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How to Build Strong Rapport in Play Therapy · Next Level Play Therapy: A Podcast for Play Therapy Excellence

• 0:02
  Cathi Spooner: Welcome to Next Level Play Therapy, a weekly podcast dedicated to supporting the next generation of child and adolescent therapists to provide exceptional play therapy services.
• 0:14
  Cathi Spooner: We'll explore all things play therapy to elevate your work with children and adolescents using the therapeutic powers of play.
• 0:23
  Cathi Spooner: I'll discuss practical tips and ideas.
• 0:26
  Cathi Spooner: So you can provide a transformative experience for your young clients and make a real difference in their lives.
• 0:34
  Cathi Spooner: So get ready to take your play therapy skills to the next level and make a lasting impact in the lives of children, adolescents, and families.
• 0:48
  Cathi Spooner: Hey there.
• 0:49
  Cathi Spooner: Hello.
• 0:50
  Cathi Spooner: Welcome to this week's episode of Next Level Play Therapy.
• 0:55
  Cathi Spooner: Today I want to talk about rapport building.
• 0:58
  Cathi Spooner: A lot of times I focus on theory drives application and I talk a lot about, you really need to learn a theory because theory will influence or dictate how you show up in your play therapy sessions.
• 1:15
  Cathi Spooner: What do you do in your play therapy sessions?
• 1:18
  Cathi Spooner: How do you respond to your clients in your play therapy sessions?
• 1:23
  Cathi Spooner: How do you make sense of what's going on in your therapy sessions?
• 1:29
  Cathi Spooner: It'll influence how you involve parents or caregivers in the process.
• 1:36
  Cathi Spooner: So I focus a lot on that and today I want to balance it out a little bit and talk about rapport building because I believe that rapport building is just as important as learning your theoretical model and learning how to apply your theoretical model through each stage of the change process.
• 2:01
  Cathi Spooner: I look at it like, um, like a stool with three legs in order for the stool to be for you to be able to sit on the stool or stand on the stool, you need all three legs.
• 2:14
  Cathi Spooner: You need all three legs to be equal.
• 2:18
  Cathi Spooner: Otherwise, you'll have a wobbly stool.
• 2:20
  Cathi Spooner: And I believe the three legs are theory.
• 2:25
  Cathi Spooner: Because theory drives application, relationship, which is what we're going to talk about today, relationship is that glue, I believe, and then I believe the other is research and keeping up on some of the current trends and using research to guide us in how we are applying things, what we're focusing on.
• 2:50
  Cathi Spooner: Um, I don't think research is the end all be all either, which is why it is one leg in the stool and equal to all of others.
• 2:59
  Cathi Spooner: So today I want to talk about relationship and how to build strong rapport in play therapy with your clients.
• 3:10
  Cathi Spooner: Including parents or caregivers.
• 3:14
  Cathi Spooner: When I say parents, I really am using that as more of a generic term.
• 3:20
  Cathi Spooner: As play therapists, we know there are a variety of adults or grownups who fulfill that role for children.
• 3:28
  Cathi Spooner: Could be children are not living with their parents.
• 3:32
  Cathi Spooner: Maybe they are in foster care or maybe they're living with another family member.
• 3:40
  Cathi Spooner: Um, so when I say parents, it's more generic in nature.
• 3:45
  Cathi Spooner: So I would love to see who is here today joining me on the live stream.
• 3:52
  Cathi Spooner: So if you would post your name in the comments, I would love to see who's here.
• 3:58
  Cathi Spooner: What population do you work with?
• 4:00
  Cathi Spooner: Are you using play therapy?
• 4:02
  Cathi Spooner: Where are you using play therapy?
• 4:05
  Cathi Spooner: Where are you from?
• 4:07
  Cathi Spooner: Um, and if you're watching on the replay, I would still love to know who's watching, where you work, what population you work with.
• 4:18
  Cathi Spooner: And also if you are listening on the podcast episode, welcome.
• 4:24
  Cathi Spooner: Um, and I would love to know how you are um, what you're finding useful.
• 4:31
  Cathi Spooner: So please feel free to leave a comment and if you're listening on the podcast, I would love if you would leave a review.
