Latest / Judgement Call / AM I CRAZY, OR IS HE CHEATING?

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AM I CRAZY, OR IS HE CHEATING? · Judgement Call

0:00
SPEAKER_01: She's seen it all from the bench.
0:02
SPEAKER_01: He's helped couples through it all.
0:05
SPEAKER_01: Now they're making the call on the internet's biggest relationship debates.
0:10
SPEAKER_01: Real relationships, real reactions, real talk.
0:14
SPEAKER_01: This is Judgment Call.
0:19
SPEAKER_07: Judge, I got a question for you.
0:20
SPEAKER_07: Okay.
0:21
SPEAKER_07: How many times did somebody come to divorce court and the main issue was cheating?
0:27
SPEAKER_08: How many times did somebody come to divorce court and issues wasn't cheating?
0:30
SPEAKER_08: That would be easier to get to.
0:32
SPEAKER_08: Cheating was a huge issue.
0:34
SPEAKER_08: And the interesting thing is when you have a cheating circumstance, the the ones being cheated on often didn't leave.
0:41
SPEAKER_08: And I had this one one young lady who uh would date a guy, track him and trail him because he was cheating.
0:50
SPEAKER_08: She would catch him and leave him, then get another guy, track him and trail him because he was cheating.
0:54
SPEAKER_08: She's a private investigator.
0:55
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, private investigator.
0:56
SPEAKER_08: She would catch him and he would keep cheating.
0:58
SPEAKER_08: And I kept saying, Well, what are you, what are you doing?
1:01
SPEAKER_08: Why are you keep doing the same thing, expecting different results?
1:05
SPEAKER_08: And she really couldn't answer me.
1:07
SPEAKER_08: And I think that she pursued the kind of guys she liked.
1:13
SPEAKER_08: And the kind of guys she liked didn't like to be faithful.
1:17
SPEAKER_08: And you you can't date hope.
1:20
SPEAKER_08: Right.
1:20
SPEAKER_08: You have to date who's there.
1:22
SPEAKER_08: Right.
1:22
SPEAKER_08: And she didn't even have hope because she truly believed that all men cheated, but you know, and she couldn't figure out why she kept doing it over and over and over again.
1:32
SPEAKER_07: She was stuck in the cycle.
1:33
SPEAKER_08: Stuck in the cycle.
1:34
SPEAKER_07: Stuck in the loop.
1:35
SPEAKER_07: You ever notice how no matter how hard they try, some people seem to date the same person over and over and over again.
1:43
SPEAKER_07: And over again.
1:43
SPEAKER_07: I think it's got to do with the love story we have, right?
1:46
SPEAKER_07: We our our world or our beliefs pushed out.
1:49
SPEAKER_07: Nowhere is that more true than with our stories about love.
1:52
SPEAKER_07: Right.
1:52
SPEAKER_07: A lot of those we inherited from our folks, from our friends, from our family, but your brain wants your beliefs to come true.
2:00
SPEAKER_07: So if your love story is, hey man, dating is fun, and it's just a game, and I'm out here playing it, then you're gonna have a good time.
2:06
SPEAKER_07: And the universe is gonna send you some folks to have fun with.
2:08
SPEAKER_07: But if your love story is all men are dogs, they're gonna cheat eventually, then all you're gonna find are guys who help that love story come true for you.
2:16
SPEAKER_08: And I what I used to, I always tell women who are saying that all guys are dogging me out, all guys are cheating.
2:21
SPEAKER_08: I said, learn to date against type.
2:23
SPEAKER_08: Uh-huh.
2:23
SPEAKER_08: Because the type you pick are the type that you don't like.
2:27
SPEAKER_08: So just because someone doesn't interest you initially, maybe you should give him a chance because he's different than the type you usually pick, and the type you usually pick don't give you the results you're looking for.
2:38
SPEAKER_07: So easy said than done, it's so hard to do.
2:40
SPEAKER_08: It is.
2:41
SPEAKER_07: It is so hard to do.
2:43
SPEAKER_02: Judgment call.
2:46
SPEAKER_00: Why did it?
2:47
SPEAKER_00: I finally told my husband the baby that we're pregnant with might not be his.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: And if you wanted to know his reaction, he's not here right now because of how how bad it went.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: For those wondering, because I know you are, I did get his entire reaction and this whole experience on video recorded, but I don't know if I should post it due to how bad it went.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: I'm actually at a loss for words just to like a little bit shaky right now because of how bad the experience went.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: Like I did not expect it to go as bad as it did, but at the same time, I told you that I would release this video and show you guys his reaction.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: So you know what?
3:22
SPEAKER_00: It's my life, it's my channel.
3:23
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna post it anyway.
3:24
SPEAKER_00: It's not like he'll know anyway.
3:25
SPEAKER_00: He doesn't even have social media, so she didn't struggle with that very long.
3:30
SPEAKER_00: Very long at all.
3:31
SPEAKER_08: And it's just like, oh, I'm told that I'm pregnant with another man's baby.
3:34
SPEAKER_08: I'm really upbeat about it.
3:36
SPEAKER_08: Uh, he didn't take it well, and I'm still upbeat about it.
3:40
SPEAKER_08: And I'm going to post it even though it was horrible, because it's my channel, and I'm upbeat about it.
3:48
SPEAKER_07: You know, what we call, we call that incongruence.
3:52
SPEAKER_07: Right.
3:52
SPEAKER_07: Right?
3:52
SPEAKER_07: The con the affect does not match the content at all.
3:57
SPEAKER_08: Not at all.
3:58
SPEAKER_08: It's the most serious thing she could have done, and she's laughing and grinning and smiling.
4:04
SPEAKER_07: And you know, there's there's a world where that's a world weird psychological reaction called opposite reaction.
4:10
SPEAKER_07: You're having a tough conversation or a tough time.
4:12
SPEAKER_07: You start giggling.
4:13
SPEAKER_07: And you start giggling about it because your brain isn't ready to deal with the reality of it just yet.
