Latest / UNMASKED with Wesley Farnsworth / EP 70 - Renew Your Mind: Breaking the Thought Patterns That Keep You Stuck | Rose Ann Forte

Transcript

EP 70 - Renew Your Mind: Breaking the Thought Patterns That Keep You Stuck | Rose Ann Forte · UNMASKED with Wesley Farnsworth

0:02
What if the thoughts that you've been trying to fight aren't
0:05
actually the problem? What if the patterns that you
0:09
keep returning to, the habits, the reactions, the emotional
0:14
cycles aren't just about willpower, but about something
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deeper happening in your mind? A lot of people want freedom,
0:22
but they keep finding themselves stuck in the same places, the
0:26
same thoughts, same triggers, same outcomes.
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Today's conversation is about what it really takes to break
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those cycles. Not just spirituality, but
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mentally and emotionally, and how renewing your mind isn't
0:44
just a concept but a process. Welcome to Unmasked, where we
0:55
take off the filters and we get real about faith, failure, and
0:58
finding freedom. I'm your host, Wesley
1:00
Farnsworth, a dad, author, veteran, and a man who's learned
1:05
that God does his best work in the middle of our mess.
1:08
Each episode we have honest conversations with people who've
1:11
walked through addiction, pain, or doubt, and with pastors,
1:15
leaders, and everyday believers who are learning to live and
1:18
lead authentically. So take a breath, pull up a
1:21
chair, and let's get real. This is unmasked.
1:32
Today on Unmasked we are joined by a special guest, Rose Ann
1:36
Forte. She's an international best
1:39
selling author, addiction and behavioral habits specialist,
1:43
and the creator of the Chosen Freedom Program, which is a
1:47
faith-based, neuroscience informed framework designed to
1:51
help people break free from life interfering thoughts, emotions
1:55
and behaviors. She's the author of The Plans He
1:58
Has for Me and Prepared to Quit and co-author of Transformed by
2:04
His Promises, a 12 week devotional that integrates
2:07
biblical truth with neuroscience to support lasting
2:10
transformation. Through her work, Roseanne
2:13
equips individuals, churches, and counselors with practical
2:17
tools for change without shame, stigma, or performance based
2:22
faith. Roseanne, welcome to the show
2:25
and thank you so much for agreeing to come on Unmasked and
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Share your story and journey with the Unmasked community.
2:34
Yeah, I'm so grateful to be here.
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Thank you for having me. I'm excited to have our
2:40
conversation. Before we dive in, because I
2:42
have lots of questions for you based on our back and forth
2:45
prior to recording this episode, but before we do all that, I
2:50
want to, I want to give you the opportunity to share a little
2:53
bit with us. Help us understand what led you
2:57
to this space of combined combining faith, neuroscience,
3:01
and behavioral change, and what you started to notice about why
3:07
people stay stuck even when they genuinely want freedom.
3:12
Right. And like all of God's stories,
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right, they start with your own personal experience.
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And so my, that's no different than me.
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I got stuck in addiction. I, I started drinking and
3:31
smoking cigarettes at a very young age, 13 years old.
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And, you know, I just had one of those really pedal to the metal
3:40
kind of personalities. The addiction with cigarettes
3:44
was pretty bad at 2 to 3 packs a day.
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I quit that, I guess, 18 years ago.
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Thank, thank you, Jesus. It was very hard.
3:54
I don't know if you are aware of this, but that kind of addiction
3:58
is equivalent to heroin, you know?
4:03
And it was no fun quitting. I I had several attempts to do
4:08
that. And then because addictions
4:12
transfer over the next few, I guess over the next decade,
4:21
alcohol started showing up in my life.
4:24
I had a collapsed, a toxic marriage, a collapsed marriage.
4:28
I just, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder.
4:32
I had a form of PTSD, you know, I was kind of a mess and I was
4:40
and here's the kicker, leader in the church I love, I I found
4:46
Jesus, you know, decades ago. I love the word of God.
4:50
I served in the church faithfully and I LED Bible
4:59
studies. I spoke at women's conferences.
5:01
I went on mission trips. I was charge of finance, right.
5:04
I mean, like I'm talking in the church and you know, here, and I
5:10
say this because I know I'm speaking to a lot of people
5:13
here. You know, you've got this secret
5:17
and it's like, what's wrong with me?
5:19
And all the kind of the faith-based things weren't
5:22
working for me that let you know, praying more and and
5:26
serving more and just what's wrong with me.
5:30
And that is the, the most horrible narrative.
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When you go from knowing that you're you're doing something
5:40
wrong to thinking that you're wrong.
5:43
There's something you know, it's the shame of No, Roseanne, it's
5:49
not what you were doing. That's right.
5:50
It's you're the problem. And God doesn't want us to think
5:53
that, right? But I couldn't, I didn't, I
5:57
didn't resonate with a lot of the programs that I saw in the
6:01
church. I was keeping the secret because
6:04
of my belief that I'd be sentenced to meetings for the
6:08
rest of my life or I'd be labeled.
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I didn't like that character defect, you know, term.
6:14
And, and I'm not saying, Oh my goodness, the 12 step programs
6:18
have just then it saved so many lives.
