Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #265 We Got Busted!

Transcript

#265 We Got Busted! · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: One of Nana's favourite things to do is movie time.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: World War II movie time.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: No, well, we've gone off World War II and I
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: had to pick something and I picked Whiplash.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: And I know that Nana's liked something because she then
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: researches everything about that movie.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: Is this off the back of saying my dad looks
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: like Whiplash?
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: No.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: She is obsessed with Whiplash right now.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: Really? Obsessed. I've never seen it.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: It's phenomenal. Phenomenal. But now I can't fucking shut up
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: about Whiplash.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: That's better than Trump.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: It's on par.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: It's a war I cannot win at home.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Back to the war documentaries.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Where's Tom Hanks?
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: She watched Terminal.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Who the fuck is watching Terminal?
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Are you serious?
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I am Matty J.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: And I'm Ash.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: the good, it is the bad.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: And the relatable.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: And we don't give advice.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: Should we just kick off housekeeping?
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I think we should probably do a deep dive into
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: the housekeeping.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: Roll your sleeves up.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Get the mop bucket.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Get the mop and bucket because it's a mess.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Emma is someone who listens to the podcast and she
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: is also someone who is a member of the exclusive
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Facebook club.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: A member.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: She has questioned us, Ash. She's stirring the pot.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: What'd she say?
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Let me read it to you. I've been listening to
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: the podcast since day one. Every single episode.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: Love that.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: She says here, Emma, I love it! Exclamation mark.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: I love that a lot.
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: But.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: Remove her from the group immediately.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Should I ban her?
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: You can't put buts in that comment.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: What the heck does housekeeping even mean, guys?
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: How dare you?
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: I'm so confused about what constitutes something being in housekeeping
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: or the normal part of the episode.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: That's the beauty of it. We fucking decide.
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: And I love you, Emma, but don't question our methods
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: or our segments again. Actually, yeah, you can do it.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: I don't really care that much. That was fake. It
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: was fake, Stern.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: It was good. I believed it. You're like a dictator.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: I will not. Oh, God, thank you. That was all
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: my energy. All right. Episode's over. Look, I think we
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: just decided that housekeeping was whatever.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: We- It's just the little knickknacks.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: It's just whatever's left over.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: It's the little knickknacks.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: It's the family filing cabinet. That's what it is.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: So I think- Jump on board.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Like, what have we got in housekeeping? What have we
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: got today? I'll start with Ash.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: That's me. Present.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: You popped your Daily Mail cherry.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: You nearly said Daily Bailey then. Yes, Daily Mail. I
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: honestly didn't even know.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Wasn't it Yahoo? Wasn't it Yahoo?
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: No, Yahoo I've done. Been there, done that. Yahoo's a
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: bit more credible.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Was it Daily Mail?
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: It looked like Yahoo.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: No, Vic's partner, Dan. He is an avid news reader
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: because he doesn't have any social media. So he doesn't.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: What does he do? He dude scrolls the news.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: What does he do?
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: I know he's in the nudes. Oh, God.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: How does he like, what does he do every night
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: with no social media? What's he up to? What's he doing?
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: He's doing exactly the same thing as you. He's doing
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: the scroll, but he does.
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: It with news articles.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: What the fuck?
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: He knows everything, though. We went to trivia and he
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: was like the surprise winning.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: He should go on like the have you been paying attention.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So he's just reading headline after headline after headline. Yeah.
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: And he goes he knows it.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: So he's reading the full story or is he just
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: doing headlines?
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: No, no, he reads the full story. Because he doesn't
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: have social media, he's like.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: It's pretty much the same thing. It is.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Has he tried social media?
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: No.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: It's great.
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: Do you know what he called it? A time waster.
• 3:54
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, what are you doing?
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: That's my job he's talking about, okay.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: You know what else wastes time? Building fucking decks. Fucking
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: building walls. Yeah, Dan.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: Also, I need you at my house in October.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: So he's had a taste of social media and he
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: just didn't like it.
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he saw he was just wasting too much time.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: I think like in his break, I think when he
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: gets the end of an article, he's like, okay.
• 4:19
  Speaker 4: Putting it down now, back to work. Whereas with social,
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: it's like it never ends.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: It never ends.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: I guess it's a maturity thing. If you're like, I
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: know Ellie fucking, Nana loves it.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: She's late on. She's a late bloomer too to the
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: social media.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: I know. Sometimes I'm like, do you ever get off
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: that thing?
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: You put your phone down just before. You're always on
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: your phone.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: I don't think he realizes though you can use socials
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: for news. So like I get a lot of my
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: news off.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: Facebook and Instagram.
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: Although.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: What's he doing in Daily Mail? Maybe the Guardian?
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: Hey, man, that was about me. He must have been
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: pumped when he saw his little mate there. He was.
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: He was very excited for you.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: Pick your bosses on the news.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: What was the article?
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: He reads just the news app. The Apple news app.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so it picks stuff for you.
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: I'm sure there's an algorithm in there. It's all fake.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: Fake news.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: What do they say about you?
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I'm beloved. That's all I took away from it, really.
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: Beloved comedian.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: I was on the beloved comedian.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Take that.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: Take that.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: For sure.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: I'm honestly, I'm getting a desk.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Have you read the comments though?
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: No, I don't. No, don't do that.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Don't do that.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: What did they say?
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Because they're always horrific. You could be like, like beloved
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Ash cured cancer. No, let's do it. No, come on.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: You don't want to do it. And they're like, no,
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to hurt that piece of shit. Yeah,
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: I like that. That fucking loser.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: Vic?
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: Have a knowledge.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: Vic's going to sense check this, whether I can handle
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: it or not. I can't handle that. You suck.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: It's literally you could save a cat from a burning
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: house and they'd be like, who's always an attention seeker,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: that guy?
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: Beryl would be like, I've never heard of this beloved comedian.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, the headline reads, for those playing at home, Aussie
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: comedian admits he was drinking as many as 15 beers
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: a day at home alone before quitting booze in February.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: That's the wrong date. I got that wrong. It's December.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: Can I guess one of the comments? Rookie numbers.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Oh, knocking the door. What the fuck is that? Oh, God.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: Have we paid rent?
