are really uh two entities joined together.
• 6:00
  Don Smith: Like they're doing, they're there for the same purpose, okay?
• 6:04
  Don Smith: To encourage and to win.
• 6:07
  Don Smith: Right?
• 6:08
  Don Smith: Right.
• 6:08
  Don Smith: So when when's the you know, you you rarely see, I don't think I ever have, uh you rarely see the cheerleading team, you know, uh doing cheers about how bad their team is stinking it up on the field, you know, like no, they need encouragement, like we want to win, right?
• 6:27
  Don Smith: Even when you're down, yeah, even when you're down, right?
• 6:30
  Don Smith: Like we what do we chant?
• 6:31
  Don Smith: Defense, defense, right?
• 6:32
  Don Smith: Right.
• 6:32
  Don Smith: Uh uh, you know, this is your your your place to be in encouragement.
• 6:36
  Lisa Smith: So if that's the way, then marriage It's not like we go, yay, yay, our team stinks.
• 6:42
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 6:42
  Don Smith: But we do that in marriage.
• 6:45
  Don Smith: We do.
• 6:46
  Don Smith: How many times do spouses go to work and talk to someone who's not their spouse about their spouse and they say what?
• 6:53
  Don Smith: Yay, yay, my spouse stinks.
• 6:57
  Lisa Smith: Stinks.
• 6:58
  Lisa Smith: Mm-hmm.
• 6:59
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 7:01
  Don Smith: Hello, somebody.
• 7:03
  Don Smith: Right?
• 7:03
  Lisa Smith: Like that happens a lot.
• 7:05
  Lisa Smith: I remember that happened a lot when I was working.
• 7:09
  Don Smith: You mean you did that or or you heard that from other people?
• 7:13
  Lisa Smith: I heard that a lot.
• 7:14
  Lisa Smith: I heard that a lot from other people.
• 7:16
  Don Smith: Think about it today.
• 7:17
  Don Smith: Even in your world, if you're watching Facebook Live or if you're listening on the podcast today, wherever you're listening at, however you're listening, it today as you start your day, or if you've ended your day, just think about it.
• 7:27
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 7:27
  Don Smith: If you're starting your day, pay attention.
• 7:29
  Don Smith: See how many times you notice someone says something critical about their spouse.
• 7:33
  Lisa Smith: Or even how often you say something critical to your spouse.
• 7:38
  Don Smith: Well, that's a good one too.
• 7:38
  Don Smith: Or at the end of the day, think back now.
• 7:40
  Don Smith: If you're listening at the end of the day, think back now how many times someone said something critical about their spouse.
• 7:45
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 7:46
  Don Smith: And how contagious that is.
• 7:49
  Lisa Smith: It is because well, negativity is contagious, just like laughter and joy.
• 7:54
  Don Smith: So instead of cheering on our spouses, we wound up, we wound wound up, we wind up cheering on those who are being critical of their spouses.
• 8:04
  Don Smith: Right.
• 8:04
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 8:05
  Don Smith: Because we join in.
• 8:06
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, I agree with you.
• 8:07
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, my husband does that too.
• 8:09
  Lisa Smith: So I can't believe yours does that too.
• 8:12
  Don Smith: Then marriage is the joining of two lives, right?
• 8:15
  Don Smith: Uh, and I think every hopeful part of those two lives becomes one.
• 8:22
  Don Smith: Dreams, um, desires, goals, all of those things.
• 8:29
  Don Smith: And so as you work jointly together to those goals that you've set, uh you realize that your delight comes not only in moving closer to your dreams, but also in celebrating the successes of your spouse.
• 8:46
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 8:47
  Lisa Smith: I think it's important to do that.
• 8:49
  Don Smith: Think about it right now, if you're listening to us, because this is really good.
• 8:52
  Don Smith: Um when's the last time that you celebrated the success of your spouse versus when's the last time you were critical?
• 9:05
  Lisa Smith: I tend to be more critical.
• 9:07
  Lisa Smith: And I I realize that about myself.
• 9:10
  Lisa Smith: You know, um I am the black and white, I can be the glasses half full kind of person.
• 9:20
  Lisa Smith: So I have to work a little bit harder to not be so critical and be able to express a need or whatever is not being met at that moment, whether it's a shoe on shoes on the floor.
• 9:38
  Lisa Smith: I mean, I we uh we use that often because I think that's just an easy analogy to use.
