Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 134: Layer by Layer: Emotional Renovation

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134: Layer by Layer: Emotional Renovation · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:22
  My name is MaryAnn Walker and I'm the life coach for impasse and highly sensitive people.
• 0:26
  And I absolutely love it when I get messages from my clients.
• 0:31
  So one of my clients who's following me on Instagram, sent me this video and oh my gosh, you guys, it is hilarious.
• 0:38
  And it's totally what we're going to be talking about today.
• 0:41
  But it's a little video clip where the caption says when you're heading to your first therapy appointment, thinking you'll only need one session to get through all of your emotional baggage.
• 0:49
  And then the video is a car that is completely weighed down with what looks like an entire house load of stuff on one tiny little car it's scraping, as it pulls out of the driveway and onto the main road.
• 1:01
  It is hilarious.
• 1:03
  And it is so relatable.
• 1:05
  I know that I told you recently that me and my family are in the process of moving.
• 1:09
  And we're moving into a fixer upper.
• 1:11
  Okay.
• 1:12
  We're not afraid of a little bit of elbow grease to really get the job done well.
• 1:16
  It's very satisfying to not only save the money by doing it yourself, but to know that the job's been done correctly.
• 1:22
  So we're not shy about doing that.
• 1:24
  Right.
• 1:25
  So, okay.
• 1:26
  Let me just set the stage for you.
• 1:28
  So a few weekends ago, we were working on the roof.
• 1:31
  We knew that the roof needed to be replaced.
• 1:34
  So we invested several days scraping off the old shingles.
• 1:37
  There were multiple layers there.
• 1:39
  We knew that there was at least one hole in the roof.
• 1:42
  We just knew that this needed to be done.
• 1:43
  Right?
• 1:44
  So we scraped off all of the shingles that took significantly more time than anticipated.
• 1:49
  After all the shingles were off.
• 1:50
  We were able to see that, okay.
• 1:51
  There's not just one hole, there's not two holes.
• 1:53
  There are four holes in that roof and a significant amount of water damage on the plywood that's underneath the shingles.
• 2:02
  So, okay.
• 2:02
  So I guess we've got to remove the plywood so we can replace that and have a strong roof.
• 2:07
  So we started removing the plywood and as the plywood's coming down.
• 2:10
  Guess what came with it?
• 2:11
  The rain gutters that I thought would be salvageable that were hooked onto that plywood also came down.
• 2:17
  Now as I watched as all of this plywoods coming down and all of the rain gutters are coming down and we already have a huge pile of shingles on the ground.
• 2:26
  I looked at my mom and I said, I need a mom hug right now because this is so much, I felt tears coming to my eyes.
• 2:32
  I was in so much overwhelm and I had to just sit and feel my feelings for a little bit realizing.
• 2:38
  That.
• 2:38
  Yeah, this is a bigger job than anticipated.
• 2:41
  Right.
• 2:41
  Just like that funny video about boy.
• 2:43
  Yeah.
• 2:43
  I thought this would be done in one session and now I'm realizing how much baggage I actually have.
• 2:48
  That's exactly how it felt working on this house.
• 2:51
  So I let myself cry for a little minute and feel all my feelings.
• 2:55
  And then once I was able to regroup and the dust settled a little bit then I could put my gloves back on and start loading up the shingles.
• 3:02
  So that's what I was doing on the ground was helping to load up shingles.
• 3:05
  We had some friends and family there to help, which I deeply, deeply appreciate.
• 3:10
  And we loaded up the big dumpster with shingles and, oh my gosh, you guys, this is just a random side note.
• 3:17
  But take a guess as to how much that dumpster weighed by the time we were done with it.
• 3:23
  I was blown away.
• 3:24
  We rented this dumpster and then they let you know when you're done what a weighed and then they bill you for it.
• 3:29
  Right.
• 3:29
  And so this dumpster weighed six.
• 3:33
  Tons.
• 3:35
  Okay.
• 3:35
  That is 12.
• 3:37
  Thousand.
• 3:38
  Pounds 12,000 pounds of shingles that we were lifting and putting in.
• 3:42
  And at first we could use our wheelbarrow on a ramp to go and just slide it in and dump it.
• 3:48
  And then as it filled up, we had to put the shingles in buckets and lift them over our head to get into the dumpster.
• 3:53
  It was so much more work than anticipated.
• 3:55
  We are still working on shingles, but now I'm getting a little bit off track here.
• 3:59
  So on this day that all of the shingles are coming down and there's just so much weight and it's not just the shingles, but it's also the plywood.
• 4:06
  The story just kept getting worse.
• 4:08
  So I went to pick up popsicles and cold treats for everybody that was working in the hot sun.
• 4:13
  And when I came back, I looked at the yard and I thought, wow.
• 4:17
  They must be feeling really ambitious because it looked like they took a tree down in the front yard.
• 4:22
  There's a dead tree in the front yard.
• 4:23
  I thought, well, there must be feeling super ambitious deciding to take that tree down.