6:23
And so I don't want to, you know, I'm just trying to share
6:25
my story, but I think most people before they get inside
6:30
those programs or look just like me.
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No, not me, not me, not me, right?
6:35
So I was there. No, not me, not me, not me.
6:40
When COVID hit, I was truly scared because of my smoking
6:45
past and my extremely heavy drinking.
6:49
I didn't think I had a snowball's chance and you know
6:51
where to survive COVID. And so that scared me enough to
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quit. But at the same time, I joined a
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coaching program that just said, hey, let's put attractively
7:06
packaged poison to the side for 90 days and see what happens.
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Well, I love that, right? Because the focus wasn't on me.
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It was on deception of the substance.
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And I was very attracted to that.
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I was attracted to the fact that it was a 90 day challenge and it
7:25
wasn't for the rest of my life. At that point, I couldn't get my
7:30
head around forever. But I knew I had such a problem
7:34
that I needed to figure it out and at least save myself from
7:37
COVID, right? So I, I ended up going into the
7:43
program and I was so transformed over a period of 90 days, I
7:48
mean, I, I lost 23 lbs. I had confidence again.
7:53
I started exercising, my blood pressure went down, my resting
7:57
heart rate went down. My confidence went up.
7:59
I thought the Holy Spirit in my life again and I ended up I was
8:06
just so excited about my transformation.
8:09
I told them like, I want to work with you.
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I just like I want to tell other people about this.
8:15
And so I ended up working with them as an enrollment coach and
8:20
A and a client journey coach. And the enrolling process was a
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beautiful experience for me to understand that everybody had
8:33
the same thoughts as I did. Everybody had the same shame.
8:37
Everybody had the same, you know, negative self-taught and
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everybody wanted to be better. Everybody wanted to be more
8:44
productive and, you know, have better relationships, all those
8:48
things. And a lot of Christians came in
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too. They, they were like full of
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shame. So I started studying the
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science behind what they were doing and my mind was just
9:03
blown. They were using neuroscience on
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how to change, you know, the way your brain is structured, how to
9:11
change your way of thinking. But all of these things, I'm
9:15
like, you are teaching God's word without God.
9:18
You're teaching the Kingdom without the king.
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I, I mean, this was just a crazy thing to me.
9:26
And so because there were so many Christians coming into the
9:30
program, I'd say, look, you're going to hear God's word.
9:33
It's just covered up, right, Come on in.
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And I started matching up some of the things that we were
9:42
learning with Scripture. And I just write it on a
9:45
notebook. Just, you know, just a, a
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scripture and a prayer for the people.
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And I take a picture in the morning, I send it to all the
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Christians in the secular program and and they're like,
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oh, Roseanne, this is so amazing.
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Keep going. And so I had thought I was
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writing a 90 day devotional and I would talk the guy into doing
10:11
a Christian division, but that never happened.
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First, I lost inspiration at 84 days.
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So 12 weeks, what do you know? That's like a biblical number,
10:21
right? The 12.
10:23
And yeah, so my devotional started out with helping people
10:31
quit drinking. I ended up updating that for all
10:35
life interfering thoughts, emotions and behaviors because I
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met the medical director of the American Association of
10:44
Christian Counselors and at a conference.
10:49
And he's like, Roseanne, what you were doing is applicable to
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everything. It's not just drinking.
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And I go, well, I kind of have a sense of that, but I wouldn't
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want to, you know, you know, kind of do that without
11:04
collaboration. So, you know, he collaborated
11:07
with me and that's where the behaviorals and the thoughts,
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emotions and behaviors came from.
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So it's been a fun, fun, fun ride.
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I can't even explain what happens when people see the
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science back up God's word. It gives people hope because as
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you might know, Wesley, we, we think we're stuck.
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That's just the way I am. It's just the way I am.
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But if it's not in in line with, you know what God says and what
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you're capable of, then you're not stuck, you know, You just
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have to participate a little bit differently.
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Yeah, there's a change is always possible and but it's just hard
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and it takes a little bit of work.
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And so, you know, for the people that are out there that
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genuinely want to change, but they keep finding themselves
12:03
stuck in the same patterns, from your experience, why does that
12:08
happen? Well, believe it or not, that is
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part of the process of transformation is is being stuck
12:21
for a little bit. That's actually I, I didn't
12:23
mention this book is called Prepare to quit and I, I'm just
12:28
going to divert and then come back to your question.
12:31
I wrote this because I talked to so many people.
12:35
Some people were just ready to quit and some people weren't
12:39
ready. And I was like, what's the
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difference between somebody who's ready and not ready?
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And so I came up with a keys of, of readiness and when I gave it
12:52
to some psychologists to endorse.
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So like, I don't think you know what you've done, Rosie.
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This is called the trans theoretical model of change.
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I'm like, what? It's most of us that quit
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anything. We have many failed attempts.
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And the difference is whether or not Shame's involved, right?
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When Shame's involved and you go, I'm just a loser, I can't do
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anything, right? You know that That's not
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helpful, But when you start being aware, like we could apply
13:29
this to food or picking up our cell phone or, you know, a drug
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or alcohol, when you go, wait, what's happening?
13:40
Oh, every night I say just one. And it's not just one, right?
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Every night I black out. Every morning I wake up feeling
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sick to my stomach and hating myself for what I did.
