Latest / Divas That Care Network / Forgiving Yourself
Transcript
- 0:00SPEAKER_00: It's Divas the Care Radio.
- 0:02SPEAKER_00: Stories, strategies, and ideas to inspire positive change.
- 0:06SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Divas That Care, a network of women committed to making our world a better place for everyone.
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- 0:26SPEAKER_00: Right now, though, stay tuned for another jolt of inspiration.
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- 0:48SPEAKER_03: Well, hello everyone, and welcome back to the Divas That Care.
- 0:51SPEAKER_03: My name is Candice Gish, and this is your very first time tuning into us.
- 0:55SPEAKER_03: A huge welcome.
- 0:56SPEAKER_03: We are now in our 16th year.
- 0:58SPEAKER_03: We are listening to in over 35 countries around the world.
- 1:00SPEAKER_03: And honestly, it's because of all of you.
- 1:03SPEAKER_03: You know, people that have just tuned into us, you know, people that have been sharing our story and our journey, our hosts, our guests, everybody.
- 1:10SPEAKER_03: You know, we're just so honored to be able to continue to do this.
- 1:12SPEAKER_03: Uh, right now we are working on our new mini-series.
- 1:15SPEAKER_03: It's called Collaboration Over Competition.
- 1:18SPEAKER_03: It's a mini-series, and I hope that you go and check that out with all of our other hosts that are going to be interviewing these amazing guests out there.
- 1:25SPEAKER_03: So, this empowering series explores what becomes possible when women stop competing against one another and start building together.
- 1:32SPEAKER_03: We're shifting the focus from comparison and competition to connection, shared purpose and collective success.
- 1:40SPEAKER_03: Because when women support women, celebrate each other's achievements, and share their knowledge and resources, everyone has the opportunity to grow.
- 1:48SPEAKER_03: Through honest conversations, inspiring stories, and practical insights, we'll discover how collaboration creates stronger relationships, opens doors to new opportunities, and multiplies the impact we can make in our communities and beyond.
- 2:02SPEAKER_03: From celebrating another woman's success to building meaningful partnerships, we'll explore how a spirit of generosity and teamwork can transform the way we approach life, business, and leadership.
- 2:13SPEAKER_03: Whether you're an entrepreneur, a community leader, a creative, or a woman working toward your next big goal, this series will remind you that you don't have to do it all alone.
- 2:22SPEAKER_03: Your success doesn't diminish someone else's, and another woman's achievements don't take away from your own potential.
- 2:31SPEAKER_03: So today I'm very excited to be welcoming a brand new diva to our family.
- 2:35SPEAKER_03: Her name is Benedicta Baruch.
- 2:38SPEAKER_03: I am so excited to have you.
- 2:40SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the Divas at Care.
- 2:44SPEAKER_03: Thank you, Candace.
- 2:45SPEAKER_03: I'm so excited to be here.
- 2:47SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh.
- 2:48SPEAKER_03: It is a pleasure to be chatting with you.
- 2:50SPEAKER_03: And I can't wait to get to know you.
- 2:52SPEAKER_03: Would you mind introducing yourself to our listeners today?
- 2:57SPEAKER_02: Yeah, as you mentioned, my name is Benedict Agbaruk, and I'm very passionate about the word of God and how it's influenced my life and people I encounter, especially most divers, and how they're so excited to always talk about Christ.
- 3:15SPEAKER_02: And um, I'm also passionate about seniors and our community and how we try to um let go of things that we cannot change or fix.
- 3:31SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love that.
- 3:34SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna ask you, I know that you are an author.
- 3:38SPEAKER_03: Yes, and you have been writing some amazing, amazing books.
- 3:41SPEAKER_03: I want to ask you before we dive into your books, why you decided to share those stories.
- 3:51SPEAKER_02: So um it's so interesting, and thank you for that question.
- 3:55SPEAKER_02: In 2012, we had a very bad ghastly automobile accident, which um at the time my second child was three years old and she had a traumatic brain injury.
