Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Men Are Not On Pause During Menopause

Transcript

Men Are Not On Pause During Menopause · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:12
  Speaker 1: It's I Do Part two.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: I'm Cheryl Burke, one of your celebrity mentors here on
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: the podcast, and today I'm excited because I'm going to
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: chat with someone who has successfully found love again in
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: their chapter two. She's an award winning journalist, author of
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: How To Metopause, women's health advocate, and host of her
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: own podcast, The Tampson Show. Everyone, please welcome Tampson Fidel
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: to the podcast.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Thank you. So you're in your I Do Part two.
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: I am, and I do think it's going well.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: I like it.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: I like it.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: It's going well.
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: Let's go back to the I Do Part one first though,
• 0:44
  Speaker 4: So we did that one.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I'm also divorced, and I am.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: I would say maybe heading that direction to that part
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: two part of things, but I'm not dating, nor do
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: I have any interest, So I don't know if I'm
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: heading that direction. But right now I'm dating myself. How
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: so your first marriage, you guys worked together, you were matchmakers?
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: Say more yes, yeah, uh, there was there was a
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: lot to say.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I met my first husband and I
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: was at an age where I'm like, oh my gosh,
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: I have to I have to like hustle this up
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: and get married, like, you know, because then I thought
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: there was this real critical timeline. I kind of had
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: a hit and I was a little bit older than
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: the regular timeline, and so I met him and it
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: was just like kind of fast and furious, and now
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: we call it maybe love bombing. But then I was like,
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: he must love me a lot. So we got together.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: We had started a business. We had moved to New York.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: I was at the time working as a news anchor,
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: and then he was working this business at matchmaking business
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: called the Love Consultants, and we were we were having
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: a great time. You know, we were setting people up,
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: we were you know, socializing, we were it was. It
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: was wonderful for a while, and then you know, it
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: just I think you realize in some at some point
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: like wow, I feel feel very lonely in this place.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: And that's what happened to me. And I was like,
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: this is not working. And I'm scared now to admit that,
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: like this is not working, because now I have failed.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: And so that was very worrisome to me for a
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: long time. Eventually it came to a place where, you know,
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: divorce was the only option, and I went through that
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: and I thought to myself. I'm my gosh, I'm embarrassed.
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: I'm ashamed now I look back and I was like,
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: what was wrong with you? This didn't work out and
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: it's okay. And it really took my father coming to
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: New York visiting me and we took a long walk
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: in the village one day and he was like, it's okay.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: You don't always have to win and everything like, it's okay,
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: that's where it is right now. And I felt like
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: it gave me a little bit of grace and I
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: left that relationship and I was like, I'm never getting
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: married again. I'm never falling in love again. I never never, never.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: And then you know, fast forward ten years later, and
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: so ten years to go. For ten years, I was
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: I went through the divorce separation. I was forty one,
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: so it was about it was forty actually was the separation.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: So I started forty and I got married again at
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: the age of fifty. And even then I was a
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: little like, oh, am I allowed to wear white? Am
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: I allowed to wear a pretty dress? Can I have
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: a big wedding? And then I was like, you know what,
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: I'm doing all those things and so it's been pretty amazing,
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: but I really did have that in my mind, like,
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: I'm never doing that again.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: When you were single, was it like, oh I feel
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: so lonely or were you thriving?
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: I did both, you know, I did both. So I
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: always had remembered my dad had said He's given me
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: a lot of these one liners that i'd lived by.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: I love your dad.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: He's pretty amazing. He's eighty five right now, and he's
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: just he's gone through so much. You know, he lost
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: my mother when they were you know, at a young age,
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: when he was young, and then he lost my stepmother
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: about three years ago. But to watch how he deals
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: with grief and then moves forward has just been an
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: incredible part of my life. But he had said to me,
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: it's better to be alone than lonely with somebody, and
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: that was what was happening. I was lonely with somebody.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: And so when I left that marriage, I had, you know,
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: some of those tough times. I was like, oh gosh,
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  Speaker 3: this is awful. I feel like I failed. I'm never
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: going to meet anybody. Everybody's coupled up, everyone's having children,
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: and so I went through a lot of that struggle
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: for a long time, like why didn't it work for me.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: And then I got to about my mid forties, forty
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: four a few years in of eating pizza with my
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: two chuhuahuas on the couch on Friday nights, and I
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: was like, I was so it was great. Where's on Netflix, guys?
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: I don't know what I was watching, but Blockbuster?
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: I remember Blockbuster.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: I was probably renting a movie. But you know, I
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: got to a place where I'm like, Okay, I can
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: go out there and enjoy dating again or at least
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: have fun, but I'm never going to get married again.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: And that's really what I thought, and I.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: Posted at yeah, I just getting married, it's just the
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: probably I should date, like this is my yeah.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah but that's good. How long how long
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: since the divorced? Like?
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: How long?
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: So it's been almost three and a half of yours?
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: All right, Well that's good.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: But like I've been, I was a serial dater prior
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: to my marriage, meaning like I wasn't single from age
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: thirteen till now forty or no since we separated, so
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: thirty seven.
