Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #88 Braith Anasta On Navigating The Single-Dad Life

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#88 Braith Anasta On Navigating The Single-Dad Life · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

0:00
Speaker 1: Ash. Today is a very very good day.
0:03
Speaker 2: Yes, Matt, we have a bonus episode and today's bonus
0:07
Speaker 2: episode is with former NRL player and Fox commentator Braith
0:11
Speaker 2: a NaSTA. You can catch him currently Sunday Afternoon Footy
0:15
Speaker 2: along with NRL three sixty all on Fox League.
0:20
Speaker 3: And this story is one that we haven't actually told
0:22
Speaker 3: on the podcast before because Braith is a single parent.
0:26
Speaker 2: Yes, he's very open about the challenges he has navigating
0:29
Speaker 2: two kids. He shares with two separate relationships.
0:33
Speaker 3: His dad to ten year old Aaliyah, and also he
0:36
Speaker 3: has Gigi who is seven, So amongst that plus work,
0:40
Speaker 3: he is juggling a hell of a lot.
0:42
Speaker 2: We also want to give your heads up. Braith shares
0:44
Speaker 2: his experience of losing his father to suicide when he
0:47
Speaker 2: was just fifteen. It's a deeply moving part of his story.
0:51
Speaker 3: Yeah, his father's influence continues to shape how both parents
0:54
Speaker 3: his own kids today. I do want to say that
0:57
Speaker 3: whilst we do talk about the topic of suicide, if
1:00
Speaker 3: you are struggling or you need any help, please reach
1:03
Speaker 3: out to Lifeline on one three eleven one four. They
1:07
Speaker 3: are open twenty four hours. We'll also put some more
1:09
Speaker 3: details in the show notes.
1:10
Speaker 4: Shall we get into it, Let's do it.
1:27
Speaker 1: Welcome back to three doting dads. I'm Maddie, Jay, I'm
1:30
Speaker 1: Ash and Breath and Asta. This is a podcast all
1:32
Speaker 1: about parenting. It is the good, it.
1:34
Speaker 2: Is the bad and the relatable.
1:36
Speaker 3: And if you've come wanting any type of advice, don't
1:39
Speaker 3: do it. Not from us, well, maybe made from Braith.
1:43
Speaker 2: Maybe some unintentional advice. We always we always preface the
1:46
Speaker 2: show saying we don't give advice so we don't get
1:48
Speaker 2: in trouble.
1:48
Speaker 1: Okay, we have been talking to Breath for a couple
1:51
Speaker 1: of minutes.
1:52
Speaker 2: Wise Man Wise, Wise Man Ash.
1:55
Speaker 1: And I just sitting here just absorbing the knowledge that experience,
2:00
Speaker 1: feeling out of break right now.
2:01
Speaker 2: There's these dad hierarchy too. It's like the older you kid, okay,
2:05
Speaker 2: the higher up you sit on the chain.
2:07
Speaker 1: I'm pretty like that. I've compared to you guys. I'm
2:10
Speaker 1: six and ten, six and ten, so you're yeah, you're
2:13
Speaker 1: your top of the food chain. I'm looking down at you.
2:17
Speaker 2: We've got five year olds and three and two trenches.
2:21
Speaker 1: You are in the trenches.
2:22
Speaker 2: Does it get easier?
2:25
Speaker 1: It gets a little easier. It depends.
2:27
Speaker 5: Like I had my youngest wasn't youngest was a poor sleeper,
2:31
Speaker 5: like debilitating, like just getting sleep. We tried everything for it,
2:35
Speaker 5: and that that really is the killer. The rest I
2:37
Speaker 5: feel like you can deal with. But I'm getting to
2:40
Speaker 5: the point now where my tour I'm worried about the teens.
2:43
Speaker 1: Two girls. Oh man, you got it.
2:46
Speaker 3: Actually, before we get into before, if we go back
2:50
Speaker 3: to when you were a youngster born in Sydney, grew
2:53
Speaker 3: up in Malabar, what was it like back then?
2:57
Speaker 5: It was awesome because I lived in Mali, which was
3:00
Speaker 5: on a golf course and it was a bit out
3:03
Speaker 5: of the rat race of Sydney. You know, it's not far.
3:06
Speaker 5: It's fifteen minutes from here and probably twenty minutes from
3:09
Speaker 5: the city, but it was like being in a little
3:11
Speaker 5: country town.
3:11
Speaker 1: Alabat.
3:12
Speaker 5: It's built up a bit more now near the jail actually,
3:14
Speaker 5: so next to a long bay jail. But if they
3:19
Speaker 5: stay inside the film used to break out, but that's
3:22
Speaker 5: another story. But yeah, like there's times where the siren
3:27
Speaker 5: goes off and literally it's two hundred made us from
3:30
Speaker 5: Like we're in a beautiful place, but you under made
3:33
Speaker 5: us from the biggest jailing the country. Yeah, and you
3:36
Speaker 5: see coppers running around looking for the and we're on
3:39
Speaker 5: a golf course, right, so you can see the coppers
3:40
Speaker 5: going on the golf course checking all the cliffs and
3:42
Speaker 5: the trees, and we're all I'm on the back and
3:44
Speaker 5: we're just like watching it all on fold. We had
3:46
Speaker 5: a little alleyway next to us from the street to
3:48
Speaker 5: the golf course.
3:50
Speaker 1: One day I saw a prisoner running down the alley.
3:55
Speaker 5: And I'm like, but like, didn't want him to see
3:59
Speaker 5: me because I'm thinking I don't want nothing to do
4:01
Speaker 5: with either.
4:02
Speaker 1: Witness twelve. And they end up catching him. But did
4:06
Speaker 1: your parents have to say to you, like when you
4:08
Speaker 1: hear the siren?
4:11
Speaker 5: Yeahwhere But after a while it only happened every few years,
4:17
Speaker 5: but it did happen.
4:18
Speaker 1: Exciting, Yeah, pretty exciting anyway. Who who introduced it a sport?
4:22
Speaker 1: Was it your brother? Well, my, my, my mum.
4:25
Speaker 5: I was I was born in a sporting family really
4:27
Speaker 5: because my uncle was George Piggins, and George he was
4:31
Speaker 5: played for Australia, was coach president of South City Rabbits,
4:37
Speaker 5: played for Souse. He's the hero really, so it was
4:42
Speaker 5: just ingrained me from the second I was born. I
4:44
Speaker 5: was born with a foot in my hand, and then
4:46
Speaker 5: I was I was just tragic sport like it was
4:49
Speaker 5: rugby league, rugby union, golf, so he grew up on
4:52
Speaker 5: a golf course, so I just jumped the back fence too.
4:54
Speaker 1: Which is good. So was it league league for league? First? Yeah?
4:57
Speaker 5: I played just Southeast and and there pineer parking Meliba
5:02
Speaker 5: and then that was my first love. And then played
5:05
Speaker 5: rugby union for Couldie and then around we can New
5:09
Speaker 5: South Wales and all that the same sort of thing.
5:10
Speaker 5: And then yeah, cricket was the same, played for Eastern Cricket.
5:15
Speaker 2: Of all trade.
5:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, a bit of everything.
5:17
Speaker 3: I got to ask as a youngster, I would have
5:20
Speaker 3: loved to play professional sport.
5:22
Speaker 1: The problem was I wasn a bit ship. It doesn't help.
5:27
Speaker 3: The best I really do was scrape into like an
5:30
Speaker 3: a team and that I'd be like, what sport did
5:33
Speaker 3: you play? I played everything, so cricket, rugby, athletics, Like
5:37
Speaker 3: I try my hand hoping I would like find one sport.
5:41
Speaker 1: Even did the walk.
5:45
Speaker 2: You're a power walker, just to be like, maybe that's
5:47
Speaker 2: the you should see you should see his power?
