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How to Navigate Change With More Clarity and Self-Trust · Business for Humans

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I'm Jamie Gennaro, business coach, consultant, and founder of Practica Consulting.
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In today's episode, I talk about navigating transitions without rushing into action.
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I share four steps, awareness, curiosity, trust, and action,
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and how slowing down, listening to yourself, and trusting what you discover
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can help you move through change with more clarity, intention, and confidence.
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I'm really excited about this four-part series that I've developed that I'm
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teaching at a yoga studio, which is really fun.
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So I'm experimenting with combining coaching and yoga, which is something I've
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been wanting to do for a while.
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I think it's kind of common sense. You can surmise how these things would work
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together, but it's really fun because I've developed this four-part month-long yoga workshop.
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But what I want to do is just keep evolving and growing these four.
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Themes, because I feel like, to me, it's the connection point and it's the starting
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point of a coaching journey, a transformation journey.
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There are these big milestones that happen in our lives. And when those milestones
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come, we have to leave a part of us behind in order to evolve into the next version,
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the path, the direction that we're going in.
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And these moments are often just jumped over, pushed through.
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The transition part is ignored just so that we can get to this next place.
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And we don't slow down enough to go, what is happening here?
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What is coming up for me? Where am I? Why is this happening?
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So I think midlife is kind of an interesting moment because a lot of things are happening at once.
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We're not necessarily happy with what's happening at work. We don't feel like it's purpose-led.
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We don't feel like our work matters, and that's important to us in midlife.
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We want to feel like we're going to be happy.
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What we're spending time doing has some kind of impression on the world in a positive way.
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We're not pulling resources, doing things that maybe are not going to benefit
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people or the world at large.
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So we're feeling this desire to be more purpose-led, more intentional,
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more aligned with the work that we're doing. And then we're up against co-workers
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or people who maybe are intimidated by what we bring.
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They're worried that we're going to take their jobs there are still lots of
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toxic co-workers there's still a lot of ego there's still a lot of the old style
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kind of patriarchal system there are all sorts of
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ceilings still that we haven't been able to break so there's that and then our
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tolerance for bullshit is way lower,
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like we just don't have tolerance for the way people treat each other, for drama,
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for all the things that might present at work.
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Like, we just don't have tolerance for that stuff anymore.
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So that's another factor. We're frustrated, but we're too tired to do anything
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about it. We feel scared that we can't leave the job. It's too big of a risk.
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There's too much at stake. Okay, so that's just the work situation.
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Then there are aging parents.
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That's a factor then there are kids that we're raising that are at various you
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know stages depending where you are in midlife,
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they may be going into adolescence or they may be leaving the home that presents
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a whole other level of things,
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relationships this low tolerance for bullshit factor really factors into relationships
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you start evolving out of friendships you start evolving, you know,
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in a different stage in marriages.
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Like, there's just so many layers to what's happening to us in this moment.
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Okay, so what does this have to do with this yoga workshop?
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I tried to boil it down into four of the things that I think we need to pay
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attention to as we enter these transition moments.
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This particular moment is a big one for me. I think it resonates with a lot
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of people that are in my ecosystem.
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We're entering this milestone. We need tools. We're not sure how to navigate it.
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And I think in general, transition is something to,
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see and recognize and understand and be in instead of trying to move through
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it really quickly because if you move through transition too quickly without
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slowing down you get to the other side of the transition
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and you may not be ready for what is waiting for you on the other side of it,
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and there is this need to understand what you're leaving behind in order to,
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have the momentum and excitement and inspiration to go into the transition because transitions are hard.
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There's always a challenge for us in the moment of transition,
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in that one moment where we're evolving and changing and letting go of things.
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And it's really hard. It can be really lonely. It feels like we're the only ones going through it.
