Latest / The Parenting Podcast / When Their Wrong Hits Home | Ep. 231

Transcript

When Their Wrong Hits Home | Ep. 231 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:00
  Kyla: the cloud of shame- Mm the downward eyes- I mean, it was just very embarrassing- for them.
• 0:09
  Speaker: Sometimes our kids do something that is simply wrong.
• 0:15
  Speaker: We can't soften it, excuse it, or pretend it doesn't matter.
• 0:22
  Speaker: But we also know shame can settle in, and failure can start to feel like identity.
• 0:31
  Speaker: So how do we take the wrong seriously without letting it overshadow what is most important?
• 0:41
  Speaker: This story gets right into
• 0:43
  that.
• 0:53
  Cheryl: So listeners, we have Kyla Pace back in here with us today.
• 0:57
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 0:57
  Kyla: Hi.
• 0:57
  Kyla: Hi, guys.
• 0:58
  Kyla: Hi.
• 0:59
  Cheryl: Okay, so you don't know it, Christie, but, uh, I don't know, a couple of weeks ago Kyla dropped by and we were just spending time together, and she said,"Oh, I have something I wanna process with you." And so she began telling a story Kyla is our, let's see, what?
• 1:14
  Cheryl: Three teenagers?
• 1:16
  Cheryl: Or one preteen?
• 1:16
  Kyla: Three teens and one preteen.
• 1:18
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 1:19
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 1:19
  Cheryl: So she is our resident active in-the-thick-of-it parent.
• 1:22
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 1:23
  Cheryl: Right.
• 1:23
  Kyla: Woo-hoo.
• 1:24
  Kyla: TPP BFF.
• 1:25
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 1:26
  Cheryl: And so she started saying,"I don't know what to do with this." And there was a situation that happened, and as it unfolded, it is going to be...
• 1:35
  Cheryl: Somebody needs to write this in a-
• 1:38
  Cheryl A: chapter of a book somewhere.
• 1:39
  Cheryl A: Oh,
• 1:39
  Christie: I can't wait.
• 1:41
  Cheryl: Oh, gosh.
• 1:41
  Cheryl: Okay, I mean, almost like a Netflix thing that you just go,"Oh, that really couldn't have happened." Well, it did.
• 1:49
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 1:50
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 1:50
  Cheryl: Okay, Kyla, so unfurl the story
• 1:53
  Kyla: Okay
• 1:53
  Cheryl: what you shared with me.
• 1:55
  Kyla: Well, this situation happened, I think, a couple of days before I, I went to your house, and we were just talking and I said,"Cheryl, something happened.
• 2:03
  Kyla: I don't know how to handle this." I mean, it's, it's probably, like, a trademark story in most parents'- Yeah you know, history.
• 2:10
  Kyla: Yeah, one of my kids, uh, we had 30 minutes or so and we were just browsing in a store.
• 2:17
  Kyla: It was a place that we go in kind of regularly, about once a week while, um, another one of my kids has an appointment.
• 2:24
  Kyla: So it's kind of a standing appointment, kind of a fun 30 minutes.
• 2:28
  Cheryl: Oh, good.
• 2:28
  Kyla: We're regulars in there.
• 2:29
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 2:30
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 2:30
  Cheryl: That's what I was saying, way to go, Kyla- Yeah for good investment of your time.
• 2:33
  Cheryl: Productive
• 2:33
  Christie: time, yeah.
• 2:34
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 2:35
  Kyla: So anyway, we're just having fun, looking around, doing our thing.
• 2:39
  Kyla: It's kind of, you know, a store/place you can kinda hang out and-
• 2:44
  Cheryl: Yeah
• 2:44
  Kyla: um, anyway, we're getting ready to leave'cause it's time and, there's nobody in the store really except there's two young guys who are kinda managing the store, and they pull me aside and they kind of have a strange look on their face.
• 2:59
  Kyla: And I'm like,"Well, all right." So they said,"Hey, we were hoping not to tell you, but we needed to tell you that your kid- Uh, stole some stuff.
• 3:12
  Christie: Oh.
• 3:12
  Cheryl: Ooh.
• 3:13
  Cheryl: Yeah, that's
• 3:14
  Christie: hard.
• 3:16
  Kyla: Yes, so-
• 3:17
  Cheryl: I mean, just, soak in the emotion.
• 3:20
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 3:20
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 3:20
  Cheryl: You can imagine how Kyla felt.
• 3:22
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 3:23
  Cheryl: Yeah, what did you
• 3:23
  Christie: feel- Oh, no when they,
• 3:24
  Cheryl: when
• 3:24
  Christie: they said that?
• 3:25
  Christie: What was your initial emotion?
• 3:28
  Kyla: I think my, well, I was surprised.
• 3:31
  Kyla: I really was.
• 3:32
  Kyla: I mean, although it's something I think everyone faces and deals with, even for themselves.
• 3:38
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 3:38
  Kyla: Like you remember as, I took a pack of gum when I was little or whatever.
• 3:42
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 3:42
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 3:43
  Kyla: But I, I was s- a little surprised.
• 3:44
  Kyla: I was kinda shocked.
• 3:45
  Kyla: I was disappointed, but I remember feeling like,"Okay, I just need to really slow down, and how do I handle this right now?" Okay.
• 3:55
  Kyla: Like, I can maybe deal with more later, but what do I do right now?
• 3:58
  Christie: Right.
• 3:59
  Cheryl: And so then what
• 4:00
  Cheryl A: happened next?
• 4:00
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 4:01
  Kyla: So I look up and I'm like,"Wait a minute, but where's my kid?" And they're like,"Well, when we walked over to talk to you, like, they booked it." Yeah.
• 4:09
  Kyla: "They're, they're, they're waiting by the car." Like, you could see outside.
• 4:13
  Kyla: They're waiting by the car.
• 4:14
  Kyla: I was really thankful, though, that no one else was in the store.
• 4:18
  Kyla: It was just us.
