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Mental Health With A Dash Of Humor with Frank King | The Eye Believe Podcast · The Eye Believe Podcast

• 0:03
  hey everyone
• 0:03
  welcome back to the Eye Believe Podcast
• 0:05
  I'm Megan and I am here with Frank King
• 0:07
  the mental health comedian
• 0:08
  welcome you know
• 0:10
  we should let them know that I'm not here voluntarily
• 0:12
  that it's all part of a plea bargain arrangement
• 0:13
  we should probably tell hahaha
• 0:15
  oh do tell yes
• 0:17
  I've got an ankle bracelet
• 0:19
  I can't go far so
• 0:21
  well we're thrilled about that
• 0:22
  and we're so happy to have you
• 0:24
  so tell us a little bit about your backstory
• 0:27
  you used to write for Jay Leno
• 0:29
  you've been on the road for I
• 0:30
  tell me how many days again
• 0:31
  I already forgot how many days
• 0:33
  uh mid 80s to mid 90s
• 0:34
  my lovely wife and I were on the road
• 0:36
  she just came along for the ride
• 0:37
  doing comedy clubs for 2,629 nights in a row
• 0:41
  oh my gosh
• 0:42
  okay so back us up into
• 0:46
  where did you come from how did you get into this
• 0:48
  like give a
• 0:49
  give us the backstory well
• 0:51
  fourth grade 9 years old
• 0:53
  told a joke kids laughed
• 0:55
  teacher was hysterical she was so hysterical
• 0:57
  she had to excuse herself to go to the teacher's lounge
• 1:00
  and I thought I'm gonna be a comedian
• 1:03
  and 12th grade
• 1:05
  they always had a talent show second semester
• 1:07
  you know the spring semester
• 1:09
  nobody ever done stand up
• 1:10
  so I thought well
• 1:11
  I'll do stand up
• 1:12
  because I've been in drama for three years
• 1:14
  never got a speaking part
• 1:15
  and I thought you know what
• 1:16
  if I do stand up I can write
• 1:18
  direct produce and star in my own show every night
• 1:20
  so I did stand up and I won
• 1:22
  of course I beat the accordion player and the
• 1:24
  you know the folk dancer
• 1:25
  no big big victory
• 1:27
  but still a victory
• 1:28
  said to my mom I'm going to LA to be a comedian
• 1:30
  she goes no no no
• 1:31
  you're going to college first
• 1:32
  she was big on education
• 1:35
  I don't care what you do when you get done son
• 1:37
  you can be a goat herder for all I care
• 1:39
  but you're gonna be a goat herder with a college degree
• 1:42
  so I went to UNC Chapel Hill
• 1:44
  I got a couple of college degrees
• 1:45
  and bolted for the West Coast April 1st
• 1:48
  April Fool's Day not by accident
• 1:50
  first open mic night halfway through my five minutes
• 1:52
  I heard a voice inside my head that said
• 1:55
  you're home
• 1:57
  really 18 months later I yeah
• 1:59
  I said to myself I'm gonna
• 2:01
  I'm gonna do it for a living
• 2:02
  eighteen months later
• 2:02
  I said to my girlfriend at the time
• 2:04
  my wife now of 38 years
• 2:06
  I'm going on the road to be a stand up comic
• 2:08
  you wanna come along with the ride
• 2:10
  figuring she'd go oh
• 2:11
  hell no
• 2:12
  she goes yeah
• 2:14
  so we gave up the apartment and our jobs
• 2:15
  and jumped into my t tiny little Dodge Colt
• 2:18
  and we were on the road 2,629 nights
• 2:22
  and worked with open for shared the stage with Seinfeld
• 2:25
  Jeff Foxworthy Ellen Rosie
• 2:29
  Steve Harvey opened up for Randy Travis
• 2:31
  The Beach Boys the 5th Dimension
• 2:33
  Neil Sedaka it was
• 2:34
  it was a it was a great oh
• 2:36
  Lou Rawls two shows
• 2:38
  Hotel Hotel
• 2:40
  Hotel Del
• 2:41
  in San Diego New Year's Eve
• 2:43
  you'll never find another Love Like Mine
• 2:46
  so it was an adventure which I wouldn't uh
• 2:48
  trade and then I did some radio about 18 months
• 2:52
  two kinds of people in radio
• 2:53
  Megan people have been fired
• 2:55
  people are gonna be fired
• 2:56
  and sure enough
• 2:58
  and so the road was sort of disappearing at that point
• 3:01
  but my act was clean so I thought
• 3:02
  I'll do corporate comedy after dinner
• 3:04
  after lunch so I did that for about 10 years
• 3:06
  then the recession hit in the 0 8
• 3:10
  0 9 0 10
• 3:11
  0 10 8
• 3:12
  9 10 and um
• 3:14
  we lost everything in a Chapter 7 bankruptcy
• 3:16
  and that's when I Learned
• 3:17
  what the barrel of my gun tasted like
• 3:19
  um spoiler alert
• 3:20
  I did not pull the trigger
• 3:23
  a friend of mine came up after a keynote last year
• 3:24
  he never heard me say that I didn't pull the trigger
• 3:27
  he goes hey man
• 3:28
  how come you didn't pull the trigger
• 3:29
  I go hey man
• 3:30
  could you try to sound slightly less disappointed
• 3:34
  so yeah
• 3:35
  when speaking came back corporate comedy came back
• 3:40
  the meeting planner speaker bureau
• 3:41
  said to me you know
• 3:42
  we love you Frank
• 3:43
  we can't pay you five grand anymore just to be funny
• 3:45
  you gotta teach them something
• 3:47
  I'd always wanted to do that
• 3:48
  just had no idea what so a friend of mine wrote a book
• 3:52
  her name is Judy Carter C a R t E R
• 3:54
  she wrote a book called The Message of You
• 3:56
  Turn Your Life Into a Money Making Speaking Career
• 4:00
  she gave me a copy so Frank
• 4:01
  read it you'll figure it out
• 4:03
  I went into it thinking I got nothing
• 4:05
  halfway through I thought
• 4:06
  wait a minute
• 4:08
  um depression
• 4:09
  suicide run in my family my grandmother
• 4:11
  my great aunt my mother me
• 4:14
  I have two mental illnesses and near suicide
• 4:17
  and I thought and
• 4:18
  and more nuts in my family than in a squirrel turd
• 4:21
  and I thought I could speak on suicide prevention
• 4:24
  if I got some training you know certifications
• 4:27
  which I did and then my next thought was
• 4:28
  well yeah
• 4:29
  but who's gonna take me seriously
• 4:30
  after two and a half decades of comedy
• 4:32
  so my wife suggested do a Ted X
• 4:35
  and I said what's a Ted X
• 4:37