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And I feel like these tools might help you at least slow down enough to be reflective
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and not jumping to conclusions like,
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this means something about you or this is what the rest of my life is going
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to look like or somehow this moment in time is a reflection of your entire future
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so i want to present kind of the four steps and then in each,
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subsequent week for the next four weeks i'm gonna deep dive a little bit more
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into each theme and it's a nice parallel with what i'm doing in this yoga workshop
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and helping me evolve these ideas.
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So the four themes are awareness, curiosity, trust, and action.
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And sometimes what we do is we try to bypass one of these steps in order to
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take action because action is what makes us feel like we are productive,
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we're not a failure, we're not lazy.
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We tend to jump right into action before taking any of these other steps.
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And I think in my coaching practice, this is the journey I lead people on because
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if I took them right into action, they might feel like they're getting a better
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return on investment because they're moving fast,
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but they won't be moving from the right intention.
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And in my strategic consulting work, it's the same thing.
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If I do any kind of marketing work with someone, it's the same thing.
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I always start with discovery. So if you've worked with me as a coach,
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you know that we spend some time up front in our relationship doing intake, doing discovery.
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I do this with all my clients. I do this with my consulting clients,
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with my coaching clients, with marketing level clients, everybody.
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I start with, let's just ask a bunch of questions.
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Let's understand the answers to these questions. Let's create a plan based on
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what insights have come from asking these questions.
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And then we'll build a plan. And then we'll keep aligning ourselves to that
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plan. And we'll shift and evolve as we need to. But at least we have some structure
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behind what we're doing before we start taking action.
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So my old mantra is measure twice, cut once, don't jump the shark.
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Just take your time, recognize when you're in a transition, and allow for it.
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So awareness. Awareness is exactly what it sounds like.
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It's just taking the time to notice.
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You don't have to change anything. You don't have to take action on it.
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You don't have to judge it. You don't even have to be curious about it yet.
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You just notice it. So this can happen in your brain.
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It can happen in your body. It can happen in your circumstances.
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So it's just about being more observant to what's happening without shutting it down.
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This means maybe you get away from your phone a little bit more.
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You get away from screens a little bit more. You take a little bit more time,
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to observe what's around you.
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So this is not, there's no pressure. There's no outcome. There's no goal.
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It's literally just noticing.
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And in meditation, they also say, just note it and then let it go.
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I like the metaphor of just put the thing on a cloud and let it go.
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There's nothing that you have to solve. There's no problem that you have to fix.
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You don't have to wonder how or why or what is happening.
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You just notice it. So I'll give you a good example, a body-led example.
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So I've had this thing in my right hip.
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Of course I'm you know I'm a yoga teacher now I've studied a lot of anatomy
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I'm trying to figure out what it is,
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but the first thing before I try to figure out what it is or try to fix it is
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just oh there's this thing,
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and what I'm also trying to be aware of is how long has it been there because
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we will have a little something going on in our bodies and we'll just try to move past it.
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I'm just going to ignore that it's there. It's fine. I'm just going to move
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past it. I'm just going to push through it.
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No big deal. Just going to ignore it until I can't ignore it anymore because it flares up.
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So I have been aware of this thing happening in my hip and now I'm tracking
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it. It's been about three weeks.
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So I could analyze that. I could try to solve it.
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I could try to take action but the first step of this is just huh there's this
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thing I'm not going to judge it doesn't mean I'm old it doesn't mean my hips
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are broken it doesn't mean like,
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I'm sitting too much like I don't have to make any conclusions or write any
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stories about it I'm just going to notice it.
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And then we move into curiosity. So the difference between curiosity and awareness
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is curiosity is where the questions start to come up.
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And again, there's no right answer or wrong answer. It's just interesting to ask the questions.
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It's interesting to investigate a step further.
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So I like to think of this curiosity period as it's a period of exploration.
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It's a period of listening, paying attention, and then continuing to ask the questions.
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There's no judgment. There's no outcome. There's no conclusion.
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There's no goal. There's no fixing. There's no taking action.
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It's just this is the research phase. This is when you ask all the questions.