• 4:38
  Cathi Spooner: It always is nice to get some of that information and feedback to make sure that I'm on the right track and meeting the needs of the play therapy community.
• 4:50
  Cathi Spooner: If you're watching on YouTube, please feel free to hit that subscribe button and please feel free to share this information across your social media platforms if you find it useful.
• 5:04
  Cathi Spooner: So let's get started for today.
• 5:08
  Cathi Spooner: So rapport building to me, rapport building is is really the glue that keeps your clients engaged.
• 5:21
  Cathi Spooner: They're not going to stay engaged because you know your theory model and you can explain your theory model.
• 5:28
  Cathi Spooner: They're going to stay engaged because they trust you through all of the change process.
• 5:35
  Cathi Spooner: We also know from research that children really can't engage their social engagement circuits in order to engage in the play process unless they feel safe.
• 5:51
  Cathi Spooner: And when they trust you, then they will feel safe in the play therapy process.
• 5:58
  Cathi Spooner: This also includes parents and caregivers.
• 6:02
  Cathi Spooner: I am a firm believer that we need to be establishing strong rapport with parents as well as with our child and adolescent clients because parents need support.
• 6:15
  Cathi Spooner: You know what?
• 6:16
  Cathi Spooner: I've been pondering so much lately, especially so I'm going to talk a little bit more also at the end if you're interested in a family play therapy training, a live webinar that I have coming up.
• 6:29
  Cathi Spooner: Um, and here's why I'm mentioning that as well, as well as, um, for the topic that we have for today, which is rapport building.
• 6:38
  Cathi Spooner: I hear all the time and I was just reading through some articles this week about children's mental health, the mental health crisis, how children are struggling and I'm a firm believer, I don't know what if you guys think the same.
• 6:57
  Cathi Spooner: Um, I'd love to know your thoughts about what I'm about to say as well.
• 7:01
  Cathi Spooner: So if you're listening on the podcast, please feel free to reach out and send me an email.
• 7:08
  Cathi Spooner: I, I feel like families are struggling.
• 7:13
  Cathi Spooner: We've, we've been through the pandemic.
• 7:15
  Cathi Spooner: It created a lot of chaos.
• 7:17
  Cathi Spooner: I feel like we're still kind of coming out of that with all of the anxiety.
• 7:22
  Cathi Spooner: But if you're here in the US, we have a lot of other kind of, uh, contention going on, um, with the big election coming up, which is really important.
• 7:36
  Cathi Spooner: And creates a lot of, you know, the media's, there's a lot of contention.
• 7:42
  Cathi Spooner: I also think that the social media platforms and what, what's going on there.
• 7:49
  Cathi Spooner: Um, I re I'm going to do a shout out on Instagram.
• 7:53
  Cathi Spooner: They didn't know I was going to do this, but, um, I connected recently on Instagram, uh, with a channel called Your Brain on Social Media.
• 8:03
  Cathi Spooner: Um, we were kind of chatting a little bit about doing some, doing some, uh, collaborative work, but the, what, the reason I'm mentioning it is because they're supporting parents.
• 8:15
  Cathi Spooner: Helping parents figure out how to navigate social media for their kids.
• 8:20
  Cathi Spooner: So why am I mentioning all of this, especially when we're talking about rapport building?
• 8:25
  Cathi Spooner: Parents are struggling.
• 8:27
  Cathi Spooner: Families are struggling.
• 8:29
  Cathi Spooner: We know from research that children do best when they have a strong support network family.
• 8:38
  Cathi Spooner: And I'm not talking perfect family.
• 8:40
  Cathi Spooner: I certainly don't have a perfect family.
• 8:43
  Cathi Spooner: I always laugh.
• 8:44
  Cathi Spooner: I'm like, Oh, we're that outsider family that doesn't fit the mold of what you would think of for your typical mental health therapist family.
• 8:54
  Cathi Spooner: Um, but through all of our, you know, quirks and imperfections, we stay connected.
• 9:03
  Cathi Spooner: We love each other.
• 9:04
  Cathi Spooner: We're still important to each other.
