Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #906 Raising Free Range Kids This Summer

Transcript

#906 Raising Free Range Kids This Summer · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers. Now. Today's podcast
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  Speaker 1: is all about how we can help our kids have
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  Speaker 1: a great summer. Brand new research. Well, it's not so
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  Speaker 1: much research as a commentary by the world's foremost expert
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  Speaker 1: on play. His name is Peter Gray. He's a university
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  Speaker 1: in Massachusetts in the United States. Well, he and some
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  Speaker 1: colleagues have written a fantastic article based in the theory
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  Speaker 1: that forms the foundation of my book with the Parenting Revolution.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe this is why I like the article so much.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe this is why do you want your kids to
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  Speaker 1: have a great summer? That's really the question that this
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  Speaker 1: podcast answer well answers in the affirmative yes, and here's how. So,
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  Speaker 1: here's what Peter Gray had to say in his article,
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  Speaker 1: and here's what we're going to do about it as
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  Speaker 1: we move into our summer break. Across Australia. Peter Gray's
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  Speaker 1: article highlights that while everyone's making a big deal about
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  Speaker 1: the mental health crisis and the fact that mental health
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  Speaker 1: problems have increased dramatically in last ten to fifteen years,
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  Speaker 1: the reality is, well, there has been an escalation this
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  Speaker 1: escalation has been happening for several decades now, since around
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  Speaker 1: about the nineteen seventies. It's just that it's picked up
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  Speaker 1: speed in the last decade. In fact, what he highlights
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  Speaker 1: is that four things are all occurring on once. Number one,
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  Speaker 1: there is a massive decline measurable and objective decline in
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  Speaker 1: opportunities for independent activity for our kids. So that's the
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  Speaker 1: first thing. The second thing he says is there's been
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  Speaker 1: a corresponding, correlated decline in mental health. Then he says
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  Speaker 1: research shows that independent activity is associated with increases in happiness.
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  Speaker 1: And he says, fourthly, independent activity is also associated with
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  Speaker 1: long term psychological resilience. So that's the foundation for what
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  Speaker 1: we're going to be talking about today. It comes from
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  Speaker 1: an article that we will link to. We'll link to
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  Speaker 1: the first page, and then you can research it from
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  Speaker 1: there if you're interested in more of it. These four things,
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  Speaker 1: really it all comes to to independent activity, Kylie, at
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  Speaker 1: the very core of it. That's what we're talking about
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  Speaker 1: today because I think that if you can help your
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  Speaker 1: kids to have more independent activity this summer, they're going
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  Speaker 1: to have the best summer ever and be more resilient
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  Speaker 1: for it.
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  Speaker 2: When I think about my schooling experience back in the
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  Speaker 2: eighties to the experience our kids are having. It's actually
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  Speaker 2: like opposite ends of the spectrum.
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  Speaker 1: I was about to say something, but I don't want
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  Speaker 1: to sound like my dad. I'm going to say it anyway.
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  Speaker 1: Chalk and cheese, really.
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  Speaker 2: Chalk and cheese. I grew up in New Zealand, and
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  Speaker 2: my primary years we're in New Zealand, we had a
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  Speaker 2: swimming pool at the school. I was just at a
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  Speaker 2: public school, but we had a swimming pool and we
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  Speaker 2: had lessons as part of our curriculum, and during the
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  Speaker 2: summer months the pool was open during much treak. There
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  Speaker 2: was one teacher for however, many kids filled that pool. Now,
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  Speaker 2: granted there was no deep end. The deep end was
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  Speaker 2: still very shallow, and you could pretty much do a
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  Speaker 2: whirlpool walking the entire way around to the pool, but
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  Speaker 2: there was one teacher for I reckon at any given time,
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  Speaker 2: there would have been over a hundred kids in that pool.
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  Speaker 2: That was my lunch break. If I wasn't swimming, I
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  Speaker 2: was climbing trees that were easily two and three stories high.
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  Speaker 2: There was an embankment at the back of our school
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  Speaker 2: that was almost vertical lots of like grass tuffs through it,
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  Speaker 2: and you would have to like grab the tufts to
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  Speaker 2: climb out of the embankment. But we would roll down
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  Speaker 2: that embankment all the way to the bottom to get
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  Speaker 2: to this big pine tree. And then we would spend
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  Speaker 2: our lunch breaks climbing up and creating bedrooms within each
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  Speaker 2: of the branches.