5:53
Speaker 6: Yeah, maybe after the record, we do it.
5:56
Speaker 1: We did it.
5:56
Speaker 2: The cricket we did like a day of the Es
5:59
Speaker 2: and were like dressed in full dad gear and were
6:03
Speaker 2: like he just took off.
6:05
Speaker 1: He was so fast. The blokes would have loved that, right.
6:08
Speaker 6: Yeah, the problem was I was actually pretty good at
6:12
Speaker 6: it and I went to States, but.
6:15
Speaker 2: We went off track.
6:17
Speaker 3: You're actually good, but I was like, no one, no
6:20
Speaker 3: one wants.
6:22
Speaker 2: I would have loved to play.
6:23
Speaker 1: When you were playing sport.
6:25
Speaker 3: Was it a case of you're very good at anything
6:28
Speaker 3: you let your hand to.
6:30
Speaker 5: I don't want to your horn, man, this is the time.
6:33
Speaker 5: I was very lucky. Like I don't want to sound
6:36
Speaker 5: like that. I was like gifted in that way where
6:40
Speaker 5: just the handle I stuff. Fuck you, it sounds like
6:46
Speaker 5: you were a professional athlete.
6:48
Speaker 2: Ex professional athlete, Braith, you're allowed to tell people that
6:51
Speaker 2: you were gifted.
6:52
Speaker 1: I was mad. I lucky. I was.
6:54
Speaker 5: I think my parents for that, but yeah, I was like,
6:58
Speaker 5: I just whatever. I played there for a while, I
7:00
Speaker 5: was I had quite a bit of success, and yeah,
7:03
Speaker 5: I loved every bit of it.
7:04
Speaker 1: So I was pretty lucky there.
7:05
Speaker 3: And your Greek heritage was that something that was celebrated
7:09
Speaker 3: in the family.
7:11
Speaker 1: Uh, yeah, definitely.
7:13
Speaker 5: My dad was proud Greek, full Greek and he spoke
7:18
Speaker 5: fluent Greek. But he was like, and I was right,
7:21
Speaker 5: but he spoke fluent, very proud of his heritage. He'd
7:24
Speaker 5: seen the national anthem often, which is the only thing
7:26
Speaker 5: I kind.
7:27
Speaker 1: Of know a little bit.
7:33
Speaker 5: I can't speak Greek, by the way, that's just from
7:35
Speaker 5: him singing a dinner that's pretty good.
7:37
Speaker 1: What do you sing it?
7:38
Speaker 2: He a family tradition before we eat kids.
7:50
Speaker 1: He's a his take.
7:51
Speaker 5: But yeah, so and and I'm still close to my
7:55
Speaker 5: Greek family. I didn't get the chance to go over
7:57
Speaker 5: to Grease much, which is a shame, but I have
7:59
Speaker 5: been there, but no, you know, I wish I got
8:02
Speaker 5: more invested in at a young age and learned the language.
8:05
Speaker 1: That's one of my big regrets. And I tell a
8:07
Speaker 1: lot of kids these days.
8:07
Speaker 5: If you've got the opportunity your parents speak a certain language,
8:10
Speaker 5: definitely try and learn it.
8:13
Speaker 1: Why didn't you want to pick it up? You know,
8:15
Speaker 1: when you were young sort of.
8:18
Speaker 5: Growing up in a very Australian suburb and school and
8:23
Speaker 5: you know it's not really the cool thing to do,
8:25
Speaker 5: which is a shame, but at the point at the
8:28
Speaker 5: time it's you know, you just want to fit in,
8:31
Speaker 5: and you know do you want to be cool? And
8:33
Speaker 5: all that sort of thing, which you look back on
8:35
Speaker 5: as stupid, but I think that was the reason why.
8:39
Speaker 1: Really else now I look back on just it's one
8:41
Speaker 1: of my big regrets.
8:42
Speaker 2: What about when the movie The Wog Boy came. That
8:46
Speaker 2: was my family was where you guys a fan of
8:49
Speaker 2: the movie or I loved it.
8:50
Speaker 5: Jumping in front of the car and compo clans and
8:53
Speaker 5: that was a kid with a big lunch box.
8:56
Speaker 1: You know that that's so true, but you know, you
9:00
Speaker 1: know it's it's just the culture. Did you get sent
9:03
Speaker 1: to school with?
9:04
Speaker 2: Like would you lay your lunch out?
9:06
Speaker 1: And I wish I did that? Because I love him.
9:11
Speaker 1: I wish I did.
9:12
Speaker 2: My Brek food is believable, funny, Like as I get
9:16
Speaker 2: older and I see it because there's not a lot
9:18
Speaker 2: of Greek restaurants or Greek players, especially on the beaches.
9:20
Speaker 1: We've got tired.
9:23
Speaker 2: And when you come across the Greek restaurant, you're like,
9:27
Speaker 2: got to get the greg Yeah.
9:29
Speaker 1: Not good for the question. I think it's that generation.
9:32
Speaker 1: Laura is my wife.
9:33
Speaker 3: Her background they're Italian, they're down from in Woollongong and
9:37
Speaker 3: and he was he worked in the mind her granddad
9:41
Speaker 3: and it was they tried to rub that out of them.
9:43
Speaker 1: I think that's probably a part of did she did
9:45
Speaker 1: she know? Did her dad speak fluent? Well, he was fluent.
9:49
Speaker 1: Does she does she speak?
9:51
Speaker 3: And she rarely would hear him speaking, But they still
9:55
Speaker 3: had like a goat in the garden.
9:58
Speaker 2: It's funny because my mind dad's side, they're indigenous, but
10:02
Speaker 2: his dad used to tell everyone that he was Spanish
10:04
Speaker 2: because he wasn't he They pretend that they went because
10:07
Speaker 2: my grandmother was white. You couldn't be with a black boy.
10:10
Speaker 2: It was like, yeah, there was the joke is that
10:11
Speaker 2: there's a really strong Spanish community in tari.
10:23
Speaker 3: Was there a case of there being a good cop
10:25
Speaker 3: and bad cop with your parents growing up?
10:27
Speaker 1: Was the displayer? Definitely?
10:28
Speaker 5: Who is good of my my My dad was the
10:33
Speaker 5: good cop and my mom was a bad cop. But
10:35
Speaker 5: my dad was terrifying when he actually lost it, when
10:39
Speaker 5: he got like the handprints I had on my body.
10:44
Speaker 5: It was run in the bedroom like that was. It
10:46
Speaker 5: took him a lot. But if he cracked it And do.
10:49
Speaker 1: You remember what would qualify for a spanking? Ah?
10:53
Speaker 5: Yeah, a brother, older brother. We used to fight all
10:56
Speaker 5: the time, just when we just took it too far.
10:59
Speaker 1: Yeah.
11:00
Speaker 5: One day, actually, because I lived on a golf course,
11:02
Speaker 5: I tried to hit a ball from my backyard onto
11:07
Speaker 5: the green and we had glass panels, and he was
11:11
Speaker 5: on the phone inside.
11:13
Speaker 1: I think it was one more human.
11:14
Speaker 2: Was your backyard concrete or concrete?
11:19
Speaker 1: And I've just us.
11:23
Speaker 5: And I thought, all right, I'm going right Here're gonna
11:25
Speaker 5: hit the ball in the green my knife to straight
11:28
Speaker 5: smash the gall turned around, bolted and copped it.
11:32
Speaker 2: I think a window smashing is where he's worth.
11:36
Speaker 1: A pretty poor error judgment.
11:38
Speaker 2: Hopefully you improved your gold.
11:39
Speaker 1: I thought I was gifted.
11:40
Speaker 6: But yeah, as a dad, now any damage to the household,
11:49
Speaker 6: yeah yeah, textures.