• 9:06
  Cathi Spooner: And.
• 9:07
  Cathi Spooner: We know we're there for each other.
• 9:09
  Cathi Spooner: My kids know that we're there for them.
• 9:13
  Cathi Spooner: My, and, and that, you know, they're at that age now, they're kind of young adults that we kind of hang out in a different way now, but supporting families, I also believe is important.
• 9:27
  Cathi Spooner: Building rapport with parents to give parents support.
• 9:31
  Cathi Spooner: They're bombarded so much with how to be the perfect parent.
• 9:37
  Cathi Spooner: If you're going to be a parent, you should do it this way.
• 9:40
  Cathi Spooner: I remember reading all the nine gazillion books cause I didn't get the typically developing kids, but it took me quite a few years to figure that out.
• 9:49
  Cathi Spooner: In the meantime, I was looking for how to do this and it's confusing and overwhelming to, to have that.
• 9:58
  Cathi Spooner: So when parents build rapport with you, it gives them support.
• 10:04
  Cathi Spooner: You can help them navigate all this noise going on so that you can be a support to them so they can be a support to their child.
• 10:16
  Cathi Spooner: So that's what I want to talk about today.
• 10:21
  Cathi Spooner: Let me check in a little bit.
• 10:22
  Cathi Spooner: There's a few comments.
• 10:24
  Cathi Spooner: Hey Sherry, I forgot to say hi to you last time.
• 10:27
  Cathi Spooner: Hey Sherry.
• 10:27
  Cathi Spooner: Sherry's in my, um, I saw your name pop up.
• 10:31
  Cathi Spooner: Uh, Sherry's in my Play Therapy Academy program.
• 10:35
  Cathi Spooner: So let's see who's here.
• 10:37
  Cathi Spooner: We have Oh, it looks like it's okay.
• 10:42
  Cathi Spooner: I'm not exactly sure.
• 10:43
  Cathi Spooner: It looks like we've got a little spam going on YouTube.
• 10:47
  Cathi Spooner: That's the not so fabulous.
• 10:49
  Cathi Spooner: I'm going to delete that one.
• 10:51
  Cathi Spooner: Cool.
• 10:52
  Cathi Spooner: I didn't know I could do that on stream.
• 10:54
  Cathi Spooner: Yay.
• 10:55
  Cathi Spooner: Okay, so let's get started.
• 10:57
  Cathi Spooner: Why Why is rapport important?
• 11:03
  Cathi Spooner: So first the association for play therapy has, um, did some research, gathered information, and they identified some core competencies for play therapists to learn these skills when they are, um, providing play therapy.
• 11:25
  Cathi Spooner: So So in there, in the, these core competencies, which if you go on the Association for Play Therapy website, you can find the core competencies on there.
• 11:38
  Cathi Spooner: But competency to be, I'm going to read it says.
• 11:43
  Cathi Spooner: core competency we need to be developing is demonstrate knowledge of rapport building.
• 11:49
  Cathi Spooner: For example, empathy, safety, unconditional regard by utilizing self in play therapy in relations with children, caregivers, and stakeholders in play therapy.
• 12:02
  Cathi Spooner: So that whole use of self in play therapy is important.
• 12:07
  Cathi Spooner: How do you do that?
• 12:09
  Cathi Spooner: Because it is still a professional relationship.
• 12:13
  Cathi Spooner: We still need to be able to maintain that level of professionalism in the play therapy relationship.
• 12:21
  Cathi Spooner: And we need to show up in a way that we're using ourself therapeutically.
• 12:29
  Cathi Spooner: That's really that whole corrective experience that we provide in play therapy through that relationship, which is why it's so important.
• 12:41
  Cathi Spooner: Um, that developing that ability to connect with with clients, connect with parents, provides the anchor that our clients need in order to make it through all of the stages of change.
• 12:59
  Cathi Spooner: I'm a firm believer this is really, really, really important with parents because when you're going to be asking parents to do some of those challenging things, they need to be able to trust you.
• 13:15
  Cathi Spooner: Excuse me.
• 13:15
  Cathi Spooner: I got a tickle in my throat and have some coffee.