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And I love curiosity because with curiosity, there's an openness.
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So if you think about people who are very rigid and they know everything and
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they've decided how things are going to be
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and they've decided to kind of like control their situations there's a rigidness
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there's an inflexibility,
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and i do think there's a lot of this is what this is what ages people right
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they're just like well i know they i know all the answers like i'm old and you don't know anything and,
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and there's no more sense of curiosity.
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There's no more sense of exploration.
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That openness gets closed down.
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And then that rigidity sets in.
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So curiosity is really just keeping it open, keeping it flexible.
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There's no decision. There's no right or wrong answer. It's just,
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let's just explore. Let's listen. Let's be attentive.
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Let's just ask all the questions. And there are so many great questions.
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I mean, I mean, I think that's what coaching is really about.
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It's about asking the questions that maybe you haven't asked yourself.
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And one of the simplest questions to ask is, why?
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I kind of love going down the road of, you might ask yourself, what is transition?
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And then you can just keep asking follow-up questions. Why?
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Why? Why that? Why this? Why that? And it just keeps opening up more questions.
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So it's that sort of yes and principle.
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If you're in an improv class with someone, as soon as you say no,
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the scene ends. There's nowhere to go.
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But if you say yes or if you say and, you continue the conversation.
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You continue the exploration and the fun, honestly, without stopping it at some conclusion.
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We're not making any conclusions. We're just curious and we're asking a lot
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of questions. I love curiosity. You can stay in that phase for a while and it
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should feel, yeah, it should feel open. It should feel interesting.
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So from awareness to curiosity and then trust.
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Before you can really take any action that's going to matter,
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you have to trust your learning you have to trust the answers to those questions
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you have to trust that your answers,
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are good enough right you don't have to be an astrophysicist and ask all the
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questions that are going to get you to exactly the right point in time and space
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of where you're supposed to be and what's supposed to happen.
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We are armed with our experience and what we know to be true,
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and every decision that we make, every action that we take from this place of
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awareness and curiosity, and then trusting ourselves means every decision is right.
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We have to trust that. We have to trust that every decision that we make at
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this moment, if we've done, if
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we've asked the questions, if we've stayed open to the answers, if we've
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noted and been aware of things, we have to trust that every decision is right.
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If you jump over the steps and you try to make a decision.
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And not with a lot of lists, not with like the pros and cons lists,
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but just literally with the awareness and the curiosity and then the trust in
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yourself, in your experience, in your own heart, in your own past decision making.
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And even if maybe you've made some bad decisions in the past,
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but again, they were all learnings.
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You can be open to the learnings. You can be curious about the why.
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Why did you do that? What was happening?
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What didn't you do what didn't you trust what didn't you listen to what didn't you follow.
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All those things right that's the curiosity piece and then you trust those answers,
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that you're giving to yourself so this isn't like trust the advice trust what
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people are telling you trust what society is telling you this is trust yourself,
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a thousand percent you have to trust your own answers and it's fine to elicit,
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or solicit advice it's great to have lots of conversations but at the end of the day,
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that decision and whatever's happening in your life the person it's going to affect the most is you,
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people come in and out of your day-to-day life they are not in your shoes experiencing
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every minute of your decisions right of your decisions led you here, you're in it now.
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And your next decisions are going to lead you somewhere else,
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and you're going to be in it. No one else is going to have to live the day-to-day
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of your life and live the day-to-day of your decisions.
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Only you are going to be in those shoes. So you need to trust yourself.
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And if you go through the awareness, allowing yourself to be aware of all the
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things going on, don't push it down, don't ignore it, don't hide it,
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don't run away from it, all the things.
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Be aware there's something happening, there's something going on,
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I'm aware of it, I'm not going to try to solve it. But there is something.
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Getting curious, asking questions, and then trusting your own answers.
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What is really going on? Trust it. So if you're having a feeling about something
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that's going on at your work, or in a relationship at home, or in your day-to-day life,
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you may first question, is this real? Okay, so let's talk about burnout.
