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Giving A Voice To The Unheard with Trinity Lease · The Trauma Therapist

0:00
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Trauma Trips podcast. My name is Go Macpherson.
0:04
Speaker 1: I interview incredible people who dedicated their lives to helping
0:07
Speaker 1: those who've been impacted by trauma. Here we go, so
0:12
Speaker 1: five four, three, two and one, our folks, welcome back
0:16
Speaker 1: to the podcast. I'm very excited to as my guest today.
0:19
Speaker 1: Trinity Leased Trinity, Welcome, Hi.
0:22
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for the opportunity.
0:25
Speaker 1: Awesome. So. Trinity is a memoir author from rural Minnesota
0:29
Speaker 1: whose writing is rooted in raw truth, resilience, and healing.
0:34
Speaker 1: Her debut book, Beneath the Silence explores her personal journey
0:37
Speaker 1: through chrial to trauma, addiction, and the long road to recovery.
0:41
Speaker 1: Trinity is a proud wife, mom to two amazing little
0:44
Speaker 1: boys and caretaker to three beloved for her babies. When
0:47
Speaker 1: she's not writing, she's working to her a bachelor's degree
0:50
Speaker 1: in social work with plants to become a licensed alcohol
0:52
Speaker 1: and drug counselor. Through her story, Trinity helps to give
0:56
Speaker 1: a voice to the unheard and inspire others to rise
0:59
Speaker 1: above the pas. Love that bio, super inspiring, short, succinct, awesome,
1:05
Speaker 1: Well done. Trinity, Welcome again. Before we go and share
1:09
Speaker 1: with the listeners where you're from originally and where you
1:12
Speaker 1: are currently.
1:13
Speaker 2: Yeah.
1:14
Speaker 3: So originally I am from the Detroit Lakes, Minnesota area.
1:19
Speaker 3: I kind of hopped around like all the towns near it.
1:23
Speaker 3: But currently I reside in Hendrum, Minnesota, and that's about
1:27
Speaker 3: halfway between Grand Forks, North Dakota and Fargo, North Dakota.
1:33
Speaker 2: So I'm kind of a little bit more rural than
1:35
Speaker 2: I used to be. But it's a nice town.
1:38
Speaker 3: It is a very low population, more safety for my children,
1:43
Speaker 3: and just a really nice community.
1:45
Speaker 1: Awesome, all right, so let's continue it here. How did
1:50
Speaker 1: all this start for you?
1:53
Speaker 2: So?
1:53
Speaker 3: I did not grow up having the best childhood, obviously,
1:58
Speaker 3: you know, I dealt with a lot of childhood trauma
2:00
Speaker 3: into my young adulthood where I started my drug addiction.
2:04
Speaker 3: I have been in recovery since twenty eighteen from ivy use,
2:09
Speaker 3: so that's a pretty big thing. I just hit seven
2:10
Speaker 3: years in May, and most of my family unfortunately has
2:16
Speaker 3: some form of addiction in some way, shape or form,
2:19
Speaker 3: and they a lot of them didn't make it out
2:22
Speaker 3: like I did. And so just seeing other people struggle
2:26
Speaker 3: and not have the support that I did just really
2:29
Speaker 3: gave me a passion to want to go out in
2:32
Speaker 3: the community and to want to provide the advocacy and
2:35
Speaker 3: the support. So I started working in mental health in
2:40
Speaker 3: twenty twenty one, I believe. I worked at a psychiat
2:43
Speaker 3: or a psychiatric board in Fargo, North Dakota, and so
2:48
Speaker 3: I was still pretty young. I was like nineteen, so
2:51
Speaker 3: I was very fresh in my recovery and then I
2:55
Speaker 3: kind of just took off from there. I got my
2:57
Speaker 3: associates in criminal justice, and I'm currently my bachelor's social work.
3:01
Speaker 2: I'm a housing case manager right now.
3:04
Speaker 3: So it really just gives me a nice, diverse population
3:07
Speaker 3: to work with that actually wants my help and needs
3:11
Speaker 3: my help. Because recovery is possible, you know, sometimes we
3:16
Speaker 3: just need a little extra support in different areas.
3:21
Speaker 1: So going back little, I mean, you talked about your
3:24
Speaker 1: childhood being tense, fraught with trauma. You can use that expression.
3:35
Speaker 1: How did you manage as a young kid? What and
3:39
Speaker 1: I manage? How did you deal with that?