• 13:22
  Cathi Spooner: If parents are going to make those hard changes that you're asking them to make, they need to trust you and it'll take a while to build that trust in order for them to make those changes that you're, they're asked, that you're asking them to make.
• 13:39
  Cathi Spooner: Also we know that children can't really engage their social engagement circuits unless they feel safe in the sessions and in order to feel safe they need to build some of that trust with you and we're not robots.
• 13:57
  Cathi Spooner: My husband said that to me years ago.
• 14:00
  Cathi Spooner: I was lamenting about why I'm not so perfect and how I feel like I'm not doing a good job.
• 14:07
  Cathi Spooner: This was a couple, way, way long ago.
• 14:10
  Cathi Spooner: And it's frustrating because, you know, we have to look at and, okay, so what I'm about to say is a good thing and it's a hard thing.
• 14:18
  Cathi Spooner: Comes with being in the profession.
• 14:21
  Cathi Spooner: You know, our stuff gets activated.
• 14:23
  Cathi Spooner: This is where self awareness is important.
• 14:25
  Cathi Spooner: We need to understand what's going on in us so we can understand what's going on in the sessions.
• 14:31
  Cathi Spooner: I call it our superpower.
• 14:33
  Cathi Spooner: When you learn how to hone that man, that is a superpower.
• 14:37
  Cathi Spooner: Um, and I am going to talk a little bit about that today, but it also means we have to really be reflective of what's going on.
• 14:45
  Cathi Spooner: And I, you know, I, I feel everything.
• 14:49
  Cathi Spooner: I have been that way since I was a kid and I feel it deeply so it can be a so overwhelming.
• 14:55
  Cathi Spooner: But one of the things my husband said to me this long, long time ago, as you're not a robot course, you're going to have these experiences and he's not a therapist.
• 15:06
  Cathi Spooner: He's nowhere near a therapist field.
• 15:09
  Cathi Spooner: So I always, you know, it's these pearls of wisdom that I get from him that kind of, I'm like, Oh, okay.
• 15:16
  Cathi Spooner: Okay.
• 15:17
  Cathi Spooner: Okay.
• 15:17
  Cathi Spooner: Now I'm grounded again.
• 15:18
  Cathi Spooner: No, I'm not perfect.
• 15:19
  Cathi Spooner: Don't have to be perfect.
• 15:20
  Cathi Spooner: So what does that mean in my profession?
• 15:23
  Cathi Spooner: How do I show up?
• 15:25
  Cathi Spooner: How do I use myself authentically in the session in a professional way?
• 15:33
  Cathi Spooner: And I, and I believe that's part of the journey.
• 15:37
  Cathi Spooner: that we are working through as play therapists to figure that out.
• 15:43
  Cathi Spooner: Um, I kind of decided like this.
• 15:46
  Cathi Spooner: So I've been in a mental health field.
• 15:48
  Cathi Spooner: I got started in, uh, graduated with my master's degree in social work back in 1992.
• 15:56
  Cathi Spooner: Now I have always wanted to work with children, adolescents and families ever since I was a kid.
• 16:02
  Cathi Spooner: I wanted to save the world.
• 16:04
  Cathi Spooner: That is what I was going to do.
• 16:05
  Cathi Spooner: And then I realized I can't save the world, but I can have a really good influence on the people in my, I call it my sphere of influence.
• 16:16
  Cathi Spooner: And so as a play therapist, what is, what does that mean?
• 16:19
  Cathi Spooner: What that means is for me, like those first five years out of graduate school and working towards licensing and learning how to do this and being self conscious about everything.
• 16:34
  Cathi Spooner: I did everything by the book.
• 16:36
  Cathi Spooner: I was very professional by the book.
• 16:40
  Cathi Spooner: Um, I didn't really let much of myself out very much because I was afraid of not being professional and still learning everything.
• 16:51
  Cathi Spooner: But somewhere along the line I kind of realized, you know what?
• 16:54
  Cathi Spooner: I like to have fun.
• 16:56
  Cathi Spooner: I'm going to be doing this job like 40 hours a week.
• 16:59
  Cathi Spooner: I really need to have fun and it's hard.
