Latest / Armstrong & Getty One More Thing / 'Merica!

Transcript

'Merica! · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

0:00
Speaker 1: America. It's one more thing. I thought I would be annoyed,
0:11
Speaker 1: but I was charmed. But first to follow up from
0:14
Speaker 1: uh was it the other day? I can't remember the
0:16
Speaker 1: one more thing where Michael Aangelo told his mystifying story
0:19
Speaker 1: of maybe road rage thing attempt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We
0:29
Speaker 1: did not get many theories about what was going on
0:33
Speaker 1: that held water at all. And if you didn't hear it,
0:36
Speaker 1: I believe it is August fifths. One more thing, anyway,
0:42
Speaker 1: is that right two days ago? Or was that yesterday?
0:46
Speaker 1: It was yesterday? Yesterday? Okay, yeah, I guess it was wednesday.
0:49
Speaker 1: We skipped Yeah, all right, so it was August sixth.
0:52
Speaker 1: The only email worth mentioning is Rebecca from Sue Falls,
0:56
Speaker 1: who says I work for a well known auto insurance company.
0:59
Speaker 1: In the claims bar, listening to Michael Angelo described the incident, accident,
1:03
Speaker 1: he was almost in raised insurance fraud red flags for me.
1:06
Speaker 1: Common tactic scammers used to get insurance money, try to
1:09
Speaker 1: stage or cause an accident and typically have oh, look
1:13
Speaker 1: a third party you witnessed the event and will testify.
1:16
Speaker 2: You were here, right, Katie. I was a very short version.
1:20
Speaker 1: Uh.
1:20
Speaker 2: Somebody pulls into the parking lot. Michael almost got hit
1:23
Speaker 2: by a car. Then he pulls into the parking lot
1:26
Speaker 2: and somebody pulls up and says, hey, you almost hit me.
1:28
Speaker 2: Then somebody else shows up and says, I was a
1:30
Speaker 2: witness he almost hit Uh yeah, that scream scammed to me.
1:35
Speaker 2: Well yeah, but they didn't hit him, So what are
1:37
Speaker 2: you going to claim?
1:39
Speaker 1: Well, and that's that's the funny thing. Here's Rebecca. The
1:42
Speaker 1: fact that these people approached him after their attempt at
1:44
Speaker 1: causing an accident failed.
1:46
Speaker 2: They miss.
1:46
Speaker 1: His mind boggled.
1:47
Speaker 2: Right again, a lot of criminals are really stupid. The
1:52
Speaker 2: one person he says, hey, if you miss, we got
1:55
Speaker 2: a board, we gotta pull a plug and then try
1:57
Speaker 2: an Oh, because she didn't actually with them, I can't
2:02
Speaker 2: claim I saw a wreck if I didn't see a wreck.
2:06
Speaker 1: And then she said I highly recommend dash cameras.
2:08
Speaker 2: So ah, that's one thing I do like about the Tesla.
2:10
Speaker 2: I got everything on film all the time.
2:13
Speaker 1: But the main topic of the podcast today. And I
2:15
Speaker 1: expected to be annoyed by this because it was from
2:17
Speaker 1: the New York Times, but I was not. I was
2:21
Speaker 1: actually amused. The premise of this article is, do you
2:26
Speaker 1: want to understand America. Look at our stuff. And this
2:29
Speaker 1: this gal who wrote this, what's her name, Emily Keegan,
2:33
Speaker 1: Welcome to my Museum of America. Twenty five things Objects
2:40
Speaker 1: that explain America. And I thought, hey, it's freaking New
2:44
Speaker 1: York Times. There was a number of sixteen nineteen projects
2:48
Speaker 1: spout and sons of bitches. Number one, the four ninety
2:52
Speaker 1: nine cost Co rotisserie chicken. They say we're a divided country.
2:57
Speaker 1: They say we have nothing in common. Right, left, urban
3:00
Speaker 1: rural men, women, Real America, Fake America. Spend a Saturday
3:03
Speaker 1: afternoon wandering the isles of your nearest Costco. You'll find
3:06
Speaker 1: quickly that we are no different at all. Americans want
3:09
Speaker 1: the same thing a four dollars ninety nine cent rotisserie chicken,
3:13
Speaker 1: a dollar fifty hot dog, and a cartful of enough
3:15
Speaker 1: stuff to survive a nuclear winter. At Costco, we are
3:18
Speaker 1: one nation under God with bulk groceries for all.