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  Speaker 1: The magic fire Away tree.
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  Speaker 2: It was, and it was amazing. And then if we
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  Speaker 2: weren't doing that, we had a playground on stilts. I
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  Speaker 2: don't think I've ever seen one ever since, but it
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  Speaker 2: was a massive platform and the stilts were higher than
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  Speaker 2: us because we could run under those without having to duck.
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  Speaker 2: It was like going to the beach, got the peers,
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  Speaker 2: and you could kind of run through all of the peers.
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  Speaker 2: And we used to play catching kids. Maybe used to
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  Speaker 2: play catching kids underneath there, wow, and hide behind all
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  Speaker 2: the pylons. Just had so much fun. But I was
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  Speaker 2: thinking about that from the point of view that the
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  Speaker 2: platform where the actual climbing equipment was was higher than
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  Speaker 2: me as a kid. There was no fence on that
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  Speaker 2: at all, and we could jump off that onto the grass,
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  Speaker 2: which obviously happened all the time. We had monkey bars
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  Speaker 2: for goodness sakes, and monkey bars that were really tall,
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  Speaker 2: like majorly tall. We had tennis courts, and we actually
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  Speaker 2: had a teacher who broke his ankle because he tried
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  Speaker 2: to jump over the nets and got lots and lots
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  Speaker 2: of trouble.
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  Speaker 1: But I bet they didn't close the tennis court.
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  Speaker 2: No, those tennis courts were open all the time.
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  Speaker 1: So I guess this is kind of the point. Pitt
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  Speaker 1: Gray and his colleagues in this article have said that
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  Speaker 1: there's been a decline in opportunities for independent activity. I'm
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  Speaker 1: listening to what you're saying. You're saying it like you're
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  Speaker 1: in redulous because in twenty twenty three, twenty twenty four,
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  Speaker 1: how much does that sort of stuff happen.
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  Speaker 2: Well, we had a conversation with your niece just recently.
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  Speaker 2: She's about to go into high.
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  Speaker 1: School, and she why, yes, I remember.
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  Speaker 2: This a new school for half the day.
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  Speaker 1: I think that we I want to go further. You
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  Speaker 1: are going to be much more polite than me, But
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to say so. She lives in northern New
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  Speaker 1: South Wales. I won't say the school, but she just
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  Speaker 1: goes to a public school in northern New South Wales,
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  Speaker 1: and I can't believe the restrictions that the particular school
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  Speaker 1: staff in this school place on these kids.
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  Speaker 2: So they're not allowed to play dodgeball. They have to
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  Speaker 2: play silent.
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  Speaker 1: Ball, so they're allowed to throw the ball at each other,
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  Speaker 1: but they're not allowed to make noise. It has to
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  Speaker 1: be silent ball.
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  Speaker 2: When it comes to awards ceremonies, we're clapping with two
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  Speaker 2: fingers so there's no noise, and we're not allowed to
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  Speaker 2: get too excited or show big emotion as we celebrate
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  Speaker 2: our friends. But do you know what the thing that
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  Speaker 2: stood out to her at the new school was. It
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  Speaker 2: was that she could run and do a handstand.
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  Speaker 1: Well, she was excited about that.
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  Speaker 2: That should just be par for the course for a
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  Speaker 2: kid to be allowed to move their body in those
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  Speaker 2: ways without any restriction whatsoever.
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  Speaker 1: So she's leaving the primary school moving into a private
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  Speaker 1: school where she's actually allowed to do a whole lot more.
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  Speaker 2: It's amazing that these things are even considerations in today's
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  Speaker 2: with all of the knowledge and research that we have
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  Speaker 2: about how important moving our bodies is for our kids
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  Speaker 2: and the major decline that we're experiencing and mental health.
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  Speaker 2: This is just a no brainer.
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  Speaker 1: Well, we need to talk about solutions, but there's a
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  Speaker 1: couple of things that you haven't mentioned that I think
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  Speaker 1: are worth just raising. I don't want to make it
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  Speaker 1: sound like we're pushing to go back to the bad
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  Speaker 1: old days, because there's plenty of things that were happening
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  Speaker 1: back in those days that weren't great either. But the
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  Speaker 1: one thing that was happening that was great is that
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  Speaker 1: kids were allowed to have independent activity.