• 4:28
  So I parked, I got out with the treats and I told them, wow, you guys must be feeling super ambitious.
• 4:33
  And they said, what are you talking about?
• 4:36
  This tree just fell over on its own.
• 4:39
  The branch completely fell off and it landed right between our friend's truck and my mother's car.
• 4:44
  And luckily did not scratch either.
• 4:47
  My mind was totally blown, but again, the feeling of overwhelmed came.
• 4:51
  Where I thought great.
• 4:52
  Now my hand has been forced.
• 4:54
  Now we're going to have to chop up that tree and get that hauled off.
• 4:57
  And I haven't cleaned up the mess that's already there.
• 5:01
  It just kept adding to my overwhelm.
• 5:03
  But you guys, it does not end there.
• 5:05
  I tell you what, this was an emotional roller coaster of a weekend.
• 5:09
  So when they got all of the plywood off, Guess what they found in the rafters.
• 5:15
  Number one, they discovered how little installation was actually up there.
• 5:19
  Number two, they found an insane amount of raccoon droppings.
• 5:24
  They pulled out five trash bags worth.
• 5:28
  Of raccoon droppings.
• 5:30
  And I'm so grateful that they were able to do that.
• 5:32
  I honestly don't know what would have happened if somebody else was doing the roof.
• 5:35
  If they would've taken the time to replace all of that plywood, if they would've scooped out all of the raccoon, droppings, or just chosen to bury it an installation.
• 5:43
  But I am so grateful to have that gone now as all of these things are happening.
• 5:49
  Yeah.
• 5:49
  I'm having to learn how to emotionally regulate.
• 5:51
  Right.
• 5:51
  I'm practicing being present with myself.
• 5:54
  And just being okay with allowing for overwhelm.
• 6:00
  And once I gave myself time to feel and to process that then I could get back to work.
• 6:05
  But it seemed like it was a constant struggle just when I thought that we were to a point where I could actually feel that sense of accomplishment.
• 6:12
  We discovered something else that needed to be done.
• 6:14
  That was going to require more time and more energy.
• 6:17
  Now, just to jump to the end.
• 6:19
  Yeah, we did get the roof done.
• 6:21
  We got everything cleaned up.
• 6:23
  And by the end of the weekend, I was actually shedding tears of joy that, wow.
• 6:28
  I cannot believe that we accomplished so much that it was so much more work than anticipated.
• 6:33
  But to have that reassurance that the roof was done well, we got things cleaned up, we got things organized.
• 6:39
  We got it done.
• 6:40
  Right.
• 6:41
  It felt so good.
• 6:43
  So, I just want to remind you as you're doing your own personal healing.
• 6:47
  That sometimes it takes time.
• 6:49
  And sometimes we uncover things layer by layer.
• 6:53
  As you know, I work with people in six week packages and by the end of six weeks, My clients are feeling pretty darn good about themselves.
• 7:01
  They feel awesome.
• 7:02
  I'm able to reflect back to them, everything that they've accomplished and I am just so incredibly proud of the growth that they experienced during our six weeks together.
• 7:10
  I'm just always blown away at how much they've been able to accomplish.
• 7:14
  And sometimes the clients are finished at the end of the six weeks.
• 7:19
  And other times.
• 7:21
  Then they say, okay, well, I really appreciate working on that.
• 7:25
  And now I see, I also could use some help with this.
• 7:28
  Right.
• 7:28
  It's uncovering all of those levels and layers, just like, cause we're taking off the shingles.
• 7:32
  Taking off all of the plywood scooping out the poop, taking down the rain gutters chopping up a tree.
• 7:39
  Sometimes it can feel like we're moving backwards.
• 7:44
  So, I just want to remind you that the people that listen here, I know you, I know you because I work with you every single day.
• 7:51
  I know how hard you're working.
• 7:53
  And sometimes when we see that there's more growth that needs to happen when there's more things need to be cleaned up, it can feel overwhelming.
• 8:03
  So, I just want to remind you that sometimes it appears to get worse before it gets better.
• 8:09
  And it's easy for us to trick ourselves into thinking that because it appears to be getting worse before it gets better that we're not making progress.
• 8:16
  But you are in fact making significant progress.
• 8:21
  I know for me, even when I'm cleaning out my closet then I recognize that.
• 8:25
  Okay.
• 8:25
  Yeah, my closet looks great, but now it looks like my bedroom has exploded.
• 8:32
  And my brain wants to say, I don't know, was it worth it?
• 8:34
  I didn't have to remind myself that guess what?
• 8:37
  I do actually have an organized closet.
• 8:39
  And yes, the mess has temporarily been moved to my bedroom, but this is what it looks like when you're sorting through the things that are serving you and the things that are not.
• 8:49
  Sometimes the pile of things that are no longer serving, you can feel very overwhelming.
• 8:54
  And it totally makes sense that it's feeling a little bit overwhelming right now because you're actually addressing it.
• 9:00
  You're addressing something that you've previously been ignoring.
• 9:05
  In fact up until exactly.