3:44
Speaker 2: It was really hard.
3:46
Speaker 3: So my one of my biggest chapters in my book
3:49
Speaker 3: is called The Weight of Survival, and that is centered
3:51
Speaker 3: around my stepdad.
3:54
Speaker 2: He passed the weight.
3:57
Speaker 1: The weight okay, yeah.
3:59
Speaker 3: And so in my book, I changed everybody's name, so
4:04
Speaker 3: I will refer to him as Calvin. He died in
4:07
Speaker 3: twenty sixteen from cancer, and to sound bluntly, it was
4:12
Speaker 3: probably the best thing. It saved my life, because not
4:16
Speaker 3: only did I endure a lot of verbal and emotional abuse,
4:20
Speaker 3: there's a lot of physical abuse. Because he was the
4:24
Speaker 3: biological dad of my three younger siblings, who was not
4:27
Speaker 3: my dad, and so because I was not his child,
4:31
Speaker 3: I was essentially a target. And my mom worked two jobs,
4:35
Speaker 3: so she was almost never around, so basically when she
4:38
Speaker 3: was at work, it was all on me, things thrown
4:41
Speaker 3: at me, name calling. I remember I was twelve years old,
4:45
Speaker 3: completely flat chested as a board, you know, pre puberty,
4:49
Speaker 3: and I was the biggest lunt ever for putting on
4:52
Speaker 3: my first bikini and I had not even have been
4:55
Speaker 3: close to being sexually active at that point. I have
4:59
Speaker 3: struggled with depression a lot. I used to self harm
5:04
Speaker 3: very often, so I have lots and lots of scars.
5:07
Speaker 3: I do have a forearm sleeve that covers a good
5:11
Speaker 3: section of them, and so honestly, I just tried to
5:14
Speaker 3: survive through the day because I also had four younger
5:17
Speaker 3: siblings that I had to make sure, say safe, So
5:19
Speaker 3: I took the blunt end so they didn't.
5:25
Speaker 1: And excuse me during this, how old are we talking?
5:33
Speaker 3: They started dating and got married very shortly after they
5:37
Speaker 3: started dating.
5:39
Speaker 2: I believe I was five.
5:40
Speaker 3: So it was eleven years of all of this until
5:45
Speaker 3: he died abruptly in twenty sixteen.
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Speaker 1: Wow, okay, so you're at twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen? This
5:53
Speaker 1: is going on? Are you? Does anyone know? Does your
6:01
Speaker 1: mom know? Oh?
6:03
Speaker 2: My mom was very aware.
6:05
Speaker 3: They used to fight a lot about it, a lot
6:08
Speaker 3: of stop targeting my daughter, and then he would be
6:10
Speaker 3: chill for like a little bit, try to kiss them,
6:13
Speaker 3: but be nice. And then as because he was also
6:17
Speaker 3: a drug user, so he heavily used meth and drank
6:20
Speaker 3: if he didn't have meth, and so when he would drink,
6:23
Speaker 3: he would get me. If he was using meth, he
6:26
Speaker 3: would just hide and leave people alone.
6:28
Speaker 2: But the second he was out, I'll bet her off.
6:32
Speaker 2: So my mom was aware.
6:34
Speaker 3: But also she had two other baby daddies like my
6:39
Speaker 3: biological dad, My sister had a different dad and then him.
6:43
Speaker 3: He was the dad to the three younger kids. She
6:45
Speaker 3: did not She refused to be a single mother again,
6:48
Speaker 3: and she refused to go through another marriage.
6:51
Speaker 2: So it was too bad for you.
6:55
Speaker 3: You know, I'm not going to be a single mom
6:58
Speaker 3: and You're just gonna have to deal with it.
7:00
Speaker 2: Unfortunately.
7:04
Speaker 1: When did drug you start for you?
7:08
Speaker 3: I started experimenting with weed and pills when I was
7:13
Speaker 3: probably thirteen. Pills were a really big problem for me.
7:19
Speaker 3: That was my drug of choice, opiy. It's for a
7:21
Speaker 3: while there, just because I could get them, and it
7:26
Speaker 3: really my drug nition skyrocketed when he was sick because
7:30
Speaker 3: eventually he couldn't orally take his pain medications and he
7:34
Speaker 3: was unconscious, so there was bottles and bottles of morphine
7:38
Speaker 3: and OxyS and he couldn't take them. So I would
7:43
Speaker 3: just go in his room because he wasn't conscious, and
7:46
Speaker 3: I would take them. And I would start taking, you know,
7:48
Speaker 3: just a couple so no one noticed. Then it was
7:51
Speaker 3: bottles after bottles after bottles.