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, is this the first time that you've been Oh yeah, yeah, I.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: Ghosted everyone like I'm no longer in Los Angeles like
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: it's me and my frenchie. Yeah, and when I have
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: at least well Netflix and my addiction to productivity. I'm
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: an addict as well. I've been sober for six years,
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: but like it is an addiction, you.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: Know, just not makes of course.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: But of course, going.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: Back to your first marriage, how did do you believe
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: that working together was one of many issues?
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: Definitely one of one of many issues. Here's what I
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: think the big issue was. I think that I didn't
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: realize how important it was to not just have that
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: initial spark, but to also be able to want to
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: walk the world with somebody. And that's how I feel
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: about my husband now, Like I want to walk the
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: world with him and so whatever that means to anybody else,
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: but to me, it means like this, this is a
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: person I want by my side. And I think then
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: when I got married that first time, and we were grinding,
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: you know, we were like, oh my gosh, we got
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: our job and as as long as this works out
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: and that works out, and we did a reality show
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: together and we did a book together, and what defines
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: success in that relationship was very different than what I
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: have defined success now. But working together was hard. It
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: was hard to shut it off, you know, because we
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: did a lot of it out of the apartment in
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: New York, which we all know we're not a big apartment,
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: and that was difficult, you know, it was. And then
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: I also think what was difficult is I didn't know.
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: I knew my value system, but I didn't know what
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: was really important to me because I had worked so much,
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: like my hustle was always my job. I worked in
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: TV news for a very long time whole career, and
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: television news is, you know, twenty four to seven. You're
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: kind of on and you're always worried about the next
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: job and the next job and the success of it all.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: And that's what my focus was. And so when it
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: came time to you know, that I was getting married,
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, I think this is the right
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: person and we would have fun together and sounds good.
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: I just didn't realize all the other nuances that you
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: really have to pay attention to during that time. And
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: if I look now, I'm like, wow, I can't even
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: imagine Tamson today could ever ever gone into a marriage
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: like that. And so I didn't blame myself then, but
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: I was very aware of what I never wanted to
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: do again.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: And are you do you? Are you therapy or did you?
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: Or do a lot?
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  Speaker 3: So therapy was a big part of it, taking care
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: of that mental part and really understanding here's what I
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: needed to understand in therapy, why did I do that? Like?
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  Speaker 3: Why did I?
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  Speaker 1: Why?
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  Speaker 3: Why did I put up with that for so long?
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: So you know, I was in a relationship that really
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: had become abusive and there were pink flags and not
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: quite read yet and I would look around, I'd be like, Okay,
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: this is a problem, but maybe there's a reason for it,
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: and this is probably a problem, but we can talk
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: that one away. And I and now going back and
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: looking at it, I was like, wow, why did you
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: talk yourself into that? Not out of it, into it?
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  Speaker 1: You're not alone?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I did that, And that was what I
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: had to grapple with in therapy, like why did I
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: talk myself into something that probably at the core I
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: knew was inherently wrong for me?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks for being so vulnerable.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: I can totally relate, and yeah, I will be in
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: forever therapy. I was in therapy since I was born
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: till I die, Like it's just so helpful for me
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: just to put a language to it my feelings, because
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: it's really like you, you know, I'm addicted to work and
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: it's just another uh form of a drug. Yeah, that's
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: just more h I guess accepted in society today.
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  Speaker 3: Rights, it's cheered on, it's revered in some cases.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: Are kidding given And if you go on vacation, you're.
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: Just lazy, like yeah, out for a little while.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: So selfish, Yeah, so selfish.
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: You really need that time, you're You're right, But I
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: really do the therapy change everything for me. I had
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: an eating disorder when I was younger, and I started
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: therapy in my mid twenties, and so that was always
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: something that really helped me through obviously really difficult places.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: But now it's not an on off. Now it's an
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  Speaker 3: on and that's what I do. It's not a question
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: of should I or shouldn't I. It's that's a part
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: of my life and I don't think about it. I
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: just do it. Yeah, And it's it's having a language
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: to things is important, having an understanding of it at
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: the core, because it's not just that one thing. It
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: relates to some of the other areas of your life,
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: and so you're able to deal with things, I think
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: in a different way, proactively just being aware of it,
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: just awareness.
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  Speaker 2: And sometimes it's like the AA program. It's like one
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: step at a time, one minute, one sometimes one minute,
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: sometimes a one day.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: It just depends on the day. It's a daily practice.
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: It is, and it's it's what my father told me
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: about grief. I said, how did you you deal with this?
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: Like you've dealt with so much? And he said, it's
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: one day at a time. It like that is it.
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: It's not what happens in a week and what happens
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: in a month and what happens in a year, and
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: why aren't we here?
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: All we have is now, right, That's what.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: We have and I and I think it's a precious
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: lesson that a lot of us are learning. I think
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: that I also think we have to be appreciative for
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: this day.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: I'm sure you're the same way. I was like, someday
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: I'll go on vacation someday, all someday, someday, someday all.
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, this is someday.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: This is your day.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: We're in someday right now, and we have to remember that.
