Latest / Parent's Talk with Francine Juhlin / EPISODE 18: Parenting Tips You Need to Hear!

Transcript

EPISODE 18: Parenting Tips You Need to Hear! · Parent's Talk with Francine Juhlin

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Speaker 1: What happens when a young goat hitches a ride on
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Speaker 1: a farmer's truck. Stay tuned to find out. Welcome to
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Speaker 1: Parents Talk, the podcast for parents who want to raise confident,
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Speaker 1: resilient kids and build strong self esteem. Hosted by Francine
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Speaker 1: Jeline aka Princess Francie and founder of the Confidence Club
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Speaker 1: for Kids. Each episode gives you actionable parenting tips, tools
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Speaker 1: and strategies to help your children thrive, break the cycle
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Speaker 1: of negative childhood programming, and grow and a self assured,
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Speaker 1: empowered adults. Let's get started.
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Speaker 2: I have seen the Little Goat on the Go. It's
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Speaker 2: a charming book that everybody should get for their kids.
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Speaker 2: And Natalie's also here today to talk about the new
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Speaker 2: book coming out soon. So I'm going to let Natalie
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Speaker 2: just peg it away and talk about what's going on
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Speaker 2: with your Goat.
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Speaker 3: Well, thank you so much. I such an honor to
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Speaker 3: be here, and again, wonderful to actually meet you in
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Speaker 3: person in Nashville, and so it's great to connect here.
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Speaker 3: So yes, my first two children's books are called Goat
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Speaker 3: on the Go, and they were actually about my own goat, Scout,
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Speaker 3: who is quite the troublemaker. And so I adopted Scout
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Speaker 3: about four and a half years ago during the pandemic,
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Speaker 3: and it was an opportunity to be able to spend
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Speaker 3: time outside. And who knew that I was gonna love
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Speaker 3: Goat so much. And what I found out is that
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Speaker 3: he's very curious. He loves to wander around, he loves
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Speaker 3: to meet people and other animals. And I was like,
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Speaker 3: this is very much like kids, right, Like they're always
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Speaker 3: out and exploring and getting to know them themselves and
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Speaker 3: their environments. And so I had the idea of, you know,
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Speaker 3: creating a story around Scout and around Scout and his
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Speaker 3: you know, little exploits and what he does outside of
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Speaker 3: spend and then making a character that kids could really
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Speaker 3: relate to and see themselves in, even though it's a
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Speaker 3: goat and not a little kid. So yeah, it's been
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Speaker 3: a fun journey writing about scouts adventures.
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Speaker 2: And boyd does he go on some adventure guys? Yes,
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Speaker 2: you want to talk about one to peak everybody's curiosities, Yes,
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Speaker 2: get the book.
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Speaker 3: Absolutely.
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Speaker 2: So.
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Speaker 3: On his first adventure, Scouts Moddy Day, Scout is trying
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Speaker 3: to figure out how to get out of his pen,
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Speaker 3: and so he has to get a little creative. He
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Speaker 3: wants to know what is on the other side of
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Speaker 3: the fence. Let's say he makes it and the day
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Speaker 3: turns into quite a mess. He makes great new friends,
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Speaker 3: gets a little muddy, and then has to figure out
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Speaker 3: how to get home, and you know, in the second adventure,
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Speaker 3: he finds himself in the back of a pickup truck,
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Speaker 3: which is a very true story, and takes a trip
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Speaker 3: to town. So again, these stories are highlighting scouts adventures,
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Speaker 3: but they're all about exploration and curiosity and friendship, but
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Speaker 3: then also subtle lessons about kids recognizing they may have
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Speaker 3: lost you know, they're not in there at their home
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Speaker 3: and they need to make their way back, and paying
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Speaker 3: attention to their environment and cues and so yeah, it's
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Speaker 3: been a lot of fun to write about Scout and
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Speaker 3: he's got many more adventures to come, for sure.
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Speaker 2: And I think there's one good lesson in that book
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Speaker 2: when he gets in the farmer's truck. Kids don't go
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Speaker 2: in a truck with someone you don't know.
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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, yeah, he's always into a little bit of
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Speaker 3: trouble and exploring, but again it relates to kids, Yeah,
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Speaker 3: just wanting to explore and no things and ask questions.
