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The Biggest Limiting Belief About Spending · Cash Confident with Brie Sodano

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Cash Confident podcast.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I'm Brie Sedano, your fearless host, personal finance expert and the visionary behind the revolutionary Cash Confident community.
• 0:10
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• 0:22
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• 0:32
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• 1:02
  Speaker 1: So buckle up, my fierce and ambitious friends, as we embark on this transformative journey to becoming Cash Confident together.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Oh, hello, hello, everyone.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Today we are darkening out the biggest limiting belief that there is on the topic of spending.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm a little excited to talk about this.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I'm always excited when I get to do a new podcast for you all.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: All right, well, let's just get into it.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: So one of the biggest limiting beliefs that there is out there about spending money is that you need to need something to be able to buy it or to be able to feel good about buying it.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: And a lot of times I see this perpetuated, with people talking to their even to their kids about needs and wants.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: First things first.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: We always want to spend our money to take care of our needs before we take care of our wants, and the reason that we want to do that mostly is that it's responsible and also it creates a feeling of safety.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: If you take care of the things that you want before you take care of the things that you need, you will not trust yourself with money and your relationship with money will just feel very unsafe and very stressful.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: And so, as I get into this discussion today, I just want to start with that so that way nobody gets the wrong idea that where I'm going with this is irresponsible spending, because it's just not so.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: The belief, yeah, is that you need to need something to be able to buy it, and here's how this idea is a limitation and here's how it's damaging.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: First thing is, there becomes a judgment that says, all right, I spend money on things that I need, it's okay.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: But if I spend money on things that I want, that it's frivolous or somehow that it's not okay.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Right, it's a bad idea.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: And what this does is it means that, in order for us to be on the right side of our own judgment, we need to put everything that we buy through a process of turning things like wants into needs.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: And here's how it happens.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: So let's just imagine for a second that I already have a winter coat let's just say it's a fine winter coat, you know, and I also want a new winter coat.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Now, I don't need a winter coat, I just want a winter coat.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: So what I may do is turn that want into a need.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: And what I?
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: How I would do that is I would start by degrading the coat that I have and I would say something like well, this coat is old, you know the sleeves, I can't get them all the way clean.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: It's just not right anymore, it's out of fashion, whatever else.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: So I would degrade what I had to start to justify this need, right, this new coat need, and from there, what will end up happening as I do, that is, I will start to feel some kind of way about wearing that coat.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: I will start to feel less than.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: I will start to feel a sense of lack.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: I'll start to fill beneath my standards.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Now, before I wanted the coat, you know, the new coat, the old coat was fine.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: But after I wanted that new coat and I started to degrade, you know, devalue the coat that I have, I'm going to start to feel some kind of way about it, and this allows me to justify the new coat purchase.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Now, justification is always going to show you where you're on the wrong side of your own judgment.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: If you're justifying something, it's because you are judging yourself and you're on the wrong side of that judgment, so you're justifying it to make it okay for yourself, and so justification is a tremendous waste of energy, all of that energy that you put into degrading the coat and feeling less than and justifying the coat.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: It's so funny when I go out into the world, people justify their spending to me all the time, and that's just because I'm me, I'm the money lady, so people just tell me things to justify their spending, even though they're not my clients and I didn't ask.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: It's okay, it's okay, it's just a funny thing about me and you, and so that that's the first part, right, but on an energetic level, unlike that vibrational level, as I took a perfectly fine coat, you know, and then I turned that coat into lack.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Now, when you're lacking something, when you get it, you bring yourself back up to normal.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Right, that's cool.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: The thing is is, when it comes to spending money on upgrades, if we turn them into a need before we do it, then we just get back to normal, we just get back to homeostasis and we never get that luxury feeling, that upgrade feeling.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: So for, let's just say, it takes me a month to buy the new coat.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: I'm saving for it or whatever.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Now, every time I go to wear that coat, I'm going to be in lack, I'm going to move myself into scarcity, I'm going to make this coat situation feel to me less than Right.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to have to go out into the world wearing a literal jacket of scarcity on my body and that really impacts how we feel about things, that impacts how we show up in the world, and then, once I buy the new coat, I'm going to just I'm like I'm not going to get that upgrade feeling because all I did was get back to normal, because I put it into lack and that kind of ruins the satisfaction and like the luxury of it and really speeds up the hedonic adaptation.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: So if you're not familiar with the term hedonic adaptation, it's just that it basically, once we have something new, it starts to become normal and we generally cannot appreciate something for too too long.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Like once we have something new, we love it for a while and then the hedonic adaptation kicks in and then we're on to something else.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: We want something else new and that's fine.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: That's just part of being a human.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with that.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with you if you feel that way.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: But the sense of satisfaction that comes in having something new and feeling luxury and feeling abundant and beautiful and fancy when you get it, that's part of what we get.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to play the story out in a couple in two different ways for you so you can kind of feel exactly what I'm talking about and we'll just stay with the example of the coat.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: So let's just say I go to a department store.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: I see a beautiful new coat.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: I decide that I want it.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: And let's say it's expensive.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Let's say it's something that I need to save for, I need to wait a minute to gather the resources to be able to go buy the coat.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Now, let's just say I go the road of do I need this?