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: And if we don't remember somebody needs to be around
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: us that reminds.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Us for sure, for sure. I mean it just like that,
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: you know, just like just like that. Wow.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: Okay, So now moving into first of all, congratulations on
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: your book, and I'm halfway through it, as I told
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: you prior to this interview, and your Good Morning America
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: interview is amazing.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Is it weird to be on the other side now?
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: It's so funny. You ask me that the teleprompter had
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: like something about a fire in it.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: Were you about to read it?
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: I was like, Oh my gosh, should I be doing
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: something like? I think? I got like this feeling of
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: like I think, does anybody you want me to take this?
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: And I was like, oh no, no, You're here for your
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: menopause book, not for the breaking news fire. But it's
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: such an automatic, you know, reaction to things.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: So many of your older colleagues interviewed you.
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, two of them did. I actually went back
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: to my old station where the first incident happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: So I worked at a television station in New York
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: City WPIX for about fifteen years, and one night in
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: twenty nineteen, I was anchoring the news like I did
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: every other night, and it was the ten o'clock newscast.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: It was live. All of a sudden, I got what
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: I now understood to be a hot flash, and then
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: I didn't know. I didn't have the language, heart racing
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: out of control, felt like I was going to fall
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: over the lights, making it even worse to hear my
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: heartbeat like in my ear, and I said, I gotta
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: get off the sets. I was let off the set.
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: A coworker realized what was going on, and I just
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: went down to the bathroom floor in the lady's room,
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: and I got up like fifteen minutes later. One of
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: my coworkers was putting like little packs on my head
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: of cold water. It was two guys, you know, because
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: it was mostly guys at night. So they're like, can
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: we come into the bathroom and help you? And I'm like, yeah,
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: I'm so embarrassed. So anyway, so fast forward. So that happened,
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: and that's how I realized I was in menopause, because
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: I wound up going to a doctor doing some blood work,
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: not knowing it was menopause. I was like, is it anxiety?
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: I was given antidepressants. It was all these things, And
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: it turns out I got them a note of my
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: patient portal that said in menopause, any questions and that
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: was it. That was in my patient portal forwards that
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: started me on this journey. So I went back to
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: the television. I left my job about a year and
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: a half ago to full time advocate for women and
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: women's health work on a documentary that was released about
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: six months ago on PBS called The M Factor, Shredding
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: the Silence on Menopause. It's not been seen in over
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: forty two countries, and so I know the need. I
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: always knew the need was there. Once I started on
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: this journey, I had no idea what that would bring me,
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: you know, seeing women be helped. And so I wound
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: up going back to the television station where that happened
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: earlier this week, and it was I don't know, it
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: was just.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: I feel right though it did.
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: It felt so right, thank you, It felt like wow,
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: I because I was so scared when I stepped away
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: from my job. My job was everything. I get it,
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: and I was afraid that I would be irrelevant and
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: that I'd work so hard. What am I doing? And
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: I'm afraid? And I just had a lot of a
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: lot of fear, you know, wrapped up in like my
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: identity with that sure and so yeah, I went in
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: and it was like that appearance for me. It was
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: great for you know whatever to talk about it, but
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: it was for me it was reassuring that like I
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: made the right decision. It really it told me it
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: was all okay, wow, yeah I can.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: I'm like have chills because it's the same thing when
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: you know, I was on Dancing with the Stars for
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: so many years.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, I know you yeah, now what.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: It's a very scary thing, but you know it's had
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: to be done even if there is like now what,
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: and maybe I don't have the exact answer, but it's like,
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: that's okay.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: I didn't you know, I didn't know exactly what I
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: was going to do. All I knew you didn't set up.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: I mean, I knew I was working on the documentary,
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: but we had gotten so many no's. We had no
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: idea where it was going to be going to yourself.
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: I did convest in myself with it for you, with
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: the group of women I was working with you and yeah,
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: and then we had some people come, you know, come
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: after and help with some different parts of the doc
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: But yeah, we put our own money into it. We
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: were told there was no interest in a in a
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: documentary about menopause, and there was. It was a niche audience.
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: One billion women by the way, or a menopause as
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: of this year, so not to niche. And yeah, no,
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: I really didn't know where the path was going to go.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: So and even if you do, I think it's scary.
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: Like I don't ever think that we walk away from
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: something that it is the only thing forever. Nothing is forever,
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: and we think it is when we're young, you know,
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: we think it is. And so I think that that's
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: a lesson I've learned. And I've had to learn how
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: to like be okay with you know, that movement, the unknown,
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: to keep up at night. It's really scary. I can
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: keep you up a lot of nights. And so even
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: after I left, I was like, what the hell did
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: I do? But now I know, like every woman I meet,
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: every woman I talk to, every screening, I see every
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: everybody that comes up and says like, look, I found
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: a doctor. I walked away from the doctor that didn't
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: help me. It helped me save my marriage. It helped
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: every single one. I'm like there, there's the sign, there's
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: the moment, there's the movement of women helping each other
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: and helping each other, and so I like, really like
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: not just that, not just like the hashtag, now like
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: really sitting in a room with one hundred women or
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: five women, you know, it's like it's like I never
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: understood really what grass movements? You know, I understood them,
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: I understood, but I never was part of anything like that.
