Latest / The Play Therapy Circle / Episode 20- Imposter Syndrome in CCPT - Trusting the Process

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Episode 20- Imposter Syndrome in CCPT - Trusting the Process · The Play Therapy Circle

0:00
Hi there and welcome to the Play Therapy Circle.
0:04
Before we begin, Please note this podcast is for
0:07
informational and educational purposes only.
0:10
It does not provide therapeutic advice and listening does not
0:14
create a client therapist relationship.
0:17
All views expressed are my own and any case example shared have
0:21
been de identified to protect privacy.
0:24
If you're seeking personal support, please reach out to a
0:27
qualified mental health professional in your area.
0:33
Hi and welcome to an episode of The Play Therapy Circle.
0:38
I'm Kylie Ellison, a therapist, clinical supervisor and play
0:42
therapy trainer and I'm so grateful you're here.
0:45
This podcast is a space for thoughtful, soulful
0:49
conversations about child centred therapy, play based work
0:53
and what it means to show up with presence and compassion
0:57
both for our clients and for ourselves.
1:00
Whether you're a seasoned play therapist, a student just
1:03
starting out, or someone deeply passionate about working with
1:07
children, you belong here. Hey everyone, and welcome back
1:14
to the Play Therapy Circle podcast.
1:16
I'm your host, Kylie Ellison, and I am so glad you are here.
1:22
Welcome to Hawaii, you guys. I am on my balcony of my hotel.
1:30
We have had a morning. We've been busy doing some
1:32
sightseeing and we're just having a rest before we go down
1:35
to the pool. So I thought it would be the
1:36
perfect time to connect with you guys and record a podcast.
1:41
So I know that when I usually start my episodes, I am checking
1:45
in with all of you to how are you doing?
1:48
So that's important. How are you doing?
1:50
But also, I'm having a great time.
1:53
Oh my God. So you guys would remember in a
1:56
recent podcast where I did on self care, I was talking about
2:00
how tired I am. So I am definitely catching up
2:05
on sleep here, getting some vitamin D sunshine and it is
2:11
definitely what I needed. So I just love being here.
2:15
We actually, my husband and I got married here.
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So Hawaii holds a very special place in our hearts and it's
2:21
somewhere that we love to come to connect.
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So I'm just loving it. So we've got, it's Wednesday
2:26
here in Hawaii. So we've got two more days, two
2:29
more full days and then we fly home on Saturday.
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So we'll be back into it next week and our practise will be
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closing over Christmas. So it really does feel like
2:39
moving towards the end of the year now, which is really nice.
2:42
So this has been definitely what I needed.
2:44
So you guys will remember from that episode I said next year
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going to have some more holidays because you need it to recharge.
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So I hope wherever this is reaching you in your part of the
2:53
world, I hope that you are having a great week and that you
2:57
are getting some time for recharge as well.
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I now want to flag that we are in 31 countries now.
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So if you are a listener from 31 of our countries that follow and
3:09
listen to the podcast, welcome. Welcome to the Circle.
3:11
We are so glad to have you. And this episode, I guess on
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reflection of being able to stop and slow down over the last
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couple of days, I was thinking about what topic I would do
3:24
while I'm away. And I think that the one that
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stands out for me right now, because I have a whole list of
3:30
topics you guys for next year, we will record right through
3:34
until the end of the year because everyone is loving our
3:36
episode so much. We want to make sure we're
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getting those episodes out to you on all things CCPT.
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So in conversations before I left Australia last week about I
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guess the struggles as a CCPT practitioner, and one of the
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consistent themes was really around this idea of imposter
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syndrome. So I thought that today with me
4:00
having the chance to slow down, take a breath, that I feel I can
4:05
contribute to this conversation. And like I always say, guys, we
4:08
are here to start this conversation and start those
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reflections. But definitely want to
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acknowledge this is a very big topic that I'm, I'm certainly
4:17
not going to be able to fully cover in all of the time that I
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have. But it's been really nice to
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kind of slow down and celebrate and acknowledge CCPT and what it
4:28
means to be a CCPT practitioner for me.
