Latest / Marriage Life and More and Bible Study / The Hidden Cost of Marital Exhaustion Pt 1 (Marriage Reset Series) - 251

Transcript

The Hidden Cost of Marital Exhaustion Pt 1 (Marriage Reset Series) - 251 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

• 0:07
  Michelle Moore: I mean, to me that's just like I recharge by taking a break, you know, and getting my priorities straight and going back and setting those boundaries that I have broken because I've allowed.
• 0:19
  Michelle Moore: Oh yes, I'll do that, oh yes, I can do.
• 0:21
  Michelle Moore: And I think sometimes I've just I forgot my boundary and it's like, by the time it's done and over with, I'm just exhausted and you know me, I mean, my exhaustion level is totally different than what it used to be because of my surgeries, but I definitely feel it a lot more now, and it may be because I'm getting older as well.
• 0:41
  Michelle Moore: But I also think when I was reading this, I was like giving more, more love, more attention and more joy.
• 0:49
  Michelle Moore: I was like from a place of abundance, not emptiness, because when you're on the go you're just running yourself completely dry.
• 1:02
  Daniel Moore: This week on Marriage Life and More.
• 1:03
  Daniel Moore: We're going to be getting into episode two of our series on marriage reset.
• 1:08
  Daniel Moore: We'll be back with that right after this.
• 1:10
  Daniel Moore: Welcome to Marriage Life and More.
• 1:47
  Daniel Moore: This is a podcast about marriage, bible and book studies, and sometimes we interview people that have inspiring stories.
• 1:53
  Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host.
• 1:54
  Daniel Moore: I want to thank you guys for joining us again this week.
• 1:57
  Daniel Moore: If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website at www.
• 2:00
  Daniel Moore: marriagelifeandmore.
• 2:00
  Daniel Moore: com.
• 2:02
  Daniel Moore: For our platforms.
• 2:03
  Daniel Moore: Our YouTube and Rumble links are there.
• 2:05
  Daniel Moore: We're also on the Christian podcasting app, edify, and we're also on your Alexa and Google smart devices.
• 2:10
  Daniel Moore: You can also visit us on social on Facebook, instagram and X at ctgaponline.
• 2:16
  Daniel Moore: If you're a fan of our show, please subscribe.
• 2:19
  Daniel Moore: Feel free to leave a comment on our platforms.
• 2:21
  Daniel Moore: Give us a thumbs up or a five-star review on Apple podcast and we Comment on our platforms.
• 2:23
  Daniel Moore: Give us a thumbs up or a five-star review on Apple Podcast and we'd be eternally grateful to you for doing that.
• 2:27
  Daniel Moore: Of course, once again this week, I have my gorgeous co-host in the studio with me, my wife Michelle.
• 2:33
  Michelle Moore: Hey, hey.
• 2:34
  Daniel Moore: And we have another really good episode, I think, coming your way.
• 2:38
  Daniel Moore: Last couple weeks here we went through the first episode of our new series on marriage reset and basically the whole concept behind the series is a lot of times married couples get into a rut and they kind of become more like a roommate than really like a soulmate and they don't really act like spouses anymore and there seems to be a lot of distance and a lot of things that takes place in those marriages and sometimes when you get to that point it's really hard to restore that back.
• 3:09
  Daniel Moore: And so we've put this series together to try to maybe help with those issues.
• 3:14
  Daniel Moore: And this is going to be another two-part series for this episode.
• 3:19
  Daniel Moore: So we'll do half of the episode this week and then we'll pick up next week with a second half, but we'll go ahead and get started this week.
• 3:27
  Daniel Moore: Our episode is entitled the Hidden Cost of Marital Exhaustion.
• 3:41
  Michelle Moore: Life feels faster, busier and more hectic.
• 3:45
  Michelle Moore: Life feels faster, busier and more hectic.
• 3:48
  Michelle Moore: It's as if something or someone is conspiring to keep us exhausted and damage our marriages, once frenzied moment at a time.
• 3:55
  Michelle Moore: It reminds us of a story written by Geraldine Harris and Kristen Maddox about Satan's reworked plan to steal, kill and destroy.
• 4:07
  Michelle Moore: Satan called a worldwide convention.
• 4:12
  Michelle Moore: In his opening address to his demons, he said we can't keep the Christians from going to church.
• 4:18
  Michelle Moore: We can't keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth.
• 4:22
  Michelle Moore: We can't even keep them from biblical values.
• 4:26
  Michelle Moore: But we can do something else.
• 4:29
  Michelle Moore: We can keep them from forming an intimate, continual experience with Christ.
• 4:34
  Michelle Moore: If they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken.
• 4:41
  Michelle Moore: So let them go to church, let them have their Christian lifestyles, but still their time, so they can't gain that experience with Jesus Christ.
• 4:50
  Michelle Moore: This is what I want you to do Distract them from gaining hold of their Savior and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day.
• 5:02
  Michelle Moore: How shall we do this, asked his demons.
• 5:04
  Michelle Moore: Throughout their day.
• 5:08
  Michelle Moore: How shall we do this, asked his demons.
• 5:09
  Michelle Moore: Keep them busy with the non-essentials of life and invest unnumbered schemes to occupy their minds.
• 5:12
  Michelle Moore: He answered Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, then borrow, borrow and borrow.
• 5:21
  Michelle Moore: Convince them to work six or seven days a week, 10 to 12 hours a day, so they can afford their lifestyles.
• 5:29
  Michelle Moore: Keep them from spending time with their spouse and children.
• 5:34
  Michelle Moore: As their families fragment soon, their homes will offer no escape from the pressures of work.
• 5:40
  Michelle Moore: Overstimulate their minds so they cannot hear that still small voice.
• 5:46
  Michelle Moore: Entice them to keep the TV, computers, tablets, smartphones, video games going constantly in their homes.
• 5:55
  Michelle Moore: Pound their minds with social media and news 24 hours a day.
• 6:00
  Michelle Moore: Invade their driving moments with endless choices of music, sports and talk radio.
• 6:08
  Michelle Moore: Flood their mailboxes and email with junk sweepstakes and every kind of newsletter and promotion, even in their recreation.
• 6:20
  Michelle Moore: Let them be excessive.