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: And and now I understand how that happens because there's
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: such a need and an anger and an engagement and
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: an action has to be taken.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: Also, I think we're just so in a way built
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: and it could be generational obviously that asking for help
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: for me at least from you know, I was raised
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: by a very i would say Filipino mother started her
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: own company, you know, rags to riches story, and she
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: never asked for help, you know. And when you are
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: kind of observing hustle culture right in front of your
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: eyes from when you're a little girl, that's all you know,
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: That's that's that defines success. Yeah, So to undo all
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: those things, that's what's hard. It's very hard.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: Training.
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: Rewiring, Yeah, it's a rewiring and it's also being able
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: to say like, this is how I'm going to do it,
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: and this is everything is very different. The world is
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: different now, right how what we're able to do someplace else?
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: Like used to be how to live in New York
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: or LA and that was it, right, That's not what
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: it's like anymore. And so there's there's ways and different
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: definitions of success. And look to me right now, success
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: is a balance in my life. It's an understanding of
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: what is important to get me up every morning. I
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: loved my job, but I wouldn't say that I sprung
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: out of bed every day and couldn't wait to go,
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: you know, and hated to go to sleep at night.
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: I would say that now I have. I've just realized
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: that untapped, like whatever it was inside of me that
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: I could never quite feel, you know, I couldn't feel
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: like I loved what I was doing. People on the
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: outside loved what I was doing. They they were like,
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: are you crazy? You work so hard to get this job?
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: Why would you leave this this? It was very hard,
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: you know, it's I'm sure you know it's it's but wow,
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: do I realize are you.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: Are?
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: Just?
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: And I sometimes it felt like that you know, and
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: I do think it's also this time in our lives
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: as women when we look at this as forty and
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: fifty and sixty, and we have been ingrained that like
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: at this age, you know, oh boy, you know your
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: your best years are behind you. And that's just bullshit,
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: like that is not that is not it is not
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: true in any way.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: You're so right.
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: I get you're so filled by women that I see
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: doing incredible and they have They're amazing, and so they
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: I feel like I'm like kind of in that.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: Like now you have purpose, you know, Like I'm not
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: saying you didn't before. No, no, no, but but that
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: must feel so different.
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: It feels so different. And somebody, when when I first
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: started this conversation, they said to me, like, are you
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: really going to talk about menopause? Like that is not
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: a career. You know, that's not great for your career
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: because age and youth were all the revered things for
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: a long time. And so I really I was like, what,
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: You're a woman telling me that? How are you saying that?
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: But I knew that's what has been ingrained in our
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: society for so long. Yeah, that's been ingrained. Is that
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: our best years are behind us, and that we only
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: matter if we're having children, and we've been ingrained with
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: so many of these belief systems, and that if we
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: ask for help that we're weak and if we don't
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: suffer through it, or if you know somebody. I was
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: just at an event and a woman got up and
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: we were talking about solutions for menopause and perimenopause, and
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: she said, how bad do I have to feel before
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: I pull the trigger and take hormone therapy? And I said,
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: how bad do I have to feel?
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: What's enough pain for me to go through before I
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: decide to help myself? But that's what all of our
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: words have been in our minds.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and so especially with not a lot of education,
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: I mean, like listening. I was listening to the audible version.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: I drove from La to Sarah Cisco the other day
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: and I was just shocked and my jaw dropped to
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: the floor of my car. And literally when you said
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: that even doctors have zero education by.
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: Their own admission, by their own admissions, yeah, they're like
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: I got two weeks one month.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: And for the patient, it's kind of like, well, you know,
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: I've always thought because I you know, I don't. I
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: am not a doctor, obviously, but I got my I
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: went through my menstrual cycle at age nine, and I'm
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: still on birth control and I have been since I
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: was sixteen seventeen, and I'm sexually active. I'm on birth
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: control for other reasons. Sure, And I went into my
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: yearly checkup. I went to go see a new opigo
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: and because I moved, and when I asked her about paramedopause,
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: She's like, I can't check because you're on birth control.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what what do you mean you can't check?
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Like you need to check? Wait, what do you even
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: need to check checking?
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: What are you checking to me?
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Do I have to go inside me to check?
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: But no, Right, these are symptoms, symptoms, right, these symptoms,
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: Like you can really put your hand up and say
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: if I've got five of these symptoms, and here's what,
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: here's what perimenopause is. Perimenopause is the time before menopause.
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: That's what it is.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Right, period.
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: It's like you still have your period. In fact, as
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: a matter of.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: Fact, I haven't had mine for like ten years. But
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: that's a choice because of mammos so bad of course, But.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: I'm saying up till you know. Now, menopause is when
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: you have, you know, twelve months without your cycle. But
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: if you are dealing with I don't feel like myself anyway,
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: that those words, If you are dealing with brain fog
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: where you're in the middle of something and you stop
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: being able to understand what it is and you're reaching
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: for words. If you are the person that used to
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: sleep at night and it was amazing and now you
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: can't fall asleep or stay asleep. If you are dealing
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: with a body that is changing, and you're eating the
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: same and you're exercising, maybe even more, and you don't
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: know why, joined pain and obviously a regular periods for
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: some women, these are the symptoms of menopause. Estrogen receptors
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: are all over our body. And if you are in
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: that age range which is the average age of menopause,
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: well yeah, the average age of menopause is fifty one.