4:17
SPEAKER_07: So there's that.
4:18
SPEAKER_07: Now, look, in relationships, there's such a thing as a hard conversation, then there's some gut-wrenching conversations.
4:23
SPEAKER_08: That's gut-wrenching.
4:24
SPEAKER_07: That's gut-wrenching, right?
4:26
SPEAKER_07: Because there's a lot of guys out there right now who are taking care of children in their home who are not theirs and they do not know about it.
4:34
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
4:34
SPEAKER_08: And that's what I why put it on video?
4:38
SPEAKER_08: You know what I mean?
4:39
SPEAKER_08: Your man's lowest moment and you're gonna put it on video.
4:43
unknown: Right.
4:43
SPEAKER_08: How much sense does that make if you're trying to make the relationship at all viable?
4:49
SPEAKER_07: If I'm a content creator, it makes a lot of sense because I'm gonna get some clicks.
4:52
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
4:52
SPEAKER_07: Right.
4:53
SPEAKER_07: And so what's a priority for me?
4:54
SPEAKER_07: Is the is the relationship the priority, or is me being popular creating content the bigger priority?
5:00
SPEAKER_07: And when whatever else comes, what may.
5:02
SPEAKER_08: So I'm laughing and smiling about the views, even though the way I got the views.
5:06
SPEAKER_08: Right.
5:07
SPEAKER_08: Or it was a difficult, gut-wrenching conversation with my husband where I told him this baby I'm carrying might not be his.
5:14
SPEAKER_07: That's tough.
5:14
SPEAKER_07: I mean, that's one of the that's a when it comes to what we fear the most about each other, right?
5:20
SPEAKER_07: Uh you know, men and women.
5:22
SPEAKER_07: A woman's biggest fear about a man, and you saw this probably a ton more than I have on divorce court, a woman's biggest fear about a man is he might hurt me and he could kill me.
5:31
SPEAKER_07: Right.
5:32
SPEAKER_07: Right?
5:33
SPEAKER_07: A guy's biggest fear about a woman is she might embarrass me.
5:36
SPEAKER_07: Belittle me.
5:37
SPEAKER_07: She may belittle me, she may shame me, and that would kill me.
5:41
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
5:42
SPEAKER_07: And this is the moment you choose to put on video where you shame him to the point where the baby I'm carrying is not yours, and I don't really seem all that upset about it.
5:50
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, not really a problem for me.
5:52
SPEAKER_08: Right.
5:52
SPEAKER_08: You know, why are you so distraught?
5:54
SPEAKER_07: Now, I was so curious about her reaction here or her non-reaction here, I had to do a little research.
6:02
SPEAKER_08: And what did you find?
6:03
SPEAKER_07: I followed her down the rabbit hole, okay?
6:05
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
6:05
SPEAKER_07: So, as it turns out, she has been suspecting him for quite some time now of cheating with another guy.
6:15
unknown: Oh.
6:15
SPEAKER_07: She has video evidence to support that cheating.
6:18
unknown: Oh.
6:19
SPEAKER_07: Uh-huh.
6:19
SPEAKER_07: So that could that could explain a thing or two.
6:24
SPEAKER_08: A thing or two.
6:25
SPEAKER_07: A thing or two.
6:26
SPEAKER_07: I saw them in a video together, him and her, and I thought they were sisters.
6:33
SPEAKER_07: Because they look alike.
6:35
SPEAKER_07: He has a very effeminate presentation.
6:38
SPEAKER_07: Okay.
6:39
SPEAKER_07: And so I think, again, that may also explain some of the disconnects.
6:44
SPEAKER_07: Disconnect here and some of the disconnect.
6:46
SPEAKER_07: So they got some stuff going on.
6:49
SPEAKER_07: Uh, long story short, that ain't his baby.
6:54
SPEAKER_08: Are they still together?
6:56
SPEAKER_07: I think they are.
6:57
SPEAKER_07: I don't know.
6:58
SPEAKER_07: I don't know.
6:58
SPEAKER_07: But uh, this is the latest update that we have here.
7:01
SPEAKER_07: Uh, so I don't know as the story unfolds, you know what I mean?
7:05
SPEAKER_07: I don't know.
7:05
SPEAKER_07: We'll have to tune in tomorrow, same bat time, same bat channel.
7:09
SPEAKER_07: They're still together.
7:10
SPEAKER_07: But there's a lot to unpack there with them.
7:13
SPEAKER_08: The judgment call, she's just all off.
7:14
SPEAKER_08: Judgment calls just from the beginning to the end.
7:17
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, that's off, man.
7:18
SPEAKER_07: Judgment calls there's a way to have conversations and deliver tough news, and that ain't it.
7:22
SPEAKER_08: That ain't it.
7:23
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
7:25
SPEAKER_02: Judgment call.
7:27
SPEAKER_06: These are the perks of having two girlfriends.
7:30
SPEAKER_06: Can we go get sushi?
7:32
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, let's go.
7:33
SPEAKER_06: We got the door for you.
7:34
SPEAKER_03: Thank you very much.
7:37
SPEAKER_06: I'll take your shoes.
7:39
SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
7:39
SPEAKER_03: I do not like driving with shoes on.
7:41
SPEAKER_06: Let me put your seatbelt on.
7:43
SPEAKER_03: Thank you very much.
7:45
SPEAKER_06: Let me turn the car for you.
7:48
SPEAKER_03: Piece of steak, please.
7:49
SPEAKER_06: Of course.
7:52
SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
7:53
SPEAKER_03: Piece of sushi now?
7:54
SPEAKER_09: Yeah.
7:58
SPEAKER_03: You guys ready?
7:59
SPEAKER_06: Yes.
8:00
SPEAKER_06: You buy me this.
8:01
SPEAKER_06: We need to see one.
8:02
SPEAKER_06: We can just share one.
8:03
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, we can share.
8:04
SPEAKER_03: You guys got your drinks yet?