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: You were a bit shouty.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: Was I?
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: We've just had a knock on the door and it
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: was a neighbour in the office who complained about us
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: being too loud.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: Well, they did say Vic was a bit loud.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: They said, yeah.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: And I said, she's also really slow getting us to
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: get going, you know. Okay. So, Vic, I think the
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: takeaway from that interaction is that you might need to
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: keep it out of the way.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, first comment says, boring, mate. Do you want more?
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Then the next one's nice. It says, I wish him well.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Getting off a substance is easy. Staying off it can
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: be an issue.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: Pussy.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: And then someone wrote amateur.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, see, amateur.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: You're not far off.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: I don't understand, like, is it amateur the amount I
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: was drinking?
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: Well, someone then wrote back to that and said, it's
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: called tolerance.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: Because that's what we are.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: That's actually the nicest comment section I've seen on Daily Mail.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Well done. Congratulations.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: I'm hard to hate.
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: You've made it.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: Guys, we have been flat out this week. It's been
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: one of the busiest weeks of ever.
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: Our lives.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: In Two Dirty Dads. Yeah.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: It's been a bit long.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: And I don't want to, I'm not saying this to
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: make people enjoy the product more when it comes out.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: It does help.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: But it was so close to being on the chopping block.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about the calendar.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. We tooted and froed for ages. I thought
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: we decided that we weren't going to do it. Then
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: all of a sudden we were doing it and it happened.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: We did it. We did it. We have done it
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: down south in Ulladulla. It's a chore play calendar.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: It's back.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: It's back. It is back.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: In a big way.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: And I know I'm biased, but it is the sexiest.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: Homoerotic.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Thanks to Vic, she really put us in positions that
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: we wouldn't normally see ourselves in.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: I'm very limber now.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: She made me fuck Ash.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: One stage she was like, make this one a wet one.
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: I think I said, I want to see you guys
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: get all wet.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah. She's like, stop fucking around. I want to see
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: you guys get fucking wet.
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: They were in the shower, guys.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: They were in the shower. So since then.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: It's awkward now.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Coming into the office, we're like, hey, hey. How are you?
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Last night was fun. It's. So, yes, keep an eye
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: out for any updates on the calendar because it's shot.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: That's as far as we know.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: It's done. I did post about it. A little teaser
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: is in the Facebook group. So if you want to
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: see just how raunchy it got, it's in there.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: Also, we have new hats. We launched them last week.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Oh, they're just selling well. They are selling very well.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: You look great in yours. I would say they're selling
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: too well.
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: Get them before they run out.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: I love what you're trying to do. Honestly, I don't
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: know if there's any left, so maybe we shouldn't.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: I think we have a couple left.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: There's just a couple.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: I've been giving them out as well.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: They're actually cheap compared to hats these days.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: 35? 35.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Plus these two. Vic tried to bump them up to
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: 60 bucks.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: I know. She's thirsty.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: She was like, charge them more.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: The fuckers.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: The fuckers.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: Take your shirt off. So there are a couple left.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: There are a couple left. Go and have a look. 2datingdads. com.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: Quick one. Toys R Us is coming back. No, it's not.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: 120 store locations. No, it's not. It could be fake news.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: Iconic.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: But I just want to let you guys know.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Where did you see that?
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: A very credible source.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: Why did it disappear?
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: Probably department stores.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: No, because they're also struggling.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but a store specific to one type of thing
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: can't last forever.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Can I just give them a heads up? They're fucked.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Unless it's an online store.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Amazon's already beat you to it.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like the overheads on a shop must be unbelievable.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: We had a birthday party on the weekend, last minute,
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: didn't have a present, got a dancing mat, $ 40, delivered it.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: in three hours.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: Like it lights up?
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I broke ours.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: It's probably got a, not that you're a heavy man,
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: it's probably got a weight limit for a child.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: See, that's the thing. And I used to, I would
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: go one-footed and do it. And then Marley was like,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: you're cheating. You've got to do two feet. Two feet.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: She's like, she's onto me.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: And then I jumped and did a two-foot dance move. Snapped.
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Snapped. Snapped the plate.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: That's.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: Order another one. Three hours.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: There it is. There it is. Yeah, I don't know
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: how they're going to.
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: Did you say 120 new stores?
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I could have lied.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: That's a lot. That's a lot.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: Is that right?
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: I think it's in America.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: And that's why Vic does breaking news and not you.
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Well, while we're on the topic, what have you got
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: for us?
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: Oh, are we going to break the news right now?
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, why not?
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: We'll come back to that. Yeah, we'll mix it up.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: I'm sure.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Emma right now is very confused.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Emma's like, what the fuck?
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Hang on a second.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: This is breaking news. Then we're going to go back
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: to housekeeping. Back into housekeeping. How does that sound?
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: Keep your voice down.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: No, fuck that guy too.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, it's, oh God.
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: What?
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: Although it wasn't from the psychologist who's also next door.
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: No, it was from the business analyst people anyway.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: What do they need silence for? I guarantee he's got
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: headphones on.
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: Okay. Maybe they're having a meeting.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: You should have said, well, I heard you fart in
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: the hallway.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: We did. We did hear them fart.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: That would have shut him right up. Were you guys
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: acting in there?
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Well, kind of.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: This is not an act.
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: Acting a little bit hurt right now.
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: So there's a lot of sad news in the world
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: at the moment, so I thought I'd give you some
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: happy news and there's also a bit of a hack
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: in here as well, if you will.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: A happy hack.
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: A happy hack, yeah.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: Happy news hack.
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: I feel like Matt will love this. But anyway, we'll
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: see how we go.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: I'll be the judge of that.
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: After 35 years of marriage. Sorry.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: What?
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: You're making me laugh.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: I just checked the time. Insinuating that she's.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: Shut up and take your shirt off.
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: Okay. Not what I said.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: Vic, no. She's not coming to any more topless photo shoots.
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: I felt like a piece of meat.