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Well, if you just look at the facts of that, and then you
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start examining the fact over and over and over again without
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shame, you just look at what's happening, then you can just
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take reality for what it is, right?
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Wait, there's a pattern I don't like, and I really want to
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change it. But if you're blaming yourself
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and I can't do anything right, and I'm never, you know what I
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mean, there's a difference. And when we start looking at, I
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would say, well, the lies of this world, the lies of the
14:35
enemy, right? And that's why I like that
14:40
attractively packaged poison is that the world has told us that
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this is an amazing thing. And it's not an amazing thing,
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right? It's it's poison to our bodies.
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And the enemy wants us to hate ourselves.
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Well, that means that he's lying to you about your value and the
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light that you can show the world he's, he's hiding.
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It's not that the light isn't there, but he's creating a
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system of hiding it under a basket, which by the way, is
15:18
scriptural and, and not letting it shine.
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And then he wins because you can't share the light with other
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people, right? It's not that your salvation is
15:29
affected, but your ability to bring other people to Jesus is
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so. I, I think of the, the song I
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grew up at least learning, you know, this little light of mine,
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I'm going to let it shine. And that's to, to draw people
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in. A lot of people out there
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though, they're, they're struggling and they assume that
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their struggle is purely spiritual or purely behavioral.
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But you talk about the role of the mind and the brain, and I'm
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curious what are people missing when they don't understand the
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connection there? I think it's a matter of hope,
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because you know, Romans 12/2 talks about don't follow the
16:23
patterns of the world but renew your mind, right?
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But people stop there and there's there's the rest of
16:31
that. First, it says something to the
16:33
fact that by testing, you can know what is good and pleasing
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to God, right? By testing.
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And so I knew that verse right, You can renew your mind.
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Well, why isn't my mind being renewed?
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You know, I'm in scripture. I'm doing everything right and
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praying and praying and praying. But there's just something about
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the science that says you can change the way you think, you
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can change the physical structure of your brain if you
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do these things. That's kind of exciting.
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I might want to take a 12 week challenge if I can learn how to
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not pick up my cell phone, not hate myself everyday, right.
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And and that that's what I see as motivation people come in.
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I, I'm doing a beta test with the choose freedom program right
17:36
now. The choose freedom program is
17:37
for substances, but I'm trying to update it for thoughts,
17:41
emotions and behaviors. And I'm doing a beta test with
17:44
eight people and it's crazy fun to watch people.
17:50
They come in, they're good Christians, they love Jesus, but
17:54
something stopping them from experiencing everything.
17:59
But when I say I just want you to be obedient to these
18:03
processes, I want you to participate.
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And the processes are only the spiritual practices that God
18:11
asked us to do. It's not like, oh, Roseanne made
18:13
it up. It's pray, document gratitude,
18:20
meditate on his word and which is reflection.
18:25
So I have areas of gratitude, I have areas of scripture, I have
18:29
prayers, reflection. So all these things are going on
18:34
and the habit of being in the journal every day.
18:39
And the difference is not just reading, but doing.
18:45
You are committing to doing something for 84 consecutive
18:50
days. And so in this situation, a
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couple of people were just, they operated under fear, everything
19:03
was fear and they couldn't move forward.
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And So what we challenged them to do over 12 weeks is pick
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something, anything that they could commit to with their mouth
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very specific. I'm going to do this and this
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and this and make it achievable. It didn't matter how small it
19:25
was, but the practice was, I say it, I do it, I say it, I do it.
19:32
And so developing some integrity with your word and some
19:36
confidence and you know, and maybe with the, with some
19:41
something fearful, but it's just this practice of doing something
19:46
for 84 days. And, and that's different than
19:49
reading scripture, right? It's you know what, God, I'm
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going to, I'm going to follow along here and trust that you
19:56
have a plan for me and trust that you can transform me.
20:00
And like I said, it's super fun to watch that transformation
20:03
happen because they're doing. They're not reading, they're
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doing. Yeah.
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So when somebody is going through the program or they're,
20:14
you know, they're just starting out and they say, you know, I
20:18
keep returning to the same thoughts, the same habits over
20:22
and over again. That's a part of the growing
20:25
process, the healing process. But what's happening about
20:30
beneath the surface when they keep going back to that thing
20:34
over and over again? Well, now we're getting to the
20:39
balancing act of is it a trauma thing where you need
20:44
professional help or is it a Second Corinthians 1051 of the
20:50
one of the core concepts in the Choose Freedom program is called
20:55
to capture your thoughts. And and so I'll, I'll share the
21:00
scientific part of it, which works on most people.
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But if we're dealing with something with trauma, right,
21:07
maybe they need a higher level of care to really identify that.
21:12
But the science between the science of second Corinthians
21:17
10/5, which is capture your thoughts and make them obedient
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to Christ, right? So I'm unlovable.
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No, that's not true. I am lovable, right?
21:29
And switching the thoughts, well, the science behind that I,
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I, I'm a certified positive intelligence coach.
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When we can switch our thoughts from negative to positive again,
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we are making physical changes in our brain.
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We're, we're allowing the right side of our brain to process and
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light up and that right side deals with love, creativity and
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compassion. Oh my gosh, what does God want
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us to do? Right?