8:06
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, we're just gonna share.
8:07
SPEAKER_03: My friends are gonna be here in five minutes.
8:08
SPEAKER_03: Do you guys think you can handle cleaning up the house in the kitchen?
8:11
SPEAKER_06: Of course.
8:11
SPEAKER_06: We'll get it done.
8:22
SPEAKER_03: Wow, you guys did really good and really fast too.
8:25
SPEAKER_06: Thank you.
8:25
SPEAKER_06: That's what happens when you have two girlfriends.
8:30
SPEAKER_07: I I am going to be quiet now.
8:36
SPEAKER_08: I don't believe them.
8:38
unknown: Yeah.
8:38
SPEAKER_08: I just don't believe them.
8:40
SPEAKER_07: Why's that?
8:41
SPEAKER_08: It's too manufactured, I think.
8:43
SPEAKER_08: I think that these two girls they're making a really cute video.
8:47
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
8:48
SPEAKER_08: With probably a really well, he was cute too.
8:50
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, yeah, he's good looking dude.
8:51
SPEAKER_08: Good-looking dude, two good looking women making good looking videos together.
8:55
SPEAKER_08: Uh, because two women in the same kitchen, it usually don't turn out like that.
9:00
SPEAKER_08: That's usually one too many.
9:02
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
9:02
SPEAKER_08: You know?
9:02
SPEAKER_08: It usually doesn't turn like out like that at all.
9:04
SPEAKER_08: And we'll share a dress.
9:06
SPEAKER_08: I don't know.
9:07
SPEAKER_08: I don't know.
9:08
SPEAKER_08: He got any sisters or anything.
9:10
SPEAKER_08: I got five.
9:11
SPEAKER_08: You had five.
9:11
SPEAKER_08: Does that sound like something that would happen?
9:13
SPEAKER_07: Not in a day, not a day in their lives.
9:15
SPEAKER_07: No.
9:17
SPEAKER_08: Now this was his his fantasy.
9:19
SPEAKER_08: Someone wrote him and said, listen, yeah, do a little little brief film on your fantasy situation.
9:26
SPEAKER_08: And that's what he came up with.
9:27
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, yeah.
9:28
SPEAKER_07: Well, but the the fantasy situation is a very real thing, right?
9:34
SPEAKER_07: What we call polyamory now.
9:36
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, right.
9:36
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
9:37
SPEAKER_07: So technically, this is what this is what they would be, they would classify as consensual non-monogamy.
9:43
SPEAKER_07: Monogamy.
9:44
SPEAKER_07: Right?
9:44
SPEAKER_07: Now, my my mom used to say, son, everything ain't for everybody.
9:49
unknown: Right.
9:50
SPEAKER_07: And this is one of those things.
9:52
SPEAKER_07: For some folks, it works great because it's you and me and me and whoever.
9:57
SPEAKER_07: And we all know about each other.
9:59
SPEAKER_07: We don't have to lie about it.
10:01
SPEAKER_07: And we're we're fully disclosing everything that comes in.
10:04
SPEAKER_07: And that can be between me and several others.
10:06
SPEAKER_07: It can be couples who are in that same group.
10:08
SPEAKER_07: It can be a group of folks, and the group is together, and anybody outside that group has to get permission to kind of come into the group.
10:16
SPEAKER_07: For some folks, it can work well, but for a lot of us, that's just not.
10:20
SPEAKER_08: It doesn't work out right.
10:21
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, yeah.
10:22
SPEAKER_08: Remember Cody Brown?
10:24
SPEAKER_08: Do you oh you probably not dip to that?
10:26
SPEAKER_08: He's a he's a polygamist.
10:28
SPEAKER_08: And he and he got his fourth wife and lost his first three because he paid too much attention to the fourth wife and not the first three.
10:37
SPEAKER_08: I mean, I don't think it's a, you know, it's doable.
10:40
SPEAKER_07: It's like fossil fuel.
10:42
SPEAKER_07: It's not sustainable.
10:43
SPEAKER_07: That's what it is.
10:44
SPEAKER_07: There you go.
10:44
SPEAKER_07: There you go.
10:45
SPEAKER_07: Because what happens, what what like with Tony Brown's same thing usually happens here is at some point you're gonna have somebody in that group who the two of them are gonna start to spend a little bit of time together, they're gonna split off, right?
10:57
SPEAKER_07: There's gonna be some point, they're gonna meet somebody who just wants me.
11:02
SPEAKER_07: Right?
11:02
SPEAKER_07: And we're human, and that feels great when we find that.
11:06
SPEAKER_07: Somebody who thinks I'm as special as I was hoping I was, and they don't want to share me with anybody else.
11:12
SPEAKER_07: Right.
11:12
SPEAKER_07: And that's when the polyamory situation starts to unravel.
11:16
SPEAKER_07: Not that it was a bad situation to begin with, but if people are given the honest choice, they usually tend to choose the person who wants to choose me and only me.
11:25
SPEAKER_07: Right.
11:26
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
11:26
SPEAKER_08: Right.
11:27
SPEAKER_08: So what is your judgment call on this?
11:29
SPEAKER_07: Um, judgment call is great video, good looking people, super entertaining, but I don't know if that's sustainable.
11:36
SPEAKER_07: And it really walks right up to the line of starting to demean the role of women in the yeah, it walked right up to that line.
11:43
SPEAKER_08: Right, it walked right up to that line, didn't it?
11:45
SPEAKER_08: Put its little nose on the window, looked in there, and say, you know, we're almost there.
11:52
SPEAKER_08: We're almost there, but not quite.
11:54
SPEAKER_07: Right.
11:54
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
11:55
unknown: Yeah.
11:55
SPEAKER_08: I'm with you on that one.
11:56
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, judgment call for true love, man.
11:58
SPEAKER_07: You know, uh believe that it's rewrite your love story to believe that it's possible for you and see what shows up.
12:04
SPEAKER_07: See what happens.
12:05
unknown: Yep.