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: I am sorry.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: I kind of enjoyed it.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: When you went to the bathroom before and it was
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: just Vic and I in the room, I was very anxious.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we have each other's back.
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: Don't joke about that.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: Take your shower. Get him wetter. Kiss.
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: After 35 years of marriage, one husband has shared a
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: simple approach he believes has helped his relationship stay strong.
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: His approach is known as the 2-2-2 rule. Couples should
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: aim to have a date night every two weeks, take
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: a weekend away every two months and spend a full
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: week together every two years. The idea is less about
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: how much money is spent or where you go and
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: more about deliberately stepping away from the day-to-day routine so
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: that your relationship doesn't become another item on the household
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: to-do list.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: Sorry, but can you repeat the two, two, two? What's
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: the two?
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: Couples should aim to have a date night every two weeks.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: Date night every two weeks. Okay, that's a lot. That's
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: a lot.
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: One date night every fortnight.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: Are we talking like a full sitter date night the
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: whole bit?
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: No.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Something more simple. Like a walk.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: A walk.
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: It says a date night could be as simple as
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: dinner at home or a night out, while the weekend
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: away could mean a nearby road trip rather than an
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: expensive holiday.
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: The idea is to make space for a longer break together.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: So a weekend away every two years. Is that what
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: he said?
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: No, a week away every two years.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: A week away?
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: A full week.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: A week away.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: I've just done one every year for the last two years.
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: April and I just went away for a week.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: I've noticed.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, son. There you go. You're never home. Oscar talks.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: The rest of us have been like.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: Us three kids at home.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: Fucking shut up. I can't.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: This is who I am.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. This is the loudest you've ever been.
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: Really?
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: I think I'm just doing out of spite now.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: My God. We stopped yelling at us, Ash.
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: I'm so scared.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: Vic's petrified over here.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: Let's just get this episode out of the way then.
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: They hate getting in trouble.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: If it knocks the door again, I'm going.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: Ash has me pinned against the wall right now.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: Take your shirt off.
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: I think it's really good. I actually want to infiltrate.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Infiltrate? I bet you do.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: Get sex off the mind.
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: I want to introduce this into our relationship.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: Who is this guy? Who is he? The 222.
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: He's been married for 35 years.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Loser.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Just the one marriage? Loser.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: Damn it, why can't we come up with a rule?
• 14:30
  Speaker 4: It is so true though.
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: Like I think, fuck, I really would love to have
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: more date nights with Dan, but trying to fit it
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: into life is hard.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: Just get him over to fix something at your place.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: That's what I'd do if I want to hang.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: Out with Dan. I can't even do the six-second kiss rule.
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah, how does that go?
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: That's because the barrier to entry is so high.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: No, because every time she's leaving, it's always when I'm
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: eating breakfast. I had Nutri-Grain. You know how bad Nutri-Grain
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: smells in a fermented mouth?
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: I don't understand why you're trying to do this in
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: the morning. That's an evening thing.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: Why don't you brush your teeth when you wake up?
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: Well, no, because everyone knows you eat your breakfast first
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: and then brush your teeth.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: I do it on both ends. That sounded, yeah, I
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: brush my arsehole and I brush my teeth right after breakfast. No,
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: I go, sorry, I'm trying to be quiet to the
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: fucking neighbours. We're moving.
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: This is why it was so cheap.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: Because of the fucking business analysts down the road.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: Put your headphones in and shut up. What was I saying?
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: You're an asshole.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: My teeth, my teeth. I brush my teeth when I
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: first get up out of bed because I feel like
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: I don't like the taste.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: As like a prelim brush or?
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: Like a brush. Then I'll go about my morning and
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: have breakfast, have a coffee, whatever, and then I'll go
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: back for round two.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: What the fuck?
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: Are you talking about sex or what?
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: Both. Nah, teeth.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: So you do a double brush. So you brush your
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: teeth three times in a day.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: I would do it more if I could. April does
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: it after every meal.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Show me your gums. They look red raw. They need
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: a fucking break.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: Show me your gums.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: Show me your gums.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: Show me your gums.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: Well, that is a lovely article, Vic.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: Well done. Where was the hack? Vic can't get through
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: this episode. I can see it.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: What?
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: The business analysts are like, that's quite a good rule.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's drunk. Honestly, they get a free episode.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: People pay good money to listen to us.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: It is free.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Fucking idiots.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: He's getting no ads. This guy is getting no ads.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: He's getting IRL version.
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: I am crying.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: So where was the hack?
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: The hack's the 222. That's not a hack. That's too
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: many rules for me.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, no.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: I had that.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you read that.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: I've been workshopping that.
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: 2-2-2.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: I thought it was going to be a ballet joke.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: Well, look, speaking of ballet, fucking Segway. Is that Segway
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: of the year?
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: Your toe one was better. Well, your tooth.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: Top five. Top five Segways of the year.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: Tooth was good.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I just got a message about Lola.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: Go on.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: My little Lola.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Remind me who Lola is again.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Lola is my middle child. Who I love.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: You've got the name right too.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: We're getting along really well at the moment.
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: We're hitting it off. Yep. Because I always wait until
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: Laura gets cranky, then I come in and I'm like,
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: I love you.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: Smart.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Very toxic.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: I think you've got to get the leg up over
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: mum wherever you can because she's always going to be
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: the favourite.
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: Always.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: Always. I'm like to Macy, I'm like, come give me
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: a cuddle. She's like, no, I'm giving mummy a cuddle.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I've got a special treat. And she comes
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: in and does it.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Can I just say, the reason why kids prefer mums
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: is because you don't have stubble.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Some do.
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: We've also got breasts.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you do.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Your cuddles are always going to be better than ours.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Who the fuck wants to cuddle like this scrapey beard,
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: you know?
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Like if I had tits and no facial hair, fuck.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: I'd be getting cuddles everywhere.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: I'm swearing too much this episode. I apologize.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: No, I like it. Thank you. Sweat more.
