Latest / Relatively Functional Dads / Episode 014 - Dad Desires Pt 2: Don’t Kill Them, Rule Them

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Episode 014 - Dad Desires Pt 2: Don’t Kill Them, Rule Them · Relatively Functional Dads

• Audio: Dads, last time we discussed how our strongest desires are not actually our deepest desires. And the difference is a strong desire is loud, it's urgent, it feels like you gotta have it right now. Where a deep desire is more like a whisper, Reese. It's quiet, it's steady, it's long term, it's aligning with your values. and here's the problem knowing the difference between strong and deep desires, like we talked about in part one. So if you haven't listened, go back listen to last episode. That's only half the battle. It's the first half of the battle because I can know exactly which of my desires are speaking and still let the strong ones win and kick the deep desires out. So what I mean by that is you might have a strong desire for one more quarter of football. College football's kicking off this weekend. Praise Jesus, we made it. But you know you should be spending some more time with your kids instead of watching another game that no one really cares about. Like who cares about Pac twelve football, if that's even a thing anymore. one more beer. You wanna have one more deep beer? You got a deep desire to have that second or third beer, but you know you should be drinking water for a variety of reasons. you wanna stay at work another half hour late? That's never happened. Not for you, but yeah, it's a strong desire to do well and to people please and to do things that are important in your career, but your deep desire is to be a present dad at home. So which which one of these do you do you allow to win out? So The goal is not simply to know your desires and your the goal is not even to kill all your desires. We're going to talk more about that. It's not bad that we have these desires. It's the goal is to rule over them. We have to rule over our desires so our desires don't rule over us. So today we're going to be diving deep into what it actually looks like for dads to rule over their strong desires and stop allowing those to tax or take away from the deep ones that God's intentionally given you. So let's get real practical. It's gonna be a good part two. Thank you all for joining. The Boys And Audio: Hey, welcome to the Relatively Functional Dads podcast for fathers doing their best and learning every day. We're just three relatives walking through faith, fatherhood, and real life together. That was me. No experts here, just honest conversations about the wins, the struggles, and the moments that shape us as men and dads. Some days we've got it together, other days we're just trying to get to bedtime, but we keep showing up. And if you're dad... In the middle of it too, you're in the right place. Let's journey through this together. Audio: Yeah. Excited to be here. One way that our listeners can rule over those deep desires is to defeat the deep desire of not subscribing to the channel, not leaving a comment, messaging us via email, comment section, anything. So relatively functional dads at gmail.com. As we found out last episode, we do not have a website. No website. Email or social media platform, YouTube, anything. Leave us a comment, ask us questions. We really wanna start some of these episodes off with some questions from y'all, but Yeah, I'm about to I'm about to pretend. Yeah. Y'all acting like y'all got deep desires for community and you don't be demized. About to be having some fake questions up in this thing. So Well, with that, lead off with segment number one. you know what? Let's start with should have known better. We've been doing dad decisions. First, you got you wanna go should have Yeah, no, you go ahead. I I got one, but yeah, man. I need I needed some time to recover. It's been a long day. Put all three kids down by myself tonight. Single dad. excuse me. Solo dad. So solo for a whole hour and a half. So I'm a sip on my creatine and rejuvenate here with some electrolytes. You go ahead. I love that. should have known better. Being a dad, I have a lot of commitments and I have significantly limited free time. So every commitment that I do make should be weighed out with like a good deal of discernment, maybe lifted up in prayer. And should I say yes to this? Do I have capacity for this? Will I have a mental breakdown if I commit to this new thing? and I did not do that when committing to My hometown fantasy football league. That's the group text, isn't it? my goodness. They're the best. I have felt so at home the past month because I'm in this group chat with a bunch of guys that I grew up with. But holy cow, like two weeks, probably 800 messages in this group chat. Yeah. We at the time when I was getting these text messages are probably A month out from the first game of the season. You're even yeah. We're not even in season. Your second week of preseason still. Yeah, and I realized th this league is a little bit more involved. When I played fantasy football from the age of 13 up until the joining of this league, fantasy football was I draft the team. Yep. The other people in the league draft the team. And then whoever's team is better by the end of the year. pretty much wins. This league is more of the there's stuff to do before the season starts, during and probably after. I've got people trying to con me out of draft picks and things like that. Calling you all type of names. Calling me all type of names. I'm having to reach out to the one or two people that I actually trust in this league to see if I'm getting played. and yeah, so the the commitment level is elite. But I believe that I had the first or second best draft out of anybody in the league. It's ten person league, it's keeper league. How do you know that? my team? How do you know it's the best if it hasn't started the season hasn't kicked off? they got projections for these sorts of things. Yeah, this is preseason. Yeah, best preseason. Yeah. Ohio State or Oregon of your fans. How that guy do that said he needed to what, run mock drafts for like two hours before. That is a great draft question. I was laughing pretty hard at that. I'm not gonna mention any names 'cause I'll give way too much information. But Yeah, one of the guys we did this whole thing, by the way, the people that I'm in this league with, whatever your like idea of competitive is, raise that bar like considerably. How many of these dudes have kids? I'm gonna s less than half? de definitely less than half. one of them I know has multiple children. Okay and he's younger than I am. And is he pretty chill? Like is he is he the one that's blowing your phone up? Is that the commissioner? Is the commissioner the one that holds That's commissioner He has multiple children? He has multiple children. That's wild. The commission. You know what? In just in case I'm wrong about this, at the very least, he has one child and his wife is pregnant. So he either has multiple children or he has one and on the way. Life at conception, right? Yes, that's right. For you forgive me. Yes. We're not gonna dive into that. No. but either way. yeah, he's not the one blowing up my phone. And he's the only guy out of these ten guys that could be the commissioner of this league. it would it would collapse in a minute if he was not the commissioner. you gotta choose that right. Yes, had to choose it right. And he doesn't really get flustered all that often. I watched him get pretty irritated a few guys in the chat. over the past few weeks and it made me laugh really hard. No. He is at at the most peace. You know like the Kung Fu Panda movies? Yeah, that's him. Yeah. The inner peace part. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's him. He is inner peace. Real real tight with Jesus. Kinda that Holy Spirit just kinda he just exudes that peace out on other people until the tenth argument three weeks before draft time about something stupid. Then he then he starts to lose it a little bit. My point is y you gotta have a good balance of dads. Because you got some dudes with just too much time on their hands. You can't keep up with that. And you what? My should've known better wasn't and isn't that I joined the league. It's that when I joined, I thought to myself, this will just be a nice fun thing for me to do that won't be crazy involved. Yeah. I should have known better than to think that with these nine other guys that I'm one of them is my younger brother, who is also hyper competitive. yeah. They're also competitive. That's the common denominator. and Once you're in a fantasy football league with them, they are no longer your friends. Tell them what the loser has to do. the loser of the league has to run a half marathon in a chicken costume. sorry, I forgot to mention this. downtown of whatever local downtown you are you're a part of. We have not decided if it needs to be like a sanctioned run, but it needs to be thirteen point one miles in a chicken costume in front of a bunch of people. So I think it'd be even weirder if it wasn't like a registered event. I mean what's