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10 - The Son - Siddhartha - Hermann Hesse · Philosophy and Faith

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  Speaker 1: Chapter ten, the sun timid and weeping, the boy had
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  Speaker 1: attended his mother's funeral, gloomy and shy. He had listened
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  Speaker 1: to SidD Arthur, who greeted him as his son and
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  Speaker 1: welcomed him at his place in Vasadeva's hut Pale. He
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  Speaker 1: sat for many days by the heel of the dead,
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  Speaker 1: did not want to eat, gave no open look, did
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  Speaker 1: not open his heart. Met his fate with resistance and denial.
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  Speaker 1: Sad Arthur spared him and let him do as he pleased.
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  Speaker 1: He honored his mourning. Sid Arthur understood that his son
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  Speaker 1: did not know him, that he could not love him
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  Speaker 1: like a father. Slowly, he also saw and understood that
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  Speaker 1: the eleven year old was a pampered boy, a mother's boy,
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  Speaker 1: and that he had grown up in the habits of
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  Speaker 1: rich people, accustomed to finer food, to a soft bed,
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  Speaker 1: accustomed to giving orders to servants. Sir Arthur understood that
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  Speaker 1: the morning pampered child could not suddenly and willingly be
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  Speaker 1: content with a life among strangers and in poverty. He
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  Speaker 1: did not force him. He did many a chore for him,
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  Speaker 1: always picked the best piece of the meal for him. Slowly,
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  Speaker 1: he hoped to win him over by friendly patience, rich
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  Speaker 1: and happy, he had called himself when the boy had
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  Speaker 1: come to him. Since time had passed on in the meanwhile,
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  Speaker 1: and the boy remained a stranger and in a gloomy disposition,
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  Speaker 1: since he displayed a proud and stubbornly disobedient heart, did
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  Speaker 1: not want to do any work, did not pay his
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  Speaker 1: respect to the old men, stole from Vasudiva's fruit trees.
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  Speaker 1: Then Sir Arthur began to understand that his son had
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  Speaker 1: not brought him happiness and peace, but and worry. But
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  Speaker 1: he loved him, and he preferred the suffering and worries
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  Speaker 1: of love over happiness and joy without the boy. Since
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  Speaker 1: young Siddarthur was in the hut, the old man had
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  Speaker 1: split the work. Vasudiva had again taken on the job
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  Speaker 1: of the fairy man all by himself, and said Arthur,
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  Speaker 1: in order to be with his son, did the work
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  Speaker 1: in the hut and in the field for a long time.
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  Speaker 1: For long months, said Arthur waited for his son to
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  Speaker 1: understand him, to accept his love, to perhaps reciprocate it.
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  Speaker 1: For long months, Vasudiva waited, watching, waited, and said nothing.
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  Speaker 1: One day, when Saddarthur the younger had once again tormented
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  Speaker 1: his father very much with spite and an unsteadiness in
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  Speaker 1: his wishes, and had broken both of his rice bowls.
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  Speaker 1: Vasudeva took in the evening his friend aside and talked
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  Speaker 1: to him. Pardon me, he said, from a friendly heart,
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  Speaker 1: I am talking to you. I am seeing that you
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  Speaker 1: are tormenting yourself. I am seeing that you are in grief.
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  Speaker 1: Your son, my dear, is worrying you, and he is
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  Speaker 1: also worrying me. That young bird is accustomed to a
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  Speaker 1: different life, to a different nest. He has not, like you,
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  Speaker 1: run away from riches and the city, being disgusted and
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  Speaker 1: fed up with it. Against his will, he had to
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  Speaker 1: leave all this behind. I ask the river friend, many
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  Speaker 1: times I have asked it. But the river laughs. It
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  Speaker 1: laughs at me, It laughs at you and me, and
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  Speaker 1: is shaking with laughter at our foolishness. Water wants to
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  Speaker 1: join water. Youth wants to join youth. Your son is
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  Speaker 1: not in the place where he can prosper. You too
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  Speaker 1: should ask the river. You too should listen to it,
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: said Arthur looked into his friendly face in the many
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  Speaker 1: wrinkles of which there was an incessant cheerfulness. How could
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  Speaker 1: I part with him, he said, quietly, ashamed. Give me
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  Speaker 1: some more time, my dear. See, I'm fighting for him.