- 4:09SPEAKER_02: So going through her therapies, going to the doctor's office, I encountered so many people.
- 4:18SPEAKER_02: So most of my stories and reason for writing the book came as a result of just listening to people and eventually finding out that I was not alone.
- 4:32SPEAKER_02: People have so much going on with them.
- 4:35SPEAKER_02: And that was what inspired me to try and then get it out there because it seemed like some people felt like maybe no one was listening, I'm all alone.
- 4:46SPEAKER_02: And the common thread I found in was unforgiveness.
- 4:50SPEAKER_02: Either unable to forgive yourself or unable to forgive someone, depending on the circumstances.
- 4:58SPEAKER_03: Wow, that's powerful.
- 4:59SPEAKER_03: That's extremely powerful.
- 5:01SPEAKER_03: And it's it is something that we don't necessarily internalize at that time, do we?
- 5:07SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, no, no.
- 5:10SPEAKER_02: It's um, you know, sometimes you think you've dealt with it until you sit down and you start asking yourself, why did I put myself in this position?
- 5:20SPEAKER_02: Because with me, the question was, why did I even get out at that time, right?
- 5:27SPEAKER_02: Maybe if I had waited a few more minutes, this accident would not have happened.
- 5:37SPEAKER_02: And why should it be my baby going through all this and all these challenges?
- 5:44SPEAKER_02: But in it, then you realize that the Lord has a way of making you find purpose through that pain and unraveling it, and also seeing joy in it because the beauty of it is at the end of the day, however you handle a situation is what will bring you joy.
- 6:09SPEAKER_03: I think that is very powerful because isn't that the truth?
- 6:15SPEAKER_03: You don't know.
- 6:16SPEAKER_03: I I guess I in a way I've always said that God only gives us what we can handle.
- 6:21SPEAKER_03: And when we sometimes I I look back and say, Oh, I don't want to handle anymore.
- 6:28SPEAKER_03: I you know, it's not for me to decide, is it?
- 6:32SPEAKER_03: It's it's not for me to determine what that's gonna be because I realize over reflection over a period of time, what I was given, the challenges I've had to go through is what has led me to where I am today.
- 6:47SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, and you you become it's you know, we always talk about oh, being like Christ, but most of these journeys is our transformation to be like him.
- 6:59SPEAKER_02: You are not just going to get up one day and just be like Christ if you don't go through the transformation, and that also helps you identify your purpose, then you come into the moment of helping each uh other people, and sometimes you just sit back and when someone is complaining and talking, then you smile.
- 7:17SPEAKER_02: Because I I I always tell people this is so easy.
- 7:21SPEAKER_02: Have you given it to Christ?
- 7:23SPEAKER_02: That's the easy way out, but a mindset, so it it takes time.
- 7:30SPEAKER_03: It definitely takes time.
- 7:32SPEAKER_03: How long did it take you to write your your first novel?
- 7:37SPEAKER_02: So when I decided everything was all over the place, I was I was so confused, I didn't know how to bring it together.
- 7:49SPEAKER_02: But then I would say probably it took me about 15 to 18 months to go from writing to publishing, and I had to just take it like one day at a time, jot it down, you know, jot something down and see what stories I wanted to incorporate.
- 8:10SPEAKER_02: And the main reason for my first book, which is already out, the second one will be coming soon, Discovering Grace and Peace Amid Family Regrets were there was a common thread in all this unforgiveness that I was seeing was people were just having so many regrets.
- 8:34SPEAKER_02: And the regret was the result of the unforgiveness.
- 8:41SPEAKER_02: I should have done this, I should have been here, why did I make this decision?
- 8:45SPEAKER_02: Why did this happen?
- 8:47SPEAKER_02: Why you know, and all these whys you can never explain them because I always tell people the decision you make at this moment is as a result of all the information that you have at this moment.
- 9:03SPEAKER_02: Yes.
- 9:05SPEAKER_02: Because if if you don't, you know, you cannot make any decision out of just the bloom.
