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An Unlikely Affair: Bad Eggs & Better Choices · Untraditionally Lala

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hi Amber Hilelah, Welcome to an Unlikely Affair. Hello, my loves,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to an Unlikely Affair. I am with my
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: co host my Heartbeat the First, and I purge on too.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: When I'm having debilitating anxiety, I'm not as honest with
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: anybody as I am with you. I love that, Like
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: I get really vulnerable with you.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: I get really I did this morning.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but what you said this morning was like wonderful
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: and beautiful and I'm just impressed by you. Really, Yeah,
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: why do you act.
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: So shocked because I wish I was impressed by myself.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: You don't ever have moments of being like I do no, no, no.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: I do I do.
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: There's some moments where I'm like, wow, I just really
• 0:53
  Speaker 4: just like crush that audition or I crushed that meeting,
• 0:57
  Speaker 4: or I do a workout that I don't think that
• 1:01
  Speaker 4: I'm going to be able to get through, and like
• 1:02
  Speaker 4: it's like mind over matter. It actually just shows you
• 1:04
  Speaker 4: how like strong, especially when you're working out, your mind
• 1:08
  Speaker 4: can be when you really want something.
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: Here's the thing.
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: I need a challenge, Like if like this is like
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: a test, like how bad do you want this? And
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, bring it on and then I show
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: up like and I over exceed my expectations of myself.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: But you don't ever look at the overall and think
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: not in terms of like, oh, that audition or that
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: meeting or that workout, but the overall grand picture. You
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: don't ever go, wow, I fucking did it. I'm doing it.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: You don't have those moments.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: No, because I'm not where I want to be.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: I can understand that because I feel the same way
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: about my own self. But I think it's important to Yes,
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: it's it's great to have goals and things you want
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: to accomplish, but I also think it's very important to
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: take a moment of just feeling so grateful for what
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: you have overcome, because the things you've overcome most people can't.
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: I wake up every morning and the first thing I
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: say is, I'm so grateful for my sobriety.
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: I'm living a different life.
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: It's I still feel so new, and the times that
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: I've gone through that were the toughest times thus far,
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: I wasn't sober, so I still feel like I have
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: so much more to prove to myself. I know I'm
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: really hard on myself, and I think a lot of
• 2:27
  Speaker 4: people are.
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: But I really.
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: Set the bar so high for myself that it almost
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: feels impossible to achieve. But even if I land just
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: shy of that, I'll be Okay.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: What is that saying, I'm gonna shoot for the moon.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: If I don't hit it, I'm still amongst the stars. Yes, yes, exactly,
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: I'd rather be with the stars than the moon.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: The moon, baby, why so big?
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: Oh it's big, daddy.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: It's a big zetting it just break like a diamond.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: No, the shark, the stars due the stars.
• 3:10
  Speaker 5: The way we have eggs, we have an egg story
• 3:16
  Speaker 5: mind off of shitting and charting, because we had eggs
• 3:19
  Speaker 5: the other day and.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: My stomach has never been the same.
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: I literally I got ready this morning.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: She comes in fully clothed, makeup on, comes in and goes, so,
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna need to fully shower because I'm having projectile diarrhea.
• 3:38
  Speaker 4: I had like two eggs like two days ago, and
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: we've both by the way, we we ate the eggs
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: at breakfast, and then that afternoon I was like, oh shit,
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: the FDA just recalled a bunch of eggs and it's
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: like death.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: Now No, she reads this, I send my eggs and
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: O FW. This says, by the way, don't give ocean eggs. No, no,
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: not for you that you have.
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: To say the entire OFW message.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Because of guys, because you know Jack's Taylor revealed OFW messages.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: I don't realize. I don't think he understands how fucked
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: he is. Who're just talking about it for five seconds?
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: This man is fucked? Yes, okay, I'm like, do you
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: know why people have OFW. It's for you, the person
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: you're sending them to, and it's also for you to
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: be on your best behavior so that when you go
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: in front of a judge, which by the way, you
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: most certainly will, he's so fucked.
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: The core appointed the app.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: It's a core app you get in our Family Wizard
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: or Talking Parents or whatever the fuck else. The other
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: apps are for when you're in high conflict, so that
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: there's no dispute when you enter the courtroom about what
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: was said. You cannot unsent. They even have a little
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: meter that shows you when you've gone too far.
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they're like that is harmful or kind of mean.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: Too many exclamation points.