11:52
Speaker 5: And drawing and you know it's hard to keep them
11:55
Speaker 5: in line in at the kids, but yeah it's mum
11:59
Speaker 5: was good cop, but she was not bad.
12:02
Speaker 1: Like she was great parents.
12:04
Speaker 2: But you just keep the day to day discipline, just
12:07
Speaker 2: the day to day which you need.
12:08
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I was pretty good, to be honest, I wasn't.
12:10
Speaker 5: I wasn't a bad boy. I was pretty pretty good.
12:12
Speaker 2: With how much older is your brother three year are three?
12:17
Speaker 1: Was he as good at sport as what you were?
12:19
Speaker 5: No?
12:19
Speaker 1: Very different? To me, we were title opposites. He wasn't.
12:24
Speaker 5: He was good, like good, but not to that next level.
12:27
Speaker 5: But he played rugby league. But he was totally different
12:29
Speaker 5: to me, like different into different things. He was a
12:32
Speaker 5: surface skateboarder, extreme athlete snowboarding, totally different, you know. And yeah,
12:43
Speaker 5: we were total opposites. So it was quite It happens
12:46
Speaker 5: a lot. Even my two girls now are total opposites
12:48
Speaker 5: and now only six and ten. But yeah, but he
12:51
Speaker 5: was a big supporter of me and sport and loved
12:53
Speaker 5: it and I just wasn't.
12:55
Speaker 1: It's very different.
12:56
Speaker 3: So with your sport, you were very gifted. Did you
13:00
Speaker 3: your parents at all have to try and keep your
13:03
Speaker 3: disciplined with that or did you just want it from.
13:05
Speaker 1: The day I was hungry.
13:08
Speaker 5: I was like, my goal, like from a very young age,
13:11
Speaker 5: was to be a professional athlete, and that was it,
13:13
Speaker 5: you know. I kind of dedicated myself to it, like
13:17
Speaker 5: crazy age.
13:18
Speaker 1: But I feel like I sound like a winker again.
13:21
Speaker 5: But my biggest challenge there was what one to focus
13:24
Speaker 5: on because I had reached quite a level at rugby
13:28
Speaker 5: union league, in cricket and golf, so I had to
13:32
Speaker 5: because you can't do all of them and get to
13:35
Speaker 5: where you want to get to in the in the
13:36
Speaker 5: in one. Yeah, so that was probably a challenge for me.
13:39
Speaker 3: But do your parents try and steer you in a
13:41
Speaker 3: direction siding between golf and league for a while?
13:44
Speaker 5: Yeah, my dad he was he wanted me to play rugby,
13:49
Speaker 5: but then he was a big fan of the golf
13:51
Speaker 5: as well. So I gave league up and rugby when
13:53
Speaker 5: I was six fifteen sixteen about a year and focused
13:56
Speaker 5: on golf and played on you know, played in the
13:59
Speaker 5: Jack newne And Foundation and played in all the Australian
14:03
Speaker 5: titles and got the plus three and played in the
14:07
Speaker 5: New South Wales team there for a bit and so.
14:10
Speaker 5: But then there was a real sliding doors moment where
14:13
Speaker 5: there was a in the Jersey estually bore for South Sydney.
14:18
Speaker 5: Their fullback got injured, which I wasn't a fullback and
14:21
Speaker 5: I was I was a year high me as well,
14:23
Speaker 5: but the coach called me and said, I want you
14:24
Speaker 5: to come and play for us.
14:25
Speaker 2: We need to be guns.
14:27
Speaker 1: I played for a while.
14:29
Speaker 5: And I went back and we won the comp and
14:33
Speaker 5: then I made all the teams and the rep teams
14:35
Speaker 5: and then that was it. Side with the house and
14:37
Speaker 5: it was over from there. So that was the defining
14:39
Speaker 5: moment for that.
14:40
Speaker 1: Wow.
14:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have seen you swinging a golf club driving.
14:44
Speaker 2: I wasn't completely sober, but we did have driving range
14:47
Speaker 2: session there and we were average.
14:50
Speaker 3: I remember taking his swing and I looked over my shoulder.
14:53
Speaker 3: I saw Braith and he was dry reaching. All I
14:57
Speaker 3: wanted was just to look over and get a knot
14:59
Speaker 3: of a.
14:59
Speaker 1: Fresh I look back at the I started walking instead.
15:06
Speaker 2: I've played played a.
15:07
Speaker 1: Cover drive in golf.
15:09
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's legal.
15:10
Speaker 3: But when I when I think back to being a
15:13
Speaker 3: young teenager around the age you were, there are like
15:15
Speaker 3: fifteen sixteen.
15:16
Speaker 1: There's such formative years.
15:18
Speaker 3: And you have spoken before about the tragic events of
15:22
Speaker 3: your father passing away. Do you remember the events that
15:27
Speaker 3: unfolded leading up to when you found out?
15:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was. It was horrific.
15:33
Speaker 5: So I was close with him, my dad, and he
15:35
Speaker 5: was a big supporter. I had a good upbringing, you know, Mama.
15:39
Speaker 5: As I said before, Mum and Dad were fantastic. He
15:41
Speaker 5: was successful in his own right, so he taught me
15:43
Speaker 5: strong values and and he was a great human being.
15:47
Speaker 5: Went through a lot of drama himself with business and
15:51
Speaker 5: with the mateive his and got to a point where
15:54
Speaker 5: we knew he was struggling, but we just didn't know
15:56
Speaker 5: it was as bad as it was. And then he
16:00
Speaker 5: just one night he came home from We didn't come
16:02
Speaker 5: home from work. He went to work, and me and
16:05
Speaker 5: Mum and him at that point when I was only fifteen,
16:07
Speaker 5: we kind of go for dinner on a Sunday night
16:11
Speaker 5: and we're waiting for him and waiting for him. Didn't
16:13
Speaker 5: come home, so he killed himself, which was it was
16:16
Speaker 5: just even now, you can't it's hard to process. Like
16:21
Speaker 5: I deal with it more better now because I've had
16:23
Speaker 5: a lot of time, but it's it's just something you
16:27
Speaker 5: can never prepare yourself for as a kid, and it
16:30
Speaker 5: changed your life forever, even now, and yeah, it's just
16:34
Speaker 5: such a shock to the system that you just don't
16:36
Speaker 5: know how to deal with it. He kind of in
16:38
Speaker 5: morning for a long time, and you just don't. It's
16:40
Speaker 5: like it's very surreal when somebody you see them one
16:42
Speaker 5: day and they're gone the next and they're just their.
16:44
Speaker 1: Your dad, you know, they're you know, they're everything to you.
16:47
Speaker 5: So that was debilitating, devastating.
16:53
Speaker 3: What's the rollercoaster of emotions that you go through. Obviously
16:56
Speaker 3: you start with that initial shock, but then how does
16:59
Speaker 3: it transcend following that?
17:01
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, I mean the first question you're thinking why,
17:05
Speaker 5: and then you get angry because you left us, and
17:09
Speaker 5: you left my mum to roller coaster for a number
17:12
Speaker 5: of years. But it kind of like, you know, like
17:16
Speaker 5: I drew inspiration as well. But like from the life,
17:19
Speaker 5: you eventually get to a point, and especially I think
17:22
Speaker 5: now because it's so it happens a lot more now
17:26
Speaker 5: and you get to know mental health more and you
17:29
Speaker 5: get to experience yourself how tough life can be at times,
17:32
Speaker 5: with stress and anxiety and having kids and the expectation
17:36
Speaker 5: of jobs and relationship breakdowns, all these sort of things
17:39
Speaker 5: that all of us go through, men and women. As
17:43
Speaker 5: you get older, you appreciate the position he may have
17:46
Speaker 5: been in more and why he did it. I think
17:48
Speaker 5: that was the big thing for me. For a long time.