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  Speaker 2: I think there's probably a lot more bones broken back
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  Speaker 2: then as well, but we didn't.
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  Speaker 1: I don't think that's a problem.
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  Speaker 2: I was about to say, didn't. It wasn't a big deal.
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  Speaker 2: Just a kid broke a broone and you've got a
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  Speaker 2: cast and you've got on with.
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  Speaker 1: Life six weeks.
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  Speaker 2: Schools are so scared because parents are wanting to take
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  Speaker 2: them to court because of malpractice and you know, lack
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  Speaker 2: of supervision and all those things, and it's just crazy.
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  Speaker 2: Kids are going to be kids.
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  Speaker 1: When I was about seven or eight years old, I
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  Speaker 1: was a cub scout and we used to go knocking
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  Speaker 1: on doors and do bobb a job. And when I
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  Speaker 1: say we, I mean I like my parents would say
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  Speaker 1: all right, go and there some money and so I'd
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  Speaker 1: get twenty cents for sweeping someone's deck, or for I
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  Speaker 1: don't know, maybe two dollars for washing someone's car. And
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  Speaker 1: we used to do all these fundraisers and earn money
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  Speaker 1: so that we would go on Scout camps and things.
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  Speaker 1: I was literally doing it on my own at that age.
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  Speaker 1: I was walking home from school, walking to and from
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  Speaker 1: school solo from about the age of six or seven,
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  Speaker 1: no problem at all. You just you would honestly have
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  Speaker 1: people looking at you like, what sort of a parent
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  Speaker 1: are you? I feel like your kids do that today
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  Speaker 1: and it's wrong. We should be allowed to do this
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  Speaker 1: sort of stuff, paper routes, dropping pamphlets into a letter boxes.
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  Speaker 1: The degree of risk was so much. As a kid
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  Speaker 1: who was like eight or nine years old, I would
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  Speaker 1: get home from school. I was a latch key kid,
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  Speaker 1: and I'd just jump on my bike and meet my
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  Speaker 1: best mate, Andy Lucas, and we'd go down to the
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  Speaker 1: park and we would literally ride around for hours after school,
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  Speaker 1: just so long as we got home before my mom.
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  Speaker 1: That was pretty much all we had to do.
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  Speaker 2: So I had a handful of kids who lived in
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  Speaker 2: the next street, so on a good day, I could
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  Speaker 2: actually just walk to the back of my property and
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  Speaker 2: pretty much slide down the embankment to my friend's house.
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  Speaker 2: But on a bad day when it had been raining
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  Speaker 2: lots in New Zealand it raining lots, it was too
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  Speaker 2: slippery and it was actually quite dangerous, so I would
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  Speaker 2: have to go the roadway down. But there was four
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  Speaker 2: or five houses and I'd say goodbye to my mum
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  Speaker 2: and I'd go down and she wouldn't have a clue
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  Speaker 2: whose house I was at until it was time to
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  Speaker 2: go home.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I don't think that's negligent parent parenting. It's
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  Speaker 1: just it's allowing the kids the opportunity to have some independence.
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  Speaker 1: These days, we're tracking our kids and all that sort
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  Speaker 1: of thing. I mean, I know, there's kind of a
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  Speaker 1: trip down memory lane. And some people might disagree really
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  Speaker 1: strongly here. And of course there is risk. Of course
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  Speaker 1: there is risk. But when we ask ourselves about what
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  Speaker 1: would you do if something happened, If you asked that
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  Speaker 1: question about everything, you would never do anything. You would
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  Speaker 1: literally never do anything. What we need to do is
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  Speaker 1: teach our kids how to make safe, healthy decisions and
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  Speaker 1: let them go and play and explore. I mean, I
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  Speaker 1: was catching the bus to the beach sort of eight
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  Speaker 1: ten k's of the beach from about the age of
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  Speaker 1: twelve or thirteen, so I could go serving with my
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  Speaker 1: maids and it was some of the best memories of
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  Speaker 1: my life, jumping over rocks and getting in trouble. Well anyway,
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  Speaker 1: we won't talk about how I got in trouble, but
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  Speaker 1: it was just so so great, this.