  and I just happened to get an application that week
• 4:39
  from one in Canada I sent it in
• 4:41
  I got it did my first Ted X
• 4:43
  two more called and said
• 4:44
  do you have any more mental health topics
• 4:47
  yes I just did my 13th last April and booked my 14th
• 4:51
  all have some element of mental health
• 4:53
  mental illness suicide prevention in them
• 4:56
  and so I've been speaking on suicide prevention since
• 5:00
  I guess 2,012
• 5:02
  and I also coach speakers on how to make money speaking
• 5:05
  how to land a Ted X
• 5:07
  since I've got 13 of them
• 5:09
  and so that that's my two businesses
• 5:12
  I guess speaking and then speak speaker coaching
• 5:15
  that's amazing like
• 5:17
  what a story
• 5:18
  and it's incredible that you're able to take something
• 5:22
  like mental illness that is so serious
• 5:24
  and a lot of people are afraid to talk about it
• 5:27
  oh yes
• 5:27
  and you're able to bring humor into it
• 5:29
  what's that like and what
• 5:30
  what do the audiences respond when they hear you
• 5:33
  are they at first a little bit like oh
• 5:35
  where is he going with this
• 5:36
  or how what's it like
• 5:38
  well it's the one
• 5:39
  it's a thing that generally gets me booked over
• 5:41
  say a clinician
• 5:43
  is the fact that I can lighten it up a little bit
• 5:45
  they call it Comic Relief for a reason
• 5:48
  and I don't tell jokes I have funny personal anecdotes
• 5:50
  like the one you know
• 5:51
  spoiler alert I didn't pull the trigger
• 5:54
  and they there's a nervous laugh generally
• 5:56
  and I go look
• 5:57
  it's okay to laugh that was the point
• 5:58
  and then I tell the story
• 5:59
  about the guy who came up after my speech hey
• 6:02
  how come you didn't pull the trigger
• 6:03
  bigger laugh so
• 6:05
  it makes the material a lot easier to digest
• 6:09
  and more memorable I guess
• 6:13
  and I believe and Brene Brown said
• 6:16
  it that being vulnerable on stage is a superpower
• 6:20
  so I'm up there talking about my mental illness
• 6:23
  near suicide as a man
• 6:24
  men don't generally talk about those things
• 6:27
  so that gives the audience permission
• 6:29
  to give voice to their feelings and experiences
• 6:31
  and at the end I say
• 6:33
  we're going to do some general Q&A
• 6:35
  and then if you got a question you want to ask
• 6:37
  or a story you want to tell
• 6:38
  and you don't want to do it in front of everybody
• 6:40
  I'll hang out an extra 30
• 6:41
  45 minutes take them individually
• 6:43
  and there's always a line
• 6:44
  sometimes two people sometimes 10
• 6:46
  but always a line and most of their
• 6:49
  you know what they got to say starts with
• 6:51
  I've never told anybody this
• 6:53
  yeah I get that a lot'cause
• 6:54
  you know people don't talk about it
• 6:56
  in my first Tedx talk I said
• 6:57
  you know or
• 6:58
  as I was preparing for the first Tedx
• 7:00
  I realized
• 7:01
  even though one person at the time died by suicide
• 7:04
  every 11 minutes in the US
• 7:06
  hardly anybody talked about it unless you brought it up
• 7:08
  and then almost everybody has a story of some kind
• 7:11
  so it's it's
• 7:12
  that's my job really
• 7:13
  is to go in and start the conversation on suicide
• 7:16
  because once you start it
• 7:17
  then people feel comfortable sharing talking about it
• 7:21
  yeah and I mean
• 7:22
  that's such an important first step
• 7:24
  cause once you talk about it
• 7:26
  then you can normalize it
• 7:28
  you can get help for the people that need it
• 7:31
  do you find that that conversation
• 7:34
  has LED people to come back to you
• 7:36
  and say you know
• 7:38
  this is how this affected me
• 7:39
  like do you hear the stories in the end
• 7:41
  uh sometimes
• 7:42
  um I spoke
• 7:43
  I have I have two mental health issues
• 7:46
  one is um
• 7:47
  general um
• 7:49
  major depressive disorder
• 7:50
  relatively common you know
• 7:52
  depression kind of garden variety
• 7:54
  and then I have something else
• 7:55
  called chronic suicidal ideation
• 7:57
  which is rare
• 7:59
  chronic suicidal ideation means
• 8:01
  for me and people in my tribe
• 8:02
  the option of suicide is always on the menu
• 8:03
  as a solution for problems large and small
• 8:06
  and so I tell the audience when I say small
• 8:08
  my car broke down a couple years ago
• 8:10
  I had three thoughts unbidden
• 8:11
  1 get it fixed 2 buy a new
• 8:13
  and 3 hell
• 8:13
  I could just kill myself
• 8:16
  almost every time I speak
• 8:17
  there's somebody in the audience who has that
• 8:19
  they don't know it has a name
• 8:21
  they think they're just a freak and completely alone
• 8:24
  I had a dentist I was at a dental convention
• 8:27
  I spoke
• 8:28
  and as everybody's leaving the room
• 8:30
  pretty much everybody there's a woman walking toward me
• 8:32
  a dentist and she's crying
• 8:35
  and she gets up to me she's crying so hard
• 8:36
  she cannot speak
• 8:38
  so I said you have chronic suicidal ideation
• 8:41
  she nods yes
• 8:43
  you didn't know it had a name
• 8:44
  you just thought you're some kind of freak nod
• 8:46
  I said do you have a therapist back home
• 8:48
  nod yes
• 8:50
  I said well
• 8:50
  do me a favor when you get back home
• 8:51
  set an appointment
• 8:52
  tell the therapist everything you Learned today
• 8:54
  and for God's sakes tell him you googled it
• 8:56
  don't tell him you Learned it from a comedian
• 8:59
  and a week later I got an email
• 9:01
  Frank I think I was at that convention
• 9:03
  in large part simply to meet you
• 9:04
  you've changed my life
• 9:05
  and I cannot say that about a lot of people
• 9:07
  so occasionally somebody will write and say
• 9:10
  you know I did what
• 9:11
  I did something on a
• 9:13
  did two or three shows on a military base
• 9:14
  Fort Irwin in California
• 9:16