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: The point is she sent an o FW that was
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: might have been the funniest I told her I actually
• 5:07
  Speaker 4: wanted her to print it out so I could frame
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: it because it was like unhinged, but but not unhinged,
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: because it was like, she's fine, she's five, She's five.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: By the way, don't by the way, by.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: The way, the eggs are bad, don't give them the ocean.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: Next day, Beverly, Glenn Delly all have two eggs over easy.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: We oh with the side of shits for the next week.
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: Fuck, oh my god, I cannot believe we did that.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: I have to say something, and I know that when
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: I watch Jack's become so fucking unhinged and posting o
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: f w's, I have to give credit where credit is due,
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: all right, at least my ex in doing that.
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: Now, on top of the eggs, we had a cute
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: date this weekend, two dates this weekend, and we followed
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: it up with ice cream each date, so.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: We are really on top of our bad eggs.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: We're cream filled ladies.
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: And if we went and worked out, so we're like,
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: we just want to ask, can you just give us
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: an ask? And he's like, sure, my inner size really
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: oh from doing the slides, yeah, those side lunges and
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: then you slowly slide it across like the fake turf. Yeah,
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: it's real turf, it's fake grass.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: As we're eating our ice cream though, because we're sober,
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: I'm sure it's like they don't have children with them.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: It's the weekend. They're either sober or Mormons. What two
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: grown women go and get ice cream at that hour?
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: I do, yeah, because at each other, Like, wouldn't it
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: be nice if this was just like a glass of
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: champagne wine. Oh so good? Oh you just like just
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: put it in a flu We were enjoying the thought
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: a little too much though, to the point where I
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: was like, we got to reel it in, reel it in.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: We cannot pull a brad pit. Yeah.
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: Sometimes I think though, I could go out just for
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: a little Oh wow, that's the ascoholic and you you
• 7:22
  Speaker 4: need a meeting.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: One, here's a meeting. We should go. Now we shouldn't
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: leave here. But by the way, it only takes two
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: people to have a meeting.
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: So here we got no because you know what, drinking
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: wasn't really my thing. It was and it wasn't like
• 7:36
  Speaker 4: in my twenties. I will never forget. I was like,
• 7:39
  Speaker 4: remember when fireball was.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: Like fireball was my jam.
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: This shit, yeah, and we were just chugging it, and
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: then we'd go to I'd go to Vegas and we'd
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: get a vodka Red Bull. Remember when that hit you
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: how fucked up you would get all of a sudden,
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: You're like, whoa, the room to start is spinning. You're like,
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: and where am I Disneyland or Vegas? Because I am
• 8:00
  Speaker 4: like tripping right now.
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: But it wasn't really alcohol, Like, wasn't really my thing.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you guys, that was just to chase her pills
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: with fucking clown.
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: Okay, fine, maybe not today. I will have been to
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: a meeting after this. But speaking of.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: That, did I go too far?
• 8:19
  Speaker 6: No?
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: I mean never. I don't know.
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: Well maybe I do, so.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: Argue you.
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: Okay, how about this, You've never just like this weekend
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: when we were standing in the bathroom and we were
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: talking about your control issues that we discovered, and I
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: looked at you and I like got into you a
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: little bit.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: And then hours later I was like, was I too harsh?
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: And You're like, if that's harsh?
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she asked me if she had gone too far.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: I was like, girl, you got to come with a
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: lot more material than just like healthy constructive criticism. I
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: was like okay.
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: I was like, Laala, you're an alcoholic. Yes, you have
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: fucking control issues.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: And she's like, you're an addict. Wla did you forget
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: you're an alcoholic? An alcoholic mind? I was like, I
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: got it understood.
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: We had a big breakthrough though.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: Brad Pitt fell off the wagon, and she claims he's
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: back off the wagon. That's literally what he said after
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: seven years, and I'm back off the wagon. I wonder
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: if he said it with pride after seven years of sobriety.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: Brad Pitt feels like he's able to drink responsibly and
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: knows when to stop.
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: See, I understand that. I feel like me and Brad
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: have a lot in call. No, wait, do you think
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: that his Do you think his girlfriend Yance?
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: I don't know who, what what she is? Do you
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: think that she drinks or if she drinks?
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: Sure she does. I just don't understand how you could
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: feel like you're able to drink when we all know
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: that his children don't talk to him, that there was
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: an incident on a private jet where he was drinking
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: and it got very very chaotic in buckwh piled up there?
