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71 | Let's Start on the Funny? · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: Matt, let me ask you something.
• 0:02
  Matt: Ask away, my friend.
• 0:04
  Eric: You ever been wonkovatored?
• 0:06
  Matt: Wonkovatored?
• 0:07
  Eric: Wonkovatored.
• 0:08
  Matt: As in as in Charlie and the great glass elevator, Wonkovatored?
• 0:13
  Eric: Uh let me help you out here a bit, because it is a term I just invented.
• 0:17
  Eric: Oh, I thought it might be.
• 0:32
  Matt: Yeah, tell me your drug-induced tale.
• 0:36
  Eric: Have you ever been told something so deeply and unfathomably upsetting that it just misses you?
• 0:49
  Eric: Do you know what I mean?
• 0:50
  Matt: Like just misses you.
• 0:52
  Matt: Like just go you like you feel nothing.
• 0:54
  Eric: Not that you feel nothing, like you ignol you, you you see how you can understand intellectually how upsetting and sad it is.
• 1:02
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:03
  Eric: But it's so much that you you you skip right past the, you know, you hear something kind of sad, it makes you kind of sad.
• 1:11
  Eric: You hear something really sad, it makes you really sad, maybe a little anxious.
• 1:14
  Eric: But then there's a there's a point at which it's just so fucking sad that it it it wraps all the way around back to just neutral.
• 1:23
  Eric: Like it's like, huh.
• 1:24
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, I think I am picking up what you're putting down.
• 1:28
  Eric: I'll I'll give you an example.
• 1:29
  Eric: Well, I figured you might be.
• 1:31
  Eric: And this and this is this is what prompted me to come up with the term wonk evader, because that was like the only thing I could use to describe what I was feeling.
• 1:39
  Eric: And that's what I mean.
• 1:40
  Eric: That's what I mean with the term wonk evader.
• 1:42
  Eric: It's so upsetting that you get up enough speed to break through the glass wall that is your emotions, and just you just like, I oh man, that's a that's a I think I can see this bummer from all the way up here, but yeah.
• 1:55
  Matt: Yeah, but you're distant from it.
• 1:56
  Eric: You're exactly it's it's almost absurdly sad.
• 2:00
  Eric: It's it's sad to the point of absurdity, and you can't even relate to it because it's that sad.
• 2:06
  Matt: I'm with you.
• 2:06
  Matt: I'm with you.
• 2:07
  Eric: We were driving home.
• 2:10
  Eric: It was like 12, 1 a.m.
• 2:13
  Eric: Okay.
• 2:14
  Eric: I'm in the car with my girlfriend.
• 2:16
  Eric: We are coming home from like hanging out with some friends.
• 2:19
  Eric: I I can't I can't even tell you what prompted Alyssa to to give me this this fact, but she she told me, Did you know that for children who have cancer, they've designed drugs that they give to the children with cancer that make them forget how horrific their cancer treatments are.
• 2:43
  Eric: Do you see what I mean?
• 2:44
  Eric: No, I didn't know that.
• 2:46
  Matt: I didn't know that.
• 2:48
  Matt: And like now I do.
• 2:49
  Matt: And now you do.
• 2:51
  Matt: Now I do.
• 2:52
  Matt: And it's too sad.
• 2:55
  Eric: It is it is so, it is so sad that like I can't it like the anxiety and and and angst and dread that would come with something like just missed me.
• 3:07
  Matt: It was just it's almost like some sort of wonk evader type moment.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_04: Exactly, Matthew.
• 3:13
  Matt: That's how I'd describe it.
• 3:15
  Matt: Eric, I want to just gently remind you that this is a comedy podcast, is that's what it's billed as.
• 3:21
  Matt: And I just wonk evadered our audience.
• 3:24
  Matt: Yeah, you might have, you might have, or you might have sent someone in driving home uh in their in their own right at 1 a.m.
• 3:34
  Matt: listening to us, need a good laugh, need a upbeat chuckle for their for their midnight ride home, just like Paul Revere.
• 3:43
  Matt: And they get to this cold open when you talk about the child cancer dementia drugs.
• 3:53
  Eric: Oh, yes.
• 3:54
  Eric: And my favorite part will be our listeners trying to describe to a friend about one of the hosts talking about how he heard about childhood cancer drugs that make them forget the pain of cancer treatment, and somehow and and and and explain to their friends how he quote felt nothing.
• 4:10
  Matt: Yes, you felt nothing for both I'm gonna say children and cancer.
• 4:17
  Matt: No, I want to be clear.
• 4:18
  Matt: Children and cancer, you feel nothing for either.
• 4:21
  Matt: And when they're and when the when the twain meet, oh, forget it.
• 4:26
  Matt: You are 10,000 feet in the air.
• 4:28
  Matt: Oh no, Charlie.
• 4:30
  Matt: Oh no.
• 4:33
  Matt: This look down there, Charlie.
• 4:35
  Matt: That's yours.
• 4:37
  Matt: It's all for you, Charlie.
• 4:39
  Eric: Oh, wait, Matt, I think I remember I think I realize why I've never heard a term like Wonk evader before.
• 4:44
  Eric: Uh, I think they just call it dissociation.
• 4:47
  Matt: It might be dissociation because this child's dying, and here you are going like, it's called chemotherapy, Charlie.
• 4:58
  Matt: You can lose your hair.
• 5:00
  Eric: Matt, do you want to hear something potenti I and I'm I just remembered this too.
• 5:05
  Eric: This is another time in my life I've I've been wonkavatered.
• 5:09
  Eric: Um boy.
• 5:10
  Eric: Oh boy, yeah.
• 5:11
  Eric: You just keep on digging, buddy.
• 5:13
  Eric: And you're probably thinking to yourself, how could it get any sadder than what we just heard?
• 5:16
  Eric: Buckle up.
• 5:17
  Eric: I hope so.
• 5:18
  Eric: My dog patches when I was growing up.
• 5:21
  Matt: Don't you fucking dare bring a sad dog story into this podcast?
• 5:26
  Eric: My dog patches patches as a child.
• 5:31
  Eric: She was the dog I had from when like when I was like like 10 years old till I was like uh put the childhood nostalgia in there to it.
• 5:40
  Eric: Through college.
• 5:40
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 5:41
  Eric: Yeah.
• 5:41
  Eric: As she got older, uh huh, she she her hearing went first.
• 5:46
  Eric: Sure.
• 5:47
  Eric: And so she was deaf.
• 5:49
  Eric: Thank you.
• 5:50
  Eric: As she got even put that together with the her hearing went first, and then as I brace for impact, and then eventually she lost sight.
• 6:00
  Matt: Okay, great.
• 6:01
  Eric: She was blind and deaf.
• 6:02
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 6:03
  Eric: One day I'm sitting on the couch with my mom while our blind and deaf dog is just she's living her best life, happy as could be.
• 6:12
  Eric: Is she?
• 6:14
  Eric: But this was the intrusive.
• 6:16
  Eric: I think her best might have been prior to the deaf and blindness.
• 6:23
  Eric: Fair, fair.
• 6:24
  Eric: I uh strike that from the record.
• 6:25
  Eric: Her best life was probably before deafness and blindness, Your Honor.
• 6:30
  Eric: Before she was in a confused abyss.
• 6:32
  Eric: Matt, I had an intrusive thought enter my mind.
• 6:37
  Eric: Eric.
• 6:38
  Eric: And I had to speak it aloud.
• 6:40
  Eric: I turned to my mother and said.
• 6:45
  Matt: I don't even know what you're gonna say.
• 6:47
  Eric: Do you think she just wanders around wondering why we don't talk to her anymore?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_06: Oh my god, Eric!
• 6:54
  Matt: I fucking hate you.
• 6:56
  Matt: I can't believe we're starting.
• 7:00
  Matt: We're starting.
• 7:01
  Matt: I'm cutting you off.
• 7:02
  Matt: I'm cutting you off before you say some other bullshit.
• 7:05
  Eric: It's the saddest thing on earth.
• 7:20
  Matt: Hello, everybody, and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This, the comedy podcast that answers life's least pressing questions.
• 7:30
  Matt: My name is Matt Shea.
• 7:32
  Matt: My name is Eric Poach.
• 7:34
  Matt: And listen, Eric, you know, you did deliver us with some sad business in the cold open there.
• 7:41
  Matt: Nowhere to go but up, baby.
• 7:45
  Matt: Yeah, except first, I think um, I think first we need to take a little trip down.
• 7:51
  Eric: What great news.
• 7:53
  unknown: What great news.
• 7:54
  Matt: I think we need to take a little trip down.
• 7:57
  Matt: Because my friends, right now, all thoughts are on Oppenheimer and Barbie.
• 8:05
  Matt: You know, everyone's talking about it.
• 8:07
  Matt: And so I think it's appropriate that I say that I also am become death.
• 8:15
  Matt: The destroyer of worlds.
