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The Weight of the Cross and the Honor of the Hearth: Navigating Parental Opposition to the Sovereign Missionary Call · Reformed Thinking

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Imagine you're sitting at your kitchen table.
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You have a one way ticket to a remote region in the Middle East
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and it is sitting right there next to your coffee mug just.
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Staring right at you. Right, just staring at you.
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And you are looking at it and you know in your bones that you
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are fulfilling the Great Commission.
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You are obeying the call to take the gospel to the unreached.
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And then you look across the table and your mother is sitting
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there and she is weeping. Oh wow, that is heavy.
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It is incredibly heavy. She is terrified for your
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physical safety and she is telling you that if you get on
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that plane, you are throwing your life away.
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And maybe your father chimes in saying you know you are
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abandoning your family and acting like some kind of
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religious fanatic. They look you in the eye and
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give you a firm, unyielding no. So the question is, which
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command of God do you obey in that split second?
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Do you obey the call to the nation's, or do you honor your
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father and brother? Man, that is, it's the kind of
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situation that tears a believer right down the middle.
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You know we are talking about two massive divine directives
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just slamming into each other right there in the living room.
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Yeah, and that is exactly why we are here today.
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So welcome to Reformed thinking. I am so glad you could join us
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today. If you are listening to this,
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you know, maybe you are prepping for a pastoral meeting or
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catching up on your theological studies.
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Or maybe you are just intensely curious about how to handle
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life's most brutal. Collisions.
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Absolutely, and our mission today is to conduct a massive,
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thorough analysis of two incredibly gents detailed
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essays. We are looking at a specific
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agonizing collision of duties. Yeah.
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The sources we have in front of us today are titled The Weight
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of the Cross and the Honor of the Hearth.
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And When Christ Calls and Parents Object.
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And these documents, they provide a serious, rigorous
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theological framework for resolving this tension.
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And they do it without resorting to modern psychology or, you
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know, hyper traditionalism. OK, let's unpack this.
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We have a believer who feels called by the Great Commission
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and their parents stand firmly against it.
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This pits the absolute Lordship of Jesus Christ directly against
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the 5th Commandment. What's fascinating here is how
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our modern culture offers 2 wildly flawed extremes when you
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are trying to resolve this tension.
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On one side, you have secularized therapy and radical
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individualism. This camp encourages A reckless
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rebellion. It views the family as a toxic
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obstacle to your personal self actualization.
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Right. The whole cut out toxic people
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mentality. I mean, it is everywhere, right?
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Now it really is. If your parents disagree with
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your life choices, this modern secular view tells you to just
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cut them off, protect your peace, bypass their objections
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and treat them as collateral damage on your road to personal
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fulfilment. Which is pretty brutal when you
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think about. It no, it absolutely is.
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And on the opposite extreme, you have hyper traditional.
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This view demands blind obedience to parents above all
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else. It insists that a child must
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yield to parental authority even when that authority directly
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contradicts the Great Commission.
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So both of these extremes failed the biblical test.
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They offer a simple way out of a trial that is, you know, meant
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to be wrestled with. Yeah, the old version of this
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deep dive used a traffic light analogy, which looking back is a
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bit juvenile. It treated the Great Commission
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like a green light in the 5th Commandment like a red light,
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but that doesn't capture the gravity of what is happening in
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that kitchen table scenario. It is more like you are a small
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planet caught between the gravitational pull of two
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massive stars. That is a great way to put it.
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Yeah, because the Great Commission is pulling you
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outward and your family's very real God-given authority is
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pulling you inward. If you just guess, you get torn
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apart. So how do you survive that
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gravitational tension? To survive it, we have to bring
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in the perspective of the Westminster Confession of Faith,
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specifically regarding the conscience.
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The Confession states clearly that God alone is the Lord of
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the conscience. He is the supreme authority, the
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ultimate gravitational center. Yet God Himself establishes
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legitimate subordinate authorities, such as the family,
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the Church, and the civil government.
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And these subordinate authorities require honor in
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their proper spheres. The moral law functions as a
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guide for holy living, not a contradictory trap designed to
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make you fail. I want to make sure I'm grasping
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the mechanics of that. You were saying God doesn't give
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us 2 commands that cancel each other out just to watch us
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sweat. Absolutely correct.
