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How To Stay Calm When Dealing With a Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  So how do you stay calm when you're dealing with a
• 0:05
  narcissist? How do you not react to the
• 0:08
  crazy stuff that's coming out of their mouth to sometimes to the
• 0:12
  vitriol that is spewing from their mouths?
• 0:16
  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
• 0:18
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:20
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist here to help you understand the mind
• 0:23
  of a narcissist. And welcome to another episode
• 0:25
  of The Narcissist Go. Let's get in.
• 0:44
  Boom. Welcome back folks, welcome
• 0:48
  back, welcome back. Yes, yes, yes.
• 0:51
  How the hell do you stay calm when you're dealing with a
• 0:56
  narcissistic person? I know this is the question that
• 0:59
  a lot of people want to know the answer to and the first thing
• 1:03
  I'm going to say, y'all, is you don't.
• 1:04
  You don't stay calm. You lose your mind, you start
• 1:07
  throwing stuff, you swing on them, you bite them, your toot,
• 1:11
  your claw, scratch, whatever. Just kidding, don't do that.
• 1:17
  If you're dealing with a narcissistic person, do not give
• 1:21
  them your emotional energy. Do not y'all.
• 1:24
  That's one of the worst things you can do because in the mind
• 1:28
  of a narcissist, the more that you react, the more control that
• 1:32
  I feel like I have over you. But Lee, that's not true.
• 1:38
  They don't really have control over us.
• 1:40
  Again, in the mind of a narcissist, the more you react
• 1:47
  to me, the more emotional energy that you are giving to me, the
• 1:51
  more I think that I'm in control of you.
• 1:54
  So that's one way to stay calm. It's to protect your ego.
• 1:59
  Like when I say ego, I think some people get offended when I
• 2:02
  use the word ego, right? Well, they, I don't have an ego.
• 2:04
  I'm not an artist. Look, everybody has an ego.
• 2:07
  Everybody has an ego. Let's keep it hot.
• 2:10
  Let's keep it hot and ready like a Little Caesar's pizza.
• 2:13
  Everybody has an ego, right? You know, everybody has 1.
• 2:19
  So it's just like in order to protect your ego, just know that
• 2:23
  your reactions are powering them up.
• 2:26
  The reactions that you're giving them or making them feel better
• 2:29
  about themselves. There's just one way to stay
• 2:32
  calm is literally to put it into your mind.
• 2:34
  The more emotional energy that you are giving them, the more
• 2:38
  that you are reacting to them, the more they think that they're
• 2:42
  in control of you, the more they feel like they, the more power
• 2:45
  that they have. It's literally like think about
• 2:47
  like this. It's literally like you are
• 2:48
  taking a charger and plugging it up into them.
• 2:55
  You plug in, you plug in the charger into them like a
• 2:58
  Suppository, right? So that's one.
• 3:02
  That's one thing that you need right now.
• 3:04
  It's just to understand, put it into your mind before you give
• 3:07
  them your emotional energy, which I know y'all, I know it's
• 3:09
  tough not to react to. I know it's tough, right?
• 3:13
  I know it's tough not to give them the reaction, but put it
• 3:16
  into your mind that if you react, you're going to lose.
• 3:20
  Think of sometimes you got to think of thing.
• 3:22
  You have to think of things in terms of wins and losses, right?
• 3:26
  You have to think of stuff in terms of wins and losses because
• 3:30
  a lot of times that's how it can help you out right there, right?
• 3:33
  That's literally how you, what can save you sometimes is if you
• 3:36
  think about it in a win or as a win or a loss, like damn, if I
• 3:39
  give them this emotional reaction, I'm losing, I'm losing
• 3:44
  to them. So make sure that you don't give
• 3:47
  them that emotional reaction that they themselves are
• 3:50
  probably looking for because they love.
• 3:52
  I'm just telling you, I they love it, they love it, they love
• 3:56
  it. This is the mentality of
• 3:59
  narcissistic people. This is the mentality of abusive
• 4:01
  manipulators. This is the mentality of
• 4:03
  narcissists to try to get a reaction from you.
• 4:05
  So that's one thing that you can do right there to stay calm.
• 4:09
  We deal with the narcissist. The second, the second thing,
• 4:11
  y'all, and this is going to seem super, extremely simplistic.
• 4:18
  The second thing that you can do to stay calm when you're dealing
• 4:21
  with a narcissist is to focus on the breath.
• 4:24
  Focus on your breath. Take a deep damn breath before
• 4:28
  you say anything to them. Take a deep breath.