• 8:17
  Matt: Yep.
• 8:18
  Matt: My friends, uh, if you haven't heard, I'm afraid we have some rather sad news to break, and I I I think um I can't help but feel like myself and my bingo choices for Yad Bingo 2023 might have had something to do with this.
• 8:39
  Matt: Uh excuse me, bef before we get before we get going, um uh Jorge, can we get um can you maybe Ave Maria?
• 8:48
  Matt: Can you just bring in some Ave Maria for us?
• 8:51
  Matt: Thank you.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, there it is.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there it is.
• 8:56
  Matt: My friends Tony Bennett.
• 9:00
  Matt: The legendary legendary voice of many generations at this point.
• 9:07
  Matt: You uh the best friend of Lady Gaga, born August 3rd, 1926, died July 21st, 2023, in New York, New York.
• 9:24
  Matt: And as you may recall, I selected him as my celebrity death for the year in my 2023 bingo card.
• 9:34
  Matt: How fucking could you?
• 9:37
  Matt: Now, I will remind everyone that Eric selected Morgan Freeman.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_06: So Who still draws breath?
• 9:44
  Matt: Hopefully we don't have to do this again, but I I do feel somewhat responsible, so I wanted to take a moment to say, Tony, if if I had anything to do with this, my conscience will never, ever forgive me.
• 10:03
  Matt: This is a lesson that we have played and tempted fate.
• 10:10
  Matt: And it what did it cost?
• 10:12
  Matt: What did it cost, Eric?
• 10:14
  Matt: It cost this nation, nay, this world.
• 10:18
  Matt: An iconic voice, who, yes, I picked because he was sick and old.
• 10:24
  Matt: But that sickness and that oldness is no more.
• 10:30
  Matt: No.
• 10:30
  Matt: He's now at peace.
• 10:32
  Matt: Yes.
• 10:32
  Matt: And we are left alone to suffer with the sad memory of the voice of Tony Bennett.
• 10:42
  Matt: But that said, it does count as a bingo selection.
• 10:46
  Matt: Mark one down.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, in fact, let's ring it up.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, that's a bingo.
• 10:53
  Matt: Thank you, Kristoff.
• 10:54
  Matt: Thank you.
• 10:56
  Matt: So, yes, Tony killed you.
• 10:58
  Matt: Sorry about it, but hey, I am on my way to a bingo success story.
• 11:06
  Matt: But Eric, uh, that's a that counts for me because you picked, you you don't have Tony Bennett on your card because you have Morgan Freeman on your card.
• 11:16
  Matt: We we established fair is fair.
• 11:19
  Matt: We have to choose different people to die.
• 11:22
  Matt: And uh hey, I got a top-left square.
• 11:25
  Matt: That's a that's a big one.
• 11:26
  Matt: But Eric, I think we both uh let me just check real quick.
• 11:31
  Matt: I think we both get another square this week.
• 11:34
  Eric: Uh Jorge, can we Jorge, give me the X-Files theme?
• 11:39
  Eric: Thanks, babe.
• 11:40
  Matt: I do still believe.
• 11:42
  Eric: Um Gillian Anderson's my cousin, by the way.
• 11:46
  Eric: Um Hold on.
• 11:48
  Eric: Yeah.
• 11:49
  Matt: What?
• 11:49
  Eric: What?
• 11:50
  Matt: Is that a bit?
• 11:52
  Eric: No, that's not a bit.
• 11:52
  Eric: Gillian Anderson is my cousin.
• 11:55
  Matt: Gillian Anderson is your cousin.
• 11:57
  Eric: Yeah, Gillian Anderson is my cousin.
• 11:59
  Matt: Gillian Anderson.
• 12:00
  Eric: Jillian Gillian Scully Anderson is your cousin.
• 12:05
  Eric: Is my cousin.
• 12:06
  Eric: In real life.
• 12:06
  Eric: In real life.
• 12:07
  Eric: And you live in Dundalk.
• 12:09
  Eric: Yes.
• 12:10
  Eric: And uh let's let's so now that we've gotten the biggest thing.
• 12:16
  Matt: Gillian Anderson is your cousin How long have we been friends, Eric?
• 12:20
  Matt: And and this is the first I'm hearing that Gillian Anderson is your cousin.
• 12:25
  Eric: Well, it's the first you're hearing about it because I've never met Gillian Anderson.
• 12:29
  Eric: I'm never going to meet Gillian Anderson.
• 12:32
  Matt: She's family.
• 12:33
  Matt: Invite her to the barbecue.
• 12:34
  Eric: She is my cousin in the sense that her mom is my grandmom's cousin, and that technically makes us cousins, but it is like dubious at best, man.
• 12:46
  Matt: What I'm hearing is that I have been denied the opportunity to have met Juli Gillian Anderson in my prime.
• 12:57
  Matt: Because let's face it, I'm past it.
• 12:59
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 13:00
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no.
• 13:02
  Matt: This is a weird direction.
• 13:03
  Matt: Anyway.
• 13:03
  Matt: The won't be able to do it.
• 13:04
  Matt: Okay, so you're par apparently your cousins with Gillian Anderson, all kinds of, shall we call them Revelations?
• 13:11
  Matt: Hoy, bring the music back.
• 13:12
  Matt: Bring the music back.
• 13:13
  Matt: Get us again.
• 13:19
  Eric: Beautiful.
• 13:20
  Eric: I don't know if you all heard about a little committee hearing that happened.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_06: Congressional.
• 13:28
  Eric: Congressional bipartisan hearing surrounding the topic of unidentified aerial phenomenon hereafter referred to as UAPs.
• 13:41
  Matt: And previously referred to as UFOs.
• 13:44
  Eric: And biggest takeaways from this hearing are that there are fuck tons of sightings of UAPs slash UFOs by military personnel all the time.
• 13:59
  Eric: And every single time they try to report it or or get information about it, they are either ignored, it's swept under the rug.
• 14:09
  Eric: Uh if they keep pushing, their careers are threatened.
• 14:12
  Eric: They're threatened financially, uh, they're threatened with violence.
• 14:16
  Eric: Basically, they acknowledge that, yep, unidentified uh aerial phenomena are absolutely a thing.
• 14:24
  Eric: No, we do not know where they come from.
• 14:26
  Eric: Oh, by the way, they found bodies.
• 14:29
  Matt: They, yeah, he called them um biologics.
• 14:34
  Matt: He called them biologics, I think.
• 14:35
  Matt: Biologics, non-human biologically, non-human biologics were found on board.
• 14:42
  Matt: And now you may be saying, oh, well, the Pentagon, the Pentagon denied it.
• 14:47
  Matt: Well, of course the Pentagon denied it, but look how serious this has gotten.
• 14:51
  Matt: We have two whistleblowers who, let's face it, this is not exactly uh the best career move or social move to to to blow the whistle like this, but to go all the way to Congress in front of a panel that consists of both AOC and Matt Gates on the same fucking thing.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:15
  Matt: To to hear the same topic that, let's be honest, any reasonable person, I think, whether or not you believe we've made contact with aliens is besides the point.
• 15:27
  Matt: I think my belief is if you don't think that there is other life in this vast, potentially ever-expanding universe, and that we alone are it, you're a fool.
• 15:43
  Matt: You're a fool.
• 15:44
  Matt: You're a goddamn fool.
• 15:46
  Matt: I say you're a goddamn fool, sir.
• 15:48
  Matt: And so for those reasons, Eric, I think our mutual alien contact slash acknowledgement, bingo square.
• 15:59
  Eric: This counts as an acknowledgement.
• 16:01
  Eric: Like they, I'm sorry, but in a country where it take where look where like it takes us the better part of like half a century to acknowledge things that we absolutely objectively did, like you know, a hundred years ago or what have you.
• 16:15
  Eric: Um, I I think the fact that we had a congressional hearing where they said, yep, we don't know what it is, and we didn't make it, we know no one else did.
• 16:24
  Eric: That is the equivalent of them all but saying, Yes, aliens are 100% real.
• 16:29
  Matt: I have to agree, Christoph.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, that's a bingo.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: There it is.
• 16:36
  Matt: It's a two-squared episode, ladies and gents.
• 16:41
  Matt: We did it.
• 16:42
  Matt: We did it, and by we did it, I mean we didn't actually do it yet, but we're getting closer.
• 16:46
  Matt: We're getting closer.
• 16:47
  Eric: So Tony Bennett and the Congress did it.
• 16:51
  Matt: Man, I can't wait to see who we're gonna kill next year.
• 16:55
  Matt: Now, who daddy?
• 16:58
  Matt: Now, Eric, after all that depression, yeah, should we start on the funny?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: Let's let's let's have a few laughs.
• 17:05
  Matt: Why don't we try?
• 17:07
  Matt: All right, we got a question here.
• 17:10
  Matt: Uh, it comes from our friend at AJ Stiegler on Instagram.
• 17:14
  Matt: AJ Stiggs.