3:21
Speaker 2: I'm glad the math works on that, and I suppose
3:23
Speaker 2: it does on me. I don't know if I've ever
3:25
Speaker 2: gone in there and just gotten the chicken and walked out,
3:27
Speaker 2: so uh, but man, that's a dang good chicken, especially
3:31
Speaker 2: for that price.
3:32
Speaker 1: Please, and virtually every grocery store in America does it now.
3:36
Speaker 1: And you know, I've got a rotisseri on my fancy
3:38
Speaker 1: new grill that I need to use. But every time
3:41
Speaker 1: I think, oh, you know, it's delicious, or rotisserie chicken,
3:44
Speaker 1: and then I think, okay, I'll get a chicken. I'll
3:47
Speaker 1: get this spice off its head. I'll well, I think
3:50
Speaker 1: I'll get one pre decavitated. But you know, I'll go
3:54
Speaker 1: ahead and spice her up. I'll fire up, I'll figure
3:56
Speaker 1: out how the rotisseri works, I'll fire up the grill,
3:59
Speaker 1: and I think I'm gonna go to the f and
4:00
Speaker 1: grocery store and buy one because they're really good. Five dollars,
4:04
Speaker 1: six dollars, seven, eight dollars, It doesn't matter, because they
4:06
Speaker 1: are really good. But let's continue on her Museum of America.
4:11
Speaker 1: Plastic lawn flamengos.
4:14
Speaker 2: We never had them. I always enjoyed people that did.
4:18
Speaker 2: My family never had the plastic lawn flamingo. Yes, Katie,
4:20
Speaker 2: you have a flamingo.
4:22
Speaker 3: Oh, in the town where I grew up, you could
4:24
Speaker 3: actually flamingo somebody's house. And there was a company that
4:26
Speaker 3: would take like fifty to the house and just cover
4:28
Speaker 3: the whole front lawn.
4:29
Speaker 2: Loved doing that. And in Wisconsin as a kid, the
4:32
Speaker 2: people who would dress them up for the season, you know,
4:34
Speaker 2: winter goats.
4:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, and what's funny. And I'm not going to read
4:37
Speaker 1: this whole thing because it's too long. But and she
4:39
Speaker 1: writes up every item in a very funny way. She's
4:41
Speaker 1: a very clever writer. But this entire screed that she
4:45
Speaker 1: writes is about lawns and not about lawn flamengos at all.
4:51
Speaker 1: But she says, our lawns might be agriculturally worthless, economic sinkholes,
4:55
Speaker 1: requiring hard labor and constant maintenance. But the American urge
4:58
Speaker 1: to tame the wilderness by transforming it in our own
5:00
Speaker 1: image is hard to deny. What we once called pioneering,
5:03
Speaker 1: we now call mowing the grass. And I wonder if
5:06
Speaker 1: she's onto something there, taming the wilderness, making it comfortable
5:11
Speaker 1: for ourselves and attractive. And I realize this is mostly humor,
5:16
Speaker 1: but I think she's kind of made a good point there, well,
5:18
Speaker 1: as if I don't know that humor can make good points.
5:20
Speaker 1: And she goes with the juicy couture sweatsuit. Oh there
5:24
Speaker 1: you go, a young Paris Hilton turned the leisure suit
5:28
Speaker 1: into a power suit by wearing juicy couture volor sets
5:31
Speaker 1: on the regular. It was a move that said, I'm
5:33
Speaker 1: so wealthy, I don't even have to get dressed.
5:36
Speaker 2: Well, and they look so thick and hot also, but
5:39
Speaker 2: apparently they look comfortable and.
5:41
Speaker 3: They say juicy across the butt right, which every dad
5:45
Speaker 3: just loves the idea of their daughter wearing juicy Or the.
5:48
Speaker 1: First time I saw that, I thought, am I seeing this?
5:50
Speaker 1: Or is some sort of cartoon caption in my own head?
5:55
Speaker 2: Well, does she get credit for kind of launching the
5:58
Speaker 2: I'm not even going to get dressed today a movement
6:00
Speaker 2: that is caught on with so many people.
6:02
Speaker 1: She's certainly one of the founding mothers of no doubt.
6:05
Speaker 2: I live in a college town and it's walking across
6:08
Speaker 2: in front of me at the stopwalk crosswalk all the time.