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: Back that up, so you strudgal with hormone fluctuations, that's
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: basically what that means. It could be in your thirties,
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: go right up into your forties. So if you just
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: back up the timeline and say perimenopause or the years
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: of four to seven to ten years, then it makes
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: sense that in your late thirties into your forties, yes,
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: you're most likely perimenopausal. Now the question is do you
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: have symptoms that you need to have treated. So birth
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: control obviously is you know you're not going to get
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: pregnant with birth control, and that's also another form of
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: birth control. But if you look at hormone therapy, which
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: a lot of people question, it only has a third
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: to a third to a fifth of the dose of
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: what birth control has in terms of estrogen. So I'm
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: not a doctor either, but I've learned all these facts
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: because most doctors aren't talking about these things. And that's
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: the reason I wrote the book. That's the reason I
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: did the documentary because we're going into doctors asking for help,
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: and a lot of them have not been trained and
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: it's not their fault.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: But like, I'm not going to look like until I
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: read your book, but like I'm not going to go
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: and go out of my way to find another obgn
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: Like it's not necessarily because like, yes, I have symptoms,
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: but I'm also a dancer. So do I have joint pain? Yes,
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: from pushing celebrities around the dance floor. Absolutely, from pushing
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: like football players.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that don't move that.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, of course I have arthritis, right, And then
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: as far as sweats go, like yeah, I mean whenever
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: I'm active.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: I was always that dancer that.
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: Sweats, so never smelled, but I sweat and the symptom okay, okay, okay,
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: But like, what if you're an athlete or retired athlete
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: in my case, and how do you how do you know?
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: How do you know the difference between those I mean
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: that is when you're looking at all those symptoms, and
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: some of the symptoms are the bigger symptoms that we
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: talk about. Right, it's not that enjoy pain, probably a perimenopause,
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: but I would would look at that age of where
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: you're at, but I would.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: It makes sense, It totally makes sense.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: It's just in all women. If you're lucky enough, we're
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: going to go through it. I think what we said,
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: if you're lucky enough, if you're lucky enough to live
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: that long to go through it, yeah, right, If not,
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: then you're not here. And so I think about those
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: things all women, all women, all women.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: If you're lucky enough, women, we need to stick together
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: because this is something we all have in common.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: Well, well, and I.
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: Think there are some great doctors out there that are
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: really learning that they leave. You know, they're in practice,
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: they're seeing patients every seven if seven minutes, third fifteen
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: minutes with the patient. They're grinding all the time and
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: then going their way to have to learn this now
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: because they didn't learn this in medical sus often. And
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: so I would say to somebody that has a doctor
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: that's either dismissing saying it's all part of aging, saying
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: you know, are you really suffering? Is it really that bad?
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: That's not the doctor to be going to. It is
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: finding another doctor. And there are so many great ones
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: out there. There's a lot of telehealth companies out there too,
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: that make it very very easy to jump on and
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: get an appointment, because we know that it can be
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: very difficult to leave your work, you know, put time
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: aside to go see a doctor. Go find a doctor,
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: but at least to kind of know where you are
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: with that baseline. But there's not really a blood test
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: that's going to tell you because during this time your
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: hormones are going all over the place. If you're a menopause,
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: there should be a blood test. I know, I wish
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: I wish, But you know what, it makes sense because
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: if you look at that, if you look at the chart,
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: it just goes like this. So you can do your
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: blood test here, blood test you and have so different
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: different numbers. Now, once you get into menopause, if you
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: decide you're doing estrogen and progesterone and testosterone. If you're
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: doing testosterone, which I do as well, then there's a
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: test because you want to make sure you have the
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: right amount not too much.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Now do you do this when you're also on growth control?
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: Well, that depends. I don't know about testosterone with that. Yeah, yeah,
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: that's sure. I'm a journalist, but I do think it's
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: important for you to know that, and especially if you're
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: not sleeping, If you're not sleeping, and that's a part
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: of it progesting.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Sobriety though, has really that as soon as a big time,
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: of course, I'm sure it has.
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sure it has.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: I wonder if I've always had problems sleeping. But then
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: it was because I was so drunk that I would
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: just pass out, you know.
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: And sciously and sciously yea, because because we were like just.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: I was so exhausted because I was training dancing with
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: the start like seven days a week, and then I
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: would just go out seven nights a week, allroom dancer
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: by day of course, club goer by night.
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: Girl. Yeah, I will tell you not having alcohol will
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: be so helpful of not triggering other symptoms. And it's
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: a really big deal because most women realize that they
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: just can't drink anymore. Interesting, Yeah, it is. It is,
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: just it's a very big differences of change, say asleep,
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: it's a lot of change. And and so I think
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: that what's interesting there this time is it really allows
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: you to take a bit of a beat and say, like, Okay,
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: I'm going to take care of this because this is
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: going to be around for another third to half of
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: my life and I have to really take care of
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: it the right way.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: That's the plan.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: And uh okay, So moving on to your now marriage. Yes,
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: and metopause. Yes, what was that like?