• 17:15
  Matt: The big the Steagman says, When do people in the Peanuts universe start talking with the adult voice?
• 17:24
  Matt: When they hit puberty, when they turn 18, does it vary?
• 17:29
  Matt: Now, Eric, this, as most of our questions are, is something I never even considered before.
• 17:35
  Eric: Never really thought about it.
• 17:37
  Eric: Because just going off of the show, the only objective measurement I have for when this transition takes place is once you grow tall enough that your head is no longer on camera.
• 17:54
  Matt: Yeah, I think well, so all the adults talk with the wah wah was.
• 17:58
  Matt: Yes.
• 17:59
  Matt: So right.
• 18:00
  Matt: All the adults talk in a wahwa.
• 18:03
  Matt: And so I think for me, there has to be some sort of correlation to the real question being when does one become an adult?
• 18:16
  Matt: Yes.
• 18:16
  Matt: Because that'll be the time that your voice to children sounds annoying and meaningless.
• 18:25
  Eric: Yes, but they can still, and that that's another kind of key thing here is that the peanuts still understand what the adult understands them.
• 18:33
  Matt: And we don't know what we don't, because the show and the comics are from a child perspective, we don't know if adults hear each other in a wahwa voice, and I would venture to guess that they don't.
• 18:47
  Eric: Yeah, no, they do not.
• 18:49
  Eric: They they I I think it's very much they don't even know anything's changed.
• 18:52
  Eric: It's kind of that like there is a something you lose moving from childhood to adulthood.
• 18:58
  Eric: Wait, is this supposed to be the funny part?
• 19:00
  Eric: Yep.
• 19:01
  Eric: There's some innocence lost from childhood to adulthood that you like something some sort of free joy that runs through your brain and veins.
• 19:09
  Matt: Something you will never get back.
• 19:11
  Eric: And that's okay.
• 19:12
  Eric: It's okay it's okay.
• 19:14
  Eric: That's life.
• 19:15
  Eric: But the adults, like, it's not like you're cognizant of the switch.
• 19:22
  Eric: It's not like one day you wake up you go, uh yes, I am adult.
• 19:25
  Eric: It's usually once you've blown way past that point that one day you go, Oh fuck, I am the adult.
• 19:32
  Matt: Yes.
• 19:33
  Matt: It when you realize that you have to step up because you were the adult in the room.
• 19:39
  Matt: That's what you're saying?
• 19:40
  Matt: Yes.
• 19:41
  Eric: You realize like one day you have the thought, I need an adult, and then you realize you are the adult.
• 19:47
  Matt: I here's I might have told this story before uh on an early episode, but I'm gonna tell it again because here's a moment I realized I was at least old, if not an adult.
• 19:58
  Matt: And that was I was home for like I think it was it was in the fall.
• 20:03
  Matt: Maybe it was Thanksgiving, maybe it wasn't.
• 20:05
  Matt: And I was helping my dad rake the yard.
• 20:09
  Matt: And he had this new rake that he was going on and on about.
• 20:14
  Matt: It's like polyurethane or something.
• 20:16
  Matt: Like the the leaves, Eric, they simply don't, they don't bunch in it.
• 20:21
  Matt: It like they're like allergic to the rake.
• 20:24
  Matt: So it gathers everything up in a nice cloud, but nothing gets stuck.
• 20:28
  Matt: You don't have to unclog it.
• 20:30
  Matt: It's and it glides through the grass.
• 20:32
  Matt: And my dad was showing all this with beaming pride.
• 20:36
  Matt: And I said, So this is what it's like, huh?
• 20:39
  Matt: This is this is what you get excited about now.
• 20:42
  Matt: Even though I also was acknowledging this is a really fucking cool rake.
• 20:48
  Matt: Yes.
• 20:49
  Matt: I think it's that moment.
• 20:51
  Matt: The moment you suddenly have an interest in a tool or an appliance.
• 20:58
  Eric: We when you become invested in something because of its practicality.
• 21:03
  Matt: Yes.
• 21:05
  Matt: Or or especially if it is a cost-saving measure.
• 21:10
  Eric: Oh, 100%.
• 21:12
  Eric: When you get giddy over like, oh, I'm gonna save so much money on this.
• 21:18
  Matt: If there's a sale, and especially if that sale is at somewhere practical, like a Home Depot or a grocery store.
• 21:26
  Matt: Yes.
• 21:28
  Matt: The if you make the conscious decision, if you've reached a point in your life where you make the conscious decision to get a store brand thing over the it to get the store brand Oreos over Oreos, you've become an adult.
• 21:45
  Matt: You've become a adult and children do not understand you.
• 21:48
  Matt: Yes.
• 21:48
  Matt: Or the I shouldn't they do understand you, but they do not acknowledge your words anymore.
• 21:56
  Matt: They can understand you, but you might as well be the hunt.
• 22:00
  Matt: Of an air conditioner.
• 22:01
  Eric: 100%.
• 22:02
  Eric: I would also say another barometer that I'm kind of now realizing of adulthood, your relationship to candy changes.
• 22:09
  Eric: And I'm not talking about like you like start, you know, you stop liking candy as much.
• 22:16
  Eric: No, you still like candy, but your relationship to it changes.
• 22:20
  Eric: Because when you're a kid and you see candy, you pick that shit up and you eat it.
• 22:27
  Eric: You know, like like we have Halloween where we just gorge ourselves.
• 22:30
  Eric: Like you see candy, you eat candy, candy good.
• 22:33
  Eric: I realized I was I was an adult when I started banking Reese cups in the freezer, like when I started doing them, like I was like gathering nuts for winter.
• 22:47
  Eric: Oh, yes, like you're stocking up.
• 22:49
  Eric: Or if you ever have the thought, like you go to oh you open the freezer or something, you're like, who ate my Reese cups?
• 22:56
  Eric: You're an adult.
• 22:57
  Eric: You're an adult.
• 22:58
  Matt: Yeah, I because someone with the heart of a child saw that Reese's and they just and they they did what the appropriate thing, which was eat them on site.
• 23:09
  Matt: Yes.
• 23:09
  Matt: Yeah, I do think it is it is this moment where some some of that joy that that childhood innocence has left you.
• 23:22
  Matt: And so now you are excited by life's practicalities.
• 23:26
  Matt: Yep.
• 23:27
  Eric: You are you're someone who gets jazzed about good rakes.
• 23:32
  Eric: You hide candy from yourself in a freezer because you know at some point you're gonna need it.
• 23:38
  Matt: You're someone who makes a smoothie that involves kale and like it.
• 23:45
  Matt: Yes.
• 23:46
  Matt: Nay are excited to drink it.
• 23:49
  Matt: That's the wawa.
• 23:50
  Matt: That has to be the wawa moment.
• 23:52
  Matt: That has to be the moment a child can no longer recognize you because they are still in the innocence of life, the joy of life.
• 24:00
  Eric: Yes, the the the selfish rapture of innocence, where you're just like, it's all give me.
• 24:07
  Eric: I want I just like give I want the flashy lights and the joy and the slides and the the ice cream cones.
• 24:15
  Matt: So the moment you're diagnosed with depression is when you That is that's when it all goes wrong.
• 24:24
  Matt: That's in which case, really, this whole podcast should have been a Wawa voice at this juncture.
• 24:32
  Matt: I can feel us slowly turning into Wawa voices as we're talking.
• 24:39
  Matt: So why we Eric, we better pivot and we better try to recapture some of the joy because Eric, I gotta tell you, we've been dragging these listeners through the fucking muff.
• 24:50
  Matt: This one's been a bummer.
• 24:51
  Matt: It's been not exactly the greatest of times.
• 24:54
  Eric: So, Eric, give us that cold open.
• 24:57
  Matt: I don't know.
• 24:58
  Matt: You said you had one and I let you do it.
• 25:00
  Eric: Now, Eric, why don't I texted Matt at three o'clock today and I said, Hey, I've got a cold open for once.
• 25:11
  Eric: Yeah, in fact, three guesses.
• 25:14
  Eric: Who's never getting that privilege back?
• 25:17
  Matt: It was at 425 when Eric said, I actually have a cold open with not one but two exclamation points.
• 25:26
  Eric: 425.
• 25:27
  Eric: Draw your own conclusions there, folks.
• 25:31
  Eric: 425, make your own joke here, folks.
• 25:35
  Matt: Eric, Eric, read the next question before I have to punish you with a nugget of sadness.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_04: Oh no.
• 25:42
  Matt: Um Eric, I blame you for what's happened, and I'm giving you a warning right now.
• 25:47
  Matt: Okay, if you bring this podcast down any further, I am gonna have to make you sad, and I know just the way to do it.
• 25:57
  Matt: I've done it before and I'll do it again.
• 25:59
  Matt: What?
• 26:00
  Matt: If you had a better memory, you'd remember this bitch.
• 26:03
  Matt: Oh man.