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Speaker 3: There's a lot of questions that Scout asks in the
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Speaker 3: books and wanting to kind of understand more about his
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Speaker 3: environment and the other animals, and so very much like kids,
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Speaker 3: what's up next? So next, we have a book called
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Speaker 3: The Bumpy Pumpkin. I'm very excited about this book. It
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Speaker 3: is going to be released actually next week, and it
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Speaker 3: is just it's a it's a story that is very
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Speaker 3: close to my heart. It's actually the first children's book
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Speaker 3: that I wrote, and wanted to make sure that I
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Speaker 3: put it out at a time that was thoughtful and
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Speaker 3: you know, would be great as a kind of fall
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Speaker 3: Halloween book. And it is a just a heartfelt story
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Speaker 3: about a pumpkin that's different. He does not look like
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Speaker 3: the others in the patch, and he recognizes his own
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Speaker 3: differences and starts to lose confidences Halloween comes comes closer
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Speaker 3: and worried that he will not get picked to be,
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Speaker 3: you know, on a porch for Halloween night. And so
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Speaker 3: it goes through this journey of emotions and those highs
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Speaker 3: and lows that you know, not only is the pumpkin experiencing,
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Speaker 3: but kids, adults, all of us kind of go through
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Speaker 3: in that kind of sense of being self conscious and
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Speaker 3: noticing that you're different and that you may not fit
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Speaker 3: in and what does that look like and mean? And
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Speaker 3: just you know, really celebrating what makes us who we
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Speaker 3: are and those are those differences and so very very excited.
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Speaker 3: I worked with a new illustrator on this book, and
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Speaker 3: so my goal is that not only will it be
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Speaker 3: a fun read for kids of all Asians, but that
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Speaker 3: they can see themselves in this pumpkin and it's you know,
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Speaker 3: a character that they can relate to and go, gosh,
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Speaker 3: I've felt that, or I know my friend or my
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Speaker 3: sister has, and you know, and really helped to recognize
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Speaker 3: and celebrate the differences that you know make us so
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Speaker 3: special and unique.
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Speaker 2: This is a topic that's there to my heart because
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Speaker 2: my second book in my series is called Lector Sparkleshine. Yes,
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Speaker 2: it's the kids that at can confidence are all just
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Speaker 2: a little bit self conscious about something about themselves. Princess
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Speaker 2: Francy didn't like wearing her glasses, so in book two,
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Speaker 2: Princess Francy gets her glasses and she wears them. And
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Speaker 2: then one little boy.
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Speaker 4: He talks so loud because he gets so excited, and
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Speaker 4: that's what's so special about him is that he's excited
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Speaker 4: about everything all the time, and people always ShW.
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Speaker 2: No, don't calm down, show your excitement. That's who you are,
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Speaker 2: just like your pumpkin is bumpy. Well he's bumpy and
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Speaker 2: that's beautiful just the way he is.
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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, I mean I love that. And Gosha, the
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Speaker 3: story of your book, yeah, just definitely hits home. You know, kids,
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Speaker 3: growing up is hard, and at an early age, kids
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Speaker 3: start to recognize differences. They may not understand them, but
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Speaker 3: they understand hair color is different, closer difference, what we
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Speaker 3: like to do is different, how we speak or our accents,
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Speaker 3: you know, and again they may not understand what it
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Speaker 3: all means, but they start early. And I think one
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Speaker 3: things that adults I'm not going to say just parents,
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Speaker 3: So any adult with kids can start to normalize being
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Speaker 3: different and being unique and talking about it and celebrate
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Speaker 3: it and really just highlighting you know, it's fun to
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Speaker 3: be different. We don't want to be like everyone else.
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Speaker 3: We want to be our own person, and it's hard
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Speaker 3: for kids to, you know, understand that. So through your story,
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Speaker 3: through The Bumpy Pumpkin, they can go through that journey
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Speaker 3: and see themselves in the characters that we you know,
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Speaker 3: have created and it's just so special, and I think
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Speaker 3: to it can generate a lot of great discussions, you know,
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Speaker 3: whether it's in a read aloud forum, it's story time,
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Speaker 3: you know, to talk about what are our characters experiencing,
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Speaker 3: how kids themselves felt like that, what did they do
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Speaker 3: in those scenarios? You know, what about them makes them
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Speaker 3: so special and different? And then celebrate that. So again,
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Speaker 3: I think these books are great conversation starters as well. Again,
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Speaker 3: from the youngest kid to you know, adults. You know,
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Speaker 3: I think there are messages that really ring true and
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Speaker 3: apply to all of us for sure.