• 6:21
  Michelle Moore: Have them return from their holidays exhausted, disquieted and unprepared for the coming week when they gather for spiritual fellowship.
• 6:32
  Michelle Moore: Involve them in gossip and small talk so they'll leave with their souls unfulfilled.
• 6:38
  Michelle Moore: Let them be involved in evangelism but crowd their lives with so many good causes that they have no time to seek power from Christ.
• 6:49
  Michelle Moore: Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family unity for the good of the cause.
• 6:59
  Michelle Moore: It was quite a convention and the demons went eagerly to their assignments.
• 7:08
  Daniel Moore: So the question is here after reading that little story has Satan's plan worked?
• 7:16
  Michelle Moore: Yes, it has.
• 7:17
  Daniel Moore: Satan's plan has worked, I think, even as Michelle and I was looking through this episode.
• 7:25
  Daniel Moore: You know it's easy for us to even look at ourselves and see.
• 7:30
  Daniel Moore: You know how busy we are and you know we have to be super careful with how we align our schedules and all the different things that we have going on in our lives.
• 7:43
  Daniel Moore: And you know the question there has Satan's plan worked?
• 7:47
  Daniel Moore: Well, you know, it certainly seems to be.
• 7:49
  Daniel Moore: It certainly seems like it is working.
• 7:51
  Daniel Moore: We find ourselves caught up in a whirlwind of modern life, constantly moving, endlessly busy.
• 7:57
  Daniel Moore: Our schedules are brimming with worthwhile pursuits, such as careers, raising children, school events, household chores, hobbies, fitness, raising children, school events, household chores, hobbies, fitness routines, volunteering, spiritual commitments, social gatherings and extended family obligations, and within themselves, all of those things don't really seem bad.
• 8:17
  Michelle Moore: No.
• 8:18
  Daniel Moore: I mean, that's kind of how you know.
• 8:19
  Daniel Moore: So goes life.
• 8:20
  Daniel Moore: You know, a lot of those things are just incorporated into parts of life and just the way things go.
• 8:25
  Daniel Moore: Yet, despite these seemingly positive engagements, we feel depleted and overwhelmed.
• 8:30
  Daniel Moore: There is a force working tirelessly to keep our minds scattered and our lives overcrowded, quietly convincing us that staying busy with quote unquote meaningful activities is the best use of our time, and I know that a lot of times when I think about the things that we do, do you know, probably, I don't know what would you say about at least 80% of what we do in our life is probably things that we consider important.
• 8:59
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 9:00
  Daniel Moore: You know, things that we feel like we have to do on a daily basis to make our lives work.
• 9:04
  Daniel Moore: But even those good things can be bad in excess if we're not careful.
• 9:10
  Daniel Moore: We admit how drained and anxious that we feel.
• 9:14
  Daniel Moore: Society often responds with little compassion, telling us that we chose this space and should simply just get tougher.
• 9:22
  Daniel Moore: Quit being a whiner and suck it up, buttercup.
• 9:24
  Daniel Moore: Many of us live in fear of letting others down or appearing inadequate.
• 9:29
  Michelle Moore: I think that would probably be mine more living in fear of letting others down.
• 9:35
  Daniel Moore: The pressure there to please others and make, and especially if you have a good work ethic.
• 9:40
  Daniel Moore: You know there's a generation that we've come from that works hard.
• 9:46
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and we do care about what our bosses think our workplace, what they think about our performance.
• 9:52
  Daniel Moore: While we're doing our jobs and you know, being parents, we want to make sure that we do the best that we can and, you know, just pour into our kids.
• 10:01
  Daniel Moore: You know everything that we do.
• 10:02
  Daniel Moore: You know everything that we do.
• 10:03
  Michelle Moore: I know it could go from my experience you know.
• 10:06
  Daniel Moore: It seems like a lot of people in our generation.
• 10:08
  Daniel Moore: They want to make sure they do the best they can at everything that they do.
• 10:12
  Daniel Moore: I was going to say it's everything.
• 10:13
  Michelle Moore: It's not just one thing.
• 10:14
  Michelle Moore: It's, you know, whether it's a job, being a wife, being a nana, you know, serving.
• 10:20
  Michelle Moore: I mean anything and everything.
• 10:22
  Michelle Moore: You know.
• 10:22
  Michelle Moore: I just I feel that sometimes, you know, I just I feel that sometimes, of you know, I don't want to let anybody down at the same time.
• 10:27
  Michelle Moore: It kind of burns me out.
• 10:30
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and I.
• 10:32
  Michelle Moore: I burn out and just like, okay, I'm letting myself down.
• 10:36
  Daniel Moore: And you know, and what's bad and we'll probably get into this a little bit later, probably, but what's bad about that too is we always want to make sure that, when we get into that burnout stage, we always want to make sure that we keep our responsibilities up to the people on the outside of our sphere, because we always want them to see the better part of what we think, what we want them to think that our life is, and that makes the inside suffer, which is where our marriage is, it's where our family's at, and a lot of times, we find ourselves, I think, sacrificing the home relationship, the marriage relationship with the kids and your immediate family.
• 11:16
  Daniel Moore: We sacrifice that a lot to make sure it looks good out here.
• 11:19
  Daniel Moore: It's that what you might want to call the Facebook effect or Instagram effect.
• 11:23
  Daniel Moore: You know how everybody always puts their greatest highlight reels on online and makes it look like everything's perfect, and you know, a lot of times, I think, we do that just because we don't want to let people down that rely on us, that you know we want to look good to them with everything that we do, and so, yeah, I agree with you on that.
• 11:47
  Daniel Moore: You know what we do when this type of thing happens, we silence our burnout, telling ourselves to keep going and ignore the signs of wear, rather than learning healthy rhythms for rest and reflection.
• 11:59
  Daniel Moore: We tend to repeat the example we saw growing up Parents constantly on the go, existing in the same tired and overloaded life.
• 12:07
  Daniel Moore: So we continue, weary and detached, functioning more like machines than people, and I know with my situation and I think I've mentioned this before on some podcast episodes that we've done.
• 12:18
  Daniel Moore: You know my dad from the whole time that I remember for the most part he always worked two plus jobs.