• 26:05
  Matt: No, you don't, and I know you don't, but the listeners might.
• 26:09
  Matt: The listeners might, and they know the threat that's coming.
• 26:12
  Eric: The eye of my mind is like pawing in the darkness, and I can feel there's something there that I certainly don't want to turn on the lights and look at.
• 26:22
  Eric: So I'm just gonna keep trucking.
• 26:24
  Eric: Man, is this like is this like the never-ending story?
• 26:27
  Eric: Is this our Swamp of Sadness episode?
• 26:30
  Eric: Are we paying the R tax?
• 26:33
  Eric: All right, so the next question.
• 26:35
  Eric: Are you gonna give it to us?
• 26:36
  Eric: I will, I will, I will.
• 26:38
  Eric: Our next question.
• 26:39
  Eric: This comes from one two three fake street on Reddit.
• 26:44
  Eric: That is one two three fake underco underscore street.
• 26:50
  Matt: Yes, we we in fact asked Reddit for some uh some questions about this topic, and uh yeah, this this one got delivered to us.
• 27:01
  Eric: And here's the question: what are alien relationships like?
• 27:06
  Eric: We tend to view them as unfeeling gray little animals with no concept for their capacity for love and empathy.
• 27:13
  Matt: Now, you you have to admit, even in fiction, this user, this fake user, has a point in that, you know, they're often unfeeling or, you know, the the best example that I can think of of being the opposite of that is have you watched Andor yet?
• 27:34
  Eric: No, I've seen well seen episode one, and that's it.
• 27:37
  Matt: Oh no, no, no, it's not Andor.
• 27:39
  Matt: It's the have you seen the new season of The Mandalorian?
• 27:41
  Eric: Oh, yes.
• 27:42
  Matt: So those alien that like alien Romeo and Juliet plot that briefly happens.
• 27:48
  Matt: That is the like one of the first times I can recall seeing, like, oh, here is literally a Romeo and a literal star-crossed lovers plot.
• 28:02
  Eric: Yes.
• 28:03
  Matt: Where these, you know, you see these not only the political family dynamics, like you see that in aliens and all kinds of media, but the the this love story uh and this genuine emotion is rare, I think.
• 28:19
  Eric: I would say uh it is very rare.
• 28:21
  Eric: It is the exception and not the rule when it comes to our fictitious depiction of alien relationships.
• 28:26
  Eric: Another like kind of good, like positive alien.
• 28:28
  Matt: Unless everyone in the show is aliens.
• 28:30
  Matt: You know what I mean?
• 28:31
  Matt: Unless it once everyone in the show is aliens, then we get once they're basically humans, we whenever there's a topic of like human and alien relations, we never really hear about what the aliens are.
• 28:44
  Matt: You know, in Independence Day, we don't see what the aliens on the ship's conversations are like.
• 28:50
  Eric: We yeah, we never get to see fucking small talk as Jeff Gullbloom is infecting their ship their mother ship with a virus.
• 28:58
  Matt: We don't get absolutely not.
• 28:59
  Eric: So what are alien relationships like?
• 29:01
  Eric: I like so this is this is fun for me.
• 29:03
  Eric: I love I the I love this shit because I I start from a place like, all right, what are relationships like for a species that is capable and when we say aliens in this context, I'm taking to mean if aliens came to Earth, because that's kind of a huge qualifier there, because then we're dealing like it's not like we're looking at a snapshot of just a random civilization in the middle of space that can't go anywhere like us.
• 29:28
  Eric: I'm talking about if an aliens alien to our world, by definition, meaning they've come here, means they're capable of interstellar faster than light travel, they're capable of performing 90 degree turns in full view of an F-16.
• 29:48
  Matt: They are fully so far ahead of us, intellectually, technologically, it would stand to say socially.
• 29:58
  Matt: Yeah.
• 29:58
  Matt: How does an how does how does a civilization we can't attain ourselves interact with one another?
• 30:07
  Matt: That is what you and I have been tasked with answering.
• 30:10
  Eric: Honestly, my my personal pet theory is that a civilization that is capable of that has reached a level, uh, and this is why I'm glad the the user uh fake street brought up Discord, like, hey, what's what no empathy?
• 30:27
  Eric: No, it's like no, I think when we see those a like when we see those the grays, the the the they're all like kind of um what's the word I'm looking monolithic in appearance and stuff like that.
• 30:39
  Eric: What I think we are witnessing is not a lack of empathy, uh, but what we are witnessing is a lack of individuality.
• 30:48
  Eric: I think for a civilization to become capable of these things, they have reached a level of empathy and understanding amongst each other that individuality has basically evaporated.
• 30:59
  Eric: They are a collective, they are a hive mind.
• 31:02
  Eric: But when we think hive mind, we think like brainwashing, like great, like no, I think like the cult like as a species, they have reached an enlightenment where they all basically perfectly understand each other and their collective goals so well that they are able to achieve such wild things.
• 31:24
  Eric: Wow.
• 31:25
  Eric: I got you, baby.
• 31:26
  Eric: Eric, I'll feed you, baby birds.
• 31:29
  Matt: Eric, that was that was beautiful, my man.
• 31:32
  Eric: And it's I bet you've really given this some thought.
• 31:36
  Eric: Oh, dude, I think about this stuff all the time.
• 31:39
  Matt: What else do you think about?
• 31:41
  Eric: Uh, I think about legitimately, um, one of the biggest questions when it comes to the alien stuff that's been coming up a lot recently.
• 31:49
  Eric: A very fair question that gets asked a lot is okay, we're assuming interstellar faster than light travel, we're assuming like like just assuming all that's true, and assuming that these claims are correct, that there have been I just got a TED talk now.
• 32:03
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 32:03
  Eric: Well, well, continue.
• 32:05
  Matt: I'm fascinated.
• 32:06
  Eric: If we're if we're assuming that these crashes have happened and that our government has recovered not only alien craft from these crashes, but bodies from these crashes.
• 32:18
  Matt: A very safe assumption, I have to say.
• 32:21
  Eric: The very fair question that a lot of people ask is well, if they're capable of crossing galaxies and all of it, and they have are able to create vehicles that defy every known law of physics on our planet.
• 32:35
  Eric: How the fuck do they just crash?
• 32:38
  Eric: Like, do you know what I mean?
• 32:39
  Eric: Like, it's look how fast they're going.
• 32:41
  Eric: So well, my my very firm belief, and this is this is uh about aliens and whatnot in general, is that these crashes.
• 32:51
  Eric: I do believe we are recovering crashed vehicles, I do believe we're recovering bodies, I don't believe these are accidental crashes, and I don't believe these are these were um unplanned events.
• 33:03
  Eric: I very firmly believe that aliens are seeding technology on our planet and testing us.
• 33:10
  Eric: Like I believe that what they are essentially doing is trying to figure out if we can hang on the galactic scale.
• 33:19
  Eric: Because if you read some of the the the interviews with like people who have who who again claim to have worked on like government contractor programs or like special DOD assignments, the basically what they've been tasked with doing is they're handed something, they're handed like, hey, look at this material and tell us how it was made, reverse engineer it.
• 33:43
  Eric: And people are like looking at like fucking molecule structures where like every molecule in this material is perfectly aligned, which is impossible to have incur in nature and impossible to do by any known technology or anything on our on our planet.
• 34:01
  Eric: Like we would have to completely rewrite our understanding of physics in order to even begin to know how to fabricate something like that.
• 34:08
  Eric: So that's what I think's happening.
• 34:10
  Eric: I think it's aliens basically going, hey, we're gonna sprinkle this on you.
• 34:14
  Eric: And if you can figure out how this works, you're on to something.
• 34:18
  Eric: Like you're you're getting there.
• 34:19
  Eric: And the bodies I believe they're recovering from the crash, I do believe they are biological.
• 34:24
  Eric: I do believe they are uh they are actual bodies.
• 34:28
  Eric: I don't think those are the bodies of the aliens themselves.
• 34:30
  Eric: What I think we are seeing are basically genetically engineered AI drones.
• 34:36
  Eric: Like if I'm an alien capable of intergalactic travel, I don't need to physically come to your fucking planet.
• 34:43
  Eric: I can send a camera.
• 34:45
  Eric: But like there's like there, if if I can do all of this stuff, there is zero point for me to be anywhere even in your solar system, let alone on your backwater planet.
• 34:58
  Eric: That's why I think it's much more like likely that they're like, oh yeah, cra crash the car and a couple of the couple of little worker drones on there.
• 35:06
  Eric: Let them see it.
• 35:07
  Eric: Let's let's see if they can figure that out.
• 35:09
  Eric: It's almost like Star Trek where they won't fuck with a civilization before they've developed warp travel.
• 35:14
  Eric: I think the aliens are trying to like actually train us, like teach us to be better, uh so we can hang out, so we can hang, so we can get on that galactic stage.
• 35:25
  Matt: Let me ask you this.
