Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / 196 | The “Not Enough” Trap That’s Blocking Your Next Level

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196 | The “Not Enough” Trap That’s Blocking Your Next Level · Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design

0:00
Erin Gray: You've built a successful business, you're making money, and somehow it doesn't feel like enough.
0:05
Erin Gray: So you keep moving, you keep pushing, and you keep trying to get to the next level.
0:10
Erin Gray: But what if the thing that is actually keeping you from your next level is the belief that where you are right now isn't enough?
0:17
Erin Gray: Welcome back to your money, your rules.
0:19
Erin Gray: In today's episode, I am going to be talking about something that I see come up for a lot of my clients, as well as myself.
0:25
Erin Gray: I'm not immune to this either.
0:27
Erin Gray: And it's this underlying feeling and belief that where we are isn't enough.
0:31
Erin Gray: And so it can show up in things like it's just not enough, right?
0:35
Erin Gray: Like it could just be that thought.
0:36
Erin Gray: It could be, I'm not there yet.
0:38
Erin Gray: I need to be farther along.
0:40
Erin Gray: I need to keep going or optimizing or figuring this out.
0:43
Erin Gray: And it can be so subtle and it shows up if we aren't onto ourselves.
0:48
Erin Gray: And what I want to offer you today is a completely different way of looking at growth.
0:53
Erin Gray: So let's dive in.
0:54
Erin Gray: As always, I am going to call myself out here and be completely honest and transparent with you because I'm not immune to this either.
1:01
Erin Gray: I was just experiencing this the other day.
1:03
Erin Gray: I caught myself with my, I guess you would call her a holistic practitioner, where I've been working with her around my hormones and my body and supplements and all the lab work, all of the things because I thought, you know, I was noticing my body was feeling different.
1:19
Erin Gray: And I noticed that what I asked her was, well, what else can I be doing?
1:24
Erin Gray: And it came from this place of like what I'm doing is not enough, right?
1:28
Erin Gray: It was an innocent question of, okay, I want to be supporting my body more, but it was with this undertone of like, okay, but I could be doing something else.
1:38
Erin Gray: As if like my body hasn't been doing just these amazing things over the last month, eight months of us working together.
1:45
Erin Gray: And so this not enough thread will show up in all areas of our lives because we have this ultimate belief within ourselves, like that we aren't enough.
1:55
Erin Gray: So then it's not enough.
1:57
Erin Gray: And then it's going to show up in different areas of our life.
1:59
Erin Gray: And so here is what I have been seeing is like you have created something that works.
2:04
Erin Gray: What I find in clients is we create something that works.
2:07
Erin Gray: Your business is generating money, and on the outside or on paper, right?
2:13
Erin Gray: You are and you look successful.
2:16
Erin Gray: But internally, there is this more quiet communication within yourself of I should be further along.
2:23
Erin Gray: I should have this more figured out by now.
2:25
Erin Gray: Or like, why am I back at this place?
2:27
Erin Gray: Like that's one that I hear a lot of clients.
2:29
Erin Gray: Like, why are we back here again?
2:30
Erin Gray: We've already had this.
2:31
Erin Gray: And to that, I will say, you will always be back here again because you're going to be learning and going what I call, you know, the spiral staircase.
2:40
Erin Gray: You're continuously evolving and growing.
2:43
Erin Gray: And when you reach the next level, you're going to experience it again.
2:46
Erin Gray: It's not a problem.
2:47
Erin Gray: And so instead of allowing ourselves to be exactly where we are, to enjoy where we are, to enjoy the fruits of our labor, to have so much gratitude for where we are, what we are doing is we're in just constant movement and what I call like this chasing energy.
3:05
Erin Gray: So we're constantly solving for things, always thinking, always trying to get ahead of something.
3:10
Erin Gray: We're constantly, and when I say scheming, I don't mean in a bad way, but right, like you're you're constantly thinking about all the parts.
3:17
Erin Gray: And what I think that it does is it creates this low-level pressure that never really turns off.
3:23
Erin Gray: And this can also be because of what we are used to.