• 17:03
  Cathi Spooner: This is a hard job.
• 17:04
  Cathi Spooner: So for me, that therapeutic use of self means I show up authentically within the session in a professional way, understanding we're not friends, we're not buddies, we're not family.
• 17:22
  Cathi Spooner: This is a client relationship in which there are professional standards in order to, to protect clients.
• 17:30
  Cathi Spooner: And that's a good thing.
• 17:32
  Cathi Spooner: And within that, within that framework, how do I show up authentically with my clients?
• 17:42
  Cathi Spooner: But the other part of that is, I want to tap into becoming attuned.
• 17:50
  Cathi Spooner: And so Daniel Siegel talks about resonant circuits.
• 17:54
  Cathi Spooner: So that ability to be attuned mind to mind, even physiologically means in old days, we called it transference and countertransference.
• 18:06
  Cathi Spooner: Now I kind of lean heavily into resonant circuits where we're kind of picking up what's going on within this interaction in this relationship in this professional and authentic relationship.
• 18:25
  Cathi Spooner: And so figuring out how to do that is a really important part of being able to use self authentically in that play therapy process.
• 18:37
  Cathi Spooner: And that's going to look different.
• 18:38
  Cathi Spooner: Like my version of authentic use of self is going to look a little different than your authentic version in that therapeutic use of self.
• 18:50
  Cathi Spooner: And that's what each of us, I believe has to figure out what is that going to look like.
• 18:55
  Cathi Spooner: But the thing is, if you are able to be attuned in the sessions with your clients, then that gives you the ability to pick up on cues of what's going on to better understand your clients and use those cues to help guide you through what's the session to session to session through each stage of the play therapy process.
• 19:20
  Cathi Spooner: So that brings me to my next point that I wanted to discuss today, which is be fully present.
• 19:29
  Cathi Spooner: And especially in the beginning when you're just getting started and you're, you're trying to figure out how to bring that balance between theory and application, therapeutic relationship, and making sure you're staying up on what are the current um, I don't always like that word trends because some trends are not very good.
• 19:57
  Cathi Spooner: Um, but I and and research can guide us.
• 20:01
  Cathi Spooner: Research has its flaws as well.
• 20:03
  Cathi Spooner: So I don't think we can only rely on research.
• 20:07
  Cathi Spooner: I think the three things together grounding our work in in the theory and in theory gives us roots research, makes sure that we're staying up to date on what's actually working and what's not working with all of its flaws.
• 20:25
  Cathi Spooner: And the relationship is what keeps keeps clients feeling safe and connected and it's like the glue.
• 20:32
  Cathi Spooner: So we want all three.
• 20:35
  Cathi Spooner: The thing is when for to be fully present means you really have to let go of imposter syndrome.
• 20:43
  Cathi Spooner: And I've talked about this in previous sessions.
• 20:46
  Cathi Spooner: So if you're, uh, Um, if you want to take a deeper dive in previous episodes, I've talked about imposter syndrome.
• 20:55
  Cathi Spooner: I would say the easiest place to find some of the previous episodes would be my YouTube channel, Cathi Spooner Renewing Hearts Training.
• 21:05
  Cathi Spooner: If you're in my Facebook group, Play and Expressive Arts.
• 21:10
  Cathi Spooner: Um, Play and Expressive Arts Therapy Playground.
• 21:13
  Cathi Spooner: It's just for therapists who are using play therapy and expressive arts.
• 21:19
  Cathi Spooner: If you're interested and you're on, uh, Facebook, you can feel free to go over and join the group.
• 21:26
  Cathi Spooner: You have to answer all the questions or you won't get admitted.
• 21:29
  Cathi Spooner: Um, I, I keep all of the recordings in the featured section.
• 21:35
  Cathi Spooner: If you're watching on YouTube, you can probably find some of them on my, in my grid, but a lot of them, they might not necessarily be on YouTube.
• 21:47
  Cathi Spooner: So the easiest place would be to find them on YouTube.
• 21:50
  Cathi Spooner: Um, so if you're interested in some of these topics, I, I go into them a lot more in depth.