• 4:19
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 4:19
  Kyla: There was privacy at that moment, so that was a blessing.
• 4:22
  Christie: Give you some space-
• 4:24
  Kyla: Okay to think about it.
• 4:25
  Kyla: Yeah, yeah.
• 4:25
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 4:26
  Kyla: So they said,"Hey, we didn't really wanna tell you.
• 4:29
  Kyla: We don't wanna get them in trouble." We had told them,"Hey, we saw you take some stuff and put it in your pocket." Oh.
• 4:38
  Kyla: "If you give it back, we won't tell your mom." And they were just trying to, you know, make it easy- Yeah and, you know- Mm-hmm not c- not cause a big situation.
• 4:48
  Kyla: So d- did
• 4:49
  Cheryl: they return it?
• 4:50
  Kyla: Well, that's the reason they came up to me and they said,"Most of the things were returned.
• 4:56
  Kyla: There was, I think, four or five things, but we're still missing something, and that's why we're coming to you to talk to you about it." Mm-hmm.
• 5:03
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 5:04
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 5:04
  Cheryl: So the plot thickens.
• 5:06
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 5:06
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 5:07
  Cheryl: Right?
• 5:07
  Cheryl: And so w- when you left-
• 5:11
  Kyla: Mm-hmm
• 5:11
  Cheryl: to go talk to your child-
• 5:13
  Kyla: Mm-hmm
• 5:14
  Cheryl: what did they look like?
• 5:15
  Christie: Yeah
• 5:16
  Cheryl: look, cool or- How did they respond?
• 5:17
  Cheryl: what was, what was their response to you?
• 5:19
  Kyla: Well, I didn't actually go outside and talk to them privately in the moment because I had, at that point, my other kid with me.
• 5:27
  Cheryl: Oh, okay.
• 5:28
  Kyla: So I sent the non-involved kid who didn't know what was going on out to the car.
• 5:33
  Kyla: To privately handle.
• 5:34
  Kyla: Like, they don't- Yeah need to know.
• 5:35
  Kyla: Good It's not involving them.
• 5:36
  Kyla: That's great.
• 5:36
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 5:37
  Kyla: So, uh the child who stole the items, I had come in the store, and it was just us and then the two young guys working, and we just talked about it, and I said,"Hey, you know, these guys said that you took this, and what happened?" You know, just kind of letting them talk.
• 5:57
  Kyla: But oh, my goodness, the, the cloud of shame- Mm the downward eyes- Mm.
• 6:03
  Kyla: Mm-hmm the not, not looking at...
• 6:04
  Kyla: I mean, it was just very embarrassing- Mm.
• 6:07
  Kyla: Mm for them.
• 6:09
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 6:09
  Cheryl: Okay, so did they have the missing item?
• 6:13
  Kyla: Well, what ended up happening is all the items had been returned.
• 6:18
  Kyla: I think just in the, the shuffle and the chaos- Oh.
• 6:21
  Kyla: Mm it wasn't seen initially.
• 6:23
  Kyla: But I was actually so, so glad about that.
• 6:26
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 6:26
  Kyla: Otherwise, I wouldn't have probably known.
• 6:27
  Christie: Right.
• 6:28
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:28
  Kyla: Right.
• 6:29
  Kyla: So I was-
• 6:29
  Cheryl: That was a real gift.
• 6:30
  Kyla: Yeah it was a gift in disguise.
• 6:31
  Christie: Yeah.
• 6:32
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 6:32
  Cheryl: You know, and, and parenting, and we don't always look at it like that.
• 6:35
  Cheryl: That's true.
• 6:36
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 6:36
  Cheryl: You know?
• 6:37
  Cheryl: What a great opportunity.
• 6:39
  Cheryl: So- What did you do after that?
• 6:42
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 6:42
  Kyla: I kept it relatively short because of the amount of shame and embarrassment.
• 6:47
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 6:47
  Kyla: And I, I was very hard.
• 6:49
  Kyla: Um, but I did acknowledge,"Hey, this is wrong.
• 6:52
  Kyla: This is stealing.
• 6:53
  Kyla: We can't do this.
• 6:54
  Kyla: You can't take things that aren't yours."
• 6:56
  Cheryl: All the good, right parenting
• 6:57
  Kyla: things.
• 6:57
  Kyla: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:59
  Kyla: I mean, and the guys in the store were just, we don't wanna get in trouble, anyway, it, it worked out and I kept it relatively short, and there was apologies and acknowledgement made, and then we kind of exited at that point.
• 7:12
  Kyla: Mm.
• 7:12
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 7:12
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 7:12
  Cheryl: So one of the things we talk about, because we talk about parenting as a releasing process-
• 7:17
  Kyla: Mm-hmm
• 7:18
  Cheryl: is we want the opportunity to help our children
• 7:21
  Cheryl A: learn how to deal with failure.
• 7:22
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 7:23
  Kyla: Mm.
• 7:23
  Cheryl: And so look at this.
• 7:24
  Cheryl: 'Cause you think this is the end of the story.
• 7:27
  Christie: Yeah.
• 7:27
  Christie: I mean, it sounds like you handled it well.
• 7:30
  Cheryl: So, so this sounds like a really great opportunity to walk alongside
• 7:34
  Cheryl A: this child
• 7:35
  Cheryl: and help
• 7:35
  Cheryl A: them
• 7:35
  Cheryl: deal with their- failure.
• 7:37
  Cheryl: Right.
• 7:37
  Cheryl: Right.
• 7:37
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:38
  Cheryl: So that's pretty powerful, okay?
• 7:40
  Cheryl: But the story continues.
• 7:42
  Christie: Oh, okay.
• 7:43
  Christie: Yeah.
• 7:43
  Cheryl A: Yeah.
• 7:43
  Kyla: So I kinda, tabled it because I really wanted to handle it well.
• 7:47
  Kyla: It was a really big deal.
• 7:49
  Kyla: I wanted to make sure it wasn't a pattern, that, I parented well.
• 7:54
  Kyla: Uh, so I just gave it a little bit of time.