7:54
Speaker 2: And then.
7:57
Speaker 3: This was around fifteen sixteen at that time that it
8:02
Speaker 3: really kind of just like took off, right, Yeah.
8:06
Speaker 1: No were and whenever your friends aware of what was
8:11
Speaker 1: going on, We'll talk a little bit about that.
8:14
Speaker 3: I was kind of very closed off just because it
8:18
Speaker 3: was more embarrassing too. I really didn't like bringing people
8:23
Speaker 3: to my house because he didn't care if I had
8:25
Speaker 3: friends over, like he was going to act how he
8:27
Speaker 3: was going to act, And so it was just quite
8:30
Speaker 3: embarrassing to try to rush my friends out the door
8:34
Speaker 3: or just be like, no, you can't sleep over because
8:37
Speaker 3: you know, my stepdad might throw something at me and
8:40
Speaker 3: you might get hit with it because you're standing next
8:42
Speaker 3: to me.
8:44
Speaker 2: So I was very.
8:45
Speaker 3: Limited on friends. I usually hung out with other adults,
8:50
Speaker 3: So I when I was sixteen, I was probably hanging
8:52
Speaker 3: out with like twenty eight year olds who was supplying
8:55
Speaker 3: me the drugs in the marijuana, and so that was
8:59
Speaker 3: my say. I would go to their house and we
9:02
Speaker 3: would just hang out and party, and that was kind
9:06
Speaker 3: of just my little bit of peace.
9:10
Speaker 1: When did and how did you start thinking about help?
9:17
Speaker 1: And what did that look like? Did you ever think
9:20
Speaker 1: of I mean, were you thinking at all like, oh
9:24
Speaker 1: my god, I need to get some kind of help,
9:25
Speaker 1: I need to get some therapy or what if will.
9:30
Speaker 3: When I started using meth, I was in therapy as
9:34
Speaker 3: a sixteen year old, and this is I dropped out
9:37
Speaker 3: my senior year, my originally scheduled senior year. I would
9:41
Speaker 3: call myself in as my mom, Oh she has an appointment.
9:45
Speaker 3: Oh she's not feeling good, you know, just because I
9:48
Speaker 3: was so joke sick that I couldn't go to school.
9:51
Speaker 3: And I, I guess what you could call a responsible crackhead.
9:55
Speaker 2: I didn't drive while I was high.
9:57
Speaker 3: I didn't go in places that were unsafe while I
9:59
Speaker 3: was using dr I was very secluded and I would
10:03
Speaker 3: only used drugs with people who I know would keep
10:06
Speaker 3: me safe. And so it kind of I dropped out
10:11
Speaker 3: and then I moved with my boyfriend and we were
10:15
Speaker 3: homeless for a while, and we were still using drugs
10:17
Speaker 3: at that time. And then eventually it just kind of
10:24
Speaker 3: the high got sick, Like I just kind of got
10:26
Speaker 3: over it, Like I was like, this isn't fun anymore.
10:29
Speaker 2: Like I still.
10:32
Speaker 3: I stopped using it a couple months before I turned eighteen,
10:39
Speaker 3: because May eleventh, twenty eighteen, was the last time that
10:41
Speaker 3: I used MATH and I turned eighteen to Lie of
10:45
Speaker 3: twenty eighteen.
10:47
Speaker 1: And as you said, it was just you were just
10:49
Speaker 1: getting tired of it.
10:50
Speaker 3: Sick of it, yeah, because the paranoia, it gets so intense,
10:55
Speaker 3: Like we were in an apartment and looking out the
10:58
Speaker 3: blinds three locks down. I would think someone's looking through
11:02
Speaker 3: the apartment window when I know it wasn't physically possible
11:04
Speaker 3: for someone to see that far, or like sounds and
11:08
Speaker 3: people like pinging into your phone, or and then just
11:13
Speaker 3: being around. We kind of got into some dangerous situations
11:16
Speaker 3: with like a bigger drug dealer where we had to
11:20
Speaker 3: call the police, and so just all of the factors.
11:23
Speaker 3: I was like, I feel like I need to be sober.