12:06
SPEAKER_02: Judgment call.
12:09
SPEAKER_04: Holy shit, this is difficult.
12:12
SPEAKER_04: I've been with my wife for about 10 years, and we have two kids.
12:18
SPEAKER_04: For all these years, we have no real emotions between us.
12:22
SPEAKER_04: We'll have sex every now and then, but never holding hands, cuddling, laying next to each other, or saying sweet things to each other.
12:33
SPEAKER_04: I try to show affection, and it's met with annoyance or indifference.
12:38
SPEAKER_04: I met a single woman who I connected with, and our relationship grew naturally and strong.
12:45
SPEAKER_04: All these things I was missing were there.
12:48
SPEAKER_04: It was strictly communication, never physical contact.
12:53
SPEAKER_04: We would text throughout the day and over a hundred messages back and forth daily.
12:58
SPEAKER_04: I never realized how lonely.
13:00
SPEAKER_07: Did you say over a hundred messages per day?
13:03
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, over a hundred messages back and forth every day.
13:07
SPEAKER_04: I never realized how lonely I was in my marriage until this other person.
13:13
SPEAKER_04: I regret telling her I didn't want to leave my family due to kids.
13:18
SPEAKER_04: I didn't expect her to wait for me to figure my shit out.
13:21
SPEAKER_04: But when she told me she had found someone else, the reality of my situation really set in.
13:28
SPEAKER_04: I'm so angry at myself now for not leaving.
13:32
SPEAKER_04: I'm sad all day long, hoping for her messages.
13:36
SPEAKER_04: I know if I message her, she would be more than willing to talk, but I'm trying to avoid that.
13:43
SPEAKER_04: Anyway, this is where I just came to vent.
13:46
SPEAKER_04: I know there's nothing I can do.
13:48
SPEAKER_08: You know, it's interesting.
13:49
SPEAKER_08: No, that is that that breaks your heart.
13:52
SPEAKER_08: That breaks your heart.
13:53
SPEAKER_08: But what if he had put some of that hundred text a day energy into the relationship that he was in as opposed to to his wife?
14:00
SPEAKER_07: Oh, well, just that's crazy talk now.
14:04
SPEAKER_08: If he'd put some of that energy into having that conversation with her about, I don't feel like my emotional needs are getting met, instead of just wandering off.
14:14
unknown: Right.
14:14
SPEAKER_08: And now that you have wandered off and that person has wandered off on you, you know, maybe you need to wander back home with the same kind of uh attention and the and the and the same game face you had on for the girl who walked off on you.
14:28
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, you know, it's the interesting thing about couples.
14:30
SPEAKER_07: When we get into trouble or we drift apart, it always seems easier to look for what's missing outside of the relationship than work on the thing you have here.
14:40
SPEAKER_07: Right.
14:40
SPEAKER_07: You know, all people always think the grass is greener on the other side.
14:43
SPEAKER_07: No, the grass is greener where they water it.
14:46
SPEAKER_07: Right, exactly.
14:47
SPEAKER_08: Exactly.
14:48
SPEAKER_07: And so it's it's again, people have this hesitancy about having a hard conversation.
14:53
SPEAKER_07: Right.
14:53
SPEAKER_07: No intimacy for 10 years is a long time.
14:56
SPEAKER_07: It's a long time.
14:56
SPEAKER_07: It sounds like he really craved it, missed it, you know?
15:00
SPEAKER_07: Right.
15:00
SPEAKER_07: So I wonder what got in the way.
15:02
SPEAKER_07: Two kids, so there was a point in time where we were doing it.
15:06
SPEAKER_08: But even when you have two kids, there's time to do it if you make the time to do it, you know.
15:10
SPEAKER_08: So uh 10 years is a long time without intimacy.
15:14
SPEAKER_08: But how much of that energy, you know what I mean?
15:17
SPEAKER_08: When you start to lose the intimacy, do you just trail off or do you turn around, re-engage, and redouble your efforts?
15:23
SPEAKER_08: That's right.
15:24
SPEAKER_08: You know what I mean?
15:25
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, yeah.
15:26
SPEAKER_07: So I wonder there's another side to this story that we don't have.
15:29
SPEAKER_08: We don't have.
15:30
SPEAKER_07: And I would love to know what her side of the story is, because there's a reason if your man reaches out that you recoil.
15:37
SPEAKER_07: Right.
15:38
SPEAKER_07: There's a reason there, right?
15:39
SPEAKER_07: There's some history there, and I would love to get that backstory.
15:42
SPEAKER_08: Love to get both sides of a story, don't we?
15:43
SPEAKER_08: Right.
15:44
SPEAKER_08: We just love it when two people have one issue and we can hear them both, both sides.
15:48
SPEAKER_07: That's right.
15:49
SPEAKER_07: Because now we can help make it make sense, you know, for everybody.
15:53
SPEAKER_07: So what what he's having, what he's describing is an affair.
15:56
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, right?
15:56
SPEAKER_07: It's a secret relationship.
15:58
SPEAKER_07: It's not a cheat.
15:59
SPEAKER_07: A cheat is a thing, it's a cheat is more physical, it's more satisfaction, pleasure in the moment.
16:03
SPEAKER_07: Maybe it means something, maybe it doesn't, but an affair means something.
16:06
SPEAKER_08: Something, yes.
16:07
SPEAKER_08: You're emotionally invested in this other person.
16:10
SPEAKER_08: Right.
16:10
SPEAKER_08: And you're not uh available to another person in a romantic sort of way because you've already invested uh in this place.
16:18
SPEAKER_07: That's right.
16:19
SPEAKER_07: And on the other side of that affair being found out, you're usually sad about it because you lost somebody you really cared about.
16:26
SPEAKER_07: And he's describing that, you know?
16:28
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, so it's uh it's it's super interesting.
16:31
SPEAKER_07: Uh they gotta have some conversations now.
16:33
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, because you can't do another 10 years like that.
