Latest / The Trauma Therapist / It’s Not What You Think. It’s How You Think with Amanda Anderson

Transcript

It’s Not What You Think. It’s How You Think with Amanda Anderson · The Trauma Therapist

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Trauma Therapists podcast. My name is gimickperson
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: I interview incredible people who've dedicated their lives to helping
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: those who've been impacted by trauma. A big thank you
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: to our sponsors and our guests who are supporting this show.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: So five four, three, two and one our folks, welcome
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: back to the podcast. Very excited to have as my
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: guest today. Amanda Anderson. Amanda, welcome, Thank you very much. Awesome.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Amanda is a speaker and resilience teacher who draws on
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: her lived experience with trauma, loss, and adversity to help
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: others rebuild meaning and strength. Having endured family deaths, stroke, divorce,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: and frontline trauma that rewired her nervous system, Amanda brings
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: more than seventeen years of work NLP, resilience and real
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: world mental health to her talks and coaching. She shows
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: people how to take what's broken in their lives and
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  Speaker 1: transform it into something fierce and true, focusing on depth, honesty,
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: and practical insight. All right, Amanda, Before we get we
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: share with our listeners where you're from originally and where
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: you are.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Currently as in location wise, Oh we are Yeah, okay, so.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: I got planetary.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Well no, well, I actually okay, I was My parents
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: lived in Nigeria when my mother was pregnant with me.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: But because we were in Nigeria and they found out
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: I had the cord around my neck six times, so
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: I couldn't be born in Nigeria, so they flew to England,
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: which meant that I was born in England. But then
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: we flew back to Nigeria, and I spent the first
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: ten years of my life growing up in Nigeria. Then
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: there was a coup in our street and so we
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: had to leave Nigeria, which then meant we flew back
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: to England, which is where a lot of my immediate
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: family are. And then we flew to Australia when I
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: was about fifteen, and I have since resided in sid
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: in Australia since then.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: So you said you had the cord wrapped around your
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: neck and then they had to fly you to where
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: was it? Australia?
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: No, to England while.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: The cord was well, wait a minute, so when were
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: the cord wrapped around your neck?
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: When I was in the womb, the cord was wrapped
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: around my neck so they could tell again they could
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: tell that it was a dangerous birth. So then they
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: flew my mother to England and then she went into
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: labor and I came out. The more that I came out,
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: the more it pulls the cord, which was why it
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: was sort of life threatening. So we were lucky that
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: we went to England.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Okay, well that seems like a whole other topic for
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: a past life or.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: Is that I started as I meant to continue.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, all right, So look, I know a lot,
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: you've experienced a lot. I'm going to ask you this,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: and we're gonna we're gonna, because we don't have a
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: lot of time, we're gonna I'm gonna help you move
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: through this. But how did all this start for you? Well,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: I guess you just answered that question. But after that,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: how did it start?
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: It started at birth? Now look what then happened so
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: to Actually that's a really good segue, because we moved
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: back to England. As I said, when you know, when
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: the coup happened in Africa and we lived there for
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: a little while, and then we moved to Australia. And
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: when we moved to Australia, my eldest brother, who was
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: about sort of sixteen seventeen. At the time, he had
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: obviously been at school in Africa with us, and so
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: when we moved to England, he was quite behind the
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: academic year, and so it was recommended that he, you know,
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: spend an extra year, you know, or like go down
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: a year in the English schooling system and go to
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: boarding school because there was a level of intensity that
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: comes with boarding school, you know, immersion, and so he
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: would learn quicker et cetera, et cetera. So he was
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: in boarding school in England and my father got a
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: job in Australia, and so we moved to Australia with
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: the plan that my brother would finish his six weeks
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: that he had left at school in England with all
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: of our extended family were there anyway, and he would
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: then come to Australia six weeks later. Unfortunately, we got
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: a phone call when we were living in Australia to
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: say that he had been in an altercation the night before.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: He had gone to a party on the weekend. So
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  Speaker 2: seventeen year old's gone to a party, you know that
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: he was invited to. When he was at the party there,
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: you know, there was like a like a house master
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: or you know, like the father of the house was
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: there and around midnight and the group were getting a
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: little rowdy, and my brother happened to be standing next
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  Speaker 2: to the stereo and he said to my brother, oh, hey,
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  Speaker 2: you know, would you mind turning the stereo down because
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: everyone's getting a bit excited. And he was quite well mannered,
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: and he said, oh, yes, sir, no problem, sir, and
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: he turned the music down. But what that did it
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: flagged to the other people who were in the party,
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: who were of a lower socioeconomic status. They then started