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  Speaker 1: I'm seeking to win his heart with love and with
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  Speaker 1: friendly patience. I intend to capture it. One day, the
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  Speaker 1: river shall also talk to him. He also is called upon.
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  Speaker 1: Vasudeva's smile flourished more warmly. Oh, yes, he too is
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  Speaker 1: called upon. He too is of the eternal life. But
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  Speaker 1: do we you and me know what he is called
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  Speaker 1: upon to do? What path to take, what actions to perform,
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  Speaker 1: what pain to endure? Not a small one his pain
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  Speaker 1: will be. After all, his heart is proud and hard.
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  Speaker 1: People like this have to suffer a lot, er a lot,
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  Speaker 1: do much injustice, burden themselves with much sin. Tell me,
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  Speaker 1: my dear, you're not taking control of your son's upbringing.
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  Speaker 1: You don't force him, you don't beat him, you don't
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  Speaker 1: punish him. No, Vasudiva, I don't do anything of this.
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  Speaker 1: I knew it. You don't force him, don't beat him,
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  Speaker 1: don't give him orders, because you know that soft is
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  Speaker 1: stronger than hard, water stronger than rocks, love stronger than force.
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  Speaker 1: Very good, I praise you, But aren't you mistaken in
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  Speaker 1: thinking that you wouldn't force him, wouldn't punish him. Don't
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  Speaker 1: you shackle him with your love? Don't you make him
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  Speaker 1: feel in fear every day? And don't you make it
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  Speaker 1: even harder on him with your kindness and patience? Don't
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  Speaker 1: you force him, the arrogant and pampered boy, to live
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  Speaker 1: in a hut with two old banana eaters, to whom
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  Speaker 1: even rice is a delicacy, whose thoughts can't be his,
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  Speaker 1: whose hearts are old and quiet, and beats in a
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  Speaker 1: different pace than his. Isn't forced? Isn't he punished by
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  Speaker 1: all this? Troubled? Said Arthur, look to the ground. Quietly,
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  Speaker 1: he asked, what do you think I should do, quoth Fasudeva.
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  Speaker 1: Bring him into the city, Bring him into his mother's house.
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  Speaker 1: There'll still be servants around, give him to them, And
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  Speaker 1: when there aren't any around anymore, bring him to a teacher,
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  Speaker 1: not for the teaching's sake, but so that he shall
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  Speaker 1: be among other boys, and among girls, and in the
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  Speaker 1: world which is his? Have you never thought of this?
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  Speaker 1: You're seeing into my heart? Said Arthur, spoke sadly. Often
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  Speaker 1: I have thought of this. But look, how shall I
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  Speaker 1: put him who had no tender heart? Anyhow into this world.
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  Speaker 1: Won't he become exuberant? Won't he lose himself to pleasure
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  Speaker 1: and power? Won't he repeat all of his father's mistakes?
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  Speaker 1: Won't he perhaps get entirely lost in Sansarah? Brightly the
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  Speaker 1: ferry man smile lit up softly. He touched Arthur's arm
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  Speaker 1: and said, ask the river about it, my friend, hear it,
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  Speaker 1: laugh about it? Would you actually believe that you had
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  Speaker 1: committed your foolish acts in order to spare your son
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  Speaker 1: from committing them too? And could you in any way
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  Speaker 1: protect your son from Sensarah? How could you by means
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  Speaker 1: of teachings, prayer, admonition? My dear, have you entirely forgotten
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  Speaker 1: that story, that story containing so many lessons, That story
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  Speaker 1: about Siddartha, a Brahman son, which you once told me
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  Speaker 1: here on this very spot. Who has kept a Samana
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  Speaker 1: Saiddartha's safe from Sansara, from sin, from greed, from foolishness.
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  Speaker 1: Were his father's religious devotion, his teacher's warnings, his own knowledge,
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  Speaker 1: his own search able to keep him safe. Which father,
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  Speaker 1: which teacher had been able to protect him from living
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  Speaker 1: his life for himself, from soiling himself with life from
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  Speaker 1: burdening himself with guilt, from drinking the bitter drink for himself,
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  Speaker 1: from finding his path for himself. Would you think, my dear,
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  Speaker 1: anybody might perhaps be spared from taking this path, That
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  Speaker 1: perhaps your little son would be spared because you love him,
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  Speaker 1: because you would like to keep him safe, because you
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  Speaker 1: would like to keep him from suffering and pain and disappointment.
