Latest / The Arise with Anita Podcast / Stop Proving Yourself and Start Building Your Soul Tribe

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Stop Proving Yourself and Start Building Your Soul Tribe · The Arise with Anita Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Rise With Anita podcast, the space where soul meets strategy and dreams are no longer optional.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, anita Kurdayan-Kurges, a transformational mindset coach and founder of the Her Method.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: This show is for the woman who knows she's meant for more, who feels the call to rise higher but sometimes feels trapped by her old stories, patterns or circumstances.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Here we don't just talk about growth, we embody it.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: We activate the woman inside of you who leads, who creates, who claims her next level.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: You'll hear a mix of soul episodes from me and interviews with soul-driven leaders, the best in their fields, who live what they teach and rise by example.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Each conversation is a catalyst for your next breakthrough.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: You're not broken.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: You're breaking through.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Let's go ahead and rise together.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to the Rise with Anita podcast.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: I am so excited for this episode because not only is it timely in my own life in the sense that I had this realization of what an amazing community I've built.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: I've spent the better part of this last year, especially the better part of the last four months, really focused on cultivating and nourishing relationships and friendships that are going to be what I call building a community.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: That's conscious, sounds great, but what do I mean by that?
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: So, if you're sitting here wondering, it's the people in your circle whether that's mentors, friends, family members are going to be the ones to not only be real with you but to be able to be there.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: When you are in a funk, in a moment where life is changing and you're in a transition, perhaps if you're in a season that's actually going freaking, phenomenal these are the people who are there to encourage you, to love on you, to show you what you might be missing, right, you, what you might be missing, right.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: So what do I mean?
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: What you might be missing?
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: If you're like me and here's where I'm going to get vulnerable with you guys I had and am still working through a prove-it mentality.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: I will prove to you, I will earn my place in this world, and this is something very real and raw.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: So I just I want to take a second before I dive really deep here to acknowledge one thing, and that is part of this podcasting journey for me is me sharing my own growth with you, but also showing you how I'm getting out of things, how I am managing things.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: How I am managing and a big part of this phase is really acknowledging that I have some amazing people in my life right now, which Jim Brown has a quote the five people you spend the most time with is who you will be most likely to become, and so for me, with that knowing, with being in a season of transition, I realized I needed to start to be selective of who I'm allowing into my corner, but not from a stance of are they benefiting just my growth?
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: I look at it right now.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: I've raised such standards that I'm in a place that it's not just do we align on our values, though that's a big part of it, it's.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Do I accept the way I'm being treated in these relationships?
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: Do I accept the terms and conditions that are on myself, my standards right now, where I need to be in order to grow, stretch and improve my life.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: So a conscious community is, for me, the people who are going to uplift you.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: They're going to look at you and tell you you're bullshit.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: They're going to be the ones to point out where you can grow, but also where you're already amazing.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: Amazing, and the way that I realized and discovered that I actually had built this is I was having a conversation over the last week with someone very important to me and they pointed out that I still had a bit of that prove it mentality, mentality, and I thought about how part of my life's lessons for this lifetime is to disengage and disassociate from that lesson of always earning and proving my worth, because a big mic drop.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: Realization I had is no matter how much you attempt to prove yourself to someone else, realization I had is no matter how much you attempt to prove yourself to someone else, when your anything bite you, you're going to lose your authenticity.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: You're going to lose who you are in that process if you are not careful, especially if you are altering who you are to fit someone else's mold.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: So that realization alone made me ask a few of these amazing friends I had when you think of me, what do you think?
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: And this was not.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: I want to also acknowledge one thing, though this was not from a baited place of tell me how great I am.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: It was.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: I want to understand myself better.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: I want to see what other people see in me.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: And on the flicker of that, I also asked what I can improve.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: Now I knew I was doing something right when I was able to have the same answers come across.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: I believe it was six different people, which half of them don't know each other and have not interacted with each other.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: And the core question I asked outside of accomplishments, because I wanted to know my essence.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: I wanted to understand what I was maybe not seeing about myself Outside of accomplishments.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: Who am I?
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: What do you think of when you think of me?
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: And the answers?