3:26
Erin Gray: Meaning, if we're used to living in survival, if we're used to being in that fight or flight, we're going to be moving from there because that is actually what feels safe and familiar to us.
3:38
Erin Gray: It doesn't mean that that's what's correct for us.
3:41
Erin Gray: It just means that's what's familiar to us.
3:43
Erin Gray: So our bodies aren't going to feel at ease.
3:46
Erin Gray: It's not going to feel at peace unless we're actually solving problems and constantly thinking about the next thing.
3:51
Erin Gray: Like I spent so many years in my family's construction business in this way.
3:55
Erin Gray: I was constantly thinking about problems.
3:57
Erin Gray: Well, guess what?
3:57
Erin Gray: I never, I had an endless amount of problems to solve versus thinking about how far have we come?
4:02
Erin Gray: What do I love about where we are?
4:05
Erin Gray: Where do I want us to go and grow to is very different energy than everything or looking at things as not enough and it's a problem.
4:13
Erin Gray: And I think for a lot of us, what I'm realizing is we don't actually know how to rest and relax.
4:19
Erin Gray: I just actually had this conversation with a client the other day.
4:22
Erin Gray: We actually scheduled what I call a be bored session in her calendar, like schedule that multiple times in the week.
4:29
Erin Gray: And what that means is you're gonna sit and you're gonna just be bored.
4:33
Erin Gray: And because somewhere probably along the way in childhood, we earned praise and we earned love for constantly moving, growing, what I call earning A's.
4:44
Erin Gray: And so our bodies, our nervous system is very familiar with moving, always chasing, going for the next thing, right?
4:52
Erin Gray: Like I've talked about in previous podcasts.
4:54
Erin Gray: Like, and what will happen is we'll just move the goalposts.
4:57
Erin Gray: But it's this almost this addiction that our bodies are used to feeling of constantly chasing and going after the next thing.
5:05
Erin Gray: And like I mentioned before, this doesn't mean that this is when I say okay, what I mean like this isn't necessarily what we want to have for our bodies in our business, but it feels normal because this is what we have practiced for so many years.
5:22
Erin Gray: We aren't familiar with just being, we aren't familiar with appreciating what we have.
5:28
Erin Gray: We haven't built up that muscle yet.
5:30
Erin Gray: So this feeling that we're used to feeling, and then our relationship with it's not enough is actually what we want to transform.
5:38
Erin Gray: Because when you, where you are, when that when you are constantly thinking that that doesn't feel like enough, how do you think you lead your business, right?
5:46
Erin Gray: That you're leading your business from this place of insufficiency.
5:50
Erin Gray: And insufficiency often creates more insufficiency and it also creates urgency.
5:56
Erin Gray: And it could create pressure, it can create overthinking, it can create decision fatigue, it can create what I call a lot of in your head, not actually being in your body.
6:07
Erin Gray: And those things that we are feeling, they exist because of our thinking, because of what we have trained our bodies to actually be or feel safe with or feel familiar with experiencing.
6:21
Erin Gray: If we have built up the skill set of not enough, of constantly going, of constantly trying to solve problems, of thinking from the problem, not thinking from the end, you make decisions that aren't as clear because you feel like you need to do something, right?
6:38
Erin Gray: Because where you are, you haven't developed the skill set yet of where you are is perfectly okay.
6:45
Erin Gray: So go back and listen to episode 193 of I think it's called Why You Feel Constant Pressure and What Your Root Center is telling you.
6:53
Erin Gray: That's going to help you understand some of this pressure that you might be feeling in your body.
6:57
Erin Gray: I think some of this is part of like human design and how the root center works.
7:02
Erin Gray: It's also these thoughts that we have, these patterns that we have created in our body, what our body is used to feeling.
7:12
Erin Gray: This I am not okay where I am.
7:14
Erin Gray: I need to do more.
7:15
Erin Gray: It's not enough.
7:16
Erin Gray: Like this, sir, there's some thread, and it can be multiple thoughts, but there's some thread in there about creating and feeling pressure and urgency because that is what actually you're familiar with.