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: And why altitude will do that.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: When I think about the path of destruction. You know,
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: I'm a big Angelia n Jolie fan. The path of
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: destruction you left for that woman and those children. And
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: you think that it's a good idea to pick up
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: a drink again, That great for you. You're a fucking
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: whack job.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: Well you know what they say. He just is going
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: out to do some more research. That's it.
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: Oh, more research, more research, yep, So we'll see where
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: the research lands up.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: Listen, he may prove.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Us all wrong or he may can I tell you
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: he could be like Drew Barrymore was sober for a
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: really long time. She now can have a glass of
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: wine like totally has it under control, and she's good
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: really from the outside looking in.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: Yes, oh, I didn't know that about her.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: He reached a point where he felt comfortable making a
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: different choice. For him, that means moderation and being very
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: conscious of his limits. You cannot put those words in
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: the same sentence as alcohol, because in your sober mind
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: thinking about it, all of that makes sense. It makes
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: sense to me. Moment you drink, you don't know what
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: moderation is, and you cannot make conscious decisions because you're inebriated.
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: But it's not just about how many I used to
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: argue with my ex about this all the time, and
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: not the one that we share. It's not just about
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: how many drinks and not be able to like put
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: down drinks. It's even if one drink gets you so
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: fucked up.
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: Because I'm a lightweight, I.
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: Wasn't drinking five six strinks like amber you were combining
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: it with pills.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: Can I just put out there?
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: Not all the time, Not all the time. I was
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: using it as a way to numb myself. So not
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: all the.
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: Time was I throwing back a xanax. Now if I
• 11:57
  Speaker 4: was on a going on a plane because I've I'm
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: terrible fight a fine a xanax and drinking, then yes
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: I was. Some days I was on a mission because
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: I was in.
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: Such pain, I just want to feel the pain.
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah, which, by the way, it totally backfired it. I
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: would just feel it even more and I would just
• 12:19
  Speaker 4: start crying. All the time, I wasn't an angry drunk.
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: I never got angry. Never. I was very emotional.
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: It's not just about having multiple drinks, like you could
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: be an alcoholic after two drinks.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna find out you don't have to. Like
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: I can sit here and be like, oh, like when
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: you mentioned the vodka soda or Red Bull and vodka
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: in Vegas, Like I can immediately place myself there and
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: be like, that sounds fucking fun. Let's go. And then
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: I start thinking about, oh my gosh, the feeling after,
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: and let's remember what life looks like right now. And
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: by the way, you don't have, you know, one night
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: of a bender and lose everything. It's a slow process.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: It all just starts slipping through your fingers and you
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: wake up one dango wow. Two years and now I
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: cannot recover from this, and I'm not willing to start over.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: I'm not willing to have my children suffer because of alcohol.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: And I become unpredictable. So you saying you're not your family,
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: and you you don't get angry. There's no telling what's
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: going to happen with me. I could become very emotional.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: I could be the funnest girl you've ever met in
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: your life. Or I could try to fuck you up
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: pretty hard. M put my hands on you. You may
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: be running screaming, bloody murder and I'm chasing after you
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: naked and six inch hills.
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: That's hot.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not that hot in the moment, it's terrifying.
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: If I'm watching it on the screen, I wouldn't want
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: to be the person running from you.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: No, but that's what I'm saying. It becomes very unhinged. Yeah, yeah,
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: well it's a real thing. Well we'll see where he
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: ends up. But he quit drinking after an alleged twenty
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: six sixteen drunken plane incident. So that, yeah, that was
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: his rock bottom venture.
• 14:06
  Speaker 6: Go there.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: I need you to venture back into that Bradley venture
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: back into that.
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: I wonder what he's going through personally in his life
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: because remember us talking about trying to get out of
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: the pain, Like what he is going through personally that
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: he feels like he needs to get out of the pain,
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: because that's remember when you're an alcoholic, it's it's drinking.
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: Is the symptom using as a symptom, you're in fear,
• 14:30
  Speaker 4: you're in like turmoil internally, it's a spiritual.
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: Like bottom.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: Or he could have just been having a piece of
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: red meat and thought, you know what would go great
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: with this instead of this diet coke? Yeah, a nice tabrinet.