are you running from the cops at that point? No, get your garment out. Yeah, I guess it would be weirder. I don't know. But Sign me up. Yeah, that's my should have known better. Dude, I wish I was fun enough to spend my time doing that. I I seriously I would have left already. This was strongest desire. My deepest desires are falling by the wayside with this one. Your deep desire for community betrayed you. So Dude, I think there's a lot of men right now that and women that can relate to that. Of I just want a fun, low commitment fantasy football league. And sometimes you're in more than one and a couple of turn south. And I don't have time for one. I really don't. I don't even have time for one. But I do have time to watch a lot of college football. So yeah. Don't don't hear me saying Don't tread on Saturday. Yeah, bro. I'm about to that's right. Shout out Josh Pate. But Yeah, mine is so I grew up in Biloxi, which is the coast of Mississippi. Busy. Yeah, bro. Biloxi. And it's it's hot, humid, it's got a lot of bugs. So I know bugs, dude. And I thought I knew mosquitoes until this Saturday. I took Grayson and Naomi. So my three year old and five year old, for the listeners who don't know. I'm trying to get them in, and they are into deer hunting. So I got them a deer blind. I had Naomi up in a double ladder stand last year and just it made me pretty anxious. She had a harness on and stuff, but I was like, I gotta get a blind on the property. So found a really good spot. I knew where we'd see a lot of deer activity, but we had to get it set up because at the time of this recording we're about five weeks out from opening day of of deer season. So the problem is it's rained like the Dickens for the last two weeks here in central Indiana and we had no wind, which never happens. So apparently there's mosquitoes when those two things happen here. We don't get mosquitoes often. Yeah. And Biloxi we did all the time. Jackson, Mississippi, we did all the time. Even in East Tennessee we did get some. So when I tell you I we got out of the car and there was like ten already like swarming us, I was like, bro, we're in trouble. So it's about a ten minute walk through some thick grass to get to the woods, the tree line where I need to put up this this blind. And I got one of those quick pop up ones. It's pretty dope. It's like a two to three personal one. It's gonna be a great for people who don't know anything about hunting, it's essentially a tent that you can see through but the deer can't see in and they got little windows you can push down and I just can't wait to sit with my kids in there and watch deer. So I needed no joke five, maybe seven minutes to set this thing up exactly where I wanted. And Grayson was on my shoulders on the way there and we're booking it. We're going pretty fast. Naomi's walking behind. And when I tell you we got there and I spent like 30 seconds s setting up this this pop-up blind, and there's like a dozen mosquitoes on my my son's neck and face. And Naomi's old enough, she knows how to swat them. And I'm like, buddy, you gotta start swatting these things away. So I'm with one hand like swatting his neck. And the other hand trying to put this pop-up blind in a in a trail camera up. And I knew he was getting bit. Like I could see like there was a lot of mosquitoes, but I was hoping they were more just landing on him and not biting them. And he starts crying. And he's a trooper, bro, and I feel bad. no. I should have known better is I I didn't bring any bug spray. zero bug spray. I didn't think I should I needed bug spray. Yeah. So by the time again, maybe five minutes, seven minutes, we were gonna spend a half hour or an hour of the property walking around looking for sign. I was gonna Teach him some stuff. It just, I was like, this ain't the trip. We gotta get out of here. So we get back to the car, a bunch of mosquitoes get in the car. We gotta figure out how to get them out. And the next morning, I'm not joking, dude. When Grayson woke up and he's already got sensitive skin, probably 30 to 35 mosquito bites on this dude's face, neck, ears, and they're not like big gnarly ones, because I do think like they would start to bite them and I'd like smack them away. And 24 hours later, he looks is is he looks a ton better. But going to church Sunday, I was like, bro, I'm gonna get DCS caught on me or something. We had to tell them, like, this ain't smallpox, this ain't chicken pox. my gosh, I'm just my husband's just a moron. I Madeline, you can tell him that when you're checking them into children's classroom. So man. but yeah, he was a trooper. He was ready to go to the other side of the property and put up more cameras. And I was like, nah, buddy, like, we're gonna Man, that's so sweet. We're gonna go home. But I came home and I told Madeline, I we got a dog. Like, Like Grayson is a tough dude. He loved being in the woods. So it was a ton of fun. But I will absolutely if I don't put it on him, because surely that stuff's like not good for kids, like bug spray. Like they probably have like I can't imagine the the good for you bug spray would kept these bugs away because they were gnarly. But but yeah. Should have known better. Keep keep some of that in the minivan, dude. So Man, that is brutal. Yeah. I mean, I had heard that there were certain parts into you Over the past few weeks 'cause all the flooding and stuff like that and the w like you said, the wind were I you know, I got I got all the disc golfing you know lads and they were like, All the courses are ruined and they're covered in mosquitoes except for Northview Church has a course and the only hill in central Indiana. So the window So that one was fine, but apparently all the rest of mosquitoes out the wazoo. And my daughter was fine. I don't think she got bit once. She had a few around her, but again, she knew how to swat and I don't know. They just wanted Grayson. They Praying on the weak man. I feel Genuinely made me feel bad and mad at the same time. Dude, that's so annoying. I I feel like we all you know what, maybe it's just me, but I feel like a lot of people know that one person who just is like a magnet for mosquitoes. yeah. Certain blood type or something. I don't know. Probably my mom would have been killed if she had gone out in the woods where where it like lately, like she wouldn't have made it back. So, anyways, dads, if if you're in that place, you know, a sunburn, a rash, No bug bites. It's a part of it. You gotta get your kids out. You gotta have fun. Just learn from it, guys. Just put put the SPF, put the bug spray, put what you need in the car in case you ever need it. Yeah. So Okay. That's all I got. Good stuff. Well, segment two, dad decisions. Dad decisions. Dad decisions. You guys ready for me to read this? I know that these are a little bit more elaborate. So Yeah, you sent you sent and I didn't even look at so I'm gonna go off the hip. I I love it. I'm gonna be honest. Well, this is what this would be great. And if I need to repeat it, that's totally fine. Would you rather your kids poke you in the ribs and say dad, dad, dad repeatedly? Yep. Every time you are in the middle of a conversation or say, What up, big pimp? Let me holla at you once and wait for you to finish your conversation. And it's every time. I said every time. I mean, I'm not saying that each and every like if you're But if like one of the two most most public c yeah, if you're in a conversation and your kid is coming up to you, it's one of these two options. every time they come up to you. There is no there is no between. They're either poking you and saying your name or your or dad, mom, whatever, over and over and over again, or they say What up, Big Pimp? Let me holler at you just once and then they wait for you to finish your conversation very politely. They just stand there. That that second option is just a big bearing move by your kids because they say that and then all of a sudden they can talk to you because your conversation is just cut off in like the the horrified silence. in the words of Curtis Fifty Cent Jackson on Get Rich or Die Trying, my favorite album when I was nine years old. P. I. P, baby. I'm I'ma go with that. I'm a P I P. I'ma go. I'ma go that. Big pimping, bro. I could I could actually get some humor. Like I would get a kick out of that. So I don't like people touching me like that. So I think I would not choose the humor over the anger. This is a very real real life scenario. More the the jabbing and the dad dad dad. That I mean we're we're all in that of like hold on, buddy. They hold on, but their hold on's like fifteen seconds and you can't finish a conversation. Yeah. If that. So I would love to finish a conversation. My marriage would be so much healthier. Like we're doing good. We'd be doing great if we could actually talk over a meal. Yeah. So I'm gonna go with that. Okay. It's a great question though. It's a fair answer. I I debated quite a bit on what I would have the kids say just the one time. Part of me thought just their whole childhood They never refer to you as dad and they only refer to you as your first name in front of people. Now