• 35:27
  Eric: Yeah.
• 35:28
  Matt: Did you just refer to Earth, our perfect paradise planet, and as far as we know, the only one we are capable of living on as a backwater planet?
• 35:39
  Eric: Hey man, you treat the planet like trash?
• 35:42
  Eric: I'm gonna call it trash.
• 35:43
  Eric: Well, the people are trash.
• 35:45
  Matt: I think we can all agree the people are trash.
• 35:47
  Matt: Oh, the people, oh, the planet is hurt.
• 35:49
  Matt: The planet is hurt.
• 35:50
  Eric: Gaia herself is fucking beautiful.
• 35:52
  Eric: She'll be here long after we're gone.
• 35:54
  Matt: Yeah, that's not what you said.
• 35:56
  Matt: You called her a backwater swamp lady.
• 35:59
  Eric: I did not say swamp lady.
• 36:01
  Matt: What I heard was she's a swamp lady and should be eradicated.
• 36:06
  Matt: I think you said that as well.
• 36:08
  Matt: Oh my god it was all implied.
• 36:10
  Eric: It was all implied, it was all implied, it was all there.
• 36:14
  Eric: But yeah, that's why, like, when it comes to aliens, I just get excited because I think we're we're literally like it it's like parents dropping a Rubik's cube into a toddler's playpen.
• 36:25
  Eric: They're like, or like something like that, like, let's see if he can figure out if the playing Beethoven in the back.
• 36:30
  Eric: Yeah.
• 36:31
  Eric: Or like, like, that's why you give toys like that to children.
• 36:34
  Eric: Like, you're like, oh, let's see if you can fit the rectangle in the rectangle hole.
• 36:37
  Eric: If you can and for us, it's just much more scaled up.
• 36:40
  Eric: They're like, All right, let's see if you can perfectly align molecules to create a lighter-than-air hard material, and we'll go for it.
• 36:47
  Matt: Eric, this I don't think this is a side of you the listeners have been exposed to before.
• 36:53
  Eric: No, I'm I'm realizing that too.
• 36:55
  Matt: Oh, you really just went on like a PowerPoint presentation.
• 36:59
  Eric: I think about this stuff so much, and I talk and I talk about it a lot with uh with Joey, uh, who you've met.
• 37:07
  Eric: Yes, yes.
• 37:08
  Eric: Uh he's listening to this right now, going, That's my boy.
• 37:11
  Matt: Yeah, well, go go.
• 37:14
  Matt: I believe, as the kids once said, go off, king.
• 37:21
  Eric: Um I mean, it like it's it it's pretty much all that makes sense to me.
• 37:27
  Eric: I mean, like, because the other angle, like, I don't know why people worry about if the aliens are gonna harm us, because it again, they're capable of interstellar faster than light travel.
• 37:37
  Eric: If they wanted to hurt us, we'd already be dead.
• 37:40
  Matt: Yeah, I d no, I agree with that.
• 37:42
  Matt: If they they they certainly are capable of it, if that's what they wanted to do, they would have done it already.
• 37:48
  Matt: Instead, I do think you're right that they are kind of treating us as like a science experiment.
• 37:53
  Matt: Yeah, like to see to to observe us, to see what it is that we're doing and and how far behind them we are.
• 38:02
  Eric: Precisely.
• 38:03
  Eric: Like at best, they're trying to help us reach like a collective enlightenment.
• 38:08
  Eric: At worst, we're like an alien ant farm.
• 38:12
  Eric: Well, yeah, you can thank Alyssa for that that gem of a music joke.
• 38:15
  Matt: Somewhat I was just gonna say what a poll that was.
• 38:21
  Matt: Well done.
• 38:22
  Matt: But no, alien AAF aside, the the um at worst, I'd say they're they're assessing us from a militaristic uh standpoint, in a you know, an a sp espionage standpoint, and have found us to be not a threat.
• 38:46
  Eric: No.
• 38:47
  Eric: So they're like, so basically it's like, well, let's see if yeah, yeah.
• 38:50
  Eric: They're like, they're not even we we we don't even register.
• 38:54
  Matt: Do you think maybe they've leveled up?
• 38:56
  Matt: They've done like they started with the crop circles and were like, okay, let's see what they make of this little puzzle.
• 39:02
  Matt: And then we didn't get very far, so they're like, okay, let's give them let's give them some uh biologics and see.
• 39:11
  Matt: Let's smear some alien shit in there.
• 39:13
  Matt: He didn't say bodies, he just said biologics.
• 39:16
  Matt: And so let's see what they make of this.
• 39:19
  Matt: And what they made of it was they tried to keep it uh hidden from the public.
• 39:24
  Matt: Of course, there's also the option this is all one giant smoke screen.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_04: For the real problem coming from under the earth's surface.
• 39:34
  Matt: Oh, I was gonna say the um bureaucracy of capitalism that's causing half of our population to that too, you know, over and over again, generation after generation.
• 39:45
  Matt: Yeah.
• 39:46
  Matt: Comedy podcast we have for just absolute hilarity.
• 39:53
  Eric: Oh, but but real talk listeners, I will I love this shit.
• 39:58
  Eric: So anytime you want to talk about this, fucking give us a ring on the thought line.
• 40:02
  Eric: Give us your thoughts, give me your theory.
• 40:04
  Eric: I love fucking theories and shit.
• 40:06
  Eric: I it's it's some of the most fun.
• 40:08
  Eric: You can you can hit us up on Instagram or something.
• 40:11
  Eric: I will gladly chat with you about the wildest shit.
• 40:14
  Eric: Holy mole, this goes out to you especially.
• 40:16
  Matt: 410-929-5329.
• 40:20
  Matt: That's the uh that's the address you need to listen to.
• 40:24
  Matt: So, Eric, do you think at this point you um you've expressed everything that you have to express?
• 40:31
  Eric: Only this is my summary.
• 40:34
  Eric: For alien relationships, I think as a society or as a species becomes advanced enough, it becomes less about individual relationships.
• 40:45
  Eric: I think individuality starts to go away.
• 40:48
  Eric: And that's and I don't mean that in a negative, I mean the collective empathy grows to a point where the relationship stopped being about between alien and alien and starts being about aliens and everyone else.
• 41:01
  Eric: And that's why I think the aliens are trying to do us a solid.
• 41:03
  Eric: I think it is an expression of empathy and and respect that they are trying to help us, but also need us to figure it out on our own.
• 41:12
  Matt: That we, let's be honest, would never show them.
• 41:15
  Matt: So we uh of course, the mainstream opinion of humans is well, if if uh aliens were gonna reach out, they'd attack us because that's what we'd fucking do to them.
• 41:25
  Matt: 100%.
• 41:27
  Matt: And we haven't elevated our society to the point where we can be the adults in the room.
• 41:34
  Eric: And there's nothing more alien to us than a culture that exists without selfishness or greed.
• 41:42
  Matt: Wow, Eric.
• 41:44
  Matt: Just God damn! You did it, you solved society.
• 41:49
  Matt: And with that in mind, Eric, I think it's time to go to one last question here before we get to a closing segment.
• 41:56
  Matt: And for this, uh, let's once again talk to uh a friend we introduced on our last uh episode, our good friend Chad GPT.
• 42:06
  Eric: Oh yeah, oh Chad, give it to us.
• 42:08
  Eric: And what did what did Chad uh here we go?
• 42:10
  Eric: If trees could walk, would they form their own societies?
• 42:15
  Eric: Chad, I am so glad you asked.
• 42:18
  Eric: Because when Professor Tolkien translated the Red Book of Westmarch, I knew he was gonna do this, he gave us such a glimpse into the rich, vibrant culture that is the end.
• 42:35
  Eric: Now, I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel, but of course not.
• 42:40
  Eric: I you know I think for this question, Matt, we need to take the good work that the professor did uh when he translated the works that we know as uh the Lord of the Rings.
• 42:55
  Eric: I think we need to, and I'm gonna hate myself for this, set those aside because he's he's already perfected it.
• 43:02
  Eric: I think we need to talk about trees that can walk in a vacuum, sans Lord of the Rings, as translated by Professor J.R.R.
• 43:12
  Eric: Talking.
• 43:14
  Matt: Thank you, Eric.
• 43:15
  Matt: And I you know, I had a feeling that was the direction you're gonna go.
• 43:18
  Matt: But Eric, I don't know if you're aware of this, but I actually think the best way to attack this question is in reverse, because we know we have the scientific knowledge that trees communicate with one another through systems of roots, through their leaves, through all kinds of stuff that let's face it, I'm not qualified to fucking tell you about.
• 43:42
  Matt: No, but we it has been proven that trees are cognizant and communicate to one another.
• 43:51
  Matt: They have already formed their societies.
• 43:56
  Matt: Yes.
• 43:56
  Matt: That is my point.
• 43:58
  Matt: The would they form societies?