4:30
So I really wanted to offer that connection to those of you out
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there right now who are doubting yourselves, who are feeling like
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you're not sure if you're doing a good job, especially towards
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the end of the year as well. When we come into kind of
4:45
Christmas, it's very easy to start to fatigue as a CCPT
4:49
practitioner. And that's why we definitely did
4:51
that episode recently on imposter syndrome.
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So that's really important. But sorry on self care and
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burnout, sorry. And so this episode really kind
5:04
of connects with that too. So I just want to acknowledge
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before I go any further, I'm not sure how our editing is going to
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go with this, but I can hear all of the kids playing downstairs.
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So I'm on level 21 of this building and down directly below
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me is the beach and the pool. And of course, wherever you go
5:25
in the world, kids are playing and I love that.
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I just love that. So it's beautiful to my ears to
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hear kids laughing and splashing and playing.
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But if it is annoying to you, hopefully we'll be able to fix
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the audio a little bit. So if it's not, I apologise.
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It's just so cool to hear everyone having such a good time
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downstairs. So I think I want to dive in, I
5:48
guess to get started and to talk about what it means to be a CCPT
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practitioner and when imposter syndrome starts to creep in, and
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it can be at any stage of your journey as well.
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So I just want to acknowledge, validate, and let everyone know
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who is feeling that whether you are 6 months into your journey
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or you're 12 years into your journey.
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ICU imposter syndrome comes and sometimes sneaks up on us, more
6:15
experienced play therapist, where we feel like we've got a
6:18
handle on things and then suddenly we feel like we don't.
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Or in the beginning you will really doubt the process, doubt
6:25
yourself, doubt whether it's working.
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And we often say in times of stress, we revert back to what
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we know. So sometimes we may feel like we
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need to go into other modalities or potentially introduce other
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approaches because we're not sure if it's working or not.
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And this podcast is really to help ground you back into CCPT
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practise. I really want to offer that to
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anyone who is feeling that sense of doubt or feeling like they
6:52
are experiencing that imposter syndrome because it is real and
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it happens throughout your journey.
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And it's a really great reminder, I often say, of being
7:03
able to stop and reflect on your practise, to re energise
7:08
yourself, to reconnect yourself, to reorientate yourself to the
7:12
modality so that you can continue the incredible work
7:15
that I know each of you listening are doing right now.
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So what does imposter syndrome look like for play therapists?
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So often times you'll feel or I will hear people reflecting
7:28
about how maybe they feel like they're faking it as a
7:32
therapist. So maybe they feel like what
7:35
they're doing isn't enough or it's not good enough in terms of
7:39
standard of practise, in relation to the skills of
7:42
tracking, reflecting, feelings, limit setting and others.
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They may feel like others are doing a better job than them.
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They feel like I'm, I'm not doing such a great job, but you
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know, look at, you know, Mary down the street and she's doing
7:53
a really great job. That's a really poor analogy.
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I don't even know why I said that.
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But you know what I'm saying that obviously other people
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within the profession, maybe it's perceived that they're
8:03
doing better, a fear of making mistakes.
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I think that that is definitely in the beginning as a beginning
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play therapist, where therapists often struggle is in worrying
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that if they reflect feelings in a certain way, that maybe it
8:19
will rap to the relationship. And so the therapist is worried
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about making any of those reflections.
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So they don't, which is I feel like definitely not necessarily
8:33
going into deeply our play therapy practise and and is
8:37
certainly staying safe. And and certainly for those who
8:40
I connect with, I'm encouraging them at at the absolute minimum
8:44
to be making sure that you are connecting with the feelings of
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a child in the playroom and having a go with that more so
8:51
than any other skill because it's really about that
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validation and empathetic understanding and listening.
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So that really is though, a challenging skill for beginning
9:01
play therapist and being worried that maybe what they will do in
9:05
terms of that skill they've learned in training may not hit
9:09
the mark. So questioning I think too, if
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they feel like as beginning play therapist that you're not doing
9:14
enough. I think that's something that
9:15
actually comes up a lot in beginning reflections, feeling
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like by doing tracking and reflecting feelings, I'm not
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doing anything. I feel like it's not really
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progressing the child, It's not targeting I guess those outcomes
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or goals that the parents or stakeholders expect and I feel
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like I'm wasting everyone's time.
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That can be part of those beginning anxiety and
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reflections and worries for play therapists.