  it's a national army training center
• 9:18
  they had done an anonymous survey the year before
• 9:21
  asking about thoughts of suicide
• 9:23
  and 30% of the people on base admitted anonymously
• 9:28
  they had thoughts of suicide 30%
• 9:30
  so they brought me in
• 9:32
  and they had me do a couple of key notes
• 9:37
  and I love working military bases
• 9:38
  cause it was in a like a
• 9:40
  like a gymnasium and nobody was sitting down front
• 9:43
  well these people in the military
• 9:44
  so I said to the guy run the
• 9:47
  you know they're in the military
• 9:48
  order them to fill in up front
• 9:52
  so you know they were
• 9:54
  and uh
• 9:57
  and near the end of the last keynote
• 10:00
  a young man asked me
• 10:01
  do you think the army is doing enough for mental health
• 10:04
  I said well
• 10:04
  I can't speak for the army certainly
• 10:06
  but I can speak for Fort Irwin
• 10:08
  otherwise I wouldn't be here
• 10:09
  and uh
• 10:10
  I didn't know it but the general who
• 10:12
  the one star who ran the base
• 10:13
  had walked up behind me standing behind me
• 10:15
  holding a microphone I didn't know he's there
• 10:17
  I said soldier
• 10:18
  I'm here because Fort Urban gives a shit
• 10:21
  I turned I see the star in the middle of his chest
• 10:23
  cause that's where they put the star nowadays
• 10:25
  so
• 10:25
  you can't identify them from a distance and shoot them
• 10:28
  um and I turned back to the audience
• 10:29
  said anybody besides me poop your pants at that moment
• 10:33
  and the general stepped up and said into the microphone
• 10:36
  soldiers Frank King is correct
• 10:38
  Ford Irwin gives a shit
• 10:40
  oh that's so sweet
• 10:42
  yeah well
• 10:43
  you know it comes from the top
• 10:45
  so yep
• 10:46
  couple months later I got a DM on LinkedIn
• 10:48
  from the base psychologist that I'd met
• 10:50
  I did his podcast
• 10:52
  they said
• 10:52
  Frank had a soldier walk into my office this morning
• 10:54
  and flat out told me I'm depressed and suicidal
• 10:57
  and I'm here because Frank King said
• 10:58
  I had to tell somebody
• 11:00
  oh that's amazing
• 11:02
  yes I don't hear often
• 11:04
  but every now and then
• 11:05
  that's very cool
• 11:06
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• 11:24
  Frank one of the things that you also talk about
• 11:26
  is recognizing the signs and symptoms
• 11:28
  of somebody who might be having depression
• 11:30
  or suicidal behavior if people are listening
• 11:33
  what are the those signs that they can look for
• 11:36
  that they maybe could intervene and help somebody
• 11:38
  or notice it in themselves
• 11:40
  good question and I get asked often
• 11:42
  how do I know somebody is depressed
• 11:44
  well I've got three things
• 11:46
  not an exhaustive list my top three one is actually
• 11:50
  is actually two parts
• 11:54
  they either eat too much or can't eat
• 11:55
  sleep too much or can't sleep
• 11:58
  second one is
• 11:59
  they have trouble getting out of bed in the morning
• 12:00
  so they're often late for work or school
• 12:03
  but rally in the afternoon
• 12:04
  like an entirely different person
• 12:06
  third one is something you can observe visually
• 12:09
  normally they're pretty well put together
• 12:11
  but last couple of weeks clothes are kind of dirty
• 12:13
  hair's not quite so clean
• 12:15
  it may be because they're having trouble
• 12:16
  getting out of bed in the morning
• 12:17
  to run a little wash and take a shower
• 12:20
  so the question comes up what do I say
• 12:22
  somebody who has either told me they're depressed
• 12:24
  or I think they're depressed
• 12:25
  here's what you don't say
• 12:26
  pull yourself up by your bootstraps
• 12:28
  turn that frown upside down
• 12:30
  my personal favorite have you tried fish oil
• 12:34
  at which point I go from suicidal to homicidal
• 12:38
  what you do say is look
• 12:39
  I'm here for you and I mean it
• 12:40
  I know you're not lazy crazy
• 12:42
  or self absorbed
• 12:43
  I know that depression is a mental illness
• 12:45
  here's the good news with time and treatment
• 12:47
  things will get better I'll take the time
• 12:48
  I'll help you get the treatment
• 12:50
  now here's the really hard part
• 12:51
  you have to ask him in no uncertain terms
• 12:54
  are you having thoughts of suicide
• 12:58
  just like that and I tell the audience look
• 13:00
  if you can't ask that question
• 13:01
  find somebody you can and if you can't find anybody
• 13:03
  call me I'll ask them
• 13:05
  oh there's an old
• 13:06
  there's an old urban legend
• 13:08
  that you should never mention the s word suicide
• 13:11
  in front of somebody who's depressed
• 13:12
  because it'll make them more likely
• 13:14
  when in fact the reverse is true
• 13:16
  mentioning it out loud makes them less likely
• 13:19
  to die by suicide
• 13:21
  so let's say you suspect they're suicidal
• 13:25
  but they don't admit it how would you know
• 13:28
  well they talk about death and dying a lot
• 13:30
  catch them googling death
• 13:31
  dying or how to die by suicide
• 13:33
  they're accumulating the means
• 13:36
  either buying a firearm or stockpiling medication
• 13:39
  they are getting their affairs in order
• 13:43
  especially if they're giving away prized possessions
• 13:46
  because they want to make sure
• 13:47
  the possessions go to the people
• 13:48
  they want them to go to when they're gone
• 13:51
  and here's one that's counter intuitive
• 13:53
  but very dangerous they've been depressed forever
• 13:55
  and now they're happy for really no apparent reason
• 13:59
  but you're happy cause they're happy
• 14:01
  the problem is
• 14:03
  they may be happy because they've chosen time
• 14:05
  place and method
• 14:06
  and they know the pain is about to come to an end
• 14:09
  because what a lot of people don't realize is suicide