• 44:00
  Matt: If they can walk, Chad.
• 44:02
  Matt: The walking is irrelevant.
• 44:04
  Matt: They've already done the the society building.
• 44:09
  Matt: What they need to do now is learn how to move them stumps.
• 44:15
  Eric: They gotta move them.
• 44:16
  Eric: We gotta wiggle them little root grippers.
• 44:19
  Matt: Gotta uproot themselves and take over this work.
• 44:23
  Matt: Yes.
• 44:24
  Eric: Now, how do they do that?
• 44:26
  Matt: Now that's a question that I'm not sure about because they are wood.
• 44:30
  Eric: They are wood.
• 44:32
  Matt: What I'm thinking is Famously inflexible.
• 44:35
  Matt: Flexible.
• 44:36
  Matt: Or very flexible.
• 44:38
  Matt: Very flexible.
• 44:38
  Matt: Depends on the wood.
• 44:39
  Matt: Depending how on depending on depends on the wood, depends how you cut it.
• 44:42
  Matt: Oh I'm no craftsman.
• 44:45
  Matt: I'm no carpenter.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_04: I don't mean to imply that I'm some sort of Oh no.
• 44:53
  Matt: Careful with that voice.
• 44:54
  Matt: Careful with that voice there.
• 44:56
  Matt: Sorry.
• 44:57
  Matt: Whew.
• 44:58
  Matt: You had a new character going, and then it seemed like you were just slipper.
• 45:03
  Matt: Slipping right off the dock like a slippery bass and slippery little catfish going back home to the mud.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_04: Slipping into this bit like I was slipping into a bubble bath on a hot night in July.
• 45:19
  Matt: You know what?
• 45:19
  Matt: We needed it.
• 45:20
  Matt: Honestly, we needed them back.
• 45:21
  Eric: We we we need it just just a taste, just a taste, just a feel.
• 45:24
  Eric: Just as a treat.
• 45:25
  Eric: Um as a treat.
• 45:29
  Eric: So how do we get trees walking?
• 45:31
  Eric: Um honestly, I think some sort of symbiotic relationship with fungus is gonna be necessary.
• 45:40
  Eric: I think if and which by the way, trees already have trees like when you think of a tree.
• 45:47
  Eric: Trees are friends with everybody.
• 45:48
  Eric: Trees are friends with everyone.
• 45:49
  Eric: Trees, much like human beings, are not just like what we appear to be.
• 45:53
  Eric: You look at a tree, you go, oh, stump, roots, leaves, that is tree.
• 45:57
  Eric: But no, a tree is the insects, it is the fungus on the bark, it is the water inside of the tree, it is so many things, much like you or I are we are skin, bones, you know, etc.
• 46:09
  Eric: But we're also all the the the bacteria, like we have entire colonies of bacteria in our body that we must rely on or we die.
• 46:18
  Matt: But let me say, let me say one thing to you, Eric.
• 46:21
  Matt: Whereas you have given all this thought to the aliens, I, and I do mean this seriously, have pondered the trees for many, many moons of my life.
• 46:32
  Matt: And by but by which I mean, I want you, Eric, to imagine yourself as a tree for a moment.
• 46:39
  Matt: I'm there.
• 46:40
  Matt: You and the listeners, close your eyes and imagine yourself as a tree.
• 46:47
  Matt: What must it be like, folks?
• 46:50
  Matt: What must it be like to have this life where you are completely unconcerned with quote unquote accomplishing anything?
• 47:03
  Matt: No, you're not thinking about legacy, you're not even thinking about like how can I get taller?
• 47:10
  Matt: You're just you are what you are and you're stactationary.
• 47:16
  Matt: You've got like a you're like a lighthouse, just looking out upon the world and experiencing it as it comes to you, as storms come by, as as tree diseases come and go, you know what I'm saying?
• 47:35
  Matt: Your branches fall off in a storm, and you have to evolve around it.
• 47:40
  Matt: You have to grow new ones as your as the your teth to this world grow deeper and stronger by the moment.
• 47:48
  Matt: But the moment might as well be a millennia because you are just here, and what exists for us is a mere afternoon of psychological and emotional trauma as you're trying to make it from three o'clock to five o'clock so you can punch the fuck out.
• 48:03
  Matt: When you're a tree.
• 48:07
  Matt: When you're a tree.
• 48:10
  Eric: Fuck it.
• 48:10
  Matt: You're at peace.
• 48:11
  Eric: To quote a great podcast co-host, go the fuck off, King.
• 48:16
  Matt: When you are a tree, imagine the breeze going through your hair.
• 48:21
  Matt: Eric, first of all, I never fucking told you to open your eyes.
• 48:24
  Matt: Sorry.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_06: I'm sorry.
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_06: I was trying to paint you a fucking picture.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_06: Please, please paint me your word picture.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_06: Please, tree daddy.
• 48:38
  Matt: What must it be like, Eric, for all those concerns you had about work today or something going on at at home?
• 48:48
  Matt: I don't know, maybe you know, whatever it happens to be, a medical bill, uh whatever might cause you stress.
• 48:56
  Matt: What must that be like when you're a tree?
• 48:59
  Eric: Fucking nothing.
• 49:00
  Eric: Nothing to aspire toward because you're already you're already like just by existing, you have already won.
• 49:08
  Eric: Like you have you're you're like, I've I've done it, you're you're just pure abiding and reaction.
• 49:14
  Matt: And from that perspective, Eric, I would venture to say, Why would you need to walk anywhere?
• 49:21
  Eric: You ain't gotta fucking walk anywhere.
• 49:24
  Matt: Why would I need to go anywhere when I finally, as a tree, have accomplished a feeling of euphoria, a feeling of I was about to say purpose, but nay, the realization that you don't need a purpose.
• 49:44
  Eric: You can just be from from start to finish as a tree, you are whole the entire time.
• 49:51
  Eric: You there is never a point in which you are like required to do anything other than just exist.
• 50:00
  Eric: That's right.
• 50:01
  Eric: Oh god, trees fucking rule.
• 50:04
  Matt: And you just become older and wiser as you stay in the same place, n and really, truly knowing it.
• 50:17
  Matt: Yep.
• 50:17
  Matt: Knowing it.
• 50:19
  Matt: Because you're connected to it.
• 50:21
  Matt: Eric, I tell you I have thought about the trees.
• 50:25
  Matt: Clearly, and oh I've given this thought to the trees, as I've stared out my window with my existential dread at my cherry blossom tree that's outside of my window, and I say, What dreams might you have?
• 50:40
  Matt: You, a tree that has no business being on this soil, but here you are.
• 50:46
  Matt: Here you are, cherry blossom.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_04: A tree whose dreams fall from its branches like acorns to become more trees.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_04: My god, Eric.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_04: Damn!
• 51:00
  Matt: What it must be like to be a tree.
• 51:06
  Matt: What must it be like when a squirrel lives inside of you, though?
• 51:09
  Matt: Man.
• 51:10
  Matt: Oh man, what's that like?
• 51:12
  Matt: That's gotta be an exciting time of year.
• 51:13
  Eric: That's got yeah, that's like do they even perceive like let's let's go out, let's go out on a limb.
• 51:20
  Eric: Hey! Let's go out on a limb and say trees can perceive.
• 51:23
  Eric: Like, like trees cognize the way we do.
• 51:27
  Eric: Like they can perceive.
• 51:29
  Eric: For them, from their perspective, everything must be happening so lightning fast around them.
• 51:35
  Eric: Like, kind of like how for you and I, like, bacteria are born, live, and die on us every second of every day.
• 51:44
  Eric: And then for the tree, the squirrel is the bacteria, the the we're we're the we're we're a fucking virus, but absolutely for them, it just has to happen like everything must seem to move so goddamn fast.
• 52:00
  Eric: It's all like just going by lightning speed.
• 52:04
  Matt: Or is it is it deeper than that?
• 52:06
  Matt: Is it not necessarily happening so fast, but like they don't have the concern enough to to spend the energy being like, oh, what's this guy doing with this chainsaw?
• 52:19
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 52:20
  Eric: Like, I don't think trees feel pain.
• 52:22
  Eric: Like, I that's what it's like.
• 52:23
  Eric: Like, obviously, I am devastated and heartbroken when I they cut down a tree in our park, super fucked up.
• 52:29
  Eric: I left for work one morning.
• 52:30
  Eric: The crow tree?
• 52:31
  Eric: Huh?
• 52:32
  Eric: Not it was one of the crow trees.
• 52:35
  Eric: Oh yeah, oh yeah.
• 52:36
  Eric: Oh no, and like when I left for work, I saw them cutting down branches.
• 52:40
  Eric: I thought they were just like trimming it, trimming it, and when I got home, it was a fucking stump.
• 52:46
  Eric: And then two days later, it wasn't even that.