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's called getting the fuckets.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like when I'm having a Javier at Polo Lounge,
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: I'm like, you know what would go great with this
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: ice cold Champs? That would really make this a fucking party.
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel that way on a hot day, I
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: just want a beer and I don't even like beer.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: But tell me this, and I do not. I'm not
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: saying go out and get yourself, you know, non alcoholic beverages,
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: because everybody in their sobriety journey is completely different. In
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: some people, that's a trigger for them. I've been drinking
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: non alcoholic beverages since the time I got sober. But
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: how hard did that n A beer hit the other day?
• 15:30
  Speaker 6: Oh?
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that was amazing.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we cracked it at one. It had been
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: a rough day. Cracked the NA beer, Yeah, and it
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: was slapping. Do you feel triggered when you drink something
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: that like that beer?
• 15:43
  Speaker 6: No?
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: Not no, not beer, because like beer's one of those
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: drinks that you have to drink a lot in order
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: to get drunk.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: Okay for me anyways, So you know that even the
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: taste of it, You're like, I wouldn't be drinking this
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: is anyway to catch a buzz?
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: I think I have such a big imagination that like
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: even taking a drink of a beer, just the like
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: even the holding the beer cup or the bottle.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: We had a bottle, right, that stuff has never triggered. No.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: Like I go to Bevmo and there's this brand called
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: seed Lip and Easton also sober, will take shots of
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: like the faux vodka, and it's almost like a placebo
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: effect of That's my point.
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: It is like drinking a beer is like a placebo.
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: Drinking anything out of a wine glass or a champagne glass,
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: it's placebo. It's great, doesn't bother me. Some people it
• 16:31
  Speaker 4: might trigger them, but for me, it doesn't.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: And I guess it depends on if you're in the program,
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: whatever your sponsored, because everyone's even though we're in the
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: same program, everyone's program is very different. Yes, And that's
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: why you go in and you search for your person, right,
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: you little your little sober soulmate to help you through
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: staying sober. I have been very fortunate in my sober
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: I was never into pills. I was never into I
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: had never done blow. I had never done really anything.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: And I've talked about this. I did mushrooms one time.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: That was pretty fun, the best, awesome like that with
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: a hit or.
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: Ten and of a blunt yeah, and a music festival.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: Oh, there's a music festival in my head. The trees
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: are performing for me and they're like, I'm giving you oxygen,
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh my god, Wow, I thought I
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: was doing a lot. You're providing air for all those
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: holy shit, you know it is amazing, amazing, Wow, I'm
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: there right now. There was a time so when we
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: were filming in Mexico, I was you got your push
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: over on? I do.
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: I just was just making sure that it was Oh,
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: it's their baby, it's there.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we're on the bus. I know I'm not
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: supposed to talk about the valley, but I'm doing it.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: We're on the bus in Mexico and they only showed
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: like a little bit of it. Schwartz is like asleep,
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: like a dead spider, and people had done mushrooms, and
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: Jasmine was right in front of me with her fiance
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: at the time, her now wife, Melissa, and Jasmine is
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: just cannot stop crying. It's like a flood of emotions
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: and she's like, do you guys understand We're never gonna
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: have this moment again? It's past. This is only a memory.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: And when I tell you I saw her so hard,
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: I was like, I got into it with her. I
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: was like like, right now, what I just said will
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: never come back. It's all in the past. I was like,
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: does it make you so emotional? And we both start
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: like sobbing, and Melissa goes, those mushrooms are good, right.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: I was like, I didn't take any. She goes, you're
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: you don't take mushrooms. I was like, no, Melissa, I'm sober.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: She goes, oh, oh my god, you seem like a
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: little fucked up. I was like, I'm true. I have
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: high thoughts all the livelong day, and I get the
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: placebo from other people.
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: Yes, I was just gonna say, it's crazy when you
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: go out. I was so worried when I first got sober.
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: I'm like, dude, I don't know how I'm gonna go
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: rock it with people at like a seven pm dinner.
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: Let me sleeping.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: But it's true.
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: You start to get this second wind, and you the
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: energy between the drunk person and the sober person.
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: It just transfers.
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, whoa, I feel like I feel high
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: and I have a ton of energy and I feel great, and.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: You want know what's amazing? The next day, you want
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: to rock a seven am workout?
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: You can.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: I am fucking right there with you.
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: Isn't it great to best so Bradley? Why would you
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: give up your sobriety? You're the best of all worlds.