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: sort of harassing him and saying, oh, you come here,
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: you think you're better than us, et cetera, et cetera.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: So an altercation ensued, and the same sort of father
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: of the house had said, listen, if you're going to fight,
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: you can leave, so they let it go. But when
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: my brother and his friend were walking home, these three boys,
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: I say boys, but they were twenty one years old,
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: they jumped him and his friend, and the friend was
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: found unconscious under the car under a car the next
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: day with both of his kneecaps on the other sides
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: of his legs. And in hindsight, we found out that ultimately,
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: you know, my dad had been a boxer in his
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: youth and he'd taught my you know, he taught his
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: son to fight and box and whatever. But what that
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  Speaker 2: meant was that my brother then fought back, which then
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: meant he had three people all on him. He fell
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: to the floor. They were kicking him in the head
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: and so ultimately he his brain. He had a brain hemdrhage.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I mean, so there's a longer story with
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: more details, but that's essentially how it all started. So
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: he never made it. He had six weeks to go
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: to come to Australia and he didn't get here.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Is he a liable? No? He passed as a result
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: of that.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my god.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I'm so sorry to hear that. That's horrific.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: So what happens to you? How does the falls for you?
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: So it's it's I always say it's funny, but it's
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: not funny at all. I think that. So what happened
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: was my parents were in Australia and they got the
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: phone call saying, you know, this is he's in hospital.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: Like so he went to hospital. Originally he's in hospital.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: This is what happened. My dad immediately was like, right,
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: I'm getting on a plane. I'm coming over. The doctor,
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: the neurosurgeon at the time, actually said to my dad
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: and I mean, you've got to remember this is sort
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: of you know, early eighties, mid eighties or something, said
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: to him, Listen, if you want to if you want
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: a son who is going to be a little woofs,
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: you know, then sure, get on the plane. But he's fine.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: He's got a cauliflower here, there's nothing wrong with him.
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  Speaker 2: Let him grow up and be a man. And da
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: da da, da dada, and made my dad then kind
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: of think, oh, well, maybe you know, maybe I'm being
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: over protective, maybe I don't need to fly all the
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: way from Australia to England, and made him second guess himself,
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: which unfortunately that period of doubt because my dad did
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: end up saying no, I'm coming. But it's sort of
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: those few hours where he was tossing and turning about
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: whether it's still come. That cauliflowery progressed into the hemorrhage
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: and then my brother died. So what ended up happening
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: was we got the phone call saying no, it's too late,
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  Speaker 2: he's passed. But no one told us as kids because
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: there was all this flurry. You know, they were all
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: talking about it to each other, but no one had
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: actually told us. So I think what then happened is
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: that I learned to observe. I learned to stay in
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: the background and be quiet and not get in the way.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: I think I also, I mean, I saw the grief unravel,
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: you know, in front of me in real time, and
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: I think I just took it upon myself to be,
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: you know, the easy kid and play little and kind
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: of hold my breath and just wait and see what unfolded.
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  Speaker 2: And you know, my dad, he shut down emotionally completely,
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  Speaker 2: and I think that also role modeled to me. You know,
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: you just suck it up and you get on with
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: life and you don't talk about it and you push through.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: So yes, you at this point.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: So I was about ten when he passed.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Okay, so let's jump a jump ahead here. What did
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: high school look like for you?
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  Speaker 2: High school I was very much the I mean look
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: high school even to young adulthood. I was very extroverted,
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: very you know, the star of the show. But it
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: was all a mask. I would call my mum every
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: single day crying, saying come get me, and my mum
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: would go to the you didn't teach her, you know,
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: parent teacher nights and say, listen, my daughter is miserably unhappy.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: She's crying all the time, you know, da da da.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: And they were like, who's your daughter, and she'd say, oh, Amanda,
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: and they'd be like, oh, my god, no, she's living
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: her best life. So high school and young adulthood was
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: very much. You know, I have a protective shell around me.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: I've been through a lot. I also had a sister
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: at the time, So after my brother died, I had
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: a sister that was born with cystic fibrosis. So I
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: had another sibling at home who was now terminally ill,
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: and you know, receiving medication and having you know, eight
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: tablets with every meal and physio and hospital visits and
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: all that kind of stuff. And so I think I
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: just put out to the world that no one was
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: getting in here. There was too much going on behind
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: the scenes internally that I couldn't handle anything externally. So
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: I just put her a front.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: So as a defense mechanism, as a coping mechanism as
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: things unfolded. How else did you manage what was going
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: on with you?