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, the coat that I'm wearing is four years old and it's dirty and it's this and it's that and I can't get it all the way clean and that's it.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: And then I carry on with myself for a period of time with this old coat.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: Now, when I go back to buy the new coat, there is a good chance I may be able to talk myself into buying a coat, because I've talked myself into the fact that I need the coat.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: But I may not even be able to talk myself into buying the exact coat that I want, because the coat maybe that I wanted was beautiful and expensive.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: And so there's a possibility that I don't buy the coat that I want.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: I just buy another coat to replace the old coat and I receive no satisfaction, because if I had looked at the coat that I ended up buying the mediocre, cheap coat and then compared it to my old beautiful coat, maybe my old beautiful coat was better.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: But once I turn it into a need, once I say this coat's no longer acceptable, then that's kind of my options and I've totally done this to myself.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: I've totally been like I really want something new, talk myself into needing it.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: And then I got into the store and be like I cannot justify this price for this, this price isn't a need.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: And then I buy a thing that's less than the thing that I want and I get zero satisfaction because I didn't even buy the thing that I even wanted.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: All became need.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Now let's just say or let's say I buy the new coat and I get rid of the old coat and then I have a coat and then that's it.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: But let's just say I don't turn the want into a need.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: Let's just say I want the new coat because I want it and it's beautiful and it's fancy and it's luxurious.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: And let's say I save the money and I'm excited as I save the money and I'm putting the money aside for an upgrade, for something that's going to make me feel so good, I'm going to feel so fancy and so wonderful when I wear the new coat.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: And then I go to the store and I buy the new coat and I donate the old coat or get rid of it or whatever else, and then every time I wear the new coat, I feel luxury, I feel good, I feel fancy.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: The difference of those two situations, energetically, are really really vast.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: And when people are spending money to upgrade, the reason that we upgrade is to get that upgrade feeling.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: It's to feel different, better than what we felt before about this one particular thing.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Now, in the big scheme of existential feelings and stuff like that, a coat is really not going to be a very big blip on the radar one way or another, but it's a nice, clear, simple example.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: So we're just going with it.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: But there is something to be said about wearing something or saving something, or buying yourself something that you want that you don't need.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: And the reason why this is so important is because when we want what we want, we are shooting.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: You know we're shooting our goals, you know we're playing a game with the universe that is well above homeostasis or lack, right.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: So if I turn a coat into a need, then I lack it, then I'm going, then when I have the old coat and I don't have that new coat and in lack.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: But if I just buy it because I want it, I don't have to go into lack, I can go into upgrade and Both of those places both upgrade and lack can both have some momentum with it, and so when we believe that we should only buy things that we need and not buy things that we want, we end up spending a lot of time in lack and we end up not getting anywhere near as much satisfaction out of those purchases.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: So when it comes to buying things that you want or need, I highly, highly encourage you to to.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: You know, obviously you want to always take care of the things that you need first.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Are you're gonna pay your bills?