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: Honestly, I challenge every person listening to this.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: If you're having a moment where you're having uncertainty about yourself or you're in a transition, borrow someone else's belief.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: This was actually a topic I just talked on with a person who's coming out to the podcast.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: So, if we think about it, our community, who we surround ourselves with, is literally those who are going to help us sail our boats or sink it.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: Right, if you have voices in your ear.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: Right, if you have voices in your ear that are telling you what you cannot do or are a source of doubt, that doubt will start to penetrate your mind.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: But if you have people who are able to combat and be in this what I call buffer position of I can tell you the truth, but I can tell you what's great about you or how you can improve it.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: That is where the success lies.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: So right now, I want you to take a moment and, as we're having this discussion, just pause and think about who in my life is actually playing a role of a buffer, a conscious community member, someone who lifts me up.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: There's a mentor.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: I have that.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: At the beginning of the year she was having us write out our people who are in our lives and she had two columns we had.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: It was basically your heroes or those who are your confidants, those you can go to with anything much like what I'm saying right now, your conscious community.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: And on the other end, it was who is it that I need to let go of or maybe just distance from, because who you surround yourself with is who you become, and I know I said that already in this episode.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: So I just realized so much of my life has been transformed by the people that's in my life right now and when we think about it.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: Why is this human connection so needed?
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: It's because we are in need of connection, but we need connections that add life to us, that speak life to us, that are able to remind ourselves in those moments of, to remind ourselves in those moments of I'm losing my doubt, to have someone just speak life over you.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: Recently, I was in a season where the doubt had hit me harder than it had in a very long time, and normally I myself would just use all my tips, tricks and tools, and in that moment, because I had it pointed out to me I ended up reaching out to someone that I cared about, and I was like, hey, I usually don't come to you in mid-process, but I'm experiencing doubt in this capacity and I just need you to hold space for it and just being able to share and be able to witness, be witnessed.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: What a beautiful reminder that we don't need to always look like we have it together.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: There's something to be said about processing and leaning on your community and relying on people and allowing yourself to be seen in that light, and, if we look at it, humans have a need for belonging right.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: It's part of our root chakra wisdom.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: It's part of us meeting that fundamental need of wanting to be seen, wanting to connect, wanting to have real conversations, but if we're not open to being vulnerable, we're not able to have those conversations.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: Our nervous system and sense of safety are literally co-regulated by others.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: The people that are around you can affect your baseline.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: So what I'm learning, though and this is where I say the HER method really embodies everything that I really want to teach on, and that is like a check, like, if you look at HER method like a checked like.
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: If you look at her method heal and body rise it comes down to really owning the fact that the rising is that manifestation process taking root and her healing.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: Embodying is just the journey to get there.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Embodying is just the journey to get there.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: So, from relationship principles, we're working on being worthy of that type of relationship, and when I say worthy, I don't mean you have to be something more than you're not.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: The whole point and this is why I started off with the reality of me having that proving mentality that I'm shaking off, that I'm working through is it's not that you're worthy by needing to change yourself for your relationships.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: You're already inherently worthy and you have to start honing them from the get-go.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: So, if you think about it, the people we align with that we truly align with I'm not talking about people that you have to change yourself to be around.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: They reflect your values, they start to reflect your beliefs, they reflect the level of consciousness I don't know if you've ever had it where you follow someone on social media or you are around someone and you're going through the same thing, or you're having similar conversations.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: Because of the consciousness that you're vibrating at you, tap into a different frequency, and these are all big words but essentially like attracts, like You'll end up finding the people who are meant for you at the right time.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: Friends connect as mirrors for your strengths, blind spots, your limiting beliefs.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: I think there was a beautiful conversation I just recently had where a friend of mine was reflecting some of the same issues and I don't want to call them issues, but the same things I've started to work on or have been working on and I remember listening to her as she shared and at one point I told her I can see why we're friends, I can see why we connected, and it's because we have the same things we're working on in this lifetime, it's this consciousness, that we're able to ping pong back and forth what's working, what is helping that person, what's working, what is helping that person.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: And while not every tip, tool or trick will work for you, having that connection over the real, the raw, the vulnerable, is what is actually important.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: So I just really want to remind you guys because this is something that's been coming through for me is everyone has a unique curriculum.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: We're in this earth school for a reason.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: We came here for a different lesson.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: We came here for growth right, and that growth entails us to learn what we're learning but also share it and share the journey along the way.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: So what makes a conscious community?
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: I would start off with just having a shared intention.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: Those who are in my conscious communities that I have really connected with are people I have met through different phases of my life, through different growth journeys, and have connected with, regardless of their age or my age, because I have friends that are 30, 30 like myself and friends who are pushing their 50s and for me, I can learn something from each one in the middle.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: So my point is it wasn't about the typical age range and whatnot.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: It was about the fact that we have a set intention together.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: It was about the fact that we have a set intention together.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: We met through different conscious communities as it existed.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: Most of them came from like the Tony Robbins world or just different events I've attended, personal growth Courses I've taken and people I've aligned with and have met on.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: Zoom can become a conscious community.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be the people that you're necessarily surrounding yourself with on a day-to-day wobble.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: In fact, I have a running joke now Most of my text messages tend to hit around 5 to 8 am my time.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: I live on the West Coast.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: People I'm really close with are living on the East Coast, and the point with this is we still feel like we're together and we're in this together, regardless of the miles and the distance between us.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: So just set an intention.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: If this is what you're calling in right now, for the people and the energy that you're going to call in, what are they like?