• 7:58
  Kyla: I needed to think about it, talk about it to, you know, my husband and think about,"What are we gonna do?" And in the meantime, I had a standing, you know, time with you and-
• 8:08
  Cheryl: Yeah
• 8:08
  Kyla: yeah, it was a school day and I was coming over to just talk life, and I just said,"Hey, help me.
• 8:15
  Kyla: Like, what, what do you recommend?
• 8:17
  Kyla: What should I do?" Mm-hmm.
• 8:17
  Kyla: This is a big deal.
• 8:19
  Cheryl A: Then I said, Wow, what a gift.
• 8:22
  Cheryl A: You know, you can really walk alongside this child we walk with them and talk about it.
• 8:28
  Cheryl A: What a great opportunity.
• 8:29
  Kyla: And that caught me off guard a little bit, too- ooh, Your initial thing wasn't what a bad choice they made, it was-
• 8:37
  Cheryl: What an opportunity.
• 8:38
  Kyla: Right.
• 8:39
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 8:39
  Christie: Well- A
• 8:39
  Cheryl: perspective
• 8:40
  Christie: shift.
• 8:40
  Kyla: Yes.
• 8:41
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 8:42
  Kyla: Yes.
• 8:42
  Cheryl: S- I didn't realize that took you off guard,'cause that's all I could see is- Right wow, you've been- Uh-huh.
• 8:48
  Christie: Right
• 8:48
  Cheryl: given this opportunity.
• 8:50
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 8:50
  Cheryl: And I still didn't know the whole story.
• 8:52
  Christie: I remember, when my kids were young, you helping me see that The ones that are out here being crazy aren't the ones you need to worry about, it's the ones that are tidy and look like they're doing the right thing all the time- Mm-hmm because you don't get the revelation of what's- Yeah really going on in their- Mm-hmm hearts.
• 9:10
  Christie: So yeah, I mean, I, I know that you're right, that- You- this is an opportunity to see- Yes behind the scenes of where- Yes they're capable- Well- of things
• 9:18
  Cheryl: when they're in your face, at least we know what we're dealing with.
• 9:22
  Cheryl: You know what you're dealing with.
• 9:22
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 9:23
  Cheryl: When it's subterfuge and- Mm-hmm it's underneath the- Secretive and hidden well you don't know.
• 9:27
  Cheryl: So- Yeah yeah.
• 9:28
  Kyla: I remember you said,"Hey, when you talk to them, just-" For them to know you relate- Mm to that temptation, that situation, you've been there.
• 9:39
  Christie: Empathize.
• 9:40
  Kyla: Empathize.
• 9:40
  Cheryl: Empathy.
• 9:41
  Cheryl: Uh-huh.
• 9:41
  Cheryl: Yeah when you were in here a few weeks ago.
• 9:43
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 9:43
  Cheryl: And we talked about how important empathy is- Mm-hmm when we were
• 9:45
  Cheryl A: connecting.
• 9:46
  Cheryl A: Mm-hmm.
• 9:47
  Christie: Because you didn't wanna shame
• 9:48
  Cheryl: them.
• 9:49
  Cheryl: That's exactly right.
• 9:50
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 9:51
  Cheryl: And when we're connecting with people, we want to be on the same side- Mm-hmm of the fence together.
• 9:58
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 9:59
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 9:59
  Cheryl: And there's a place where we have to do correction and so forth.
• 10:02
  Cheryl: Right.
• 10:02
  Cheryl: But till we get to consequences and all of that-
• 10:05
  Christie: Because this was a first offense.
• 10:07
  Christie: Right
• 10:07
  Cheryl: or, or even if it was the 10th- Yeah we still want to, let's talk about this, and walk through this together to figure out what's right and true- Mm.
• 10:16
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm and how can we get through this together.
• 10:19
  Kyla: Right.
• 10:20
  Cheryl: All right.
• 10:20
  Kyla: Yes.
• 10:21
  Cheryl: So...
• 10:22
  Kyla: So when, when you said,"Wouldn't it be amazing if you came at, at it from the angle of,'I understand this is hard.
• 10:31
  Kyla: It's tempting.
• 10:33
  Kyla: I've stolen before,'", and the light bulb went on.
• 10:38
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 10:38
  Cheryl: And Christie, this is where it's a page-turner.
• 10:41
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 10:41
  Christie: Okay.
• 10:41
  Christie: I'm listening.
• 10:42
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 10:42
  Cheryl: And audience, if you don't know, Kyla is a rule keeper.
• 10:47
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 10:48
  Cheryl: She is a good, squeaky, do the right things- turn the paper in on time-
• 10:53
  Christie: Mm-hmm
• 10:53
  Cheryl: clean up after yourself when you make a mess.
• 10:56
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 10:57
  Cheryl: And I identify with that.
• 10:58
  Cheryl: We get our identity out of doing the right thing.
• 11:01
  Cheryl: No, no moral
• 11:02
  Christie: ambiguity in her
• 11:03
  Cheryl: life.
• 11:04
  Kyla: Right.
• 11:04
  Kyla: No.
• 11:04
  Kyla: That's just- Well, I'm kind of even blushing right now- out of embarrassment, because the light bulb went on, and I just realized,"Oh, my goodness, the day before this whole situation even happened- I- Well, I was deceptive, and I stole something via an Amazon return.
• 11:29
  Christie: Oh.
• 11:30
  Christie: Right.
• 11:30
  Christie: Okay.
• 11:31
  Cheryl: But I loved it because we were talking about can you pull them on- Mm-hmm the same side and kinda put your arm around them saying- Uh-huh this is a struggle.
• 11:41
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 11:41
  Cheryl: I have struggled, and I thought just generically.
• 11:44
  Cheryl: Right.
• 11:44
  Cheryl: Right.
• 11:45
  Cheryl: Okay, so tell, how did you steal from Jeff Bezos?