• 52:50
  Matt: Is it like the uh that's just like what fucking Universal fucking did to the strike, try to break the strike, cutting illegally trimming a tree of all of its branches, a tree that has been there, a tree that was providing shade for striking union laborers that you are treating unfairly, and you took that tree away.
• 53:13
  Matt: God damn right.
• 53:14
  Matt: How dare you! And also don't cross the fucking picket line.
• 53:18
  Eric: Oh, we don't cross picket lines on this podcast.
• 53:21
  Eric: Look, the second we get the call from SAG AFTRA telling us to stop our podcasting and support them, we're there.
• 53:28
  Eric: We're there.
• 53:29
  Eric: The second we get that call from SAG president Fran Dresher, that's right.
• 53:36
  Eric: The second we get that call from her personally, that's when we says, we need you.
• 53:42
  Eric: We boys, we goddamn it, this movement has needed a lot of things, and now it needs two thirty-something white men with a podcast to get the word out that strike.
• 53:57
  Eric: To really send this thing into overdrive.
• 54:01
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 54:02
  Eric: I'll tell you what, I've stopped, I've stopped writing Hollywood scripts.
• 54:05
  Matt: I'll tell you this.
• 54:07
  Matt: I I haven't accepted a single film contract, goddamn right, and we won't strike particularly.
• 54:13
  Eric: We don't fucking scab.
• 54:15
  Eric: And I shan't.
• 54:16
  Eric: I haven't been on a single, you know, movie set.
• 54:21
  Eric: I haven't gone to uh any, you know, award shows or functions.
• 54:26
  Matt: No, no, I haven't received a single Oscar.
• 54:29
  Eric: Nope.
• 54:30
  Matt: And I continually won't until the strike is over, and then I assume I will.
• 54:36
  Eric: Not that Jillian Anderson has ever responded to my texts, but if she did, I couldn't respond.
• 54:42
  Eric: Not in good.
• 54:43
  Matt: No, absolutely.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_06: Oh no.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_06: Big lines, bigger line.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_04: Eric, do you actually know what's happening?
• 54:56
  Matt: It's best to treat them as if they don't exist.
• 54:59
  Matt: Yes.
• 55:01
  Matt: So anyway, I think we've answered this tree question.
• 55:05
  Matt: Maybe.
• 55:06
  Matt: Maybe.
• 55:07
  Matt: Uh oh, yeah.
• 55:08
  Matt: Trees don't need to walk.
• 55:09
  Matt: Trees don't need to walk.
• 55:10
  Matt: And they've already formed their societies.
• 55:12
  Matt: We could have done this in 10 seconds.
• 55:14
  Eric: It is a testament to how we are in the process of traumatizing AI.
• 55:20
  Eric: It is such a human thing to equate walking with society.
• 55:26
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 55:27
  Eric: Because that's what we do.
• 55:29
  Matt: And the flaws in the system of AI right there.
• 55:34
  Matt: The flaws that we gave it.
• 55:37
  Eric: Like we gave it.
• 55:39
  Eric: That side note, kids, just one more tangent down conspiracy theory lane, though I don't like calling them conspiracy theories.
• 55:46
  Eric: Whenever someone brings up to me, like they're like, uh, AI isn't actual AI.
• 55:50
  Eric: All it is is inputs given to something, and then it responds to those inputs with outputs.
• 55:58
  Eric: And I'm like, you're so close to getting what it means to be a human being.
• 56:05
  Eric: Correct.
• 56:05
  Eric: You are yeah, all they're doing is you're responding to circling in the drain, friend.
• 56:10
  Eric: Yeah, like you're right there.
• 56:11
  Eric: You're so close to understanding yourself.
• 56:14
  Eric: So close.
• 56:16
  Matt: Uh man.
• 56:17
  Matt: Anyway, uh, I we I think we answered the question who could possibly remember what it was.
• 56:25
  Matt: And so I think from that from that perspective, Eric, should we move on?
• 56:30
  Matt: Because we have a couple of things to circle back follow up on.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_06: I want to circle back, follow up.
• 56:35
  Matt: Uh last episode, we talked about um the Millennial Margaritaville.
• 56:41
  Matt: We talked about what the Millennial Margaritaville might be.
• 56:46
  Matt: And as part of that, we talked about not only the state of mind of Margaritaville, but the actual song.
• 56:52
  Matt: What would be our Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville?
• 56:56
  Matt: And we landed on that it would be the killer's Mr.
• 57:00
  Matt: Brightside.
• 57:01
  Matt: Yes.
• 57:02
  Matt: And in our wisdom, we said, whoever is out there, give us the crossover, give us the mashup of Mr.
• 57:12
  Matt: Brightside and Margaritaville.
• 57:16
  Matt: And Eric, one of our not only dear listeners, but featured guests.
• 57:25
  Matt: A dear guest and friend of us.
• 57:29
  Matt: Ian the Holy Mole, past guest of You Didn't Ask for This, and co-host and co-creator of the Strange Mole Show Podcast, did give us a mashup.
• 57:41
  Matt: And uh, Eric, it's only about a minute and change long, so I think we should reward the listeners who've made it this far through this weird, somewhat depressing, and philosophical podcast episode.
• 57:54
  Eric: They've earned it.
• 57:55
  Matt: With this treat.
• 57:56
  Eric: So take me away, Ian.
• 58:11
  Ian the Holy Mole: Strum in my six string on my front police wings.
• 59:31
  Matt: Ian the holy brick and ball.
• 59:35
  Matt: Ian, you fucking geni like.
• 59:38
  Matt: You legend.
• 59:40
  Matt: You absolute legend.
• 59:42
  Matt: And there is a I didn't fade that out.
• 59:44
  Matt: That's where it ends.
• 59:45
  Matt: That's all he gave us, but that's all we needed.
• 59:47
  Eric: That it would I I am Ian, I'm fucking speed.
• 59:52
  Eric: Like, if someone just asked me on the street, like, what is the point of your podcast?
• 59:56
  Eric: Like, what is this all for?
• 59:58
  Eric: I'm like, I'm sorry.
• 1:00:00
  Eric: If if nothing else ever came of this show other than Ian's mashup of Margaritaville and Mr.
• 1:00:09
  Eric: Bright Side, I couldn't.
• 1:00:10
  Eric: We've accomplished something.
• 1:00:12
  Eric: We've done something.
• 1:00:13
  Matt: We we and it should be noted, we did nothing.
• 1:00:17
  Matt: We did absolutely nothing.
• 1:00:18
  Matt: Nothing.
• 1:00:19
  Matt: But what we did what we did do, Eric, is we spurred creativity.
• 1:00:22
  Eric: We spurred well, like I did.
• 1:00:24
  Eric: It makes me so happy because I think like we created a show, we made a friend who wanted to be a guest on our show.
• 1:00:32
  Eric: We had him on here.
• 1:00:33
  Eric: He listens to our show, he listens to the crazy ass shit that comes out of our head, and that inspired him to do this as an amazing song.
• 1:00:44
  Eric: Oh, it's so perfect.
• 1:00:46
  Eric: God, play it at my funeral.
• 1:00:48
  Eric: Play play it at my fucking funeral.
• 1:00:53
  Matt: Yeah, so uh so anyway, that uh that is once again Ian the Holy Mole from the Strange Mole Show podcast by all means.
• 1:01:03
  Matt: Absolutely go listen to it.
• 1:01:06
  Matt: We've we uh obviously when he was on the show, we promoted it before.
• 1:01:10
  Matt: Uh it's so good.
• 1:01:11
  Eric: It like his show is you just got a sample, like a sliver of the genius and madness that is the whole of the of the quality of production that you're gonna get too.
• 1:01:24
  Matt: Um, 100%.
• 1:01:26
  Matt: So listen to the show, and also uh Ian did make us aware recently that um he has a business at genx.co.uk.
• 1:01:37
  Matt: That's g-en-x-s.co.uk for what I think is really fucking cool.
• 1:01:45
  Matt: It's these like walking aids, uh, custom canes and such that you can that you can order.
• 1:01:54
  Matt: And the he's got what some that look that look and light up like lightsabers.
• 1:01:59
  Matt: They're so fucking cool.
• 1:02:01
  Matt: There's one called the Eddie prototype, which is this amazing, like revolver looking, uh like a gun out of say Fallout kind of thing.
• 1:02:13
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:02:14
  Eric: And and these are for people like if you need a walker, if you need a cane, if you like they're just so you can feel you can have all the joy of light up shoes, but for your walking aid.
• 1:02:26
  Matt: Yeah, there's one called the Roland, uh, you know, for you know, those of you like me, the Stephen King fans out there, the uh it it it speaks to my soul to have uh a gunslinger type cane.
• 1:02:39
  Matt: Because like it look, when you need a cane or a walking aid of whatever, there's a there's a weird stipulation.
• 1:02:45
  Matt: And so if you can make that feel, if you can make yourself feel good through it, man, I just think what you're doing's great over there, Ian the Holy Mode.