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: So I so as a young child. I actually I
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: gave myself when I was about fifteen. I got those
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: little Avon lipsticks, which shows how old I am. They
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: were tiny, little sample lipsticks that women used to bring
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: to your door to try and sell you Avon, and
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: they were little sample lipsticks. And I put all these
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: tiny little scratches all over my body and rubbed this
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: lipstick in and when someone would press it, I would scream.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: So I was pretending that I had a disease, so
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: much so that I ended up in hospital and I
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: had students fly in to take photos of this disease,
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: and they presumed that it was a lymphatic response from
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: when I lived in Africa, that now that I had
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: become a teenager, had with all the hormones, had, you know,
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: was no longer dormant. Now obviously that's not the right
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: thing to do, but I was fifteen, and in my world,
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: you didn't get attention unless you were hospitalized, you know
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: what I mean, Like you don't get a stomach ache,
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: you get a disease. And so obviously that then unraveled
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: when they realized that I know I had done it
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: to myself, because then that brings up all the trauma
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: and the psychological.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Part of it. So let's jump ahead to during college
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: or university time. Did you go to university?
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: I did?
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, what were you studying?
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: I did psychology at university.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: Okay. And how are you managing? How are you getting
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: along at that point in your life?
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Fine, this is the thing. This is actually the thing.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: I think that up until realistically the last maybe decade,
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: I was fine. I just pushed through. I almost wrote
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: learned the stories around my trauma, you know, like, so
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: what's happened to you? Well, this happened, that happened, And
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: it was like I was telling someone, you know, like
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: I went down to the shops and I bought chocolate,
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: and then I went and bought some milk. And I
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: would do the same thing with my trauma because A
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: I was so used to having so much of it,
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: because there's more stories we've obviously discussed. I was so
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: used to having it all. But also now I realize
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: I was scared to death of life. Life had proven
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: to me that it was not safe and that in
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: a moment, you could get a phone call and it
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: was done.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: And so I let me stop you for a second.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: So you've had so much stuff trauma. We haven't even
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: talked about many of it, but obviously that does something
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: to our nervous system. Absolutely, you said you were able
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: to just rattle it up. This happened, happened this, But
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: how was it impacting your you? How is it impacting
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: your nervous system at that age? Well, let's see in
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: a university.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: Look, I was hyper vigilant, for sure. I was okay,
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: just bracing. I was constantly bracing, I was constantly waiting.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: I knew, you know, I'm very good at calibrating people,
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: you know, And I think that's part of it. I
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: see things.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Like checking people out.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I see changes in body language. I see skin
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: tune color change when nobody else can. I can see,
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: you know, little like breathing patterns. I'm like, okay, swallowing,
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: like I notice everything. And I think also I noticed,
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: you know, like I'll hear a click and I'll be like,
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: what's that? You know, Like I'm on I am on
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: twenty four to seven.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: Were you on medication at all? No?
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: I never took Were you.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Doing any substances.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: Well as a you know, as a young adult teenager occasionally?
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm we're talking about uni and then we're going
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: to get posts that had you signed any help? No, okay,
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: so how do things unfold after that? After college? And
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: we're going to segue into what you're doing now professionally.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: But I was very lucky because my mother, she became
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: a NLP Master practitioner around the similar time, like as
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: I was growing into a young adult. And so I
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: think by inference, the things that she was learning helped me.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: They helped me sort of go, oh, okay, maybe you know,
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: maybe I will think about it in that way. And
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: so really she was a great role model in many ways.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: I mean both my parents were great role models in
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: different ways. But I think I learned through her subliminally
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: a bit about NLP. And then I did my psychology
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: and at the end of my psychology, I thought, actually,
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: although I like psychology, it didn't feel like it was
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: my lane. And so I went and I did my
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: master's in NLP as well, And so.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: About NLP, what about it? Yeah? That got you?