17:51
Speaker 5: I was, you know, a bit angry and couldn't understand it.
17:57
Speaker 5: But as you get older and you have the yourself
18:00
Speaker 5: and you see, you know, can you see other guys
18:03
Speaker 5: go through it as well?
18:03
Speaker 1: Like I see it a lot these days.
18:05
Speaker 2: And stress, stress and pressure, Yeah.
18:08
Speaker 5: And I get it, and I don't blame him for
18:12
Speaker 5: it now, like I appreciate it, and I thank him
18:15
Speaker 5: for the lessons I learned too, but because I would
18:20
Speaker 5: never do it, you know what I mean, And I
18:23
Speaker 5: appreciate every day. But I also what he taught me
18:26
Speaker 5: as a father to me, I instill in my kids.
18:28
Speaker 5: But I also know that I'll be a better father
18:31
Speaker 5: for the experience as well, because it's made me a
18:34
Speaker 5: lot stronger as a human.
18:35
Speaker 1: You know.
18:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think back then, the difference between now and
18:38
Speaker 2: back then, someone who has suffered from some mental health issues.
18:42
Speaker 2: It's so crazy how powerful it is now that it's
18:46
Speaker 2: spoken about, and back then it was, you know, seen
18:50
Speaker 2: as though like it was a bit selfish on him.
18:54
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, And like there's there's times for me that
18:58
Speaker 2: I sit there and think about, thankfully not nowhere near
19:02
Speaker 2: as much anymore as what if I wasn't around. And
19:05
Speaker 2: the thing that pops into my head is the look
19:08
Speaker 2: on my kid's face. So do you think, do you
19:13
Speaker 2: think now you know so much about it that you
19:17
Speaker 2: know you wish that back then that people spoke a
19:22
Speaker 2: bit more and maybe he'd still be here. Yeah, this is.
19:25
Speaker 5: I'm passionate like it sounds like you are about men
19:31
Speaker 5: and men's mental health and talking like all of us,
19:34
Speaker 5: you know, like you know, I've started obviously I'm not
19:37
Speaker 5: plugging it, but I've started a program called Strong Dad,
19:40
Speaker 5: which we're going to relaunch very soon. And it's comes
19:43
Speaker 5: from him because I've seen it firsthand, and back then
19:47
Speaker 5: it was like I wasn't proud of it. And people
19:49
Speaker 5: may have you know, the room as well, if someone
19:52
Speaker 5: committed suicide, you know, and it's okay to you know,
19:56
Speaker 5: not alone, like this is the thing with you as well,
19:57
Speaker 5: like all of us go through stress and pressure and
20:00
Speaker 5: anxiety and you know, life stuff, you know, and I
20:03
Speaker 5: think for me it's about men, no, and they're not alone,
20:07
Speaker 5: like we all feel it.
20:08
Speaker 1: You know.
20:09
Speaker 5: It's very it's not easy, you know, and we want
20:12
Speaker 5: to be able to talk about it. We want to
20:13
Speaker 5: be able to openly talk about how heart it is
20:15
Speaker 5: being a dad, the expectation of paying the mortgage, losing
20:18
Speaker 5: your job, going through a marriage breakdown, or whatever it
20:21
Speaker 5: may be. It happens. It's part of life and we
20:24
Speaker 5: can get through it. How do you get through it?
20:26
Speaker 5: That's where I think if you talk and we have
20:29
Speaker 5: all our all have our coping mechanisms and ways of
20:32
Speaker 5: getting through it. We share that with others. Then it
20:35
Speaker 5: shows that there is light at the end of the
20:36
Speaker 5: tunnel for guys.
20:37
Speaker 1: You know.
20:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, when we when we did that episode last year
20:40
Speaker 2: about my mental health, the amount of blokes and wives
20:43
Speaker 2: coming out and the support and it was really overwhelming,
20:47
Speaker 2: Like we have people approach us in the street and
20:49
Speaker 2: talk about it, and it's so good that you know
20:52
Speaker 2: that we're in the right direction because it could help
20:56
Speaker 2: save so many young lives.
20:57
Speaker 3: And you talk before about you know, being almost embarrassed
21:00
Speaker 3: about that Greek heritage when you talk about the stigma
21:06
Speaker 3: back then of suicide. How was it then with you
21:10
Speaker 3: dealing with that suicide publicly and other people finding out
21:13
Speaker 3: about the circumstances.
21:15
Speaker 5: Shocking, you know, like he had I'm at school in
21:17
Speaker 5: high school and all the kids out there looking at it,
21:20
Speaker 5: you know, like you're like you're an outcast.
21:22
Speaker 2: Like not meaning to like, but like they didn't know
21:25
Speaker 2: how to deal with it.
21:26
Speaker 5: They killed himself on the weekend, you know, like it's
21:28
Speaker 5: it was, you know, and this speculation, rumors, innuendo because
21:33
Speaker 5: people just you know, you people would like to make up.
21:37
Speaker 1: Unfortunately, you know, So how do you deal with that? Well,
21:41
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't.
21:42
Speaker 5: I kept it all in for long time, and that
21:46
Speaker 5: impacted me through my early twenties so to mid twenties
21:48
Speaker 5: and even my career because you know, it was it
21:51
Speaker 5: was hard and dealing with it and they're not having
21:55
Speaker 5: a mentor too, like, you know, really to talk to
21:58
Speaker 5: He's us the guy. I would talk to her about
21:59
Speaker 5: those things obviously, Mum, I do and still do today,
22:02
Speaker 5: but she can't. You know, it's hard to her, right
22:06
Speaker 5: because she went through it herself. A love of her
22:08
Speaker 5: life gone, he one day, gone the next, and then
22:11
Speaker 5: she has to bring up to two sons herself, and she,
22:14
Speaker 5: you know, like I said, it's it's sort of yeah,
22:17
Speaker 5: it was tough.
22:18
Speaker 3: It breaks my heart to hear that you're gone through
22:21
Speaker 3: that with your family unit. I've heard you speak about
22:26
Speaker 3: the fact that your your family was a great family
22:28
Speaker 3: growing up, but in that moment where someone is such
22:31
Speaker 3: a pillar keeping the family together is taken away. How
22:35
Speaker 3: does how does the dynamic change between you and your brother.
22:39
Speaker 1: It's hurt us, it's hurt our whole family.
22:40
Speaker 5: Like you know, he found my dad, you know, so
22:45
Speaker 5: it's something he will never get over as well, you know,
22:49
Speaker 5: and he's had to deal with that, and you know,
22:52
Speaker 5: it just adds a lot of stress on a family
22:54
Speaker 5: that was perfect one day, you know, it was fractured
22:57
Speaker 5: the next. And you know, like it's because we had
23:02
Speaker 5: a good upbringing and my mom is amazing. It's you know,
23:04
Speaker 5: we've we've kept it together. And you know, I think
23:08
Speaker 5: my career has helped because it's gave my family some
23:14
Speaker 5: light and something to look forward to and you know,
23:18
Speaker 5: really follow the progress and it's exciting and the success
23:21
Speaker 5: and it's I think it's given them hope and enjoyed
23:26
Speaker 5: the ride, the rollercase of But I think that was
23:29
Speaker 5: that that helped to at a pivotal time like playing
23:31
Speaker 5: first grade and just gave everyone in the family a
23:34
Speaker 5: bit of an upper you.
23:36
Speaker 1: Know for sure.
23:37
Speaker 3: And were you trying to feel that that father figure
23:40
Speaker 3: that was taken away from it?