• 9:43
  Lisa Smith: You know, when I I realize some things are a lot deeper than just shoes or laundry.
• 9:50
  Lisa Smith: But that's just an easy way to share with people, you know, that I can complain about the shoes on the floor constantly, but I don't tend to say, Well, thank you for putting your shoes up over there or thank you for doing this, and and appreciating those things.
• 10:10
  Lisa Smith: Because why is it sometimes that we don't we don't recognize the success of our spouse?
• 10:17
  Don Smith: I I think that's the I mean I think that's the thing.
• 10:20
  Lisa Smith: It's usually let's celebrate.
• 10:22
  Don Smith: It's the point of today's wedding Wednesday.
• 10:24
  Lisa Smith: Let's let's celebrate their successes, but how come we can't see that success?
• 10:30
  Don Smith: Is my question.
• 10:31
  Don Smith: Because oftentimes we're we're blinded by our own frustrations of of what we don't see uh as what we're not receiving that or success in that.
• 10:41
  Don Smith: We I think we want the huge successes and not the littles, and we so it blinds us from seeing the little bitty everyday successes, which is like the little ones I'm sorry, I think the little ones mean the most.
• 10:56
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 10:57
  Lisa Smith: Because again, shoes on the floor, dishes in the sink, those are kind of little.
• 11:02
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 11:03
  Lisa Smith: If in the scheme of life, it's little.
• 11:06
  Don Smith: But it's not little in the heart of your spouse.
• 11:08
  Don Smith: It's not.
• 11:09
  Don Smith: When the rest of the world does everything it can to beat your spouse down every day.
• 11:14
  Don Smith: Think about whether you're you're a husband or a wife, you go to work, okay?
• 11:19
  Don Smith: And uh what is work?
• 11:21
  Don Smith: It's just trouble.
• 11:22
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 11:22
  Don Smith: I mean, I it's it really is.
• 11:24
  Don Smith: It's just it's just trouble.
• 11:26
  Don Smith: Uh work is struggle.
• 11:27
  Don Smith: Uh and I mean that's that's the curse, I I think, uh, you know, from the fall of man is it now you're you're gonna struggle, right?
• 11:34
  Don Smith: So that's what God said to Adam, thorns and thistles.
• 11:38
  Don Smith: Now you're going you're gonna struggle, right?
• 11:40
  Don Smith: Uh, work is going to be struggle.
• 11:42
  Don Smith: And so uh, you know, your your spouse goes to work all day long and has to fight the struggle because, you know, the bottom line or the goal or you know, the work, the project, the pressure, all of the things, right?
• 11:55
  Don Smith: Because you're paid to do a job and obviously you're paid to do that job because it needs to be done, but there's there's always a struggle to get that done.
• 12:04
  Don Smith: Whatever it is, it doesn't matter if your spouse has a very physical job or if they just have an office job, not very physical.
• 12:09
  Don Smith: It doesn't matter.
• 12:10
  Don Smith: There's still a struggle.
• 12:11
  Don Smith: So everything in life is designed or not designed, but it is is bringing struggle into your spouse's life.
• 12:20
  Don Smith: And you're the only person, you're the cheerleading squad.
• 12:23
  Don Smith: No one else is going to cheer on your spouse.
• 12:27
  Don Smith: No.
• 12:27
  Don Smith: Except for maybe someone who's doing it inappropriately.
• 12:30
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 12:30
  Don Smith: And that's a whole different thing.
• 12:31
  Don Smith: Right?
• 12:35
  Don Smith: Like, what would happen in a sports game, okay, if one team's cheerleading team began to cheer for the other team?
• 12:43
  Don Smith: Oh, you're off of this cheerleading.
• 12:46
  Don Smith: See what I'm saying?
• 12:46
  Don Smith: Like, or if they're fans, what happens?
• 12:48
  Don Smith: We've seen sports games where fans turn on their own team because they're not happy they're gonna be able to do that.
• 12:52
  Don Smith: They're not doing well.
• 12:53
  Don Smith: Yeah, and they're not doing well.
• 12:54
  Don Smith: Does that does that help them make the next play?
• 12:56
  Don Smith: It does not.
• 12:57
  Don Smith: And so what are we doing in our spouses' lives that help them?
• 13:01
  Lisa Smith: Don't be a fair weather fan to your spouse.
• 13:04
  Don Smith: Let me say this to us.
• 13:05
  Lisa Smith: Be dedicated.