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God's commands do not exist in an irreconcilable dualism.
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There is a holy hierarchy, A structural bedrock that allows a
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believer to obey both the Creator and the subordinate
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authorities he instituted, provided those authorities stay
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within their God-given and bounds.
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When the subordinate authority oversteps and demands
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disobedience to the Creator, the hierarchy clarifies your
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allegiance. But that doesn't mean you
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discard the subordinate authority like garbage.
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To really grasp the gravity of Christ commands regarding our
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families, we need to transition into the historical realities of
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the Old and New Testaments. And we often read the Bible
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through the lens of modern Western individualism, where a
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family is just a small, private emotional unit.
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Living in the suburbs, we think of mom, dad, two kids and a
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golden retriever. Yeah, a very neat little
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package. Right, but that was not the
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reality for the original audience.
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Let's look at the Old Testament first, specifically the Mosaic
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economy. Why was the family such a
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massive deal back then? Under the mosaic economy, the
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family was the core economic, civil, and religious
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institution. The patriarchal family structure
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was directly tied to the preservation of the promised
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land and the physical survival of the entire nation.
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Honoring parents was the primary mechanism for transmitting the
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historical memory of the Exodus. Deuteronomy 6 makes this clear.
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The parents were responsible for teaching the laws and the
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history of God's redemptive acts to their children.
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So it wasn't just about having good manners at the dinner.
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Table Not at all. Because of this massive societal
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function, dishonouring a parent was not just a domestic dispute,
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it was a capital offense. Exodus 21 dictates severe
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physical punishment, even death, for striking or cursing a
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parent. Wow, death for cursing a parent.
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We read that today and recoil, thinking it sounds barbaric.
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We really do. But you have to understand the
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logic. Dishonor was an attack on the
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representative authority of God Himself, and it risked the
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entire nation sliding into Canaanite paganism.
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The family was the societal glue keeping Israel tethered to
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Yahweh. That raises a huge question
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about the New Testament era. When Jesus steps onto the scene
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in the 1st century Greco Roman and Jewish world, what did that
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societal glue look like? Because we know the Romans
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weren't operating under the Mosaic Law, but they definitely
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had strong family structures. The societal weight of the
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family was just as severe in the 1st century, though the cultural
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expression shifted. In the Roman context, you had
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the legal concept of patria potestas.
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This was the father's absolute lifelong authority over his
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children. And I mean absolute.
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It extended to the authority of life, death, and economic
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slavery. An adult Roman son, even one who
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was married and had his own children, could still be
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executed by his father if the father deemed it necessary.
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The father owned all the property and made all the final
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decisions. Wait, really?
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A grown man in his 30s could be legally executed by his own dad.
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Yes, absolutely. The state would not intervene at
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all. That was considered a completely
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private family matter. And in Jewish society, the
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family unit known as the Mish Baha was the absolute center of
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survival. There were no government safety
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Nets. There was no welfare, no
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unemployment insurance. Your family was your insurance,
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your employment and your religious identity.
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For a Jewish son or daughter to suddenly declare allegiance to
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an itinerant crucified rabbi from Nazareth was viewed as an
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act of sheer social treason. So if you convert, it's not just
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a polite disagreement over Thanksgiving Day.
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Oh. No, it is absolute destruction
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of your social standing. It led to immediate
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excommunication from the synagogue and complete
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disarmament by the family. You would be rendered a social
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pariah, cut off from all legal and financial protection.
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You would likely lose your livelihood and face starvation
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if the early church did not step in to care for you.
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What makes the shift between the Old and New Testament so stark?
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We are looking at a massive dispensational shift here.
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In the Old Testament, the family was the vehicle for preserving
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the faith. In the New Testament, following
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Christ often means blowing up that very vehicle.
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Yes, the texts highlight a structural transition.
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The Old Testament mission was primarily centripetal.
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The nations were supposed to come inward to Israel's temple
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to see the glory of God. The physical family line was
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crucial for maintaining the land in the temple, but the New
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Covenant mission is centrifugal. The Church is commanded to go
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outward to cross ethnic borders and take the gospel to the
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nation's. This centrifugal movement
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inherently disrupts the localized ancestral family.