that's demoralizing. That's harder to choose from. I couldn't ever, dude. Although your name kind of doubles. I could get away with it. But they just go and say, hey, Blaine. Dropping a full government name. Jeremetri's goze. That's right. Yeah, I d I couldn't handle that. They've called me my first name a handful of times and I about snapped. Excuse me? gosh. producer Noah has written pimp up on the board. That's right. So I don't know if that's your decision. Is that what you'd go with? that y'all probably know me well enough to know I'm definitely going with the ladder. my gosh, are you kidding me? The first one overstimulates me so much. People poking me Sam Dad over and over again. Roman isn't even doing that kind of stuff yet, but it stresses me out just thinking about it. Or when it happens and I'm the person having the conversation. Is he saying dad at he says dad da all the time. And it's awesome for like a few months. They're like, shut up, dude. Well, and it would be a lot more meaningful if everything wasn't dad dad. Well, that's it has Did you give him the Jimmy Fallon book? No, but he just kinda I think it's easier for him. He has his he has his four middle top teeth and four middle bottom teeth. So I don't know. I think it's just easy to say dad da. but but yeah, definitely the latter. The first one would make me honestly, it would probably form and shape me better if it was the first one. Sure. but the second one is definitely the one I would prefer. It would make me laugh. I don't really care if somebody disapproves of of that. So it would make me laugh and if they didn't like it, then no big deal. I think more of my friends than not would think it's hilarious. So No no doubt our wives are for sure choosing the other one. There's no way that would be okay with Roman walks up, pulls on Ellie's shirt and goes, What up, big pimp? Let me holla at you. There's a there's no way. she would laugh though. She would start dying. But yeah, no, I don't think that would be her favorite. okay. And then second, dad decisions. Would you rather have your child thank you today for how you parented them or thank you at thirty? You can kinda mess with this question a little bit. obviously your kid's saying thanks for how you are parenting me at under three or whatever, it can be just kind of a one off comment. It doesn't you know, they probably haven't thought about it that deeply or anything like that. When it's at thirty, they've probably thought about it a good bit. So you can kind of mess with that question a little bit. But What do you think, Noah? There are times where I would I would want it now. Just like there especially after a a couple of really hard days with Mason or just we've we've been stressed out from life and stuff and then we get to the end of the day and to whatever extent that a a child could say this of like Thanks for intentionally trying to care for me in an age appropriate way. Yeah, and so I'm not really sure exactly how the but like the The affirmation of, okay, I haven't like utterly screwed my child up. in this like string of time where maybe I've been focused on a couple of other things, things are going on in life and I have not been as mentally present with him and to still like j just to for him to see things. And I'm sure especially like if not even in the the thirty time, but like when our our sons are teenagers and our daughters are are teenagers. Yeah. For them to if like when they're fifteen be like Thank you for the way that you are raising me. Yeah. That would mean the world. Now that would be a uniform. Well, that's not the question. I'm just kidding. I say kind of have some leeway with the question, but then I just immediately immediately gun you down. So I I mean, the hope would be that you mentioned this I think in either the last dad decision or two ago, where you're like, I want kids around my campfire when they're twenty five. When they have the choice, right? Yeah, yeah. So there is a part where I would want my 30 year old kid to to say, I'm grateful for the way you raised me and then hopefully even carry some of those things into the way that they might raise their own kids. But man, I just think about in the days when I just feel real down of like I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah, I need some positive affirmation. I would love and I think the teenager experience is the one that I'm imagining without having been there. Yeah. That that would probably be the most impactful. through all the emotions, all the things that I am ill equipped for and terrified of at this moment. Yeah. The idea of them having the f the presence of mind to be able to say thank you. Yeah. I'd I'd pick that one. When you said the word today, I was like, quite literally, today sounds pretty nice. I also think if she the things I'll take my five year old she would thank me for would probably be things that are like probably not even great for her. Like not not parenting. Yeah, not things. But no, I relate of like I need that feedback loop closed with some positive affirmation sometime that like she sees because dude, we've been like nagging's probably the toxic form of it, reminding or disciplining or following through is like the healthy expression. And sometimes it just feels like I'm nagging my kids. Cause I'm just consistently having to say over and over again, stop, don't be respectful, use kind words. And yeah, I put to bed at night and I'm like, I hope they know I like I love I like being with them. They're just at each other's throat. I mean, they're five and three. Like it's gonna be like that for a few years. So, but overall, probably thirty. I mean, I think probably when they're thirty That's I mean, I'm at the age now when you start having kids to realize just how hard this is. And I've I've started to recognize that. Especially having more than one of like, whoa, like my sister and I are two years apart. My mom and dad did it and didn't screw us up. Like, good job, mom. I know you're listening. Proud of you. So yeah, I I hope to hope to have that return in twenty five years. I think that's fair. Yeah, and I think that like with the question almost would have made more sense to be like, would you rather have the thank you today or thirty years from now versus like or would you rather your kid thank you now but resent you later versus versus maybe not resent you now but just kinda like like I would say I kinda had that with my or maybe a lot with with my stepdad growing up was man, I disagreed with so many of the things that he did at the time. And you know, there are still some things I probably disagree with about the like him and my mom's parenting decisions, but I agree with so much more than I did when I was younger. but I think that I would prefer the latter again. So just like the thank you at 30. But I also I haven't really had the day to day where my kid can interact with me in that way. So it'd be the concept of Roman saying, Thank you for how you're parenting me today, yeah. It's not real. Like it it doesn't feel real yet. So I can't really even imagine what it would What it would feel like or the impact it would have. But I do know, or at least I can imagine what the impact would be twenty five, thirty years from now, if he were to say, Hey, I know it wasn't always easy, but thanks for maybe pushing me in some areas I didn't want you to whenever I was younger and things like that. So You said a very sticky statement, a very profound one. I'm known for that. I thank you at thirty. That's like a great goal for parenting. Of like a thank you at thirty. Like can we parent in a way where we're getting thank yous when they're thirty, when they're still having kids, when they start understanding. Now there's times just to cut out and be goofy as all get out. And Madeline and I talk about trying to create intentional space where there's really like no rules. So whether that's the park or, you know, we go to the zoo, we make memories, we have fun. They the kids can just kind of go crazy, they're not gonna get hurt. so you don't have to be on top of them. That feels really good from time to time. But overall the constant correction is thankless work, man. And but the thank you at thirties may be worth it. Yeah. And you know, with the d dad decisions and the would you rathers, there's almost always two extremes. Yeah. We probably want to be in the middle. So like i there it's hard, but the ideal situation you would parent in a way that maybe your kids don't always love or agree with, but even over the next five, ten years as they go into adolescence and things like that, they're lo they can kind of see the value in what you did even when they didn't love it at the time. Hopefully it doesn't take all the way till they're thirty years old for them to realize that what you did was helpful or loving or anything like that. But Absolutely. But yeah, no. I appreciate it. So I don't always say profound things. I just Yeah, you stumbled on it. Like to be a blind nut finds blind squirrel finds another one of those. Bro one hot day don't make it summer. Broke clock is right twice a day. Yes, that's