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Reading every child's behaviour as a reflection of your
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competency, I think that's a really good one to acknowledge
9:50
around the fact that often beginning play therapists worry
9:53
that they aren't doing enough. Or if they are, if they're
9:58
having a child in the playroom that's overly aggressive, that
10:01
clearly their limits aren't working or something that
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they're doing isn't working in the playroom and that's why the
10:05
child's escalating. So really taking some of those
10:08
responses personally rather than sitting in that space of being
10:13
that observer as a therapist, what I guess contributes to this
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a little bit. Definitely one of the things
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that I'm seeing in current practise.
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So this is in November of 2025. So I like to caveat all of that
10:27
and caveat that I'm in Brisbane, in the Bayside area of Brisbane
10:29
in Queensland. So I can only talk to my
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community. But certainly I think one of the
10:35
things that I've talked in a few podcasts about now is the fact
10:38
that we are working with a population and a community right
10:42
now that is stressed and anxious more than ever.
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It's not getting where a better guys.
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I think on many levels it's it's escalating.
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So we connect and meet with parents in crisis.
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So understandably they're looking for some sort of
10:59
intervention that's going to help them to see results quickly
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and so we can really take on board that pressure from parents
11:06
because they are struggling themselves.
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So when we passionate out, that begins to help us to cope with
11:13
the stress that we're feeling, if we can recognise what we're
11:16
picking up on is most likely some of that projection from the
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parent. So that's a beginning part of
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how to manage that. So we'll talk about that soon.
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But definitely our communities are struggling and so that makes
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it difficult for us to not feel like we we're doubting ourselves
11:34
if we're not making those outcomes.
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I think that when we do connect and do our training and our
11:40
clinical programme work, we can often feel like the training is
11:44
very much focused on making sure that we have that technique down
11:47
pat, that we know exactly what we're doing in terms of
11:50
tracking, reflecting feelings, limit setting and making
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meaning. And if we don't, if we don't
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feel like we're doing that good enough in the playroom, we can
11:58
begin to doubt ourselves as well.
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I think in the profession, and I can again only talk to
12:04
Queensland in terms of statutory bodies and government bodies and
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how they fund therapy services, it's often very much outcomes
12:13
based and evaluation based. So that can also feel like we
12:17
need to, we have that pressure on ourselves.
12:19
We put put that pressure on ourselves to make sure that we
12:21
can get those outcomes, whether that's through a scale or a
12:26
questionnaire or other reports and things that we are needing
12:30
to provide to evidence what we're doing.
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So when we do that, we feel that pressure of being able to show
12:38
what is happening in the playroom.
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And I definitely think that that is something 10-11 years down
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the line now that I feel far more comfortable with doing in
12:46
terms of explaining that to stakeholders and being able to
12:49
stay within our framework without feeling like I need to
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have a whole bunch of data. Data definitely helps, but it's
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not the only thing. And so again, that's with
12:59
experience, it's with going to meetings where that question
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occurs and being able to build your skill set in the language
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that you can use to say back to stakeholders within the CCPT
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approach and principles. So very important.
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I think probably the other place, I guess where imposter
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syndrome can be triggered is I guess anywhere where we can see
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information online. So whether that's on social
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media, whether that's on YouTube, whether that's on a
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website, whatever that looks like, where we might be
13:35
comparing ourselves to others in the field and worrying that
13:39
maybe we are not as progressed or or not as skilled as we had
13:44
hoped. So I, I think definitely in the
13:48
beginning when I began my practise back in 2016 and 2015,
13:54
sorry, more like 2015, it definitely was.
13:58
It was something where I really had to be brave.
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I had to step outside of some of those anxieties to really deeply
14:07
connect with my belief in the approach that really helped me
14:11
in those beginning days because you don't have, like I often
14:14
say, it's sort of a catalogue in the back of your mind of
14:17
experiences with clients where you've successfully kind of
14:20
moved them to mastery that you can lean into.
14:22
I've got a lot of those. I hold a lot of those memories
14:25
and and teachers along the way that have helped me to build my
14:29
confidence. But in the beginning, you don't
14:30
have that. So I think sometimes we can feel
14:34
like we doubt ourselves. And it's definitely very
14:37
important to lean into the principles of what you have
14:40
learnt in your training as a way of being able to navigate
14:45
building that experience portfolio.