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When Jesus called James and John, he called them to leave
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their father's boat. That was an economic and social
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rupture. He was taking the core labor
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force away from a family business.
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I think we need to point out a major misunderstanding here.
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In our modern context, taking up the cross has become a cliche
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for mild inconveniences. I catch myself doing this
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honestly. The drive through guy gives me
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oat milk instead of almond milk and I sigh and say we all have
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our crosses to bear. Or you have a bad day at work.
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Or your car needs new brakes. But applying that phrase to mild
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annoyances is a complete distortion of the text.
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It is a massive distortion. The original audience knew the
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cross strictly as an instrument of shameful public execution.
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It was a Roman tool of terror. You did not talk about the cross
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in polite society. To bear a cross meant you were
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walking under a sentence of death, stripped of your rights,
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your reputation and yourself preservation.
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You were a dead man walking when Jesus told his disciples to take
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up their cross. He was telling them that
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discipleship requires a readiness to die to earthly
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security and family expectations.
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It was a horrifying image that stripped all the glamour away
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from following Him. Which brings us directly to the
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specific and honestly shocking words of Jesus.
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Let's decode the demands of Christ by looking at the
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exegesis in Matthew 10 and Luke 14 and Matthew 10.
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Jesus shatters any sentimental notions of his mission.
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He says, Do not think that I've come to bring peace to the
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earth. I have not come to bring peace,
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but a sword. And then he quotes Micah 7.6
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stating that a man's enemies will be those of his own
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household. The Gospel itself becomes the
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dividing line in the living room.
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Right. And the sword Jesus mentions is
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not a literal military weapon. It is the sharp division caused
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by ultimate allegiance to Him. When a person confesses Christ,
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the unregenerate family members often react with hostility.
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The Messianic Kingdom actively disrupts the corrupted peace of
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the fallen world. You can't introduce absolute
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truth into a household built on worldly priorities without
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causing friction. Here's where it gets really
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interesting. Let's look at the Greek text in
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Matthew 10.37 where Jesus says he who loves Father or mother
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more than me is not worthy of me.
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We hear sermons all the time about the Greek word agapao,
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which is a volitional sacrificial love of the will.
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We are taught that agapao is the highest form of love, but the
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Holy Spirit inspired Matthew to use a different word here.
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He used the word. Filio.
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That linguistic choice changes the entire landscape of the
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command. Filio refers to warm, natural,
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instinctive family affection. It is the tender emotional bond
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between a parent and a child. It is the feeling you get when
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you look at your son or daughter, that fierce protective
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warmth. Christ is not forbidding us from
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making our parents our intellectual gods.
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He is claiming total lordship over our warmest domestic
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instincts. He's demanding that our deepest,
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most natural human affections be subordinated to our love for
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Him. That is a staggering claim.
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He isn't just asking for our Sunday mornings.
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He is claiming the right to rule over the biological emotional
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tether we have to our own mothers.
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If our natural instinct to please our parents outranks our
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desire to obey His Great Commission, we fail the test of
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discipleship, and the text says that if we prefer our parents,
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we are not worthy of Him. Let's break down that word
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worthy, because in modern English, worthy often means
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having good self esteem or being deserving of a prize.
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The Greek word is axios. In Greco Roman literature, axios
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roots back to the concept of a scale or a balance.
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In the marketplace. It describes things of equal
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weight or value. If you put a pound of grain on
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one side of the scale, you need an axios weight on the other
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side to balance it. If your parental approval weighs
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heavier on your personal scales than the command of Jesus
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Christ, there's a cosmic mismatch.
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The person is way on the scale of the sanctuary and found
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wanting. There is an infinite gap in
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value between the crucified Lord and the approval of mortal
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parents, and your internal scales must reflect that
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reality. Now let's turn to Luke 14.
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This chapter gives us a slightly different angle.
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Large crowds are following Jesus.
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The atmosphere is probably electric, filled with
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enthusiasm. It looks like a massive success
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for a traveling rabbi, but Jesus turns around and intentionally
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sifts the crowd to separate superficial enthusiasm from
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actual tested allegiance. He says something that makes
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modern readers flinch. He demands that anyone coming to
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him must hate their father and mother.
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Had to push back here. Even knowing the Greek context.