6:12
Speaker 3: Do you have any opinion about it? Because that is
6:13
Speaker 3: my husband's g hot. He gets so angry at pajama
6:16
Speaker 3: pants now not why.
6:19
Speaker 2: I don't know. I go back and forth between why
6:22
Speaker 2: do we wear uncomfortable clothes?
6:23
Speaker 1: Ever?
6:25
Speaker 2: And it says something about society and respect and how
6:30
Speaker 2: seriously do take things so I go back and forth
6:32
Speaker 2: between those two things.
6:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, it's funny. I'm back and forth on
6:36
Speaker 1: that too, partly because you know, I play a lot
6:39
Speaker 1: of golf, and I have some golf pants golf slacks
6:42
Speaker 1: that are incredibly comfortable. They're light, they're stretchy.
6:48
Speaker 2: All the guys around here, that's what they wear all
6:50
Speaker 2: the time. Yeah, like a T shirt and golf pants
6:52
Speaker 2: and tennis shoes.
6:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, I get out of those what people are getting
6:56
Speaker 1: out of the pjs. But I wouldn't wear pjs in public.
6:59
Speaker 1: I like this one. This is a little more wisdom
7:01
Speaker 1: and humor. The NASCAR Chevy Impalla. NASCAR Like America is
7:06
Speaker 1: built on the promise of transformation. Cars that look like
7:09
Speaker 1: the ones in our driveway are turned into elite machines
7:11
Speaker 1: capable of doing the unthinkable. That Impala you rented at
7:15
Speaker 1: the Deuce on Airport on the highway. It handled like
7:17
Speaker 1: a mattress souped up for the racetrack. It goes two
7:20
Speaker 1: hundred miles per hour and takes curves like a racehorse.
7:23
Speaker 1: NASCAR asked us to rethink our lives. Is full of
7:26
Speaker 1: possibility and gives us a reason to believe in the
7:29
Speaker 1: most American fantasy. With the right pit crew, any of
7:32
Speaker 1: us can be champions.
7:33
Speaker 2: Wow. I don't know if I agree with that, but
7:34
Speaker 2: I like the writing.
7:35
Speaker 1: I do too. I do too. Then she goes with
7:39
Speaker 1: the ring light. Because the country, the world has reached
7:43
Speaker 1: peak opinion. Everybody has an opinion. Personal injury lawyer advertisements.
7:49
Speaker 2: Whoa, Oh, it's more now than it's ever been. Did
7:53
Speaker 2: something happen with insurance companies? Is it easier to scam
7:57
Speaker 2: money now than it used to be?
7:59
Speaker 1: Yes, it must be. Try lawyers associations have become more
8:02
Speaker 1: and more powerful in more and more states.
8:05
Speaker 2: Because a friend of mine got hit with this recently,
8:08
Speaker 2: got into a minor fender bender. Guy said he was fine,
8:10
Speaker 2: asked several times, then got a letter like two weeks later.
8:14
Speaker 2: Guy was from Mexico. This person hired a one of
8:19
Speaker 2: those people off of billboard from LA and insurance company said,
8:24
Speaker 2: we'll take care of it. Just don't if they get
8:26
Speaker 2: a hold of you, don't answer any questions or anything
8:28
Speaker 2: like that. We'll take care of it. But I wonder
8:29
Speaker 2: do they always pay out? They must always pay out,
8:32
Speaker 2: They must always pay out a little bit enough that
8:36
Speaker 2: we got to fix that. As a system. Half the
8:39
Speaker 2: billboards on the interstate shouldn't be saying did you get
8:41
Speaker 2: in a wreck?
8:42
Speaker 1: Did you get in wrecked?
8:42
Speaker 2: Give me called you've gotten e wrecked because I'm gonna
8:44
Speaker 2: screw somebody, and even though you're not hurt.
8:46
Speaker 1: It's by far the number one category on billboards in America.
8:49
Speaker 1: It's not even close. And back to this gals clever
8:52
Speaker 1: lighting writing. She writes, you know all of these commercials
8:58
Speaker 1: and what you're just saying also be Oh the sheer
9:01
Speaker 1: number probably implies we are a nation on the brink,
9:04
Speaker 1: battered and out for blood. But it also might also
9:07
Speaker 1: be proof of a successful republic. When John Adams wrote
9:10
Speaker 1: of quote, an empire of laws and not of men,
9:13
Speaker 1: was he not dreaming of calling one eight hundred got pain? Oh?