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: Well, you know, I didn't understand perimenopause when I was
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: going through it. So I was having erratic, crazy periods,
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: you know, bleeding through things left and right. No, not
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: knowing what was going on. I had a dumetrium poll up.
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: So I didn't also know that that hallmark of twelve
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: months without a period, because I would be bleeding during
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: that time. But I was dating my now husband then
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: and we were actually standing in the airport not married,
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: when I got that note in my patient portal in
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: menopause questions, and I was like, I'm in menopause, Like,
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: I don't know that any guy knows really what to
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: say with that, you know, proclamation a flight. I don't
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: know what to say about any of that. I didn't
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: know what to say, but I will say that, you know,
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: a lot of things changed and during that time, like
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: libido was my libido was like not around. It was
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: like m I A. And so the girl that like
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: he met versus the girl that you know he married,
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: it was different.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: And so you're looking through this in your second Oh sure, okay.
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: I was fifty when we got married, and so I
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: was like, Hi, here comes the menopausal bride. And that
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: was really what, you know, what was going on. And
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: so I had to learn about libido, learn about why
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: it was that because it was a little scary. I
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: was like, oh my god, I got married and now
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: I have no I mean, I don't want to have sex.
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: I don't want to think about sex. So don't come
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: near me. And so I had to understand what that,
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: you know, that was, and how communication played a role,
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: and how vaginal estrogen plays a role, and how you know,
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: painful sex is a real thing because you're you know,
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: estrogen is all over your body and your tissues are
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: getting thinner and it's painful. And so those are conversations
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: that we have to be having way earlier than fifty
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: years old. And so that's why I'm really on a
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: mission to help women take charge of their health starting
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: in their mid thirties or before that, so they know
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: what to expect and it's not scary when they they share.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: Teach us in school, because I mean we would have to.
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: They totally should.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's tart of sexual education. If there's even such
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: a thing nowadays, I don't even we would.
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: Fallow off the timeline like it once more past reproductive years.
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: We're not there anymore. And that's a real proude. That's
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: a real problem.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So as far as educating ourselves more, I guess
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: what are the first steps, because like in my case,
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: you know, is it to find someone that specializes in
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: metopause As far as the doctor.
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: Goes, I think first and foremost is to educate yourself, right,
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: It's really to educate yourself curious and being curious and
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: asking the questions and knowing that you if you are
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: a woman and you're listening to this and you're in
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: your thirties or even in your twenty I mean any woman,
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: but let's just say in your thirties, you can assume
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: that very soon, in the next ten years, you're going
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: to be in that perimenopausal period. It's not like, oh,
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: I'm forty six, but when I'm forty seven, you're going
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: to be in there, because those are the years leading
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: up to menopause. The average age of menopause is fifty one,
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: so most likely around that time, could it be fifty four? Sure,
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: could it be forty nine. My case, it was forty
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: eight years old. So understanding that, understanding what those symptoms are,
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: and then understanding you kind of have a few options.
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: You have hormonal or non hormonal solutions to them. The
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: hormonal would be hormone therapy. The non hormonal there are supplements,
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: There are lifestyle changes. There are different ways like if
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: you want to do magnesium at night to help you sleep,
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: if you want to make sure you up your protein.
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: There's all those sometimes pesterone really to help me. Progesterone
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: help me. Okay, you get the problem sleeping, then that
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: is that is one of those sure signs, like that's
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: who you should be.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: You're not my therapist ongoing, But I there's this weird.
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: Thing that I take satisfaction in staying up when everyone's sleeping.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: It's so weird.
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: That's okay, I get it. I get it. I used
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: to take a dintisfaction in getting up in the morning early,
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: and I was like, see, I have so succeeded now
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: above everybody. I'm up four hours earlier than everybody.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: I know. I don't know if I'm succeeded, but I'm like,
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, there's it's quiet, like I can.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: Actually get easily distracted. So yeah, that's just more work.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: That is like what work? You know though.
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: That's okay though, But I think educating yourself is so important.
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: And here's why you have to educate yourself, so you
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: know when you go into your doctor, whether or not
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: your doctor is educated to talk to you about this,
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: and so you know, in the book, that's what I
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: go through. I go through understanding it educates you know
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: what's going on, understanding the different symptoms. I hit the
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: thirty four kind of big symptoms of it. There can
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: be upwards of fifty to one hundred symptoms of menopause
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: because estrogen is all over our body and we start
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: to lose it during this time. That's what happens. Those
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: hormones go down, and then I think it's important to
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: know what kind of script that you need once you
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: go into a doctor's office and either find a person
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: that is educated about menopause or feels comfortable talking about it,
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: because some doctors don't even feel comfortable talking about it.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: I think also it's like what do we ask like
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: as patients? And by the way, a lot if anyone's
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: like me, which I know there are people that hate
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: doctors to even get in there, like is a big deal.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to go researching for more doctors.