• 12:25
  Daniel Moore: Sometimes he had three and I know one time he had four.
• 12:28
  Daniel Moore: He had several part time things going on.
• 12:31
  Daniel Moore: He owned his own business and he had a full time job.
• 12:33
  Daniel Moore: And you know, when I grew up we still were tight.
• 12:37
  Daniel Moore: You know it's like he worked all of that time and made the paychecks and everything.
• 12:42
  Daniel Moore: But I still remember, you know, getting an ice cream cone at McDonald's or getting a Happy Meal as a luxury back then.
• 12:49
  Daniel Moore: you know, and I guess you know, when I grew up I don't know if I do have a strong work ethic within myself, because I'll work multiple jobs and I'll push myself and push myself and push myself to make that happen.
• 13:03
  Daniel Moore: And that's happened even within our marriage where I've had multiple jobs.
• 13:07
  Daniel Moore: And sometimes I wonder if, because I see other people that do that and they just can't handle it, and they just never.
• 13:14
  Daniel Moore: They just always they'll start something that's extra, but then they don't last very long because they just they get tired of it.
• 13:21
  Michelle Moore: It's not that I would get tired of it.
• 13:23
  Daniel Moore: My body gets tired Body yeah, whatever reasons may be, but you know, I myself, I know with my personality, the way I am.
• 13:30
  Daniel Moore: I'll just keep pushing myself through it if I'm exhausted or not.
• 13:33
  Daniel Moore: And that could possibly be coming back from my childhood, you know, watching my parents, because we do bring a lot of that into our marriages sometimes.
• 13:43
  Daniel Moore: But the problem is the second up strategy is not working.
• 13:48
  Daniel Moore: You know, pushing past our tired bodies and weary hearts only deepens that strain.
• 13:52
  Daniel Moore: It just makes it worse.
• 13:53
  Daniel Moore: More and more people are skipping breaks, working extended hours, juggling multiple jobs just to keep up, and they're putting off retirement way past retirement age.
• 14:04
  Daniel Moore: That's probably going to be me, probably.
• 14:06
  Daniel Moore: Daily responsibilities seem endless Running a household, raising kids, keeping up with errands and staying socially active.
• 14:13
  Daniel Moore: Many of us fall into patterns of overconsumption, going into debt for things we think will bring us happiness.
• 14:18
  Daniel Moore: As parents, we genuinely want the best for our children, so we overschedule them with sports lessons, activities and those really high expectations.
• 14:28
  Daniel Moore: Yep, commuting takes up hours of our week.
• 14:31
  Daniel Moore: We chase comparisons, striving to keep up with our neighbor's pristine lawns or upgraded vehicles.
• 14:36
  Daniel Moore: Our calendars are overcrowded.
• 14:38
  Daniel Moore: We struggle to keep track of appointments, miss deadlines and live in a constant rush.
• 14:42
  Daniel Moore: Our phones keep us tethered to demands never allowing for a mental or emotional break.
• 14:48
  Daniel Moore: Meanwhile, social media paints a picture of flawless lives, leaving us feeling inadequate as we scroll through filtered perfection.
• 14:55
  Daniel Moore: And I kind of smile because the part there about the lawns we've had two neighbors in a row that we compete with all the time in our yard.
• 15:06
  Michelle Moore: They hear you say that.
• 15:08
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, they hear us.
• 15:09
  Daniel Moore: I don't know if they listen to our podcast or not.
• 15:12
  Daniel Moore: They're great, great people, it's funny because they love to mow.
• 15:18
  Daniel Moore: They just take pride in their yard.
• 15:19
  Daniel Moore: I can't say I love to mow that much.
• 15:21
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, I know we always tease about it.
• 15:23
  Daniel Moore: It's like man, they must love riding on that mower, you know, um, but we'll, you know, they'll mow twice and then ours looks like a jungle.
• 15:31
  Daniel Moore: So I have to get out there to mow mine, you know, make it look look the same, um, but yeah, it's, you know, little stuff like that.
• 15:38
  Daniel Moore: Uh, it's things you have to do.
• 15:41
  Daniel Moore: I mean, it's not.
• 15:41
  Daniel Moore: You can't just let your yard grow, obviously, um, but but that does, that becomes.
• 15:44
  Daniel Moore: You know it's a comp, it's not.
• 15:44
  Daniel Moore: You can't just let your yard grow, obviously, but that does that becomes, you know it's not.
• 15:47
  Daniel Moore: I don't want to say it's a competition, but it's just something that you know.
• 15:50
  Daniel Moore: It's something else that just keeps you going with something else to do.
• 15:54
  Michelle Moore: And there's just so much that you have to do to keep going, because it is something you have to do.
• 15:58
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 15:59
  Daniel Moore: So we understand that bonding with our partner is important, and so, on this part of it, we promised date nights or romantic weekends.
• 16:08
  Daniel Moore: But what happens?
• 16:09
  Daniel Moore: More often than not, those plans just remain ideas.
• 16:13
  Daniel Moore: And how many times have we done that?
• 16:15
  Michelle Moore: Yep.
• 16:16
  Daniel Moore: And a lot of you out there listening has probably done that.
• 16:18
  Daniel Moore: We desire excellence in every role, whether professional, parental, relational or spiritual.
• 16:23
  Daniel Moore: But we're constantly pursuing ideal versions of ourselves is wearing us down.
• 16:28
  Daniel Moore: The drive for perfection comes at a cost Our bodies are taxed, our spirit is discouraged and our relationships suffer.
• 16:36
  Daniel Moore: Life becomes so crammed that there's barely any space left to breathe, let alone connect.
• 16:42
  Daniel Moore: But not all exhaustion arises from overcommitment by choice.
• 16:45
  Daniel Moore: Some stages of life come with built-in burdens, such as caring for young children, starting a new job, managing a serious illness or taking care of an elderly parent, raising a child with unique needs.
• 16:58
  Daniel Moore: These aren't things we can drop from our schedule, yet they leave us drained at the same time.
• 17:03
  Daniel Moore: You know, thinking back over the last several days you know those of you that are listening out there did you feel overwhelmed?
• 17:10
  Daniel Moore: Did your calendar leave little room for rest?
• 17:13
  Daniel Moore: Did stress or fatigue follow you to bed?