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Speaker 2: Well, I know that I didn't want to let mysel
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Speaker 2: sparkle shine until I reached my fifties because I was
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Speaker 2: always told I was too much, I was too loud,
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Speaker 2: I was too fat, I was too whatever to whatever, Yeah,
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Speaker 2: to whatever fit in. And that's because I wasn't meant
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Speaker 2: to fit in. I was meant to sparkle, right, And
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Speaker 2: so our children, each and every child is meant to
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Speaker 2: sparkle in their own way. So why do we keep
8:32
Speaker 2: trying to fit them all in a mole? Yeah, they
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Speaker 2: don't fit in.
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Speaker 3: I love that, you know, I love the message and
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Speaker 3: sparkle feathers and you know, like you said, lost or sparkle,
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Speaker 3: because I think that that is something that happens as
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Speaker 3: we turn into adults. Right. We go on our journeys,
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Speaker 3: whether it's education, it's you know, careers, jobs, families, and
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Speaker 3: we lose a lot of our sparkle. And so I
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Speaker 3: think this is just a great, great point to make
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Speaker 3: that again kids, we wanted to celebrate uniqueness in them,
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Speaker 3: but also as adults, it gives us a reminder that hey,
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Speaker 3: you know, just to remember who we are and what
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Speaker 3: you know, it's so special about us. And you know,
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Speaker 3: I so again I love that message of you know,
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Speaker 3: just finding your sparkle, keeping your sparkle. I think as
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Speaker 3: adults we tend to lose it sometimes and so I agree,
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Speaker 3: you know, kind of coming into my own again later
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Speaker 3: in life. It just it feels great. But it took time,
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Speaker 3: and I think again, helping kids understand just how wonderful
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Speaker 3: they are because they're different, it's just so important.
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Speaker 2: Since I'm a confidence coach, I recognized I was coaching
9:53
Speaker 2: people to live a holistic, healthy lifestyle. I was coaching
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Speaker 2: people in public space, I was coaching people in writing
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Speaker 2: their stories or I'm doing that now. But in all
10:07
Speaker 2: of this confidence coaching helping people find their confidence, what
10:12
Speaker 2: I realized is every bad habit we had to break
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Speaker 2: was a result of negative childhood programming. Every time a
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Speaker 2: child is told you should be more like you steal
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Speaker 2: a little piece of their confidence because they don't need
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Speaker 2: to be a little They don't need to be like
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Speaker 2: anyone else. They need to be themselves.
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Speaker 3: I agree, I mean, like you, It slowly chips away
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Speaker 3: at who they're developing and who they're trying to become.
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Speaker 3: And then, you know, it can make them feel like
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Speaker 3: they have to fit in, you know, and they have
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Speaker 3: to do what other things are doing, you know, whether
10:59
Speaker 3: it's maybe a little boy who gets teased for not
11:02
Speaker 3: wanting to play sports, but he loves to dance, you know,
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Speaker 3: so he may give up something, you know, or choose
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Speaker 3: not to do keep dancing because it's different and and
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Speaker 3: others don't understand it. And I think, you know, helping
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Speaker 3: not only kids find their confidence, but on the flip side,
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Speaker 3: recognizing that teasing and you know, making fun of a
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Speaker 3: kid for something different, you know, having you know, wearing glasses,
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Speaker 3: yes exactly, for liking something for you know, for where
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Speaker 3: they live. Anything like that. You know, often it is
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Speaker 3: a reflection of that that own kids insecurity, and you
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Speaker 3: know they project that, and so you know, again, teaching
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Speaker 3: kids to find that confidence, feel confidence, and in those
11:48
Speaker 3: moments be able to navigate them because they know that
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Speaker 3: they really are special, you know, and what is being
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Speaker 3: teased about is irrelevant. You know, it doesn't take away
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Speaker 3: from who they are and all the wonderful things that
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Speaker 3: they can do.
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Speaker 2: And if you think about it, if all kids felt
12:07
Speaker 2: comfortable in their own skin, we'll do away with bullying,
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Speaker 2: because a bully is nothing more than a kid who
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Speaker 2: lacks confidence and goes instead of shrinking, they go the
12:24
Speaker 2: other route. So if every kid was confident in their
12:28
Speaker 2: own skin, they wouldn't feel the need to make somebody
12:34
Speaker 2: else smaller. Or if there was that one bully in
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Speaker 2: the room, everybody else would feel confident enough to say no,
12:42
Speaker 2: you don't have any way, right.