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: It is. Telehealth is a good one. You know, there's
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: Mini Health, there is Alloy Health, there's Maven Health, and
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: I appreciate those because that is what they do day
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: in and day out, and so it's not that you
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: have to going and go HI. Do you guys feel
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: comfortable to your environment? Like, that is what they do.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: Show me what you know about METAPO, that's what.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: They do, and so I feel like that's that's a
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: good way to do it. And I think it's important.
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: And yes, you don't want to have to interview your doctor,
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: but at the same time, you don't want to I
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: want to go to a doctor either, So you don't
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: want to be gas lit by a doctor because that
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: just causes all other, you know, sorts of issues.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: Would it be easier to say, stick to women doctors.
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: Or you know, I found some great men practitioners too.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: I think that I have I have a a woman
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: doctor right now because she also does surgery. I have
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: in demetrian polyps, so I have to go and get
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: surgery and she wound up just being really amazing about
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: me being able to talk too easier about it. But
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: I do think men are becoming more and more part
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: of the conversation, which I'm encouraged by. And there are
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: some incredible male male doctors out there and researchers out there,
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: so I think it takes all of us. But I
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: would say that telehealth is a great option that we
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: didn't have five years ago, really like we have now.
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: I mean, it really has grown into something where I
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: feel encouraged by and excited about being able to recommend
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: an offer.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: And also, if you guys listen to your book, obviously
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: an audible, there's a PDF test that has all this information.
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I have a PDF of all the resources. And
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: I wanted to do that because I didn't want the listen.
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: The reason I wrote this book is because there was
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: no girlfriend's guide to this time in life, none what
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: to expect when you're expensing. We had you know, are
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: there God, it's me Margaret. We didn't have are you
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: there God, it's me? A menopause? So how to Menopause
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: is that book, and I wanted to make sure it
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: was easy.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: I wanted to make sure you should do something with
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: that title.
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: Oh thank you, it's it's a second book in the
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: words second podcast.
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: It was just really really important for me to give
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: women a guide to help them to make decisions. And
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: so I want that to be kind of that resource
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: that they can open up and say like, Okay, I'm
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: not having a problem sleeping, but my sex life is
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: taking a dive, so I'm turning to the sex chapter,
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: or hey, these things are going well, but mindset is
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: really difficult for me. I even have a dating chapter
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: because we're dating in perimenopause.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: We're making on the side.
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: I'm not still matchmaking on the side. To help me,
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: you can tell me what you're looking for, and I'm
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: always that's the problect.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: That you might have to look for your mind set
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: and I just have to like just look for you.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: But I'm a picky one, So.
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: Okay, answer, well, what trust me? I'm not trust me?
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: Okay, So first of all, thank you for your service,
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: because this is really helpful. It is it is beyond helpful.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: I mean even for just to spark curiosity in me.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: I don't like doctors.
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: First stop, I get me. You know, I lost my
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: mother to breast cancer. I couldn't go into a hospital
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: without feeling like I was going to pass out. I
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: couldn't go to a doctor's office without smelling that smell.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: So I really understand what you're saying. I think that
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: if I encourage any woman to do anything, it's start
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: looking at your lifestyle and back into it if that's
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: the best way to do it, and don't suffer god,
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: you know, unnecessary. Here's why, because it's not just about
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: hot flashes. It's not just about not being able to
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: sleep or a little belly fat. It's about long term
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: health ramifications. And if we don't start dealing with this now,
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: and we are going to live to seventy years old
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: or sixty five years old or whatever these ages are,
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: we are talking about protecting our bones, protecting our minds.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: I've abused my body heart so hard as a dancer.
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: Like you.
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: You say something in your book where you wrote, like,
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: whatever the way you treated yourself in the earlier years is,
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: you're going to feel it.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I've got then you know what, this is
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: going to be paidful.
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: I felt it. But it's never too late. It's never
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: too late. It's upping your you know.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: To bring your bones prote I know.
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: I did too.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: I had diet cocon friedos I loved. I love diet coked, had.
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: Snack Wells because they were fast great.
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: My stepdad's a dentist, and literally I was raised with
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: like remember those Jenny Craig TV dinners and like hot pocket,
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: everything processed.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm.
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: Crosseds, like hello, people like process, process, process. Burger King
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: was there once, Oh my goodness.
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: We didn't know no I know, gosh, but now we do.
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: Now we do.
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: Protein is the other big one.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: Protein you can't get from Burger king.
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: You can't get it from Burger Well, I mean maybe bad.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: That's some other sources for you in the books.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: So what would you say the most common questions are
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: from other women.
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that one of the big questions is
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: what you know exactly what you asked, like, am how
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: do I know I'm in perimenopause? And so in looking
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: at those symptoms, tracking those symptoms is the most important.
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: I think the next big question is also always like
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: are there really lifestyle changes that you can make? And
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: answers yes. My big focus and my big you know,
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: if I push for anything, it's like trying to focus
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: on sleep and trying to make sure you're getting that
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: because of the fact that your hormones are so erratic.