right. to recap, if you didn't listen to the last episode, go go ahead and go back. Pause it right now. Go ahead and listen to it. Probably would be helpful. If you want more profound statements, yeah, from Reese, you won't have to wait a while because he used his this decade. But if you don't want to go back and listen to it or you need a quick refresher, our strong desires are not actually our deepest desires. First time I heard that language was from John Mark Comer. He probably stole it from someone else. he's a smart dude, he listens to a lot of smart guys, but that's been a really helpful a way to categorize things that I've felt or or experienced in my life. And the difference between strong and deep desire. Strong desire shouts, deep desire whispers. Strong desire, they come and go hourly. They can be satisfied, but the satisfaction is temporary. but you know the deep desires they remain steadfast year after year. They're a part of how God has made you and there's a deep satisfaction that remains when you start tasting some of that. And sometimes it takes years of faithfulness to even get a glimpse of it. we also talked about how your your deep desires, they're not random. They're a signature that God's put on your life that's very unique to you. God wired you with very specific longings and desires, paying attention to them over longer periods of time is an a a very important part of discovering how God's made you so you can know how to lead yourself, so that you can know how to lead others. But where we want to pick up is kind of the more practical, because again, it's not just enough to know that you have these and to identify some of these. It's once you understand what some of these strong and deep desires are, which hopefully you spent some time over the last couple weeks doing. what do what do we do with them once we have them? How do we rule over them? That's where we're gonna go for the next half hour or so. Reese, let me ask you this. If desires point to God's design, so again, God's giving you some desires that are from him, but there's also desires of the flesh. There's desires that can be good in proper contexts, but aren't overall godly. So what do we do with some desires that are part of God's design, but also desires that can wreck your life if you're not careful, how do you tell which is which and and what are you looking for, to help determine that? Yeah. I think that for me, sometimes it's like standards. So something to measure it up against. I mean If you want to figure out if you're like breaking a rule or doing something right or wrong, it's nice to have a set of standards to kind of see if that's if you're meeting the mark or doing what you're trying to do. So like if you're trying to figure out if something is a deep desire or strong desire, both those things have characteristics. like we've said, deeper desires seem to be more long term. Not all of them, but for the most part, seem to take longer to achieve, or I guess. come to be basically. strong desires are typically more easily satisfied, satiated, but they come back quicker. Yeah. so for me, I put like standards would be something like does this desire align with my my values, which are based out of the Bible for me, or based out of the Bible or just Jesus life. So which can be subjective in some in some areas and harder hard to measure it up against. So I would say between God's word, being prayerful, and then I would say like a a community, like a group of group of guys. I wrote down like do I see this desire being played out in other men's lives that I respect and is it typically a net positive, net negative, net neutral? yeah, just having people to bounce ideas off of, like a like a council of many sort of thing. Yeah. But but because they know your blind spots when you don't. Yes. And if they're honest with you, they'll poke holes. If they're willing to be honest and challenging, they'll poke holes to make sure, hey, is this how pure is this? And not all our desires are a hundred percent pure. And and some of your strong desires aren't bad. Like Yeah. And it's different from person to person. Strong desire for somebody might be okay for them, but not okay for you, and vice versa. And as long as you keep that strong desire in check, go enjoy something. You know, like something in moderation might be okay. But Don't be hiding behind like the you know, you're doing something selfless when really it's for your own selfish gain and it needs to be kept into check and for sure. And other people can help that for sure. thing I'll add add to that in my own life is I put silence and solitude, so just being alone, being bored with your thoughts. I was on a Zoom call with a couple of guys today and a monthly cohort we have, and he said, Yeah, my counselor said I I need to go find a stump and just get bored. And he was right. He's like, I'm my life's so busy, I just need to sit down somewhere long enough to get bored. And then so silence and solitude where you're bored over time. So I think when you're alone and you're quiet and you can hear this still small voice of God, it's easier to discern if that's like how he's made you or wired you or it's an idea from him, if it's consistent over weeks or months or years. Because something that like I feel like I have to act on right n right now, that's gonna cost me something. Like I better be pretty sure that's from God. Sure. 'cause I can lie to myself pretty quickly, if not. But if there's like a slow simmer of something and it's like a consistent place where I I go and in silence and solitude and whenever the chaos of my life I can kind of just bring that to God and it continues to be there, I I can feel pretty confident that this is not just something that I'm wanting to do to distract myself or to satisfy a a a longing that only this world can give but or this this world can give but can only be found in God. So anyways, I would say silence and solitude times time. you just gotta be patient and hear it sometimes three, four, five, six times to to make sure that that's confirmed. Yeah. I think that's solid. So yep. So I I think I wanted to kind of just talk about that for a moment because it's hard to discern and dad sometimes will get this wrong. Like, you know, something that was a a good desire begins to r run a little wild. Like you start dabbling in things that You know, it's just a little guilty pleasure and it it begins to rule you and that's where like if you can catch that quicker, the damage isn't done and you can resubmit it to your deep desires and and we all have deep desires to be present dads. We have deep desires to see our children grow to be a part of our lives, to make an impact at our works and we don't wanna sacrifice those 'cause next thing you know the the strong desire has gotten out of out of control. So Let's talk about ruling over our desires, so that the strong desire doesn't steal from the deep desire. the goal is not to kill your desires. Again, it's not to feel guilty that you have a hobby or you enjoy eating or drinking something, or that you like spending time with friends, or that you want to succeed at work, that you enjoy fitness, that you care about what other people think about you. All those things aren't aren't necessarily bad. It's ordering them. So that you rule over them and not any of those things that I just mentioned rule over you. because this the strong ones, they will. They will try and overtake those deep desires and they will tax you from being able to invest the creativity, the time, the energy needed to see that. So practically, Reese, what is ruling over a strong desire? A loud, a brief, an impulsive desire? What does that look like on a normal night or a normal day to day basis? Let's get Let's just get real honest and real practical with the dads and see see if it's something that they can relate to. Sure. I got or I have two that came to mind. one of was f like free time, alone time, and then the other one was food. Yeah. and I guess this is kind of part of my world with training and fitness and stuff like that. But there's a big difference between hunger and craving. Yeah. Mainly talking about cravings in this instance. Yeah. Hunger's a need, cravings are not. So hunger is like one of the most one of the strongest human biological desires. Cravings seem like they are, but they're they're not. they just are kind of built in habits. So one of those things would be like sugar. Yep. If you're craving a specific type of food, which I do in the evenings, I love dessert. all kinds. There's not A lot of dessert that I don't like. Bro, you eat a lot of sugar with it. I love I love me some sugar. Yeah. and up until now it hasn't cost me in any way, shape, or form. You look amazing. Thank you. Yeah. Keep feeding that strong desire, bro. Yeah. This is a schmedium. Dried it twice. Yeah. Extra hot. Extra hot dry drying session on this shirt. that I've had since I was twelve. anyways. yeah, I I love sugar. So that was one free time in sugar. And the practical sense of this is I don't really I will say right now we got some sweets at the house, but I would say 80% of