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: Tell me about Lola's ballet.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: So I have just committed every parent's worst nightmare. Lola
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: has been doing an after-school care dance class. Very, very basic. Very,
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: very basic. Wasn't that into it, but we signed her up.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: She loves it. Absolutely loves it. Loves it. And then
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: do you know what happened?
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: What?
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: So I pick her up last week. I walk through
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: the gate and normally they'll be playing in the courtyard
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: and they'll see me in that run over. They're like, Hey,
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: we're going yay. And she runs towards me. And then
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: as she's like five steps into running, she just starts
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: bawling her eyes out. And I'm like, what's wrong, Baba?
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: What's wrong?
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say she fell over. No,
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: that happens a lot of the time. And now that
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: we're not wearing stockings, it's out of winter, I can
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: scrape knees. But she's just bawling her eyes out. And
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what happened? She goes, it was my end
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: of term dance. And you weren't there. The parents were there.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: And I was like, what?
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: And I didn't sign her up. Laura did. And so
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: I was like, I missed the message. I was like, what?
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: And she's like, you weren't there. I was waiting and
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: all the parents were there and you didn't turn up.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, my God, this is like
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: the worst fear, right, with your kids there.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: When you go to like a parent thing and you
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: see the poor kid, because you never know, people's circumstances
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: might not allow them to come because of work or whatever.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: I'm not judging. But if you can tell them. You
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: see that kid and you're like, oh.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: I know, I know. But if you like the worst
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: is the parents who aren't coming, I'm sure would always
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: say like, hey, just so you know, mummy and daddy
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: cannot be there today.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: Do you want to eat tonight? Was that not too loud?
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: That was really good. Well, good job. Round of applause
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: for Ash.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: It's actually more tiring being this quiet.
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: It actually reminded me. I say that to Louis all
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: the time. I'm like, I need to make money.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: I do that too. I'm just like, I've got to
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: go to work. And they're like, I'll just. like, don't
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: be silly, you don't have a job. I was like,
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: I've got to get money to buy the things.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, like, bye-bye. So Lola's hysterical, right, very upset.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: I go into the after-school care educator's room and I
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: was like, hey, guys, I didn't realise there was a
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: dance performance today. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we emailed.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: And I was like. I can call Laura. And I'm like, babe,
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: Lola had a dance performance. You didn't tell me. And
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: I was like, you've really got to put me on
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: those emails. So, like, it's ridiculous. And Laura was like,
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: don't blame me. And I was like, well, you're the
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: one who signed her up. And I was like, hang
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: on a sec. And I was like, who did you
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: send that email to?
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: Oh, no.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: And he goes, sent it to you.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: Points at me.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: Oh, Matt.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: And I was like, fuck.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: You've got to check that before you ring up. Like,
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: go in with your guns. I know. Like a sheriff,
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: like twirling your guns around.
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: I was like.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: Laura, you've really got to check your emails, you know.
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: So now you're in the bad books with both.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: So what's going to happen here is in like six
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: to 12 months' time, okay, something's going to happen. She's
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: going to bring that up. That's what usually happens.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: She already brought it up.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: So, okay.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: So I made it up to Lola. Made it up
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: to Lola and I said, do you know what? I'm
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: going to sign you up for proper dance classes now.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: She happy with that?
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: And she was pumped. She was pumped because I said
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: the teacher– has said that you're so good that they
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: want you to do proper dance classes. Like Marley. Like Marley, yes.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Today's the day.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: How are her rhythms?
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: Really good. She loves it.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: She loves it. You're quite rhythmic.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: She comes from good stock. Good rhythmic stock.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: That is the nicest thing you've ever said about me. No,
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: it's not.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: Both dancers with the stars.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: Yep.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: Guilty. What? Did you win? Did Laura win?
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: We both came third last.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: But it wasn't last.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: But it was not last.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: No.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: You're right. Thank you. Thank you. So I'm dropping Lola off.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: Her bag is packed because they pick them up from
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: school to take them to dance class, which is like
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: next door. And Lola was like, my tummy hurts. And
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: I was like, what do you mean? She's like, I
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: feel really nervous. And I was like, no, it's okay, honey.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: You're going to do so good. Like you're going to
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: be great. And there's a couple of girls who dance
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: in her class and they've been dancing all year together.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: It's the first time she's joining us pretty late in
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: the year. It's September.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: It's pretty much October. You got to start sometime.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: Well said. Well said. And then I got a message
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: from school and she said, I don't feel well. I
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: want to be picked up and go home. And she's
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: at home and Nana's like, she's totally fine.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's nerves.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: If she was too nervous, she wouldn't go.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: I got to talk Oscar into jiu-jitsu. Everyone already loves
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: it so much just because of the nerves. Yeah.
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: But at that age, they might be confused about the
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: feelings that are nervous and the feelings that are sick
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: because they are very similar feelings.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a weird bloody.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: I still get that, yeah. And I'm like, oh, I'm
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: not feeling well. And it's like once I've done the
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: thing in the day that I subconsciously was nervous about,
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I actually feel pretty good.
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: And I don't. She's not going to go. So she's
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: at home now.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: She's at home.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: Put her on the dance mat when you get home.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: It's broken.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: Get a new one.
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: Quick.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: Amazon. Toys R Us.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Pull the thing. And I was like. I don't know
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: what to do. I'll try again because now I've got
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: a break for school holidays.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Try again next time.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Try again next time.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: It's a fine line between like, because I know Oscar
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: would be like.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: How do you convince him for.
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: Jiu-jitsu? Yeah. I try and get him to think about
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: how it feels after and then. Sometimes that doesn't work.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: The bike thing really worked where I was like, what
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: about we ride there? How cool is it going to
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: be when you turn up on your bike and everyone's there?
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: I couldn't because they pick them up from school.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a tricky one.
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: Have you had to pay all the fees?
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: No.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: Luckily she was like, I'll give you a trial one.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: I'll give you a little trial.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: Everyone smokes in our stories. Yeah. Like no one smokes anymore.