• 13:06
  Don Smith: Here's what I think every accomplishment or every every yeah, every accomplishment is an achievement.
• 13:11
  Lisa Smith: Yes, it is.
• 13:12
  Don Smith: Whether it's watering the plants, yeah, okay, or put not leaving their shoes in the floor.
• 13:19
  Lisa Smith: And I did notice the other day when you picked all your shoes up and moved them, but I did not get an opportunity to tell you thank you.
• 13:27
  Don Smith: Right now, live in front of the whole world, you can go right ahead.
• 13:29
  Lisa Smith: He did that.
• 13:30
  Lisa Smith: It was like three or four pairs of shoes.
• 13:32
  Lisa Smith: They were all, and I just was like, you know what?
• 13:34
  Lisa Smith: I'm just not gonna mess with it.
• 13:35
  Lisa Smith: Not out of frustration.
• 13:37
  Lisa Smith: I just didn't have the energy or whatever.
• 13:39
  Lisa Smith: So I was like, don't worry about it, just leave it all alone.
• 13:43
  Lisa Smith: And then the other day I noticed some stuff were in the garage, and those shoes were not there.
• 13:48
  Lisa Smith: I went, whoa.
• 13:49
  Don Smith: There's a reason that the cheerleading squad uh for a team wears the same colors as the team.
• 13:57
  Don Smith: Mm-hmm.
• 13:57
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 13:58
  Don Smith: You know what I'm saying?
• 13:59
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 14:00
  Don Smith: Uh because we're we're together.
• 14:02
  Don Smith: You know what I'm saying?
• 14:04
  Lisa Smith: And it shows it shows a unity.
• 14:06
  Don Smith: It shows the unity.
• 14:07
  Don Smith: It shows every and let me just say this to married people every achievement or every accomplishment is an achievement that should be celebrated.
• 14:17
  Don Smith: So whatever, whatever it is right now that you and your spouse are working on in your marriage.
• 14:21
  Don Smith: And if you're not, you should be.
• 14:23
  Don Smith: You should be intentionally working on something.
• 14:25
  Don Smith: That's what the point of Wedded Wednesday is, is every week we want to give you something to work on.
• 14:29
  Don Smith: Right.
• 14:29
  Don Smith: And so last week we gave you something to work on, okay?
• 14:32
  Don Smith: This week we're gonna give you something to work on.
• 14:34
  Don Smith: If you're not being intentional in your marriage, okay, uh to grow, you are intentionally deciding not to grow.
• 14:43
  Don Smith: Oh, we should we should write that down.
• 14:45
  Don Smith: That was that was good.
• 14:46
  Lisa Smith: It will it will start to dissolve.
• 14:49
  Lisa Smith: So why not you don't just stay stay, what is it, sta you don't just stay stagnant.
• 14:56
  Lisa Smith: It does disintegrate.
• 14:57
  Don Smith: 100%.
• 14:57
  Don Smith: So why not, since we're wearing the same colors, why not find something to celebrate?
• 15:06
  Don Smith: Right.
• 15:06
  Don Smith: Every day, not just once a week.
• 15:08
  Don Smith: No, but what's what's one way that you wake up every morning for the next seven days and you decide to challenge, challenge, here's the challenge, and you decide, all right, I'm gonna find one thing.
• 15:19
  Don Smith: That's all your spouse needs.
• 15:20
  Don Smith: One thing to celebrate today.
• 15:22
  Don Smith: One thing to celebrate.
• 15:25
  Don Smith: And and watch what happens in the environment of your marriage for the week.
• 15:31
  Don Smith: Because all of us need someone to cheer us on, and really the best person to fill that role is the spouse.
• 15:39
  Don Smith: Right.
• 15:39
  Don Smith: And let me tell you why, because I'm gonna be a little bit more.
• 15:41
  Lisa Smith: I mean, it's good coming from other people about, but I'm talking about like friends.
• 15:47
  Lisa Smith: Okay.
• 15:47
  Lisa Smith: I'm not talking about opposite sex people.
• 15:49
  Lisa Smith: Sure.
• 15:50
  Lisa Smith: Because some some marriages they do relied on their same-sex friends.
• 15:54
  Lisa Smith: Sure.
• 15:55
  Lisa Smith: You know, and they can become your cheerleaders, but that doesn't fulfill that one spot that it comes from your we gravitate towards the areas we are celebrated.
• 16:08
  Lisa Smith: It's true.