- 9:14SPEAKER_02: You it was based on some information, and that was the best at that moment for you.
- 9:19SPEAKER_02: So just take it and accept it with grace.
- 9:22SPEAKER_02: If you were wrong, just accept it and move on, but don't be to yourself about it.
- 9:29SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, that is so beautiful because it's true, isn't it?
- 9:32SPEAKER_03: We don't know what the future is, we don't know that, we can't predict that, and there's a lot of blame put on individuals, and I think you're exactly right.
- 9:41SPEAKER_03: We can't predict that we made those decisions based on today.
- 9:45SPEAKER_03: Everything that we've been told, everything we've learned, everything that we've done, but we don't know that.
- 9:50SPEAKER_03: Okay, well, two two days ago or two more, we would have made a different decision.
- 9:55SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, yes, true.
- 9:57SPEAKER_02: Even look at when COVID came.
- 10:00SPEAKER_02: No one knew.
- 10:02SPEAKER_02: Decisions would be made based on the day, right?
- 10:05SPEAKER_02: One day at a time.
- 10:07SPEAKER_02: But today, when we look back, we realize that a lot of decisions could have been done differently.
- 10:15SPEAKER_02: Like it is, and on everything is in retrospect.
- 10:19SPEAKER_02: When you look behind you, then you are like, oh, I should have done it this way.
- 10:24SPEAKER_02: But at that moment, what did you have at your disposal?
- 10:29SPEAKER_03: And that's it.
- 10:31SPEAKER_03: Yep, exactly.
- 10:33SPEAKER_03: So your upcoming book is it a continuation of that?
- 10:37SPEAKER_02: Um, that is solely on how to forgive yourself.
- 10:44SPEAKER_02: Is it just is it's not going to be a continuation, but it's really going to be a book that focuses on why it is very important for you to just forgive yourself and let go so that you can achieve your potential.
- 10:58SPEAKER_02: A lot of people are stuck and not able to move forward and also not able to find their purpose because they're constantly in pain because of certain decisions that they made.
- 11:15SPEAKER_03: Can you give our listeners a little bit about how I'm not saying the entire book, but a little bit about how a person can start the forgiving process?
- 11:25SPEAKER_03: Because that's a huge, like just listening to you're right, you know.
- 11:28SPEAKER_03: I listen to people's stories, and I, you know, you talk to people, and there's there's a lot of hurt and a lot of pain, but they internalize it and they don't know how to let it go.
- 11:38SPEAKER_03: How is your book going to help them through this?
- 11:42SPEAKER_02: So I used most of my personal experiences in that book, unlike the first book where I used uh people's stories.
- 11:52SPEAKER_02: And with me, what I realized, like I told you, I love the Bible.
- 12:00SPEAKER_02: What happened was I didn't know I had bottled up a lot of things and not dealt with them until my mom passed away.
- 12:12SPEAKER_02: Then now it just came like an avalanche.
- 12:17SPEAKER_02: I sat back and I could just remember everything.
- 12:23SPEAKER_02: Things that I should have done, things I shouldn't have done, like you know, not even knowing that my last moments with her and then with family, this person, that.
- 12:33SPEAKER_02: So all I had to do, and I was telling someone that when I heard my mom had passed away, what I said was I just called on the Holy Spirit.
- 12:41SPEAKER_02: I said, fill that void, fill that void, because I knew I couldn't do it alone.
- 12:49SPEAKER_02: So eventually I had to go back to my basics, that was the Bible.
- 12:54SPEAKER_02: And every day I gave it to him.
- 12:57SPEAKER_02: If I remembered anything that hurt me, anything somebody did, I prayed about it.
- 13:02SPEAKER_02: I said, Lord, how are we going to deal with this?
- 13:05SPEAKER_02: How am I going to handle it?
- 13:09SPEAKER_02: So personally, regarding me and also the book, all I do is I redirect people to having a relationship with Christ.