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: That's rude.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: You know what you needed to come hang out with us?
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: All right, brad You're welcome on the podcast anytime, buddy, anytime,
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: my friend.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: I get this question a lot in my DMS about
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: what the first step is to getting sober, and once
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: you conquer that, how do you stay sober? And I
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: always have to like separate those two questions because the thought,
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: even now, right now, when I tell myself you can
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: never have another drink again in your entire life, that
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: thought makes me want to go have a drink, because
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: I don't like things that are forever right.
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: That film, it's overwhelming, that that's overwhelming.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So I have to say, let's not think about
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: how to stay sober. Let's talk about how we get
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: sober right now in this moment. And sometimes I have
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: to stay sober minute by minute. Sometimes I have to
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: stay sober for my kids because I can't do it
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: for myself because I'm ready to fucking throw it all
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: the way m hm. And although those moments don't happen
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: to me very often, I'd be lying if I said
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: I didn't think about it. Of course, I know I'm
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: not going to do it because I have the tools, right,
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: I know. Oh, we got it, like, and I.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: Thought, and that feeling is going to pass. Yes, I
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: think for me.
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: I really, I came in through alan On, so I
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: never had the problem, and that's because I never could
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: look myself in the mirror.
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: But I just stayed curious. And I know it sounds
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: so simple, but if you have an open mind, you know.
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: People you say like, well maybe you should get sober,
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: or like, hey, have you ever thought about going in
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: to a meeting like and they instantly say no. I
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: think you have to be willing to say like, huh,
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: that's really interesting. I wonder what it's about. Like it
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: may not be for me, and I don't have to
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: like put a label that I'm an alcoholic, but just
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: go sit in an open meeting and just listen because
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: everyone's story is different. And they say it only takes
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: resonating with one person's share that you're like, oh my god,
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: me too, and then you start having the you felt
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: that way too, or you felt bullied as a kid,
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: or you always felt like.
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: Depressed or like whatever it was like, you felt.
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: Alone, and then you get more and more curious, and
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: then you keep coming back, and then one day you
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: have the courage to say, oh, I think maybe I am.
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: Because I had no idea. I thought I just had
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: anxiety and depression, like severe depression and severe anxiety. But
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: once I started going to AA, I realized those were
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: the symptoms. And I used xanax and alcohol and sex
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: and shopping and food and all the other things to
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: mask and to cover up.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: It was like that temporary band aid that I would
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: put on.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, we were talking this morning with the
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: news of Hayden Pantier's passing, and you said something that
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: like like rocked me. And you even said in the car,
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: you know, she put up a very good bite for
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: a long time, and you relate to that, and you
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: know she had written about this in her book, and
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: she was on Jay Shetty's podcast and talking about her
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: custody situation, talking about her depression, her anxiety, her addiction,
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: and you know, I think I'm very lucky that drinking
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: was my main thing and I didn't pick up other
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: things because I had a really addictive personality. As what
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: I would tell people as I'm slammed, like, I don't
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: do that because I don't want to be addicted. I
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: think my sobriety journey would be very different. I don't
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: think I could have first try approaching eight years. But
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: I know that Hayden went through many times of trying
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: to get sober. But you were talking about this on
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: the couch because you related to her situation.
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think when you have people surrounding you that
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: have like for instance, for her it was her ex
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: husband and her situation with her daughter and among other
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: anxiety depressions, and also losing her brother who was twenty
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: six when he passed away.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: I get it.
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: Sometimes it's the fight is just too hard and you're
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: like I can't win, I cannot win, and it just
• 24:44
  Speaker 4: feels so heavy and you feel so broken inside and
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: you're in so much pain and you just feel like
• 24:52
  Speaker 4: there's no way out. And I've definitely been there before
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: where I'm like.
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: Dude, there's no way out.
• 24:57
  Speaker 4: I'm not getting out of this and so when I
• 24:59
  Speaker 4: see her on when I was you know, I had
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: watched that J. Shetty podcast and I almost couldn't get
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: through it because I know exactly what she was talking about.
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: Like you see her on you see her on his
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: couch or on the chair, trying to almost convince herself
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: But you could still see that she was just fucking
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: fighting for her life.
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: And it was her time. And just knowing now that.
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: Like her soul is free of that fear and anxiety
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: and burden in that just feeling like you're being strangled
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: on a daily basis by life or people around you.