• 17:16
  Daniel Moore: Feeling constantly behind is normal for many, but the question remains is this way of living actually helping?
• 17:23
  Daniel Moore: And my wife's over here raising her hand on every question we just asked here?
• 17:28
  Daniel Moore: Sorry, guys, I think we're all affected.
• 17:32
  Michelle Moore: I don't think any of us are immune from having all of this going on, and I think it's just seasons of life at times.
• 17:39
  Daniel Moore: Well, the cost of keeping up the pace is steep.
• 17:41
  Daniel Moore: You know nonstop tasks.
• 17:43
  Daniel Moore: They lead to rushed relationships, which in turn lead to depleted, disengaged people.
• 17:48
  Daniel Moore: There's a powerful visual in Chinese language where the word for busy is made up of two characters heart and killing.
• 17:56
  Daniel Moore: A life of chronic busyness slowly kills off what matters most our inner vitality, our connection to God, our marriage and emotional presence that we owe our children.
• 18:07
  Daniel Moore: When our hearts are barren, our relationships pay the price.
• 18:11
  Daniel Moore: We can't pour into others if we're running on fumes.
• 18:14
  Daniel Moore: So what's the fix?
• 18:16
  Daniel Moore: Do we just push through and try harder?
• 18:18
  Daniel Moore: That's not really the solution.
• 18:21
  Daniel Moore: This isn't about better time management or fitting more into your calendar.
• 18:26
  Daniel Moore: Our focus isn't on doing less either.
• 18:29
  Daniel Moore: The true transformation comes in learning to give more, more love, more attention, more joy, but from a place of abundance and not emptiness.
• 18:39
  Daniel Moore: It starts with finding a rhythm of life that allows your body to rest and your heart to thrive.
• 19:01
  Michelle Moore: You know, when I first read that, I was kind of like oh yeah, you know, I think the solution is just, you know, doing less and just, you know, focusing on God and taking time to yourself.
• 19:08
  Michelle Moore: You know, instead of go, go go, you have that downtime.
• 19:11
  Michelle Moore: And when I read this and I was like what?
• 19:14
  Michelle Moore: I mean to me that's just like I recharge by taking a break, you know, and getting my priority straight and going back and setting those boundaries that I have broken because I've allowed.
• 19:27
  Michelle Moore: Oh yes, I'll do that.
• 19:28
  Michelle Moore: Oh yes, I can do that.
• 19:29
  Michelle Moore: And I think sometimes I just I forgot my boundary and it's like, by the time it's done and over with, I'm just exhausted.
• 19:37
  Michelle Moore: And you know me, I mean my exhaustion level is totally different than what it used to be because of my surgeries.
• 19:44
  Michelle Moore: But yeah.
• 19:45
  Michelle Moore: I definitely feel it a lot more now, and it may be because I'm getting older as well.
• 19:50
  Michelle Moore: But I also think when I was reading this, I was like giving more, more love, more attention and more joy.
• 19:58
  Michelle Moore: I was like from a place of abundance, not emptiness, because when you're on the go you're just running yourself completely dry.
• 20:09
  Michelle Moore: It's a difference than from an abundance.
• 20:12
  Michelle Moore: So I was reading that and I just kept going back to it.
• 20:15
  Michelle Moore: I was like, wow, this is interesting.
• 20:17
  Michelle Moore: I'm not sure that I've ever seen it this way.
• 20:20
  Daniel Moore: Yeah and coming up.
• 20:21
  Daniel Moore: It's probably going to be a next week's episode, but we will get to how we get that abundance.
• 20:26
  Daniel Moore: Because I know right now, as everything that we've just covered here, that's us.
• 20:32
  Daniel Moore: I mean we're all sitting here thinking, oh my goodness, that's me, I relate to that, you know.
• 20:37
  Daniel Moore: I mean, this is my life right now, as we speak, and me and you have talked about this several times.
• 20:44
  Daniel Moore: You know, you're in your upper 40s, I'm in my lower 50s and we both, at one point in our life, thought that when we got older and our kids got out of the house and we didn't have all this stuff going on all the time, that our lives would slow down.
• 20:56
  Michelle Moore: That was a lie.
• 20:57
  Daniel Moore: Oh, my goodness, I don't know what happened.
• 20:59
  Daniel Moore: I mean, it's just, we just talked about this the other day of several times, we've talked about several people about it, but the month of July, we didn't even know what we did.
• 21:07
  Michelle Moore: It just flew by, I mean, and just like I can't even believe what day we're on in August.
• 21:13
  Daniel Moore: Already a week into it.
• 21:15
  Michelle Moore: I feel like we're so busy that we just lose track of everything and I fell over because I'm like what did we do in July?
• 21:22
  Michelle Moore: It was a blur it was, and I don't like that, you know, because I'm just like, but at the same time I mean obviously we're you know, moving along, because here we are.
• 21:36
  Daniel Moore: Yeah.
• 21:36
  Michelle Moore: Which I got to make this comment.
• 21:38
  Michelle Moore: You guys are going to hear this in a couple of weeks, but we do have a new grandbaby.
• 21:44
  Michelle Moore: Yes, that's kind of taken a new grandbaby.
• 21:46
  Daniel Moore: Yes.
• 21:46
  Michelle Moore: That's kind of taken a little bit of our time.
• 21:48
  Daniel Moore: So Well, actually two episodes ago I think, we were talking about our family.
• 21:52
  Daniel Moore: We said we had three grandchildren and one on the way at any moment.
• 21:56
  Daniel Moore: Well, that's happened.
• 21:58
  Daniel Moore: We have our little granddaughter and so we have four now.
• 22:01
  Daniel Moore: And you know, it's just crazy when not even just 10, 15 years ago, you know that stuff just wasn't on our radar.
• 22:11
  Michelle Moore: No.
• 22:11
  Daniel Moore: You know, no, that you know.
• 22:21
  Daniel Moore: We read this description of our lives and really how we feel right at the moment just the exhaustion and all the things that takes place.
• 22:29
  Daniel Moore: That takes up all of our time.