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  Speaker 2: Idea of pre arming our kids. We had a family
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  Speaker 2: get together a few weekends ago, and this is family,
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  Speaker 2: but I still had the conversation with our nine year
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  Speaker 2: old about not going into other people's bedrooms. And she
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  Speaker 2: looked at me and kind of was like, but I'm
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  Speaker 2: playing with my cousins. I said, as long as you're
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  Speaker 2: with your cousins, you're able to go into bedrooms. But
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  Speaker 2: I don't want you ever going into a bedroom with
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  Speaker 2: just an adult on your own, unless it's mummy and daddy.
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  Speaker 2: And she can't looked at me and she said, oh, no,
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  Speaker 2: that's fine. I'm always with my cousins. But I just
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  Speaker 2: I wanted to have that conversation with her because it's
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  Speaker 2: just it's setting up a precedent and just acknowledging to
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  Speaker 2: her that this is something we're doing to safeguard you.
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  Speaker 1: So we want kids to be safe, but we also
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  Speaker 1: want them to get out there, whether it was walking
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  Speaker 1: to school or maybe babysitting from about the age of
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  Speaker 1: eleven or twelve, or it's about risk and risk assessment.
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  Speaker 1: If kids can't learn how to assess risks when they're little,
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  Speaker 1: theyre going to struggle with the big risks as they
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  Speaker 1: get older. I think that's a reasonable thing to assume.
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  Speaker 1: So for this summer, our tips are really really simple.
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  Speaker 1: Give your kids as much age appropriate opportunity for independent
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  Speaker 1: activity as you can. Help them to build relationships that
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  Speaker 1: are trusting. Let them get out of the neighborhood, go
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  Speaker 1: down to the park, spend time at the beach, let
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  Speaker 1: them have fun. Check in in whatever ways you need
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  Speaker 1: to so that your anxiety levels don't go through the roof,
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  Speaker 1: but try to do it in a really relaxed, not
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  Speaker 1: over the top, helicopter kind of way. Let them feel
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  Speaker 1: confident and capable the sense of autonomy. I know with
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  Speaker 1: our kids they love getting on the bike, and a
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  Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago, one of our kids rode for
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  Speaker 1: about rode fifteen twenty k's from home. She's thirteen years
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  Speaker 1: old and she went a long way from home, and
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  Speaker 1: when she got back, we weren't cranky at it. We
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  Speaker 1: were stoked for it. We're like, that is so awesome,
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  Speaker 1: We're so thrilled for you. And the sense of accomplishment
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  Speaker 1: that she felt for doing it was just great. If
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  Speaker 1: you want to have healthy kids, they need to be playing,
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  Speaker 1: They need to be taking risks, they need to be
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  Speaker 1: involved in independent play. I think we've gone down the
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  Speaker 1: annals of history enough. I think that we've shared our
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  Speaker 1: experiences to highlight that you can you can live that
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  Speaker 1: kind of life and be well balanced. Our encouragement for
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  Speaker 1: this summer is to let the kids have those same
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  Speaker 1: awesome experiences.
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  Speaker 2: As nice as it is to know that your kids
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  Speaker 2: are in the safety of your laundry staring at a screen.
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  Speaker 1: That's not nice, really, but I know what you mean.
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  Speaker 2: There is something comforting about knowing that you're kids are
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  Speaker 2: right there, you know where they are, you know who
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  Speaker 2: they're with, and you know what they're doing.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: It's such a second best to the opportunities that are
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  Speaker 2: available to them at any given moment. And the more
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  Speaker 2: we can encourage them to get outside and to actually
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  Speaker 2: start to explore where their boundaries are and what they're
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  Speaker 2: capable of and not capable of. I think they happier.
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  Speaker 2: Our kids are going to be this summer. They really
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  Speaker 2: are Getting outside is just it's a lifeline.
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  Speaker 1: I feel like I had a pretty idyllic childhood, and
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  Speaker 1: I think it was primarily because I was never at home.
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  Speaker 1: My parents weren't telling you what to do, and I
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  Speaker 1: didn't have a screen in my hands.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think screens have got a lot to answer for.
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  Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rowland from
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer. For more
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: and fo about making your family happy, We'd love for
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: you to visit us at Happy Families dot com dot
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: au and check out the resources there.