• 14:13
  many people many
• 14:14
  many who died by suicide didn't want to kill themselves
• 14:17
  they simply wanted to end the pain
• 14:22
  so now
• 14:22
  let's say they admit they're having thoughts of suicide
• 14:26
  what what do you say
• 14:27
  you say do you have a plan
• 14:29
  if they say yes what is your plan
• 14:31
  if it's detailed time place and method
• 14:33
  you do your best
• 14:34
  to get them to a mental health facility
• 14:36
  simply for evaluation
• 14:37
  or at the very least on the phone or texting to 9 8 8
• 14:41
  the Suicide Prevention Lifeline
• 14:43
  now here's something I've never seen read
• 14:47
  heard in a class I took what if they got a plan
• 14:50
  but it's not real detailed
• 14:51
  it's kind of you know nebulous
• 14:53
  well what I would say is okay
• 14:55
  tell me you're gonna kill yourself
• 14:57
  if they said no I would say alright
• 14:59
  tell me why not
• 15:01
  make them give voice or whatever is keeping them here
• 15:03
  because something is keeping them here
• 15:06
  you wouldn't be having this conversation
• 15:07
  I bet that catches them by surprise too
• 15:09
  because you don't expect someone to say
• 15:11
  tell me no why not
• 15:12
  you expect them to give you all the reasons why you
• 15:15
  should stay yes
• 15:16
  so that I think that would kind of
• 15:18
  stop them in their tracks a little
• 15:19
  and make them like what
• 15:20
  that's the idea cause
• 15:21
  you know other people are saying
• 15:22
  you got so much to live for
• 15:23
  which by the way
• 15:24
  doesn't make any difference
• 15:25
  and if you have children by the way
• 15:26
  cause people ask me occasionally
• 15:29
  my son is depressed and suicidal
• 15:31
  I go here's the deal
• 15:33
  you need to join the conversation
• 15:34
  he's having in his head and here's what it sounds like
• 15:38
  they don't say you got so much to live for
• 15:41
  say to him look
• 15:42
  I know it's crossed your mind
• 15:44
  that your mom and I would be better off without you
• 15:47
  something called burdensomeness
• 15:48
  the world would be better off without me
• 15:51
  crossed your mind
• 15:51
  you mom and I would be better off without you
• 15:54
  and no uncertain terms
• 15:55
  would be ever be better off without you
• 15:57
  and it may have crossed your mind that you're a burden
• 16:00
  but in no uncertain terms
• 16:01
  are you a burden to your mom and me
• 16:03
  because
• 16:04
  that's the conversation they're having in their head
• 16:06
  and I I spoke in Vegas at a
• 16:08
  at a convention of speakers
• 16:10
  somehow I drifted into my suicide prevention
• 16:12
  I was talking about how to land and leverage a Ted X
• 16:15
  but all of mine are on mental health
• 16:16
  so I'm I sort of lapsed into my suicide prevention
• 16:19
  you know mental health comedian thing
• 16:21
  and a guy came up to me after the presentation
• 16:25
  and he mentioned his son and
• 16:27
  and thoughts of suicide so I told him
• 16:29
  I just told you and I guess a year later
• 16:33
  I was on a panel on zoom
• 16:34
  with the gentleman who threw that conference
• 16:37
  he was coming on after I so he was
• 16:40
  you know kind of in the shoot
• 16:41
  so we're all sitting both on the screen together
• 16:44
  and he goes Frank
• 16:44
  don't go anywhere yet I gotta tell you
• 16:47
  remember that nice young man that you spoke to
• 16:49
  whose son was depressed and suicidal said
• 16:51
  I had a conversation with him yesterday
• 16:52
  and he said
• 16:53
  I think Frank King may have saved my son's life
• 16:56
  so again
• 16:58
  that's the benefit of starting the conversation
• 17:02
  oh that's amazing
• 17:03
  well I'm so glad that you're doing this work
• 17:05
  and that you
• 17:06
  doing it in a way that it's approachable for people
• 17:10
  I think that's so important
• 17:11
  because people don't want to go listen to a seminar
• 17:14
  where they feel like they're gonna be lectured
• 17:16
  or it's gonna be creepy or it's gonna be dry
• 17:18
  and so to be able to bring humor into it
• 17:20
  and be an engaging speaker
• 17:22
  which you are that people actually wanna listen to
• 17:25
  I mean I
• 17:25
  I think this is definitely your calling
• 17:28
  and I'm so happy that you found it
• 17:30
  yeah
• 17:30
  I feel so like George Bailey in it's a wonderful life
• 17:32
  that movie
• 17:34
  yes because of the people who come up afterwards
• 17:36
  I feel like you know
• 17:37
  if I weren't there
• 17:38
  simply to tell my story and hear theirs that
• 17:40
  you know
• 17:42
  if I killed myself
• 17:43
  and they never had a chance to hear me
• 17:44
  or share their story I I
• 17:46
  you know in theory
• 17:47
  could take them with me when I went
• 17:49
  so I'm afraid I'm stuck
• 17:52
  I'm glad you're stuck thank you for being stuck with us
• 17:56
  and thank you for all you're doing
• 17:58
  this is this is really
• 17:59
  really wonderful and it's January
• 18:02
  so it's um
• 18:03
  you know mental health focus in January is huge
• 18:06
  I think the holidays are just hard for a lot of people
• 18:09
  for a lot of different reasons
• 18:11
  and then going into January
• 18:12
  we're coming out of it it's winter
• 18:14
  it's gray
• 18:15
  do you feel like it picks up this time of year
• 18:17
  no actually uh
• 18:18
  it's um
• 18:19
  you know oh really
• 18:20
  people think well
• 18:21
  I mean if you're
• 18:21
  if you're depressed and you're going to the holidays
• 18:24
  there are some risks involved
• 18:27
  but the suicide rate is not necessarily higher
• 18:29
  over the holidays than it is
• 18:30
  I think April
• 18:31
  suicide rates are highest in April
• 18:32
  for some strange reason
• 18:34
  interesting I know
• 18:36
  I have no idea why but there are additional pressures
• 18:40
  if you're depressed in the holidays