• 22:30
  Daniel Moore: You have to think a lot about priorities, really, because all of that can be overwhelming and it can definitely warp your priorities when it comes to where does your marriage fit into all of this you know, because especially you know, like us, we've got another granddaughter now, so now that's four grandchildren that we're going to be spreading our attention to.
• 22:55
  Daniel Moore: Then we have our kids, we have our church family, we have our actual, you know immediate family, we have our work family, have our friends.
• 23:02
  Daniel Moore: I mean, you know, just as you get older honestly, I think as you get older, that that big bubble of of life that you know gets bigger.
• 23:11
  Daniel Moore: It just continues to grow.
• 23:13
  Daniel Moore: And when that happens because the longer you go, the more people you get to know, the more friends you make.
• 23:19
  Daniel Moore: You know it's just.
• 23:21
  Daniel Moore: That's just the way life runs and so there has to be a balance there.
• 23:25
  Daniel Moore: We have to be careful because, as the title of this episode says, you know there's there can be marital exhaustion in your life if you don't take care of things like you should and make sure that you keep your priorities in the right place and make sure that you protect your marriage in the right place and make sure that you protect your marriage and that kind of comes into putting those hedges in place, those boundaries in place in some places that are healthy.
• 23:51
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and like we talked about here over this you know, about a month ago we went through several episodes on that those boundaries are very important sometimes.
• 24:00
  Michelle Moore: So why do I always break them?
• 24:02
  Michelle Moore: I wouldn't say always.
• 24:04
  Daniel Moore: We had an episode on that.
• 24:05
  Daniel Moore: I think you're the one that had an episode on that.
• 24:10
  Daniel Moore: No, sorry, I think you're the one that wrote that episode weren't you?
• 24:12
  Michelle Moore: I'm just like I was thinking the other day.
• 24:14
  Michelle Moore: I'm like, for the next several weekends, we have our granddaughters due to our son's surgery and our daughter-in-law working and I'm like, how did we get into this?
• 24:25
  Michelle Moore: Like there's three of them from the age of five to 10 months old.
• 24:29
  Michelle Moore: I'm not used to that.
• 24:32
  Michelle Moore: I'm not used to it, but I'm like, you know, we set boundaries to where we always take some time to ourselves, and I'm like there's not one weekend that we have to ourselves.
• 24:41
  Daniel Moore: So it's going to be a while before we're going to have any alone time necessarily.
• 24:46
  Michelle Moore: And I'm just like you know, we're going to be really creative.
• 24:49
  Daniel Moore: I'm like why did I?
• 24:50
  Michelle Moore: allow that, like you know, I mean I should have you know, like you need to find somebody else, you know, and because this is our time, you know, and I didn't do that, and that's this Nana here is second guessing her boundary that she Well, I think any Nana would do it.
• 25:08
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, I mean.
• 25:10
  Daniel Moore: And it's OK, I mean it's just a season.
• 25:12
  Daniel Moore: It's OK, I mean it's just a season, and but the thing is, you know with us and this is, I think, the whole point of this episode is you have to make sure that, even though you have all this stuff going on, you just got to make sure you're intentional.
• 25:27
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 25:27
  Daniel Moore: You know you and I are going to make it through this fine, because we've been there, done that and we know what happens if we start ignoring signs and start just letting things you know get the best of us.
• 25:39
  Daniel Moore: We try not to let that happen anymore.
• 25:43
  Michelle Moore: And I would say we're pretty good about that.
• 25:45
  Daniel Moore: Everything that we do, we do it together for the most part, and you know it's, it's all.
• 25:51
  Daniel Moore: It's just a rhythm in life that you have to figure out and understand how that works.
• 25:57
  Daniel Moore: And it brings us here to a story about myself.
• 26:00
  Daniel Moore: When I was a young boy, my parents made me play the piano and I put made there because I did not want to play the piano.
• 26:09
  Daniel Moore: It was a painful part of my childhood.
• 26:12
  Daniel Moore: When my friends were outside playing after school, I was stuck, sometimes practicing on an old, rickety piano.
• 26:18
  Daniel Moore: Well, robin Woody he was my instructor.
• 26:21
  Daniel Moore: He was a kind and patient guy who had to endure 30 minutes of me whining every Wednesday afternoon at practice.
• 26:27
  Daniel Moore: Aside from the trauma of missing precious playtime with my friends, about all I remember from Mr Woody's lessons was his metronome, that pyramid shaped wooden contraption with the long metal bar that swings back and forth and makes a clicking sound.
• 26:41
  Daniel Moore: I was certain his metronome was some medieval device used to hypnotize young boys into practicing the piano.
• 26:48
  Daniel Moore: It didn't really work on me, but at the time I had no idea that Mr Woody's metronome was teaching me a powerful lesson well beyond that piano Musicians, if you're any type of musician out there, or even if you're related to one, you probably know what a metronome is.
• 27:05
  Daniel Moore: Musicians have used metronomes for centuries to help them develop a strong sense of rhythm and tempo.
• 27:11
  Daniel Moore: A metronome produces a steady beat that lets us know if we're slowing down or speeding up while we're practicing, helps us stay on the same beat that we're supposed to be keeping steady.
• 27:22
  Daniel Moore: Musicians are free to think about other things in music, such as phrasing and dynamics, because the metronome there keeps them in line.
• 27:30
  Daniel Moore: Well, mr Woody was trying to teach me to play with the right pace, to know how fast or slow to play a song.
• 27:36
  Daniel Moore: He was using his metronome to force me to pay attention to time.
• 27:40
  Daniel Moore: Well, later in life I became a drummer and the metronome was a must have with my drumming.
• 27:47
  Daniel Moore: When I was on the praise team at the last church that I attended, we had a click and I ran that click through every song that we played, and that click was in everybody's ears on that stage, and so that helped because typically, if you don't have that click, the drummer has to pull the.
• 28:03
  Daniel Moore: If the singer starts singing too fast or the rest of the band starts playing too fast, the drummer's the timekeeper.
• 28:08
  Daniel Moore: So the drummer has to pull the band back and get it back on time so that you're not just blazing through a slow song or you're not, you know, cremating a fast one, you know.
• 28:18
  Daniel Moore: And so with that click in the ear, that takes a lot of the work off the drummer at that point, because everybody just follows that click you start singing too fast.