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Love, compassion, empathy, creativity.
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And so again, science supporting God's word.
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God says capture your thoughts and make them obedient to
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Christ. And the things that make us
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depressed and anxious are thoughts that are not in line
22:23
with God. Now, if you know that and if you
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know science is now justifying or, or supporting God's word,
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are you a little bit more excited to actually do the work
22:36
of capturing your thoughts? And that's why in the
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devotional, I'm just going to share the inside that we do the
22:42
gratitude. There's a, a place for gratitude
22:45
in there at the top because as you're putting aside something
22:51
toxic, whether it's a thought or a substance or behavior,
22:57
something's happening over the 84 days, right?
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And then you're going to write, oh, I just had a better
23:04
conversation with somebody. I'm more confident.
23:09
I'm more right. You're capturing truth about
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what it means to switch your thought process, to switch your
23:21
behaviors. And that's what's exciting and
23:25
that's the doing. And you get to document the
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doing the whole time and watch it, watch it happen.
23:32
So people get excited about, well, what's the next thing?
23:35
And I'll just share with you in this group and the beta group, I
23:41
had challenged myself to something.
23:42
I was picking up my cell phone and doing too many things on it
23:47
before I was done my time with God.
23:50
And then I was, I, I found myself my time with God going
23:53
like this because I'm like, oh, I got to do that e-mail.
23:56
I got to respond to that text. Let's post that in Facebook.
23:59
Let's check on this. And so I committed to no cell
24:06
phone until I'm done my time with God.
24:10
When I started, I was so angry, like an anxious, like I was mad,
24:16
mad, frustrated. I couldn't believe it.
24:20
And then, you know, my alarm is on my phone, so I have to pick
24:23
it up. And then I'd go automatically in
24:27
and I'd find myself responding to an e-mail.
24:30
I'm like, but eventually and I've got two weeks left.
24:35
Here's where I I landed on it because it's not complete
24:41
abstinence, because I have a phone that I rely on all day
24:45
long. I can't stop myself from picking
24:47
it up and checking. I could never say you can't, but
24:52
I haven't been able to. But what I realize is that I I'm
24:59
developing the self-control to say, you know what?
25:02
I have a consequence to that. I want to put it back down.
25:06
And that's so gratifying. And it's still like a huge
25:09
change because now I have a choice, which is why it's called
25:12
Choose Freedom, by the way. So I do.
25:15
I picked it up. I look, oh, there's a text.
25:18
Yeah, I'll do that after my time with.
25:22
I love that. And and that is just the
25:25
pattern. You know, there's the thought
25:26
patterns that we've talked about and you shared a little bit
25:29
about. And so when you think about
25:31
thought patterns, they obviously shape behaviors.
25:37
They can become really hard to break and like like picking up
25:42
your phone. That's a good example.
25:44
Why are they so hard to break you?
25:48
I mean, you would think it'd be very easy.
25:50
Oh, I'm just going to stop picking up my phone and boom,
25:52
you're done. But that doesn't work.
25:55
Physical structure, I, I would say the, the best example I can
25:59
give with that is you move to a new home or you have a new job,
26:04
right? And you have to figure out your
26:06
way back and forth to work and you're using your MapQuest or
26:10
your phone or whatever, and you're paying very close
26:13
attention to rights and lefts. But by a week or two, you can be
26:18
on the cell phone and you just get from point A to point B and
26:22
you don't even know how it happened, right?
26:24
So that's, that's the practicing part.
26:28
That's how our brains are structured, are unconscious or
26:32
subconscious minds or just little tape recorders and their
26:37
efficiency mechanisms that God designed.
26:42
And so if you practice good things like eating blueberries
26:47
instead of chocolate cake, that becomes a second nature.
26:53
If you practice drinking when you're stressed, that becomes
26:59
second nature. And so your unconscious mind,
27:04
just think about it as a tape recorder.
27:05
It's just recording repeated behaviors, and it's changing the
27:09
physical structure of your brain.
27:12
And what I explained with my cell phone, I was going there
27:16
without even knowing it. And then realizing as I started
27:19
to respond to an e-mail, like I committed not to do this.
27:25
I was just on autopilot, right? But when you know you're on
27:30
autopilot, you can take the shame out of it.
27:33
I could have shamed myself. Oh my gosh, I promised myself I
27:36
wouldn't do it, but I did it. But I realized how hard wired
27:42
that pattern had become. And again, take the shame out,
27:47
look at the facts, understand the wiring.
27:51
And the great news is, you can rewire.
27:54
You can renew, because God said it first.
27:59
Came in. So for somebody out there who
28:02
feels trapped, right, they've like, I've tried this before and
28:07
I've not had success. So they're just feeling trapped
28:09
in their negative thinking. In the emotional cycles, where
28:14
does the process for change actually begin?
28:19
And that's why I did the prepare to quit.
28:22
While it's for substances, it's applicable to everything but the
28:27
real I would say the best place to start is is to understand
28:35
what that pattern of behavior has cost you in your life,
28:43
right? How has it cost in
28:47
relationships? How has it cost you in mental
28:50
health? How has it cost you and your
28:55
relationship with your Heavenly Father?
28:58
How has it cost you and your productivity?