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  Speaker 1: But even if you would die ten times for him,
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  Speaker 1: you would not be able to take the slightest part
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  Speaker 1: of his destiny upon yourself. Never before Vasudeva had spoken
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  Speaker 1: so many words kindly. Siddartha thanked him, went troubled into
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  Speaker 1: the hut, could not sleep for a long time. Vasudeva
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  Speaker 1: had told him nothing he had not already thought and
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  Speaker 1: known for himself. But this was a knowledge he could
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  Speaker 1: not act upon. Stronger than the knowledge was his love
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  Speaker 1: for the boy. Stronger was his tenderness, his fear to
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  Speaker 1: lose him. Had he ever lost his heart so much
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  Speaker 1: to something? Had he ever loved any person thus thus kindly,
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  Speaker 1: thus sufferingly, thus unsuccessfully, and yet thus happily. Sir Darthur
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  Speaker 1: could not heed his friend's advice. He could not give
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  Speaker 1: up the boy. He let the boy give him orders,
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  Speaker 1: he let him disregard him. He said nothing and waited daily.
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  Speaker 1: He began the mute struggle of friendliness, the silent war
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  Speaker 1: of patience. Vasud Diva said nothing and waited friendly, knowing patient,
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  Speaker 1: they were both masters of patience. At one time, when
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  Speaker 1: the boy's face reminded him very much of Kamala, Siddartha
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  Speaker 1: suddenly had to think of a line which Kamala, a
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  Speaker 1: long time ago, in the days of their youth, had
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  Speaker 1: once said to him. You cannot love, she had said
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  Speaker 1: to him, And he had agreed with her, and had
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  Speaker 1: compared himself to a star while comparing the childlike people
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  Speaker 1: with falling leaves. And nevertheless, he had also sensed an
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  Speaker 1: accusation in that line. Indeed, he had never been able
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  Speaker 1: to lose or devote himself completely to another person, to
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  Speaker 1: forget himself, to commit foolish acts for the love of
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  Speaker 1: another person. Never he had been able to do this.
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  Speaker 1: And this was, as it seemed to him at that time,
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  Speaker 1: the great distinction which set him apart from the childlike people.
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  Speaker 1: But now, since his son was here, now, he said,
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  Speaker 1: Arthur had become completely a childlike person, suffering for the
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  Speaker 1: sake of another person, loving another person, lost to a love,
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  Speaker 1: having become a fool on account of love. Now he
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  Speaker 1: too felt late. Once in his lifetime, this strongest and
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  Speaker 1: strangest of all passions suffered from it, suffered miserably, and
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  Speaker 1: was nevertheless in bliss, was nevertheless renewed in one respect,
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  Speaker 1: enriched by the one thing. He did sense very well
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  Speaker 1: that his love, this blind love for his son, was
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  Speaker 1: a passion, something very human, that it was sansara, a
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  Speaker 1: murky source, dark waters. Nevertheless, he felt at the same
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  Speaker 1: time it was not worthless, It was necessary, came from
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  Speaker 1: the essence of his own being. This pleasure also had
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  Speaker 1: to be atoned for. This pain also had to be endured.
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  Speaker 1: These foolish acts also had to be committed. Through all this,
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  Speaker 1: the son let him commit his foolish acts, let him
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  Speaker 1: court for his affection, let him humiliate himself every day
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  Speaker 1: by giving in to his moods. This father had nothing
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  Speaker 1: which could have delighted him, and nothing which he would
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  Speaker 1: have feared. He was a good man, this father, a good, kind,
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  Speaker 1: soft man, perhaps a very devout man, perhaps a saint.
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  Speaker 1: All these were no attributes which could win the boy over.
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  Speaker 1: He was bored by his father, who kept him prisoner
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  Speaker 1: here in this miserable hut of his. He was bored
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  Speaker 1: by him, and for him to answer every naughtiness with
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  Speaker 1: a smile, every insult with friendliness, every viciousness with kindness.