16:35
SPEAKER_08: No, can't do it.
16:36
SPEAKER_08: I can't do it.
16:38
SPEAKER_08: Oh, that's yeah, that's hard to be heartbreaking.
16:41
SPEAKER_07: And everybody deserves to have the love the way they want it.
16:43
SPEAKER_07: So again, I wonder what's when I see couples come in like that, my question is what's getting in the way?
16:48
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
16:48
SPEAKER_07: And sometimes they know immediately, and sometimes they gotta work towards it, but something's getting in the way.
16:53
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, and they're gonna have to work towards that because it's been 10 years.
16:55
SPEAKER_07: It's been 10 years.
16:57
SPEAKER_07: And you've got two kids in the house, and you're modeling for them what it looks like to be in a loveless relationship.
17:03
SPEAKER_07: So, how is that fair?
17:04
SPEAKER_08: So your judgment call on this one is I mean judgment call for following your heart.
17:13
SPEAKER_07: Judgment call for actually owning up to the thing that was missing.
17:17
SPEAKER_07: You know what I mean?
17:19
SPEAKER_07: But you can't do it the way you did it, right?
17:21
SPEAKER_07: Right, right.
17:22
SPEAKER_07: Right.
17:22
SPEAKER_07: Water the grass at home and let's see if it turns out.
17:25
SPEAKER_08: There you go.
17:25
SPEAKER_08: That's what it is.
17:26
SPEAKER_07: You know?
17:27
SPEAKER_08: Water the grass at home.
17:28
SPEAKER_08: Let's see.
17:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
17:29
SPEAKER_07: Grass likes water.
17:32
SPEAKER_02: Judgment call.
17:36
SPEAKER_05: Hi.
17:37
SPEAKER_05: If your husband's name is Marcus Reed, and he is from East Texas, and he has been working up in Ohio as a data center mechanical flusher for the last five months.
17:49
SPEAKER_05: It's very specific.
17:50
SPEAKER_05: He got back today, August 6th.
17:53
SPEAKER_05: He has been cheating on you.
17:55
SPEAKER_05: Um, we have been together for the last two months, talking every day, all day long, hanging out, seeing each other.
18:03
SPEAKER_05: Um before he left, like a couple days ago, he said that he didn't know if this was going to work out because he was scared of the long-term commitment that comes with long-distance relationships.
18:16
SPEAKER_05: And the day he got home, which is today, August 6th, he uploads a picture of you guys together.
18:22
SPEAKER_05: And I don't know if you are his fiance, I don't know if you guys are actually married.
18:26
SPEAKER_05: All I know is you have a big beautiful ring on your finger, and you don't deserve the treatment that he is giving to you, and he gave to me.
18:37
SPEAKER_05: And I can tell you now, nobody deserves to go through that.
18:42
SPEAKER_05: Nobody deserves to feel this way, and I know you're going to feel awful, and I'm sorry.
18:48
SPEAKER_05: I really hope this video finds you.
18:51
SPEAKER_05: I need TikTok to do your thing.
18:53
SPEAKER_05: I don't want this girl knowing that her fiance, husband, whatever, is cheating on her while he's going out on these jobs out of Texas.
19:02
SPEAKER_05: I have no idea what your name is, honey, but all I have is this picture here.
19:07
SPEAKER_05: And that is the only picture I could find.
19:10
SPEAKER_05: I've been trying to dig for the last four hours since I found out.
19:13
SPEAKER_05: And I have been crying for the last four hours.
19:15
SPEAKER_05: Mostly on your behalf because you deserve better.
19:19
SPEAKER_05: I deserved better.
19:20
SPEAKER_05: I will be posting either tomorrow or the days to come with misinformation.
19:26
SPEAKER_05: I know one of my friends is going to post on my behalf because I can't do it because I'm a mess.
19:30
SPEAKER_05: Tough message to give.
19:31
SPEAKER_05: If you could kindly reach out to me, that would be lovely.
19:34
SPEAKER_07: And tough message to give.
19:37
SPEAKER_07: First question.
19:40
SPEAKER_07: Do we think she was right to give it?
19:42
SPEAKER_08: See, I'm not sure that she is.
19:44
SPEAKER_08: I mean, I I don't know.
19:46
SPEAKER_08: She doesn't have any other way to contact this other woman, and she doesn't know what that other woman's relationship is, and she's trying to give her a heads up.
19:53
SPEAKER_09: Yeah.
19:53
SPEAKER_08: Uh so if they were in the same neighborhood, they could, but it's a long-distance thing.
19:57
SPEAKER_08: But then again, you don't know what condition she's in.
20:00
SPEAKER_08: You don't know where she is, you don't know what she's doing, you don't know what the relationship she is with her man and what everybody said everybody could or could not do.
20:07
SPEAKER_08: You know, I don't know how many lies, real clear lies he told her.
20:12
SPEAKER_08: Right.
20:12
SPEAKER_08: And how's like many.
20:14
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, it sounds like many.
20:16
SPEAKER_08: But um, it's such an extreme thing to do.
20:20
SPEAKER_08: It is.
20:21
SPEAKER_08: Uh, but in this day and age where this is how you find people, right?
20:26
SPEAKER_08: I guess we ought not be surprised.
20:28
SPEAKER_09: Right, right.
20:29
SPEAKER_08: If we are a little alarmed.
20:31
SPEAKER_07: Well, it takes a victim to make a victim, uh, and she feels like she was violated.
20:35
SPEAKER_07: Right.
20:36
SPEAKER_07: And so now she is furthering that violation in a certain way by letting this other lady know.
20:43
SPEAKER_07: I it's interesting.
20:45
SPEAKER_07: Half the folks who watch that are gonna absolutely be on her side.
20:49
SPEAKER_07: And half the folks are not, right?
20:51
SPEAKER_08: And half of me is on her side and half of me is not.
20:54
SPEAKER_07: Have you ever noticed how we've got this thing?