23:42
Speaker 5: Yeah, definitely with mum, you know, because not feel the
23:46
Speaker 5: father figure as such, like just but they be there
23:49
Speaker 5: for mum. You know, Like there was times where I
23:52
Speaker 5: had opportunities to go play in Melbourne or in France
23:55
Speaker 5: or England, and I didn't because I want to stay here,
24:00
Speaker 5: you know, like I may have taken different path, a
24:03
Speaker 5: different opportunity if I if things weren't That's just I
24:06
Speaker 5: wanted to stay here and here for.
24:08
Speaker 2: Did sport feel a lot of your time so that
24:11
Speaker 2: you didn't have to sit there and think about it?
24:12
Speaker 2: Do you think?
24:13
Speaker 5: Yeah, why I was playing. That was around the time
24:16
Speaker 5: that i'd given up league. So I had a tournament
24:19
Speaker 5: on days after Wow, Holy my uncle caddy for me.
24:24
Speaker 1: Yeah.
24:24
Speaker 5: So I just they said do you want to you
24:27
Speaker 5: don't want to play? And I said, no, I'm playing.
24:28
Speaker 1: Wow. So that was my.
24:31
Speaker 2: Didn't break any glass.
24:34
Speaker 5: I can't remember what what I played like, but it
24:36
Speaker 5: was like, okay, let's get on with business.
24:38
Speaker 1: Let's distraction.
24:38
Speaker 5: Distraction, which which is great at the time because I
24:42
Speaker 5: just went from tournament sport tournament sport, But then it
24:46
Speaker 5: hits you later because you don't deal with it why
24:48
Speaker 5: you probably should at the time.
24:50
Speaker 3: Yeah, you remember when it when it crept up and
24:52
Speaker 3: it got you later in life.
24:54
Speaker 5: It was my mid twenties early early twenties to me
24:58
Speaker 5: at sort of I would think would have been maybe bulldogs,
25:01
Speaker 5: maybe roosters there, bulldogs probably, but that period where you
25:06
Speaker 5: kind of struggle them a little bit with footy, and
25:09
Speaker 5: then you have the pressure, and you've.
25:11
Speaker 1: Got media, and you've got you know, you for me
25:14
Speaker 1: and you're still young.
25:15
Speaker 5: I'm only kids still in everything I do is in
25:18
Speaker 5: the papers, and I don't have that my dad to
25:21
Speaker 5: lean on. You've got financial decisions, to make relationships, all
25:25
Speaker 5: that sort of thing. It creeps up on you and
25:28
Speaker 5: then you you just yeah, it hits your heart and
25:31
Speaker 5: it hit me hard. And then that's why I kind
25:32
Speaker 5: of got a I got a sports sick and then
25:35
Speaker 5: I ended up getting a psychologist as well, just and
25:40
Speaker 5: I sort of went back and relived it a bit
25:42
Speaker 5: and dealt with it the trauma and let it all out,
25:45
Speaker 5: and then I moved forward. And since then I've been probably, yeah,
25:49
Speaker 5: I've been a lot better and I deal.
25:50
Speaker 1: With it well.
25:51
Speaker 2: Did you during that time did you have like a
25:53
Speaker 2: mentor we spoke earlier about now that you manage all
25:56
Speaker 2: these rugby league players and sort of acted a little
25:58
Speaker 2: bit like a mental Did.
25:59
Speaker 1: You have really?
26:00
Speaker 5: I had a feel on the way, like a few
26:02
Speaker 5: coaches and a few mates and my mum of course,
26:05
Speaker 5: But I encourage that, like it's something that's what I do.
26:09
Speaker 5: What I do with the sports management. I think it's
26:11
Speaker 5: if you've had someone who's been there. Don't live that
26:14
Speaker 5: the good and the bad though, Like you don't always
26:17
Speaker 5: want to just be hearing all the good stuff. Like
26:19
Speaker 5: I like to think that I've lived a lot of experiences,
26:22
Speaker 5: and I like to prepare players athletes for the worst
26:27
Speaker 5: as well. Yea, And how you're going to deal with that,
26:29
Speaker 5: you know, because that often is how you deal more
26:31
Speaker 5: with failure than it is how you deal with success,
26:34
Speaker 5: so or vice versa as well, but they are both important.
26:37
Speaker 1: That's why I do it. Yeah, so it's important. Now.
26:41
Speaker 5: Mentors are great, I think, you know, if you can
26:43
Speaker 5: find the right one to for sure.
26:45
Speaker 3: I can only begin to imagine what it's like to
26:49
Speaker 3: have to share this story again. I know you've done it,
26:52
Speaker 3: not just on this podcast but others as well. I
26:54
Speaker 3: just want to say sayings for being so vulnerable.
26:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's so many young men out there that don't
27:01
Speaker 2: they It's funny they don't, especially like my you know,
27:04
Speaker 2: my age. A lot of my mates they bottled so
27:08
Speaker 2: much shit up and it's fucked and then eventually when
27:12
Speaker 2: they hear someone that they they see a lot of
27:15
Speaker 2: themselves in or they might look up to whether you
27:18
Speaker 2: know you don't know them. They don't know you, but
27:20
Speaker 2: they probably watch you every night on a n RL
27:21
Speaker 2: three sixty or see you or in and around the game,
27:23
Speaker 2: and they think when they hear someone like yourself talk
27:26
Speaker 2: about it, they go, fuck, I need to talk about
27:28
Speaker 2: it too.
27:28
Speaker 3: And even get one juxtaposition because I grew up watching
27:32
Speaker 3: you play footage and then to hear you be so vulnerable,
27:34
Speaker 3: it's such a one eighty to how I saw you
27:38
Speaker 3: as as a player.
27:39
Speaker 5: It often happens, you know, like I meet a lot
27:41
Speaker 5: of people and the ageez I didn't expect that or
27:43
Speaker 5: what you know, Like that's what I mean, Like you
27:46
Speaker 5: look at a lot of people and you don't know
27:47
Speaker 5: their story, you don't know what they've been through, and
27:51
Speaker 5: when you do, you kind of maybe have a different perception.
27:53
Speaker 5: But also it helps yourself. But I think the most
27:56
Speaker 5: important thing is you're not alone, yep. And but also
27:58
Speaker 5: the repercussions of of something like that, like the severity
28:02
Speaker 5: of it and what it has not only I mean
28:05
Speaker 5: you know, on your family, your friends, your kids. It
28:08
Speaker 5: is debilitating and the people it's not only I mean,
28:12
Speaker 5: it's the people around.
28:13
Speaker 1: You that will never be the same as well.
28:15
Speaker 5: You know, so it's something that I think I think
28:18
Speaker 5: all men and women should think about.
28:20
Speaker 1: You know, it's pretty full.
28:22
Speaker 3: On becoming a dad yourself. Was that something that you
28:29
Speaker 3: always wanted to be?
28:30
Speaker 1: Did you always want to grow up and have a family.
28:32
Speaker 5: Yeah, I was that kid or that guy that wanted
28:34
Speaker 5: kids from a very young age, like I wanted to
28:37
Speaker 5: be a dad.
28:38
Speaker 1: That was Yeah, definitely a priority for me from a
28:41
Speaker 1: young age.
28:42
Speaker 3: And then when you were in your relationship with Jody
28:45
Speaker 3: at the time, when did you know that you were
28:47
Speaker 3: ready to start having kids Because a lot.
28:48
Speaker 1: Of people are like, how do you know when you're ready?
28:51
Speaker 5: I don't think you're ever ready, right, Yeah, I just
28:55
Speaker 5: thought I was a back end of my career.
28:56
Speaker 1: I think it was my last year actually around that point.
29:00
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I thought it was good timing, you know,
29:03
Speaker 5: like I'm going to retire from being a professional athlete
29:07
Speaker 5: but then move into the media.
29:09
Speaker 1: How old are you roughly at this age, around around.