29:01
I mean, I it doesn't matter what pattern it is, but I always
29:06
default to drinking because it's the easiest one to see.
29:10
I, I mean, the time I spent drinking, the time I spent
29:14
recovering from drinking, and then the time I spent thinking
29:17
about how to quit drinking. That's a lot of time, right?
29:21
That if you can change that pattern, you are, you are
29:27
getting back a lot. So understanding what the
29:31
pattern of behavior has cost you relationships, health, mental
29:37
health, Heavenly Father, productivity.
29:42
Once you've identified that without shame, remember enemy,
29:46
put the enemy out here. You're just being, you know,
29:50
deceived by something. And we want to find truth.
29:53
This is a process of seeking truth.
29:57
So once we've identified that, let's flip the switch and go
30:03
what's possible if I have more productivity, better
30:06
relationships, better how? Less anxiety, less, that's
30:12
something to get excited about. And that's where we want to be
30:18
because we want something to be excited about.
30:22
So one, identify, 2, flip it. Three, find some accountability.
30:30
Speak it into the light. And in the book, I say, you
30:35
know, it doesn't matter if it's a spouse, a best friend, your
30:38
pastor, small group, wherever you feel like you can trust
30:42
somebody, share it. And because accountability, you
30:48
know, you having a conversation with yourself about quitting
30:51
something doesn't work. That's why Weight Watchers and
30:54
Jenny Craig are so good. It's it's not until I believe
30:59
you invest in yourself, whether it's counseling or a program or
31:04
and, and get some accountability in there that you're going to
31:10
succeed. At least that's for me.
31:11
There are people that said praise God, So this happened and
31:16
I never wanted it again. I praise God for you.
31:19
That was that's not me. 10 years like of wanting to quit and not
31:25
being able to but and now I still, you know, I still have
31:29
habits and I'm still trying to managed, but I'm like one at a
31:34
time. It's fun to see one at a time go
31:37
away and God's going to be working on me till the day I
31:40
die. So you know.
31:42
You know, it's, it's important that you have a community around
31:45
you. You know, I'm a part of this
31:46
amazing ministry called Celebrate Recovery.
31:48
It's a Christ centered 12 step recovery program.
31:51
And you know, the scripture says you, you're supposed to admit
31:55
the exact nature of your wrongs to another human being because
31:57
when you do that, it loses its power over you.
32:01
And so I just love that you, you, you brought that up and
32:05
you're working that into your, your program as well.
32:07
Because there's, there's so much power in, in vocalizing and
32:12
coming forward and saying, Hey, you know what?
32:14
I'm not OK, right. You're taking off the mask.
32:17
And that's why this show is called Unmasked is because when
32:20
you take off your mask and you admit, hey, I'm not OK, I'm
32:25
struggling with XY or Z, it begins to lose power over you
32:30
and you're able to start walking in freedom from it.
32:34
And you have accountability with another human being.
32:38
And so I challenge people all the time, stop, stop wearing
32:42
your mask. You know, it's so easy for us
32:45
today. People are like, hey, how you
32:46
doing? And our immediate answer is, I'm
32:49
fine, right? Or I'm, you know, I'm great, I'm
32:52
living the dream. Everything is perfect, you know?
32:54
But in reality, under the surface, that's the furthest
32:57
thing from the truth for most of us.
32:59
And Wesley, you hit on something that is really in my heart is
33:03
that none of us are fine, right? None of us.
33:08
And that's what I've learned through my walk.
33:10
It doesn't matter where you are if you're, you know, executive
33:14
president of company leader in the church, pastor, none of 0.
33:22
You're not human, right? It you're always a target.
33:26
The closer you are to God, the more of a target you are.
33:29
You hit on that is let's take off the mask and let's just all
33:33
agree we're not good. Like we're under attack all the
33:36
time and let's just do it. Let's put the belt of truth on
33:41
all together and and and fight the battle.
33:46
You know, and if you're out there and you're listening and
33:49
you are going through things like we've talked about where
33:52
you're struggling with things over and over and over again and
33:55
you're like, I keep going back to it.
33:57
I want to just encourage you part of recovery and part of, of
34:01
healing as as Roseanne shared, is sometimes it involves doing
34:07
it over and over again. But the key is, is that you
34:10
learn from each time you go back for it to it and you realize
34:14
what it was that triggered you to go back to that thing, what
34:17
it is that you learn from it. And then you can use that and
34:20
you can apply it to your life. And so the next time you're
34:23
like, Hey, I can see that trigger coming down the road.
34:27
And so now you can reposition yourself to be in a in a mindset
34:32
or in an environment where that trigger won't appear.
34:36
And so now you're further along down the road.
34:39
So it's OK if you stumble or you fall, but stumble forward, Don't
34:44
go backwards. Amen.
34:47
Amen, brother. Because that is it.
34:51
That's in inside the coaching. But that's why that awareness
34:54
piece is so important. You know, when I get home, I'm
34:59
stressed, I open the refrigerator door and I go.
35:03
That's going to relax me. So it's, you know, it's
35:07
identifying the lie that that's relaxing you and, and getting
35:11
home and, and dealing with the stress is the trigger, right.
35:15
So yeah, thank you for sharing that.