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Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean confidence has learned, and I think teasing
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Speaker 3: in a sense bullying can be learned as well, because
12:53
Speaker 3: if no one kind of stops that behavior or steps
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Speaker 3: in or says, hey, you know you're teasing the kid
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Speaker 3: about this, well, actually this is really cool. And this
13:02
Speaker 3: is why, you know, it doesn't stop that behavior, and
13:05
Speaker 3: so then it keeps continuing on and so yeah, it's
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Speaker 3: a pattern of behavior that I think everyone you know,
13:15
Speaker 3: needs to be paying attention to at an early age
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Speaker 3: because again, confidence starts building so young, and so you know,
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Speaker 3: we want to be fostering that as soon as we can.
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Speaker 3: And again talking about these topics of being different and
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Speaker 3: what makes us different, and you know, you can even
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Speaker 3: ask kids, you know, look at this character. Does this
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Speaker 3: look like other pumpkins? No, well, then tell me what
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Speaker 3: how it looks different? You know, let's talk about it.
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Speaker 3: Let's see and you know, point out all the ways
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Speaker 3: that it's still beautiful even though it's different. And so
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Speaker 3: again just I think having that constant open communication is
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Speaker 3: so key, even even for the little ones.
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Speaker 2: So well, especially the little ones, because my whole mission
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Speaker 2: is to raise the strong and kind of it in
14:00
Speaker 2: kids and give them the tools they need before middle school,
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Speaker 2: because middle school is when they're all trying to be
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Speaker 2: like the crowd. Yes, yeah, when they all just trying
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Speaker 2: to fit in, and if they have the confident and
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Speaker 2: I'm getting the chills now, you usually get the chills
14:18
Speaker 2: when I'm onto something. Yeah, when they have the confidence
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Speaker 2: to stand out, then when they get to middle school,
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Speaker 2: there's not going to be all that turmoil.
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Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, And it made me think too, like what
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Speaker 3: for kids, what makes them unique may mean that they
14:45
Speaker 3: are not let's say, a good fit so to speak,
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Speaker 3: for someone else, But they're going to find their own people,
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Speaker 3: their own friends who celebrate and love them because they
14:55
Speaker 3: are different. They are loud, they are unique, they wear glasses,
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Speaker 3: they dance, you know, they love to eat whatever.
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Speaker 2: You know.
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Speaker 3: I think too, because that's what really is happening in
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Speaker 3: middle school. They're finding their uniqueness so to speak, that
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Speaker 3: they can find their own group and their friends and
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Speaker 3: celebrate that. And you know, developing that all the way,
15:18
Speaker 3: you know, from that young age through middle school is
15:21
Speaker 3: so important. Yeah.
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Speaker 2: I remember in middle school thinking because I was not athletic,
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Speaker 2: because I wasn't skinny, because I didn't fit in with
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Speaker 2: that crowd. I always thought the people in that crowd
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Speaker 2: didn't like me, like I was a lesser last citizen.
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Speaker 2: If I learned to let my sparkle shine back then,
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Speaker 2: then I will I would have saved years of having
15:50
Speaker 2: to go to self help and counseling and coaches, Right,
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Speaker 2: that's my whole goal. Give the kids the tools they
15:59
Speaker 2: needed so they don't let's put this self help industry
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Speaker 2: out business.
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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, yeah, I agree. I mean I think we
16:11
Speaker 3: struggle kids and adults with you know, diminishing ourselves and
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Speaker 3: making ourselves smaller in a sense that we're toning down
16:20
Speaker 3: again those attributes that are different and make us unique,
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Speaker 3: and so instead of celebrating them, we try to make
16:28
Speaker 3: them smaller and quiet them down. And that's it's hard
16:34
Speaker 3: to be in that place. It's hard to get out
16:35
Speaker 3: of that place. You know, as adults, a lot of
16:37
Speaker 3: times we're trying to unravel the stuff that we learn
16:43
Speaker 3: growing up that has been a part of who we
16:45
Speaker 3: are for so long, for forty plus years, and so
16:48
Speaker 3: you're right, it takes a lot of time self help
16:51
Speaker 3: therapy to undo that to really come into your own
16:55
Speaker 3: And so if we can minimize all of that and
17:00
Speaker 3: at that young age be able to truly celebrate ourselves,
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Speaker 3: then it just sets you up for I think, a
17:08
Speaker 3: life that is more filled with joy and you know,
17:13
Speaker 3: confidence and you know, loving who you are. So yeah,
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Speaker 3: I mean, it's just it's such important work in messages
17:20
Speaker 3: that I think oftentimes we don't talk about enough, or
17:23
Speaker 3: we tend to overlook, you know, especially with kids, or
17:27
Speaker 3: we get busy in our day, and so you know,
17:30
Speaker 3: just reminding they're all these wonderful teaching moments all throughout
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Speaker 3: the day. And so there can be with story books
17:37
Speaker 3: and you know, characters and everything that they come into
17:40
Speaker 3: contact throughout the day, and so it's just kind of
17:42
Speaker 3: recognizing those moments to talk about who we are and
17:45
Speaker 3: building that confidence and you know, making that connection that
17:48
Speaker 3: kids can really understand.