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: What are they growing through?
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: And, as part of that, you just have to create a safe space.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: And I really want to hold home now on this one, because one of the top feedbacks I got was you make me feel like I can tell you anything without judgment, and I can honestly say that's one of my favorite compliments I've ever received, because that means the person feels safe, especially when we're talking about vulnerabilities and I'm sharing with you the parts of life that don't look curated.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: That is, what's necessary is a safe space, presence, the ability to listen, to hone in, but, with.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: That being said, there's always boundaries and agreements that are making those spaces safe.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: I always recommend just allowing people to talk and not interrupt them, and I think there's a beautiful thing in asking specifically, specifically do you want to have feedback in this moment or do you want me to just hold the space?
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: Because there is a difference and, for me, I've had moments where I've needed someone to coach me and to guide me as I was processing, but I've also had moments where I just needed to say what I needed to say and to be witnessed.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: So there's that difference of do you need support or do you need guidance, and I think a beautiful part of this is it should be mutual support and accountability.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: Having people that you can tell your goals and your dreams to, or what you're working on, and having them hold you accountable.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: Having them not necessarily checking on whether or not you're doing it, but having people who can ask you about a project that you said you were going to start, five, six months down the line, to be like, hey, did you ever actually start that?
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: What's the status on that?
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: Where are you taking this?
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: I think, when we're a part of these online communities, there's something magical about being able to see the growth within different people and it just is a beautiful way of creating friendship.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: I had a friend who reached out to me and we were having this heart-to-heart and because we've met through networking and just having been in the right space at the right time.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: But it was a personal development space and she was like you know, I want to appreciate you for a moment because a lot of people I've met I thought were friends, but it turned out they were looking at me as just like a client our friends but it turned out they were looking at me as just like a client, and sometimes it's good to just find your soul home and find the people that make your soul sing, because business is great, but so is a real connection, and sometimes you have to decipher, and for me it's always intuitive.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: I have to feel is this person a client potential, or can I just be real and authentically messy with them and share this journey along the way?
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: And there's something so beautiful in that.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: So, final steps, I'm gonna recommend just start auditing your current circle.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Who gives you energy, who feels like it drains you?
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: And, with that being said, what season are your relationships in?
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Do you feel like you're in a springtime, where things are budding and you're starting to see the fruits of your labor, or planting the seeds?
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: Is it summertime You're starting to actually see the fruits of your labor?
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: Is it's summertime, you're starting to actually see the fruits of your labor?
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: Are you in winter, still planting the seeds, but maybe not having seen anything?
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: Are you going through a tough time and start embodying the energy of the friend you want to attract, of the conscious collective you're bringing in?
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Start to be that person who checks in on people, who's there for people, who holds people accountable, who motivates and inspires them.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: Because when we pour into ourselves, into others excuse me, not ourselves from up your place of I just want to serve you.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: I just want to connect with you.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: I want to see you grow there's something so beautiful in that and, lastly, just nurture the relationships, create gathering points with them, whether that's a Zoom call these days or take time to actually set up a coffee date and honestly riff off ideas.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: I think there's something so beautiful in having these moments where we connect and genuinely just interact and feel how grateful it is to be in alignment with people, to understand your journey and if you do hit points where you disagree or you have misalignment, address that head-on.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: Conscious does not mean conflict avoidant.
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: It means conflict is handled with love, it's handled with care, it's handled by actually addressing what you need to address.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: I learned that the biggest thing that can deteriorate a relationship is not being honest.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: I hope you guys enjoyed this.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: I did not mean to go on such a long-winded rant, but for me, I've really realized having amazing people along my journey is what helps me keep going.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: Take one step to find a new friend, a new community you can be a part of, whether that's joining a membership online or interacting and initiating a coffee chat with someone you already know.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: But reach out to someone and start making the aligned actions and interactions connections.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: Aligned actions and interactions connections Create space for deep conversations.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: We don't need more of the surface level how's the weather in Vegas today?
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: And invite them to start sharing their visions with you.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: If this episode moved you, if you got something from it, please let me know.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: I would love to hear your feedback and, honestly, I'm just so grateful I get to do this week over week.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: Thank you for tuning in and until next time, if you can leave a review, rate it and let me know your thoughts.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: I am so grateful for the ability to do this and that is all for now.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Thank you for rising with me today.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: If this episode moved, you share it.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: Tag me at AriseWithAnita and make sure to subscribe so you never miss a future activation, and if you feel cold, leave a quick review.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: It helps more women find the space and rise into their power.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: Your next level is already waiting.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Now go claim it.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: I'll see you in the next episode.