29:12
Speaker 2: Thirty When did you finish your career at the Roost Tigers?
29:17
Speaker 5: So I was around thirty one thirty two It would
29:19
Speaker 5: have been trying to do the mass of my head.
29:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, thirty one thirty two, and I thought he prefect.
29:26
Speaker 1: I wanted him earlier.
29:28
Speaker 5: But yeah, yeah, there's a lot of things to come
29:32
Speaker 5: into it, right, You're going to be happy in relationship, yeah, sure,
29:35
Speaker 5: You're going to look on for stability and all that
29:37
Speaker 5: sort of thing, and then you know, time to actually
29:40
Speaker 5: give and be there as a dad as well as
29:42
Speaker 5: a professional athlete. I think a lot of the boys
29:44
Speaker 5: time while they're playing because they're not there. They got
29:49
Speaker 5: his training and oh sorry, love, I've got to has
29:53
Speaker 5: never changed. That is crazy, That's what I sure you. Yeah,
30:00
Speaker 5: that was the first thing I did, isn't That's unbelievable.
30:03
Speaker 2: Have you heard that before?
30:04
Speaker 1: I have. I heard him say, probably give it to yourself.
30:08
Speaker 2: We're after your mate, just looking down upon me. I
30:13
Speaker 2: get it, like he's probably training a lot.
30:15
Speaker 1: But then.
30:17
Speaker 2: I'm so I threw him in the bars, and I
30:22
Speaker 2: felt bad.
30:23
Speaker 3: I think sometimes, I know for myself, I always wanted
30:25
Speaker 3: to be a dad. I was so excited and then like,
30:29
Speaker 3: you have no idea the reality of being a parent,
30:32
Speaker 3: you know, like my taste of being a dad with
30:34
Speaker 3: my sisters older than me. She had shot children first,
30:37
Speaker 3: so I would like have a little five to minute
30:39
Speaker 3: window and be like this is hand it back.
30:42
Speaker 1: And then when I became a dad, I was like,
30:44
Speaker 1: this is hardly.
30:46
Speaker 6: How was it for yourself? As soon as you stepped
30:48
Speaker 6: into that role of.
30:49
Speaker 1: Being it was hard? I loved it. It was hard.
30:53
Speaker 1: I was very hands on.
30:56
Speaker 5: And yeah I did a lot of time, like I
30:59
Speaker 5: thrive offer, but it was it was it was hard work.
31:03
Speaker 5: I mean lucky, Alia, our first was quite a good sleeper.
31:09
Speaker 1: That to me makes so like.
31:11
Speaker 2: We often talk about you get one or the other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:15
Speaker 1: And you know, even though I was challenging, yeah she was.
31:19
Speaker 1: She was. She's quite the angel. But you know, like
31:24
Speaker 1: everything's a challenge, right.
31:25
Speaker 5: Getting in and out of the cars, going to anywhere, going
31:28
Speaker 5: to parties and dressing and whatever. It's it's all a challenge, right,
31:33
Speaker 5: you got you gotta None of us can really understand,
31:38
Speaker 5: appreciated or be ready for what's to be able to
31:40
Speaker 5: happen until it happens.
31:41
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, you can never be prepared.
31:43
Speaker 3: Al if she was a good sleeper, what were the
31:45
Speaker 3: parts of parenting that were really bloody tough?
31:48
Speaker 1: I think for me.
31:51
Speaker 5: And this kind of this is more been a single dad, right,
31:55
Speaker 5: it was more when I had it by like I
31:58
Speaker 5: can end up having it by myself, you know, after
32:01
Speaker 5: she was only one or two, you know, like it
32:03
Speaker 5: was pretty pretty early on.
32:04
Speaker 1: Unfortunately myself and a mom separated, but.
32:07
Speaker 5: So that was that's a challenge, you know when you've
32:09
Speaker 5: got on one on one pretty much majority of the
32:13
Speaker 5: time too, I had her.
32:15
Speaker 1: How are you juggling that whilst because you're still playing
32:17
Speaker 1: for I'm lucky for my mom. She's like my nanny.
32:22
Speaker 5: It still is like, you know, I've got three jobs
32:25
Speaker 5: and even back then I had a couple, and yeah,
32:29
Speaker 5: so so that was Mum would help me. She's always
32:31
Speaker 5: lived close by. She's just been an angel. Like really
32:35
Speaker 5: I needed her because it's hard work, you know, like
32:38
Speaker 5: just from the second they wake up to the second
32:42
Speaker 5: they go to sleep, they need undivided and.
32:45
Speaker 2: Entertainment. I'm like a kid myself.
32:48
Speaker 6: And then you're like, I've got five minutes of duplo.
32:54
Speaker 5: And iPads and that weren't You're like, I'm not going
33:01
Speaker 5: to be that parent with the iPad.
33:02
Speaker 1: And then.
33:06
Speaker 5: A lot of walking, a lot of a lot of laps,
33:09
Speaker 5: a lot of walking, a lot of you and sleep,
33:11
Speaker 5: and a lot of entertaining, Like you know whether it's
33:13
Speaker 5: going to fun parks.
33:15
Speaker 2: And when you when you did separate, like having having
33:19
Speaker 2: you trial so young, how do you how did you
33:22
Speaker 2: split that out? Like did I mean there's probably people
33:24
Speaker 2: listening that are going through similar things. How logistically, logistically,
33:28
Speaker 2: how do you how did you guys work?
33:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's a bit of a tricky one.
33:33
Speaker 5: It's a bit of a tough one with with with
33:36
Speaker 5: I think Jody's been pretty outspoken about it, with her struggles.
33:40
Speaker 1: So I had Alia a lot for a lot majority
33:45
Speaker 1: of a life. So logistically it was pretty simple.
33:50
Speaker 5: She was at my place a lot, Jodie would have
33:55
Speaker 5: her when she was away from work, and you know,
33:57
Speaker 5: it was in a good space. So yeah, it was
34:02
Speaker 5: pretty much my whole life, you know, like it was
34:05
Speaker 5: it was a single dad.
34:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, and again without my mom, I wouldn't have been
34:10
Speaker 1: able to do it.
34:10
Speaker 5: But you know, it's just it's pretty much, I mean, daycare,
34:15
Speaker 5: pick up, you know, and whatever meals everything.
34:20
Speaker 1: You know, you just do what you got to do.
34:21
Speaker 5: You just get by and then mom would help out
34:23
Speaker 5: wherever she could if I had work.
34:26
Speaker 1: But yeah, it was pretty it's.
34:27
Speaker 3: Full on, Like how is it when you're like I
34:30
Speaker 3: think everyone when they envision when they're younger, what it's
34:32
Speaker 3: going to be like having a family, everyone thinks of
34:35
Speaker 3: this beautiful scenario.
34:36
Speaker 1: Why I pick it?
34:36
Speaker 3: Fans, Yeah, loving home, great relationship, but the reality is
34:41
Speaker 3: often different to that for yourself, when the reality was
34:45
Speaker 3: different to the dream of being a parent, how do
34:47
Speaker 3: you digest that.
34:49
Speaker 5: Mine is so different to the way I thought it'd be, Like,
34:54
Speaker 5: it's hard to you know, I mean, I'm it's tough, Like,
34:57
Speaker 5: I mean, I've.
34:58
Speaker 1: Got two kids to two different women.
35:01
Speaker 5: You know, I'm not young, but I've that was serious relationships,
35:04
Speaker 5: long term, but it just didn't work out. Now, you know,
35:07
Speaker 5: that was not what I dreamed of at all, And
35:10
Speaker 5: unfortunately it happens, probably more more so these days than
35:14
Speaker 5: we don't like right with I don't know for whatever reason,
35:17
Speaker 5: but it's it's not ideal, you know, Like it's hard.