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  Speaker 1: This very thing was the hated trick of this old sneak.
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  Speaker 1: Much more the boy would have liked it if he
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  Speaker 1: had been threatened by him, if he had been abused
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  Speaker 1: by him. A day came when what young Saddhartha had
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  Speaker 1: on his mind came bursting forth, and he openly turned
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  Speaker 1: against his father. The latter had given him as he
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  Speaker 1: had told him to gather brushwood. But the boy did
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  Speaker 1: not leave the heart. In stubborn disobedience and rage, he
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  Speaker 1: stayed where he was, thumped on the ground with his
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  Speaker 1: feet clenched his fists, and screamed in a powerful outburst
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  Speaker 1: his hatred and contempt into his father's face. Get the
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  Speaker 1: brushwood for yourself, he shouted, foaming at the mouth. I'm
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  Speaker 1: not your servant. I do know that you won't hit me,
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  Speaker 1: you don't dare. I do know that you constantly want
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  Speaker 1: to punish me and put me down with your religious
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  Speaker 1: devotion and your indulgence. You want me to become like you,
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  Speaker 1: just as devout, just as soft, just as wise. But
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  Speaker 1: I listen up just to make you suffer. I rather
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  Speaker 1: want to become a highway robber and a murderer and
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  Speaker 1: to go to hell, than to become like you. I
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  Speaker 1: hate you. You're not my father, and if you've been
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  Speaker 1: ten times my mother's fornicata, rage and grief boiled over
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  Speaker 1: in him. Foamed at the father in a hundred savage
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  Speaker 1: and evil words. Then the boy ran away and only
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  Speaker 1: returned late at night. But the next morning he had disappeared.
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  Speaker 1: What had also disappeared was a small basket woven out
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  Speaker 1: of bast of two colors, in which the ferrymen kept
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  Speaker 1: those copper and silver coins which they received as a fair.
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  Speaker 1: The boat had also disappeared. Sad Darthur sought it, lying
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  Speaker 1: by the opposite bank. The boy had run away. I
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  Speaker 1: must follow him, said Saddarthur, who had been shivering with
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  Speaker 1: grief since those ranting speeches the boy had made yesterday.
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  Speaker 1: A child can't go through the forest all alone. He'll perish.
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  Speaker 1: We must build a raft, Vasudeva. To get over the water.
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  Speaker 1: We will build a raft, said Vasudeva, to get our
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  Speaker 1: boat back, which the boy has taken away but him.
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  Speaker 1: You shall let run along, my friend, he is no
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  Speaker 1: child any more. He knows how to get around. He's
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  Speaker 1: looking for the path to the city, and he is right.
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  Speaker 1: Don't forget that. He's doing what you've failed to do yourself.
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  Speaker 1: He's taking care of himself. He's taking his course alas,
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: said Arthur, I see you suffering. But you're suffering are
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  Speaker 1: pain at which one would like to laugh, at which
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  Speaker 1: you'll soon laugh for yourself, said Arthur. Did not answer.
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  Speaker 1: He already held the axe in his hands and began
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  Speaker 1: to make a raft of bamboo, and Vasudeva helped him
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  Speaker 1: to tie the canes together with ropes of grass. Then
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  Speaker 1: they crossed over, drifted far off their course, pulled the
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  Speaker 1: raft up river on the opposite bank. Why did you
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: take the axe along, asked Siddartha. Vasudeva said, it might
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  Speaker 1: have been possible that the awe of our boat got lost.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Patsidartha knew what his friend was thinking. He thought the
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  Speaker 1: boy would have thrown away or broken the oar in
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  Speaker 1: order to get even and in order to keep them
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  Speaker 1: from following him. And in fact there was no owe
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: left in the boat. Vasudeva pointed at the bottom of
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  Speaker 1: the boat and looked at his friend with a smile,
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: as if he wanted to say, don't you see what
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  Speaker 1: your son is trying to tell you? Don't you see
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: that he doesn't want to be followed? But he did
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  Speaker 1: not say this in words. He started making a new awe.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Patsidartha bid his farewell to look for the runaway Vasudeva
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: did not stop him. When Suddartha had already been walking
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  Speaker 1: through the forest for a long time, the thought occurred
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  Speaker 1: to him that his search was useless, either so he
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  Speaker 1: thought the boy was far ahead and had already reached
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  Speaker 1: the city, or if he should still be on his way,
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: he would conceal himself from him the pursuer. As he
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: continued thinking, he also found that he, on his part,
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  Speaker 1: was not worried for his son, for he knew deep
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  Speaker 1: inside that he had neither perished nor was in any
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: danger in the forest. Nevertheless, he ran without stopping, no
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: longer to save him, just to satisfy his desire, just
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: to perhaps see him one more time, and he ran
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  Speaker 1: up to just outside the city. When near the city
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: he reached a wide road, he stopped by the entrance
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  Speaker 1: of the beautiful pleasure garden which used to belong to Kamala,
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: where he had seen her for the first time in
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  Speaker 1: her sedan chair. The past rose up in his soul again.