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: I reckon put her in next year.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: Next year.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: I reckon don't make a big deal of it and
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: then just get her back. Just like when their school
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: goes back, like it's just a wreck.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: I'm just like. Or you just do whatever you want
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: to do about it. I should have fucking signed her up.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: So many times I've had to talk Oscar back into it.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: And still it's been like two years of jiu-jitsu and
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: I'm still doing it. Because I'm like, you would hate it.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: If you got to school tomorrow and Harry went and
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: Harry had a great time and you weren't there and
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: you would have been like, oh.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: Fucking Harry.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: So you've just got to try. I don't know. I
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: think it's a fine line between you being encouraging and
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: then forcing. You know what I mean? Because I don't
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: want to be like, duck!
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: I think it's also a good teaching moment to like
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: have a chat with her about the difference between like,
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: butterflies in your tummy and being nervous about something and
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: being actually physically sick.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: She's probably got influenza A and I'm like, she's just nervous.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: She's like. Are we out of housekeeping? We have a
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: new addition to the Wix household that I'm quite excited about,
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: which I'm quite excited to share with you.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: It better be something sexy.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. This is sexy.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: Like a sex swing.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: April, cover your ears.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: Is it like a sim racing thing? Is it in
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: the kitchen? Is it a new benchtop?
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: It's in the bedroom.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: New bedroom.
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: Is it something for April?
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: New curtains.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: No. I have invested in an intimacy pillow.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: What is an intimacy pillow?
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: I'm going to show you. I'm glad you asked. He's
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: got pictures. I have the manual that comes with it.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: It's called the Jazz Sex Pillow.
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: What? It's in between her legs.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's just leaning over. Open that up
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: and have a look.
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: Where did you find this?
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: TikTok.
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I thought Vic was going to
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: look at this. Yeah, Vic's like, give me a peek. Vic,
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: just settle down.
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is a very emoji episode.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: I'll give you a look.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: Okay, so April and I are in a room.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: This is like porn.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: We're in a very good place, as you can tell.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: Arrogant of you to say that.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm very happy with the place where we're at,
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: the communication. Everything is amazing.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you guys are horny little teenagers, you are.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: And anyway, so I was like, what about we invest
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: in a little intimacy pillow? So it's a wedge-shaped pillow
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: and it can be used to make it more comfortable
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: in particular positions, hence the positions that are actually on
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: the brochure which I have there.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: Can I ask you two questions?
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: First question is how much does this cost?
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: None of your business. It was like $ 200.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: But it's just like a normal pillow. It's quite firm. Okay.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: So it's to be able to.
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: Does it vibrate?
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: No, not this one.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: Let's check it.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: What was your second question?
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: Where does the sex pillow normally live?
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: Under the bed. Oh. Yeah, I've got like a, it's
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: a bed frame, not like an ensemble.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: Have you used?
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: I did. Oh.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: Today.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: But we've been here since 10 o'clock.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Sorry, babe.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: That's why you were late this morning.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: I was 10 minutes late and that was being generous.
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: Can you explain for the people who can't see the
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: pictures what the pictures are of?
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: Okay, so this is the brochure for the jazz sex
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: pillow and there's a lady in red lingerie, looks superb
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: if I may say so myself, laying tummy on top
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: of the sex pillow, bottom firmly in the air.
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: And there's a few sex positions. There's one person laying
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: on their back.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: What would you call each one of those sex positions?
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: What do you mean? Just at first glance.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: There's the, like, is that one? Like, it really, gosh.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: It's really graphic.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: He's munching on a vagina. Vic, if I give this
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: to you.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: We want it back, Vic. Give it here.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: Give mummy a look at him. Give mummy a look.
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: Oh, okay.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: What do you think?
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: Munching on the vagina.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's really getting in there.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: He's nose deep in that. The gin.
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: So it's also for the man.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: So which position did you do this morning?
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: None of your business.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Trust Victoire, someone.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: True, I don't need a visual of that.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Hang on, I do want to know what position though.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: What was it?
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: No, I'm not. No, no, no.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: Just tell me. Just give me a clue.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: It wasn't but in the air. Let's put it that way.
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: It's hard to tell which is the woman and which
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: is the man in some of these.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: I think that's the point. It's like an air of
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: mystery around each photo. Would you recommend the pillow?
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: I've used it once and, yes, I would. I would
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: highly recommend it.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: It improved the experience.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: It definitely does, yeah. It also provides much-needed support for
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: us mid-30-year-olds who get bad backs. We've got bad backs.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: But the solution to that is it provides a much
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: higher surface as opposed to just the level bed.
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it puts it on an angle.
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, some great positions.
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: Well, I can think of only benefits from that.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I thought you'd be really into that.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: No, I think it's great. I'm proud of you.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: I want to know, though, like at what point does
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: the pillow come out? Does it come out like as
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: you're about to need it?
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: It's out before I am. I don't know. Like I said,
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: it was only used once so far, and it was
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: sort of like we should try the pillow.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: And does April like the pillow? So everyone's enjoying the pillow.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: Everyone's enjoying the pillow.
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: The $ 200 pillow.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: You fucking hope so they're enjoying it.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: Worth it.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: With that price tag.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: Because I thought worst case scenario is it could just
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: be a nice little back wedge.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: To read on.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: To read on.
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: I'm intrigued that that was $ 200. Yeah, they really.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: Got me bent over a.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: Sex pillow.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: But, okay, so a couple of months ago I said
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: to April, I was like, hey, because I'd seen it,
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: my algorithm knows what my brain's thinking, and I was like...
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: What are your thoughts on that? She's like, actually, yeah.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: And then we just made it happen.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: Do you think young kids are doing sex pillows? Like
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: is this an old person thing?
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: It's an old person thing for sure.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: It's like, you know, when you get to a certain
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: age and you have to have like a badass, a rail.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: You have to put a rail in your house. Yeah.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: Like to get up off the toilet, you have to
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: have like a handrail to hoist you up.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: The stair lift.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: It's like, yeah.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: It's the start.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: That's when you know you're on the path of becoming
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: a geriatric when you're like sex pillow, also put handrails
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: on the walls to like get off of.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: We have to get the occupational therapist in.