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How does a prospective missionary explain that to an
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unbelieving mother without sounding like they have joined a
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cult? How do we handle the sheer
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optics of that? That is a very real concern.
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That word hate in Greek is maseo.
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You have to understand this within the biblical idiom, and
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you have to explain to others through your actions, not just
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your vocabulary. Scripture never permits malice
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or cruelty toward parents. The word indicates A comparative
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preference. Think back to the book of
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Genesis. Jacob loved Rachel more than
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Leah. He didn't actively plot to
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destroy Leah, but his preference was so stark that Leah was
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describing the text as hated. It means loving your family
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decisively less than Christ. So it is about the hierarchy of
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obedience. Yes, whenever the two claims
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compete, obedience to Christ must prevail.
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It is a demand for a reordered hierarchy of the heart.
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You don't walk up to your mother and say I hate you because Jesus
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told me to. You show her massive respect.
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But when she asks you to disobey Christ, you gently decline.
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Your refusal to put her above God will feel like hatred to her
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because she is used to being at the top of your priority list.
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Jesus then follows up this shocking demand with two
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parables of calculation, the tower builder and the warring
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king. The builder sits down to
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calculate the cost of the stones before he starts boarding, lest
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he run out of money and face public mockery.
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The king calculates whether his 10,000 troops can defeat an
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advancing army of 20,000. These are very analytical cold
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blooded parables. These illustrations specifically
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rebuke impulsive, mystical enthusiasm.
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Jesus does not want disciples who launch into missions based
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on a temporary emotional high from a youth conference.
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The candidate must sit down and soberly calculate the cost.
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That cost includes loneliness, language barriers, sickness,
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spiritual opposition, and the very real pain of parental
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disappointment. If you cannot endure being
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misunderstood at home by the people who raised you, you are
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completely unprepared to endure severe opposition in a foreign
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field where the local authorities might throw you in
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prison. OK, we have established the
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massive infinite weight of Christ's demands, but we cannot
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ignore the other gravitational pull in this scenario.
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We need to pivot to the other side of the equation.
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Exodus 20.12, the command to honor father and mother.
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This is where the gravity of the 5th commandment comes in.
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If we just stop the discussion at Luke 14, we risk encouraging
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that secularized therapy mindset we discussed earlier.
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Let's dissect the Hebrew verb used in Exodus 20.
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The verb is kabad. Etymologically, it means to be
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heavy, weighty, or glorious. In the ancient Near Eastern
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context, this exact verb was used in Suzur and vassal
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treaties. Stop right there.
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Let's unspool that for a second. What is a suzur and vassal
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treaty? Explain that to someone who
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hasn't been to seminary. Sure.
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Think of an ancient emperor, a massive conqueror.
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He is the Suzurraine. He conquers a smaller Kingdom
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ruled by a lesser king, the vassal.
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They make a treaty. The lesser king gets protection
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and trade. But in return he owes the
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emperor massive structural loyalty and tribute.
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He owes him kabad. It is a heavy binding obligation
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of respect and duty. The exact opposite of kabad is
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the Hebrew word kalal, which means to make light of, to
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despise, or to treat with contempt like you would treat a
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speck of dust. Therefore, honoring parents is
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not a superficial sentiment, it is treating them with massive
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Treaty level respect. So let's bring back the
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balancing scale metaphor. On one side of your internal
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scale, you have your parents. You did not treat your parents
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like feathers or dust. You treat them as solid, heavy
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iron weights. You give their concerns, their
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fears, and their counsel immense gravity.
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You listen to them. You do not press them off.
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However, when those heavy iron weights are placed on the scale
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against the infinite cosmic weight of Jesus Christ and His
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commands, even the iron is lifted into the air.
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Christ always outweighs them. But that does not mean the
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parents lack weight. The iron is still heavy.
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That scale visual perfectly captures the hierarchy and we
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see what happens when religious people try to erase the weight
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of the parents entirely. In Mark Chapter 7, Jesus rebukes
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the Pharisees for the sin of Corbin.
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Corbin was a religious vow where a person would dedicate their
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money or resources to the temple.
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It was a pious sounding move, but they used it as a legal
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loophole to avoid financially caring for their aging parents.
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They essentially told their starving mothers, sorry, this
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money is dedicated to God, I can't help you.