11:27
Speaker 3: I think we need to get sober, and so me
11:30
Speaker 3: and my now husband got sober together.
11:32
Speaker 2: It definitely was a process.
11:34
Speaker 3: We tried cold turkey, but you know, relapses happen, so
11:39
Speaker 3: it ebbs and flows, but it kind of just we
11:44
Speaker 3: were just kind of over it, honestly.
11:48
Speaker 1: And was there a point at which you like went
11:51
Speaker 1: into rehab.
11:54
Speaker 4: Uh?
11:54
Speaker 3: No, I didn't because I was still a minor and
11:58
Speaker 3: my mom was very unaware of my drug use up
12:02
Speaker 3: until I was way sober.
12:05
Speaker 2: Like my mom knew that I had used.
12:07
Speaker 3: Meth a few times because she drug tested me and
12:10
Speaker 3: then I got grounded and all that stuff, but she
12:12
Speaker 3: was not aware to the.
12:15
Speaker 2: Amounts of.
12:19
Speaker 4: It.
12:20
Speaker 3: She's kind of thought I did it once and then whatever.
12:23
Speaker 3: And as an adult. You know, I disclosed to her,
12:26
Speaker 3: and obviously she read my book and had a lot
12:28
Speaker 3: of questions, so she was not aware.
12:32
Speaker 2: And I felt like if I asked to.
12:34
Speaker 3: Go to rehab, it would have been a bigger issue
12:38
Speaker 3: because we weren't big on talking about feelings, So even
12:41
Speaker 3: just to go to therapy as a teenager was a fight.
12:44
Speaker 3: And so if I would have said I need to
12:45
Speaker 3: go to treatment, she probably would have said something of oh,
12:49
Speaker 3: you're not an addict or oh you're fine, it'll be
12:52
Speaker 3: fine type of thing. And so honestly, it was more
12:55
Speaker 3: of just a power struggle internally. But I knew deep
13:00
Speaker 3: down that I didn't want to be like my stepdad,
13:02
Speaker 3: and if I kept going on the road that I
13:04
Speaker 3: was on, that's my where, that's my where I had
13:08
Speaker 3: ended up to be.
13:10
Speaker 1: Let me just remind everyone speaking with Trinity Lease, her
13:13
Speaker 1: book is called Beneath the Silence. So Trinity talk to
13:16
Speaker 1: us about the genesis of the book. How did you
13:20
Speaker 1: get to a point where you're like, I want to
13:23
Speaker 1: or I need to or have to write this book.
13:27
Speaker 3: So actually I was in my very first social work
13:30
Speaker 3: class of my bachelor's last fall, I believe, and I
13:35
Speaker 3: would write a lot of my papers based on my
13:38
Speaker 3: experiences just because you know, it would really link to it.
13:42
Speaker 3: And I had this professor who was absolutely amazing. She
13:46
Speaker 3: would directly email me every time that I submitted something,
13:50
Speaker 3: and she would just be like, oh my gosh, I
13:52
Speaker 3: can't believe that this happened to you. I can't believe
13:54
Speaker 3: that you've accomplished all these things. You should write about it.
13:58
Speaker 3: And I'm like, what I want to do that? That's weird,
14:01
Speaker 3: that's crazy, no way. And then she just was very
14:04
Speaker 3: persistent and just kept like praising me and showing her
14:08
Speaker 3: appreciation to me. And I was like, you know what,
14:11
Speaker 3: maybe I should think about it. And then so you know,
14:13
Speaker 3: I kind of pondered on it for a while. And
14:16
Speaker 3: then you know, I worked really hard in twenty twenty
14:19
Speaker 3: four in therapy to be able to overcome these events
14:23
Speaker 3: and not have like a PTS new panic attack. And so,
14:26
Speaker 3: you know, once I got to a spot in my
14:28
Speaker 3: life where I wasn't having meltdowns thinking about them, I
14:31
Speaker 3: was like, I could I probably could write a book.
14:34
Speaker 3: Maybe I'll try it.
14:35
Speaker 1: And then, you know, before this had you done any writing.
14:41
Speaker 3: I did, like English class writings, you know, and stuff
14:44
Speaker 3: like that, but not anything like as a hobby.
14:48
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, so wow, so so cool. You've got this
14:52
Speaker 1: champion who's in your corner, who's like, go girl, you
14:56
Speaker 1: can do this. How do things on? So say you're like,
15:01
Speaker 1: all right, I'm gonna do this, and and what did
15:03
Speaker 1: you want to say?