20:57
SPEAKER_07: Because half of the folks watching this are gonna absolutely blame her.
21:00
SPEAKER_07: Well, you should have known he was in a relationship.
21:02
SPEAKER_07: Well, you should have, right?
21:03
SPEAKER_07: It's it's your fault and now you're a homewrecker, right?
21:06
SPEAKER_07: Have you ever noticed how we always in a relationship dynamic, we have a tendency to blame the outsider and never the one who broke the vows.
21:16
SPEAKER_07: Right.
21:16
unknown: Right.
21:16
SPEAKER_07: What is that about?
21:18
SPEAKER_08: I don't know.
21:18
SPEAKER_08: I I really don't know.
21:19
SPEAKER_08: It's easier, easier target.
21:21
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, it's not somebody you're looking to maintain.
21:24
SPEAKER_09: Yeah.
21:24
SPEAKER_08: Uh so I just my question is, should she have made a national call to this woman to tell to tell her that her husband is cheating on her?
21:36
SPEAKER_08: I I don't I can't parse that out.
21:40
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, listen, discretion is the better part of valor, but uh there was really no way to be discreet about this.
21:46
SPEAKER_07: I and I think in in her haste to kind of dishes, right?
21:52
SPEAKER_07: To unburden herself, you know what I mean?
21:54
SPEAKER_07: I think this is the best thing she could come up with.
21:56
SPEAKER_07: And she's a young lady, and so this is this is her.
22:00
SPEAKER_07: This is the way she communicates with the world.
22:02
SPEAKER_07: So I get going there.
22:03
SPEAKER_07: You know, part of me, part of me is cheering for her.
22:07
SPEAKER_07: Part of me is like, yeah, right.
22:09
SPEAKER_07: You you were wronged and you don't want this to continue.
22:12
SPEAKER_07: So if we're taking what she's saying here at face value, hey, then then I'm cheerleading that.
22:17
SPEAKER_07: I think, man, it sure does seem there was a better way to do it.
22:22
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, I wish there was a better way to do it because I do cheerleader her because she was definitely not going to entertain him when she found out she had somebody, he had somebody.
22:30
SPEAKER_08: Right.
22:30
SPEAKER_08: And you have to respect that.
22:32
SPEAKER_08: And even though it hurt her, she wants to help out the other woman.
22:35
SPEAKER_08: So you got to give her a props for that.
22:38
SPEAKER_08: And not quite getting it right on how to do it.
22:42
SPEAKER_08: I can tell I couldn't have told her how to do it in a more appropriate way.
22:45
SPEAKER_07: No, nope, I really couldn't.
22:46
SPEAKER_07: I really couldn't.
22:47
SPEAKER_07: And uh, can we talk a minute about the smugness of the game he was running on her, right?
22:52
SPEAKER_07: So I got, I got, I got my lady at home.
22:55
SPEAKER_07: She's got a ring.
22:56
SPEAKER_07: I don't know how long she's been wearing it, but you know what I'm really concerned about?
23:01
SPEAKER_07: I like you, I really do.
23:02
SPEAKER_07: I but the distance.
23:04
SPEAKER_07: The long distance and the distance.
23:05
SPEAKER_07: I don't know if I can do the distance.
23:07
SPEAKER_07: That's that's my biggest hang up.
23:09
SPEAKER_07: The nervousness, the smugness of this guy, the audacity.
23:13
SPEAKER_07: I mean, come on.
23:14
SPEAKER_08: That is that yeah, that's a lot.
23:16
SPEAKER_08: That's a lot.
23:18
SPEAKER_08: So, judgment call.
23:20
SPEAKER_08: You know what?
23:21
SPEAKER_08: For her, I'm I think she did the best she could in a bad situation.
23:25
SPEAKER_07: I hate, I hate to see folks with genuine heartbreak.
23:28
SPEAKER_07: I feel that that heartbreak is genuine.
23:30
SPEAKER_07: I think her intentions were such.
23:32
SPEAKER_07: I don't I don't see the sinister intent there.
23:35
SPEAKER_07: No.
23:36
SPEAKER_07: Uh, I see her attempting to circle the wagons around the sisterhood.
23:40
SPEAKER_07: Right.
23:41
SPEAKER_07: It's like, hey girl, I don't know if you know or not, but this happened to me and looks like it's your dude.
23:46
SPEAKER_07: So you might want to know about that.
23:47
SPEAKER_07: You know what I mean?
23:48
SPEAKER_07: She's not telling her what to do.
23:49
SPEAKER_07: She's not making a call to action to him at all.
23:52
SPEAKER_07: Right.
23:52
SPEAKER_07: She's like, for your information.
23:54
SPEAKER_07: This is what your man has been doing.
23:56
SPEAKER_07: This is what he does for a living.
23:57
SPEAKER_07: If that's your guy, that's some information for you.
24:01
SPEAKER_07: Judgment call for information.
24:07
SPEAKER_02: Judgment call.
24:10
SPEAKER_04: My wife stayed out till 5 a.m.
24:13
SPEAKER_04: Uh oh.
24:13
SPEAKER_04: Am I the asshole for thinking she's cheating?
24:16
SPEAKER_04: My wife and I have been having a lot of fights lately.
24:20
SPEAKER_04: I work overnight, and during my shift, she says she's going out with some of her coworkers to drink.
24:27
SPEAKER_04: They're celebrating one of the guys transferring to another place.
24:32
SPEAKER_04: What's weird is that my wife runs the store he's transferring from.
24:38
SPEAKER_04: They ended up going to a bar and having drinks.
24:41
SPEAKER_04: She's with another woman and two guys.
24:45
SPEAKER_04: But the woman and one of the guys are married.
24:50
SPEAKER_04: So the other guy is single and he's the one transferring to another store.
24:55
SPEAKER_04: That winds down at about 2 a.m.
24:57
SPEAKER_04: And she texts me that they're all leaving together to go to the single guy's house.
25:04
SPEAKER_04: I said, okay, let me know when you leave.