14:47
Because once you do I, I truly believe it does make it
14:50
definitely a lot easier. But I just want to normalise for
14:53
anyone right now who is beginning couple of years of
14:56
practise, who is really doubting themselves.
14:58
Sometimes that's really, really normal.
15:00
It's really, really normal. And what I will often say when I
15:03
have supervisees come to supervision to talk about this
15:06
is that from my perspective, what I'm hearing from that
15:12
supervisee is that they deeply care about this work, that they
15:15
are asking for more help with being able to do their skills or
15:20
more resources so that they can empower themselves to be the
15:25
best practitioners that they can be.
15:27
So I really think that that is an indication cater that it
15:30
means a lot when we do start to feel that imposter syndrome
15:34
because we really want to do a good job.
15:36
So what makes CCPT sometimes trigger that self doubt?
15:42
What is some of those variables that really start to trigger
15:47
that anxiety and ask kind of questioning, are we good enough
15:51
at our jobs? Are we good enough CCPT
15:53
practitioners? I think the biggest thing that
15:57
stands out for me, and I've put it in the title as well around
16:01
trusting the process. I think I've joked in other
16:04
podcasts that I literally want to put this on AT shirt.
16:06
I'm not even kidding. I feel like this is something I
16:09
say a lot so often to my supervisees.
16:13
And you know when you've done it.
16:16
So in the playroom, when you do limit setting and you have a
16:19
child that you've been working with for quite a while, one of
16:21
the firsts, one of those shifts and changes that we see is when
16:25
kids can actually start to tell you the limit.
16:27
And, and that's when we know that we have helped to support
16:30
that child to regulate their emotions, be able to redirect
16:33
themselves appropriately when they're like, I know, I know I
16:35
can't bounce the ball on the wall.
16:37
And that's great. When we get to that point, I
16:39
feel like I get that with supervisees as well, where I'm
16:42
like, guys like, it's OK, trust the process.
16:45
And like, I know you're going to say trust the process and it
16:48
gets really like irritating to some of my supervisees because
16:51
like, we know that you were going to say that, but but truly
16:55
that is CCPT at its core is trusting the process.
16:59
So I definitely want to put that on AT shirt for sure and send
17:03
that to my supervisees. I'm sure they'd love that.
17:06
But really, all jokes aside, it's about the fact that CCPT is
17:10
non directive. CCPT is non directive, but it's
17:13
also relationship based and this is the difference.
17:17
We really truly need to connect and form that therapeutic
17:22
alliance which we've talked about in an earlier like
17:25
beginning podcast episode. So go back and have a listen to
17:28
that one, if you like, on facilitating that relationship
17:32
because I just know how important that is.
17:35
But really truly, I think at its core, what has really been a
17:39
strong theme for me this year throughout my practise and so
17:42
working with clients and working with supervisees and in the
17:45
training space is that everything else aside, we need
17:49
to be able to connect with the child.
17:51
And this is where Virginia Axe aligns core tenants of CCPT come
17:55
in. And, and especially those
17:57
qualities, not only just the qualities of a therapist, but
18:00
really what it is and what it means to be a CCPT practitioner.
18:03
It's about truly through our reflections, communicating that
18:06
empathy, congruence and unconditional positive regard.
18:09
I also want to put that on AT Shirt.
18:11
I'm not even kidding. I think that sometimes we in the
18:15
trenches of working with children, especially when they
18:17
are really struggling and having a difficult time, I think that
18:21
it can be really challenging for us to hold that in mind.
18:26
I think we forget it sometimes and not intentionally, but I
18:29
think we can become anxious. We can become worried about how
18:32
quickly progress is happening. We can be worried about
18:35
expectations from stakeholders. We can feel like when we have to
18:39
meet with the parent, we're not going to have a lot of updates
18:42
to give them. But I always, always, always
18:44
lean back into change theory with this as evidence of CCPT,
18:50
that we have to have that relationship in order to help
18:54
facilitate that change. And that establishment of that
18:58
relationship is complex because depending on what has happened
19:01
for the child before they walk into your playroom for the first
19:04
time is going to determine how quickly that relationship begins
19:10
and also how you're doing and how you're feeling and how you
19:13
connect. There are kids that I have had
19:16
in the playroom that I have met with them and gone, Oh my God, I
19:18
don't think I can connect with this kid.