• 16:10
  Don Smith: Which true.
• 16:11
  Don Smith: We gravitate where we're celebrated and we always withdraw from the places that we're not celebrated.
• 16:18
  Lisa Smith: Now when we're just tolerated, that's not fulfilling.
• 16:22
  Don Smith: Yeah, most people are quick to give their spouse um, you know, uh a non-encouraging word.
• 16:28
  Lisa Smith: Well, that's a lot easier to do.
• 16:30
  Don Smith: Isn't it?
• 16:30
  Don Smith: You don't have to think.
• 16:31
  Don Smith: You just speak out of frustration.
• 16:34
  Don Smith: You just speak, it just comes out, it's natural.
• 16:36
  Don Smith: It we're we're but sometimes, right?
• 16:39
  Don Smith: What we need to do is we need to express joy um in the in the achievement it because every every accomplishment is an achievement.
• 16:49
  Don Smith: Okay, whatever it may be, even if your spouse says, Hey, good job, you can turn right back around and go, Wow, thanks.
• 16:56
  Don Smith: I really that's an achievement, both of those are achievements, okay?
• 17:01
  Don Smith: Both of those are encouraging goals, right?
• 17:03
  Don Smith: And I think that what happens in those moments, like there's genuine delight in accomplishment, right?
• 17:10
  Don Smith: That gets recognized.
• 17:12
  Lisa Smith: Yes.
• 17:12
  Lisa Smith: And then I think there's a desire to do it more, to do something.
• 17:18
  Don Smith: Why why do people turn into why do people turn into workaholics sometimes?
• 17:22
  Don Smith: Because that's the only place they're celebrated.
• 17:25
  Lisa Smith: Do you think so?
• 17:26
  Don Smith: Uh 100%.
• 17:27
  Lisa Smith: I thought work was stress.
• 17:28
  Don Smith: It is, but even in the stress, if there are moments of celebration, you'll graduate to that because you what you need that celebration, and it's worth the stress if you get it.
• 17:41
  Don Smith: But what happens is if it's stressful and there is no celebration, you quit.
• 17:45
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 17:46
  Don Smith: You resign.
• 17:47
  Don Smith: Gotcha?
• 17:48
  Don Smith: All right.
• 17:49
  Don Smith: Is that not true?
• 17:50
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 17:51
  Don Smith: I mean I mean, I know dudes, right?
• 17:53
  Don Smith: I I'm a dude.
• 17:54
  Don Smith: I know, I know guys, right?
• 17:56
  Don Smith: We're going to engage in the areas where we win, and we're not, we're going to disengage in the areas where we feel like we always lose.
• 18:04
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 18:04
  Don Smith: That's I don't care.
• 18:06
  Don Smith: I don't care if a guy is a really outdoorsy guy.
• 18:09
  Don Smith: You can't, I mean, you can see some of the background here in my office slash studio.
• 18:14
  Don Smith: Uh, but yeah, no, I've got I've got animal mounts around and all the good stuff, like outdoorsy guys, or maybe there are some guys who really aren't like outdoorsy guys.
• 18:23
  Don Smith: They're just, you know, they're it it that has nothing to do with what a man really is.
• 18:28
  Lisa Smith: No, it doesn't.
• 18:28
  Don Smith: Okay, but I do know every man, regardless of whether he's a really outdoorsy guy or he's not an outdoorsy guy.
• 18:37
  Don Smith: I don't know if that really explains what I'm trying to say.
• 18:39
  Don Smith: But I know that all men gravitate to where they're celebrated and they disengage from areas where they're constantly criticized.
• 18:49
  Lisa Smith: I think it can be the same for women.
• 18:50
  Don Smith: Uh one hundred percent.
• 18:51
  Don Smith: Now I can't speak for women because I'm not one, but you can.
• 18:55
  Lisa Smith: But I think when a man emotionally gets disconnected, that's more harmful for the woman.
• 19:04
  Don Smith: For sure.
• 19:05
  Lisa Smith: Because I think women need emotional connection.
• 19:08
  Lisa Smith: I but men tend to disengage from emotional connection if they're always feeling criticized.
• 19:16
  Don Smith: I'm gonna make you a promise today.
• 19:18
  Don Smith: I promise you.
• 19:19
  Don Smith: Watch what happened in seven days if you find one way to be the cheerleader and celebrate for the next seven days, every day, one day, one way, every day.