the time I keep almost no sweets at the house because that's where that's my daily, that's where I'm at every day. Yeah. you all will probably see me overindulge almost every time we have a family reunion, and it's because I'm okay with that as long as most of the time it's not at my house. Yeah, it's once a month we get together or less, you know. That's never happened. We've gotten together countless times. But as Barthes. You tried to save me. as long as I don't have it at the house, and I just do it at the at the reunions seven times a month. No, I'm just kidding. so that would be one way that I try to rule over that desire is by not having it around. The difficulty comes when you have to learn how to moderate your desires with that stuff around, but that doesn't mean you should just keep it around your house for no reason. like under the guise of Well, I need to learn to control myself. So I'm gonna keep I'm gonna keep this thing that's tempting me around so that I can practice that discipline. There might be a place for that at some point, but for the most part, for me, keeping sugar, and I mainly mean like anything from candy, chocolate, ice cream, baked goods, that kind of stuff. I don't mean keeping literal sugar at your house, but again, maybe that's something fat off fruit. Yes, fat all fruit, little Nate Bargatsy plug right there. I love that. I'm not gonna quote I'm about to go into like something. Show me a friend who got fat off eating too much pineapple or something like that. Let me see him. so that'd be one and then bedtime. you keep stealing mine, dude. That's so How could you put bedtime? Come on, riff, bro. No. I'm just kidding. I don't ever want to go to bed. If it were up to me, God's design for us to sleep to be rejuvenated and start the following day is probably one of the things I have am the most angry about with God. not actually, I don't think I've ever told him that. But now that I think about it, I don't like it. I don't like having to go to sleep. which probably says more about how I feel about my The following day in my life, but I don't like for the party to end, which is funny because I don't like parties, but I don't like for the fun. I don't like for the fun to end, I don't like for the freedom to end. So I know when I go to bed, I will essentially lose the conscious ability to make my own decisions. And then when I wake up, responsibilities are back, new day, reset. in seasons where I'm healthy, that's not that bad. And I'm excited about the opportunity to go out there and make a difference every day. In other seasons, I'm thinking I'm depleted. I need to think about number one, which tends to be me when I'm unhealthy. And and by unhealthy, I mean my headspace is just unhealthy. So practically what it looks like to rule over that rather than letting it rule over me is I don't just ignore the fact that I desire to have time alone and have free time or unstructured time. but I put parameters and boundaries around it and I don't just keep those in my head. So the parameters and boundaries I would share with with Ellie. Like Hey, I'm I wanna be in bed by ten thirty every night. I don't know about y'all's spouses, but if I'm up at eleven after I told her that I'd like to be in bed by ten thirty every night, I'll I'll hear about it pretty quick. My wife's the opposite. she wants you. No, I'm like, babe, we gotta go to bed after this episode. And then she'll just be so upset that I actually followed through. You got the odd one out. I'm I'm it doesn't If I said something and then all of a sudden I'm like not there. Yeah. Jordan's like, what the heck, man? You you you said this or you're Mr. Empty Promises over here. Yeah, we got one. You the auto announcement. I'll be priming her and she's still like upset. She's we didn't watch a full episode. It started halfway through. Well, now hold on, because my wife will only hold me to stuff that isn't like well, you know what, she'll probably hold me to both, but she's more inclined to things that Aren't like counterproductive towards her own desires. Does your wife want to stay up? absolutely. That's what it is. Ellie wants to go to bed. Gotcha. So she's excited to be like, it's 10 37. Dude, we'd be watching Diners, Driveins, and Dives. That's our thing. Because it's you can't not be happy watching that show. It's like the most like think like you don't have to think at all, guy fed it. He'd be eating some trash stuff. He's just pumped about life. That sounds like something I need to watch. It just makes you happy. And it is, it's quality time, but like rollover desires, like I Bedtime, bro, when it I if I say I'm going to bed at ten, I'm going to bed at ten. That's why I joke at the end of all these podcasts. I'm like, it's ten fifteen, I'm going to sleep, y'all. So but yeah, that's when I don't I don't have trouble with that I actually can rule over. And it's just because I'm a butthole if I don't get my seven hours or more, honestly. Yeah. My my problem is I don't necessarily become a butthole if I don't get enough sleep. I just don't make good decisions. Yeah. or I don't make better decisions. Yeah. There were decisions on the table that I could have made or made more easily. Sure. so yeah, that's a big one for me. And then the food. The food thing's just like there's a time and place for it. I don't move around quite as much as I used to, despite being a personal trainer. I just I used to work out and have sports and all the other things going on. So I just feel like crap if I yeah, overindulge on sweets more often than not. So yeah, not not a big fan of that one. And I I like to be in control of my my sweet consumption throughout the week. So taking it a step further, what structures or habits do you have built that give your deep desires a fighting chance against the loud ones, buddy? Yeah. I mean habits are structures for me. I've kind of touched on this. I stop work at four fifty every day and if I gotta get up early, like I I open my laptop at probably six forty five this morning to to get some time in early because I like to do that on Mondays to kinda get ahead. But I gotta be done at four fifty. my strong desire for that is I I like achieving, I like people pleasing, I like making money, I like serving people. So working in business development, you mean you can you can make more money and climb the ladder and serve and help more people the more hours you put in. So I have to like put in a spoken expectation that my wife she will and she should and I I've told her to. If it's four fifty two, she asks, Hey, are you wrapping up? I mean she's not mad, but she's just asking. And we got three young kids. She's expecting. The kids are a little extra wild around five o'clock, which is the greatest thing when you work from home, just to walk out of your door. So my discipline is when I do it correctly is I finish at four forty five. I take five minutes of silence and prayer to get my mind right for second shift. And but yeah, I have to be done. So that's a structure and a habit because my my deep desire underneath it is to be present in my household, to be the thermostat of my household that sets the tone for the evening, to serve my wife, to invest in my marriage. And that's that's deeper than even the strong desire to people please at work or achieve or succeed or whatever it is. So so that's one Sabbath is a big one for me because it actually allows my deep desires to to to come up. because it's a time to delight and create be creative and get some rest and spend time with people and to be reminded of the most important things in life, not just like the quick things of whether it's an extra drink or fifteen minutes of scrolling on the phone or you know, watching T V and not going to bed or like the things that are are not life giving, are not the things I would say are most valuable. But what's most valuable in my life is being out in the woods with my kids or going to Soccer practice and lingering and staying around afterwards and talking to people or picking up cinnamon rolls from Wally's and eating that and having a time of prayer with my kids. So yeah, that's that's what this last Saturday was. And by the end of it, man, I was like rejuvenated and reminded of like my family's important, outdoors is important, my marriage is important, spending time with Madeline. So yeah, those are those are two the last thing I'll say is I forfeit my privacy. So what I mean by that is in order to keep any deep dise like a like a bad desire. I wouldn't even call it like a strong I guess it would be a strong, like an impulsive desire to look at something you shouldn't, talk to someone inappropriately. Dude, I don't I don't have privacy when it comes to like my wife or people like y'all, like my brothers, like you wanna look on my phone right now, you look on my phone. Like anywhere. If you wanna ask how my day was and what I did or f you know, I work with my door open, like I don't My laptop like I don't have privacy. I forfeit that to the not the world. I don't need to all you listeners don't need to know everything about my life. But I mean, there's a handful of people