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: It brings me so much relief because I know she's
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: not in pain anymore. And I think there's some souls
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: that come to this earth and they are just fucking tortured,
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: you know, and you know, it really sucks for her daughter.
• 26:11
  Speaker 4: She's free, and that's like one less tortured soul.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: And Viola Davis gave this beautiful like tribute to her
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: on her Instagram. I can't remember exactly what it said,
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: but she was just like, now you could fly free,
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: and that's what it is. It's like life gets really challenging,
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: and when you have kids and when you have exes
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: and when you've been you know, whether she was emotionally
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: physically abused, which I think she experienced all that, Like.
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's I get it. I fucking get it.
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: And so it's almost hard for me to even watch
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: any of her videos anymore because there's so much of
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: myself that I see and like, I fucking she just
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: like keep she held on for as long as she
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: fucking could. And whether she died. I think she died
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: of a cardiac arrest or something like that, probably with
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: a drug overdose.
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: It's it was her only way out. It was the
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: wrong she was. She probably felt like a caged animal.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: Do you think that making because you know, there's so
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: many decisions that humans make in life, whether it's picking
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: up to numb out taking their own life. And there's
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: the argument of your being selfish in those moments. I
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: don't quite believe that.
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: I don't think so. I think some people just I mean,
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: I'm sure she tried to get sober. I'm sure she.
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: I actually know she had a psychiatric help and went
• 27:55
  Speaker 4: to great people that I actually know to try to
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: help her, and sometimes your soul is just so tortured
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: you just don't want to fucking go. You don't want
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: to move on anymore.
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: It's like it's just too hard and I can't.
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: It's almost like I'm having a hard time with the
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: words yeah, conveying it, because it's.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: Just unless unless you've been in.
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: Those shoes, and it's a daily like for me, my
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: anxiety is a daily fight.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: It's like it's a daily fucking fight.
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: But I know if I don't stay sober, and I
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: know I joke about having a drink or whatever, in
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: all seriousness, I don't know if I would be able
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: to return from it.
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: That's how serious it is.
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: Like it's a chemical imbalance, It's a real fucking chemical imbalance,
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: and a spiritual death.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: I mean, I don't even want to pretend like I
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: know what like you've gone through, because I don't. I
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: think I have to like quite literally walk in your
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: shoes you've been doing. You've been putting up this fight
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: for a decade plus, and I can't even begin to
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: imagine what it was that Hayden Panitier was going through
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: because I have never felt like I was so tortured
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: that I needed to escape. Really, I don't think I've
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: been put to the Maybe I have and I've come out.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know. What I do know
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: is during the passing of my dad, I was heavily
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: in my addiction. But I've always said this, I feel
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: like God made us capable and well equipped to handle
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: the passing of a parent. You know, like I was
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: going to get through that. It's just the circle of life.
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: But you felt that pain when your dad passed.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: I was gut wrenching. But again, I don't think that
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: we're equipped a handle pain of full on fighting for
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: your child. And yes, I put up a really really
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: good fight for Ocean. But then I hear other stories
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh, now you were backed into a
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: corner and you were really having to fight. I was
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: two three years sober in thank God, the custody situation.
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: Can you imagine not being sober going through that that?
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: I think I I think either I would have been
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: dead or someone else would have been dead had I
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: been fucked up, because that was torture. And it's not
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: often that I can like go back and think about it.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: Because I think I disassociated and because I did come
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: out of it, and I found my strength and my
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: power and my full independence in every aspect. It's like
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: I can look back and go, yeah, that was a
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: weird time. Then if you and I are having conversations
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: and I remember certain feelings of being at that house,
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: the treehouse, and like on the phone with lawyers all
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: day long and not knowing like what the future of
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: my child, Like that was torture, And had I not
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: been sober, we would be in a very different situation.
• 31:28
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: I think if I would have been sober during my situation,
• 31:30
  Speaker 4: it would have been very different. I had no coping
• 31:33
  Speaker 4: mechanisms at all and at all, but here we are today,
• 31:40
  Speaker 4: So I think it all leads back in the whole thing.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: You don't meet anyone who goes My life got really,
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: really great and manageable when I started picking up and
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: using You just don't hear that. Anybody who has gotten sober,
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: they will tell you life still happens. But I can
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: manage it.