• 19:30
  Don Smith: I guarantee you, if you think your spouse has been disengaged.
• 19:34
  Don Smith: No, no, for sure.
• 19:35
  Lisa Smith: Because they're gonna know when it's free.
• 19:37
  Don Smith: For sure.
• 19:37
  Don Smith: And I mean, that's the point of this when trying to change behavior, genuine behavior.
• 19:42
  Don Smith: Uh, but that's the point, right?
• 19:44
  Don Smith: I guarantee you the environment's gonna change.
• 19:46
  Don Smith: Uh, you know, it might not be like a lightning bolt or you know, a huge bonfire, but a little, little progress, a little change goes a long way.
• 19:54
  Lisa Smith: A little spark can cause a spark.
• 19:57
  Don Smith: Correct.
• 19:57
  Don Smith: And uh I hope here's the thing.
• 19:59
  Don Smith: I I'm just a dude and I'm addicted to winning.
• 20:03
  Don Smith: Sorry.
• 20:05
  Lisa Smith: I hate losing.
• 20:06
  Don Smith: I hate losing.
• 20:07
  Don Smith: I am addicted to winning, and I will throw everything that I have, every ounce of energy into the areas that I feel like I win.
• 20:16
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 20:17
  Lisa Smith: And I will literally quit.
• 20:19
  Lisa Smith: I agree with that.
• 20:20
  Don Smith: I will quit and walk away from the areas where I feel like I always lose.
• 20:24
  Don Smith: Not do it anymore.
• 20:26
  Don Smith: And I I'm not saying that's right or wrong.
• 20:29
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 20:29
  Don Smith: I'm not given permission.
• 20:31
  Don Smith: I'm just saying I know what happens.
• 20:32
  Lisa Smith: I think it's wrong for someone to quit.
• 20:34
  Lisa Smith: 100%.
• 20:36
  Don Smith: Uh but yes.
• 20:36
  Don Smith: But I know what happens to us when we don't get celebrated, and when we do get celebrated.
• 20:42
  Don Smith: And I promise you, there's something.
• 20:44
  Don Smith: If you're a married person, there's something in your spouse's life that you can celebrate.
• 20:48
  Don Smith: Yeah, right now you might be thinking, oh, you but you don't know our house.
• 20:51
  Don Smith: You don't know.
• 20:52
  Don Smith: There's something.
• 20:54
  Lisa Smith: If you look for it.
• 20:55
  Don Smith: If you look for it, there is something.
• 20:56
  Don Smith: Right.
• 20:57
  Don Smith: And you don't have to pretend.
• 20:58
  Don Smith: You can be genuine about that.
• 21:00
  Don Smith: And it you're but the problem is the reason you can't see it is because you're looking for the earthquake, okay, or the lightning.
• 21:07
  Lisa Smith: It's the soap opera moment.
• 21:08
  Don Smith: Right.
• 21:08
  Don Smith: You're looking for all those things, and you're missing the little things that really should be celebrated.
• 21:14
  Lisa Smith: Well, sometimes we miss it because we've already predetermined.
• 21:18
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 21:18
  Don Smith: That's so good.
• 21:19
  Lisa Smith: By past behavior or or lack of effort.
• 21:24
  Lisa Smith: So we predetermine that they will not do whatever.
• 21:30
  Don Smith: That's so good.
• 21:30
  Don Smith: This was I'm just gonna be honest, this turned out better than I thought it would.
• 21:35
  Lisa Smith: Well, I'm glad.
• 21:36
  Don Smith: I am too.
• 21:36
  Don Smith: I was this turned out a lot really good.
• 21:38
  Don Smith: That turned out a whole lot better than I thought it was gonna be great.
• 21:40
  Don Smith: Or you were just gonna be one of those.
• 21:42
  Lisa Smith: I was feeling salty today.
• 21:43
  Don Smith: Well, you got your salty shirt on, but that's all right.
• 21:45
  Don Smith: I I married you because I like salty, so it's a scripture.
• 21:50
  Don Smith: Okay, here's the deal, right?
• 21:55
  Don Smith: Here's what we're gonna do.
• 21:56
  Don Smith: Have you delighted in the accomplishments of your spouse?
• 21:58
  Don Smith: And and This is the challenge.
• 22:01
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 22:01
  Don Smith: Now's the time to do it.
• 22:02
  Don Smith: Every day till next wedded Wednesday, set the next seven days.