25:08
SPEAKER_04: She never texted me until 5:30 a.m.
25:13
SPEAKER_04: She said, I'm home.
25:16
SPEAKER_04: I was worried.
25:18
SPEAKER_04: Come to find out, she was blacked out all night, throwing up, and came home at a time I do not feel a married woman should be coming home.
25:27
SPEAKER_04: I get home from work and my son had an engagement that we were both committed to beforehand.
25:33
SPEAKER_04: I get her up after her getting a few hours of sleep.
25:37
SPEAKER_04: I did not sleep.
25:39
SPEAKER_04: She was in the best mood.
25:41
SPEAKER_04: She was joking, trying to play with me in ways she never does, all smiles, very happy.
25:48
SPEAKER_04: It makes me suspicious.
25:50
SPEAKER_04: I don't know if I should be, though.
25:53
SPEAKER_04: My wife does not go out a ton.
25:55
SPEAKER_04: She is also never this happy and full of laughter.
25:59
SPEAKER_04: I'm hoping I'm just being an asshole.
26:03
SPEAKER_04: I want some other opinions on the matter.
26:06
SPEAKER_04: Am I overreacting and potentially being an asshole if I feel like something does not sit right with me about the situation?
26:14
SPEAKER_08: If something doesn't sit right with you, it doesn't sit right with you.
26:18
SPEAKER_08: And something doesn't sit right with you for a reason.
26:20
SPEAKER_07: For a reason.
26:21
SPEAKER_08: And you need to, and you need to talk to her about that.
26:25
SPEAKER_08: Because even if nothing untoward occurred, it was already too tacky to be okay.
26:33
SPEAKER_08: You know, if everything just everything I heard with no more, that's not how you conduct business as a married woman.
26:40
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
26:40
SPEAKER_08: It's just not what you do.
26:41
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, I had an aunt who used to say, boy, ain't nothing open after 2 a.m.
26:45
SPEAKER_07: but legs.
26:48
SPEAKER_07: Listen, in any official investigation, Your Honor, Your Honor, before we proceed with this trial, right?
26:56
SPEAKER_07: We need the witness to account for the hours of between 2 a.m.
27:00
SPEAKER_07: and 5:30 a.m.
27:02
SPEAKER_07: I need a detailed accounting of what went on, and then we will proceed.
27:06
SPEAKER_07: I he's got some gaps to fill in here.
27:08
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, a lot of gaps to fill in.
27:10
SPEAKER_07: I here's here's what's suspicious.
27:15
SPEAKER_07: It could have been a totally normal thing.
27:17
SPEAKER_07: Hey, it couldn't, it didn't necessarily have to be a double date, even though it looked like a double date to most people who were watching.
27:24
SPEAKER_07: Right.
27:24
SPEAKER_07: Right?
27:25
SPEAKER_07: The fact that her mood, after being so terribly hung over, uh having she tore one on until 5:30, but then her mood the next day was not what you would expect from someone who tore one on the night before.
27:39
SPEAKER_07: It looked like she was she was jovial, she was gleeful.
27:43
SPEAKER_07: Dare I say it, it sounds like she was glowing.
27:48
SPEAKER_07: We wonder what happened there.
27:50
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, yeah.
27:51
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
27:53
SPEAKER_08: So, I mean, clearly he's not the asshole.
27:55
SPEAKER_07: He's not the asshole.
27:56
SPEAKER_08: I mean, judgment call on that is in his favor all day long.
27:59
SPEAKER_08: She's got some explaining to do, as uh they used to say.
28:03
SPEAKER_07: She's got some explaining to do.
28:04
SPEAKER_07: As, okay, you're married for three decades.
28:07
SPEAKER_07: How do you have that conversation with your partner?
28:10
SPEAKER_07: Hey, there's a there's some behavior that's happening that I don't think is consistent with the behavior that I want from my partner.
28:17
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
28:17
SPEAKER_07: Right?
28:18
SPEAKER_07: What how do you have that conversation?
28:20
SPEAKER_08: Hey, about Thursday night, I didn't like that.
28:22
unknown: Yeah.
28:23
SPEAKER_08: And and then let me tell you why.
28:24
SPEAKER_08: So I'm not trying to start nothing, but look, I didn't like that.
28:28
SPEAKER_09: Yeah.
28:28
SPEAKER_08: And then ask for the explanation and tell them why you didn't like it, because even if nothing, nothing sexual occurred, it still was inappropriate.
28:36
SPEAKER_08: Right.
28:36
SPEAKER_07: It was a boundary violation.
28:38
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
28:38
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
28:38
SPEAKER_08: And for her to be out to 5 30 in the morning, he don't know where she is, all of that kind of stuff and what she's doing.
28:44
SPEAKER_08: And she put herself in a position to be vulnerable.
28:47
SPEAKER_09: Right.
28:47
SPEAKER_08: You know, not that it makes it her fault if something bad happens to her, not at all.
28:53
SPEAKER_08: Right.
28:54
SPEAKER_08: But uh, she owed her husband more than that.
28:57
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, you know, um the restraint he showed in not going there and accusing her of this, that, and the third, I gotta applaud him for that.
29:06
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, absolutely.
29:07
SPEAKER_07: Sounds like he was a concerned husband.
29:08
SPEAKER_07: He was like, hey man, I just I wanna I'm gonna make sure you're okay.
29:10
SPEAKER_07: Right.
29:11
SPEAKER_07: And then when I got home and saw you were okay, boy, your behavior showed me.
29:17
SPEAKER_08: Let me let me let's try to figure that out.
29:19
SPEAKER_07: Right, right.
29:20
SPEAKER_07: I think uh we've gotten so far away from trusting our gut, right?
29:24
SPEAKER_07: We were all born with this internal navigation system that that guides us home.
29:28
SPEAKER_07: Right.
29:28
SPEAKER_07: Think about it.
29:29
SPEAKER_07: You've got an intelligence that tells your heart when to beat automatically.