that they can and should know anything about my life and that helps keep that in check of I don't got anything hidden. but obviously if you do hide, that's when some of those strong desires can be tempting. So I think just forfeiting privacy is a really big one too. Mm. that's a good one. I'll throw it back. What'd I miss? Back clean up, what you got? Well, you mentioned something that I was thinking about you mentioned being done at four fifty. It's real fun when the kids get a little crazy right at five PM. Yeah. I had someone in my life that's super important ask me this question and it wasn't this producer Noah's wife, Jordan. what what what's more difficult or what is like a harder day for me? Being with Roman all day or going to work and then being with Roman just like for second shift in the evening. Yeah. And I was curious what how you all felt about that question because I told her that my answer's gonna sound like the dad answer, but it's not that it's harder. It's that it's harder for me. Work and then second shift is way harder for me than than staying home with Roman all day. I also just have the one and he's pretty happy kid and likes to just run around and play and Take naps and stuff like that. So I was I told her, I was like, my answer could easily change. Come right. G give it give it some time. But as of right now, I love my job, but doing work and then coming home and basically just hanging out with Roman, end of the day, dinner, bed, definitely the harder of the two. More draining or difficult of the two for me. So Yeah, I don't know. I will answer this. Yeah. Are you asking me? I was asking if y'all had any. Any thoughts or I don't spend a lot of time. I mean I have I've Madeline's taking some trips and stuff. I would say it's it is much harder even with two and now with three to be solo parenting. Yeah. That's brutal. I would I would say like it's hard, but I I feel my cup up like relationally. I feel a sense of achievement at my job. I have some some solitude when I sometimes, you know, I'm not working with teammates or making calls. Like sure. I put in headphones for ninety minutes and I crank on a project like That's good. But the constant simulation, like I'll do patern that's what it is. I could compare it to paternity leave. Paternity leave was tough 'cause it was. I took the two oldest pretty much most of the day. as Madeline that first five to eight days especially was kind of recovering and obviously had a lot of hands on time with Karis. it's different, but I would say I was more tired watching our two oldest kids. Sure. so shout out to the shout out single moms and dads, man. Yeah. Y'all they're killing it. I have loved doing the day with the kids. Sure. I We were built to be stay at home dads. I mean it it's been it's been fun. I w I was not. I don't do I don't do that every I don't do that every day, so like I don't I don't get all of the shades of Mason and Campbell that are just the worst and Campbell is in her screeching phase right now. She is in another register than Mason ever got. So that's been a lot. but we've had a couple of inconsistent times with just trying to kind of figure out work with Jordan. So there have been a couple of days recently, in the past couple of weeks, in in sequential weeks, that I've had to take off in order to watch the kids so that she can work. and it's been I I've really enjoyed it. Most often like to to wake up and be like, Okay, I'm just gonna hang out with the kids and and do stuff. It's I have a greater both a greater love for that As well as a greater understanding for why Jordan is like, Okay, time for you to come home. Can you please? Yeah. Like four fifty, I need you to come take the kids. Two minutes late. but yeah, I I would choose the I would choose to be with the kids the whole day rather than working and then then coming back 'cause I think it's a a set of expectations, like with the kids, these are th this is my job for the day. Yeah. and then if I go work my actual job. Like that's my job for the day, but then I come back to a second job as opposed to I just have one job today. Yeah. so yeah. But I I would choose to be with them the whole day. I and I think it it may come down to that switching back and forth. Like I know that this is what I'm getting myself into. Yeah. and I've watched Jordan do a normal day enough times to know, okay, I know kind of the main beats I'm supposed to hit. I can I can do this. Even with two kids. And granted it's not three. but there are some complexities to it. I I still would choose the day with them. Yeah. Because there are points in that day where I can be like, sweet, I can do something outside of work, outside of job. There's there are like little moments and I can take those as opposed to at a job when like there's always another deadline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me ask you this. This seems like a morbid question, but I don't it's a it's a legit one. I'm not joking. 'Cause I've thought about it. If your wife were to pass away and let's say you had the finances to take time off, would you or let's just say you had the finances you didn't have to work for five years, life insurance or whatever. Sure. Would would you go back to work or would you take that time off? I mean that's you're gonna assume you're gonna take a few months off, right? That that would be a hard one because it Easy on the spot question to answer. No thought required. like the it would be helpful to have something outside of my family that I could sink my teeth into and kind of put my focus on in in that particular scenario. after a couple of months where like yeah, you know what I don't even I don't know. You don't got to put a timeline after you grieve, you process. Yeah. Yeah, I would probably I would I would choose to just kinda just hang out with hang out with them and kinda figure out what what life looked like from there. And that's me saying this, like grass is always greener. I'm sure I'm very much speaking from a grass. Put you on the spot. You had no idea. But I have I enjoyed getting to do the days with them. I think it would be something, it would be a challenge to find, okay, what do I do to to find new things to do with them because right now I can do kind of a typical normal process with them because that's what I've seen Jordan do. That's kinda they're used to that routine. But she's often the one to find new things to do with them to kinda keep their interest going and things. So that would be a challenge I haven't yet had to go through. Yeah. but yeah, no, I would choose to I would choose to be at home with them as opposed to going back to work. Thanks for sharing. Yeah. You ask me? Sure. I think I would choose to stay home with Roman, and any other potential children we have at that point. but I think I would really be looking to the people in my life that I'm leaning on to tell me whether they thought that was a healthy or good thing for for the kids or me. Yeah. 'cause I don't know what I would be like when I'm in distress or like high grief. I can go a lot of different ways. so I don't really know. I I certainly wouldn't want to be home and almost be causing more harm than help with Roman or any other kids that we have. But I also know myself well enough to know at least at the beginning work would not be happening. at least at the beginning. Yeah, yeah, for sure. But yeah, I think I I think I would choose to s stay home with Roman, at least for a bit. I don't know if I I don't ever plan on stopping working. So like I don't plan on retiring. I might plan on scaling back. Yeah, it looks different. but like I don't have any plans to retire like fully. or if I do, it would be like a retirement from a certain business before I start doing I don't know, like a some a passion project for twenty hours a week or something like that. Just some something work related. 