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: You're gonna.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: You're gonna, you know, be responsible with your money before you start buying things that you want.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: But when you're buying things that you want and you just know that you want them, what I find with clients is the patience to save money Stays a little longer because you know that you don't need it.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: You're like, hmm, all right, let me save the money for this new jacket.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: It's gonna be so good and you can kind of put that money aside.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: And as you are building the resources to buy the thing that you want and you don't need, you know, when you accumulate the cash and and oftentimes I'll see people justify Using credit for things that they want as a need, right, and that's, that's common and and again, like there's no judgment.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: It's okay to do it one way or the other.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: But when you're buying something that doesn't have need associated for it, you have a little bit more patience, you can wait for it a little bit longer and as you're getting closer and closer, there's a little bit more anticipation, it feels better.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: So there's like a little bit more excitement and once you buy yourself the upgrade that you didn't need and that you only bought it because you wanted it, that shifts, you know.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: It's like, ooh, I'm gonna wear my new coat and it's gonna be so good, like there.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: There's a little bit longer Satisfaction and gratitude because that, because that thing was never associated with lack or need, it was only associated with upgrade.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: So I just want you to ponder on this and think about this, because so often I see people really wasting a ton of time and energy and just mental rigmarole around Justifying their purchases and really turning Luxuries into necessities.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: And when we do that, I want to mention just one other thing.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: When we do that habitually, we give up so much power.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: So I will tell you just a different little story.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: So let's just, this is an imaginary story.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: This isn't a, this isn't a client of mine, but but this exact thing happens all the time where, let's just say, a client has a Boat and she loves it and she spends her weekends on boats and she goes to boating events and her friends are boating friends and Oliver money that her extra money gets, I know she pays her bills and then she spends the rest on boating accessories and fun boating things.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Now, if she Decides that that boat is a necessity, it's a need, she will give up her power in the, in the entire show will give up her power and how much money she spends and the choices that she makes Right, and so something like if that boat is a need, when it's time for, you know, boat repairs, maintenance, she may end up really feeling powerless and maybe even Impoverished to be able to pay for the repair on her luxury Good, her boat, right like she may feel a lot of powerlessness and just a sense of Vickiness and a sense of lack of choice and feeling like she has to do it, even though she could sell the boat, she could get rid of the boat, she could decide to put off the repairs, you know, not use the boat for a while.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: While she saves the money to do these things, she, if the boat is a need to her, she's more likely To use credit, she's more likely to hang on to it, even past the point of it making sense.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: Now, if the boat remains a luxury and then she has to maintain her luxury items, if there's a surprise expense, you know she may not be thrilled about it, but she's going to remember that she has choice in this and that she does enjoy it and that this is something that she prioritizes and that she spends this money on purpose about.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: And the mind set around these two different areas is really, really vast.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: When it comes to enjoying, you know, when it comes to like being satisfied, when it comes to feeling good with the money that you're spending, and and that is a place where we could all work to do a little bit better, like in my, in my practice, some of the things that I see all very, very frequently are people, you know, taking luxury and making it a necessity and then feeling powerless To it, even though they do have power and they do have choice, and that really sucking so much joy and so much happiness and so much freedom from their life, because once they may get a need, they can't let it go.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: You know they like hang on to it, and so I just wanted to to to put this idea out there for you to ponder, to chew on, and I'm hoping that, as you spend your money intentionally and you take care of the things that you do need and you take care of the you know, and you you get to upgrade, you get to buy yourself the things that you want, you know.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: My hope for you is that when you're spending your money on the things that you want and you don't need, that you get the satisfaction and the gratification and you know, all of that juicy like upward mobility, feelings with it, rather than dragging it into the muck of lack and feeling Impoverished, even as you're spending your money on, on upgrades and maybe even really nice things or luxury items or whatever else.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: So, anyways, I hope this gives you a nice little perspective for all of your spending, and that's it.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: So I hope you enjoyed this.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I hope you learned something.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: Please feel free to share with a friend who you love very much.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: All right, I love you.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Thanks for listening.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: It was my pleasure and joy to talk with you today.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening.
• 18:18
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• 18:26
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• 18:30
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• 18:39
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• 18:55
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• 19:04
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• 19:14
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