• 28:29
  Daniel Moore: You're going to know it because you're out running that click, and so you know.
• 28:34
  Daniel Moore: Just like musicians rely on a steady beat to stay in sync, we need an internal rhythm to guide the flow and pace of our lives.
• 28:41
  Daniel Moore: There is a force that thrives on keeping us moving too fast, wrapped up in chaos and constant activity, wearing us down until we're too exhausted to focus on what really matters.
• 28:52
  Daniel Moore: But we weren't created to live that way.
• 28:55
  Daniel Moore: God designed life with intention and rhythm.
• 29:05
  Daniel Moore: Where rest purpose and connection come together.
• 29:07
  Daniel Moore: Earlier you read that story and that was the whole purpose of that convention that the story was about.
• 29:12
  Daniel Moore: You know Satan was wanting to get his demons out there, to disrupt that timing in everybody's lives, to make chaos.
• 29:21
  Daniel Moore: You know, if you have five people clapping their hands to the same song but they're all clapping to a different beat, that's going to sound horrible.
• 29:30
  Daniel Moore: You know that just doesn't go together and that's what Satan wants for us in life.
• 29:36
  Daniel Moore: He wants us to just be chaotic and not have anything put together.
• 29:40
  Daniel Moore: Because when he can accomplish that, then it puts us in a position where, instead of us keeping our eyes on God, like we should be, with our marriage and our families and all those kinds of things, we end up just running in circles all the time trying to catch up with ourselves.
• 29:57
  Daniel Moore: And then the exhaustion comes, in which we know what it's like when we're exhausted Things that mean a lot to us, all of a sudden we're just too tired to deal with it anymore.
• 30:09
  Daniel Moore: You know we just we want to sleep, we want to get away from everybody, and that's not a good thing when it's your marriage or your spouse or your family life that you're trying to stay away from.
• 30:21
  Daniel Moore: But that's how Satan wants it.
• 30:23
  Daniel Moore: You know he wants to bust that up.
• 30:26
  Daniel Moore: Author John Ortberg once shared a moment when he asked his spiritual mentor how to grow closer to God.
• 30:31
  Daniel Moore: The simple but powerful response was you must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.
• 30:37
  Daniel Moore: That's all he told him.
• 30:39
  Daniel Moore: That advice still holds deep truth.
• 30:43
  Daniel Moore: Living constantly overwhelmed, anxious, exhausted, joyless, stressed out, depressed, worn down, overloaded, hurried, bitter, burned out, resentful and empty lives, because it keeps us from the living out his greater commandments, which is to love God, and empty lives because it keeps us from the living out his greater commandments, which is to love God and others, and it ultimately hinders our marriages as we become weary roommates.
• 31:02
  Daniel Moore: That lifestyle keeps us from loving fully both God and those closest to us.
• 31:08
  Daniel Moore: When we live at an unsustainable pace, our marriages suffer.
• 31:12
  Daniel Moore: We become like ships passing in the night physically present but emotionally disconnected.
• 31:18
  Daniel Moore: And, as I've talked many times, I can vividly remember when we were ships passing in the night, and some of that was because, you know, when we were talking about the four laws of love and we was talking about the order in the home.
• 31:34
  Daniel Moore: You know, there, for some, quite some time, was talking about the order in the home.
• 31:38
  Daniel Moore: You know, there for some, quite some time we put the kids in front of ourselves and we ran ourselves ragged.
• 31:42
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 31:42
  Daniel Moore: I'm just trying to keep up with everything that they had going on, and we had a season there that me and you wasn't really connecting very well.
• 31:53
  Daniel Moore: You know, it's like all we were concerned about was where's the kids going to be next.
• 31:57
  Daniel Moore: That's all we.
• 31:58
  Daniel Moore: You know our conversation and our life, everything was built around the next event that one of our children was going to be at.
• 32:05
  Daniel Moore: Or you know, we were even coaching at that time, when the kids weren't doing traveling stuff, we were coaching it, and that's a good thing.
• 32:15
  Daniel Moore: You want to be a part of your kid's life and you want them to do the things that they're talented to do and you want to be a part of family life.
• 32:22
  Daniel Moore: But there comes a point where you've got to be careful, Because if you don't, then all of that becomes a priority.
• 32:29
  Daniel Moore: Then you forget you know me and you and the spouses, they start not paying attention to each other.
• 32:36
  Daniel Moore: So the kind of marriage that most people dream about doesn't come from surviving on empty.
• 32:41
  Daniel Moore: It takes fully engaged hearts to build lasting love.
• 32:45
  Daniel Moore: Love blossoms from a heart that's full.
• 32:48
  Daniel Moore: Deep connection requires emotional stamina.
• 32:52
  Daniel Moore: Romance and desire need physical and mental energy.
• 32:55
  Daniel Moore: Closeness develops through intentional effort.
• 32:58
  Daniel Moore: Joy and playfulness come from a place of rest.
• 33:01
  Daniel Moore: Offering grace takes endurance.
• 33:04
  Daniel Moore: Extending forgiveness calls for inner strength.
• 33:07
  Daniel Moore: These things are available and possible in a healthy marriage, but none of them thrive in a life that's racing at full speed, with a soul that's weary and depleted.
• 33:19
  Daniel Moore: Jesus emphasized the importance of wholehearted love when someone asked him to name the most important commandment.
• 33:25
  Daniel Moore: That was and you shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength.
• 33:32
  Daniel Moore: The second is this all your mind and with all your strength.
• 33:36
  Daniel Moore: The second is this you shall love your neighbor as yourself.
• 33:37
  Daniel Moore: There is no other commandment greater than these.
• 33:39
  Daniel Moore: That's Mark 12, 30 and 31.
• 33:41
  Daniel Moore: Love is meant to be our core calling.
• 33:44
  Daniel Moore: God's desire is for us to love him deeply and to extend that same care and compassion to those around us with our full hearts, minds and lives.
• 33:53
  Daniel Moore: Jesus made it clear that the most powerful evidence of our connection to him is in how we love others.
• 33:59
  Daniel Moore: That's in John 13, verses 34 and 35.
• 34:02
  Daniel Moore: If that's true, it becomes clear that people who are drained, worn out and running on empty will struggle to love in the way that God intends.