- 13:19SPEAKER_02: Because I feel that that's the strongest foundation for you to really let go and not come off latch it.
- 13:26SPEAKER_02: Because the more unforgiveness that builds up within you, you become a bitter person, especially when you're a woman, you become a bitter woman.
- 13:33SPEAKER_02: It's people cannot even stand you because you cannot stand yourself, so people cannot even stand you, and people cannot even come closer to you.
- 13:42SPEAKER_02: So um, when the book is out and people pick it up, they'll have so many stories.
- 13:49SPEAKER_02: And even growing up with my family, the I grew up in West Africa, Ghana, and how we had um diverse cultures.
- 14:00SPEAKER_02: I grew up in a family where we had African traditional religion, we had Christianity, and then we had Islam.
- 14:08SPEAKER_02: My grandpar was a Muslim.
- 14:12SPEAKER_02: My my my mom was a Christian, and my dad was a Christian, and then my dad's family was also Muslim and traditional religion.
- 14:24SPEAKER_02: Oh wow, yes, yes.
- 14:27SPEAKER_02: So as a kid, you sit down and you have all these, and everybody sits back and they expect to have space in the same area to be able to, you know, be seen with their religion, be so there was always conflict and there was always button hurt, so so much so much pain with things said, things not said, things done, and all that, um, also added up as a kid, seeing all that.
- 15:00SPEAKER_02: But through it all, it's only the Lord who can help you come to that place where you can find that joy and peace.
- 15:07SPEAKER_02: And until you let go, having joy will be very difficult.
- 15:15SPEAKER_03: And I love how you said that.
- 15:17SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, and it's I know this is gonna be a little bit off topic here, but I find a lot more people almost have this awakening lately that they're trying to find that purpose within themselves, but they're finding trying a lot more people that I didn't realize are now turning towards the Bible for inspiration and answers and all of that.
- 15:43SPEAKER_03: And it's it's a wonderful thing to see.
- 15:46SPEAKER_03: And I don't know if it's the time we're living in because of the unpredictability of the things that we have we're seeing.
- 15:52SPEAKER_03: The you know, the internet is a great tool, at the same time, it's a bad tool.
- 15:56SPEAKER_03: We see so much in our we don't we can't take it all in, and I think we're overwhelmed, you know, our minds cannot process it, and we're trying to find that simplicity again, trying to find how we can reconnect with on a more authentic level.
- 16:13SPEAKER_03: Yes, yes, yes.
- 16:14SPEAKER_02: Uh and you know, I always tell people the Bible is simple, it's not complicated.
- 16:22SPEAKER_02: I I remember I was at a conference last week, and someone asked me, um, what do you do to calm yourself?
- 16:31SPEAKER_02: And I said, I read the Bible.
- 16:33SPEAKER_02: And he was surprised.
- 16:34SPEAKER_02: I'm like, yeah.
- 16:36SPEAKER_02: And now we have all the apps on the phone, right?
- 16:39SPEAKER_02: So you just because what else will give you peace than to just pick up the Bible and read a few sentences and just meditate on it.
- 16:54SPEAKER_02: It's simple.
- 16:55SPEAKER_02: You just you just read maybe just one verse and you just sit back and you start thinking about it.
- 17:01SPEAKER_02: You then realize that things that someone even did immediately.
- 17:05SPEAKER_02: I had someone give me the finger in traffic one day.
- 17:09SPEAKER_02: And that was even I won't say it was traffic.
- 17:13SPEAKER_02: I was dropping off my daughter.
- 17:15SPEAKER_02: So our kids go to the same school.
- 17:20SPEAKER_02: Then now I started thinking, I'm like, what did I do?
- 17:23SPEAKER_02: You know, I almost got upset.
- 17:25SPEAKER_02: But all I did in the car was just go to the Bible app and then turn on and have it start reading the Bible for me as I was driving.
- 17:35SPEAKER_03: That's perfect.
- 17:36SPEAKER_02: And I forgot it.
- 17:37SPEAKER_02: I forgot.