• 11:47
  Cheryl: You didn't know you were gonna
• 11:47
  Christie: find out your
• 11:48
  Kyla: friend-
• 11:48
  Cheryl: I know was
• 11:49
  Kyla: a thief.
• 11:50
  Kyla: Yes.
• 11:51
  Kyla: Guilty.
• 11:52
  Kyla: Well, I got really excited several months ago because I was introduced to this amazing hair curler.
• 12:00
  Cheryl: Okay?
• 12:00
  Cheryl: And of course, Amazon- You were,
• 12:01
  Christie: you were telling me about it, yes
• 12:03
  Cheryl: Amazon has the best price- Yeah and they get it to you in two days.
• 12:06
  Cheryl: Uh-huh, right.
• 12:07
  Cheryl: And you have 30 days to return it.
• 12:09
  Kyla: Yes, or 60, whatever the window is.
• 12:12
  Kyla: Uh-huh.
• 12:12
  Kyla: But I was out of it.
• 12:14
  Kyla: So I ordered a hair curler earlier in the year, and I loved it.
• 12:20
  Kyla: It took my hair from coarse and frizzy to smooth and wavy, and oh, my goodness, I could wear my hair down with pride, okay?
• 12:27
  Christie: Uh-huh.
• 12:28
  Cheryl: And so we need to get that company to sponsor TPP.
• 12:31
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 12:31
  Christie: Okay.
• 12:32
  Christie: Yes.
• 12:32
  Christie: Right.
• 12:32
  Christie: And we promise not to steal anything.
• 12:33
  Christie: Right.
• 12:36
  Kyla: But the, I had ordered the one-inch barrel, okay?
• 12:40
  Kyla: So although my hair was smooth and curly and lovely, it looked like curly soup.
• 12:47
  Kyla: Ringlets?
• 12:47
  Kyla: Oh, okay.
• 12:47
  Kyla: Ringlets.
• 12:47
  Kyla: Okay.
• 12:48
  Kyla: Okay?
• 12:48
  Kyla: Not the look I was going for.
• 12:50
  Kyla: My girls told me it was not cool, whatever.
• 12:52
  Kyla: So long story short, I order the 1.5 inch, and now I have loose, relaxed, beachy curls.
• 13:01
  Christie: Mm.
• 13:01
  Christie: Oh, success.
• 13:03
  Kyla: Too much information.
• 13:04
  Kyla: But
• 13:04
  Christie: you also- That's what happened have an extra hair curler on your hands- Yes that you won't use.
• 13:08
  Kyla: I don't want the ringlet one anymore, so I did the right thing.
• 13:12
  Kyla: It was outside of my return window.
• 13:14
  Kyla: Well, I did the right thing at first.
• 13:16
  Kyla: And I called Amazon and actually talked to a person, told them the situation.
• 13:22
  Kyla: I would want to return the one-inch one.
• 13:24
  Kyla: Yes, I know it's outside my return window, but not too much, can't you just work with me?
• 13:28
  Kyla: Like, I want my money back.
• 13:30
  Kyla: I want my$60 back.
• 13:32
  Christie: Right.
• 13:32
  Kyla: So they're tightening up on returns, whatever, and they said,"No, sorry.
• 13:38
  Kyla: You cannot return it." Denied.
• 13:39
  Kyla: Denied.
• 13:40
  Kyla: Oh.
• 13:41
  Kyla: So then- Several days pass and I just start thinking,"Wait, I have the box."
• 13:49
  Christie: I found a loophole.
• 13:50
  Kyla: I found the loophole.
• 13:52
  Kyla: I can say I'm returning-
• 13:55
  Christie: The second purchase
• 13:56
  Kyla: the second one- Uh-huh and return the smaller one.
• 13:58
  Kyla: It's only a half-inch difference, right?
• 14:00
  Christie: Uh-huh.
• 14:02
  Kyla: So,
• 14:03
  Christie: Oh, Kyla.
• 14:04
  Christie: This
• 14:04
  Kyla: is so embarrassing, you guys.
• 14:06
  Christie: Well, I'm not shaming you because I, I could have very easily had the same thought process and justified- Well, sure it in my mind.
• 14:13
  Kyla: Justifying
• 14:14
  Christie: it.
• 14:14
  Christie: But I'm just laughing at the timing of
• 14:16
  Cheryl: all of
• 14:16
  Christie: this.
• 14:16
  Christie: Oh.
• 14:16
  Christie: It's true.
• 14:17
  Christie: It's true.
• 14:17
  Christie: It's just out of this
• 14:18
  Cheryl: world.
• 14:18
  Cheryl: This is the biggest parenting gift I've ever seen.
• 14:21
  Cheryl: It is.
• 14:21
  Christie: Yes.
• 14:22
  Christie: Yes.
• 14:22
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 14:22
  Kyla: So the day before this whole situation happens with my child, the day before, I march into the UPS Store.
• 14:30
  Kyla: I mean, the whole time in my mind it's guilt, and I'm handing over the box and I'm having him scan the QR code.
• 14:36
  Kyla: And
• 14:36
  Christie: I'm- Was, was this child with you?
• 14:37
  Kyla: No.
• 14:38
  Kyla: Okay.
• 14:38
  Christie: Okay.
• 14:39
  Kyla: Not at the time.
• 14:40
  Christie: Okay.
• 14:41
  Kyla: But I did it.
• 14:42
  Christie: Uh-huh.
• 14:43
  Kyla: So,
• 14:44
  Christie: The walk of shame- Yeah back to your car-
• 14:46
  Cheryl: But listen- with your pretty curly hair to everything she described about the way she felt- Uh-huh when she did it.
• 14:51
  Kyla: Uh-huh.
• 14:52
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 14:52
  Cheryl: And then look how he said that child clearly- Right shame, knew it was wrong- Mm-hmm was feeling the feeling of guilt, but wanted what they wanted.
• 15:02
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 15:02
  Kyla: Wow.
• 15:03
  Kyla: Wanted what they wanted.
• 15:04
  Kyla: Uh-huh.