7:28
Erin Gray: And this is where I encourage clients to get so tapped into their bodies so that they can decipher what is actually happening, which involves slowing down.
7:38
Erin Gray: It involves delegating roles, not tasks, roles, like put moving things off of your plate, letting go of control, letting go of what you think it's supposed to look like, all of it.
7:50
Erin Gray: And I want to say here that, you know, your body is going to revolt.
7:54
Erin Gray: I was having this conversation with a client the other day, and we were talking about some things.
7:58
Erin Gray: And I said, I just want to be perfectly clear here.
8:01
Erin Gray: When you do this, it's not going to feel like rainbows and daisies.
8:04
Erin Gray: It's your body is want to kick and, you know, like think about a little toddler.
8:09
Erin Gray: It's going to want to kick and scream.
8:11
Erin Gray: Your mind is going to chatter.
8:12
Erin Gray: All of these things are going to happen.
8:14
Erin Gray: This is normal.
8:16
Erin Gray: We're literally retraining our mind and our body into a new way of being.
8:20
Erin Gray: And it's kind of like the price that you're going to have to pay, the ticket to admission.
8:24
Erin Gray: You know, we think that when we make these changes, like our body's going to go for a long for the ride and it's going to be so great.
8:31
Erin Gray: And oh, this is so much fun.
8:32
Erin Gray: And I'm not saying you can't think about of not having fun, but sometimes what we don't recognize is when we're making changes, actually expect for like the turbulence to happen.
8:45
Erin Gray: I don't think we account for the turbulence enough.
8:47
Erin Gray: We think, oh, okay, I have set the intention.
8:50
Erin Gray: I'm going to, you know, make these changes.
8:53
Erin Gray: And then we're surprised when we're feeling, you know, these lower vibration emotions.
8:58
Erin Gray: We're surprised when our body is having these experiences.
9:03
Erin Gray: We're surprised when, you know, our mind is like, who do you think you are?
9:07
Erin Gray: You know, we don't have time for this.
9:09
Erin Gray: We've got things to do.
9:10
Erin Gray: Like we're surprised by this because we actually haven't thought about or kind of put the expectation there that this is what the brain and the body are going to do.
9:20
Erin Gray: I remember when I first read the book by Dr.
9:23
Erin Gray: Joe Dispenza, I think it's called Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself.
9:26
Erin Gray: I'll put that link in the show notes.
9:27
Erin Gray: But he talks about how he has people sitting down for meditation and you sit and you don't leave until, and I think it can be a little bit like I, everybody, you know, you've got to do your own thing.
9:39
Erin Gray: You got to trust your own body.
9:40
Erin Gray: But like what he talks about is sitting down and not getting up until you are a changed person, meaning you haven't listened to your body, you haven't heard what your mind is saying, and you've just, you know, followed it.
9:54
Erin Gray: You've actually sat down and you've meditated and you've actually felt what needed to be felt in the body.
10:00
Erin Gray: So just recognize, regardless, when you start making these changes, your brain and your body are going to feel it.
10:07
Erin Gray: It's part of the process.
10:09
Erin Gray: So I want to redefine what actually enough is and I and what it actually means to you, because enough is kind of like expensive.
10:17
Erin Gray: What does that even mean?
10:18
Erin Gray: It's all relative, right?
10:20
Erin Gray: Not enough to whom, not enough based on what, not enough, like it all is a comparison.
10:28
Erin Gray: And I think you really have to get clear because it's a very vague word, just like, oh, that's so expensive.
10:33
Erin Gray: It's like compared to what?
10:34
Erin Gray: And so actually defining what does enough mean to me.
10:38
Erin Gray: I think enough means that it is you're in sufficiency.
10:42
Erin Gray: Like when we talk about going from scarcity to abundance, I really think enough is having its sufficiency.
10:48
Erin Gray: It's loving where you are and wanting more, but not from a place of lack.
10:53
Erin Gray: It doesn't mean that you stop asking for what you want.
10:56
Erin Gray: It doesn't mean that you stop growing.
10:58
Erin Gray: It just means that you stop invalidating where you are while you grow.