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A lot of people in burnout don't allow themselves.
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They're aware of the fact that maybe they're working too much.
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Maybe they're getting some heart palpitations, anxiety. Maybe they're not sleeping that great.
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They're seeing the effects of stress, okay, awareness.
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And then they're curious, like, hmm, what's really going on here?
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And then they have to start trusting that what's happening to them is real.
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These feelings that are coming up are real. These potential health issues are real.
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They have to trust that this is really happening.
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It's not something they're making up.
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They know that there is something affecting them.
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And we hear a lot of stories about people that go to their doctor and their
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doctor sort of bypasses their complaints and says, no, no, nothing's wrong,
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nothing's wrong. And then they keep, they're like, no, trust me, trust me.
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This is happening. This is happening. And then they advocate for themselves.
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And then the doctor will be like, oh, yes, actually, there's this thing.
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So you have to trust yourself enough that when you get feedback from the outside
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and that feedback is trying to convince you that the thing is not real.
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So you might be going through burnout you go to your manager and your manager
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is like oh no that's normal just take take a week off you'll be fine,
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and maybe you're really feeling like there's a bigger impact here to my life
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than and a week is not going to solve for it right so just trusting that something is going on,
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and it's okay to ask the questions and to advocate for yourself right It's okay
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to start being in a place where you might want to make a decision.
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We're not taking action yet.
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But we're answering the questions that came up in the curiosity phase.
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We're really digging into them and we're really trusting our answers.
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We're trusting our own heart. I can't say that enough.
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It sounds like, I don't know, it sounds kind of woo-woo maybe,
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but there is a part of you that your body will react to certain situations.
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Your body will react to being around certain people.
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Your body will react when you're in a subway late at night and it doesn't feel
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safe your brain might be trying to convince you it's fine it's fine like it's
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completely safe and your body might be having,
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anxiety right you might be feeling.
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Adrenaline like oh i need to get myself out of this situation so you have two
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options you can trust what your body is telling you or you can ignore it.
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And only you know when it's right to do either one of those things.
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So you need to get into a place where you're really understanding what your
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body's trying to tell you, what your heart's trying to tell you,
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and then finding that balance between what's the logical, reasonable path forward.
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What's my body trying to tell me? What are the answers to all these questions
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that came up in my curiosity phase.
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And then you start to move into action.
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So you really have to hit all those points in the journey so that when you get
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to action, you're like, okay, I understood what was going on.
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I asked all the questions.
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I dug into those questions. I trust myself when I answer those questions.
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And now I'm ready to take action.
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So you can see how this is really different from I'm going to ask a lot of questions
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of other people. I'm going to get a ton of advice. I'm going to seek...
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You know, out, well, other people have had this experience and here's what they're
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doing. So I should do that.
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Comparing yourself. So we move out of that.
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And you might be wondering, well, then like, why is a coach helpful?
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Because I'm not going to tell you what to do.
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I'm going to help you ask all those questions. I'm going to lead you through
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these phases of, okay, let's open up awareness here.
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Let's get curious. Let's ask the questions. Did you ask this question?
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Did you ask that question?
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What other, how else can we dig in? Like, I love the discovery phase.
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This is where we get so many interesting insights. And again,
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this is what I do with my consulting clients. So if I go come into a small business
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and they're like, listen, we weren't profitable last year. We're not sure why.
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I just ask so many questions. I don't ask questions of only the owner. I ask all the team.
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I ask them so many questions, and I glean so many insights from that phase of the journey.
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I can't just jump in and start fixing things or putting new tools in place or bringing new hires in.
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You have to dig in and get curious about the why. What is happening?
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Because it might be simpler than you think.
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It might be something that you really didn't expect. And if you don't give yourself
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the time to explore and ask those questions, then you're going to take action
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from a place that is not aligned.
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You're going to take action from things like scarcity, worry, anxiety, fear, stress.