• 22:06
  Don Smith: I want you to find one thing to celebrate about your spouse.
• 22:09
  Don Smith: Find one thing and and share.
• 22:11
  Don Smith: I bet you can find more than one.
• 22:13
  Don Smith: Share those feelings.
• 22:15
  Don Smith: Don't just go, oh well, yeah, that's good, and not say anything.
• 22:18
  Don Smith: Right.
• 22:19
  Don Smith: See, the reason the cheerleading squad is there is because you can hear them.
• 22:22
  Lisa Smith: Well, you gotta be loud and proud.
• 22:24
  Lisa Smith: You gotta be loud, right?
• 22:26
  Don Smith: And uh I I remember our daughter was a cheerleader, right?
• 22:29
  Don Smith: And and their squad was loud, and they would get the we'd go to the football games and and they would get the whole crowd involved, right?
• 22:36
  Don Smith: We're from the South, and so Friday night football, high school football is crazy.
• 22:40
  Don Smith: Stadium would be full, packed house, right?
• 22:44
  Don Smith: I mean, there'd be thousands of people there.
• 22:46
  Don Smith: And that that I remember those games.
• 22:48
  Don Smith: Oh my, that you'd have to get there an hour early to get a seat.
• 22:51
  Don Smith: Those games were amazing.
• 22:53
  Don Smith: It was a high school football, and the cheerleaders would get the whole home crowd going.
• 22:58
  Don Smith: It would be so loud, your ears would be ringing after the game.
• 23:02
  Don Smith: And it was all because the cheerleading squad started it.
• 23:05
  Don Smith: Started it.
• 23:06
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 23:07
  Don Smith: And they celebrated everything, right?
• 23:09
  Don Smith: Touchdown, they celebrated.
• 23:10
  Don Smith: Turnover, they celebrated.
• 23:12
  Don Smith: When we were on defense, they were, you know, they were deep on rooting defense on.
• 23:17
  Don Smith: Uh and that really, and that was a good little team, right?
• 23:19
  Don Smith: Like Chipley High School uh in Chipley, Florida, is where our our daughter went to school.
• 23:24
  Don Smith: And that was a great, they had a great football team.
• 23:27
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 23:27
  Don Smith: Friday night was the place to be in Chipley, Florida, to watch football.
• 23:32
  Don Smith: Uh, it was amazing.
• 23:33
  Don Smith: So what that's what we want to do, right?
• 23:35
  Don Smith: Share it.
• 23:36
  Don Smith: Be loud about it, okay, and uh spend spend some time telling your spouse uh how much you enjoyed that.
• 23:44
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 23:45
  Lisa Smith: Maybe And maybe you'll even get maybe you'll write a song.
• 23:48
  Lisa Smith: Maybe maybe you'll get really, you know, you'll get addicted to complimenting.
• 23:55
  Lisa Smith: Being children, the cheerleader that not only does your spouse hear it, think about that people hear every day.
• 24:02
  Lisa Smith: Every day.
• 24:02
  Lisa Smith: That's a good point.
• 24:03
  Lisa Smith: We'll close on this.
• 24:04
  Don Smith: When when our daughter was a cheerleader, they had practice every day.
• 24:08
  Don Smith: They only had a game once a week.
• 24:10
  Don Smith: Right.
• 24:10
  Don Smith: They practiced every day to be the cheer squad for one night.
• 24:20
  Don Smith: Ooh.
• 24:21
  Don Smith: Seven days.
• 24:24
  Don Smith: Seven days find something to cheer your spouse on about and watch the environment of your marriage change.
• 24:31
  Don Smith: I promise you.
• 24:33
  Lisa Smith: I would write them down and I would even write down how you felt and maybe how they responded to you sharing.
• 24:42
  Don Smith: It's great.
• 24:42
  Lisa Smith: Just so you can see progress over a period of time about how it changed from the first time you did it, especially if your marriage is struggling.
• 24:52
  Lisa Smith: You know, so you can see.
• 24:54
  Lisa Smith: People want to know how to fix it.
• 24:55
  Lisa Smith: This is how you fix it.
• 24:56
  Lisa Smith: Yes.
• 24:58
  Don Smith: I'm telling you, it's not as complicated as we think it is to fix marriages.
• 25:02
  Lisa Smith: No, you just have to be intentional.
• 25:04
  Don Smith: There we go.
• 25:05
  Don Smith: All right.