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: One hundred percent. I get it.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I can get a grasp on the bigger picture
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: and go, you know, this is my today. Tomorrow may
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: be the exact same shit, but I know that I
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: can get through it one day at a time, right,
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: and before you know it, you're out of it. I
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: mean during my custody situation, I was like, I'm never
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: getting out of this, and people would say to me, oh,
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: you've been in it for six months, call me in
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: ten years, and I'm like, ten fucking years. Ten years
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: is how long it's going to take. I'm five years
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: out of it. And although there are moments where I
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: still feel like, oh no, I'm being choked out now,
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: and not in the fun way. This is beat. I
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: don't like this caged animal. Yeah, yes, I know, stay sober,
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: hold your ground, do take the tools into play with sobriety.
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: But also you know what to do, you know who
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: to make the phone call to, you know exactly what
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: the playbook is right there.
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: It's so funny. I text my sponsor this morning.
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: I was like, hey, do you have any suggestions on
• 33:15
  Speaker 4: literature for control issues? And she said, yeah, there's a
• 33:20
  Speaker 4: big book that two men wrote.
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: I was like, fuck you.
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: Okay, I guess I need to pick up the book
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: that has all the answers in it.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: By the way, I have a really good book at
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: home that my sponsor told me to get it's just
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: sitting in a true.
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: And you haven't opened the front cover. I bet no.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: I did when I first got my new sponsor. Yes,
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: I haven't picked it up since.
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: She gave me homework and I was like, all right,
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: I'll do the homework. I get excited. I got back
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: on the pink cloud because for a moment, I was like,
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: I'm not getting anything from this program anymore. I'm just
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: gonna be a sober person, take a beat on the meetings.
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: I'll check in with my sponsor. And then I was
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: telling Easton, I go to give one of my sober
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: sisters a cake, take me to this meeting. This is
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: the meeting she wanted to go. My plan was to
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: walk in there, give her her kid, go home, be
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: with ocean because she was leaving. I stayed throughout, and
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: it like reignited my I was like, Oh, this is
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: these are my people. Yeah, yeah, this is where I
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: come from.
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, that's a godshot.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 34:20
  Speaker 4: I call it a god wink because my God is
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: cute and funny.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: I have to and has long blonde hair to.
• 34:31
  Speaker 4: Push up Brad and he's tall, dark and handsome, and
• 34:33
  Speaker 4: his penis looks like that.
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: Dark your handsom with a pink wiener unicorn?
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: Unicorn? You know why he's gay?
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, I was gonna say, I do.
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: All right, I picture your gud because that looks like
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: a unicorn.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: So no, he is shooting rainbows out of that thing.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: It's not just come. Here's why, sober you can do it.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: Here's a godwink.
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: It's not like.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: Not a splooge. No, this is not a.
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: Sploogy, a like gross and creamy and ugly. Mine's like
• 35:16
  Speaker 4: little sparkles in it.
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: I'm here. Fuck, I'm in trouble. I know this.
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: Well, here's the thing. I really love you, and sometimes
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: I'm a little too tough. And you can ask my
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: mom this. I get very hard on people, which I
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: need to adjust that. But I would probably say you're
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: out of your fucking mind, and no that's not happening.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: But the reality of it is we have to talk
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: through it. What in this moment is making you want
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: to pick up a drink? All right? Well, I'm feeling this,
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: this and this. Okay, Well, before we go straight to
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: the drink, how do we how do we not numb
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: these feelings but address these feelings so you don't want
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: the drink.
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: Let's not run to the.
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: Let's get curious and figure out why you're feeling this way,
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: and maybe there's an easier, softer way.
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, then bugging up? Yes, I think that's And a
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: lot of people ask me, you know, my friend clearly
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: has a drinking problem. What do I do? And it's like,
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: you let your friend have the drinking problem because you
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: cannot get someone sober.
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: You cannot.
• 36:23
  Speaker 4: I actually went through this with a friend and I
• 36:28
  Speaker 4: for five years. I was like, this is just one
• 36:31
  Speaker 4: this is going bad like it.
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: It got really dark and it got really ugly.
• 36:35
  Speaker 4: I know who you're talking about, and I would have
• 36:38
  Speaker 4: to call my sponsor and figure out, like how do
• 36:39
  Speaker 4: I help?
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: She's like, Amber, you can't.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: You want to know what's so funny? What is when
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: I was thinking about getting a friend, it is feeling
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: like I needed to address it. I called the same
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: person you're talking about.