15:07
Speaker 2: So?
15:07
Speaker 3: I really wanted to be very raw, because being an
15:12
Speaker 3: addict and being a survivor, you can't sugarcoat things.
15:16
Speaker 2: That does not do nothing for nobody.
15:18
Speaker 3: And so what I did was I kind of just pondered,
15:21
Speaker 3: and I would write a list, like a one sentence
15:24
Speaker 3: description of an event so I can like match it up.
15:27
Speaker 3: So I wrote out a bunch of things, mostly like
15:29
Speaker 3: the bigger events that had occurred, and then you know,
15:33
Speaker 3: I would look in photo albums to try and freshen
15:36
Speaker 3: my memory, and like court files, like the Minnesota court
15:40
Speaker 3: records you can look up because there was like a
15:42
Speaker 3: domestic violence that's in my book and stuff like that.
15:44
Speaker 3: So I looked at court records and statements, and then
15:47
Speaker 3: like I followed up with my mom clarifying some things,
15:50
Speaker 3: my sisters, you know, just some things like that to
15:54
Speaker 3: kind of freshen it, because like, yes, it's burned into
15:57
Speaker 3: my brain. But it has been so long from some
16:02
Speaker 3: of those events that I just wanted to be as
16:05
Speaker 3: accurate as I absolutely could. And then so once I
16:09
Speaker 3: got through that point, then I kind of tried to
16:12
Speaker 3: date them. So my sub chapters have years, and so
16:15
Speaker 3: I tried to date them the best I could. Okay,
16:18
Speaker 3: if I was eight years old, that would have been
16:19
Speaker 3: in this year, or if I was you know, that
16:22
Speaker 3: kind of stuff. And then once I did that, I
16:25
Speaker 3: sectioned it by person. So like my very first chapter
16:30
Speaker 3: is about my biological dad, my second chapter is about
16:34
Speaker 3: my stepdad, my third chapter is about a kind of
16:39
Speaker 3: overall of like boyfriends or like miscellaneous men. There's a
16:46
Speaker 3: very small sub chapter about my sister in law, and
16:49
Speaker 3: then the last chapter is about my actual current husband.
16:55
Speaker 1: So me pause you for a second. So you said
16:58
Speaker 1: you wanted to you wanted to do this in a
17:03
Speaker 1: raw way. You want to lay it all out in
17:05
Speaker 1: a raw way. But overarching, what did you want the
17:10
Speaker 1: purpose of the book to be?
17:13
Speaker 3: So the purpose to me, and even as I'm like
17:17
Speaker 3: doing appearances and speaking events, is I want to give
17:20
Speaker 3: other people a voice, Like I want people to read
17:24
Speaker 3: my story be able to relate to it and go, oh,
17:28
Speaker 3: if she went through all of these things and she
17:32
Speaker 3: can get to hear, maybe I can clean up and
17:36
Speaker 3: get an apartment, like that's a goal. Or I can
17:40
Speaker 3: get the job. I really want that job and I
17:42
Speaker 3: really want that degree. I can get sober and I
17:45
Speaker 3: can do that. Or I lived a life of trauma
17:48
Speaker 3: and I want to have kids and I'm not going
17:50
Speaker 3: to give those kids that life.
17:51
Speaker 2: Like just that it's.
17:53
Speaker 3: Possible, because you know, just looking at me, Like even
17:57
Speaker 3: my new clients I have at my job, I tell
18:00
Speaker 3: them upfront that I'm a recovering addict and They're like, what, no,
18:04
Speaker 3: you're not, And I'm.
18:05
Speaker 2: Like, ah, yeah, I am.
18:07
Speaker 3: You know, just because I look professional, you know, I
18:11
Speaker 3: have a degree, doesn't mean that I didn't live the life.
18:16
Speaker 3: So kind of just gives a different perspective when people
18:20
Speaker 3: in the life are looking at people who aren't in
18:22
Speaker 3: the life.
18:23
Speaker 4: How Trinity, I think you're amazing and I really appreciate
18:29
Speaker 4: you being on this podcast and sharing your life and
18:34
Speaker 4: your experience.
18:39
Speaker 1: How did you get to this point? And I realized
18:41
Speaker 1: it's not simple and there's no one answer for this,
18:45
Speaker 1: and it doesn't happen in the blink of my mind.