• 25:05
  Don Smith: Well, let's pray for them.
• 25:06
  Don Smith: Here we go, right?
• 25:07
  Don Smith: All right, Lord, we thank you for the shared joy of delighting in each other.
• 25:13
  Don Smith: Help us, God, uh, to practice, practice, practice being our spouse's cheerleader.
• 25:19
  Lisa Smith: Thank you, Lord, that you are the one that can give us unity in our marriages.
• 25:23
  Lisa Smith: And Father God, we just release our marriage to you completely.
• 25:26
  Lisa Smith: And Father God, I pray that each person can see their spouse through your eyes, Father God, so that they can have compassion, give grace and mercy to them, Father God, and help them see their spouses in a way that they've not seen before, so that they will be able to become the biggest cheerleader in their lives, that their spouses will always lean into them for encouragement and for strength.
• 25:52
  Lisa Smith: And Father God, I just thank you for it in Jesus' name.
• 25:55
  Don Smith: Amen.
• 25:56
  Don Smith: Amen.
• 25:56
  Don Smith: Hey, thanks for being with us today on Wedded Wednesday.
• 25:59
  Don Smith: We love these moments.
• 26:00
  Don Smith: Uh, in a few weeks, we're gonna be going on tobacco.
• 26:03
  Don Smith: It's been a long time.
• 26:05
  Don Smith: Our leadership came to us at the beginning of the year and said, Hey, we want you to take six weeks off.
• 26:08
  Don Smith: So that's gonna start in a few weeks.
• 26:10
  Don Smith: And so uh Wedded Wednesdays will be out for those weeks.
• 26:14
  Don Smith: We'll let you know, okay?
• 26:15
  Don Smith: But there's plenty to listen to on the podcast and all those things.
• 26:19
  Don Smith: But we do need you to do us a favor.
• 26:21
  Don Smith: I actually think this is probably the best one in a long time.
• 26:24
  Don Smith: I feel good about this one.
• 26:25
  Don Smith: So we need your help.
• 26:26
  Don Smith: Would you share this on right that on your social media?
• 26:30
  Lisa Smith: Because he doesn't know how to.
• 26:32
  Don Smith: Go to Spotify or Apple Podcasts, wherever you listen to Podcast app, look for Wedded Wednesday with Pastor Donna Lisa.
• 26:38
  Don Smith: Okay, you'll see it there.
• 26:40
  Don Smith: Uh, follow, subscribe, and then copy that, paste, and post it in there as well.
• 26:46
  Don Smith: So there are a lot of people who don't know that Wedded Wednesday is actually a podcast.
• 26:50
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, but it's just started, so there's not a lot in there.
• 26:53
  Don Smith: It's a podcast, so you can go back and listen to this as many times as you want to.
• 26:56
  Lisa Smith: I thought we had some on YouTube.
• 26:58
  Don Smith: No.
• 26:58
  Don Smith: From they're all gone.
• 27:00
  Lisa Smith: COVID times.
• 27:00
  Don Smith: No, they're all gone.
• 27:01
  Don Smith: So uh, yeah, so we we started this, but we need your help uh to get continue to get this off the ground.
• 27:07
  Don Smith: And there's some links on there, right?
• 27:09
  Don Smith: Uh you can click on those links and buy us a sweet tea and a little Debbie snack cake if you want to.
• 27:14
  Don Smith: Just click on that link.
• 27:15
  Don Smith: Or if you think this is worth supporting, you could be a monthly supporter.
• 27:21
  Don Smith: Uh there, all those links are in the show notes on the podcast, not on the Facebook Live.
• 27:26
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 27:27
  Don Smith: So you'll have to go there and do that.
• 27:28
  Don Smith: We'll post them as well on our social medias if I can figure it out.
• 27:32
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, if he can figure it out.
• 27:33
  Don Smith: I got golden, I'll get it done.
• 27:34
  Don Smith: We love you guys.
• 27:35
  Don Smith: Thanks.
• 27:36
  Lisa Smith: Hey, when he does figure it out, I'll be cheering him on.
• 27:39
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 27:39
  Don Smith: There we go.
• 27:40
  Don Smith: Thank you.
• 27:41
  Don Smith: Hey, we love you guys, and we will see you next week.
• 27:44
  Don Smith: Thanks so much.
• 27:45
  Don Smith: See you later.
• 27:46
  Don Smith: Bye.
• 27:46
  Don Smith: Bye.