9:19
Speaker 2: Boy, guess a slightly different, more serious angle on that
9:24
Speaker 2: that I thought of the other day. I was writing
9:26
Speaker 2: with a guy in an uber for some reason, and
9:28
Speaker 2: he was from India, and somehow the topic came up.
9:32
Speaker 2: How I always ask people about it? He loves the
9:34
Speaker 2: United States? And why do he loved the United States
9:37
Speaker 2: and all that sort of stuff. I don't know if
9:38
Speaker 2: an ambulance came by us our cup car anyway. But
9:40
Speaker 2: he brought up the topic of He said, this is
9:43
Speaker 2: the only country where an ambulance comes along and its
9:46
Speaker 2: lights are on and everybody moves out of the way.
9:48
Speaker 2: He said, in India, you're just screwed. Ambulances sit there
9:50
Speaker 2: with their lights on. Everybody knows they're going to emergency
9:53
Speaker 2: where somebody is having a heart attack or bleeding or whatever.
9:56
Speaker 2: Nobody gets out of the way. They're not going to
9:58
Speaker 2: inconvenience themselves. You just have to wait in traffic like
10:02
Speaker 2: everyone else. Is an ambulance, he said, are in the
10:04
Speaker 2: United says everybody gets out of the way, or don't
10:05
Speaker 2: fly a helicopter there if they need to pick you up.
10:08
Speaker 2: And you add some sort of wreck that doesn't happen
10:09
Speaker 2: anywhere else. And I thought that's really interesting.
10:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's a great point. I'm not sure I
10:15
Speaker 1: want to do this one. It's about the it's about
10:19
Speaker 1: Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop company has put out a number of
10:23
Speaker 1: interesting products.
10:24
Speaker 2: I thought she died in the third movie with Iron Man,
10:30
Speaker 2: and then she turned out to be alive and has superpowers.
10:33
Speaker 2: To god, dang it, spoiler alert, I was so happy
10:36
Speaker 2: she died. It's a personal pleasurement device. This is some
10:41
Speaker 2: funny writing.
10:45
Speaker 1: Is it?
10:45
Speaker 2: Is it the U?
10:47
Speaker 1: Is it the egg? Yeah? The egg?
10:50
Speaker 2: Do you put it on top of you or in't you?
10:53
Speaker 1: Do you just hold it?
10:53
Speaker 2: Do you hold it gently in your hand?
10:55
Speaker 3: Now?
10:55
Speaker 1: The second one.
11:00
Speaker 2: Said like a hen, Yes, exactly, Michael, we thought of
11:03
Speaker 2: the same thing at the same time. You sit on
11:04
Speaker 2: it like a chicken.
11:05
Speaker 1: Fuck. Well, you can make that noise if you like that,
11:09
Speaker 1: the noise I make, I'm row I'm reminded. Oh, for
11:14
Speaker 1: God's sake doing that. Hansen uses these for on air
11:21
Speaker 1: segments when we're on vacation. And if I read the sentence,
11:24
Speaker 1: it will be useless for that purpose.
11:27
Speaker 2: And if I say I crow like a rooster when
11:29
Speaker 2: I orgasm, that will ruin it.
11:33
Speaker 1: Well, something's ruined. It's ruined. I'm going to cleanse it slightly.
11:44
Speaker 1: She writes why this is such a great example of
11:48
Speaker 1: them of America. When asked to shove an egg shaped
11:52
Speaker 1: rock a power for JJ's for sixty six dollars, a
11:56
Speaker 1: health neer nation might have said heck no instead of
11:59
Speaker 1: how far. But in lieu of a functioning healthcare system,
12:04
Speaker 1: will take what we can get.
12:07
Speaker 2: Somebody says jump, don't ask how.
12:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, I also walk like this.
12:11
Speaker 2: I get out of bed and I walk around, looks he's.
12:15
Speaker 1: The rooster strutt and stop it. Never do that again.
12:18
Speaker 1: H dirty soda. They mentioned in the Museum of What
12:23
Speaker 1: Is America? The T shirt cannon.
12:26
Speaker 2: What's I gotta? I got it back just batically because
12:28
Speaker 2: it keeps coming up in my life and I don't
12:30
Speaker 2: know what it is. What's dirty soda? Every place I
12:32
Speaker 2: go they got dirty soda. I don't know what it is.