• 18:42
  it's the hap happiest time of the year
• 18:46
  you know you're expected to be happy
• 18:49
  you know you're with friends
• 18:50
  you're with family you know
• 18:52
  it's the hap happiest time of the year
• 18:55
  um joy to the world
• 18:58
  so there's a lot of pressure to be happy
• 19:02
  and to also to meet with you know and
• 19:05
  and dine with eat with
• 19:07
  open presents with family
• 19:10
  and so my advice is often look if if
• 19:12
  if all that's gonna stress you out
• 19:14
  you have the right to say
• 19:15
  look I
• 19:16
  I'll come see you uh
• 19:18
  another time this coming year
• 19:20
  it's just not a good time for me to be
• 19:23
  you know cause there's a lot of family dynamics
• 19:26
  you know there's a lot of arguing that goes on
• 19:29
  at the dinner table of Christmas and Thanksgiving
• 19:31
  you know your
• 19:32
  your wacky uncle who you know
• 19:33
  all of a sudden launches into something um
• 19:36
  so yeah
• 19:36
  so I it's a big stressor for a lot of people
• 19:38
  yeah so
• 19:39
  you know if it's gonna be
• 19:40
  if it's gonna be that stressful
• 19:41
  just say look I
• 19:42
  I'd love to spend time with you guys
• 19:43
  but I'll I'll
• 19:44
  I'll come sometime early next year um
• 19:47
  you know
• 19:49
  and then there's seasonal affective disorder
• 19:53
  some people are affected by the short days
• 19:55
  you know the clouds
• 19:56
  the rain I actually
• 19:57
  having lived in Southern California
• 19:59
  off and on for 11 years the sun depresses me
• 20:03
  I have reverse seasonal
• 20:05
  reverse seasonal uh
• 20:07
  effective disorder because I just
• 20:10
  I love short days rain
• 20:12
  cold wet
• 20:13
  and here's the thing in Oregon
• 20:15
  where we live sun comes up around 8 in the morning
• 20:17
  goes down at 4 in the afternoon
• 20:19
  if you're somebody who lives with depression
• 20:21
  and the sun goes down at 4
• 20:23
  it's socially acceptable to go to bed when it's dark
• 20:27
  so at 4:30 well
• 20:29
  it's dark I'm gonna go back to bed
• 20:31
  I'm gonna lie in there and watch the next season of uh
• 20:33
  the uh
• 20:34
  Snowpiercer whatever the
• 20:36
  whatever I'm watching on prime
• 20:39
  yep
• 20:41
  it's so it's funny you say that
• 20:42
  cause I'm from Phoenix originally
• 20:44
  and I lived in Southern California for a few years too
• 20:46
  and when you are in that constant state of sunshine
• 20:50
  you cherish clouds and rain is just like
• 20:53
  the biggest blessing like a
• 20:54
  a rainy day like
• 20:56
  you just you cancel all your plans
• 20:58
  you stay home and like
• 20:59
  watch it out the window and it's just like
• 21:01
  you treasure it
• 21:02
  so I completely understand what you're saying
• 21:04
  yeah so it's um
• 21:05
  and I I just
• 21:06
  I well in
• 21:07
  in Oregon we live in Oregon
• 21:09
  and my wife in the house my wife grew up in
• 21:13
  and the climate has changed
• 21:15
  we can argue about the reasons
• 21:16
  but the climate has changed
• 21:18
  my wife would tell you that
• 21:18
  when she was a kid here in Oregon
• 21:20
  back in the 60s and 70s that summer was a week in July
• 21:24
  and now it goes from Memorial Day way past Labor Day
• 21:27
  and now we have wildfires like they have in California
• 21:31
  yikes yep
• 21:32
  so we hold our breath
• 21:34
  from the middle of August to the middle of September
• 21:35
  we were evacuated a few years ago
• 21:38
  for two weeks
• 21:38
  and a fire came within a quarter mile of our house
• 21:41
  oh my goodness
• 21:42
  and so our philosophy is if it's raining
• 21:44
  it can't burn
• 21:47
  smart smart
• 21:48
  well so we love
• 21:49
  welcome the rain
• 21:50
  we love the middle of September till the middle of
• 21:52
  till Memorial Day cause it's
• 21:53
  you know nothing's gonna catch fire
• 21:55
  oh my goodness
• 21:55
  that would be so scary
• 21:57
  I did a Ted X
• 21:57
  the theme was climate change and environmentalism
• 22:01
  and she asked me to do it
• 22:02
  and I said well
• 22:03
  let me see if I can find a connection to mental health
• 22:05
  well
• 22:05
  turns out there's a connection there to mental health
• 22:08
  and that people who have well we
• 22:09
  we having been evacuated two weeks
• 22:11
  we are climate change refugees
• 22:13
  we've been forced from our homes
• 22:14
  because of the effects of climate change
• 22:17
  the fires and so
• 22:18
  there are people all over the country
• 22:19
  who've been forced from their homes flood
• 22:21
  fire you know hurricanes
• 22:23
  whatever and there's an anticipatory anxiety
• 22:28
  it's eco anxiety that you're worried that
• 22:32
  that something's gonna catch fire
• 22:33
  or the next Hurricane's coming through or
• 22:36
  and if you already have a mental illness
• 22:39
  it just makes it worse
• 22:41
  having that extra anxiety about the
• 22:43
  you know the
• 22:44
  the weather and fires and hurricanes
• 22:46
  and tornadoes and floods and so forth
• 22:49
  yeah oh absolutely
• 22:51
  and you know
• 22:52
  for us our base is mostly cancer patients
• 22:57
  or family and caretakers of cancer patients
• 22:59
  so we also have that element coming in
• 23:03
  they're constantly getting scans and worry and stress
• 23:06
  and so um
• 23:08
  similar to environmental but this is
• 23:10
  you know medical
• 23:10
  but I feel like
• 23:12
  probably somewhere in the same realm of that
• 23:15
  anticipating what's gonna happen and the
• 23:17
  the fear and the um
• 23:19
  even anticipatory grief of what's coming
• 23:22
  and caregivers I think um
• 23:24
  I've had several open heart surgeries
• 23:25
  and all all congenital
• 23:28
  all runs in my family my dad had
• 23:29
  dad had a bad heart valve
• 23:30
  I got it my mom had the cholesterol of a deep fat fryer
• 23:33
  um
• 23:35
