Latest / Man In Your Corner with Shaun Tucker / Ep. 51 | Building Unshakable Self-Belief: A Founder Dad’s Guide to Mental Fitness & Leadership
Transcript
- Shaun: Welcome back to the reset episode 51 with me, Sean Tucker. What does it mean to actually believe in yourself? Against all odds, what does it really mean to believe in yourself? This is a really great question. So I'm going to take you on a journey today because I actually don't know the answer. And I don't think anyone really does know the answer to this. And if they do, they're probably lying to you. in my experience and probably in yours too. There comes a time where you are tested beyond what you think your capacity is, what you think your capabilities are. And in those moments where you've been tested, you know, maybe it's in a workout where you didn't think you could go heavier, right? Or you still had three more reps to do and your coach was saying, come on, you can do it. What does it take in those moments for you to really believe that you're capable? Because self-belief isn't something you have. It's something that you earn. And it's not to say that you need evidence to make it happen. No. It's taking action regardless if there's evidence or not. So when someone cheers you on or when someone says you got this, you can do it. Sometimes that external belief in you can really help frame the situation for you to believe that you can do it. Because what we get out of life, what we get out of whatever it is that we are doing, it's often that our beliefs are the things that get in the way. So let's say, for example, there are of course things that, you know, are outside of your control. But when it comes to the human experience, let's just say you say that you're really terrible at remembering names. I'm really bad at remembering people's names. So what happens when you go to a party or you go to a networking event and you meet someone and they say their name is Paul and they do this. Then you meet someone else and you say, I can't remember that person's name. I'm really bad at remembering people's names. And you're meeting other people and there's like three or four people that you've met. And for the life of you, you can't remember their name. Because you've instructed yourself to believe, I can't remember people's names, or I'm not very good at remembering people's names. if you flip the script. and say, well, maybe I'm not the best, but I'm getting better at remembering people's names. Or maybe you can instruct the code in your mind to be like, I'm becoming world-class at remembering people's names. Having that little script, that little shift in your belief means that now you are more receptive and open to actually progressing and getting better at learning people's names and being able to remember people's names. It's like saying, I'm really bad at mathematics. No, you're not. You just got stuck at one of the problems. And when it came down to the pressure of being able to solve it, in that moment, you couldn't solve it. You took that as a... as a judgment or as a evidence that you suck at mathematics. When an actual fact, it's not true. It's only one small little piece of evidence that suggests you didn't handle the pressure well and you couldn't figure out the problem. Or you couldn't figure out the solution to the problem. Does that mean you're bad at something? You know, I think we as human beings have a condition or a precondition that we're always pointing out the faults. always seeing the stuff that we did poorly, the stuff that we did incorrectly. And this is so important to note because if we're focusing on the negative, if we're focusing on the failures, we're going to get more of them. We're going to notice more and more and more of them are going to pop up into our awareness and our reality. And this is where I think positive psychology or positive thinking kind of is, is good, but at the same time gets a lot of bad reputation because you can't just flip a belief out of nowhere without stacking the neurology, the pattern, the behavior, the thought loop. because it actually takes a while to rewire that condition. If you think you are the worst at remembering people's names, you have to win consistently over a pretty long period of time and celebrate those little milestones of progressing to becoming world class. because that's the journey, is you're becoming world class. You're not world class already. And it's quite funny when you think of... I suppose the people who are really good at one specific skill set. Do you think they started out saying I am the best at this? I wouldn't think so. because learning when it's done in a way that makes it feel like you are winning, that it makes it feel like... you are remaining curious, it's fun, it's engaging. Those experiences allow you to grow the skill set and the skill that make you better in that area. And some are very hard skills, like let's say for example your sprint performance. Right, if you wanna knock off a few milliseconds from your 100 meter sprint. then it's a matter of looking at that from ⁓ a very far goal because if you are already world class and you're trying to knock off a few milliseconds from your time. or who knows how long it's going to take. I'm sure if you look at the statistics and people who are well versed in that, they'll be able to tell you. But when it comes down to crunch time, there's still a lot of work to do. And if you keep on reinforcing the idea that that's as far as we're going to get, you know, if you lose your growth mindset in the pursuit of your goal, you're never ever going to get close to it. And so I think a lot of people... Because they have these preconditions, they have these mindsets that they're not even aware of. When it comes down to self-belief, you really need to be mindful of celebrating the wins and the little milestones that it takes to get where you're going. So do I believe in myself 100 % of the time? I'd be lying if I said yes, because the kryptonite to self-belief is self-doubt. The thing that will destroy your self-belief is you doubting yourself. And that's probably one of my biggest shadows, I would say. Because I don't know where we're going. I don't know if I'm really that good. Because there's always more room to grow. But I think when you come into that moment of being able to appreciate. Just how challenging, just how difficult, just how much tension there is right now. then that's where you can grow. That's where you can look back and realize how far you've come. because if someone's saying you can do one more rep and you don't believe it, you're probably going to stop. But if you know you've got one more rep to do and you think you can do it or you don't know if you can do it but you do it anyway, that's where self-belief is earned. Because you're looking at connecting all of these little progress steps, all these little wins, all these little milestones. And if you don't celebrate them, they'll just fall away and your focus will go back to the negative. Will go back to the things you can't control. We'll go back to all of the times that you weren't good enough. We'll go back to all those times that you continue to doubt yourself. Can I really pull this off? That's why I love looking at what is possible when it comes to the human experience and hearing those inspirational stories. Like if you've seen Run on Netflix by Mr. Ned from Sydney. He runs from Perth to Sydney. and he does it in 48 days. His goal was to do it in 40 days. It's a 4,000 kilometer trek. You think you didn't face all the trials and tribulations? If you haven't watched the documentary, I highly recommend it. It just shows you what is possible when you put your mind to something and you overcome yourself. If you really believe you can do it, go and do it. But don't just talk about it, you have to take action. and you can't quit early, you gotta keep on going. Because remember, it's never been easier to quit. People are so out of what, people are so out of integrity with what they say and what they do. So if you really care about holding yourself and holding your standards and you accountable to what you say and what you do. This is what it's about. This is what I try and live my life by. I try and do my best by being my best and showing up my best by aligning what I say and what I do. So if you have found this episode helpful, want you to share it with one person today. If you haven't found it helpful, tell me. I want to know. Thank you so much for tuning in, I appreciate you and I look forward to seeing you in tomorrow's episode.