- 17:38SPEAKER_02: So it was a week later that my husband was also sharing his experience, and then I remembered and I said, Oh, yeah, can you believe in the kids' school?
- 17:45SPEAKER_02: And he goes, and our kids are in the same school, and I'm like, Yeah, and we know this pressing, and he's like confused.
- 17:53SPEAKER_02: I'm like, Yeah, that that was the same thing.
- 17:55SPEAKER_02: He says, So, how did you deal with it?
- 17:57SPEAKER_02: I said, Truth be told, I forgot till now.
- 18:01SPEAKER_03: You know what?
- 18:02SPEAKER_03: And isn't that the best thing?
- 18:03SPEAKER_03: And I think if more people were to do that, less conflict would happen because they're they just release it, they don't let it control them.
- 18:11SPEAKER_03: And you know, just listening to you, it's like it is so true in the fact that we take in that that thing that's happening in that moment, and it seems to control the rest of our day.
- 18:21SPEAKER_03: And I think had you had that, it would have been ruined the rest of your day.
- 18:25SPEAKER_02: Yes, and every morning I pray, I say, God, take control over the day, align me with the right people you have, you know.
- 18:33SPEAKER_02: So if and you have to know that there's so many people out there who have so much going on that they don't even pay attention.
- 18:41SPEAKER_02: It's possible that this parent had been going through a lot.
- 18:44SPEAKER_02: So the best thing to do was also to aggravate someone else, you know, to get that person into that cycle.
- 18:50SPEAKER_02: But he was a yeah, he wasn't going to have my day.
- 18:57SPEAKER_02: I wasn't going to give it to him.
- 18:59SPEAKER_02: And that's the only person who can have my day is the Holy Spirit.
- 19:05SPEAKER_02: Other than that, I'm not giving my day to anybody, and that's how I've conditioned myself.
- 19:10SPEAKER_03: That's wonderful.
- 19:12SPEAKER_03: And you're sharing that with others, you know.
- 19:14SPEAKER_03: You are that that person that people can look at for inspiration.
- 19:20SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
- 19:21SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I try, but uh people find it so hard because we have been taught, and even in my second book, it's how we've been taught to live our lives, right?
- 19:32SPEAKER_02: So there's a paragraph talking about how people find it hard to even accept that Christ died on the cross and paid it all.
- 19:42SPEAKER_02: He did the work, but we've been taught this.
- 19:45SPEAKER_02: This is an analogy I used in the book.
- 19:48SPEAKER_02: We go in for a loan, right?
- 19:51SPEAKER_02: And we have to pay our mortgage, and until we have paid for it, before we get our deed, right?
- 20:00SPEAKER_02: So by getting your deed, it means that you really worked hard and you paid for it.
- 20:04SPEAKER_02: But going to the cross, you did nothing.
- 20:09SPEAKER_02: And I've had people tell me that this is just too simple to believe that Christ doesn't expect anything from me, and why would he die just for me, just for free?
- 20:23SPEAKER_02: But people fail to realize that we are all vessels here, and the reason why we are here is to serve the body of Christ, to make it whole.
- 20:33SPEAKER_02: And until we see that, we'll not find joy, and until we realize that that was Christ's way of perfecting everything for us to come and die for us, we will not be able to totally accept what he did and let go.
- 20:54SPEAKER_03: Yes, yes, so much.
- 20:57SPEAKER_03: Oh no, this has been so much fun.
- 20:59SPEAKER_03: I think that you and I have definitely gotta start talking a little bit more here.
- 21:04SPEAKER_03: Um, how can our listeners get a hold of your book?
- 21:08SPEAKER_03: Is it out right now?
- 21:09SPEAKER_03: Can they go and purchase it or can they pre-order it?
- 21:13SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the first one is already out on Amazon.
- 21:16SPEAKER_02: It came out in April, and that's um Discovering Grace and Peace Amid Family Regrets, which is um Benedicta Gbarucki.
- 21:27SPEAKER_02: Immediately they type it in, they're going to see it.