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: It's just like, you don't have any ramps at your entrances.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh God, sorry. We do need ramps. And
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: also one of those electric things up to the bedroom.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: It's like, come here, Mel. Come here, Mel, and lie
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: on this sex pillow.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: Good on the two of you.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: I'm going to dip back into housekeeping for a sec.
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: Hey-o.
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: Whoa, we're going back. Take that, Emma.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: What I'm proposing, okay, is something that I think will
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: benefit not just kids but families all across the country.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: Everyone gets a sex pillow.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: Everyone has a sex pillow, and we all have sex
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: on a Tuesday.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: Morning.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: Hey. So we are in a cycle now of never-ending nits. Oh, yeah.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: And the issue is, Ash, issue is.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: Both kids?
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: Both kids. Both kids. Issue is our kids are doing
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: the knit treatment. None of the other kids are doing
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: their knit treatments. So then we're just sending them back
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: in to get reinvested with the knits.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: To be ambushed by the knit people.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: Right? So it's absolutely pointless now because- unless everyone gets
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: on the same page we all treat together we're never
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: going to beat the knits the knits are winning right
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: now as a school you say treat together as a
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: school or a class let's just we'll start small so
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: laura was like i cannot do another knit treatment she's
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: like i'm i'm done i'm out i've had.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: Enough fair it's not it's not fun.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: We're doing it like every two weeks and so i
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: was like how do we do this and she's like
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: i'm going to message the school WhatsApp chat and say,
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: everyone together collectively, let's stand united. Let's all get together
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: on the one day and all do treatments together.
• 31:22
  Speaker 4: I think that's genius.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: I think it's a good idea but there's going to
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: be pushback.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: No, there was no pushback.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: Wow. Well, then we're all thinking it. Then why are
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: we just not doing it?
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: I think we're too scared to put it out there.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: To be judged.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: To be judged. And everyone was like, here, here, yes, Laura. Like, Laura, Laura.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: And you're like, damn it.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, oh. Because one of the kids
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: at school, he was itching his head and the teacher
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: was like, you there, Timmy, get to the side and
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: separated him.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: Segregated him. Yeah.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: Shave your head later, Timmy.
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: And so then Marley was going. I'm too scared to
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: scratch my head because then I'll get put aside. I'll
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: be outcast like someone with a black plague.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be out there with Timmy.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: He stinks. And so everyone together now.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Everyone, come on. Together now. Together.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: We've all done it at once.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: And?
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: Well, it's just happened.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: Okay, so the day in question has happened.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: So the Sunday night when we were staying down at
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: Ulladulla for the photo shoot, I missed the knit treatment.
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: That's a win.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: Oh, it was so good. I called Laura. I was like,
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: how's it going, babe? She was like, fucking knit, you fucking,
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: you fucking, I'm coming in, fucking, I'm coming in. They're like, mummy, no.
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: My hair feels itchy now.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: Me too, me too. I just remember as a kid,
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: because boys it's much easier. It's really tough with girls
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: because you can't just shave a girl's head. Like some
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: people do. Think of Lily.
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: She's got ringlets.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: Is that good or bad for knits?
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: But if she gets knits, I don't know what.
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: I would do.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: Oh, because you can't comb that stuff.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. The knits get dizzy.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: Like a roller coaster.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: And when they catch up, when the knits all catch up,
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: you go, where are you on one of those curly
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: people's heads? You're like, I've got a straight hair.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: I've got a straight hair.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: I'm living my life over here. Leah, I remember I
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: would just get my head shaved, but it's always been
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: a nightmare for girls because obviously the hair can be out.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: I'm waiting for Maisie to go to school next year.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: Sure, she'll get got.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she'll get got.
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: You know what you should tell Laura?
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: There's actually businesses that will come to your house and
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: help you get the nits out of your kid's hair
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: and your hair if it's in there too.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: Who?
• 33:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah, they're called like the knit lady or something.
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: The knit lady? Why would you subject yourself to that?
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: It's like Etsy, like it's probably $ 100 a head. Fuck,
• 33:30
  Speaker 4: that's a lot of money. But they will get all
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: the knits and the eggs out of your hair.
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: Like if I got knits in my hair, there's no
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: way Dan would help me get them out.
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: I'd have to figure that shit out by myself.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: And your hair?
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Come on, Dan.
• 33:44
  Speaker 4: He has like a little look. He's like, no.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, good.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: He's like, I got the drill. I can help you?
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: I'm not looking for it.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: What kills me is having to fucking wash all the shit.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: I can't stop swearing, guys.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: Don't worry about it.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: I can't stop.
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: That man in there has really done a number on you.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: Fuck that guy.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: Fuck you. Him, not you.
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: I was going to say.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: I was going to say.
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: You're turning on me. Here we go.
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: The knit nurse. Sydney wide.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: Here we go. Knit nurse.
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: Professional head lice treatments.
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: Do you want her in your house?
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: She must hate kids. She's like, yeah, a little shit's coming.
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: She's like a bunch of trunchbull.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: Ripping their hair out.
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Honestly, it's a niche business idea, which congratulations for
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: thinking outside the box.
• 34:20
  Speaker 4: The knit fairy, no knits, the nice, the lice lady. Yeah,
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: there's heaps.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: The lice lady.
• 34:25
  Speaker 4: The lice lady.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: What will we call ours?
• 34:28
  Speaker 4: Knitwits.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: There she is. That's where we pay you the big bucks.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: Hey, I just have one more thing to talk to
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: you about.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: Please. I can't stop thinking about you and April having sex.
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: And April, I mean that in the most respectable way possible.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: Don't you dare picture my wife like that.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: I'm trying not to.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: I said your photo lady went after you. No, I'm
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: just kidding. Sorry, babe.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: We're joking. That was a joke.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: Look, I'm not calling me a hero, but some people
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: are on the beaches. You know how much we talk
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: about car parks and parental parking. Quite a lot.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: And almost as much as semen and shit.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: It goes semen, shit.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: Car parks.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And then nits.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: And then nits.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: Nits are getting up there.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: Sex pillows soon to be included.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: Vulgarity. Take it off. Oh, my God.