• 15:06
  Cheryl: That's exactly you, and I just started going,"Yes, Kyla.""This is the best thing I ever heard." You know, probably said,"If I ever write a book, this is gonna be a whole chapter," because look at the gift Of empathy- Mm.
• 15:21
  Cheryl: Mm and understanding-
• 15:23
  Christie: For sure
• 15:24
  Cheryl: instead of going,"And you are on this path.
• 15:26
  Cheryl: You're gonna be a, who knows?
• 15:28
  Cheryl: You may be- You brought
• 15:29
  Christie: disgrace on our family
• 15:30
  Cheryl: an em- an embezzler in the future." Right.
• 15:33
  Cheryl: Everything.
• 15:33
  Cheryl: Instead of saying,"Oh, my goodness."
• 15:35
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 15:36
  Cheryl: Come alongside and sit with me."
• 15:38
  Christie: Right.
• 15:39
  Cheryl: I understand."
• 15:40
  Christie: Especially, like we said a minute ago, because you are a rule follower.
• 15:44
  Christie: Yes.
• 15:46
  Christie: It is not far-fetched to say, it would've been hard for you to really empathize with the child because- Right it's not something that you would normally be tempted to do.
• 15:55
  Christie: Right.
• 15:55
  Christie: Yeah.
• 15:56
  Kyla: Exactly.
• 15:57
  Cheryl: And she didn't have to reach back to when she was five years old.
• 16:00
  Christie: Uh-huh.
• 16:01
  Cheryl: It was-
• 16:02
  Kyla: The day
• 16:02
  Cheryl: of 24 hours.
• 16:03
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 16:05
  Cheryl: And then we began to process- Wow how you could use this- Mm.
• 16:09
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm for dynamite- Mm-hmm mm-hmm in your son's life.
• 16:12
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 16:13
  Cheryl: Okay?
• 16:13
  Kyla: Oh.
• 16:14
  Christie: So how did you move forward?
• 16:17
  Kyla: Well, I decided, after processing, thinking, and talking, to use that situation as a gift.
• 16:27
  Kyla: And the few days later, the same situation, we had our 30 minutes, we had, you know, one child in an appointment this store, and I remember saying,"Hey, you know, instead of doing our normal thing," you know, it was still embarrassing.
• 16:45
  Kyla: They never wanted to go in that store again.
• 16:47
  Kyla: Let's just come over here and park the car and talk." And we were in the parking lot.
• 16:51
  Cheryl: And now I'm thinking- Yeah they were thinking,"Oh, boy." Mm.
• 16:54
  Cheryl: "Here's the talk."
• 16:56
  Kyla: Yes.
• 16:56
  Cheryl: I'm really gonna get it.
• 16:57
  Cheryl: We're right here by that store." Right.
• 16:58
  Cheryl: "And I'm gonna hear all the reasons," you know.
• 17:02
  Cheryl: And again, they're on one side of the wall.
• 17:05
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:05
  Cheryl: I'm on this side of the wall having to say all the parenting things.
• 17:07
  Cheryl: Right.
• 17:08
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:09
  Cheryl: And?
• 17:09
  Kyla: Well, I said,"I, I just wanted to follow up.
• 17:13
  Kyla: I know we talked to the owners last week.
• 17:15
  Kyla: We're here right where it happened, but I have to tell you, thank you so much." Because I didn't realize until this situation happened what I had done the day before," and it was the same thing.
• 17:33
  Kyla: I wanted something for myself that wasn't mine, and I told them the whole situation.
• 17:39
  Kyla: Wow.
• 17:40
  Kyla: And I, I said- I actually right now, I've not confessed, I've not apologized, but I am going to call Amazon right now while we're waiting.
• 17:51
  Kyla: Wow.
• 17:51
  Kyla: Wow.
• 17:52
  Kyla: And, and, and use that time.
• 17:55
  Cheryl: I c- Oh I cannot even imagine the emotions that were going on- Oh, I know in that little heart.
• 18:01
  Cheryl: You what?
• 18:02
  Christie: Right.
• 18:03
  Cheryl: This is my mother who always does everything right.
• 18:06
  Cheryl: Right.
• 18:06
  Cheryl: Always tells the truth.
• 18:07
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 18:07
  Cheryl: Always...
• 18:08
  Cheryl: You know, even if we're not perfect, they see us as- Right m- as all of that.
• 18:12
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 18:13
  Cheryl: And she got to call Amazon in front of this child.
• 18:17
  Christie: That is- Yes so amazing, Kyla.
• 18:20
  Christie: And, and yes to the processing of your child thinking,"My mom- Mm-hmm who I know to be this one person, has a criminal secret- I don't know about." But also, your determination, I mean, I don't wanna call Amazon under good terms.
• 18:37
  Christie: Right.
• 18:37
  Christie: Yeah.
• 18:37
  Christie: But you're taking this effort to make a whole- Mm.
• 18:41
  Christie: I mean, it's clearly a gift given to you because the details are just too perfect.
• 18:47
  Christie: Yeah.
• 18:47
  Christie: But it could have also been something you could have swept under the rug-
• 18:50
  Kyla: Mm
• 18:51
  Christie: and not ever brought to your child, and just directed all the focus on their action.
• 18:58
  Christie: I'm so impressed.
• 18:58
  Kyla: Well, and it was Cheryl, you saying,"Wouldn't it be a gift to identify and we process how to handle it?" Mm-hmm.
• 19:06
  Kyla: So thank you- Well- for guiding me in that.
• 19:08
  Cheryl: Because that's, that's how we want to see life.
• 19:11
  Christie: Right.
• 19:11
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 19:11
  Cheryl: It's not, how can I fix this person?
• 19:15
  Cheryl: How can I deal with that?
• 19:17
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 19:17
  Kyla: Mm-hmm,
• 19:18
  Cheryl: mm-hmm.
• 19:18
  Cheryl: But I wish I'd always had the perspective, how can I bring you over here next to me?