- 21:29SPEAKER_02: And the second one is still in publishing.
- 21:33SPEAKER_02: So when it comes out, how do you forgive yourself as a Christian?
- 21:40SPEAKER_03: Thanks.
- 21:40SPEAKER_03: And what so all our listeners, we are going to be posting uh Benedicta's uh information, all her social media, so that you can go and check her out.
- 21:50SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, this has been so much fun.
- 21:51SPEAKER_03: I one last question I do want to ask you is do you have any last-minute tips, tools, or anything else you'd love to share with our listeners today?
- 22:00SPEAKER_03: Yes.
- 22:01SPEAKER_02: What I want to tell them is wherever you are, someone has been there, someone has paid the price.
- 22:08SPEAKER_02: People have done it, so you don't have to do it alone.
- 22:13SPEAKER_02: And the reason why we are all here is to serve Christ and serve humanity.
- 22:20SPEAKER_02: So you need to find that person who say a mentor that the Lord has assigned for you to help and guide you through whatever you're going through, because you don't have to walk this alone.
- 22:36SPEAKER_02: And if you really cannot find that person, please just pick up your Bible.
- 22:41SPEAKER_02: Just pick up your Bible and just say, Lord, guide me, Lord help me.
- 22:46SPEAKER_02: Where do I start?
- 22:47SPEAKER_02: Where do I do?
- 22:48SPEAKER_02: And now, you know, we have so much, like with AI and everything, anything you're going through, you can just type it in, and then you get a verse that can help you and give you that peace because it's only Christ who can give you the peace that surpasses all understanding.
- 23:07SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
- 23:08SPEAKER_02: That's it.
- 23:09SPEAKER_03: Oh, thank you so much.
- 23:11SPEAKER_03: It has been a pleasure chatting with you today.
- 23:15SPEAKER_01: Thank you, thank you, Candace.
- 23:17SPEAKER_01: I'm so excited to have been here.
- 23:20SPEAKER_03: Oh, and as I said, we will definitely have you back on in the future.
- 23:24SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
- 23:25SPEAKER_03: And to all of our listeners, wasn't this amazing?
- 23:28SPEAKER_03: Today we had the opportunity to celebrate an amazing woman and her power and and her books that are coming up.
- 23:35SPEAKER_03: It's just, I'm just so overwhelmed and it's wonderful because I love these conversations and these inspiring stories because they really impact so many people.
- 23:43SPEAKER_03: And I know that they're impacting today, just listening to her, because I think a lot of you probably had those that little chill on your your arms, you know, when you you kind of have this really good feeling.
- 23:54SPEAKER_03: So thank you so much to the amazing Benedicta.
- 23:56SPEAKER_03: I'm just so happy that she took the time to chat with you guys and just to listen to chat with me, I should say, and so that you can listen to her amazing story.
- 24:05SPEAKER_03: I also want to remind you guys too, like I will be posting all of her social media, but check out all the other podcasts in this mini-series because they're very inspired, inspirational.
- 24:15SPEAKER_03: Um, these women and there's men that are doing some amazing things to make the world a better place.
- 24:22SPEAKER_03: Um, and I also want you guys to remember, too, to do something fine.
- 24:25SPEAKER_03: The world needs a little bit of kindness today.
- 24:27SPEAKER_03: There's so much going on.
- 24:29SPEAKER_03: I know that you guys are all overwhelmed.
- 24:31SPEAKER_03: And if you just take a moment to you know, even say hi to somebody or to see how somebody's doing, or, you know, just to help them out.
- 24:39SPEAKER_03: I think it would help so much.
- 24:42SPEAKER_03: Uh, until next time, everyone, have a beautiful day.
- 24:46SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.
- 24:47SPEAKER_00: This show was brought to you by Divas That Care.
- 24:50SPEAKER_00: Connect with us on Facebook, on Instagram, and of course on divas that care.com, where you can subscribe to our newsletter so you don't miss a thing.