• 4:37
  Breathe it in a little bit. Y'all just breathe it in.
• 4:41
  And this deep breath is going to feel so weird.
• 4:43
  It's going to feel so weirdly refreshing because you're going
• 4:44
  to breathe. You're going to breathe it in
• 4:45
  and it's going to feel like you. It's going to it's going to feel
• 4:49
  like you're filling up a cavern in your chest.
• 4:59
  And if after you take that deep breath, you might, you might not
• 5:02
  want to give them their reaction.
• 5:04
  You see what I'm saying? It really is, you might not want
• 5:07
  to give them their reaction once you finally get a chance to take
• 5:09
  that deep breath, because you have to control your breath.
• 5:13
  You have to control the breath work.
• 5:14
  You have to control what you're doing.
• 5:16
  I'm just telling you, if you're not in control, they feel like
• 5:19
  they are in control, right? If you're not in control, they
• 5:23
  feel like they're in, they're not in control.
• 5:25
  If you are not in control, they feel like they are in control.
• 5:28
  And if you are in control, they feel like they are not in
• 5:31
  control. And narcissistic people
• 5:33
  literally want to always be in control, right?
• 5:38
  They've literally want to always be in control.
• 5:40
  So that's what you have to think about too, right?
• 5:43
  That is just, this is what goes on.
• 5:46
  Another thing y'all, they can help keep you calm right here
• 5:50
  and this is going to be like this is going to sound childish.
• 5:52
  Let me go ahead and preface it by this is going to this is
• 5:54
  going to sound extremely childish right here, y'all.
• 5:56
  One thing that's going to keep you calm is knowing that your
• 5:59
  calmness can piss them off your your calmness, your stillness
• 6:03
  can hurt them right. One of the most one of the most
• 6:07
  dangerous things in the world is Stillwater.
• 6:11
  If you don't know what Stillwater is, look it up.
• 6:13
  One of the most dangerous things is Stillwater, right?
• 6:17
  Stillwater is water that has been left sitting still for a
• 6:20
  very long time with no movements.
• 6:22
  So a lot of a lot of microbiomes, a lot of
• 6:26
  microscopic dangerous ass stuff can grow in it.
• 6:29
  The most dangerous thing in the world can be Stillwater.
• 6:31
  It looks peaceful. You might think you can drink
• 6:33
  it, but that shit will absolutely kill you.
• 6:35
  That's what that's what your stillness and your calmness does
• 6:39
  to a narcissistic person. So when you're not reacting to
• 6:41
  them, just understand that you are in control that you are you
• 6:46
  are taking your power back from them that they're you're you're
• 6:49
  literally your calmness is putting is hurting them.
• 6:53
  Lee, how do I hide the narcissist?
• 6:54
  Don't give them your energy. Stay calm, stay calm.
• 7:02
  You got to love yourself more in these situations right here,
• 7:04
  love. I feel like you got you got to
• 7:06
  get to that point. You realize love is not enough,
• 7:08
  right? And absolutely finding your why
• 7:11
  y'all. I do have a course out right now
• 7:13
  called Finding your why. Y'all need to check it out.
• 7:16
  It's called finding your why. You can find everything at
• 7:18
  mentalillness.everythingaboutmeyallis@mentalillness.net. I'm going to drop it in the
• 7:23
  comments or courses.mentalillness.net.
• 7:26
  My course is about healing from narcissistic abuse, thriving
• 7:29
  after a toxic relationship, Finding your why mental
• 7:33
  illness.net. But any situation y'all, that's
• 7:35
  what you like. Say you want to hurt a
• 7:36
  narcissist, just stay calm. Another way you can stay calm is
• 7:40
  y'all set a goal. What you have to have a future
• 7:43
  goal in mind right here y'all in order to taste.
• 7:45
  In order to stay calm against a narcissist, sometimes you have
• 7:49
  to have a future goal in mind. Lee, what do you mean by future
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  goal? One of your future goals could
• 7:56
  be not going to jail, not having a restraining order, not losing
• 7:59
  your job, protecting your, protecting your reputation.
• 8:03
  Because sometimes when you lose your mind, when you're yelling
• 8:05
  and screaming at them, you're throwing stuff at them.
• 8:08
  They're recording you. And guess what happens?
• 8:09
  They post that shit online and guess what happens next?
• 8:12
  You look, you get framed as the crazy person.
• 8:16
  You get framed as the abuser in these situations.