  and and the mental illness
• 23:36
  uh so my wife
• 23:37
  when I was having heart surgery
• 23:38
  obviously she's the caretaker at that point
• 23:41
  and I realize how much harder it is on the caretaker
• 23:44
  than it is on the person in the hospital
• 23:45
  because in the hospital
• 23:46
  I have a whole team of folks round the clock while
• 23:48
  you know but as a caregiver
• 23:49
  you're just sitting at home worried and wondering and
• 23:52
  and I've got several of my coaching clients speaker
• 23:55
  coaching clients speak about caregiving
• 23:59
  and how hard it is
• 24:00
  on the people who are giving the care
• 24:03
  and as a matter of fact I always tell my students look
• 24:07
  a great way to start a speech or Tedx talk
• 24:09
  is with a startling statistic
• 24:12
  so one of her statistics is that 70% of people over 70
• 24:17
  who are in the role of a caregiver
• 24:20
  die before the person for whom they are giving care
• 24:25
  wow yep that is shocking
• 24:29
  and I imagine suicide rates higher too
• 24:32
  yeah I mean
• 24:33
  it's a it's a lot of stress
• 24:35
  a lot of anxiety a lot of pressure
• 24:37
  a lot of am I
• 24:38
  am I doing this right am I doing this enough
• 24:40
  and then you know
• 24:41
  you're putting yourself on the back burner
• 24:42
  you're not doing the self care
• 24:43
  and things that you need to do
• 24:45
  so I mean I
• 24:46
  I think there's multiple facets of why that would be
• 24:49
  yeah she says
• 24:50
  her thing is that she says you
• 24:52
  you know your heart tells you you should be doing this
• 24:55
  but you need to take that into consideration
• 24:59
  but you need to run that operation like a CEO
• 25:03
  a manager or CEO you know
• 25:05
  it needs to be run not like a business
• 25:08
  but you need to you can't
• 25:10
  you can't just be all heart
• 25:12
  you know it's got to be some head and
• 25:14
  you know you need to ask for help
• 25:17
  and you need to set limits
• 25:19
  and you know
• 25:20
  so you need run like a manager more than um
• 25:23
  just a relative a loved one that makes sense
• 25:57
  you've done a lot of the the Ted X talks yeah
• 26:00
  what is like
• 26:02
  one message
• 26:03
  that you wish every organization would take away
• 26:05
  what's like
• 26:06
  the one nugget that you want them all to have
• 26:09
  oh oh
• 26:10
  my nugget is that um
• 26:13
  you don't have to be a clinician to stop suicide
• 26:17
  anybody can you can make a difference
• 26:19
  you can save a life you can do it by doing something
• 26:21
  as simple as we're doing right here
• 26:22
  and that is having a conversation if you know how
• 26:24
  and we just taught everybody listening how
• 26:28
  that's fantastic I love that
• 26:30
  yes and if you're listening
• 26:32
  like Frank said reach out to somebody
• 26:35
  you can email us you can email Frank
• 26:37
  you can email you know the um
• 26:39
  what was the hotline that you mentioned before
• 26:41
  9 8 8 is the uh
• 26:43
  and they'd much rather hear from you
• 26:44
  before you're standing on the ledge
• 26:46
  I mean if you're circling in the
• 26:47
  you know if you're sort of spiraling downward
• 26:49
  call them
• 26:49
  before you end up on the ledge and about to jump
• 26:52
  definitely and we
• 26:53
  we would all love to be there for you
• 26:54
  or if if you need help with someone else
• 26:57
  yeah make
• 26:58
  make the call for sure
• 26:59
  reach out
• 26:59
  so for listeners
• 27:01
  who are fighting their own mental health battle
• 27:03
  right now
• 27:04
  any other parting words that you would say to them
• 27:07
  yes actually
• 27:08
  to their families
• 27:09
  there's an organization called Nami
• 27:11
  National Alliance on Mental Illness
• 27:13
  Nami Nami
• 27:16
  depending on where what part of the country you're in
• 27:19
  and they I was introduced to them by a friend of mine
• 27:22
  he was in the chamber of Commerce with me
• 27:25
  and he had a has a son who is schizoaffective
• 27:29
  and they were at their wit's end
• 27:31
  the family was crumbling the marriage was
• 27:33
  you know and Nami has a twelve week program
• 27:38
  once a week in the evening
• 27:40
  for people who have someone who has
• 27:43
  schizoaffective disorder in their family
• 27:45
  or depression or bipolar disorder
• 27:48
  so that saved the family saved the marriage
• 27:51
  you know that you
• 27:51
  you talk about what to say
• 27:53
  what not say what to do
• 27:54
  what not do
• 27:55
  so Nami has these classes
• 27:57
  in addition to family to family peer counseling
• 28:00
  so you take counseling with other families
• 28:02
  so you know
• 28:02
  you're not alone in the neighborhood with this problem
• 28:04
  and they have peer to peer counseling
• 28:06
  for the person who has the issue
• 28:08
  and the best thing about Nami
• 28:09
  is National Alliance on Mental Illness
• 28:11
  everything they do is free
• 28:14
  wow and there's a chapter in pretty much
• 28:16
  every county in the country
• 28:18
  so look up Nami National Alliance Mental Illness
• 28:21
  whatever county you're in
• 28:22
  and you'll probably find one
• 28:23
  either in that county or nearby
• 28:24
  that's amazing that
• 28:26
  that's a huge resource for sure
• 28:28
  alright so
• 28:28
  looking ahead Frank
• 28:30
  what is next for the mental health comedian
• 28:32
  what do you got cooking lunch
• 28:34
  oh I mean
• 28:34
  I'm sorry
• 28:35
  hahaha
• 28:39
  uh let's see
• 28:39
  well No. 14
• 28:40
  Ted X is this uh
• 28:42
  fall of 26 fall of this year
• 28:45
  um
• 28:47
  trying to get any else oh exciting
• 28:49
  well I
• 28:50
  I did my seventh bodybuilding contest in September
• 28:52
  I'll be doing my eighth this coming September
• 28:54
  wow that's amazing
• 28:56
  they have a masters category over sixty
• 29:00
  and I always wanted to do