• 21:56
  Cathi Spooner: Um, And imposter syndrome is going to keep you from being fully present in the moment because all of your insecurities are going to pop up.
• 22:10
  Cathi Spooner: You're going to tell yourself in your head, I don't know what I'm doing.
• 22:14
  Cathi Spooner: I don't understand.
• 22:15
  Cathi Spooner: They're going to figure out at any moment that I don't know what I'm doing, that I'm a big giant fraud.
• 22:21
  Cathi Spooner: And they're going to pull their client, their child from tree once, which means I'm a big giant failure.
• 22:27
  Cathi Spooner: Like we all have this.
• 22:29
  Cathi Spooner: If you're new or kind of new, the likelihood you've struggled with imposter syndrome is really high.
• 22:38
  Cathi Spooner: Here's what I always say, especially to people just getting started.
• 22:43
  Cathi Spooner: Lean into therapeutic rapport.
• 22:46
  Cathi Spooner: You're not going to do everything perfectly.
• 22:48
  Cathi Spooner: Anytime we're learning something new, we're never going to do it perfectly.
• 22:52
  Cathi Spooner: That's even true for me now when I'm learning new things.
• 22:55
  Cathi Spooner: Um, nobody ever does it perfectly in, in play therapy and especially with, with parents leaning into building rapport, building trust, listening deeply, helping them feel heard, understood that felt sense of safety and connection.
• 23:20
  Cathi Spooner: That in and of itself is a corrective and healing experience.
• 23:26
  Cathi Spooner: So when you are feeling a little lost at recognize the imposter syndrome in your head going on.
• 23:33
  Cathi Spooner: Let it go, lean into relationship, professional relationship with its boundaries, tune in to your client, listen deeply, help them feel felt, heard and understood.
• 23:47
  Cathi Spooner: That will help you through, uh, to facilitate that healing when you're not always sure what's going on.
• 23:57
  Cathi Spooner: I still, 30 years later, I don't always know what's going on.
• 24:01
  Cathi Spooner: Sometimes it takes a little bit of time to figure out what is going on.
• 24:08
  Cathi Spooner: And, that doesn't have to derail the process.
• 24:12
  Cathi Spooner: This is that whole saying that we have in Play Therapy of trust the process.
• 24:17
  Cathi Spooner: Trust the process means build rapport, be fully present in the moment, lean into your theory model as much as possible while you're learning to help you navigate through the change process, and that will help to get you through.
• 24:35
  Cathi Spooner: And making sure you're building rapport with parents.
• 24:39
  Cathi Spooner: That's really, really important.
• 24:41
  Cathi Spooner: So how does this look in a family play therapy session?
• 24:47
  Cathi Spooner: Because I'm a big fan of family play therapy sessions.
• 24:49
  Cathi Spooner: I feel like if you want to know what's going on in the family, Get the parent, at the very least, get the parent and child in there together.
• 24:58
  Cathi Spooner: Um, and I'm going to talk a little bit more about my Attachment Focused Family Play Therapy Model.
• 25:04
  Cathi Spooner: So it uses attachment and neuroscience as the theoretical foundation to guide through each stage of the change process.
• 25:13
  Cathi Spooner: Here's the thing though, when you when you have family members, if they have just parent and child in the session, or maybe you have just siblings in the play therapy session, or maybe you have the whole family in there and you, you are leaning into that therapeutic rapport.
• 25:33
  Cathi Spooner: You can use the play process.
• 25:36
  Cathi Spooner: children love to play.
• 25:38
  Cathi Spooner: They're always going to want to engage in play.
• 25:40
  Cathi Spooner: So if you can, um, Find, you know, different things that will help them engage in the play process.
• 25:48
  Cathi Spooner: Engage.
• 25:49
  Cathi Spooner: in the therapeutic powers of play, helping parents, um, helping them know what their role is in the session, helping them engage playfully with their kids.
• 26:02
  Cathi Spooner: That's, that's how you're building the rapport.
• 26:05
  Cathi Spooner: You're using the play process.
• 26:08
  Cathi Spooner: You're, you're leaning into really get to know and build relationship.