12:34
Speaker 1: It's an ungodly concoction of soda, pop flavored syrup, fresh
12:38
Speaker 1: fruit juice, and cream.
12:40
Speaker 2: Okay, man, it's the hot thing.
12:41
Speaker 1: Man.
12:41
Speaker 2: Oh, you don't drink dirty soda? A number of people
12:44
Speaker 2: have said to me recently.
12:46
Speaker 1: She says it once was popular only in Utah. It's
12:48
Speaker 1: become a nationwide sensation thanks to a cadre of teetotal
12:51
Speaker 1: Mormon influencers who drink doctored up SODA's instead of coffee
12:54
Speaker 1: and booze.
12:55
Speaker 2: I didn't know that's where it came from. But yeah,
12:56
Speaker 2: it's super popular and they charge a.
12:58
Speaker 1: Lot for it. Yeah, yeah, back to the T shirt cannon.
13:02
Speaker 1: The T shirt canon emerges three American obsessions guns, sports,
13:05
Speaker 1: and freebe giveaways.
13:06
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's pretty good.
13:08
Speaker 1: That is a very American thing. The T shirt, canon
13:11
Speaker 1: crest white strips.
13:13
Speaker 2: Oh, there you go.
13:15
Speaker 1: We are not the happiest nation on earth, but we
13:17
Speaker 1: are probably the smiliest. Continuing on the the pizza hut lamp.
13:26
Speaker 1: In some countries, stained glasses reserved for the holiest of spaces,
13:29
Speaker 1: grand cathedrals and stately palaces. In America, Tiffany style glass
13:34
Speaker 1: is for everybody.
13:35
Speaker 2: Oh wow, that's right. Those kind of lamps. Is that
13:39
Speaker 2: what they're called Tiffany lamps? Real ones are crazy expensive,
13:42
Speaker 2: but yeah, Pizza decided to have them at pizza. That's
13:45
Speaker 2: what we'll do.
13:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I meant to say this at the outset.
13:50
Speaker 1: The whole tone of this reminds me of the folks
13:53
Speaker 1: who came to the US for the World cop and
13:56
Speaker 1: had a lot of their like negative illusions of the
13:58
Speaker 1: country blown up and went away saying these are the
14:00
Speaker 1: most friendly people on earth. This country is crazy fun.
14:04
Speaker 1: The stores are nuts. My god, this is amazing. Welcome
14:08
Speaker 1: to our land. I hope you had a great time.
14:10
Speaker 1: Come back anytime you want anyway. Uh blinged up crocs. Yeah,
14:15
Speaker 1: so American?
14:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, my son just got a pair of blinged up
14:20
Speaker 2: slip on vans. He really likes.
14:23
Speaker 1: Wow. Okay, all right, blinging, blinging your shoes wherever, whatever
14:27
Speaker 1: sort the tree shaped air freshener.
14:34
Speaker 2: Since it doesn't actually smell like a tree, you gotta
14:36
Speaker 2: try to put that imagery in your mind, since it
14:39
Speaker 2: smells like chemicals of some sort.
14:40
Speaker 1: It says pine, But no pine has ever grown on
14:46
Speaker 1: God's Earth with that stank. So they shave it like
14:49
Speaker 1: a pine tree exactly to convince you. I guess, I
14:53
Speaker 1: don't know anyway. She says we can be our true
14:56
Speaker 1: selves in our cars. That's true. The George Foreman grill
15:01
Speaker 1: ah dude wipes x L back before the big sewerage
15:11
Speaker 1: got together and told us we can't use wipes anymore.
15:15
Speaker 1: Sad desk salad in the Museum of America. Oh that's
15:23
Speaker 1: fuddy oh boy ring doorbell camera.
15:27
Speaker 2: So is the sad desk salad. Because in other countries
15:30
Speaker 2: they don't probably eat lunch at their desk. I know,
15:33
Speaker 2: my friends in Italy, the idea of sitting at your
15:37
Speaker 2: desk and working, as opposed to going out to a
15:39
Speaker 2: restaurant and doing the full two hour lunch would have
15:42
Speaker 2: been crazy.
15:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, the very few times I've actually worked in Europe. Yeah,
15:47
Speaker 1: lunch is lunch, and it includes a glass of wine
15:49
Speaker 1: or two. Yeah, generally Yeah. Yeah, the ring doorbell camera
15:53
Speaker 1: have we've always been so scared of strangers? She asks?