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Speaker 2: I remember one of those teaching moments. It's one of
17:54
Speaker 2: my first book signings, and I was at an ice
17:56
Speaker 2: cream shop, no less, and if you could back here,
18:01
Speaker 2: this is my pusture in my book. And she has
18:04
Speaker 2: a scar on her face. And I wrote that into
18:07
Speaker 2: the story because while I was writing this story, I
18:11
Speaker 2: was bit by a dog. Oh goodness, while I was
18:14
Speaker 2: getting my lips sewn up. Is like this feeling overwhelmed me.
18:21
Speaker 2: And it was an over it was a calm just
18:24
Speaker 2: you know, came over me, saying this needs to go
18:28
Speaker 2: in the book. So Princess Francie has a scar on
18:32
Speaker 2: her face and she's sad and lonely and afraid to
18:35
Speaker 2: go to school. Well, one day I had this my
18:40
Speaker 2: pop up banner and a little girl said, oh, and
18:45
Speaker 2: she was scared of the scar. She said, that's scary,
18:47
Speaker 2: that's fooky. And I look, I said, look see I
18:50
Speaker 2: had on my face too. Is that scary? And she
18:53
Speaker 2: said no, not really. So there was a teaching moment, right, yeah.
18:59
Speaker 3: And how impactful of a moment that is that connection
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Speaker 3: not only with this kid, but creating you know, you
19:06
Speaker 3: helped to create an environment that felt safe, you know,
19:10
Speaker 3: to this kid where they were feeling a little scary.
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Speaker 3: Now that they they can recognize, hey, this is not
19:16
Speaker 3: as scary as I thought. But you know, if nothing
19:19
Speaker 3: was said, then that's exactly that kind of frame of
19:22
Speaker 3: mind that child would have been in regarding you know,
19:25
Speaker 3: that character. And so yeah, I love little moments like
19:27
Speaker 3: that that we can kind of shift the thinking or
19:30
Speaker 3: experience a child is having so that it is more
19:33
Speaker 3: positive and impactful in you know, such a such a
19:37
Speaker 3: good way.
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Speaker 2: Well, and now imagine she goes to school and there's
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Speaker 2: a child sitting there in the classroom with the scar,
19:45
Speaker 2: all alone because the other kids are afraid to trank her. Well,
19:50
Speaker 2: now this child said, oh, I saw that lady with
19:53
Speaker 2: this car that's nothing.
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Speaker 3: To be love, yes, yeah, and they they create a friendship,
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Speaker 3: you know, and then that child who was self conscious
20:02
Speaker 3: has that friend that that ally you know, someone that
20:06
Speaker 3: you know, they can kind of go through this journey together.
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Speaker 3: And so yeah, it's just it's so important.
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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's just one example of how children's books
20:18
Speaker 2: can have an effect on the whole family exactly. Yes,
20:23
Speaker 2: and it trickles down into your community.
20:27
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, I I have all my book my
20:32
Speaker 3: books from when I was a child. So I came
20:36
Speaker 3: my mom, my grandmother, my aunt. We loved story time.
20:39
Speaker 3: We always went to the library and came out. I
20:41
Speaker 3: was the kid with a huge stack of books. My
20:45
Speaker 3: you know, mom, grandma would always sign the books that
20:47
Speaker 3: they would give me. And so now I love to
20:49
Speaker 3: pull them out and read them and not only reflect
20:54
Speaker 3: on the moments I had with you know, my mom,
20:57
Speaker 3: my grandmother, my aunt, but then also remember how the
20:59
Speaker 3: book made me feel, like why I love them so
21:02
Speaker 3: much even as an adult. And I think those story
21:06
Speaker 3: times and reading a loud or you know, even for
21:09
Speaker 3: early readers as they're kind of navigating the text on
21:13
Speaker 3: their own, it just creates this wonderful connection, you know,
21:16
Speaker 3: between the child and the adult or whoever is there
21:20
Speaker 3: with them, and it can create lasting positive memories and
21:25
Speaker 3: feelings that you know stick with can stick with us forever.