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: My main thing? Well, so what got me was a
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: it felt actionable. You know, I felt like with psychology
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: there was a lot of theory and a lot of understanding,
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: but not change, not actionable change. Whereas NLP, I felt
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: like you could do a technique, and from the five
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: minutes before the technique to the five minutes after the technique,
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: you were a different entity. And the main thing that
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: I liked about NLP is that it was about how
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: you think, not what you think you know, and so
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: relating that to my life, it was like, Okay, well,
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: I can't change what happened to me, ever, but I
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: can change how I think about it, you know.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: So now, for our listeners, NLP is what.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: What neurolinguistic programming? Ultimately it talks about, you know, how
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: your brain works, and then how you can use language
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: and perspective and thoughts to control how you feel and
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: therefore how you act.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: So what that point, Amanda, did you say yourself, I
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: want to start my own thing. I want to start
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: helping people. What was the impetus for that? How did
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: that come about?
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: So I I had a motorbike accident. When how old
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: was I? Gosh, twenty twenty four to twenty seven, I
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: can't remember exactly. It's a long time ago. I had
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: a motorbike accident and I broke my pelvis and I
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: lost my job because I couldn't work for six months.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: You know, I couldn't move for six months. So what
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: that did for me was made me realize how important
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: the body was. I had already done the NLP Master Practitioner,
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: so I knew how important the mind was. So now
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: I had the full picture. And when I recovered, I
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: decided to become a personal trainer with NLP as a
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: sort of support, you know, helping people in holistically. So
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: that happened, and then I think I just I loved NLP,
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: so I did, you know, some clients for a couple
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: of years, and then that kind of you know, like it.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: I liked it, but it didn't gel quite as much
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: as I thought it would. And so I've sort of
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: throughout my career like I started back in maybe two
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: thousand and seven, where you know, I started doing NLP
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: with clients, and then I sort of transferred it through
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: role to role to role, and it was only actually
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: in the last I don't know, two years where I realized, actually,
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: I've figured out the way that I want to help people.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: And it's not coaching, it's not programs, it's not all
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: of those things. It's talking about this stuff. It's being
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: on stages. You know, writing articles, doing interviews and just
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: sharing you know, my experience and how I got through
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: it and showing people that no matter what happens to you,
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: there is another side. You can get to the other side,
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: you know, at some point.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: Okay, so that's very interesting. So let's get specific here.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: How did you quote unquote get through the tragedy of
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: your early life? How using NLP? What were you doing?
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: What were you saying to yourself? What did you do? So?
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: I think the first thing is like I think the
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: first thing is self awareness and pattern recognition. I started
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: to realize that I was actually playing small and that
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: I was fearful of life, and I was hypervigilant, I
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: was codependent, I was a people pleaser, I was all
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: all of the things that you know enabled me to
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: get through life. And I think by being self aware
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: and you know, reading books and sitting down and I
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: love My favorite thing in life is a cup of
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: hot chocolate, a blanket, a pen, and a paper, and
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: I literally go, you know, why do I feel upset
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: by this? Write the answer? Okay, so what does that mean?
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: Write the answer? Why does that upset me? Write the answer?
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: And I just I psychoanalyzed myself, and I think that,
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: you know, by doing that, it made me realize that
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: all these things that I had put in place to
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: protect me was actually self abandoning. You know, I was
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: giving up who I was in fear of what was coming,
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: and so I had to in many ways become like
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: deal with that fear and become more courageous and sit
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: there and think, Okay, I am fearful. To this day,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: I still think the phone will ring and something will
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: go wrong, but I now know I have made it
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: through every single thing that I have faced, even the
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: times where I really didn't think I was going to
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: make it through, I made it through. And so I
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: now have that self faith that Okay, whatever happens, I
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: will make it through. So I think that self awareness,
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: that pattern recognition is the first part. I think the
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: second part is processing and going through those feelings. So
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: you know, I do a lot of rage journaling, which
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: is literally where I don't even look at the page.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: I close my eyes. I have a pen and a
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: paper and I write anything that comes out. And it
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: could be something as simple as oh my god, you
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: know that woman that crossed the road in front of
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: my car and made me like ten seconds late, you know,
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: whatever it is, and I just urge everything out of
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: my body, you know. And it's surprising how much you
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: know you actually hold without even knowing you hold it,
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: you know. I looked at limiting beliefs and I really
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: went through like, okay, well why have I learned this?