11:03
Erin Gray: I think so many of us are so focused on where we're going, we don't even give ourselves the atta girl of where we have been or where we are.
11:11
Erin Gray: Like give yourself a hot two seconds before you're on to the next thing.
11:14
Erin Gray: You know, you can look at your business and you can say, like, I love how far we have come and I love where I am.
11:21
Erin Gray: And I can't wait to see where we're going to go and grow to and what unfolds next.
11:27
Erin Gray: Like we can, all of those things can be true at one point in time.
11:31
Erin Gray: I think a lot of us think we have to almost like push away the past in order to feel good about where we're going.
11:38
Erin Gray: It's like we can love where we were.
11:40
Erin Gray: We can love the person that we were 10 years ago.
11:42
Erin Gray: We can love what we had to go through in order to get where we are.
11:46
Erin Gray: And we can also have so much joy and anticipation for where we are going.
11:51
Erin Gray: It's not a denial of like who we are in order to who we want to become or return home to.
11:57
Erin Gray: It's like loving all those parts of us.
11:59
Erin Gray: And I think what it also means is pausing long enough, which I don't think that we're great at, is to see what you have actually created, right?
12:08
Erin Gray: Of being in that feeling of having versus not having.
12:12
Erin Gray: I think so many of us are in that energy of not having, you know, whether it's not having, it's not enough, not good enough.
12:18
Erin Gray: I don't like it.
12:19
Erin Gray: It's in that energy of there's something wrong here versus everything is amazing.
12:24
Erin Gray: What have I learned from this?
12:26
Erin Gray: Where do I want to go?
12:28
Erin Gray: Where do I want to grow to?
12:29
Erin Gray: And I love how far I have come.
12:31
Erin Gray: And it's from this place of having, right?
12:33
Erin Gray: Having of sufficiency, I call it sufficiency, that you make your next move.
12:39
Erin Gray: Because when I always say you can't put in lack and then expect sufficiency or abundance out on the other side, right?
12:45
Erin Gray: So when you start to grow from a place of enough, of this feels fun from curiosity, that feels very different in the body than growing from pressure or urgency.
12:57
Erin Gray: Or, you know, I think growing from pressure is very reactive, right?
13:02
Erin Gray: We we want to make fast moves.
13:04
Erin Gray: We want to, um, it feels very urgent.
13:06
Erin Gray: We usually complicate things or we complicate things more than they need to be complicated because what I call it's like in our heads, not in our bodies, right?
13:14
Erin Gray: We're trying to like get out of a feeling versus just allowing and enjoying where we are.
13:19
Erin Gray: Growth from enough feels what I call is like, are you in clean energy?
13:23
Erin Gray: Are you intentional?
13:24
Erin Gray: Are you calm?
13:26
Erin Gray: Are you in your body?
13:27
Erin Gray: Are you listening to your intuition?
13:29
Erin Gray: Have you allowed spaciousness for your decisions?
13:32
Erin Gray: And when I mean spaciousness, I mean ample amounts of time to feel into a decision.
13:37
Erin Gray: Are you grounded?
13:39
Erin Gray: Like the decisions that we make from a grounded, from a calm, from a confident place, that is such a different feeling in our body than one of we have to hurry, hurry up.
13:50
Erin Gray: It's pressure.
13:51
Erin Gray: We have to hurry, make a decision, quick now, right?
13:53
Erin Gray: You're trying to relieve something versus just be in something.
13:57
Erin Gray: So I think also two here that I want to say is that this is also about increasing our capacity to have, to have more space in our lives, to allow for more spaciousness, luxury.
14:09
Erin Gray: And I don't mean like the designer bags, right?
14:12
Erin Gray: I mean when you allow yourself such an ample amount of time to feel into a decision, because 50% of us need to ride our wave when it comes to decision making.
14:23
Erin Gray: So are you allowing luxurious amounts of space and time to make and to feel into decisions?
14:30
Erin Gray: So increasing your capacity to have, to slow down, to be okay with the level of stillness that we're talking about here.