• 8:19
  So guess what? When you get framed as the
• 8:20
  abuser, it's very hard to get rid of that label when they
• 8:23
  frame you as the abuser and people see it online, it goes
• 8:26
  viral on TikTok. You get 3 billion views on it
• 8:29
  and you know what happened before you going to wish you
• 8:31
  stay calm, right? Damn it now look crazy.
• 8:35
  So protecting your reputation is extremely important.
• 8:38
  But another thing that can help you stay calm, especially if you
• 8:39
  have kids and you're locked, you're you're locked into a
• 8:42
  custody battle. Staying calm because staying
• 8:45
  calm can help you keep custody of your kids.
• 8:48
  It really can. Staying calm can absolutely help
• 8:52
  you keep custody of your children if you have them
• 8:55
  because like, if you don't stay calm, if you, if you're, if you
• 8:58
  have a court call you, you, you have in court your family court
• 9:01
  or whatever and you're yelling and screaming in family court
• 9:04
  because they're bastards that are lying.
• 9:06
  You're going to look bad regardless if they're lying.
• 9:08
  If you're no, that's a lie. Damn, I can't believe y'all
• 9:12
  believe in it. That's a lie.
• 9:13
  This clearly is clearly lying. The judge going to hold you in
• 9:16
  contempt to give custody of your kids away.
• 9:18
  You, you going to you going to wish you stayed calm, right?
• 9:21
  You going to wish you stay calm. The only person I had left is a
• 9:24
  narc. No, you still have you.
• 9:27
  I feel like this is where this is where self love comes into
• 9:29
  play. It right here.
• 9:30
  You still have you. When you feel like the only
• 9:32
  person that you have in your life is abusive, it's time to
• 9:35
  take a deep look in the mirror and you'd be like, what the hell
• 9:38
  is it? What, what have I done in my
• 9:39
  life right now? I know it's a lot of times, a
• 9:43
  lot of uncontrollable circumstances have we lose
• 9:45
  people through, you know, God, God calls them home, right?
• 9:48
  We lose people in those situations.
• 9:50
  But other than that, what has happened in your life that made
• 9:52
  you feel like you're alone now, the only person you have is a
• 9:54
  narc, right? It's a parent.
• 9:56
  Whoever it is, you know, this is important, but staying calm in a
• 10:01
  toxic relationship, staying calm when you're dealing with a
• 10:03
  narcissist is important. Y'all know what, no matter how
• 10:06
  you slice it, horizontal, vertical, perpendicular,
• 10:11
  parallel, squiggly lines, spirals, no matter how you slice
• 10:16
  it, it's necessary. Staying calm is necessary.
• 10:19
  It's like, is it staying calm when you're dealing with the
• 10:22
  narcissist is like a it's like a a science.
• 10:24
  This is an art. Staying calm is literally an
• 10:27
  art. So we we and while you're doing
• 10:30
  this art, you have to understand that this person right here is
• 10:33
  trying to ruin your life. Don't let them win.
• 10:36
  So if you need more motivation to stay calm, understand that
• 10:39
  that person is winning and you're losing.
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  You're going to look bad. You know, I know some people
• 10:42
  don't care. Some people and I talk to people
• 10:44
  all the time when I do my when I do my one on ones and stuff, I
• 10:47
  resume. I thought the people all the
• 10:48
  time who don't care about looking bad, they just want
• 10:49
  vengeance, which I which I get right.
• 10:51
  I didn't know. I like the little vengeance
• 10:53
  every once in awhile, but you don't want to let your vengeance
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  ruin your life. Oh, you really just don't want
• 10:59
  it to ruin your life. Now I got a few extra minutes
• 11:01
  y'all. I'll take a few questions.
• 11:02
  I'll see some questions and stuff in the chat.
• 11:03
  Ask away again y'all. Oh yeah.
• 11:06
  So if you're in the Durham, NC area this Saturday, April 12th,
• 11:12
  we're doing our next in person workshop in Durham, NC.
• 11:17
  We in Durham, my hometown where I'm at, we are doing for our
• 11:21
  next workshop y'all. So get registered up.
• 11:23
  It's mental illness.net/events. You can get registered up in
• 11:28
  good old Durham, Durham, NC, right?
• 11:33
  And come out there and get see get your healing.
• 11:36
  It's mental illness. I'll drop, I'll drop the link in
• 11:37
  the chat right y'all? But it's mental illness.net and
• 11:42
  go to the go to the events check section section.
• 11:45
  I say section no contact Gray rock, yellow rock, radical
• 11:48
  acceptance and self love and ski real life experience.