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That is utterly ruthless. They weaponize their theology
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against their own mothers. Jesus condemns this practice
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fiercely. He tells them they are making
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void the word of God by their tradition.
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Religious zeal can never be an excuse for arrogant neglect.
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A prospective missionary cannot use their calling as a spiritual
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weapon to punish their parents or mask a rebellious independent
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spirit. You can't say God called me so I
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don't have to deal with your annoying phone calls anymore.
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So how did Jesus handle this tension in his own life?
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He faced these dual commands as a human being.
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Let's look at the Christological framework.
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He had to steer through the exact same mud we were talking
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about. Jesus is the only human being to
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perfectly obey the 5th commandment.
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The Gospel of Luke tells us that as a youth, he returned to
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Nazareth with Mary and Joseph and was submissive to them.
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He lived under the roof, growing in wisdom and stature, perfectly
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aligned with the moral law. He did not despise his earthly
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guardians, even though He was the creator of the universe,
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living under the roof of a Carpenter.
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But he also drew a very sharp line later on, redefining the
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family entirely. In Mark 3, his family actually
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thought he lost his mind. They tried to arrest his public
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ministry because of the intense social pressure in the massive
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crowds. They were standing outside a
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house sending words to him, basically trying to stage an
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intervention. Jesus didn't yield to their
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domestic pressure. He didn't go out and apologize.
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He looked at his disciples and said that whoever does the will
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of God, that person is his brother and sister and mother.
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He established the spiritual bond of the New Covenant
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overrides the physical bond of the human womb.
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The ultimate intersection of these two realities happens at
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Calvary. John 19 records this incredible
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moment. Jesus is hanging on the wood,
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bearing the infinite, unmitigated wrath of God for the
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sins of His people. He is fulfilling the supreme
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mission of His Father, absorbing the punishment for cosmic
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treason. Yet in the midst of that
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absolute agony, while suffocating on a Roman cross, He
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looks down and sees His earthly mother, Mary.
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He tells John to behold His mother and tells Mary to behold
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her Son. He ensures her physical and
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domestic care. He delegates His fifth
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commandment duties to His closest friend.
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He fulfilled the supreme mission while simultaneously fulfilling
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the 5th commandment to the absolute letter.
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That is staggering. While achieving the salvation of
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the world, he is making sure his mom has a place to live.
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And this ties directly into the doctrine of of the imputation of
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righteousness. Doesn't it breakdown how this
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gives the listener a safety net? Because frankly, we failed to
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balance this tension perfectly. We either swing toward arrogant
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rebellion or we swing toward cowardice and stay home.
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Here is how the safety networks in theology we talk about
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Christ's active and passive obedience.
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His passive obedience is His submission to the penalty of the
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cross paying our debt. His act of obedience is His
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perfect fulfillment of God's law during His life, earning the
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grade we could never earn. His act of obedience and
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honoring His parents perfectly, combined with His passive
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obedience on the cross, guarantees that believers are
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clothed in His perfect righteousness.
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When an aspiring missionary stumbles through this trial,
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reacting poorly to their parents in the living room or doubting
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the call out of fear, they are not judged on their perfect
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execution of this balance. They stand justified by the
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perfect execution of Jesus Christ.
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So when you inevitably mess up that kitchen table conversation,
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God doesn't cast you out. You are covered by Christ's
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perfect record. Spot on.
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That provides the theological safety net required to make
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these hard choices without being paralyzed by the fear of making
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a mistake. You act in faith knowing your
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failures are covered. So what does this all mean for
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you, the listener? How do you, if you are the one
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holding that missions brochure right now, apply this text
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tomorrow? The sources give us a very
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structured, practical path of application.
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Let's walk through it. Step one is immediate
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repentance, and we aren't just talking about a vague internal
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feeling of regret. The prospective missionary must
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drop all pride and religious superiority.
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It is incredibly easy for our fallen nature to treat opposing
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parents as unspiritual obstacles.
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We want to use Our Calling as a shield to justify an arrogant
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argumentative attitude. We must repent of that.
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We must approach our parents with the respect and gentleness
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demanded by that Hebrew verb kabad.