• 19:25
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 19:25
  Cheryl: Um, my favorite Paul Tripp just says, um- One of the mistakes we make as parents is, we think we're so much more different than our children than alike them.
• 19:36
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 19:36
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
• 19:36
  Cheryl: And I think one of the things we need to see is where can we be alike in this?
• 19:41
  Kyla: Right.
• 19:42
  Cheryl: As I walk you down this path-
• 19:44
  Kyla: Mm-hmm
• 19:44
  Cheryl: and as we process this- Mm-hmm and come over here, and let's sit together and process this.
• 19:52
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:52
  Cheryl: How do you feel?
• 19:53
  Cheryl: What is this?
• 19:54
  Cheryl: Look at the implications.
• 19:55
  Kyla: And I get it.
• 19:56
  Kyla: Mm.
• 19:57
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 19:57
  Cheryl: Right.
• 19:57
  Kyla: Yes.
• 19:58
  Cheryl: So how did it wrap up?
• 19:59
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 20:00
  Cheryl: What did Jeff Bezos' people tell you?
• 20:03
  Kyla: Well, my, my child's eyes were as big as saucers while- I bet they were just I could see, you know.
• 20:11
  Christie: You're making this call to Amazon-
• 20:12
  Kyla: Yes in their
• 20:13
  Christie: presence.
• 20:13
  Kyla: Yes.
• 20:14
  Christie: Like, on speakerphone
• 20:15
  Kyla: or- But it, on speakerphone okay, uh-huh.
• 20:16
  Kyla: But it was funny'cause the guy I was talking to just kept saying,"Oh, well, what, what do you mean?""Okay, so you returned the wrong thing, but it was a half-inch size difference.
• 20:29
  Kyla: Okay." And he put me on hold and said,"Well, let me consult with my, my team." And he gets back on, and he says- He's
• 20:36
  Christie: probably being,"Let me go
• 20:37
  Kyla: laugh out loud
• 20:37
  Christie: about this."
• 20:38
  Kyla: Hey, we, we just wanna thank you.
• 20:39
  Kyla: Like, mistakes happen, and we understand you mistakenly returned the wrong thing.
• 20:43
  Kyla: It happens.
• 20:44
  Kyla: Thank you for your honesty." And I said,"Wait, wait, wait.
• 20:47
  Kyla: No, no, no.
• 20:48
  Kyla: I did not mistakenly return the wrong thing.
• 20:51
  Kyla: I did it intentionally on purpose, and I was stealing, and I knew I was returning the wrong thing." And he just got quiet.
• 21:00
  Cheryl: Look at this.
• 21:01
  Cheryl: Oh.
• 21:01
  Cheryl: I told you this was the most amazing.
• 21:04
  Cheryl: That's amazing.
• 21:04
  Cheryl: This may be a whole book.
• 21:05
  Cheryl: Uh-huh,
• 21:06
  Kyla: uh-huh.
• 21:06
  Cheryl: Okay, but Kyla, look once you chose to be humble-
• 21:11
  Kyla: Mm-hmm
• 21:11
  Cheryl: and vulnerable and genuine with your child, look at how honest you could be.
• 21:18
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 21:19
  Kyla: Right.
• 21:19
  Cheryl: I love that.
• 21:20
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 21:20
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 21:21
  Cheryl: When you're seeking to be truthful and honest and genuine, mm-hmm.
• 21:25
  Cheryl: I love the freedom that I see you operating in.
• 21:28
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 21:29
  Cheryl: Not just powerful parenting, but you're actually trying to convince them- you know,"No, I need to tell you the
• 21:37
  Kyla: truth." No, I did it on purpose.
• 21:38
  Kyla: Right.
• 21:38
  Kyla: It was purposeful.
• 21:39
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 21:39
  Christie: I intentionally did this.
• 21:42
  Christie: So what did this child of yours say after all of this was over?
• 21:48
  Kyla: Well, they, they just said,"Mom, did you make this up?""And did you create this situation?" Ah.
• 21:57
  Kyla: "Or did This really happen before this
• 21:59
  Christie: store?" They thought you hired an actor,
• 22:01
  Kyla: right?
• 22:01
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 22:01
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 22:01
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 22:02
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 22:02
  Cheryl: And that actually I didn't call Amazon.
• 22:04
  Cheryl: Uh-huh.
• 22:04
  Cheryl: This is really Christie on the line.
• 22:06
  Kyla: Uh-huh.
• 22:08
  Kyla: I just saw really a weight, you know, lifted off their shoulders.
• 22:11
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 22:12
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 22:13
  Kyla: And even, um...
• 22:14
  Kyla: It was just really neat, you guys, because we got home, you know, probably 15 minutes later, and they just sought me out, and they just wanted to be in my presence.
• 22:24
  Kyla: Wow.
• 22:24
  Kyla: Kind of like, you know, visit, talk- Mm-hmm process.
• 22:29
  Kyla: And even, you know, when we told the story later l- to my husband My child was just like,"And you know,, Mom called Amazon because she did the same thing." Whoa.
• 22:41
  Kyla: And he just didn't feel alone in it.
• 22:42
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 22:43
  Christie: Yeah.
• 22:44
  Christie: That is so- Mm.
• 22:45
  Christie: -incredible.
• 22:47
  Kyla: Well- That- embarrassing, you guys.
• 22:48
  Christie: I know.
• 22:48
  Christie: It's embarrassing to-
• 22:49
  Cheryl: I wouldn't say embarrassing.
• 22:51
  Cheryl: I would say this is one of the most powerful stories I've ever heard.
• 22:53
  Christie: Yeah.
• 22:54
  Christie: Yeah.
• 22:54
  Christie: Yeah, and such a true gift-
• 22:57
  Cheryl: Yes
• 22:57
  Christie: to your child.
• 22:58
  Christie: I mean, just that they can, on multiple layers, that they saw you as a human- Mm-hmm with empathy and understanding.
• 23:06
  Cheryl: Of them as a human.
• 23:07
  Christie: Yes, and that they didn't feel alone.