• 26:13
  Cathi Spooner: So the activities that you're choosing are going to focus on that.
• 26:18
  Cathi Spooner: Then even with family play therapy, you can create that safety and security in the therapy sessions.
• 26:30
  Cathi Spooner: I know I, I, I get questions about that a lot.
• 26:32
  Cathi Spooner: Like, why would you want to have everybody in there?
• 26:36
  Cathi Spooner: Because you know, they're all struggling in my mind.
• 26:39
  Cathi Spooner: Why would I, I mean, there are some exceptions and there are ways to go about doing it.
• 26:43
  Cathi Spooner: And I'm, I may structure it in certain ways.
• 26:47
  Cathi Spooner: And why would I not?
• 26:48
  Cathi Spooner: They, their family, they live together.
• 26:51
  Cathi Spooner: They're, why would I not want to help them create relationships that they're going to have for a lifetime together?
• 27:02
  Cathi Spooner: I mean, this is their support network.
• 27:04
  Cathi Spooner: Think about, think about the lasting change you can make when you help them all build those strong relationships and make some shifts in the family system.
• 27:16
  Cathi Spooner: And you can do that different ways and being able to get them in there and build that rapport and build that safety to create that change for the whole family system that has the ability to last a whole lifetime.
• 27:32
  Cathi Spooner: Why would I not want to do that?
• 27:35
  Cathi Spooner: It's easier just to have one person.
• 27:39
  Cathi Spooner: It's easier just to have the client in there, but that doesn't always mean it's going to get the deepest and most lasting change.
• 27:49
  Cathi Spooner: Um, so I'm, I'm also a believer that with family play therapy, you can build rapport with your clients.
• 27:58
  Cathi Spooner: So how do you go about doing that?
• 28:00
  Cathi Spooner: So one, making sure you're letting go of imposter syndrome.
• 28:06
  Cathi Spooner: So one of the, one of the, I would say like foundational ways of building strong rapport as you're being fully present, letting go of imposter syndrome is focusing on congruence.
• 28:22
  Cathi Spooner: Um, so congruence is, is.
• 28:26
  Cathi Spooner: the ability to, um, connect internally what we're also demonstrating externally.
• 28:37
  Cathi Spooner: So that, that ability to tap into unconditional positive regard and empathy because these are the healing ingredients and allow that to externally be demonstrated in my interaction.
• 28:56
  Cathi Spooner: So I have to, this is where that self awareness comes in.
• 29:00
  Cathi Spooner: Am I congruent?
• 29:01
  Cathi Spooner: Oh, something, you know, something happened.
• 29:04
  Cathi Spooner: My, something in me got triggered.
• 29:06
  Cathi Spooner: Wait, is this me or is it my client that I'm picking up on or both of us?
• 29:11
  Cathi Spooner: So what do I need to do to use that information if I need to and get, get back to that unconditional positive regard and empathy in this session doing, um, facilitating my model, however it is that I need to facilitate my model.
• 29:31
  Cathi Spooner: This is true in when you're meeting with parents also really developing that, um, unconditional positive regard and empathy when you're connecting with parents as well.
• 29:44
  Cathi Spooner: And sometimes it takes a little longer to build rapport with parents because their imposter syndrome is on, um, usually on high alert, and they're usually looking for signs that you as a play therapist or judging them, which you probably are not doing.
• 30:04
  Cathi Spooner: And, you know, struggling their children struggling has kind of activated all of their imposter syndrome and feeling like failure most of the time.
• 30:15
  Cathi Spooner: So being able to build that report with parents is really, really important because parents aren't going to make the changes you're asking them to make unless they trust you.
• 30:27
  Cathi Spooner: And in order to trust you, they need to experience unconditional positive regard and empathy from you.
• 30:35
  Cathi Spooner: Now, there's always boundaries around that.
• 30:38
  Cathi Spooner: We are mandated reporters.
• 30:40
  Cathi Spooner: So we we know there are limits.
• 30:43
  Cathi Spooner: There are no we know there are things that even though we can be compassionate and empathetic and we still need to address if it's a safety thing or falls within some of those, um, mandated reporting parameters.