15:58
Speaker 1: Moving along, the solo cup no quintessential expression of American
16:04
Speaker 1: industrial design, A new take on an old standard, made plastic,
16:08
Speaker 1: disposable and extra strong so it can withstand the pressures
16:11
Speaker 1: of a mosh pit, parking lot or beer pong tournament.
16:14
Speaker 2: Yep, they are. They are quite the product. They're so sturdy.
16:20
Speaker 1: That's fantastic, Yeah, quoth Toby Keith, You, sir, do not
16:25
Speaker 1: have a pair of testicles if you prefer drinking from
16:28
Speaker 1: the glass, the great sage Toby Keith. I don't know.
16:34
Speaker 1: This real tree print.
16:37
Speaker 2: Oh that's the that's like a form of camouflage.
16:40
Speaker 1: The realistic camo print. Not only for like camo, but
16:44
Speaker 1: travel mugs, streetwear like Hull Street, for chairs.
16:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, everywhere. Yeah, why that is just a fashion I.
16:57
Speaker 1: Guess, I don't know, she says. The further American get
17:00
Speaker 1: from living in the forest, the more desperate we are
17:02
Speaker 1: to touch grass. I don't know. Maybe that's true. I
17:04
Speaker 1: don't know. Let's see what else do we have? The
17:06
Speaker 1: bottomless basket of chips and salsa.
17:09
Speaker 2: Hell yeah, or French fries if you're a red robin.
17:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, the live laugh love sign, boy first s ch
17:20
Speaker 1: optimistic people. We sure do need constant reminders to cheer up.
17:26
Speaker 1: Oh boy. Yeah. The dog stroller. Oh lord.
17:32
Speaker 3: I had a weird moment leaving a restaurant the other
17:34
Speaker 3: day and I had my son in his regular stroller
17:37
Speaker 3: and I was right next to a woman who had
17:39
Speaker 3: a Yorkie in her stroller.
17:41
Speaker 2: Man, that was an odd moment. Had that conversation many
17:45
Speaker 2: times with my h my kids, my son, my oldest,
17:50
Speaker 2: partially because living at home when we had lots of
17:54
Speaker 2: dogs all the time and they were a lot, and
17:56
Speaker 2: so he's kind of anti dogs because of that experience.
17:59
Speaker 2: And but he can't imagine, like when we're traveling, the
18:02
Speaker 2: number of people that have their dogs with me. He
18:04
Speaker 2: always says, that looks so miserable. You know, they're fighting
18:07
Speaker 2: the dog in the lobby at the hotel and trying
18:09
Speaker 2: to do this and everything. I get the furnish and
18:11
Speaker 2: I agree, I don't want to take my dogs with
18:13
Speaker 2: me when I go to hotels and stuff like that.
18:15
Speaker 2: But so the other day we saw somebody. They crossed
18:18
Speaker 2: in front of us, and he's got a double stroller
18:21
Speaker 2: and he's walking two dogs. And I thought, oh my god,
18:25
Speaker 2: so you're dealing with the two little kids and you're
18:28
Speaker 2: walking the dogs at the same time. That's a lot.
18:30
Speaker 2: Then when I pulled by them, I realized he had
18:32
Speaker 2: two little dogs in the front of the stroller, well
18:34
Speaker 2: walking two bigger dogs. He had four dogs, two in
18:37
Speaker 2: the stroller, two he's walking.
18:39
Speaker 1: Wow, wow, all right, dude, all right. Final exhibits in
18:43
Speaker 1: the music.
18:44
Speaker 2: Because the dogs can't walk or they don't want to walk.
18:47
Speaker 2: Is it like the Will Ferrell from Saturday Night Live?
18:49
Speaker 2: He doesn't walk, he hates it.
18:53
Speaker 1: Oh, in the case of that, dude, he has two
18:54
Speaker 1: big dogs that can go for miles and two little dogs.
18:57
Speaker 1: They had to have tiny little legs.
18:58
Speaker 2: All right, So they're stroller. So making see the neighborhood.
19:06
Speaker 1: That it's a good question to change a scene. I
19:08
Speaker 1: don't know, does a dog, Thank my god, these four walls.