35:21
Speaker 2: You know.
35:21
Speaker 5: For me, it's all about the girls, you know, and
35:23
Speaker 5: given them the best life that I can, and I
35:25
Speaker 5: work hard for that, but you know, I don't want
35:27
Speaker 5: them to be impacted by it as well, you know,
35:29
Speaker 5: broken families, and I want the girls to be together
35:32
Speaker 5: as much as they can, and it's it's it's.
35:36
Speaker 1: A real tricky one. It's a tricky one, you know.
35:39
Speaker 5: And then you're trying to discipline both girls the same way,
35:43
Speaker 5: and that's tough because one's in a different house for
35:45
Speaker 5: a period of time.
35:46
Speaker 1: Then she comes and joins my clan.
35:49
Speaker 2: Different people to different even asked with two kids, like
35:54
Speaker 2: you know, within our relationships are they're so different, so different,
35:58
Speaker 2: I can't imagine them, you know, two different two different moms,
36:00
Speaker 2: two different households, and then they come to you and
36:03
Speaker 2: you're like, Okay, now we're going to do things my
36:06
Speaker 2: way or this.
36:07
Speaker 1: Way that way.
36:07
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's a big challenge for me, is instilling the
36:11
Speaker 5: right discipline and values like which I'm big on.
36:13
Speaker 1: Alia is by my side a lot.
36:16
Speaker 5: So she's got she's she's the easy going one, she's
36:20
Speaker 5: the class captain, she's got great mennas and I feel
36:24
Speaker 5: like she's had those instilled in there for a long time.
36:27
Speaker 1: The other one, Gg's a wrap back.
36:30
Speaker 5: Her ma and Lola like cheeky, you know, poor eater,
36:37
Speaker 5: poor sleeper, you know, can't sit still, just wants to
36:41
Speaker 5: be doing something twenty four to seven. But I love
36:43
Speaker 5: every everything about it, right, Yeah, the total opposites. But
36:46
Speaker 5: then I'll bring them together and they're they're they love
36:49
Speaker 5: each other to death, but.
36:52
Speaker 2: You know, click and she's just.
36:54
Speaker 5: Chirming away, the older one and the other one gets
36:56
Speaker 5: the ships and all of a sudden it's on.
36:58
Speaker 1: You know.
36:58
Speaker 3: But how how was it when you spoke about your
37:01
Speaker 3: second partner, Rachel? At what point do you go, h Okay,
37:05
Speaker 3: I'm now in a position where you know, I'm a
37:07
Speaker 3: single dad, but you would have been pretty young at
37:10
Speaker 3: the time.
37:11
Speaker 1: I was thirty four, around thirty five.
37:13
Speaker 3: There, you know you're going to want to try and
37:14
Speaker 3: find another companion. Yeah, when do you know when you're ready?
37:17
Speaker 1: And how do you juggle that?
37:20
Speaker 5: It's a hard one, right because when you single dad,
37:24
Speaker 5: you you not only want the right person for you,
37:26
Speaker 5: but more importantly for your kids and they need to
37:29
Speaker 5: be ready for that too. The partner like that's that's
37:32
Speaker 5: a red flag for me, Like I've hearn a lot
37:34
Speaker 5: of red flags. But it's hard you did to find
37:37
Speaker 5: the ideal partner who you know? And Rachel, I have
37:42
Speaker 5: to say she had a son and herself from a
37:44
Speaker 5: previous marriage, and she was a good mum. You know,
37:47
Speaker 5: she put in a lot of she was there for
37:49
Speaker 5: earlier and you know, while I was off work and
37:53
Speaker 5: she was, she was dropping hert a school and doing
37:56
Speaker 5: all that for me.
37:57
Speaker 1: So that's gay. That was you talk about.
37:59
Speaker 5: You know that however I juggle that well, that was
38:02
Speaker 5: with the help of Rachel, So that was very important.
38:05
Speaker 5: And you know, she was a natural mother and she
38:08
Speaker 5: did a very good job. So that that helped me
38:10
Speaker 5: a lot.
38:11
Speaker 1: When do you decide, OK, let's introduce the kids together?
38:15
Speaker 5: Now, this is like, you know, this is a tough
38:21
Speaker 5: one because you to introduce your kids, you need to
38:25
Speaker 5: be sure of the woman and vice versa for a
38:28
Speaker 5: woman with a man. So that's what I'm having trouble
38:31
Speaker 5: with a bit is you know, like back then it
38:35
Speaker 5: was you know, we kind of did it within six
38:38
Speaker 5: months and probably moved pretty quick.
38:40
Speaker 1: On that.
38:42
Speaker 5: Second time around, I'm a bit more awary of it,
38:44
Speaker 5: you know, because I don't want my kids going through
38:46
Speaker 5: that again. You know, I think the next time I
38:48
Speaker 5: introduce them to a partner, it has to be the
38:51
Speaker 5: one we all think it is at the time, right,
38:53
Speaker 5: and you know, things happen, but it makes it hard
38:57
Speaker 5: because I'm trying to it's been probably two and a
39:00
Speaker 5: half years now, I've been single, and when you meet women,
39:03
Speaker 5: all of this comes into account, you know, like and
39:07
Speaker 5: I won't just rush any woman into meeting my kids,
39:11
Speaker 5: so it's a kind of an awkward situation for a while.
39:14
Speaker 5: And then when that does it get to the point
39:15
Speaker 5: where they do, it's tricky, you know, and it's you've
39:22
Speaker 5: got to be certain, and you're never really certain, right,
39:24
Speaker 5: But I'm certainly not in a hurry to do it.
39:27
Speaker 1: If I meet a girl, it's got to be right.
39:30
Speaker 2: If you listening women, just quickly, I want to go
39:35
Speaker 2: back a little bit, just really quickly. Being a single
39:38
Speaker 2: dad with girls, do you think that time so much
39:41
Speaker 2: time with them has helped you build a much stronger
39:43
Speaker 2: bond than maybe some of the dads have that are
39:46
Speaker 2: you know, still with the mom and there's that mix.
39:49
Speaker 5: This mixed for me, like that bond is unbreakable purely
39:54
Speaker 5: because from the day she was born, it's been me
39:57
Speaker 5: and huh for different circumstances. Answer, gg, I don't get
40:02
Speaker 5: as much, which is hard for dads as well, right,
40:06
Speaker 5: because it's small the I would say, the stereotypical you
40:11
Speaker 5: know breakup where the mother mother has majority. You know,
40:16
Speaker 5: we always want more, But that's it's different, you know,
40:20
Speaker 5: like we I had. The hard thing is I wanted
40:23
Speaker 5: to look forward to seeing me every time she sees me,
40:25
Speaker 5: so as a dad when you've got her, I don't
40:27
Speaker 5: want to I spoil her. But how much do you
40:30
Speaker 5: spoil them that they don't benefit the right way?
40:34
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I've got Thursdays.
40:39
Speaker 3: Other days it's called Daddy doing night and and we
40:42
Speaker 3: have like swimming in the morning, and it's you know,
40:43
Speaker 3: it's it's the one day where Laura is working, my wife,
40:46
Speaker 3: and so it's me and the girls, and and it's
40:49
Speaker 3: this hard balance of I want it to be a
40:50
Speaker 3: really memorable, enjoyable experience, and so you want to give
40:54
Speaker 3: them things that they enjoy. But at the same time,
40:56
Speaker 3: it's also hard when some it's just a bad day.
41:00
Speaker 3: Sometimes the girls didn't have a good sleep, they're cranky,
41:02
Speaker 3: they don't want to get their swimmers and got to
41:04
Speaker 3: swimming lessons, and so it ends up being a shit
41:06
Speaker 3: day where I've spent disciplining. And then how was it
41:10
Speaker 3: for you? When you do that little window with Gigi
41:12
Speaker 3: and you build it up to be.