'Cause me with unstructured five days at a time is not a pretty scene for anyone. Maybe I will have disciplined and tempered myself through only God's help, by the time I'm retirement age. But if you told me I have unlimited free time right now, it would be a disaster. So so yeah, I I think that I would stay home for a bit, see how it goes, probably try to get people's opinion. that I trust and that love me, care about me, see if that's a good thing or if they think that that's really helping more than hurting and then make a decision based on that. And eventually the goal would be to go back to work to some ki to some capacity or some extent. So yeah, I don't know. It's weird. But I guess you said if money's taken care of, then I don't know. I'd love to be with my kids while we process and grieve that type of situation. So Yeah, sorry, I derailed No, you're good. I just I literally think about that, so I was just curious y'all's perspective. I it's probably not healthy, I do think about that, but No. but yeah, it's just one of those things you start thinking about your career and your marriage and your family and your provision and all those things. So you asked me something if you're i if you want to move on, that's fine. No, no, no, circle back. I think that you had asked me what structures and habits I had. Yeah. And stuff like that. I kind of mentioned it with the with the food, but For me, a lot of it is like a lot of it's accountability. So like if I have people that I've I don't like to I don't really keep goals to myself a lot of the time, especially if I'm gonna be specific. Yeah. Unless it's something that I feel really confident in. And then if I've failed multiple times, then I start really becoming less confident. I'm like, I should probably mention this to somebody. but telling Ellie's been great, like, hey, I don't wanna do we help each other. So like we'll set standards for our household that we say to each other, And then it's much easier to hold each other accountable unless it's something that we both suck at. Then then it then it's just like we need to tell somebody. Yeah. man. Like that's the classic one. We're b like if we were trying to cut desserts, but we both love sugar and stuff like that. we should probably stop at Milky Way local ice cream place. no free shout outs. Yeah, no free shout outs. That's right. we should probably stop Milky Way and then we're both like, should we totally do it? wink and then we're next thing you know we're getting I'm gonna get split a large yeah yeah for real. but telling people is helpful. I also wrote down for myself making the deep desires like easier to s to like put things towards that versus making the stronger desires more difficult. Like again, keeping sweets out of the house, that makes that strong desire I have to get in my car and go somewhere. Sure. and Most evenings once I'm home, I'm like, forget that, I'm not going anywhere. Sucks to suck. You don't have any you don't have any sweets. Yeah. but other things would be like I put sometimes I know that I'll go to bed late, so I'll get up later. I'll just get everything done that night that I would typically do in the morning. Yeah. Again. I don't necessarily recommend that as like a you can just stay up later and not sleep very much, but making my morning less frantic by prepping stuff the night before and things like that. Cause my I haven't really been mentioning my deep desire. My deep desire is to be a well-rested man in control of himself the way God has asked me to be for my family, for myself, for my relationship with Jesus. It's not just to sleep. Yeah. it's not just to get some extra sleep and stuff like that. I have been wearing this fitness tracker for almost five years. When I tell you I have not averaged more than six and a half hours of sleep over a 30 day rolling period in all five years that I've had this. That's crazy. That is the truth. That's crazy. I have managed to average seven hours of sleep in seven day periods. I have never managed to do it over a 30 day rolling period. That's insane to me. So and you know what's funny? I honestly got closest when life forced me to view sleep as a premium. Yeah so like I got closest. When Roman was really little because he was waking me up in the middle of the night. So I was telling Ellie, it's seven thirty PM. He just went down. I'm going to sleep. sleep when the baby's because my eye is twitching and I'm about to freak out and lose my mind. So I would love to get to a spot in my life where I didn't force God's hand in the sense where he's like, If I don't do this severely, he just won't get it. Yeah. so yeah. Yeah. Man, I don't I don't know if I've made it in the last ten years not getting at least six and a half hours besides the newborn stage, which has only been three or four months for each kid. Yeah. let's two questions. Yeah. I'll take one, you can take one, but let's I I'll do kind of the more morbid side of it. What's what's the cost of not doing this? Fast forward a decade or fast forward when your kids are thirty, if it's more than a decade. when you're hoping they're they're thanking you. But what's at stake if we don't do this? If we don't get in control of the loud desires, of the impulsive, of the strong desires? what are our kids going to be saying? What's at stake if Yeah, if we don't if we don't rule over this? I put some I I said I'm obese. got really practical practical. three seventy. Yeah. All for body positivity, but health metrics are real. And if you need help, get some help. but I seriously, I I think that I I will have let myself go physically. and as much as I don't like to admit it, my physical discipline bleeds into my mental and spiritual discipline in a major way. and vice versa. So they all just kind of bleed together. But I have a lack of physical discipline, a lack of mental fortitude, resilience, and I really am just looking out for my own desires. And to be honest with you, after you've given in to desires so many times, the desire is so strong it feels like a need. It's not, but you justify it. You justify it as a need, and you almost view it as like a Reason to put yourself in front of others rather than behind them, or immunity. that's right. But you put your own needs, strong desires ahead of other people's legitimate needs, especially people closest to you that are in your daily rhythm. So for me, ten years from now, it would be that I think less of myself. people that I'm closest with, maybe don't intentionally think less of me, but just have a I'm not as dependable in their mind. I'm not as reliable. I tend to think about myself more and what I want versus what my family needed, things like that. So my relationship with God would be He would feel distant, most likely. and I will have basically chosen the life where I get to be in charge and submit to my my human nature and my flesh rather than submitting to a life where I'm walking with God. So some great phrase that I really want to say that I can't think of right now that's talks about basically you have two choices and one of them is to let God rule over your life where you can rule over your life, but it sounds way better than that. Yeah, I mean you can choose choose your sin or your con or you can choose your sin. Help me out here. But you can't choose the consequences, right? Exactly. We s we I mean, gosh, that was a sermon at Tritors Point earlier this summer that I think wrecked all of us of like, yeah, you can you can choose the big sin or the little sin, the secret sin, yeah. The small mistakes that stack on each other. 'cause habits stack one way or the other. But you can't choose the consequences. once once the the th the things grown, And I'm seeing I mean what's at stake is I'm I'm seeing it in some friends' lives. I got a friend whose marriage is really, really in a bad place and he's he's made multiple mistakes for a season and yeah, so I'm I'm walking with him but I'm also learning from it. and kinda trying to autopsy my life and the humility of like, dude, this could happen to me. Absolutely could happen to me without the Lord's grace and without ruling over this without not my own power, the power of God. I also just think you d could live a life of regret. Yeah. I mean like I didn't make an impact in my career like I wanted physically, like my fitness discipline, like forget being overweight. Like If man ten years from now it's gonna be a lot harder to run a marathon than it is right now. I can promise you that. I know they say fitter at forty, but gosh man, like time's running out there. For sure. Some of these memories that you can make with your kids. Yeah like dude like re regret of like not being there. So I don't want to be like fearful of that, but I absolutely wanna be aware of gosh man, I I can't be in control of everything in my life. I wanna be, but I can't. But I'll what I can control is is what I do with my desires. And with the power of God, like I'll submit that to him and he'll do with it what he wants. For sure. So dude, flip it. Give us give us the good side of this coin. But yeah, I mean honestly the sobering reality is ten years from now, like I wanna live with. No, I don't either. So yeah. Other side of the coin, ten years had you done these things. for me, I think that I would be the disciplined, joyful, content man of God that he created me to be, and that would be a blessing to myself, my family, and create a vibrant relationship with. God 'cause I I love I love the practical desire to do things for God and others. I think that that's who it would serve. if I if I were to really take this stuff seriously. I would be more content. And I would spend more of my time. I would basically give up my I like to control meeting my own needs or my own desires. But I think that if I chose to do it the other way ten year ten years from now, I would have given my desires and and needs over to the Lord so that and then just kind of just focused on other people, like other people's needs and said, Hey, God, I've got these desires and needs. And I have a hard time categorizing them. I'm gonna let you handle these. I'm gonna let you take care of these. And I'm just gonna focus on your your other the other ones that you love. and so like if you don't fill them, I'm not gonna fill them. So I need you to I need you to step not step up, but I need you to step in and take care of me. You create