21:29
Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, I love that.
21:32
Speaker 2: Books.
21:33
Speaker 3: Yes, I love it.
21:37
Speaker 2: Well, how could people number one find your books? And okay,
21:43
Speaker 2: public service announcement. Authors love reviews, everybody. Yes, please, if
21:51
Speaker 2: you read our book, if you love it, leave a
21:54
Speaker 2: five star review. If you read my book and there's
21:59
Speaker 2: something that didn't feel right, leave their review too, because
22:03
Speaker 2: I want your feedback. I want to learn what the
22:07
Speaker 2: readers like and don't like so I can put it
22:10
Speaker 2: in the future books.
22:12
Speaker 3: Yes, I agree. One, you know, you don't know what
22:16
Speaker 3: you don't know, and so through feedback, that's what you learn.
22:19
Speaker 3: What is really resonating with people, what kids. I love
22:22
Speaker 3: hearing when you know parents will say, oh, this is
22:25
Speaker 3: what my kid really gravitated to in your book, or
22:28
Speaker 3: this is the word they keep repeating, or this is
22:30
Speaker 3: why they want to keep reading it, because those are
22:32
Speaker 3: the moments you go, gosh, this book is really connecting.
22:35
Speaker 3: I am fine, it's just one kid, like one kid
22:38
Speaker 3: that is having an amazing experience with one of my books.
22:42
Speaker 3: I mean, that's why I do it. And so the
22:45
Speaker 3: books are on Amazon and then there's also an opportunity
22:48
Speaker 3: on good Reads to enter in a giveaway to get
22:51
Speaker 3: it for free digitally, so that is through the end
22:55
Speaker 3: of the month. So yes, just super excited on Amazon.
22:58
Speaker 3: Also have a website, Natalie that kind of features the
23:03
Speaker 3: books and just everything that I've been up to and
23:05
Speaker 3: working on. And you know, I think one of the
23:08
Speaker 3: one of the big assets that I really appreciated is
23:10
Speaker 3: I was able to work with a teacher who took
23:14
Speaker 3: the Bumpy Pumpkin and then created kind of a lessing
23:16
Speaker 3: plan resource for parents and teachers that really kind of
23:21
Speaker 3: walks through fun activities, whether they're coloring, their writing, word
23:25
Speaker 3: finds that kind of walks through emotions that you know,
23:29
Speaker 3: kids may experience what it's like to be different, finding
23:32
Speaker 3: the differences. And so I am really honored to be
23:35
Speaker 3: able to have that, as you know, kind of a
23:37
Speaker 3: supplement as well to go with the book. Again, just
23:40
Speaker 3: another way to talk about celebrating differences.
23:44
Speaker 2: Wouldn't the world be that a much better place if
23:49
Speaker 2: everyone just took for granted that people are different.
23:52
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just just how Yeah, it's you know, it's
23:57
Speaker 3: the way it is, and we yeah, there's nothing wrong
24:01
Speaker 3: with it. You know, there's just so much pressure. And
24:05
Speaker 3: I think I have to think about my younger self
24:08
Speaker 3: because if I'm feeling pressure now as an adult, the
24:11
Speaker 3: pressure is just amplified for kids. They're going, they're growing,
24:15
Speaker 3: they're they're coming into their emotions. They don't understand everything,
24:20
Speaker 3: they don't understand what they're feeling, but they know whatever
24:23
Speaker 3: that is going on, they don't like it, you know,
24:25
Speaker 3: it's giving them a bad feeling. And so again, in
24:29
Speaker 3: those kind of moments, kids often retreat and they diminish
24:33
Speaker 3: themselves and they start to kind of, you know, crawl
24:36
Speaker 3: into that shell. And what we want to do is
24:39
Speaker 3: have them burst out of it and know it's okay
24:42
Speaker 3: to be running around and being themselves, you know, and
24:44
Speaker 3: not being the quiet one in the corner because they're
24:47
Speaker 3: afraid of, yeah, showing the world all everything that's wonderful
24:51
Speaker 3: about them.