• 11:51
  There you go Malika. There you go power up.
• 11:52
  That's it right there. I'm planning on escaping on
• 11:55
  Wednesday while he is at work and I am too.
• 11:58
  Do you suggest to prepare So safety first.
• 12:02
  I would prepare to leave without telling him because you just
• 12:04
  never know how people were they were they at work?
• 12:07
  So if you planning on if you have, if you're using the word
• 12:09
  escape, that means you think you, that means you think safety
• 12:12
  is going to be questionable. So if you have to escape, then I
• 12:15
  would hold off on telling this person until you are already
• 12:18
  gone, especially if you have kids and things involved.
• 12:20
  I'll wait on telling them, right?
• 12:23
  I'll absolutely wait on telling them.
• 12:24
  So just in this situation right here, yes, this is a valuable
• 12:27
  lesson. Being in control of one
• 12:28
  emotions, yes, there you go, There you go.
• 12:32
  That's absolutely true. Just got discarded really having
• 12:35
  severe anxiety as he is my bikini as he is my bikini
• 12:39
  bodybuilding coach. So was your was he your coach
• 12:41
  before or after the training? The the training started because
• 12:46
  it always it always kind of, you know, shocks me.
• 12:49
  It don't shock me as much as it used to anymore when the
• 12:52
  personal trainers and the coaches and shit be fucking
• 12:54
  their clients. That should be just blowing my
• 12:56
  mind. I just I don't know if y'all are
• 12:57
  a couple before I'm not. This is not me passing
• 12:59
  judgement, but it always blows my mind when the the coaches and
• 13:02
  the personal trainers are fucking.
• 13:04
  I just like it. Just this is I don't know, I
• 13:07
  just I hate it. I was when I was a person when I
• 13:10
  was trying to be a personal trainer.
• 13:11
  They're like one thing you want to know, Lee, don't fuck your
• 13:14
  client because they're going to come at you So after Oh, so he
• 13:17
  so sometimes, Oh God, so maybe sometimes they be praying on
• 13:20
  their clients. This, this is kind of crazy to
• 13:22
  me. He's like when you get
• 13:23
  narcissistic people that become coaches and coaches and personal
• 13:27
  trainers and shit like that. They're just building up a
• 13:29
  client base of people that can prey on, you know what I mean?
• 13:31
  I hear these stories all the time.
• 13:32
  I promise you, you know, I hear them all the time.
• 13:34
  So in these situations right here, you probably want to find
• 13:37
  another coach. You know, now I don't know the
• 13:40
  the complete insurance and outs of the situation, but you
• 13:42
  probably want to find another coach.
• 13:44
  Just feel free right there, right?
• 13:46
  He only pays 500 and don't help. What do I do 500 and what do I
• 13:50
  miss a part of this right here. I'm assuming this is 500 and
• 13:52
  child support, but somebody might have this taking back the
• 13:54
  court for an adjustment, right? I wasn't going to tell him, just
• 13:58
  disappear with the things I bought for our apartment.
• 14:00
  How should I prepare for his reaction?
• 14:01
  I plan on changing my number. So it depends on it.
• 14:05
  It depends on how you, how he's going to react.
• 14:08
  You know him better than I do, but always think, you know,
• 14:10
  think with the end in mind. Is he going to go crazy?
• 14:12
  He's going to try to hunt you down and hurt you.
• 14:15
  If you feel like you have to escape, that's a red flag right
• 14:17
  there. Escaping is a red flag.
• 14:19
  Self force and respect. Yes, ma'am.
• 14:20
  Yes, ma'am. I used to know a guy that would
• 14:23
  fucking screw his way out of every personal training job he
• 14:25
  had. Yeah, I I know him too.
• 14:26
  I know him too. I don't too, Daniel.
• 14:28
  I know, I know people like that. They will just, they build up a
• 14:31
  client base and just be fucking all their clients and then they
• 14:33
  want, people wonder why like men nowadays don't want their women
• 14:37
  or their wives or girlfriends to have male male personal
• 14:39
  trainers. Like why don't you get a woman
• 14:40
  or you insecure and then they end up cheating fucking them.
• 14:43
  You see what I'm saying? That's what we happened right
• 14:46
  there and what not y'all. So I do have to hop off this
• 14:50
  thing, y'all. I got to go get my son from
• 14:52
  school and whatnot. mentalillness.net for my
• 14:54
  coaching, my courses, everything.
• 14:56
  Y'all. We'll chat later.
• 14:58
  Peace. I'll be back next time.