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 35:17
  Speaker 4: I was trying to do it for the doters, okay?
• 35:18
  Speaker 4: I was trying to get the best out of you.
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: That's the easiest excuse in the book.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: Do you regret coming on that photo shoot?
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: No, I loved it. I bet you did. It was fun.
• 35:28
  Speaker 4: It was exhausting, but it was really fun.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: And I like to think that I put my mother's
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: wife's female intuition into the calendar in terms of some
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: of the poses.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: Okay, all right.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: Ash is bent up like a pretzel.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: I was just like, yeah, got my legs over my head.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: I'm like, what's this one for? You're like, shut up.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: Someone pour some more water on him.
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: Well, you guys think you know what chore play is,
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: but I was like, here's what I would actually love
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: to see.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: More water. Make him shit himself.
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: Touch him.
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: So people are calling me a hero.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: Sorry.
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: No one has. I'm calling myself a hero. But I
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: went to the shops solo. I went, I took April's car.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: Must be nice.
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: Parked the car not near the pram parking because they
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: were full and I didn't have a pram and I'd
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: do the right thing. And so I parked a few
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: rows back, pull up, get out of the car, go
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: to shops. There's a car in front of me parked
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: in front. So it's one of those ones where it's
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: like front to back. I went to the back of
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: this car, went to the shops, came back, same car
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: was there, but I noticed the car was closer to mine.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: It had rolled closer to mine and I thought, what's
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: happened here? So I'm going to show you just what
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: I came to and then I'm going to give you
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: a bit more of an explanation.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: This is what you walk back to see.
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: Visually, this is what you're confronted with.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: Visually, this is what I was confronted with. All right.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: I'll get you to press play. You don't need sound.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: Get you to play and just tell the doters what
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: it is you're looking at. Okay.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: This is underground car park.
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: It's above ground.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: I apologize. Oh, my days.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: This big bopper BMW has got its butt well over
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: the white line of the car space perimeter and it
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: has a little tow bar.
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: Tow bar is in your car? These cars are fucking.
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: It's a human centipede of vehicles.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: The car is Empty Dash's car. The car's on a
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: sex pillow.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You can't tell where my car starts and their
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: car ends.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: What did you do?
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: So that's the car that was there when I parked,
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: but it wasn't that close. Anyway, so I went in
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: to investigate. I went to investigate. I could see through
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: the window. No one was in the car, but I
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: could see that the dash lights were still on. And
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: I was like, that's weird. And then I was like
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: a little bit closer. I noticed there was a newborn
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: baby seat in this car. So this is what I
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: think is what has happened.
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: Bear with me. I have no evidence of this. It's
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: just pure hearsay.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: This is like case file now.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: This is case file. However.
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: You got me on the edge of my seat.
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: I can't find a killer for this one. So I
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: went to investigate, saw the dash lights were on.
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: Baby seat?
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: Saw there was a baby seat facing backwards. So it's fresh.
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: Okay. And I was like, oh, what I think has
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: happened here is they were no pram spots. They've gone
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: to a regular park. No problems with that. But they've
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: pressed the car off, been distracted by having a newborn baby,
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: maybe a bit overwhelmed.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, tired, I'm sure.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: Tired. Then they've pressed the button one too many times
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: and not actually put the handbrake on their vehicle. And
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: it's rolled and stopped into mine because I have another
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: video of me moving the car, moving my car, and
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: you can see that it rolls back a tiny bit
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: and gets stuck. At first I thought, what's this fucker doing?
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: That's my first thought. What the fuck is this fucker doing?
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: Then I've realised that this could be a brand new
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: parent who's got lack of sleep, lack of oxygen, everything.
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: They've gotten out. They've got to go to the shops.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: We need shopping. So I open the car door, put
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: the handbrake on, shut the door.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: And someone's like, you're still in my car. I did
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: look around.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: I did look suspicious.
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: The next thing, Ash is arrested.
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, their car was still in my car. So technically-
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: Your car has entered my vehicle.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: Which technically means it's now my car.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: So now I own both cars. Anyway, so I was like, oh, fuck.
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: And then I was like, oh.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: So you've opened the door and put the handbrake on.
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: And I was like looking for a pad to leave
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: a note, to be not an aggressive note. Because I
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: thought at this point, what would I, as a new parent,
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: the last thing I need is someone being like, do
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: you know how to fucking drive? It's like, bro, I'm
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: just trying to stay awake.
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to keep this child alive, but then I
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: look back behind my car. So there's another row of cars.
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: And when I have rolled back and saw the car
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: starting to roll, I stopped so that it stopped. If
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: my car wasn't there, It would have gained momentum and
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: rolled back into a quarter of a million dollar Mercedes
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: AMG bonnet right behind me and it would have been
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: like 20 metres. And think about that.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: Also, it's not uncommon for young kids to be walking
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: through the car park. It could have taken out a child.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: You are.
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: An everyday hero.
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: The Batman of Worrywood.
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm looking for. I don't do it for
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: the awards or the praise, but I do like it.
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: If you're in the Northern Beaches and you're worried about crime,
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: don't be because Ash is there. Ash wicks.
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: Would you call this a crime?
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: Almost.
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: If you need a hand.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: Misdemeanor.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: There is no such thing as a dangerous car park
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: in the Northern Beaches because you're keeping them safe.
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: I wonder if they listened. They listened to the pod
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: because they've got a kid.
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: I would, please.
• 40:35
  Speaker 4: Would they even know though? They'd be so sleep deprived.
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I thought. And I thought I could
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: do the thing and be like, hey, you need to
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: make sure you fucking sort your life out.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: April's like, where the fuck is Ash? He's been gone
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: for four hours. He's gone to get newspaper and some milk.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: I was just pondering what to do. I looked for
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: a pen there because I wanted to just let them
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: know that I'm a good guy.
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: You're a good guy.
• 40:55
  Speaker 4: And so did you?
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: I couldn't find a pen or anything. I just took off.
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: But they would have got back to the car and
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: seen that it had rolled quite far back. My car was.
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: I would hate for them to come back and see
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: that before I got there because there's no damage to
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: my car, as I showed you, and it was.