14:38
Erin Gray: Are you increasing your, you know, this is allowing you to increase your capacity to have more money, more clients, more ease, more fun.
14:47
Erin Gray: Like, think about when you are so stressed, when you are moving from that place of not enough, you're like, okay, I got to go to the next thing.
14:53
Erin Gray: Like, how much joy and fun are you actually having in your life and business?
14:57
Erin Gray: Or are you thinking like, okay, when I get there, I'm gonna feel a certain way and then I'm gonna be able to relax.
15:02
Erin Gray: It's like it's never gonna happen.
15:03
Erin Gray: So this is the work.
15:05
Erin Gray: This is the not so what I call not so sexy work, right?
15:08
Erin Gray: This isn't the like Instagram reel, like, oh, look what I did, you know, overnight kind of thing.
15:14
Erin Gray: This is the intentional, I care about myself, I care about my body, I care about my business kind of work.
15:20
Erin Gray: Learning how to sit and be in sufficiency, in having, or what I call, you know, the enough, air quotes enough, long enough without immediately trying to move out of it.
15:31
Erin Gray: And like I said before, your body is going to want to revolt.
15:35
Erin Gray: It's going to feel weird initially because you're so used to and your pattern is so used to rushing.
15:41
Erin Gray: So letting your business just be where it is and enjoying it, not scanning for the problems, but just enjoying what you have created and like looking toward and forward to your vision, allowing things to come with clarity, with time.
15:57
Erin Gray: I'm gonna do a podcast on that because I think it's really important.
16:00
Erin Gray: Is clarity comes through time.
16:02
Erin Gray: It doesn't come through getting in your head, trying to problem solve, trying to think of all the things.
16:06
Erin Gray: It comes from time, not from pressure.
16:09
Erin Gray: And just allowing yourself to just be to let the intuition come, to let the clarity come, to let the downloads come.
16:17
Erin Gray: And that all also comes from allowing yourself to have space.
16:21
Erin Gray: So if you are in a season where your business is working, yet it doesn't necessarily feel like you thought it would or it should, this might actually be what you are experiencing.
16:33
Erin Gray: So learning how to lead from sufficiency instead of pressure.
16:36
Erin Gray: Like I just want you to think about like close your eyes right now if you're driving, obviously, but close your eyes right now and think about what does it feel like when you give yourself ample enough time?
16:47
Erin Gray: How does your body exhale?
16:49
Erin Gray: How does it relax?
16:51
Erin Gray: Imagine feeling like that eight out of the 10 times in your day, right?
16:55
Erin Gray: But I think a lot of us right now are so gripping and tight and we feel so pressure and we have so much urgency and like it has to happen right now, right?
17:03
Erin Gray: It's like gripping, it's like gripping what we want tightly versus lightly.
17:08
Erin Gray: So learning how to actually move from having and sufficiency instead of pressure, it changes everything in your life.
17:16
Erin Gray: It changes how you make decisions, it changes how you run your business, it changes how you feel in your body.
17:21
Erin Gray: And let's be honest, I know I talk a lot about business, I talk a lot about money, all those things, but really at the end of the day, it's how it feels in our body.
17:29
Erin Gray: Like everything we're doing is for a feeling.
17:32
Erin Gray: We want to feel calm.
17:33
Erin Gray: We want our bodies to feel at ease and relaxed.
17:36
Erin Gray: So, this is the work that I do with clients, some of the work.
17:39
Erin Gray: I do a lot of stuff with clients, but this is some of the most, I think, potent work that I do with clients, getting in out of your head into your body and really starting to trust yourself and slow down.
17:49
Erin Gray: So if this resonates with you, you can apply to work with me or you can reach out to start a conversation.
17:54
Erin Gray: And as always, thank you for being here, for sharing your time with me.
17:58
Erin Gray: And I really want you to spend this week noticing how often am I moving from, and it's going to be a pattern, right?
18:05
Erin Gray: It's going to be a habit, moving from this place of rushness versus slowing down and allowing yourself to just be in the energy of having and sufficiency.
18:14
Erin Gray: Okay, I'll see you in the next episode.