• 31:03
  Cathi Spooner: So, but the, but the important thing is for most of us, the important thing is that we are building rapport with children where using congruence to demonstrate unconditional positive regard and empathy to build trust, to build safety.
• 31:21
  Cathi Spooner: And that's what helps our clients engage in the change process.
• 31:28
  Cathi Spooner: So that is it for today.
• 31:31
  Cathi Spooner: Let me do a quick recap.
• 31:33
  Cathi Spooner: So we talked about why is rapport important.
• 31:38
  Cathi Spooner: Developing that therapeutic rapport is really the glue that keeps your clients in the change process, helps them through all of the stages of change helps parents feel like they can trust you, especially when you're asking them to do hard things and they will stay engaged through all, all of the stages of change in your play therapy model.
• 32:11
  Cathi Spooner: The second thing is being fully present.
• 32:13
  Cathi Spooner: In order to be fully present in the moment so you can be attuned and have that congruence, you have to let go of your imposter syndrome.
• 32:25
  Cathi Spooner: Notice when your imposter syndrome gets activated.
• 32:31
  Cathi Spooner: Make sure you're working on your imposter syndrome.
• 32:35
  Cathi Spooner: It will shut you down and cause you not to be effective.
• 32:39
  Cathi Spooner: None of us are perfect.
• 32:41
  Cathi Spooner: Nobody does it perfect all of the time.
• 32:44
  Cathi Spooner: When you're learning, you're learning.
• 32:47
  Cathi Spooner: It's going to take time to learn how to get through all of the stages and learn how to apply your theory model effectively with your clients with a variety of different kinds of clients coming in with different presenting issues.
• 33:05
  Cathi Spooner: So you want to make sure that you are being fully present in order to do that.
• 33:11
  Cathi Spooner: You have to let go of your imposter syndrome.
• 33:14
  Cathi Spooner: And the final, the final thing we talked about today is congruence.
• 33:19
  Cathi Spooner: So congruence with unconditional positive regard and empathy allows you to be fully present in the session with your clients and create that corrective healing experience for them.
• 33:34
  Cathi Spooner: This also includes congruence when you're working with parents.
• 33:39
  Cathi Spooner: And I would say is play therapist.
• 33:42
  Cathi Spooner: The importance of the work that we do with parents, the importance of the support that we provide to parents is equally as important as the work we do with our child and adolescent clients.
• 33:57
  Cathi Spooner: Because parents need us to support them so they can be that support to their child through the rest of their lives.
• 34:07
  Cathi Spooner: Again, this is one of the reasons I love Attachment Focused Family Play Therapy.
• 34:12
  Cathi Spooner: Getting everybody in the session or at least parent child or different kind of section, um, subsets of the family in there to really create that corrective healing experience and to support parents to be doing this with their, with their kids.
• 34:33
  Cathi Spooner: So that is it for this week.
• 34:35
  Cathi Spooner: I will see you next week.
• 34:37
  Cathi Spooner: next week.
• 34:38
  Cathi Spooner: Bye for now.
• 34:42
  Cathi Spooner: Thank you for joining me on this episode of Next Level Play Therapy.
• 34:47
  Cathi Spooner: I hope you found the discussion valuable and gain new insights and ideas to support your work helping children, adolescents, and families heal.
• 34:56
  Cathi Spooner: If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review.
• 35:01
  Cathi Spooner: Your feedback helps to improve and reach more people who can benefit from this information.
• 35:07
  Cathi Spooner: Remember, Play therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth.
• 35:12
  Cathi Spooner: Whether you're a new play therapist or experienced, I encourage you to continue your learning journey to unlock the potential of play in your own work and relationships.
• 35:23
  Cathi Spooner: If you have any questions or topics, suggestions for future episodes, I'd love to hear from you.
• 35:30
  Cathi Spooner: Connect with me on social media.
• 35:33
  Cathi Spooner: and visit my website at Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training to stay updated on upcoming episodes, trainings, and resources.
• 35:43
  Cathi Spooner: Thank you once again for listening to Next Level Play Therapy.
• 35:46
  Cathi Spooner: Until next time, keep playing, learning, and growing.