35:19
Well, let's take a quick break here and listeners, I want to
35:21
encourage you about change and things that cause change and can
35:27
help you. And I don't know about you, but
35:29
I'm already getting stuff from this episode.
35:31
So if you're getting something from this episode and you're
35:34
like, man, that was good. You know, hey, this person could
35:38
really benefit from it. Take a moment and send it to
35:41
him. Send this episode to him right
35:43
now and encourage them to give it a listen.
35:44
Because I tell you what, that's how change starts to happen is
35:49
when you share things with other people and they find something
35:52
that they may not have found otherwise.
35:55
So just take a moment and share it with them right now.
35:58
But Roseanne, I want to get back to our conversation here because
36:02
you talk about in your program, you choose freedom.
36:08
It's all designed to help people break free from life interfering
36:13
thoughts and behaviors. So what are you some of the most
36:16
common patterns that you see people struggling with today?
36:26
I wish there was a common one. They're they're everywhere.
36:31
But I would say that fear based pattern because we're, we're
36:36
always fearful for standing up. We're we're just always there's
36:41
so much peer pressure to fit in and let's just call it out in
36:46
the church, right? It was what we were just talking
36:48
about. We're Christian.
36:51
We're supposed to be following God's word.
36:53
We're supposed to be good and, and it it's not truth, but I, I
37:00
definitely would say fear because I see it in the beta
37:06
group. I see it how it played out in my
37:08
own life, you know, fear of speaking out, fear of not being
37:15
enough, fear of following God for the consequence.
37:22
Now it's funny because people look at me and go, how do you do
37:26
all this? It's and, and that's how I feel
37:30
is fearless, not of my own power, though, not of my own
37:35
power. It's just because I feel like
37:38
God has put the spirit of fearlessness in me to help other
37:46
people see him and and and abide in him because it's the it's a
37:54
much I've never been happier. I've never been healthier.
37:59
I've never been more productive and I quit drinking at 60 years
38:04
old, right. Look at three books, a program,
38:08
podcasting, and I used to be an accountant and a finance person.
38:13
What? Don't anybody ever think it's
38:17
too late to change? I'm a living example of of that.
38:23
God can transform. Yeah.
38:26
And I love that because, you know, I think as believers, we
38:30
get out there and we often think, you know what?
38:35
I've stumbled and that makes me less of a Christian.
38:38
And you know what? I just want to challenge that
38:40
thought process right now and remind you that, hey, you're a
38:43
broken person living in a broken world.
38:46
And that does not make you any less of a believer.
38:50
It makes you human. But the enemy, the enemy, the
38:55
devil, he doesn't want you to think that way.
38:58
He wants you to think that because you did this, you're
39:01
broken and you can't be saved, you can't be redeemed, you can't
39:04
be used by God. And that is the furthest thing
39:07
from the truth. And so challenge those thoughts
39:09
and take them captive and write them down and pray over them.
39:14
That's the best thing that you can do.
39:18
When you think about that, a lot of people, they really, they
39:21
just think that they need to try harder and they just, they rely
39:26
on willpower. And when they do that, they
39:29
might experience a little bit of change, but it doesn't last.
39:33
And so I want you to talk just a little bit about why willpower
39:38
doesn't last and lead to lasting change.
39:42
Well, willpower is self power, right?
39:44
And self power drains itself out pretty quickly.
39:47
So I can only hold my fist like this so, so much.
39:51
And you know, my favorite verse that speaks to that when it
39:55
comes to repeated behaviors or addictions is Galatians 5-1.
40:02
And that's This is why it was called Choose Freedom Program.
40:08
It is for freedom that Christ set us free.
40:12
Stand firm then, and do not burden yourself again against a
40:19
yoke of slavery. Stand firm, right?
40:23
And I call addiction habits psychological slavery, and so I
40:29
associate so much with that. Again, back to the alcohol.
40:33
But we can apply it to anything. I've I'm using the power of the
40:38
Holy Spirit because he's promised me something better.
40:41
God has a plan for me that's better.
40:44
I'm excited. And God's like, that's out of
40:48
your life. Jesus died for your sins.
40:50
You've got the Holy Spirit. Stand firm then and do not be
40:55
burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
40:59
And we all understand what, you know, if we've been involved
41:02
with addiction, what happens if we don't stand firm?
41:08
We go back to psychological slavery.
41:10
And And so I absolutely love that verse.
41:16
So what does real change and real sustainable transformation
41:23
look like when somebody is actually doing work the right
41:27
way? Oh, it's it, it's so exciting
41:33
really after I, when I watch, you know, people go through a 12
41:37
week program or you know, the devotional.
41:41
The lasting change is understanding the truth of God's
41:47
word and the truth of his promises.
41:50
And then again, if you're documenting, I'm sleeping
41:54
better, I have less anxiety, my relationships are better.
41:57
I love praising God. You know, that's exciting.
42:01
We don't want to give that up. And that awareness of I can
42:07
choose to drink again, I can choose to participate in that
42:11
behavior again, I can God. God doesn't force us.
42:15
He does not force us. We're not robots.
42:17
He gives us a choice and he begs us to choose him every day, all
42:23
day long, because there's consequences to not.
42:27
And based on where I've been and where I am now, I'm all in.
42:33
As much as I can, yeah. Amen.