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You're going to take action from those places instead of, okay,
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I've moved through this phase.
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Now I feel pretty clear on what the questions were and how I answered them.
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I feel good about where I am. I've got my own back. I trust myself.
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And now I'm going to move into taking action.
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And so it's not a bunch of lists. It's not asking other people.
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It's really understanding yourself,
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making those connections, trusting yourself, and then moving into action and
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taking action from feelings of inspiration
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and excitement and drive and motivation and not fear and worry.
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You can imagine how different the actions will be that you take when you're
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taking them from worry versus inspiration.
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And I'm not saying there's like a good thing and a bad thing.
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Once you go through all these phases and you're in that action taking place,
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you got to trust that those actions are the right actions.
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But i do urge you to keep exploring if you're in worry and it's consuming you,
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and you're taking action from that place because i do think it's a driver and
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a motivator like if you're worried about money you're going to hustle.
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And that's great and that those are the actions that you want to take but you
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might take action that is not actually furthering you it's not furthering your
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business. It's not furthering your finances.
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You might take these actions that are really just chasing your tail,
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and that's not going to get you further.
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So this whole process, this whole journey, these four steps of the journey are
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really a way to just slow down, get more intentional.
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Not look externally for the answers. Really dig into what are the answers and
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how do I trust myself to answer them and take action from what I believe to be true.
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So as I said, I'm going to walk you through each one of these.
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We're going to deep dive a little bit more into each one of these phases over the next four weeks.
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It's super fun because I'm in the process of developing this and doing it with people in person.
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I'm going to build into an online course and then bring yoga into this because
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I do think there's this part of trusting your body, knowing what's happening
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in your body, and then also just
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building the strength and the trust that like my body can also lead me through these phases.
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Like I can take action not from a place of like I'm too weak or,
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I'm not capable or I'm just not strong enough to do this to a place where your
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body is going to also bring that strength forward if you're doing things that make you feel strong.
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So I'm a big proponent of bringing in this kind of physical practice,
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too, into coaching. I just feel like the two together are so fundamental.
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And if you're not somebody who likes exercise, there's always a way to bring
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in a physical practice that doesn't feel like exercise.
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Still builds that strength and resilience and trust so that you can have that
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fundamentally as you go forward.
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So this is super fun for me. I'm so happy to dive into this more.
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And I do still have, we're moving into October, I still have two spots open
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if you want to do a 90-day coaching program with me.
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We start in October so we can finish before Christmas.
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It's about transition it's about transformation it's about coming through transition
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and then coming out the other side having all of this awareness and curiosity
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and then trusting whatever happens next in this transition
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so if you're interested in that you can always set up a call I'll have the link below
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or you can email me I mean there's so many ways to get in touch with me,
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and I just love working with people through this stuff so I'm gonna leave it at that,
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and next week we will talk about awareness.
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And I'll leave it at that. Talk to you next week.
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Articulate my thoughts but I didn't I just let it come I let it happen I let
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the venting happen and then I gave it a beat,
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and I was watching my body like I'm not in danger I'm not in I mean and I can
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safely say that I was not in danger it was just he was mad that's fine he wasn't,
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you know gonna hurt me or anything so I knew I was safe,
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and so I could talk myself down I could do some breathing and I will tell you
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that when I was watching the way my body was reacting I was listening to,
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but when I was watching how my body was reacting I was not in such a heightened
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emotional state that I couldn't be articulate,
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which is the halo effect of this especially at work if you can watch your nervous
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system and you can get curious about what is happening.
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Okay, my blood pressure is rising. The adrenaline is surging.
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Let me just focus on my breath. Let me see if I can bring it down. I'm safe.
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I am not in any danger right now.
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This sucks, but I'm not in danger. And that is enough to just kind of cool your jets,
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so that you can approach the situation now, not from fight or flight,
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but from a place where that feels more grounded, that feels more centered,
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it's not easy. Okay?