18:48
Speaker 1: But how did you get to this point where you
18:50
Speaker 1: have all of this like internal courage.
18:57
Speaker 3: I think it really was more of my childhood because
19:01
Speaker 3: because like I'd mentioned, I had four younger siblings where
19:03
Speaker 3: I had to make sure they were safe. That was
19:06
Speaker 3: my only priority from nine to sixteen was to make
19:12
Speaker 3: sure that they weren't getting abused and that they weren't
19:15
Speaker 3: getting this, and so it gave me a motherly sense,
19:21
Speaker 3: and I feel like that is why I really relate
19:25
Speaker 3: to my clients, because I am kind of motherly and like,
19:28
Speaker 3: I love taking care of people, and my route down
19:33
Speaker 3: to my sole goal is to give my children the
19:35
Speaker 3: life I didn't have. You know, sometimes people make mistakes,
19:40
Speaker 3: and you know, I might yell at my kids sometimes,
19:42
Speaker 3: but then I realize that I might have just freaked
19:45
Speaker 3: out a little bit, and I go to my six
19:47
Speaker 3: year old and I say, hey, I'm sorry for yelling
19:50
Speaker 3: at you, like that was a little much, but you
19:54
Speaker 3: still can't do this or whatever. So still holding discipline,
19:57
Speaker 3: but also taking an accountability for my own outbursts that
20:01
Speaker 3: happened from time to time, because I can not even
20:05
Speaker 3: count how many times I've had a broad man's scream
20:07
Speaker 3: in my face and I literally couldn't do anything.
20:12
Speaker 2: I have. It's been an uphill.
20:14
Speaker 3: Battle always and I just strive, like my only goals
20:20
Speaker 3: are to be better, and so yeah, it just kind
20:24
Speaker 3: of fell in my lap.
20:25
Speaker 2: Really, what is.
20:30
Speaker 1: What are some of the things that are helping you
20:33
Speaker 1: get through the day? Are you you said you're in recovery.
20:38
Speaker 1: What does that look like? Are you in therapy? What
20:41
Speaker 1: does that look like?
20:43
Speaker 3: Yes, so I am in therapy. I have been with
20:47
Speaker 3: this therapist for probably about two years. I had a
20:51
Speaker 3: psychiatric break in twenty twenty three and that's when I
20:54
Speaker 3: started seeing her. And she's absolutely amazing. Her name is Denay.
20:59
Speaker 3: She has helped me through the biggest crisis ever.
21:03
Speaker 1: Uh, just as an interjection, you what about her is
21:07
Speaker 1: so amazing.
21:08
Speaker 3: She is so supportive and she's real, she's raw, she
21:12
Speaker 3: does not take crap and you know sometimes so I'm bipolar.
21:16
Speaker 3: So when I had my psychiatric break was when everything
21:19
Speaker 3: happened and I started to get medicated, and so you know,
21:22
Speaker 3: when I started having impulsive decisions, reckless decisions, she would
21:27
Speaker 3: call me out.
21:28
Speaker 2: She'd be like, I don't think that's safe. I don't
21:30
Speaker 2: think that's responsible.
21:31
Speaker 3: She wouldn't just be like, Okay, you know whatever you want,
21:34
Speaker 3: and she would like actually give me valuable feedback rather
21:38
Speaker 3: than mm hmm.
21:39
Speaker 2: And how does that make you feel? Like? She doesn't
21:41
Speaker 2: do that?
21:42
Speaker 3: Like she is genuine, she is kind, and she has
21:47
Speaker 3: helped me through like the biggest crisis is ever.
21:50
Speaker 2: I like, she's absolutely amazing.
21:54
Speaker 1: It sounds like, and correct me if I'm wrong here.
21:58
Speaker 5: Her ability to be real and open and honest and
22:04
Speaker 5: a human being is maybe something.
22:08
Speaker 1: You didn't have.
22:10
Speaker 2: Oh, hands down, hands down, wow wow.
22:15
Speaker 1: So all right, who would you say the book is for?
22:22
Speaker 2: I would say the book is for younger me.
22:28
Speaker 3: Because when I was suicidal and using drugs, I never
22:32
Speaker 3: thought I didn't think I would live past eighteen. If
22:34
Speaker 3: I'm being honest, I thought I would be dead somewhere
22:37
Speaker 3: overdosed suicide.
22:40
Speaker 2: I didn't think I was going to make it past
22:41
Speaker 2: high school.