• 23:10
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 23:10
  Christie: That they don't have to feel the shame- Mm of it's only me, I did bad, this is who I am, that you were provided such a timely example.
• 23:21
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 23:22
  Christie: Okay, you said you talked to your husband about it.
• 23:23
  Christie: Does the rest of the family know, like the siblings?
• 23:26
  Christie: Do the siblings know what happened?
• 23:28
  Kyla: They don't know about anything with the one kid where there was stealing.
• 23:32
  Kyla: Uh-huh.
• 23:32
  Cheryl: They just know about you.
• 23:33
  Kyla: They just know about me.
• 23:34
  Christie: Yes.
• 23:34
  Christie: Okay.
• 23:35
  Kyla: Yeah.
• 23:35
  Christie: Okay.
• 23:36
  Cheryl: See, here's the thing.
• 23:38
  Cheryl: You just said-
• 23:39
  Kyla: Mm
• 23:40
  Cheryl: Who I am."
• 23:41
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 23:42
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 23:42
  Cheryl: There's no identity in this.
• 23:44
  Christie: Mm-mm.
• 23:44
  Christie: Yeah.
• 23:45
  Cheryl: The identity is we seek to walk in integrity.
• 23:49
  Christie: And that we're all human-
• 23:51
  Cheryl: Yes
• 23:52
  Christie: capable of falling short.
• 23:54
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 23:54
  Cheryl: in my own life, I care about integrity, too.
• 23:57
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 23:57
  Cheryl: And one of the things I wanted to do is walk with my children, helping them to see in books, in history, in Bible stories, the examples of when people did walk in integrity of who they were and when they didn't.
• 24:11
  Cheryl: And y'all, I used to say,"Look, how long does it take to build a reputation of integrity?
• 24:17
  Cheryl: Your whole life.
• 24:18
  Cheryl: How many choices to ruin it?
• 24:21
  Cheryl: One."
• 24:22
  Kyla: Mm.
• 24:22
  Cheryl: Okay?
• 24:23
  Cheryl: And I didn't see the condemning, shaming identity that that was.
• 24:28
  Cheryl: I was trying to talk about the beauty of integrity- Yeah and how you fight for it, n- not realizing, oh, condemn, condemn, shame.
• 24:37
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 24:37
  Cheryl: You know, don't ever make a bad choice.
• 24:39
  Kyla: When you said the last part is, how long does it take-
• 24:42
  Cheryl: Yes to ruin it?
• 24:43
  Cheryl: That part, how, one choice and you've ruined it all.
• 24:46
  Kyla: Right.
• 24:47
  Cheryl: And I did not see that.
• 24:49
  Christie: Which it's true.
• 24:51
  Christie: Of course it
• 24:51
  Cheryl: is.
• 24:52
  Cheryl: And it's,
• 24:52
  Christie: it's a great value system but when a person hears one and they know they've made one choice- W- that's
• 25:00
  Cheryl: right
• 25:01
  Christie: then there's left with,"Oh, then my integrity is ruined."
• 25:05
  Cheryl: R- there's no hope.
• 25:06
  Christie: Right.
• 25:07
  Cheryl: Shame, shame, shame.
• 25:08
  Cheryl: Right.
• 25:08
  Cheryl: There's no hope.
• 25:09
  Christie: Right.
• 25:09
  Cheryl: And so actually, one of my children, I talked with him one time, he said,"Mom, I wish I could have told you the shame that that brought on me." Mm.
• 25:18
  Cheryl: And I listened, I go,"I am so sorry."
• 25:21
  Christie: Mm.
• 25:22
  Cheryl: You're right.
• 25:22
  Cheryl: I did not see it." And then I said What would I say hearing that and now decades of parenting added?
• 25:31
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 25:31
  Cheryl: And I would change it to be, how many choices does it take for us to walk in integrity?
• 25:38
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 25:38
  Cheryl: See?
• 25:38
  Cheryl: Flipping it.
• 25:39
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 25:40
  Cheryl: One choice, and I'm walking in integrity.
• 25:42
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 25:42
  Cheryl: Not talking about losing it, like their- Mm integrity of stealing whatever it was- Mm or yours.
• 25:50
  Cheryl: Sure, it took one choice to lose it, but let's not let that be our focus.
• 25:54
  Cheryl: Right.
• 25:54
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 25:54
  Cheryl: How many Amazon conversations it take for you to walk in integrity?
• 25:58
  Cheryl: One.
• 25:59
  Christie: One, right.
• 26:00
  Cheryl: Isn't that powerful?
• 26:01
  Christie: Yeah, and I'm thinking of another way that I personally have, have inadvertently done the same thing with my kids, is the way I speak of others' actions.
• 26:12
  Cheryl: Yes,
• 26:12
  Christie: exactly.
• 26:12
  Christie: When I observe something that would be an undesirable trait in someone- Yeah and make it us and them.
• 26:19
  Christie: Like,"Well, we don't do that." That's right.
• 26:21
  Christie: "Those people do that," and put shame on these, you know, strangers or public figures.
• 26:27
  Christie: My kids were hearing that- Mm and thinking,"Oh, so if I make that choice, now I'm in the category of people- Of should that Mom doesn't- That's right approve of." Mm-hmm.
• 26:36
  Cheryl: We become an other.
• 26:37
  Christie: Yes.
• 26:38
  Christie: Yes.
• 26:38
  Cheryl: And I completely agree- Mm-hmm with you.
• 26:41
  Cheryl: The goal was a good goal.
• 26:44
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 26:44
  Cheryl: Uh, we were trying to talk about right and wrong.
• 26:47
  Cheryl: Cast vision for character.
• 26:48
  Cheryl: Cast...
• 26:49
  Cheryl: Of course.
• 26:49
  Cheryl: Right.
• 26:50
  Cheryl: And instead, it was casting a vision for shame-
• 26:53
  Christie: Right
• 26:54
  Cheryl: and otherliness instead of- Mm-hmm"Oh, we struggle.