• 9:06
  Now you could just shut your closet door and not even think about it.
• 9:10
  But when you're mindfully taking the time to figure out what serves you and what doesn't, and it's shifting that energy.
• 9:16
  Yeah.
• 9:16
  It is really uncomfortable when things are brought into your conscious awareness that, oh, and I need to address that piece.
• 9:23
  It can feel overwhelming.
• 9:24
  It's a lot more comfortable to ignore it.
• 9:27
  So it's okay to allow yourself to feel a little bit of discomfort as you're working through things.
• 9:34
  So, yes.
• 9:35
  Allow some space for that overwhelm.
• 9:38
  And also remind yourself that, Hey, I did in fact, clean out my closet, I'm making progress.
• 9:46
  And sure, my bedroom is a little bit messy, but I've already proven myself in the closet that I'm capable of cleaning up.
• 9:52
  I'm capable of organizing things.
• 9:54
  And just because my room is temporarily messy because I've stirred up some things.
• 9:59
  It doesn't mean I have to stay in that mess.
• 10:03
  It just means there's another layer here.
• 10:05
  To the cleaning up..
• 10:06
  To the healing.
• 10:08
  So to bring this back to my house, because that's totally where my brain is right now.
• 10:13
  Then yes.
• 10:14
  Now I have a roof that I know is solid and will protect us.
• 10:18
  I also know exactly where those raccoons are getting up.
• 10:21
  And I know exactly which two trees we need to remove to prevent further damage.
• 10:26
  And that's a lot of the healing is identifying.
• 10:28
  Okay.
• 10:29
  What are the sneaky ways that those thoughts are coming in?
• 10:32
  What are the patterns of behavior that are preventing me from having that clean and solid roof, right.
• 10:37
  Or that clean foundation, that solid foundation.
• 10:39
  There's a lot of different ways I could go with this parable, but anyway, But really think about, yeah.
• 10:45
  We can take those trees out so that we will not have that same problem moving forward.
• 10:50
  I can actually take preventative measures now so that we don't end up with five garbage bags worth of raccoon waste in our rafters.
• 10:59
  And the same is true for you.
• 11:01
  Sometimes it's going to feel very overwhelming.
• 11:05
  You might just stop in overwhelm and cry for a little minute and say, Hey, I could really just use a hug.
• 11:11
  This is feeling like a lot more work than anticipated.
• 11:14
  I wasn't ready for that tree to come down.
• 11:16
  I wasn't ready to see the rain gutters plopping down on top of these already huge piles of stuff.
• 11:23
  And eventually the dust does settle.
• 11:27
  And it feels so much better.
• 11:30
  So wherever you are at on your healing journey, whether you're just wanting to address that next step of the shingles, or whether you're down a couple of layers and saying that there's a bit more work to be done, come and work with me.
• 11:40
  I would love to work with you and Hey, please just love yourself on this journey.
• 11:44
  It's very human to feel overwhelmed.
• 11:47
  And we don't know what we don't know.
• 11:49
  Right.
• 11:49
  Sometimes you have to remove the shingles and the plywood before you can see the crap underneath.
• 11:54
  It was all part of the healing journey.
• 11:57
  So love yourself enough to actually do the work, to take your time, to do the cleaning up.
• 12:02
  To be okay with having one extra project that, yeah, that's not very fun to climb through those rafters and to clean out that raccoon poop, but oh my goodness.
• 12:11
  You guys, not only do they scoop out all of the raccoon poop, but they took some bleach in there and got it all cleaned up.
• 12:16
  And I'm so grateful, right?
• 12:18
  I don't have to worry about having any gross smells coming into the home.
• 12:22
  I don't have to worry about any diseases because all of that is gone.
• 12:26
  And yeah, it was more work initially.
• 12:28
  But living in that home, moving forward is going to be so much better because we took that time to do that tidying up.
• 12:37
  So just to wrap things up, I just want to remind you that.
• 12:39
  Yeah, sometimes it is a little bit overwhelming to do this work.
• 12:44
  And it is so worth it, you can prevent so much damage moving forward by just taking the time to address those things along the way.
• 12:53
  And it's okay if you're feeling like, Hey, this is a lot more work than anticipated.
• 12:57
  It's okay.
• 12:58
  To take some time to feel your feelings on that while the dust settles and then come back and hit it again.
• 13:05
  I just want to give you permission to do your processing and your healing layer by layer and focus on all of the growth that you've experienced.
• 13:13
  The brain does have a negativity bias.
• 13:15
  The brain wants to focus on everything that still needs to be done.
• 13:20
  And my job is to cheer you on and remind you of how far you have come.
• 13:25
  I do currently have a waitlist.
• 13:26
  So if you do want to work with me, make sure you contact me sooner rather than later.
• 13:30
  So you can be up a little bit higher on my waitlist, but I look forward to working with you.
• 13:34
  And I hope you have a great week.
• 13:35
  All right, have a good one.
• 13:36
  Let's talk soon.
• 13:37
  Bye now.