42:36
Me too. You know, you emphasize helping
42:42
people change without shame or performance based faith.
42:47
Why is this so important, especially in Christian spaces?
42:53
Yeah, I it still happens today, of course, if people aren't
43:01
aware, you know, in the Bible when you're in a Bible study and
43:05
they're just like God's Word says this and and this is just
43:09
true. And you're like, well, what,
43:10
why? Why not me, right.
43:13
And again, it's that awareness of how God created our body and
43:19
that awareness that he has a better plan and that awareness
43:23
that his word is true and awareness, like what you said,
43:30
Wesley, that we're all fallen. It's OK.
43:34
That's why Jesus died on a cross for us so that we can wake up
43:40
every morning and say I'm sorry and and the slates wiped clean
43:46
and we're we're ready to start the day again.
43:52
It's just such a beautiful thing.
43:54
And if we could accept that gift of the cross and the forgiveness
44:02
and the reflection and the fact that He's going to hold us, our
44:05
hand, and bring us through transformation, we just need to
44:08
rely on His power and not us. I have a couple of questions now
44:14
that I want to ask you and I want you to just pretend like
44:18
this person is sitting directly across from you and you're just
44:20
having a conversation with them. OK.
44:24
And so this person is coming to you and they feel like they have
44:27
just failed over and over again and they want to begin to
44:30
approach things differently, but they don't know how they but
44:34
they know that they want to do it with grace and set of
44:37
pressure. How would you tell that person
44:40
to do that? I'm sure you're the same way.
44:46
Just having compassion for where they are and going.
44:49
I get it. I understand.
44:53
It's OK at first telling them it's OK that you understand
44:59
people. It's such a relief.
45:02
And that's why the accountability and things like
45:05
Celebrate Recovery are so important.
45:07
That community that makes you feel not alone.
45:10
And again, we're talking of the coaching aspect right now is
45:15
focused on substances for me, but understanding that there's a
45:20
trigger and there is self medication going on.
45:24
And that was such a compassionate thing said to me
45:27
like you were using that for medicine.
45:32
It takes the shame away to realize you're just medicating
45:38
yourself because of the pain. And but there's a different way
45:44
because this medication pattern is toxic.
45:48
And let's try it a different way.
45:51
And again, I'm not going to tell them you have to go into this
45:55
program now because I believe there's a process for getting
45:59
there. And the process is you don't
46:02
have to quit today, but let's start developing some awareness
46:06
of what this thing is costing you.
46:10
And let's start developing some excitement about what God's plan
46:15
for you could be. And, and when we're ready, let's
46:20
go. I'll be here.
46:22
I'll let you through it, right? And so that's how I would take
46:26
somebody through. That's awesome, Yeah.
46:30
What do you think that most people misunderstand the most
46:34
about how real transformation actually happens?
46:41
That's a interesting question. I would say, and I'm going to,
46:49
I'm going to throw this back at you because this is a guess on
46:52
my part, but I think most people believe the transformation
46:57
happens by just doing it, just do it, just do it.
47:03
But it's not how it happens to me.
47:09
The biggest revelation in this process was understanding there
47:17
is a real spiritual battle going on in this world.
47:22
There is a real enemy that's trying to take you down, drag
47:26
you away and and stomp on you. And he doesn't do it, you know,
47:33
in terms of addiction and habits and patterns.
47:36
He doesn't do it all in one day. He just tempt you a little bit
47:41
here and a little bit there and a little bit there and then, you
47:44
know, he knows that if you practice it, you're going to
47:47
become a slave to it. So I think, I think the, you
47:55
know, the misunderstanding is just do it.
47:59
And that's what we talked about in scripture.
48:01
Just do it. Just believe it.
48:02
Just no. There's, there's a process.
48:05
There's the another core concept for the Truth Freedom program is
48:11
the full Armor of God. Now that's a nice concept.
48:17
However, I go through each piece and the first piece of the armor
48:22
of God is a belt of truth. And you know that that's the
48:29
first place we have to start when we're battling addictions
48:33
and habits. We have to start with the truth
48:37
of what it's costing us. So that's the belt, right?
48:41
We want to start with the truth, but we can have head knowledge
48:44
of truth, but until it's transferred to here, it's not,
48:49
it doesn't work. So the breastplate of
48:53
righteousness, right? This breastplate is going, it's
48:57
protecting this area, this heart.
49:00
And in this battle analogy, the belt and the breastplates are
49:05
actually attached to one another.
49:07
And if one's loose falls off, right?
49:10
And so I just love this armor thing that kind of says this is
49:17
how you battle, right? Truth.
49:21
It's embedded in your heart, the sword of the spirit, the word of
49:24
God. There's all these pieces that
49:27
are that are going together. And before I understood the
49:31
pieces, it was just this generic, yeah, put on the armor
49:35
of God, like, OK, sure sounds nice.
49:40
How do I do that? And and so it's just going that
49:44
step deeper and understanding what it is and knowing it
49:49
happens to coincide with scientific principles of how you
49:54
change mindset. That's helpful too.
49:57
Yeah, I would agree with that. You know, the biggest thing that
49:59
they misunderstand is, you know, they go in and they think that
50:03
it's going to be an overnight process.