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: Chapter scared the.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: Actually, actually, as I was unpacking it was like three
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: in the morning, I was like, oh, great, great, thanks to.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: Thank I have to go talk to you.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: It's not even like you said, like every every night
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: that you lose sleep.
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: I'm like, overy my god. That chapter I had to
• 37:10
  Speaker 3: scale back. It was so long, and you know, It's
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: still the long one of Long's chapters in the book.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: Right, it was, you're talking at me, I'm even talking
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: to me, You're it was crazy.
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: It's really important, crazy, It's really important.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: Can you can you just just reiterate.
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: Sleep hygiene, getting to bed at the same time every night,
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: waking up at the same time as best you can
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: within reason, not making yourself crazy, blacking out your room,
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: making sure that you do a wind down, that you're
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: not my.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: Dog snores, I refuse to sleep.
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: Well, I know what I think. I'm that's hard for me,
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: Like that was, that was not a deal break with me.
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: I had to my dog in my bed all the time.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: I mean, I sleep with my air pods, which is
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: probably another problem.
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: That I know. I try to, like I try to
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: unwind that. But if even if you can just like
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: set the alarm and then turn it off, if you can,
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: if you can keep the blue lights out of there,
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: I mean, the the sleep hygiene part, in understanding it
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: and understanding what those different hormones do to our sleep
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: to disrupt it is so so important. So that's that's
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: one of the big ones. And then I think the
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: other thing that women ask is like is it ever
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: I'm ever gonna feel it myself again? And the answer
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: is not really. I think you're gonna feel like a
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: better version of yourself. Yeah, it feel very different on
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: the other side of this, and it's and it's it's
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: in part yes, because you've gone through the symptoms. But
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: I think the bigger part of it is that there's
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: a freedom that comes with all of this. There's a
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: freedom that comes with this lack of timelines in life
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: that we feel like we have to should have. Could
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: a I feel like we got to a place where
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: our minds are, you know, not trying to be the
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: caretakers of everybody else, and we're giving ourselves a little
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: more attention. So that would be the other question, and
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: that would definitely be my answer.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: Let's talk a little bit more about the I guess
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: the positive aspects of all this, though it may not seem.
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: Like that too.
• 38:51
  Speaker 4: I know it's always want to start note, Yeah, what, so.
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: Do you feel empowered? What type of freedom did you feel?
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: I mean not to say that because you're still going
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: through it. Yeah, right, sure, you're the rest of your life, right,
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: the second half, yeah, my life part two?
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: You know, like, yes, exactly so what is that like that.
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: Feeling, you know, I mean, you get past that hard
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: part of the symptoms, like paramenopause is really the most confusing,
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: chaotic part of the symptoms, right menopause. I felt like
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: I was a little more in control. It's like I
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: understood what was happening. My brain fog that dipped down
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: here and was debilitating at times, you know, came back
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: up so I can memoriz. I wouldn't have been able
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: to have a conversation with you. I literally would have
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: been like struggling for words like what No, Like what's
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: your book about? Yeah, so there's a chapter?
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: No literally no, literally, and.
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: I would just stop and you'd be like, help.
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: Me, was this happening when you were journalist?
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: Of course it was. It was happening. I'd see the
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: tele the teleprophy gone for that, I mean no, I'd
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: look at a word, I'd recognize the word, and then
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: some days I couldn't get it out of my mouth,
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: just randomly, not all the time, but just enough to
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: just kill my confidence.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: At a certain point, I think, like I always have
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: brain forgetting.
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: Why you go into our room forgetting? And that's why
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: a lot of women have a lot of fear. They
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: have a lot of fear hand, but but that would
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: happen constantly. So I would say that that comes out
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: on the other side where it sort of levels back
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: out to where you were pre you know, before menopause,
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: and so that's exciting. I think a lot of the
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: freedom comes with not being that caretaker anymore, even though
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: we do have a lot of with aging parents that
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: were taking care of. Many women have children they're taking
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: care of. But I do feel like we come out
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: on the other side and say like, Okay, I have
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: to put me, I have to put me first, and
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: then the lack of filter comes with it all of like,
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: you know, my lack of filter has I've always tried that,
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: but get ready for it to be even more prominent.
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: I don't even try to get ready for it to
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: be more prominent.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: I'm not even saying sorry afterwards.
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: But those are some real gifts. Those are yours, and
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: we see women do incredible things, and so I get
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: excited about this time in life versus fearful that my
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: best years are are.
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but also like why, you know, we all evolve,
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: whether you like it or not. We're human and we
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: are evolving every second of the every day, and so
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: to say that when am I going to feel like
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: myself regardless?
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: Like regardless? I mean, why would you want to?
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: I could not agree more. I could not agree more.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: Thank you for your work.
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: This has been such an amazing conversation. I've learned so
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: much from Tamson. Seriously, this is something that you know
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: is needed, especially in the world of just metopause. We
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: need to be educated. Be sure to grab her new
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: book How to Metopause out right now. Listeners, we want
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: to hear from you, so call us or email us,
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: follow us on socials. All the information will be in
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: the show notes. Make sure to rate and review the podcast.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: I do part two in iHeartRadio podcast, where falling in
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: love is the main objective.