24:54
Speaker 2: It took me a long time to embrace my weirdness. Well,
24:59
Speaker 2: you think about it's the fifth grade little girl who
25:01
Speaker 2: decided to play the tuba in the band, and the
25:07
Speaker 2: girl who joined the navy and wanted to be an
25:10
Speaker 2: aircraft electrician, and I could go on and on with
25:16
Speaker 2: all the ways I'm different, and I was always told well,
25:23
Speaker 2: that's not ladylike, yes, and then here I am covered
25:29
Speaker 2: in grease from you know, laying under a jet engine
25:34
Speaker 2: and you're telling me I'm not ladylike enough. Something's not
25:39
Speaker 2: right here.
25:40
Speaker 3: And how cool it is that you were laying under
25:43
Speaker 3: a jet engine covered in.
25:44
Speaker 5: Grease like that is awesome And I want more girls
25:49
Speaker 5: to understand if that's the way you feel, yes, it's
25:55
Speaker 5: oh okay, don't let anyone tell you that.
25:59
Speaker 2: Just become you are a girl. You shouldn't feel that
26:03
Speaker 2: way exactly.
26:05
Speaker 3: You do whatever you want, you know. As growing up,
26:08
Speaker 3: I was considered a tomboy because yeah, I love to,
26:11
Speaker 3: you know, go swimming in the creek. I'm from Georgia,
26:14
Speaker 3: so we were always out in the fields playing, you know,
26:17
Speaker 3: running around at the farm and you know, playing sports.
26:20
Speaker 3: And I just I didn't want to be in a
26:22
Speaker 3: pink too too. I wanted to be muddy and running
26:24
Speaker 3: around a lot like scalp my goat, and so yeah,
26:29
Speaker 3: oftentimes growing up I didn't feel girly enough, you know,
26:33
Speaker 3: I didn't want to wear a dress like I you know,
26:36
Speaker 3: I wanted to wear clothes that I could run around
26:38
Speaker 3: and get dirty in, and so yeah, it's it's very
26:41
Speaker 3: interesting to reflect back on it now because I can
26:45
Speaker 3: remember the times that and they've stuck with me for
26:49
Speaker 3: so long that I went, oh, like, it's not okay
26:52
Speaker 3: to be me, it's not okay to like these things.
26:55
Speaker 3: And so I guess I have to put bows in
26:59
Speaker 3: my hand wear dress and we're tou tou when this
27:03
Speaker 3: is not really what makes me happy. So then started
27:07
Speaker 3: a pattern of people pleasing and so then you start
27:12
Speaker 3: and it's funny because I think about it now as
27:14
Speaker 3: an adult. So I'm a nurse by background, and so
27:17
Speaker 3: I was always like the yes person, said yes to everything.
27:21
Speaker 3: You know, whatever you need, I got it, I'll take
27:23
Speaker 3: care of it, always making sure everyone else is taken
27:26
Speaker 3: care of. And I know that that started at a
27:28
Speaker 3: very early age of trying to make sure that I
27:32
Speaker 3: was doing what some adult thought was best. And you
27:37
Speaker 3: know that takes a long time, that behavior, that thought process,
27:40
Speaker 3: it takes a long time to yeah, just get rid
27:43
Speaker 3: of and break is very hard as an adult. But
27:46
Speaker 3: that started in childhood absolutely, and I before middle school
27:51
Speaker 3: for sure.
27:53
Speaker 2: But people pleasing is a disease. Yes, it really, it
27:59
Speaker 2: is a disease. And you can't just say I'm going
28:02
Speaker 2: to stop people pleasing. You have to figure out the
28:06
Speaker 2: root cause of why you are people pleasing. It's not comfortable,
28:14
Speaker 2: it's not easy. But boy, when you figure it out,
28:21
Speaker 2: does life become beautiful.