• 29:01
  that was when I was a kid
• 29:02
  you know I bought the comic book
• 29:04
  with the Charles Atlas program in the back and
• 29:06
  you know guy kicked sand in the face
• 29:07
  you know but my my my
• 29:09
  I'm fine boned um
• 29:12
  I'm sure the results of a lot of southern inbreeding
• 29:14
  in my family and
• 29:17
  and so I thought this is no way
• 29:20
  and then in the last 10 years or so
• 29:23
  there are several federations that are
• 29:24
  what they call true natural bodybuilding
• 29:27
  they don't just ask you
• 29:28
  if you've been doing a performance enhancing substance
• 29:31
  before the contest the night before the contest
• 29:33
  day before they
• 29:34
  they polygraph you before the contest
• 29:36
  and how and they urine test you after
• 29:39
  so you cannot be doing so
• 29:41
  at least I've I've gotten a second
• 29:43
  a third a 4th and a 5th so far
• 29:46
  my goal is to
• 29:47
  my goal is actually to get a first in over 40
• 29:49
  and get a pro card
• 29:52
  wow I did a
• 29:53
  a natural contest for my first one
• 29:56
  where they just asked have you been doing steroids
• 29:58
  and I mean
• 29:59
  there were some huge human beings
• 30:02
  there's a woman standing next to me
• 30:04
  she has an Adam's apple the size of a Golden Delicious
• 30:06
  that can't be natural
• 30:09
  no so yeah
• 30:10
  so I'm I'm
• 30:11
  I'm in the bulking up phase of uh
• 30:14
  I bulk up to the middle of may
• 30:16
  and then I'll start cutting
• 30:17
  for the five months prior to the contest
• 30:19
  cutting my calories as I approach the uh the contest
• 30:25
  very cool I love that
• 30:26
  I think that's awesome and it
• 30:28
  you know it's
• 30:29
  it's great
• 30:29
  to go after something you've always wanted to do
• 30:32
  and I love that you're focusing on so much positivity
• 30:36
  and going after what you want and um
• 30:39
  you know I mean
• 30:40
  that's the goal for January right
• 30:42
  let's all focus on the good things and what we wanna do
• 30:45
  and get all our ducks in a row
• 30:47
  so yes
• 30:48
  and if I had a piece of advice
• 30:49
  would be that create a self care plan
• 30:52
  I have a self care plan whether you're neurotypical or
• 30:55
  or neurodiverse because
• 30:57
  because you know
• 30:58
  with the pandemic I had a lot of friends
• 31:00
  who've never been depressed before
• 31:01
  actually were depressed although they had no idea
• 31:03
  because they've never been depressed before
• 31:04
  they just didn't they knew it didn't feel right
• 31:07
  they would call me and tell me their symptoms
• 31:08
  well dude
• 31:10
  guess what welcome to the club
• 31:14
  so yeah
• 31:15
  because it's not one of those things you just know
• 31:17
  you are sometimes
• 31:18
  you know you
• 31:19
  you just don't know what's up
• 31:20
  and then someone tells you
• 31:21
  and you're like oh really
• 31:22
  oh yes
• 31:24
  and I said you know
• 31:25
  go see somebody get an evaluation and find out if it's
• 31:28
  you know if
• 31:29
  just garden variety depression
• 31:30
  if they suggest some medication
• 31:32
  it's not a life sentence
• 31:33
  just take it until the sun comes back up
• 31:36
  and then you taper off um
• 31:38
  so my self care plan this is what I teach
• 31:40
  when you do a speech you have learning objectives
• 31:43
  teach them how to spot the signs and symptoms
• 31:46
  and then you need to give them a takeaway
• 31:48
  an action item my action item is
• 31:50
  everybody needs a self care plan
• 31:51
  mine is diet I'm on the keto diet
• 31:54
  and occasionally I intermittent fast
• 31:56
  um exercise
• 31:58
  exercise every uh
• 31:59
  six days a week I got this apple fitness app
• 32:04
  uh and there's this unending
• 32:06
  you know the upper body
• 32:07
  lower body core
• 32:08
  and so it's a lot of fun I got during the pandemic
• 32:11
  we collected weights
• 32:12
  and I got a exercise bike and a treadmill'cause
• 32:14
  you know you couldn't go anywhere
• 32:15
  so six days a week
• 32:17
  so diet exercise
• 32:18
  good night sleep people discount a good night sleep
• 32:21
  yeah people give me a hard time
• 32:22
  because I'm in bed by between 6 and 6:30
• 32:24
  in the evening I'm up by one
• 32:27
  and they go why
• 32:28
  I go those are my one yes
• 32:30
  those are my circadian rhythm
• 32:31
  that's my rhythm and my eyes pop open at 1:00
• 32:34
  for years I fought it because I'm a comic
• 32:36
  how can I be a morning person
• 32:38
  I mean a radical morning person if I'm a comic
• 32:41
  finally gave in I just went to bed
• 32:43
  and my body said night night so
• 32:46
  and it it works
• 32:48
  so whatever your circadian rhythm
• 32:49
  you know you hear people say
• 32:51
  I can get by on three hours sleep
• 32:52
  oh dear god
• 32:54
  um it's just not good for you
• 32:56
  so diet
• 32:57
  exercise good night sleep
• 32:57
  meditation twice a day
• 32:59
  at least after a meal
• 33:00
  I have this thing called the catnapper
• 33:03
  it's an MP3 that's guided meditation
• 33:05
  takes you down
• 33:07
  and then at the end brings you back up
• 33:08
  you'll awake refreshed in 30 minutes
• 33:11
  and when the guy start I've been doing it so long
• 33:13
  when the guy starts talking I'll
• 33:16
  yeah yeah
• 33:17
  I'm a great subject you know
• 33:18
  they have go ahead
• 33:19
  they have so many studies about uh
• 33:22
  what meditation does for your brain long term
• 33:24
  like it's
• 33:25
  it's shocking it's amazing
• 33:26
  it's like back in the day
• 33:28
  back in the 90s with computers
• 33:29
  you remember this you call up uh
• 33:30
  tech support and they go
• 33:31
  have you unplugged it yet
• 33:33
  so you're you're sort of unplugging yourself
• 33:35
  and plugging yourself back in
• 33:36
  lowers your blood pressure
• 33:37
  lowers cortisol rates raises DHA