19:10
Speaker 1: I'm going crazy. Final a few exhibits in the Museum
19:13
Speaker 1: of America. The gas station bathroom key. She talks about
19:20
Speaker 1: the ritual humiliation of asking the attendant for the bathroom key,
19:24
Speaker 1: then galloping down the aisles holding a giant keychain. Traditionally
19:28
Speaker 1: one is no smaller than a wooden spoon and no
19:30
Speaker 1: larger than a ten pound turkey. Escaping with it is
19:33
Speaker 1: nearly impossible. You know what it is. It's a great
19:36
Speaker 1: practical American innovation. It's not escaping with it. It's forgetting
19:40
Speaker 1: you had it. You can't possibly forget it or lose it,
19:45
Speaker 1: which is something Bathroom's probably dealt with fifty thousand times.
19:48
Speaker 1: Then some guy thought, I'm gonna put about a foot
19:50
Speaker 1: and a half.
19:51
Speaker 2: Of a two by four and attach it to that
19:53
Speaker 2: damn cake, the giant chunk of heavy metal.
19:56
Speaker 1: Right then I'll take a sharpie and write bathroom on it.
20:02
Speaker 1: Final couple of exhibits Bowtox, The world's greatest melting pot
20:09
Speaker 1: is increasingly made up of a bunch of faces that
20:11
Speaker 1: look the same funny. We may look ridiculous, irl, but
20:15
Speaker 1: on camera we are glowing audio s, laugh lines. The
20:18
Speaker 1: future is deadpan. I had to get some plastic surgery
20:22
Speaker 1: because of cancer removal on my nose, and the place
20:27
Speaker 1: where I went, everybody was delightful and helpful, probably because
20:30
Speaker 1: they make lots of money. But everybody was so botoxed.
20:34
Speaker 1: It was like a weird Stepford Wives thing. I mean,
20:37
Speaker 1: all the women there had had work done and they
20:40
Speaker 1: were all botoxed. Yeah.
20:43
Speaker 2: I ran into that the other day too. I don't
20:44
Speaker 2: remember what kind of doctor's office it was, but everybody
20:47
Speaker 2: had the Jeff Bezos's wife look that worked there.
20:50
Speaker 1: Yeah. And finally, and this is like probably the last
20:55
Speaker 1: exhibit in the museum, the one that you say, wow,
21:00
Speaker 1: this was a day well spent ladies and gentlemen. Perhaps
21:03
Speaker 1: the most American thing of all, the inflatable tube Man.
21:13
Speaker 2: We got a big tent sale going on here.
21:17
Speaker 3: Man the guy wacky inflatable arm flailing tube Man.
21:20
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, thirty years after he was created for the
21:24
Speaker 1: nineteen ninety six Atlanta Olympics. Really, yeah, you were one
21:28
Speaker 1: of the first people on earth to witness inflatable too.
21:31
Speaker 1: Was that that Olympics?
21:32
Speaker 2: I didn't know. As in the presence of budding.
21:34
Speaker 1: Greatness, yep. A thirty years after, tube Man has become
21:39
Speaker 1: a fixture of the American strip mall. He who is
21:41
Speaker 1: once a work of art, is now selling used cars
21:43
Speaker 1: in downtown San Jose it's hard not to see ourselves
21:48
Speaker 1: in this giant wigglely goofball. We too are happy idiots
21:51
Speaker 1: flailing around outside the vape shop. We too were once
21:55
Speaker 1: works of art, but now we've got to make a living.
21:58
Speaker 1: Capitalism comes forevery.
22:00
Speaker 2: Oh that's funny. Those things must be incredibly cheap.
22:04
Speaker 1: Oh what they are? Oh boy, I have never priced one.
22:08
Speaker 2: They get your attention, though. You can't help but look
22:11
Speaker 2: over there.
22:11
Speaker 1: We'll look at that, and you can't help but watch
22:13
Speaker 1: it for a minute.
22:15
Speaker 2: I do have my My doctor has a desk size one.
22:19
Speaker 2: I want it so bad. You could I get one
22:23
Speaker 2: like yard size from my house?
22:24
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, I bet you could.
22:26
Speaker 3: But man, she hits the little button, and you know
22:31
Speaker 3: that's fantastic.
22:33
Speaker 1: Gotta have money, God bless America. Well, rotisserie chicken from
22:37
Speaker 1: me tonight for dinner.
22:39
Speaker 2: Well, I guess that's it.