41:13
Speaker 7: Something great and then it's not, and you sometimes heartbreaking
41:17
Speaker 7: because you got You've only got a short period of time,
41:19
Speaker 7: like a couple of days with us in a week,
41:22
Speaker 7: and if it's not a good time, you're disappointed and
41:25
Speaker 7: it's sad because you.
41:25
Speaker 1: Got to drop her back on a bad note.
41:27
Speaker 5: Yeah, it just hasn't gone to plan and you don't
41:29
Speaker 5: have that every day time to be with her for her,
41:32
Speaker 5: you know. So it is hard for dads like that,
41:35
Speaker 5: and it just doesn't always care to plan, right.
41:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, especially as they probably get older as well and
41:40
Speaker 2: they're into their own things or they might. I mean
41:43
Speaker 2: with my daughter, she's so young that like if we
41:46
Speaker 2: have a tip, you know, we can get over pretty quick,
41:49
Speaker 2: you know, when then that, but as they get as
41:50
Speaker 2: she gets older and more stubborn and resilient herself, and
41:54
Speaker 2: can be like, well, I'm going to hold this grudge
41:55
Speaker 2: against you now because that's not fair what you did.
41:57
Speaker 2: It might be it must be really hard. I can't
42:00
Speaker 2: imagine that drop off at the end of your time
42:03
Speaker 2: and you haven't been able to mend that bridge, and
42:05
Speaker 2: then you've got to wait all that this time to
42:08
Speaker 2: try and try and have that moment and.
42:10
Speaker 1: It's your own daughter, you know.
42:11
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's hard to take you as you go back
42:14
Speaker 5: again to all you ever think of is as someone
42:17
Speaker 5: as a kid or just growing up, is having that
42:20
Speaker 5: perfect family right where you've got your kids and you know,
42:24
Speaker 5: I was brought up in well it didn't end up
42:26
Speaker 5: being a perfect family, but it was from my childhood.
42:30
Speaker 5: And then you get to a point where it's just
42:31
Speaker 5: not and you've got to deal with it. But that's like,
42:34
Speaker 5: you know, we've all got we've all got ways of
42:36
Speaker 5: dealing with different things and things we've got to navigate through.
42:39
Speaker 5: And it's a constant challenge for me. But I love
42:43
Speaker 5: I love my girls, and I love being a dad.
42:45
Speaker 1: Yeah.
42:45
Speaker 2: I see a lot of your social stories, and I
42:48
Speaker 2: can see that the time that you spend with them
42:50
Speaker 2: you really appreciate. I see, I see you know, you
42:53
Speaker 2: could be out walking with them or whatever it might be,
42:55
Speaker 2: or a selfie with them, and it's like, and that's
42:57
Speaker 2: that's pretty awesome, you know. So commended for that for sure.
43:01
Speaker 3: Even though it wasn't good enough to be a professional athlete.
43:05
Speaker 3: Yet I'm taking times in the fact that apparently athletic
43:08
Speaker 3: men produce females. And if Braith's got two girls, I've
43:13
Speaker 3: got two girls.
43:14
Speaker 1: That's good.
43:15
Speaker 2: Enough you can pick that walking career.
43:17
Speaker 5: And he's crazy though, like so many guys athletes have women.
43:23
Speaker 2: I've got a theory and it's not the shallow penetrators.
43:31
Speaker 3: When when you girls are a lot older and they've
43:35
Speaker 3: flown the nest. What is the one thing that you
43:37
Speaker 3: would want g G and Ali to remember about the
43:39
Speaker 3: household they grew up in?
43:42
Speaker 5: Just the I would say, just the love, the love
43:47
Speaker 5: that they had from the people closes to them, And yeah,
43:51
Speaker 5: just just to I suppose look back and think they
43:54
Speaker 5: had a great upbringing. They love their dad to death
43:56
Speaker 5: and they do anything for him, and you know, just
43:59
Speaker 5: that loyalty and that love really is that's an happiness.
44:02
Speaker 5: That's all you really want is just to put a
44:04
Speaker 5: smile on their face and know that they are given
44:06
Speaker 5: every opportunity to be the human beings that they were
44:08
Speaker 5: through the parenting of the of their dad.
44:10
Speaker 1: Really, that's all I can ask for. Graith, You've had
44:14
Speaker 1: such an extraordinary life.
44:16
Speaker 3: It's had great up some tough times as loas but
44:21
Speaker 3: it's been fucking great to talk to you.
44:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you so much for spending the time. Before
44:26
Speaker 2: we do go, I did mention a story.
44:28
Speaker 1: To you earlier.
44:29
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I managed to track this down just to
44:32
Speaker 2: give the listeners a bit of a bit of an idea.
44:35
Speaker 2: A friend of mine back in twenty eleven and today
44:38
Speaker 2: Women's Day competition where it was does your husband look
44:41
Speaker 2: like anyone in particular celebrity athlete? Which is a bit
44:44
Speaker 2: of both you.
44:45
Speaker 1: Did you know about the competition at the time, but
44:47
Speaker 1: probably not.
44:48
Speaker 2: So she submitted a photo of her boyfriend at the time.
44:52
Speaker 2: Now they married, have a couple of kids.
44:55
Speaker 6: And actually I have a look first before we show
44:57
Speaker 6: the poor phrase far better.
45:00
Speaker 2: Look you're preparing me for you spend some time with
45:04
Speaker 2: Josh having the gold code. So Josh is his name,
45:07
Speaker 2: but s Wilkom South tweettheads she's submitted this photo to
45:10
Speaker 2: Women's Day and actually one one hundred dollars.
45:13
Speaker 1: She's got good taste. Oh cop that, Oh com back,
45:18
Speaker 1: he's probably doing better than me at this point.
45:21
Speaker 2: You've got a f You've maybe got six or seven
45:23
Speaker 2: years on him there, but gee, you look at him there.
45:26
Speaker 1: That is massive.
45:30
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, so they actually won that award twice in.
45:36
Speaker 1: Me two hundred bucks.
45:37
Speaker 2: Thank you Josh sending to me so quickly.
45:39
Speaker 1: Braith, I really appreciate your thanks for having me on.
45:42
Speaker 1: I've enjoyed it. Love what you guys doing, It's been fun.
45:45
Speaker 1: Than appreciate you.
45:46
Speaker 2: Thank you.
45:49
Speaker 3: I'm gonna say asked Braith was a real surprise package.
45:52
Speaker 3: I grew up watching him play footy and I never
45:56
Speaker 3: expected someone like Braith who I see is being so strong,
46:00
Speaker 3: so vulnerable.
46:01
Speaker 1: In a conversation.
46:02
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and we really want to thank KAO for lining
46:04
Speaker 2: that interview up and allowing it to be possible. And
46:07
Speaker 2: if you've enjoyed that, please jump on give us a
46:10
Speaker 2: review five stars. Let us know what you think or
46:12
Speaker 2: share it with someone else who might be struggling or
46:15
Speaker 2: going through a similar situation.
46:16
Speaker 3: And if there's any other parents out there that you
46:18
Speaker 3: would like us to talk to and share their story,
46:21
Speaker 3: please hit us up either on Instagram, Facebook group or email.
46:25
Speaker 3: It's hello at Two Doting Dads dot com. Ash Let's
46:28
Speaker 3: get out of.
46:29
Speaker 2: Here, my friends, see you later.
46:30
Speaker 1: You've got a big drive home. Thank you, big guy,
46:33
Speaker 1: Big Guy, Big Big. Let's Get Out of.
46:42
Speaker 3: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
46:45
Speaker 3: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
46:49
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present,
46:52
Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Onlander
46:55
Speaker 2: people's today. This episode was recorded on gadagle Land