50:05
They're going to come in and they're going to say, OK, this
50:07
is my issue. And then they're going to wake
50:08
up the next day and it's all going to be fixed.
50:11
But it's like you said, you the first step is admitting that you
50:15
have a problem and admitting it here, not here.
50:20
And that's, that's two different things.
50:23
And then once you do that, now you can begin your journey of
50:27
transformation. But that's not an overnight
50:30
thing. That's a road that you have to
50:32
travel with several steps in the process.
50:34
And that's why programs that are out there are 12 step programs,
50:38
not one step programs, because transfer transformation is a, is
50:44
a process that takes time and it's not something that you can
50:48
just do overnight. So sitting down and saying them,
50:51
I had this problem and saying a quick prayer and saying, OK, God
50:54
take it away and that and you know, it's, you're no longer
50:58
going to struggle with it is not necessarily how it's going to
51:02
happen. Now it does happen for some
51:05
people. I'm not going to say, I'm not
51:08
going to say it doesn't. But for the majority of us, it
51:12
is a long road of transformation.
51:14
And so if you're out there and you're like, I just wanted to be
51:17
quick, well, I'm sorry, buckle up because that's not going to
51:20
be the case most likely. One of the things that I have
51:25
learned, it took me about five years to come to this
51:27
realization, and I wonder if you have as well.
51:32
But you know, as I continue to work on things, it's like, oh, I
51:39
get it. God wants me to work on the
51:41
fruit of the Spirit called self-control.
51:45
And you know, that's it, right? Because you don't think you have
51:49
self-control. And, and of course, that's what
51:51
I learned with my cell phone. I can have self-control.
51:55
I didn't think I could before because I wasn't aware.
51:59
I mean, this whole thing is exactly how I explained it,
52:02
right? This I wasn't aware, pick up,
52:06
pick up, pick up. I wasn't aware how deeply
52:08
ingrained it is. But when I did it and I followed
52:13
step by step with God, I recognized I'm still picking
52:18
them up. But I have self-control.
52:21
Yeah. In fact, I don't know.
52:23
Have you ever thought about that?
52:24
It took me 5 years. I don't know that I had thought
52:28
about it exactly like that, but there's so much truth to that.
52:31
So now, why now you have me thinking something else.
52:34
So now I got. Now I have something to chew on.
52:38
Yeah, well. God's always revealing new
52:40
things, right? He is, and sometimes it comes
52:43
from places that you don't expect.
52:45
Yeah. Well, Roseanne, I have one last
52:48
question for you. Where can people find you online
52:51
to find out more about you? And where can they find your
52:53
books? Yeah, I have so many resources
52:58
at www.choosefreedom.todaychoosefreedom.todaytheresblogs.
53:05
There's free resources, there's books, there's the Choose
53:10
Freedom program, there's coaches.
53:12
Awesome. Well if you are looking for that
53:15
and you're like what was that website address?
53:17
Just check the show notes. I'll leave that down.
53:19
The show notes make it easy for you to be able to find that.
53:23
Well, Roseanne, one of the things that I love to do on this
53:25
episode, I love to leave my listeners with an action step,
53:29
something that they can take today to better themselves, to
53:32
better their faith, to better their recovery journey.
53:36
And so for somebody that's out there right now and they're,
53:39
they feel stuck in a cycle that they can't seem to break,
53:42
whether it be a habit, a thought pattern or emotional response.
53:46
What is 1 practical step that they can take this week to begin
53:50
moving towards real freedom? I would like to challenge people
53:56
to start writing down 10 things they're grateful for every day,
54:01
because everything good comes from God and we're supposed to
54:08
look up in gratitude. And oh, by the way, the science
54:12
supports the fact that we will look at the glass half full
54:17
versus half empty by just the practice of gratitude.
54:22
So, you know, it can be things that are simple like God's word,
54:30
eyes to see, ears to hear, legs to walk, coffee.
54:37
And this winter I was so cold. IA warm house, a soft blanket.
54:43
When we just start realizing and then we compare it to the
54:47
suffering in the world, it just shifts.
54:52
It just shifts. And I'd say that's a it's a
54:55
great practice for people. I love that.
55:00
Well, there you go. Practice doing that.
55:02
Well, Roseanne, thank you so much for joining us today on
55:05
Unmasked and sharing your experiences and your story with
55:09
us. Thank you so much for having me.
55:12
It was a wonderful, wonderful experience.
55:15
It's my pleasure. Thank you for listening to us
55:23
today here on Unmask and a huge thanks again to Roseanne Forte
55:27
for being our guest and sharing so openly and honestly.
55:31
If something in this episode spoke to you, don't let it stop
55:33
with you. Share it with the one person
55:35
that God put on your heart while you were listening because you
55:38
never know whose breakthrough might start with just a simple
55:41
message from you. If you want more encouragement,
55:44
you want to work with me one-on-one, or you're interested
55:47
in having me speak at your church or event, you can find
55:49
everythingyouneed@wesleyfarnsworth.com. And make sure you join the
55:53
Unmasked community by connecting with me on social media so that
55:57
we can keep walking this journey together.
56:00
Until next time, remember that grace is greater than your past,
56:04
and real freedom begins the moment that you choose to live
56:08
unmasked. God bless you.