22:42
Speaker 3: I am mind blown that I am twenty five now
22:45
Speaker 3: and all the things that I've accomplished. And so in
22:48
Speaker 3: my dedication it says something like we made it, like
22:53
Speaker 3: we did this, and so it's very healing to my
22:58
Speaker 3: inner child to see the good that my book is doing.
23:02
Speaker 3: I have had connections with family members. I thought, my
23:06
Speaker 3: book is going to create a little bit of ruffled feathers,
23:09
Speaker 3: you know, their tattoo topics and calling people out can
23:13
Speaker 3: not be great. My sister in law, who I honestly
23:16
Speaker 3: is behade her guts. She was a terrible person. She
23:18
Speaker 3: was very mean to me. When she read my book
23:21
Speaker 3: or her chapter, she texts me and she goes, I'm
23:24
Speaker 3: so sorry. I've been with my husband seven years and
23:27
Speaker 3: I've never heard the words i'm sorry come from her mouth.
23:30
Speaker 3: She was like, I didn't know I affected you in
23:32
Speaker 3: that way. I didn't realize that this is how this
23:34
Speaker 3: made you feel. And now she texts me all the time.
23:37
Speaker 3: She brings her kids to my house, like we've barely
23:40
Speaker 3: seen them in three years. And so it was such
23:43
Speaker 3: a changing connection that I never took seeing coming.
23:50
Speaker 1: You again. Talked about your book. You wanted it to
23:56
Speaker 1: be raw? How did you arrive at that?
24:03
Speaker 3: Was?
24:03
Speaker 1: Did you start? Was it something that you needed to
24:06
Speaker 1: work up to to be raw? I'm curious about that.
24:12
Speaker 3: I would say no, because especially a lot of the
24:15
Speaker 3: more prominent events in my book are so fried into
24:19
Speaker 3: my brain that I could close my eyes and play it,
24:22
Speaker 3: and so I already knew each detail, so as I
24:25
Speaker 3: was writing it down, I could write the smell of
24:28
Speaker 3: this or the sound of this, or the feel of
24:31
Speaker 3: the slab or the pulling of hair, you know, like
24:35
Speaker 3: I had very ingrained details in my brain, and so
24:40
Speaker 3: life really provided the raw on its own, all right.
24:48
Speaker 1: So with this book out and where can people reach
24:53
Speaker 1: get learn more about this book?
24:56
Speaker 3: By the way, So my book is currently available on Kindle,
25:00
Speaker 3: Apple Books, and Google Books. The audiobook is approved through Audible.
25:05
Speaker 3: I'm just waiting for the u r ls to come out.
25:07
Speaker 3: So I do have a link tree with all of those. Otherwise,
25:12
Speaker 3: I do have a Facebook also.
25:14
Speaker 1: Okay, and give us that link tree address.
25:21
Speaker 2: So it should be a tree. So sorry, no words.
25:36
Speaker 3: I believe it's l I n K t R dot
25:43
Speaker 3: e E backslash t R I n N two seven
25:48
Speaker 3: one eight.
25:50
Speaker 1: Okay, we'll have that link appear at the show notes
25:53
Speaker 1: page at the Trauma Therapist to podcast dot com Trinity.
25:58
Speaker 1: So now you're in recovery, you're in school, yep, And
26:06
Speaker 1: what's your hope? Where do you want to who do
26:08
Speaker 1: you want to work with? I guess that's a better question.
26:12
Speaker 3: So my goal, I mean, in my social work category
26:14
Speaker 3: right now, and then I'm going to get my LA
26:16
Speaker 3: dc SO license edition drug housling. The area that I
26:20
Speaker 3: live in, there is not nearly enough drug counselors and
26:23
Speaker 3: so I honestly could probably get a job at any
26:25
Speaker 3: treatment facility in the area because of how high.
26:28
Speaker 2: The need is.
26:31
Speaker 1: Awesome, Trinity, so inspiring. Love to have you back. It
26:37
Speaker 1: feels like there's a lot more to talk about, but again,
26:41
Speaker 1: just wish you so well on your journey and appreciate
26:44
Speaker 1: your courage and writing the book and the way you're
26:48
Speaker 1: writing the book.
26:51
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, thank you so much for having me on.
26:54
Speaker 1: All right, we'll be in touch to take care all right.
26:56
Speaker 2: Thank you
27:00
Speaker 1: After Colm ped the my composion s