• 36:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and she gave me the best advice. And now
• 36:54
  Speaker 4: she's in recovery. She's it like at a program and
• 36:59
  Speaker 4: she's doing and I am absolutely shocked. And in this lesson,
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: I learned as painful as it is to see someone
• 37:07
  Speaker 4: burn their life down and hit rock bottom, and sometimes
• 37:11
  Speaker 4: that might mean death.
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: There's nothing you could do.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: About it, No, because someone has to want it. Yeah,
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: I can't want it for you. I would say the
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: one thing that I do when I'm around people who
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: I feel may have a problem, you may or may not,
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: which this is easy because I don't drink, but I
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: don't promote it. I don't ask them do you need
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: a drink? I don't like. I have been around groups
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: of people where someone has an issue, and then I
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: see someone who may not have an issue, but is
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: enore me, you know, let me grab you a drink
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: at the bars? Like, no, no, no, you're promoting the behavior.
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: You can't sit here and talk to me about what
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: do we do. You're sober, you know what to do.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: I've told you what to do. So then why are
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: you running and getting you know, him, a drink at
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: the bar? Yeah, and promoting the fucking drinking that you
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: just told me you think maybe a problem? Yeah, otherwise
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: you got to walk away. If you think it's that
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: big of a problem. You just have to say, this
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: is a journey that you're on. I can't be You
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: have to cut ties.
• 38:30
  Speaker 4: You have to cut ties with a person and it
• 38:31
  Speaker 4: is painful for me.
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: It was really painful.
• 38:34
  Speaker 4: I knew this girl for a very very long time,
• 38:36
  Speaker 4: and she's now, she's doing the work, and who knows
• 38:38
  Speaker 4: she may come out because we know how it is
• 38:40
  Speaker 4: when you come out of rehab. Can they survive and
• 38:42
  Speaker 4: will she like create an environment for herself that is supportive.
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: And it's just.
• 38:49
  Speaker 6: Having the gift of desperation to want to change. That's
• 38:52
  Speaker 6: why I say I feel very lucky. There's not one
• 38:56
  Speaker 6: part of my life that changed, Danbar. I just woke
• 38:59
  Speaker 6: up knowing I want to be a sober person. I'd
• 39:03
  Speaker 6: never want to feel this way again. Two days later,
• 39:06
  Speaker 6: I want a private jet to Mexico with all of
• 39:08
  Speaker 6: my friends who are making cocktails on the plane.
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: We're on yachts, We're in a fabulous house. Everyone's having
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: Margarita's m We go to a nightclub where they're bringing
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: out ginormous bottles and I fucking did not pick up
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: a drink.
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: It gets easier in the beginning, it's really hard.
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: You have to say it was hard though I was
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: so desperate for it. You were so desperate it almost
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: the thought of having that drink made me sick to
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: my stomach.
• 39:36
  Speaker 4: That's how I got when I first got so overd
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: the thought I would instantly is the placebo effect. I
• 39:40
  Speaker 4: would get that like gurgly stomach and then the spins,
• 39:42
  Speaker 4: and then I'm mine was.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: Taking me right back to waking up so fucking depressed
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: that I wanted to drive off of a cliff. I
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: was like, that drink represents me wanting to take my
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: own life.
• 39:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, oh that's powerful, that's really really powerful.
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: So it's just not happening. Yeah, and here we are.
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: I'm not believe eight years. It's on day.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: At a time, October twenty second. But I'm like, I
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: feel like I just watched on the valley me celebrating
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: seven years. Already, almost a year has gone by. It's
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: almost been a year that my that I put Lily
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: to rest time is so fucking precious.
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: And I'm not wasting one moment picking up a fucking drink. No, no, nope,
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: although a glass of champagne does sound nice right now?
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: So what do we do? We vape?
• 40:37
  Speaker 4: We vape, Huff the feeling away, huff the magic drag.
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: Don't judge me, We're all give me the last weekend, motherfuckers.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: I love you, guys. This was a great episode. I
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: love podcasting with you. I podcast being around you. I
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: love you. You're like a part of my soul. It's
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: very important you know that.
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: Thank you. You are a part of my soul.
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: You guys have the best rest of the week. Oh
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: we're going into the weekend. Praise him Hallelujah. Enjoy yourselves,
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: drink responsibly, let it get it, keep up on that sobriety.
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: We love you. We'll catch you next week.
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: Bye bye,