• 41:08
  Speaker 4: They're probably going to get back so confused.
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: They probably think someone's tried to break into the car.
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but their dash was still on and everything. They'd
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: be like, oh, I think I might have. Because you
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: know how push-button cars these days, you press it, you're like,
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: is the car off?
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, who knows?
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I get out of the car and April's like,
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: do you want to put it in the park? And
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh.
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: I know, I always forget, especially when I'm sleep deprived.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:32
  Speaker 4: Back when we had the like the handbrake. Give us
• 41:36
  Speaker 4: some more of those. That would never have happened.
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: Because you can see it's when it's on and when
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: it's not.
• 41:43
  Speaker 4: And you can feel it.
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: You can feel it. You can feel it. It's got girthy.
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: It's quite girthy, that handbrake.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: It's the downside of the future.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: We don't know when the handbrake's on or off or
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: when the car is on or off.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: I said to my mechanic, I'm like, can you turn
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: all the beeps off? He's like, do you know how
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: many people ask us to turn all the beeps off?
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: Because I was telling Vic about the lane indicator.
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: I think that's why Vic got sick in my car
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: because it was like.
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: The lane indicator is actually so dangerous. So like if
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: I'm like, all right, I'm going to move over a
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: little bit. I'm overtaking a truck on a freeway at
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: 100 k's an hour. I'm going to move over a
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: little bit because it's not very pleasant for the passenger
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: to have to go up against the truck. And then
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: I edge, edge. over the outside line, it literally corrects
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: the car towards the truck. I think it's so dangerous.
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: So be careful out there, guys. And you're welcome.
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: Be careful in the car parks. Be careful on the road.
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: Be careful everywhere there's a car.
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: I'm always watching. I'm always looking out over you.
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: Like Batman. And we're out of housekeeping now.
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: And that's the end of the episode.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: Literally.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: What have you got? Have you got anything else?
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I think would mean that we
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: don't have dangerous car parks with non-tired parents?
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: Go for it.
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: If both parents were taking paid parental leave at the
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: same time.
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: And enough of it.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: And I think that would save us from these near-death
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: experiences in shopping centres.
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: Good news, Matt. There's a petition that our listeners can
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: sign with the Parenthood in Movember about more help at
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: home in the early days of parenthood.
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: Giving parents more time in one of the most important
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: moments of their life, the first 12 months.
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think leading into having your first kid,
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: there is a lot of talk with yourself, your employer,
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: and all this sort of stuff about logistically taking time off.
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: Wouldn't it be nice to just take the time off
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: without all the rigmarole?
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, rigmarole.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: Of the corporate ladder. You can't climb the ladder with
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: your hands in your pockets, Matt.
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: There is.
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: Can you put that on a T-shirt? That'd be great.
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: I think when we're next in Canberra at Parliament House,
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: you should be like, I almost died in a car park.
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: Ha!
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: It's saving lives.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're trying to save lives here.
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: I'll be like, ladies and gentlemen of the House, the Senate, whatever. Oh, fuck,
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: I don't know anything about politics.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: Look at this video here. My car was fucked by
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: another car.
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: Let me tell you a time. Have you guys ever
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: seen The Human Centipede?
• 44:01
  Speaker 4: Car centipede.
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: Well, I pretty much lived that movie.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: It's hard for me to talk about.
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: You need to pass this legislation.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: It's hard for me to talk about. Otherwise the cars
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: will all be fucking each other in every car park.
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: I can't.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: Before we know it, the cars are after us.
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: I can't control. I can't watch every car being fucked
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: by other cars. Okay.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: I wish I could.
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: I wish I could because honestly, I'd be into that.
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: If you've got a video of your car fucking another car.
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: Send it to us. If it's a pile.
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: Up.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: Vic's like, make sure they're wet.
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: If it's a pileup on a rainy day.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: If it's a pileup on a rainy day. Lots of suds.
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: I want suds on there. If it's a pileup at
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: a car wash, that's what I want to see.
• 44:54
  Speaker 4: If you've enjoyed this episode.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: If you've enjoyed this episode.
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: That's impossible.
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: Business analysts are like, what the fuck are they talking about?
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: You're like, that's a podcast?
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: What are they doing? That can't be real.
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: They're just sad with their little nerf lives in there.
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: If you've enjoyed this episode, please. Someone out there.
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: Do something.
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: Give us a review. One of our strongest episodes to date,
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: I believe.
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: I reckon this is our best we've ever had.
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: We're ending the year on a high note.
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: This is our last episode for the year. I wish. Kidding.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: I love it here.
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: Let's just put this one on repeat because it's that good.
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: But give us a review, subscribe, and follow us on
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: the social medias.
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: Instagram, TikTok. The Facebook group is bustling.
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: And for the love of God, buy the fucking hats.
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: For the love of God, sign the petition, buy the hats.
• 45:39
  Speaker 4: Get the calendar.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: Get the calendar.
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: And do the fucking knit treatment as well.
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: Also, amongst all the car fucking on this episode, we
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: do have a very important episode on. Keep it together, man.
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: We're so close.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: Car fucking aside. Yeah.
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: Let's put the cars fucking aside. The cars and the
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: pillow sex aside. We have a very, very, very good
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: episode with Jai Arrow and his beautiful wife, Berry. So
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: tune in on Monday.
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: It's on the day after the NRL Grand Final.
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: Oh, juicy. We harmonised then.
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: Anyway.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: Yes, you can join us next week on Monday, the
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: public holiday, after the NRL Grand Final, which happens to
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: be the changeover of Daylight Savings, and I wish all
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: the parents luck for that, especially for you parents. But
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: we have an episode with Jai Arrow and his wife, Barry,
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: and little Ayla was in the studio as well. Jai
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: was diagnosed with MND earlier this year, and we talk
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: all things their life. So tune in. Subscribe. It'll be
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: straight in your inbox, even on public holiday.
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: It's a very moving episode, so please join us.
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: For that one.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: We should go.
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: Goodbye.
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: Goodbye.
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community.
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.