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  Speaker 1: He saw himself standing there, young, a bearded, naked Samana,
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  Speaker 1: his hair full of dust. For a long time, Saddartha
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: stood there and looked through the open gate into the garden,
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  Speaker 1: seeing monks in yellow robes walking among the beautiful trees.
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  Speaker 1: For a long time, he stood there, pondering, seeing images,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: listening to the story of his life. For a long time,
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: he stood there, looked at the monks, saw young Saddartha
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: in their place, saw young Kamala walking among the high trees. Clearly,
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: he saw himself being served food and drink by Kamala,
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  Speaker 1: receiving his first kiss from her, looking proudly and disdainfully
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: back on his Brahmanism, beginning proudly and full of the
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: de desire his worldly life. He saw Kamaswami, saw the servants,
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: the orgies, the gamblers with the dice, the musicians, saw
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: Kamala's songbird in the cage. Live. Through all this once
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: again breathed Sansara was once again old and tired, felt
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: once again disgusted, felt once again the wish to annihilate himself,
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: was once again healed by the holy om. After having
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: been standing at the gate of the garden for a
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: long time, Saddarthur realized that his desire was foolish, which
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: had made him go up to this place, that he
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: could not help his son, that he was not allowed
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: to cling him deeply. He felt the love for the
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: runaway in his heart like a wound, And he felt
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: at the same time that this wound had not been
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: given to him him in order to turn the knife
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  Speaker 1: in it, That it had to become a blossom and
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: had to shine. That this wound did not blossom, yet
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: did not shine yet at this hour made him sad.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: Instead of the desired goal which had drawn him here
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: following the runaway sun, there was now emptiness. Sadly he
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: sat down, felt something dying in his heart, experienced emptiness,
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: saw no joy anymore, no goal. He sat last in
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: thought and waited. This he had learned by the river,
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: this one thing waiting, having patience, listening attentively. And he
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: sat and listened in the dust of the road, listened
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  Speaker 1: to his heart beating tiredly, and sadly waited for a
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: voice hour. He crouched listening, saw no images anymore, fell
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  Speaker 1: into emptiness, let himself fall without seeing a path, and
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: when he felt the wound burning, he silently spoke the olm,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: filled himself with olm. The monks in the garden saw him,
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: and since he crouched there for many hours and dust
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: was gathering on his gray hair, one of them came
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  Speaker 1: to him and placed two bananas in front of him.
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  Speaker 1: The old man did not see him. From this petrified state,
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: he was awoken by a hand touching his shoulder. Instantly
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: he recognized this touch, this tender, bashful touch, and regained
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: his senses. He rose and greeted Vasudeva, who had followed him.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: And when he looked into Vasudeva's friendly face, into the
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: small wrinkles, which were as if they were filled with
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: nothing but his smile, into the happy eyes, then he
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: smiled too. Now he saw the bananas lying in front
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  Speaker 1: of him, picked them up, gave one to the faeryman
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: ate the other one himself. After this he silently went
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: back into the forest. With Vasudiva returned home to the fairy.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: Neither one talked about what had happened to day. Neither
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: one mentioned the boy's name, neither one spoke about him
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: running away, neither one spoke about the wound in the hut.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: Said Arthur lay down on his bed, and when after
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: a while Vasudeva came to him to offer him a
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: bowl of cocoanut milk, he already found him asleep. End
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: of Chapter ten.