• 34:12
  Daniel Moore: Somewhere along the way, christian culture began to twist the greatest commandments.
• 34:16
  Daniel Moore: Instead of loving God and others as we love ourselves, the message subtly shifted to loving God and others at the expense of ourselves.
• 34:25
  Daniel Moore: But that's not what we're called to do.
• 34:28
  Daniel Moore: The truth is, we can't pour into others when our own well is dry.
• 34:32
  Daniel Moore: We can't reflect God's love if we haven't taken the time to receive and refill it ourselves.
• 34:39
  Daniel Moore: We can't give what we really don't have.
• 34:44
  Daniel Moore: I know with you we've talked about your medical situation that you've had in the past, which has made it a challenge for you to keep your stamina, your energy levels, those types of things elevated.
• 35:00
  Daniel Moore: And so, with you being busy a lot of times, you're exhausted a lot.
• 35:06
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, you're tired a lot.
• 35:07
  Daniel Moore: We can get a full night of sleep technically.
• 35:12
  Daniel Moore: I don't know if I said that online and you feel like you don't get a full night of sleep, you know.
• 35:15
  Daniel Moore: But, as we talked about earlier, you and I have been through a lot and we've kind of figured out how to to work around that and make sure that we're intentional.
• 35:28
  Daniel Moore: And so since that time that you've had your surgeries and this life change has happened with you.
• 35:36
  Daniel Moore: What are some driving forces in your life really that makes you want to make sure that, no matter how tired you get, no matter how exhausted you are, that you're still intentional with our relationship with the home, with the church, god's relationship that you have with God, your friends and what's some things that you've changed in your own life that you know kind of helps you with all of that.
• 36:04
  Michelle Moore: I think it really comes down to the way I look at it.
• 36:07
  Michelle Moore: You know it's dependent on you know the way I perceive things and you know, if God says for me to do this, and I'm going to do it, because he's the one that gives me strength, not me, and he knows where I'm at, he knows how I feel, and so that's the way I mean I kind of look at in all ways of like my marriage.
• 36:31
  Michelle Moore: You know he's placed you, he's placed my family, my friends, my job.
• 36:36
  Michelle Moore: You know he gives me the supernatural strength to do it, and so that's the way I kind of look at it, more now than what I used to.
• 36:44
  Michelle Moore: And you know I just go before him hey, my body's tired, my mind's tired, I need you.
• 36:51
  Michelle Moore: This is what I'm supposed to be doing and you know, even when we record podcasts, sometimes you can tell.
• 36:57
  Michelle Moore: But I'm like there are times that I know that God's going to go before me and use the words.
• 37:03
  Michelle Moore: I mean he does every time, but there are times where I'm just exhausted.
• 37:08
  Michelle Moore: But he always gives me the strength and I just I rely more heavily on him than myself.
• 37:16
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and that's very important.
• 37:18
  Daniel Moore: And I think, too, that one thing that you and I have also figured out to a point is I can read you pretty well and you can read me pretty well, and so when I know that you're getting super exhausted, then I'll try to step up and try to help whatever you need to try to take some of that load off, and vice versa, you'll do that for me as well, and so I think that's another lesson that we learned the hard way as we was going through a lot of the things within our marriage.
• 37:49
  Daniel Moore: And you know, if there's a, if there's couples out there right now that are they're struggling with that, one spouse being exhausted and the other one just full of energy, but they don't seem to want to help, you know, might want to think a little bit about how you, how you, operate with each other.
• 38:05
  Daniel Moore: Because, as we talked about before, this is, these relationships are a hundred, 100, right, they're not 50, 50, they're not 75,75.
• 38:16
  Daniel Moore: The 50-50 thing, you know, I've heard that said before, but in all reality that's not true.
• 38:21
  Daniel Moore: That's not how that works.
• 38:23
  Daniel Moore: It's 100-100.
• 38:24
  Daniel Moore: And so, what I bring to the table, I need to make sure I bring 100% of who I am to you, anything that you need, any support that you need.
• 38:36
  Daniel Moore: I need to be that support system that will help lift you up when you're having some bad low times in your valleys, and then that's what you bring to the table from your side as well, and in that fashion, we both help build each other up.
• 38:50
  Michelle Moore: Can I make a comment, as I'm sitting here and I'm just going to kind of tell myself, you know, in part of the relationship too, I mean I feel like I I mean there's probably wives out here that probably are going to either agree or disagree, but I feel like you are the one that steps in more than what I do to help because of everything I've been through and I always feel like it's one-sided.
• 39:16
  Michelle Moore: So there are not as many times that you ask or I can tell that you've got something going on, just simply because you have it all together for the most part.
• 39:29
  Michelle Moore: So I'm telling them myself.
• 39:31
  Michelle Moore: But it's very interesting how it flip-flopped, you know.
• 39:37
  Michelle Moore: I want to say previously it was, you were always gone, you were working, I did it, you know, did a lot, and now it's totally it's kind of opposite.
• 39:45
  Michelle Moore: I did it, you know, did a lot, and now it's totally it's kind of opposite.
• 39:48
  Michelle Moore: And that's been really hard for me to as a wife, because I was raised as the wife does everything Take care of the household, you take care of the husband, you do everything, you clean, you know.
• 39:58
  Daniel Moore: Pick my tacos.
• 40:00
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, and it's.
• 40:02
  Michelle Moore: It's kind of got sometimes when I think about Dan and I, I think about man.
• 40:06
  Michelle Moore: I'm spoiled.
• 40:07
  Michelle Moore: You know I'm spoiled rotten, but it's really not that I'm spoiled.
• 40:11
  Michelle Moore: I mean, I still do my fair share of things, but it's in the season of life where he's really had to step up and, you know, take care of me through my health issues.
• 40:33
  Daniel Moore: And so that's been, that's been hard, but I mean how do you feel when you feel like it's more one sided?
• 40:37
  Daniel Moore: Or if you know a husband or a wife and it is one sided for us for a season, 100%, Because in this stage of life that you're in right now, with what you've had to go through, with the different surgeries and the different things, and if anybody's questioning what all that's about, there's an episode back I don't know a few months ago.
• 40:55
  Daniel Moore: I forgot how long ago it was.