• 26:58
  Cheryl: Let's walk together."
• 27:00
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 27:01
  Cheryl: And all it takes is one choice.
• 27:03
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 27:03
  Cheryl: And we aren't an other.
• 27:05
  Christie: Right.
• 27:06
  Cheryl: Amazing.
• 27:07
  Cheryl: Love that.
• 27:07
  Cheryl: I told you this was the coolest story ever.
• 27:09
  Christie: I love it.
• 27:10
  Christie: I love it, Kyla.
• 27:11
  Christie: I'm sorry that it brought- the spotlight to your-
• 27:15
  Kyla: My face is still red your room.
• 27:16
  Kyla: I'm like,"Okay, I'll tell the story."
• 27:18
  Christie: Yes, but thank you for sharing it.
• 27:20
  Christie: Yeah.
• 27:21
  Christie: Aw.
• 27:21
  Christie: 'Cause it is such a picture of how something like this can be redemptive, and healthy, and hopeful- Mm-hmm and an opportunity, like Cheryl said.
• 27:31
  Cheryl: I love that.
• 27:31
  Cheryl: See, I like the word redemptive, that that's the way I wish I had always seen stumbling, and mistakes- Mm and wrongdoing, and outright sin, and maybe illegal choices- Right if you will.
• 27:47
  Christie: Right.
• 27:47
  Cheryl: Okay?
• 27:48
  Cheryl: That we could look for the redemption in it.
• 27:51
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 27:53
  Cheryl: But if I'm on the other side of the wall from my kids- Mm or anybody else- Yeah how can I be an agent of redemption?
• 27:59
  Christie: Right.
• 28:00
  Cheryl: And we don't wanna say,"Oh, it's okay.
• 28:02
  Cheryl: Steal, it doesn't matter." Mm-hmm.
• 28:03
  Cheryl: What you did in front of your child, you made it very clear it was wrong.
• 28:07
  Christie: Right.
• 28:08
  Cheryl: But I'm trying to redeem it and make it right.
• 28:10
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 28:10
  Cheryl: And that's what matters, and that's what your child will remember- Yeah probably their whole life.
• 28:16
  Cheryl: And- Mm I am guessing, again, that grandchildren will hear this story.
• 28:21
  Christie: Mm.
• 28:21
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 28:22
  Cheryl: And that child will be able to tell it from the redemptive, regaining- Mm-hmm walking in integrity choice, and not- You're out of here.
• 28:34
  Cheryl: Right.
• 28:34
  Cheryl: You're one of the others.
• 28:35
  Kyla: You're a failure.
• 28:36
  Christie: And this is- Right this is obviously the most picture-perfect, crystal clear- It sure is scenario.
• 28:42
  Christie: Um, but if, with enough self-awareness, we can all come to our kids' shortcomings with understanding and empathy.
• 28:52
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 28:52
  Christie: We can all look in our own lives, and, and that's actually another gift of a mirror- Sure is you're looking in the mirror and saying,"You know, maybe I didn't steal from somebody this week, but I have been dishonest." And, you know, find those common roots of, um, faulty character where we can connect with our kids.
• 29:12
  Cheryl: Which is- Mm-hmm looking for how we're more alike than different.
• 29:16
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 29:16
  Cheryl: But we're not compromising.
• 29:18
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 29:18
  Cheryl: Okay?
• 29:18
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 29:18
  Cheryl: We're saying,"Come over here and let's talk about it." You never said it was okay.
• 29:23
  Christie: Right.
• 29:24
  Christie: Right.
• 29:24
  Cheryl: All of this, matter of fact, you lived out that it was not okay.
• 29:27
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 29:28
  Cheryl: But it's the identity and the shame and the lack of hope or redemption.
• 29:33
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 29:33
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 29:33
  Christie: And we're talking about a young child with a small-
• 29:36
  Cheryl: Yes
• 29:37
  Christie: relatively, in the s- Mm-hmm grand scheme of things, small offense.
• 29:42
  Christie: But this travels through- Yes really hard teen circumstances, really hard young adult circumstances.
• 29:48
  Christie: The principles are still there- Mm-hmm even when you're in a, a-
• 29:52
  Kyla: There's bigger consequences.
• 29:52
  Christie: Yes, yes.
• 29:54
  Cheryl: let's do fast-forward.
• 29:56
  Cheryl: Let's say when our kids are in their 40s, and maybe someone loses their job because they did compromise in some way.
• 30:04
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 30:04
  Kyla: Mm-hmm.
• 30:05
  Cheryl: I want to be that safe person-
• 30:07
  Kyla: Mm-hmm
• 30:07
  Cheryl: that my child would be willing to come across and say,"Man, I need to tell you something." Mm.
• 30:12
  Cheryl: And we're all heartbroken about it, but they don't come in shame.
• 30:16
  Cheryl: Right.
• 30:16
  Cheryl: They're thinking,"I'm gonna cast shame, and then I'm putting shadow on them.
• 30:20
  Cheryl: I mean, they know what, that we will be brokenhearted with them, not at them.
• 30:24
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 30:26
  Kyla: Huge.
• 30:27
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 30:27
  Cheryl: Kyla, we do want to thank you- Yeah so much- Aw for your willingness to come in and to share this story, because it is a powerful one.
• 30:37
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 30:37
  Kyla: Thank you, guys.
• 30:38
  Cheryl: Thank you so much.
• 30:39
  Cheryl: This is great.
• 30:41
  Cheryl: Love you, Hey, parents, hang in there.
• 30:46
  Cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering, because it's worth it
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: I keep thinking about what that child carried away from that parking lot.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: Not just that the choice was wrong, but that they weren't alone in it.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: We're all gonna have moments with our kids that are messy and hard to know how to handle Maybe part of what they need most is to know that in the middle of it, we're not going anywhere.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: We can be honest about what happened, clear about what was wrong, and still stay close enough to walk through it together.
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: We'd love to hear from you.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: You can find us through The Parenting Podcast website, or connect with us on social media