• 33:40
  you know oxytocin
• 33:41
  yes yeah
• 33:42
  so diet exercise
• 33:43
  good night sleep meditation
• 33:44
  and medication I take some medication
• 33:46
  uh not a large dose
• 33:47
  it was first thing my DOC suggested
• 33:50
  now here's the thing
• 33:51
  if you're taking the medication
• 33:52
  it's not working
• 33:54
  used to it was just okay
• 33:56
  you had to taper off try something else
• 33:57
  taper off try something else
• 33:58
  nowadays they've got a DNA cheek swab test
• 34:00
  couple hundred bucks oh
• 34:02
  they take your DNA on that Q tip
• 34:04
  and they try to match your um
• 34:07
  match you with a a drug that matches your metabolism
• 34:12
  so it shrinks the list of possible candidates
• 34:15
  generally to two or three that work
• 34:17
  would work really well with your metabolism
• 34:18
  so there's a lot less experimentation
• 34:20
  you know lab rat kind of stuff
• 34:22
  so if it hadn't worked I would have
• 34:24
  I would have you know
• 34:25
  done the cheek swabs in it and say okay
• 34:26
  now what's what are my choices
• 34:28
  yes so diet exercise
• 34:30
  good night sleep meditation
• 34:31
  medication is I think everybody should have a
• 34:33
  and here's the thing
• 34:35
  and I Learned this from one of my clients
• 34:36
  who is who lives with schizo effective disorder
• 34:39
  he said Frank yeah
• 34:40
  five things great
• 34:42
  you need a non negotiable one thing you do every day
• 34:45
  whether you do anything else or not
• 34:47
  his is journaling no matter what he does that day
• 34:49
  if he does zero else he journals
• 34:52
  so mine is working out if I do nothing
• 34:54
  get out of bed work
• 34:55
  out go back to bed
• 34:56
  fine so you have to have
• 34:57
  I believe
• 34:58
  should have one non negotiable that you're gonna do
• 35:00
  you know every day
• 35:02
  I love that this has been so educational and
• 35:05
  and helpful and honestly eye opening
• 35:07
  are there any other things that we haven't hit
• 35:09
  that you would like to talk about before we close out
• 35:12
  let's see hmm
• 35:13
  no but I can close it out for you
• 35:15
  like a comedian would you ready
• 35:17
  please do yes
• 35:18
  I would love that alright
• 35:20
  um if you enjoyed this podcast
• 35:22
  please rate review and subscribe and tell your friends
• 35:26
  if you did not enjoy this podcast
• 35:27
  well we hope you have no friends
• 35:31
  ha ha fantastic
• 35:33
  thank you Frank
• 35:34
  you're welcome and I will add we
• 35:37
  you know we're so thankful for Frank being here
• 35:39
  and just giving us all of this wisdom
• 35:41
  and just sharing your time with us
• 35:43
  we're truly grateful and to all of our viewers
• 35:45
  thank you for watching
• 35:46
  we obviously would not have a podcast without you
• 35:48
  whether you're watching on YouTube
• 35:50
  or listening on our other platforms
• 35:52
  thank you please subscribe
• 35:53
  please like leave us a comment
• 35:55
  and a huge huge thank you to our sponsors
• 35:57
  none of this happens without our sponsors
• 35:59
  so please check out their websites
• 36:00
  they're doing amazing things right now
• 36:03
  and then a little housekeeping
• 36:05
  we have big things coming up
• 36:06
  we have the 5 KS for the year
• 36:07
  please go to our website ACureInSight.org
• 36:10
  check out what 5 KS are coming up around you
• 36:13
  see if there's any you can make
• 36:15
  steps for sight is going right now
• 36:17
  if you have not signed up for steps for sight
• 36:19
  please do go to our website
• 36:21
  um ACureInSight.org
• 36:23
  you can find it there
• 36:23
  you can find it on our social media
• 36:25
  but it's actually going to be a charity footprints app
• 36:28
  you can download the app
• 36:29
  and that's what it will function through
• 36:31
  you can start a team
• 36:33
  you can join a team that's already starting
• 36:34
  you can do it individually
• 36:35
  but it's basically we're taking 7,000 steps every day
• 36:39
  for the 7,000 people diagnosed with ocular melanoma
• 36:42
  each year so if you can join us
• 36:45
  please do if you can't walk
• 36:46
  you have mobility issues that's okay
• 36:48
  there's other things on the list you can do
• 36:49
  to earn points um
• 36:51
  things like reading a book or doing you some cooking
• 36:54
  different things that are
• 36:55
  you know things we feel that are health and wellness
• 36:57
  see so please join steps for sight
• 36:59
  join us through January invite your friends and family
• 37:01
  it's not too late to join
• 37:03
  so even if it's the last day of January
• 37:05
  we'd rather have you with us one day than no days
• 37:07
  so please please join us
• 37:09
  and then um
• 37:10
  swing for sight is coming up in the spring
• 37:12
  stay tuned for all the information and dates
• 37:14
  about swing for sight
• 37:15
  that's a charity golf tournament in Napa
• 37:18
  yeah and it's so much fun
• 37:21
  that one is a blast we do a charity golf tournament
• 37:24
  and at the same time we do a wine tour
• 37:26
  where we take you on a bus to wineries in Napa
• 37:29
  so you can choose if you wanna golf
• 37:30
  or if you wanna wine tour
• 37:32
  so that's a ton of fun so watch for that
• 37:35
  and then what oh
• 37:36
  Hill Day
• 37:37
  Rare Disease Week is coming up the end of February
• 37:40
  so watch for that on our socials as well
• 37:42
  we're going to Capital Hill
• 37:43
  to advocate for rare disease funding
• 37:45
  so if you would like to join us
• 37:47
  either virtually or in person
• 37:48
  we will be there we would love to have you join us
• 37:51
  and yeah we just have a
• 37:52
  we got a lot of exciting things coming up
• 37:54
  so follow the socials check out the sponsors and um
• 37:59
  we hope that we see you guys next week
• 38:00
  so thank you for tuning in