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I am not telling you this and then saying tomorrow you're going to be able to
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do this, but I will tell you, if the only thing you take away from this is being
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curious about what's happening in your body, it will change everything.
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Especially if you're someone who tends to yell and.
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This was me, okay? I would yell at my kids.
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Like, I would get frustrated and I would yell. I don't, I mean,
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okay, maybe like once in the last couple of years I've yelled,
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but I don't do that anymore.
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I mean, I think it's also because they're in a different phase and they're not as annoying.
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But if you're someone who does react emotionally to your environment,
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like, when I was in the height of burnout, I would cry a lot.
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I was crying a lot. I was crying at work. I was crying on my way home from work.
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I was crying when I got home.
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There was just, there was so much that my body just could not process so much
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stress that was happening. And I didn't have a place to put it.
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I had little kids. I didn't, I couldn't bring in all those other things like
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yoga and meditation. I just did not have the time for that stuff.
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So this is not about like create a ritual and do this and well it's just like
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in the moment get curious what is happening in my body i will tell you it will
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slow you down long enough,
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to not have an explosive reaction now i want to be clear too i'm not saying that like
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the emotions that come up aren't right if you're sad or you're angry or you're
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disappointed or you're humiliated or you're in shame.
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I'm not saying that you have to turn any of those feelings off.
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It's about curiosity. This is what I love about this tool. It's just like,
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what is happening in my body? Oh my God, my face is turning red.
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I'm so humiliated right now.
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Allow it. This is about allowance and not.
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Trying to shut something off, not trying to change it.
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That's why I like curiosity. It's about curiosity. It's not judgment.
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It happens. We're human. We have human reactions to things.
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But what we want to do is really start bringing our nervous system down,
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lowering that fight or flight response when we're not actually in danger.
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We need to remind our body and our brain.
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We're not in actual danger, but our body is responding as if we are.
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And this also goes for if you're somebody who keeps mantras going in your head
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about how bad you are, how terrible you are, what a bad person you are,
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you can't believe you did that.
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If you're shaming yourself in your own brain, you're creating a fight or flight response on your own.
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And you're going to start feeling your heart rate raise.
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You're putting yourself in a danger zone. You're creating stress.
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So again, if you hear this kind of mantra going on, curiosity.
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Because your brain doesn't know the difference between you giving yourself the
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negative feedback or someone else giving you the negative feedback.
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Your brain doesn't know the difference. You're getting all this negative feedback.
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You're feeling all this humiliation and shame.
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It's either self-caused or it's caused by someone else.
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Your brain and body don't know the difference. You're going to go into a stress
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response. So curiosity.
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Start with curiosity.
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And then breath Path is a really incredible tool.
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It helps slow you down. It slows down the speed of how fast you talk.
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You can tell when I'm excited about a topic by I start talking fast.
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And when I'm all chilled out, I talk really slow.
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When I edit the podcast, I have to edit out so much of the long pauses.
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But it's also because I'm relaxed and I'm thinking about what I want to say
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and I'm trying to be articulate. I'm also very aware of the fact that I say like very often.
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You know, I am also trying to slow down my speech patterns so that I can be aware of that too.
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So that I can consciously remove some of those filler words.
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In any case, this tool is amazing. I want you to try it on this week. Be curious.
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Maybe even put yourself in one of the situations that usually causes stress.
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So if that means going into a crowd, keep yourself safe.
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But if it's a safe situation that you can put yourself in to practice this, try it on.
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I love to hear how people are doing with these tools so leave a comment let
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me know if it's working for you it also helps other people when they're you know looking,
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on YouTube or in the podcast if you are sharing what's working for you it helps
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other people too so don't be afraid to share
33:27
it's really helpful it's kind of like reading Yelp reviews it's so helpful I never leave them.
33:34
I very rarely leave comments places, but I do think when we're learning tools
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like this, it's really nice when people can share their experiences.
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So I hope you will.
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I hope you have a great week and I will talk to you next time.