19:20
And, and, and that is imposter syndrome as well, right?
19:23
Because that comes up as soon as we feel like, oh, this isn't a
19:27
typical child. This isn't, there is no typical
19:30
child also. So I'm talking myself out of
19:32
every conversation I'm having today, you guys really, truly.
19:35
But I think that the children that I've found the most
19:39
challenging in terms of building that relationship.
19:43
So if you have children like that right now in your playrooms
19:45
where you like, I just, I find it hard to connect.
19:49
I find it hard to really sort of find that common ground or that
19:55
just connection point with a child.
19:57
Keep going. Trust the process.
19:59
Put it on AT shirt, Trust the process.
20:01
Because over 11 years, 1011 years, it has been those kids
20:06
that I've learned the most about my practise from.
20:09
So they are actually. Incredible angels to me in terms
20:13
of, and I don't mean that in a religious sense, I just mean
20:15
that in a sense of they have come at a point in my career
20:19
where I needed to expand my skills and they gifted me that.
20:24
So it's a really different way of framing it guys, to look at
20:28
it not as this is a challenge, this is something about my
20:31
practise. I'm clearly failing.
20:34
I'm not good enough. I'm, I have an absence of a
20:36
particular skill that I need. No, no, no, this is strength
20:39
based, but it is also CCPT because we deeply believe in the
20:43
child's capacity for growth. And guess what, we get to have
20:46
that too. So we get to have that sense of
20:50
belief in our capacity for growth because where you are in
20:55
your journey, you're not going to be in two years time, you're
20:58
going to be so far ahead. So looking at it as an
21:02
opportunity to learn a new skill, expand your experience
21:06
and your skill set is an incredible opportunity.
21:10
So moving away in your mindset from I feel like I'm not doing
21:14
enough or I feel like I have a deficit in my skill to this is
21:17
going to teach me something that's going to make me an even
21:20
better play therapist. That's what I invite you guys to
21:23
consider in your practise. But it very much is non
21:26
directive in that relationship space and the child really knows
21:32
how much time they need to build that relationship before they
21:34
shift and change in their work. So again, when I say that, what
21:39
am I really saying? We're really leaning into very
21:43
much Virginia excellence attendance there.
21:46
When we say that the child will leave the agenda, the child
21:50
leaves the agenda because the child knows what they need to
21:53
talk about and in what time frame that looks like.
21:56
So really then we become that advocate for kids when we're
22:00
talking to stakeholders to say this child needs, you know,
22:04
maybe a few more sessions to be able to build that relationship
22:06
or they, they were able to really connect with me from the
22:09
beginning that were ready to tell their story.
22:11
It really just depends on the individual child.
22:14
So they're going to take some time and we genuinely don't know
22:17
what that number of sessions looks like to build that
22:19
relationship. So you're not always going to
22:21
see that immediate tangible change when it's at their pace.
22:26
And that's something that you can explain to parents and
22:28
caregivers in that initial consultation if you want.
22:32
I always say this, if you want long term sustainable change,
22:36
I'm not going to be able to do that in five sessions.
22:38
I'm not going to be able to do that in 10 sessions.
22:41
The child needs some time. Let's work at their pace for
22:44
long term sustainable change. Hey everyone.
22:49
That is the first part of our podcast.
22:51
There was so much to talk about that we needed to make a two
22:53
part of. So you're going to have to catch
22:55
up next week's episode for Part 2.
22:57
This is a big Aloha from Hawaii. I hope wherever this reaches
23:01
you, you are well. And we'll catch you guys again
23:03
next week. Bye.
23:07
Thank you so much for being here for another episode of The Play
23:10
Therapy Circle. If anything resonated with you
23:13
today, I'd love it if you could follow the podcast, share it
23:17
with a colleague, or leave a short review.
23:19
It really helps others find our circle.
23:22
And if you have a topic or question you'd love me to
23:24
explore, I'd love to hear from you.
23:27
This space is for you and I wanted to feel like a
23:30
conversation. Until next time, take care of
23:34
yourself and remember you belong here.