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: And is that actually true? And then I started sort
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: of ref framing, you know how I think about things
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: like I have a great example if you're if we've
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: got the time people to share it. One of my
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: children was diagnosed with a personality disorder, and when that happened,
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: the family dynamic fell apart right and everyone was very
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: upset because it was not like, you know, a moment
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: in time. It was a long term. It was going
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: to affect my child for quite some time and for
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: their whole lives. And my husband, rightly so, and being
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: a sensitive soul and everything, he just fell apart. He
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: couldn't manage the information. And I was okay, but genuinely okay.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: I had moments I cried in the shower, like I
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: definitely felt my feelings. I wasn't ignoring it, but ultimately
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: I was okay. And he said to me, you know,
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: because he was a bit angry that he was on
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: you know, he was on this journey by himself, and
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: he said like, why are you okay? Like why am
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: I falling up? And you're okay? And I said to him,
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: and this is that NLP reframing moment. I said to him, Look,
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: you know, he was seeing this diagnosis as he was
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: sort of catastrophizing, like what did we do? Did we
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: give it to them? How are they going to get
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: through life? What happens if this? And you know, all
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: of those moments, whereas I was looking at it, going,
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: do you know what, I didn't give it to them.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: I can't take away front. So I can't take it away.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: It's like leukemia, right, it's just something you have. I
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: can support you, I can help you manage it, but
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: you know, and so I didn't spiral. And I think
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: what that showed me was that being able to manage
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: how you think about a crisis or a trauma or
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: whatever can actually you know, ground you and send to
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: you well enough that you can actually help you know,
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: you're not managing your own issues, You're able to you know,
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: do something with that. And so that's they're ultimately the
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: ways that I have processed my trauma, and a big
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: one is reframing situations and managing my thinking, you know,
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: and catching myself. You know.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: So you said that you had some experience working with people,
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: but that really wasn't I didn't ignite you as much
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: as talking about an LP and sharing your own story. Yeah,
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: that's why was that?
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: I think? Because so, I I mean, I've had multiple roles,
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: like in addition to having the NLP clients since then.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm a mental health ambassador, I'm a crisis responder,
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: and I work with you know, domestic violent victim, you know,
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: Like I do all of that stuff, and I enjoy
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: it and I like being there for people. But I
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: think what I love is the authenticity that comes with
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: someone vulnerably sharing their innermost world that resonates with someone
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: else who's going through it at that time, you know.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: And I think I've created programs, I've you know, been
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: on the other end of the phone for people and
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: you know, helped them through it, and that has that
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: has its benefits and it's great and it's you know,
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: serves a purpose and I'm not discounting it at all.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: But the thing for me is when I mean everyone's
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: had it. You listen to a podcast, you watch your documentary,
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: you see a TV show, whatever it is, someone says
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: something and it just hits you in the heart and
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: you think, oh my god, Yes, that is the moment. Like,
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: that's what I want. I want people to hear something
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: I've said and go, holy shit, she's talking to me,
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: you know, and and gets something from that one moment.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: That's what. That's why I like, you know, talking to people,
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: whether it be podcast panels, interviews, whatever, you know, I
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: just want to share what happened because I think as well,
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: you know, a lot of people, in my experience, a
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: lot of people tend to have like one lane of trauma.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: You know, it's either relational trauma or it's grief or whatever.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: And so when you talk about your trauma, a lot
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: of people will think, yes, but you don't know what
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: I've been through because you're talking about grief and I'm
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: dealing with domestic violence. And I think the good thing
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: for me is that I've actually been through a lot
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: of the different types of trauma. Not to say, oh,
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: I'm an expert in everything, but I've experienced parts of
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: each type and this sort of reframing component has got
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: me through every single one. So I do feel like
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: something I say to someone will resonate and then they'll
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: walk away and go right now, I know how to
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: at least start to tackle this.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: I love that, and it really speaks to what I'm
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: trying to do with my podcast, Amanda as well, because
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: I completely agree with what you're saying that it's when
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: we hear someone who is being vulnerable, which in and
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: of itself is so friggin hard for a lot of
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: us to do. When we hear that, and whether it's
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: on a podcast or whatever, and there's something like you said,
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: clicks with us, so many things can happen in that moment.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: You know. It can give us the strength to open
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: up for ourselves, the strength to look into ourselves, to
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: start becoming self aware. It's very powerful what you're saying.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: I love that. So as we kind of wind down here,
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: how are you working? What do you do right now?