• 40:56
  Daniel Moore: And we didn't go all in detail, we didn't go into a whole lot of detail, but so yeah, but we did do an episode on what happened to you and what caused a lot of these issues, but I I know you well enough that I know your limits and I'm not going to make you push yourself past your limits, any more than you want me to push myself past, mine you know, and so whenever it comes into the marriage and it comes into the relationship between each other, I I know that you're giving everything that you've got within you, within your boundary, to do your part in our marriage, which is quite a bit still.
• 41:34
  Daniel Moore: You're still very helpful and active in our marriage.
• 41:37
  Daniel Moore: It's not that you don't do.
• 41:38
  Daniel Moore: You do a lot of stuff, but I do know what your limits are and I can push myself a little further than what you typically can, and I'm okay with that because I know that you're doing your best and that's what matters to me.
• 41:53
  Daniel Moore: And so I think that's what this is all about, and we'll get more into this next week on how we get into this rest side of things and how we recharge ourselves and how we fill those empty places up.
• 42:05
  Daniel Moore: We'll get into that next week as we wrap up this actual episode.
• 42:08
  Daniel Moore: But just kind of, you know where we're at right at the moment in this discussion.
• 42:13
  Daniel Moore: You know husbands and wives out there if you're fighting and struggling through this, where you feel like one person is doing more than the other, and you know, or maybe even like in our situation, you know Michelle feels like she's not doing enough, although I feel like she is.
• 42:27
  Daniel Moore: I think that what you have to do is just you know, just do your best and if you truly know each other, like you should as spouses, as you get older and you're together longer, you're going to know each other better and better as time goes along.
• 42:44
  Daniel Moore: And, of course, we've been married a long time at this point and we've been through a lot.
• 42:48
  Daniel Moore: We've been through some really some really tough junk, and through all of that, we've came to know each other quite well, and so I have no doubt in my mind that you're doing your best of your side of it.
• 43:03
  Daniel Moore: Therefore, I'm willing to give my 100% from my side, and that's what makes this thing work when we have these negative feelings and these negative thoughts about our marriages because of how exhausted, how busy we are, how much stuff we have thrown into our daily lives every second that we're awake.
• 43:34
  Daniel Moore: You know this is exactly why Satan works so hard to keep you drained and distracted.
• 43:38
  Daniel Moore: His strategy is subtle, you know figure time to the brim, overwhelm your mind with constant task and push you to do everything except be still and connected to God.
• 43:49
  Daniel Moore: That's his whole goal is to keep us from focusing on our creator, the one who can destroy him.
• 43:55
  Daniel Moore: You know he wants to put enough stuff out there to distract us from that.
• 43:59
  Daniel Moore: The goal isn't always to make you sin outright, necessarily.
• 44:04
  Daniel Moore: Sometimes it's just simply to keep you too busy to notice that you're drifting away.
• 44:08
  Daniel Moore: We talked about the little foxes in a couple episodes ago, and that's how that works.
• 44:14
  Daniel Moore: You know the little things that Satan will do to try to distract you and take your mind off of what's important.
• 44:20
  Daniel Moore: And as those things pile up, eventually it becomes a bad situation and you start drifting away from what's important.
• 44:27
  Daniel Moore: He knows that a distracted, overextended life can slowly chip away at your spiritual strength and emotional well-being.
• 44:34
  Daniel Moore: Jesus, however, offers something entirely different.
• 44:36
  Daniel Moore: He didn't come just so that we could be saved for eternity.
• 44:40
  Daniel Moore: He came so we could experience richness, peace and meaning right now, right where we live in this moment.
• 44:46
  Daniel Moore: He said the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.
• 44:49
  Daniel Moore: He said I come that they may have life and have it more abundantly.
• 44:54
  Daniel Moore: That's John 10, 10.
• 44:55
  Daniel Moore: Jesus desires for us to live fully and freely, filled with life, love and purpose.
• 45:00
  Daniel Moore: He wants us rooted deeply in our connection with him so that we can, in turn, love others from a place of strength and wholeness, that well that springs out of us, that we use to fill other people's purposes and to help them through things.
• 45:15
  Daniel Moore: All of that comes from a basis based on Christ, on our cornerstone.
• 45:20
  Daniel Moore: So here's the real question who's guiding the rhythm of your life?
• 45:25
  Daniel Moore: The one who seeks to drain you or the one who came to restore you?
• 45:28
  Daniel Moore: The good news is that God offers a path forward.
• 45:31
  Daniel Moore: The first step is to slow down and pay attention to your life's pace.
• 45:36
  Daniel Moore: Start by reflecting on two powerful questions.
• 45:39
  Daniel Moore: The first one what genuinely brings you rest and what revives your heart and renews your energy?
• 45:46
  Daniel Moore: That's the second question.
• 45:47
  Daniel Moore: In answering these, you'll begin to discover the rhythm that God designed for you, a pace that gives life instead of taking it.
• 45:57
  Daniel Moore: And that's going to wrap up this episode.
• 45:58
  Daniel Moore: We'll come back next week and finish this, and that's what we're going to talk about.
• 46:02
  Daniel Moore: We're going to talk about what brings you rest in your marriages, in your life, in these moments that you're trying to exist right at the moment.
• 46:09
  Daniel Moore: And then we're also going to talk about what it takes to revive your heart and renew that energy inside of you.
• 46:14
  Daniel Moore: You know we've been talking that you have to do this stuff from an abundance.
• 46:17
  Daniel Moore: You have to do this stuff from a feeling that's inside of you, and right now you're probably thinking well, how in the world do I get to that point?
• 46:24
  Daniel Moore: I'm like on my last thread I just don't know what to do at this point.
• 46:29
  Daniel Moore: We're going to talk about that next week and we'll dig into the word a little bit and see what it says as far as allowing God to come inside of us and to rebuild what we need to have back there.
• 46:42
  Daniel Moore: So is there anything else you want to add to this week's?
• 46:44
  Michelle Moore: No, not this week.
• 46:45
  Daniel Moore: Okay, well, we'll come back next week and we'll finish up this episode and as we go, we just pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode.
• 46:57
  Daniel Moore: This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries and we pray that you have a blessed week.