29:33
SPEAKER_07: Right.
29:34
SPEAKER_07: You've got an intelligence that tells your lungs when to expand and contract and breathe that lung in automatically.
29:38
SPEAKER_07: You have to think about it all.
29:39
SPEAKER_07: You don't have to think about it all because it's important.
29:42
SPEAKER_07: Why would you think that same creative intelligence doesn't guide your life?
29:47
SPEAKER_07: Right?
29:47
SPEAKER_07: Right.
29:48
SPEAKER_07: It's trying to guide you home.
29:49
SPEAKER_07: Just listen to it.
29:50
SPEAKER_07: Listen to the gut.
29:51
SPEAKER_07: Just listen to it.
29:52
SPEAKER_07: Let it let it do what it was sent here with you to do.
29:55
SPEAKER_08: You know?
29:56
SPEAKER_08: Absolutely.
29:57
SPEAKER_08: So clearly, judgment called, not the asshole.
30:00
SPEAKER_08: Concerned husband.
30:01
SPEAKER_08: Concerned husband.
30:02
SPEAKER_07: What do we what do we call that in court?
30:03
SPEAKER_07: Well, we got some gaps in time.
30:05
SPEAKER_07: We do we need to do some more discovery?
30:06
SPEAKER_07: What do y'all do?
30:07
SPEAKER_08: We need to do more discovery.
30:09
SPEAKER_08: Absolutely.
30:09
SPEAKER_08: We don't have enough information to make a judgment.
30:13
SPEAKER_04: Well, we actually do have an update.
30:16
SPEAKER_08: Oh, well, we got our discovery done.
30:19
SPEAKER_08: What's what did you discover?
30:21
SPEAKER_04: I talked with her last night.
30:23
SPEAKER_04: She said she was still drunk when I got her up.
30:27
SPEAKER_04: She agreed that the communication was lacking.
30:30
SPEAKER_04: She did not get defensive and listened to what I had to say.
30:35
SPEAKER_04: I told her that if she wants to go out till 5:30 a.m., that is what single women do.
30:41
SPEAKER_04: She seemed to understand that it's not acceptable behavior.
30:46
SPEAKER_04: I feel a bit more at ease.
30:49
SPEAKER_08: He had the difficult conversation.
30:51
SPEAKER_08: Hard conversation.
30:52
SPEAKER_07: He had a hard conversation.
30:54
SPEAKER_08: Absolutely.
30:54
SPEAKER_08: Good for him.
30:55
SPEAKER_07: He did exactly what you said.
30:56
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
30:57
SPEAKER_07: Hey, about that night, didn't sit well with me.
31:00
SPEAKER_07: And she was receptive to it.
31:02
SPEAKER_08: And not defensive.
31:03
SPEAKER_07: Check that out.
31:03
SPEAKER_07: Check that out.
31:04
SPEAKER_07: I feel much better for them now.
31:06
SPEAKER_07: Me too.
31:06
SPEAKER_07: Much better.
31:07
SPEAKER_07: Much, much better.
31:08
SPEAKER_07: And if she woke up still loopy, that explains the in the morning.
31:13
SPEAKER_07: In the morning.
31:14
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, it does.
31:14
SPEAKER_08: It does.
31:15
SPEAKER_07: Okay.
31:15
SPEAKER_07: I love, I love that.
31:16
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
31:17
SPEAKER_07: Just judgment call for proper humaning.
31:20
SPEAKER_07: You know what I mean?
31:21
SPEAKER_07: Had a hard conversation.
31:23
SPEAKER_08: So, what did we learn today?
31:25
SPEAKER_07: Well, uh, we learned there are many levels in the immortal words of the port laureate, Meek Mills.
31:32
SPEAKER_07: There are levels to this.
31:35
SPEAKER_07: Okay.
31:36
SPEAKER_07: There are levels to betrayal, levels to miscommunication, levels to cheating, right?
31:42
SPEAKER_07: And it's it's hard to navigate.
31:44
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, difficult to navigate, uh, but always communicate because that's the only way you're gonna get where you're going.
31:51
SPEAKER_08: You can't have navigation without instruction.
31:53
SPEAKER_08: You can't have instruction without conversation.
31:55
SPEAKER_07: I love that.
31:56
SPEAKER_07: Love that.
31:57
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
31:58
SPEAKER_07: And, you know, for all the folks out there who have dealt with something like this, you know, you know these numbers as well as I do.
32:04
SPEAKER_07: 65% of couples get past a cheat.
32:06
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, right?
32:07
SPEAKER_07: And so it doesn't have to be this death nail for your relationship.
32:11
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, you can actually communicate your way through that.
32:13
SPEAKER_08: And you can decide what your relationship does.
32:15
SPEAKER_08: Don't let your relationship decide what you do.
32:18
SPEAKER_08: You know what I mean?
32:20
SPEAKER_07: Love that.
32:21
SPEAKER_07: Until next time.
32:22
SPEAKER_07: Until next time.
32:23
SPEAKER_07: Listen, if you guys out there have some stories, did they, didn't they?
32:28
SPEAKER_07: There's some doubt.
32:29
SPEAKER_07: We want to hear about this, right?
32:31
SPEAKER_07: Uh, and we want to get both sides so we can make a proper judgment.
32:35
SPEAKER_07: Absolutely.
32:36
SPEAKER_07: But you know, drop us a line, go to judgment.call.podcast on IG and let us know your story.
32:42
SPEAKER_07: We want to hear about you, and there's a chance we might bring you guys on so we can really get to the heart of the matter for you.
32:49
SPEAKER_07: That's what we'd like.
32:50
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
32:51
SPEAKER_01: She's seen it all from the bench.
32:54
SPEAKER_01: He's helped couples through it all.
32:56
SPEAKER_01: Now they're making the call on the internet's biggest relationship debates.
33:01
SPEAKER_01: Real relationships, real reactions, real talk.
33:06
SPEAKER_01: This is Judgment Call.