28:24
Speaker 3: It is such a breath of fresh air. And you
28:27
Speaker 3: don't really realize how I'm going to say, use the
28:30
Speaker 3: word toxic. It is. I mean, it is just all
28:33
Speaker 3: encompassing it. It steals your sparkle, It diminishes you. It
28:38
Speaker 3: stops you from being your wonderful, fabulous self, and it
28:44
Speaker 3: really it does. It takes a lot of work to
28:47
Speaker 3: kind of undo that thinking, and you're one hundred times
28:51
Speaker 3: like a thousand percent correct, Like when you are no
28:55
Speaker 3: longer stuck in that pattern of thinking, life just looks different,
29:00
Speaker 3: feels different, it just and it's truly amazing. And yeah,
29:06
Speaker 3: I mean part of me goes gosh, I wish I
29:08
Speaker 3: had done this work earlier, but you know, it just
29:11
Speaker 3: it takes so much time and you don't want to
29:13
Speaker 3: rush it. And so again, if we can just skip
29:17
Speaker 3: this part for kids that are growing up and just
29:20
Speaker 3: let them be them. Then they're not, you know, in
29:22
Speaker 3: their forties or fifties trying to undo what you know,
29:27
Speaker 3: we thought we had to do and be as little
29:30
Speaker 3: as little girls.
29:32
Speaker 2: And one thing that I always like to say in
29:35
Speaker 2: this parent Talk forum, it's not the parent's fault. Even
29:41
Speaker 2: though my parents made a mistake, maybe their parents made mistakes,
29:47
Speaker 2: My great grandparents made mistakes. Everybody just kets on the
29:53
Speaker 2: best information.
29:55
Speaker 3: That they have at TIDE.
29:58
Speaker 2: Keep tuning into parents Talk, you will receive the information
30:03
Speaker 2: to break that cycle. If you explore all the children's
30:10
Speaker 2: books we talk about on Parents' Talk, you will find
30:15
Speaker 2: books to help you have these conversations with your children.
30:21
Speaker 3: I love that. I mean, it's everything you just said
30:24
Speaker 3: just drives home the message of you don't have to
30:26
Speaker 3: do it alone. You know, whether you're a parent. I'm
30:29
Speaker 3: a bonus mom, so I don't have kids on my own,
30:31
Speaker 3: but I've got three bonus kids that love to absolutely love,
30:35
Speaker 3: and they're you know, seven, twelve and seventeen, so wide
30:40
Speaker 3: range of ages and emotions and development, and you know,
30:45
Speaker 3: you don't you don't have to figure it out on
30:47
Speaker 3: your own. There are these resources. There are books, there
30:49
Speaker 3: are stories, there are all kinds of ways to connect
30:51
Speaker 3: with kids, you know, that are creative and fun and different,
30:56
Speaker 3: and yeah, you just don't have to just kind of
30:59
Speaker 3: always wing it and just kind of do what we
31:02
Speaker 3: think is best based on like how I was raised,
31:05
Speaker 3: you know, I know, I want to do things a
31:06
Speaker 3: little bit differently. Don't really know all the best ways,
31:09
Speaker 3: so look at resources like storybooks and things like that
31:13
Speaker 3: to be able to make those connections. So yeah, it's
31:16
Speaker 3: just so important.
31:18
Speaker 2: You haven't been there yet. Check out Sparklefeathers dot Fun.
31:23
Speaker 2: That is my website with sparkle Feathers and friends, and
31:28
Speaker 2: there's a newsletter there. Sign up for the newsletter. You
31:32
Speaker 2: will get the podcasts as they drop. You will get
31:38
Speaker 2: some inside information about the authors I highlight on the podcast.
31:43
Speaker 2: You will get links to buy the books. You will
31:47
Speaker 2: get activities to do with your kids and your family.
31:52
Speaker 2: There's just so many resources and so much information and
31:57
Speaker 2: quite frankly, Sparklefeathers dot Fun and you know there's got
32:00
Speaker 2: to be some fun too.
32:02
Speaker 3: Absolutely love the name, absolutely nothing but fun.
32:05
Speaker 2: Yes, Well, is there any last words you want to
32:10
Speaker 2: say before we wrap this up?
32:13
Speaker 3: One? Thank you so much for having me again. I
32:16
Speaker 3: love being able to find ways to connect with kids
32:19
Speaker 3: and readers and people of all ages, and you know,
32:22
Speaker 3: just I love what we're doing is highlighting that relationship
32:25
Speaker 3: between parents and kids, whether again it's a bioparent or
32:29
Speaker 3: an adoptive parent or a bonus parent, and just again
32:33
Speaker 3: utilizing stories to help make that connection and really drive
32:37
Speaker 3: home these messages that are so important.
32:40
Speaker 2: And with that, I'm going to say thank you for
32:43
Speaker 2: joining us in this episode of Parents Talk. Be looking
32:47
Speaker 2: for the next episode, and please join the newsletter so
32:52
Speaker 2: you know when they come out.
33:00
Speaker 3: Yah