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If you have actually dropped your pride, what is the very
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next thing you do when your parents are weeping across the
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dinner table? Step 2 is to listen and
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document. The sources instruct you to sit
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down and write out the parental concerns without interrupting or
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debating. Don't defend yourself, just
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listen. Write it down.
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Why is this mechanical step so vital?
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Because parents often spot real, objective character flaws that
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the zealous candidate is blind to.
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The parents might point out a history of unfinished projects.
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They might point out massive financial foolishness or a
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severe, recurring struggle with interpersonal conflict.
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These are traits that would make someone genuinely unfit for the
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brutal realities of the mission field.
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The parents might not be fighting God, they might be
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fighting your immaturity. The candidate must have the
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humility to document these concerns and take them
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seriously. This leads perfectly.
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Into Step 3. Church Authority.
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A call to missions is not a private, mystical voice that you
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hear alone in your room and act on like a Lone Ranger.
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It must be tested objectively. You are instructed to take those
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documented parental concerns directly to the elders of your
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local church. This is a crucial safeguard
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against self deception. You take the written list of
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your parents fears to mature godly elders.
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If the elders review the list and agree with the parents, if
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they say yes, you actually do have a severe problem with
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conflict resolution, you refuse to submit to authority, and you
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are not ready for a cross cultural environment, then you
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must submit and delay. The Holy Spirit operates through
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the orderly government of the church.
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However, if the elders look at the list and determine that the
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parental concerns are ungrounded or rooted entirely in worldly
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fear regarding safety or money, you now have objective pastoral
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backing to proceed. You aren't a rogue agent acting
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on a whim. Step 4 is to differentiate your
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life stations. The rules change depending on
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your covenantal obligations. You can't just apply a blanket
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rule to a 16 year old and a 40 year old.
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Minor children living under the roof of their parents must wait.
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They cannot run off in defiance. Married adults have a totally
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different set of duties. A married person cannot
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abandoned their spouse and children for a solo mission
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claiming a higher spiritual calling.
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The Great Commission orders our duties.
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It does not abolish the marital covenant.
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Step 5 focuses on documented care.
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If you, supported by the church elders, decide to move forward
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against your parents wishes, you must do so with massive grace.
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Write a clear, gentle response to your parents.
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Establish a concrete plan for communication.
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How often will you call? When will you visit?
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Plan for their care in older age, just like Jesus did from
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Mary from the cross, and critically reject the anxiety
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that parental unbelief can somehow ruin God's Providence.
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God holds the hearts of parents in His hands.
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Your obedience does not derail His sovereign plan.
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We have covered massive. Ground today to summarize the
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core lesson. You must act with crucified
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allegiance. You worship Christ with absolute
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devotion, holding nothing back, while simultaneously treating
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your parents with heavy sacrificial honor.
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You do not discard them, but you do not let them sit on the
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throne of Christ before we close.
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There is one final provocative consideration derived from the
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source material that deserves our attention.
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We noted earlier that the sources view parental opposition
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as a sovereignly designed furnace meant to refine the
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candidate. But let's look at it from the
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perspective of the parent salvation.
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What if the painful, agonizing act of a child respectfully but
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firmly choosing Christ over an unbelieving parent's approval is
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the actual destined mechanism God plans to use?
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Are you saying the conflict? Itself might be the
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evangelistic. Consider the.
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Possibility that God intends to use this very fracture to
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shatter the parents unbelief when an unbelieving parent sees
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their child forfeit safety, money and proximity to family,
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not out of teenage rebellion, but out of a calm, unbreakable
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love for a crucified king. It presents a reality the
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secular mind cannot comprehend. It demands an explanation.
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The obedience that causes the fracture in the living room
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might be the very tool God designed to draw that parent
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into the Kingdom. The fracture might be the
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ultimate cure that brings us. All the way back to our starting
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point at the kitchen table. When you are looking at the
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murky reality of human relationships, you won't find
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clean lines. You will find intersecting
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duties, heavy sorrows and divine commands.
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But you don't have to guess at the treatment plan.
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The great physician has walked this exact Rd. bearing the
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ultimate weight so that you can steer through the intersection
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with a clear conscience. Thank you for joining us on the
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deep dive into the source material.
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Keep your scales balanced, keep your eyes on the text, and we
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will see you next time on Reformed thinking.