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: So? I actually have multiple jobs. So I work for
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: Lactan and Provence, the French skin care company, as their
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: mental health ambassador, and you know, create programs and dealing
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: on the ground. So I don't know, I'm pretty sure
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: America would have heard we had a stabbing at Bondai
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: Westfield and then obviously the shooting recently at Bondai as well.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: So I'm the crisis responder that helps staff and get
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: through that. But also, you know, guide's leadership on how
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: to deal with those kind of scenarios and you know,
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: what to communicate, what not to communicate, things like that.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: You know, we've had a few suicides things like that,
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: so I help with that. And then on top of that, separately,
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: I also work for a not for profit called Four
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: Voices Global, and they deal with domestic violence and homelessness
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: and women and children, and so I do that. But
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: my real passion, as I've already said, is this. You know,
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: my spare time is built with speaking gigs. I'm writing
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: while I'm trying to write a book. I don't have
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: a lot of time, but I you know, write articles, books,
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: do interviews, panels, webinars, just talking to people. So yeah,
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: it's a busy life.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: Who would say two, the therapists who are listening to this,
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: who are maybe wondering how they can utilize certain aspects
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: of an LP in terms of guiding their clients to
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: reframe certain things hmm. I mean because it's easy to say, well,
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: let's just reframe that.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: Oh absolutely, yeah, but.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: Not that easy, right, I mean, I.
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: Think what it is is so obviously there's the techniques
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: where you know, you need to build rapport first, you
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: need to validate their experience. You don't want to say, look,
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: you know, I know that you just had a stroke,
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: but hey, you'll be fine. You know, we'll get over it.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: In ten years, we won't even think about this. So
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: I do understand, right, there's not a sort of magic
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: key to reframe. But I think what you can do.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: I think firstly, you know, you build rapport, you validate,
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: you acknowledge the experience that they've had, and then it's
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: baby steps, you know, it's making them sort of go, okay,
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: was it the worst thing that happened to me? You know? Okay,
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: well maybe yeah it was the worst thing. Could things
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: have been worse? Well, yeah, they could have been worse.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: So maybe you know, is there one percent that was
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: not an absolute you know car crash? Yes, okay, there
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: was one percent, And you just sort of grow from there,
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: and then I think in time you can start to
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: I think firstly, reframing helps you see things for what
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: they are, no worse and no better, but at least
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: what they are. And I think a lot of people,
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: when they, you know, think about the things that have
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: happened to them, they do only focus on all the
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: bad and so it does seem, you know, a lot
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: worse than maybe it actually was. And so I think
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: the reframing gives you an avenue to at the very
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: least see it for what it is, not necessarily what
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: it was, like how bad it could be. And then
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: I think, yeah, you just slowly grow and they start
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: to kind of kind of go, okay, well, there were
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: positives that came out of that, you know, in the
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: long run, and I can choose to focus on those
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: positives and build upon that and grow, or I can
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: live back there, you know, and bring that all that
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: crap with me.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I love that slowing things down looking at what is,
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: because when we're in the moment, a lot of times
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: we don't we're not doing that, we're not thinking rationally.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: That's right, really helpful, All right, Amanda, so inspiring. You
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: are a force of nature. I can just tell seriously,
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: you've you've got this energy going on here. How do
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: people how do people learn more about you.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: So I'm quite prolific on LinkedIn, so if you want to,
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: you know, engage regularly, I'm definitely on LinkedIn, and then
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: my other so Amanda Anderson on LinkedIn. And then my
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: other option would be through my website which is www.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: Dot Amanda dash small dash Anderson dot com dot au.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: Okay, we'll have that linked up here at the show
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: notes page at the Trauma Therapist Podcast dot com. Amanda,
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: thank you so much, love to have you back, loved
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: your loved your vulnerability.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: Appreciate you, Thank you. I really enjoyed it. But thank
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: you very much.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: Think care, We'll be in touch.