that vacuum because you can't fill it unless you l actually allow it to be emptied. Yes. And Once you've kind of lived a life of being filled up by God and pouring out onto others, I find a lot of times when you stop choosing to be filled up by by God, you keep trying to pour out on others and it feels weird because you're like, I'm exhausted and I I don't know what I'm doing differently. Sometimes I don't realize that I've stopped going to God to be filled up and I've started doing trying to fill myself up. But I'm constantly trying to pour out on other people because I've had learned to do that and I had made a habit of doing that when God was filling me up 'cause you can o you can't even help it. Yeah. When he's filling you up, all you want to do is just serve serve him and serve others. But that doesn't that desire doesn't has not gone away from has not gone away from me whenever I have stopped being filled up by him. Yeah. And trying to pour out on others what I don't have is infuriating. Yeah. And draining. So Yeah. It lacks joy. Yeah. But you Yeah, if I if I rule over my desires for a decade, I wrote I just wrote down W W D D, What Would Dad Do. And I think my my all the time I'm telling my kids, Show me, don't tell me. They'll say something, yeah, I'm gonna listen to I'm gonna pick this up, show me, don't tell me. I my coach used to say that I hated that high school sports dude, but but it's so true and and and if I have a decade of showing them what it looks like to eat healthy, showing them for them to get out of bed before they're supposed to, but they see me reading my Bible or working out in the garage. I show them that they're the most important thing in my life, not my career. I show them what it looks like to honor their mom. Like, especially like when you have a son, it just feels different of I want them to default if they don't know what to do in a situation, to be able to think, what would my dad have done? And not just the big crossroad decisions of life of And not 'cause you're ego. Yeah. Yeah, just 'cause you want to set a good example for Just because like and that's who it's because it's who I it's who I've become. Yeah. Not because of what I'm doing, but it's because who I've become. And I'm still in process of that. Like I've I've not become the type of person yet where I'm like, I want my kids to be just like me. But I hope in a decade of like ruling over desires, and I would say that's a deep desire of my life that it's gonna take a decade to get there is to develop into the Christ like man that I would be proud if my son followed in my footsteps, you know. But I wanna be there now. I wanna be there now. That's just strong desire. It's tough. It's strong, you know, like but you can't fake this. It's so much less sexy to just commit to doing the you the stuff day in and day out. But the most one of the most sanctifying things in your life is having children. Yeah. Becoming a dad in and of itself and the selflessness and the prioritization of all your priorities get thrown out of whack and you have to learn how to rebuild them and in what order. It's it's figuring out how to submit those to good, deep desires that God's given you. And a lot of times I know what those are. I've spent enough time alone with God to know it. It's just about consistently showing up every day and doing it. I think it's worth also acknowledging our children, in our case, especially our our sons, more often than not will either genetically or just by observing will ab have some of the same things that we have had to work through over the course of our time. So yeah. So to your point of Poor kid. What what's what are the consequences if you do not show this? Yeah. They fall right back into the same things that you all that that we that I wrestle with. And you you all know me. Like I I know me. There are things like A that I went through as a kid that I'm going through now that I'm like I do not want him to be in the same place of trial and error and just kind of winging it and failing miserably. Yeah. I want to set a good example. And then I want to be able to say, I know exactly where you have been. And the things that I'm doing now are a result of that. And I want you to see them and model them so that you do not, because I I know what that looks like. And if the if my son is anything like me, he will learn the hard way over and over and over again. But I will get to be able to be there to point and and kind of help supplement that to be like, Okay, you don't have to learn the hard way. I did. Here's what you can do differently. And then that'll lead to new things that he'll then have to encounter and I haven't yet had to encounter. But I want to set that example for him because if I don't, he is likely to just fall into the exact same patterns that I have lived with and modeled either intentionally or unintentionally. And there are some of the things that I'm like, sweet, I want you to do this. And many things I'm like, Lord, please Do not let him do the exact same things that I do. And that's generational sin. Some church traditions call it generational curse. And Jesus has come to defeat that. So when Jesus comes to defeat the power of sin in our lives, it's not just forgiving my son for the punishment of his sin. It's literally the sin that could flow through me to him because of my example. Jesus is saving me from. And helping me become the type of person that I then don't transmit that to him because now I'm actually a vehicle of salvation because he sees the person of Jesus in me and not a person of the flesh or this world. And that that's literally the calling of of what it means to be dads is we partner with God for the salvation of our kids, not just to tell them about what it looks like to trust Jesus to be forgiven, but to actually stop the transmission of d generational sin that you could trace back certain sin habits or struggles. For generations. And it's like, man, I'm a I'm a break that curse by the power of Jesus and and the example of our kids. And then our kids have to decide ultimately. You know, like we just we just get to partner with God in that. We don't get to control it. For sure. Ready for a little challenge, a little practice. Yeah, I think we just had church right there, as they say sometimes, but Yeah, that was good. Thanks for sharing that, Noah. Yeah, what we got? A little takeaway. We gotta keep this under an hour, man. I gotta get to bed. It's like it's like ten fifteen. So yeah, what movie are we watching? challenge for our listeners this week and for ourselves. I gotta do a better job. Maybe we can incorporate it into the shows. Sometimes I give these challenges and then I don't think about them for the week. So let's not do that. Yeah, let's probably do it. so let's incorporate this one into next week's show. When you get a second, plan a fifteen minute phone free window this week to ask what do I actually want my life and why? And bring one thing you noticed back to your spouse and friends. Last part's critical. If you keep it to yourself, you're one of those unicorns that can just follow through on stuff you keep to yourself, great. You should still go tell somebody and five of your friends to subscribe to the pod. Absolutely. Yeah. Go tell them about what you learned and then go open up YouTube and subscribe to the pod on their phone. So but yeah, find a stump, get bored, talk to God, what do you really want for your life and why? Mm-hmm. I like that Reese. You wanna close us out in prayer? Let's pray. Cool. Jesus, we're so grateful for who you are, just your nature. The grace and mercy that you wash over us. in my own experience, it's been a life of trying and trying and trying, and striving to live a certain way. and the joy and peace that I get to experience knowing that you lived that life that I'm trying and striving for. You live that life that that every Christian walks and tries to live. and you did it perfectly. Yeah. Lord, we're grateful to have a savior who can relate to our experience as humans as you faced every difficulty that we would ever face and overcame. you conquered your strongest desires and you fulfilled your deepest desires, Lord, and you fulfilled the deepest desires of the Father. and I pray that that's something that you would help us walk in each and every day. I pray that you would fill us with your spirit, that the things that you're asking us to do, you wouldn't let us falter by our own strength, but that you would fill us with your spirit strength to go out and carry those carry your will out, Lord, because I can't do it. I can't carry your will out without you. So Lord, I pray that you would just wash over us your spirit and that you would help us carry out anything that you're asking us to do. Lord, I pray that you'd be with anybody listening to this this week, that you'd fill them with joy and peace and love and contentment. And that we wouldn't try and pour out what we do not have. But that we'd be filled up by you and poured out to our loved ones into our communities over our enemies, Lord. We love you. Amen. Amen. Have a great week, y'all. See ya boys. Peace.