• 1:02:53
  Eric: What a what a fucking cool and like just bad, like that's the shit I want to throw money.
• 1:02:59
  Eric: Like that is the stuff, like that's what we should be dumbing money for.
• 1:03:03
  Eric: Like making making people just feel awesome.
• 1:03:07
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:03:08
  Eric: Just just be bringing kick-ass energy to things that our society has decided doesn't get to be kick-ass.
• 1:03:17
  Eric: Except there's Ian, two middle fingers in the face of the sun and God saying, No, I will create this badass cane.
• 1:03:26
  Matt: Yes, so absolutely go check that out.
• 1:03:30
  Matt: Uh, again, that's genxcess.co.uk.
• 1:03:34
  Matt: And that link is also in this episode description.
• 1:03:37
  Matt: So just go ahead, click on it right now to check out those cool ass canes.
• 1:03:42
  Matt: And of course, listen, please, to the strange mole show wherever you get your podcasts.
• 1:03:48
  Matt: Uh, I can't say enough good things about it.
• 1:03:51
  Matt: Um, and um, yeah, Ian, thanks so much for sending in this beautiful song and caring as much about the show as you do.
• 1:03:58
  Eric: Thank you, Ian.
• 1:03:59
  Eric: You fucking rule.
• 1:04:01
  Matt: You fucking rule indeed.
• 1:04:03
  Matt: And Eric, truly, I think that'll about do it.
• 1:04:06
  Eric: Oh, that'll do it this episode.
• 1:04:08
  Matt: Yeah, you didn't ask for the wait a minute, Eric.
• 1:04:12
  Matt: I'm just realizing, hold on a second.
• 1:04:14
  Matt: This just this literally this is unplanned.
• 1:04:16
  Matt: This just hit my brain.
• 1:04:18
  Matt: Would you consider?
• 1:04:20
  Matt: Hold on a second, let me make sure the verbiage is correct.
• 1:04:22
  Eric: Okay, okay.
• 1:04:23
  Eric: I am I paid for the whole seat, but I only need the edge right now.
• 1:04:28
  Matt: Eric, would you consider or would you have considered Jonah Hill to be a wholesome celebrity?
• 1:04:37
  Eric: Holy shit.
• 1:04:39
  Eric: Honestly, if you'd asked me this a year ago, I would have said no.
• 1:04:45
  Eric: But ever since he brought Kanye back on like from the from the precipice, I was like, oh, that's pretty pretty, pretty fucking cool of you, Jonah Hill.
• 1:04:56
  Matt: But then But then But then it turns out Jonah Hill's a kind of a piece of shit.
• 1:05:04
  Matt: Now we Eric, we've come close to calling this bingo square before.
• 1:05:09
  Matt: I I think we got it.
• 1:05:11
  Matt: Do we think he is he cancelled?
• 1:05:14
  Eric: Oh, oh, he's done he is donezo.
• 1:05:17
  Eric: I've seen it.
• 1:05:18
  Matt: Do we think do we think six months ago, largely speaking, he was considered to be a wholesome celebrity?
• 1:05:25
  Eric: Oh my god, he's the dude that got that got ye to admit that Jewish people are people.
• 1:05:31
  Eric: Yeah, it's pretty goddamn wholesome.
• 1:05:33
  Eric: Christoph?
• 1:05:34
  SPEAKER_06: Ooh, that's a bingo.
• 1:05:38
  SPEAKER_06: Three in an episode, baby.
• 1:05:40
  SPEAKER_06: We're cooking now.
• 1:05:42
  SPEAKER_06: Holy shit.
• 1:05:44
  Matt: We are cooking now, and let me tell you something, Eric.
• 1:05:49
  Matt: We have uh uh we're getting there.
• 1:05:52
  Matt: I'm looking at the grids, they're coming along, so uh you know, uh with these three, we've got a real shot.
• 1:06:00
  Matt: This bingo thing might just happen in year one of this new tradition.
• 1:06:04
  Matt: Let's see.
• 1:06:05
  Matt: Um, but again, that just crashed in my brain while I was trying to end the show.
• 1:06:10
  Eric: You're so good.
• 1:06:10
  Eric: No, no.
• 1:06:11
  Eric: That was Matt.
• 1:06:12
  Eric: You know, we don't derail here often, but if we're going to, I want it to be because Jonah Hill's a bad person.
• 1:06:20
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 1:06:21
  Matt: And that's just what happened.
• 1:06:23
  Matt: But let's get right back on the track.
• 1:06:24
  Matt: That'll about do it for this episode of You Didn't Ask For This.
• 1:06:27
  Matt: Of course, we do need your questions.
• 1:06:29
  Matt: Please send them to us.
• 1:06:31
  Matt: You can do that at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com.
• 1:06:34
  Matt: That's all spelled out.
• 1:06:35
  Matt: But you can do it on the social media on Facebook, Twitter, or X.
• 1:06:42
  Matt: Ugh.
• 1:06:43
  Matt: Oh fuck.
• 1:06:44
  Eric: I forgot about that.
• 1:06:45
  Matt: The threads.
• 1:06:46
  Matt: Uh if anyone's doing the threads, you can do it.
• 1:06:49
  Matt: We're on the threads.
• 1:06:50
  Matt: We're on YouTube.
• 1:06:51
  Matt: We're all over the fucking place at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:06:54
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:06:56
  Matt: And we're also on the Reddit, too, kind of secretly.
• 1:06:59
  Matt: Um but you might just see us on the uh anyway.
• 1:07:03
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, X, whatever.
• 1:07:08
  Matt: Uh just drop us a line.
• 1:07:11
  Matt: Drop us a oh, and of course the thought line.
• 1:07:14
  Matt: Uh leave us a message.
• 1:07:15
  Matt: Or leave us a mashup of a song or two.
• 1:07:19
  Eric: Oh my god, leave me your cool ass theories about aliens, the universe, time, space.
• 1:07:26
  Eric: And life.
• 1:07:27
  Eric: I'm all for it.
• 1:07:28
  Matt: And trees.
• 1:07:30
  Eric: And trees.
• 1:07:31
  Matt: God, we love a tree.
• 1:07:32
  Matt: 410-929-5329.
• 1:07:35
  Matt: Call us up.
• 1:07:36
  Matt: Call us up.
• 1:07:37
  Matt: We're lonely.
• 1:07:38
  Matt: Not really.
• 1:07:39
  Matt: Are we?
• 1:07:40
  Matt: Cripplingly lonely.
• 1:07:41
  Matt: No, no.
• 1:07:42
  Matt: We have people that love us.
• 1:07:43
  Matt: Against all odds.
• 1:07:45
  Eric: I'm looking right at one.
• 1:07:46
  Matt: Um that's funny, yeah, because I'm looking right at one.
• 1:07:49
  Eric: Bro, uh Matt, can you do me a favor?
• 1:07:51
  Eric: Can you can you close your eyes real quick?
• 1:07:53
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:07:54
  Eric: Tell me what you see.
• 1:07:55
  Eric: What do you see right now?
• 1:07:56
  Eric: Literally, what do you see?
• 1:07:58
  Matt: Darkness, and my eyes are closed.
• 1:07:59
  Matt: So so would you like to do that?
• 1:08:00
  Matt: If you wanted me to see something, you shouldn't ask me to close my eyes.
• 1:08:02
  Eric: No, no, no.
• 1:08:03
  Eric: Do you see something?
• 1:08:05
  Matt: I see black.
• 1:08:06
  Eric: What's the eye?
• 1:08:07
  Eric: You see black, so would you say you see nothing?
• 1:08:10
  Matt: I I already said that.
• 1:08:12
  Eric: Well, that's what I am without you, bro.
• 1:08:16
  Matt: Did it again.
• 1:08:17
  Matt: Did it again, man.
• 1:08:18
  Matt: Regular old Shakespeare over here.
• 1:08:21
  Matt: So from all of us here, you didn't ask for this.
• 1:08:24
  Matt: My name is Matthew J.
• 1:08:26
  Eric: My name is Eric Poach.
• 1:08:28
  Matt: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:08:30
  Eric: But NASA legitimately, July 1st, 2023, this year, had a whole ass public press conference where they showed footage of a fucking UFO that they had in the Middle East.
• 1:08:46
  Eric: And people aren't talking about it.
• 1:08:48
  Matt: People aren't talking about it, Eric, and I find that to be a travesty.
• 1:08:52
  Eric: God damn travesty.
• 1:08:55
  Matt: Was there a you know, like a a fun quip or a joke to no, no, no.
• 1:09:02
  Matt: Go Google because normally we end with like a fun, like a joke, and then I place it the music and the damn.
• 1:09:11
  Matt: Ian, get us out of this.
• 1:09:14
  SPEAKER_04: Get us out of this, Ian.
• 1:09:20
  Ian the Holy Mole: Nibbling our sponge cake, watching the sun bake.
• 1:09:23
  Ian the Holy Mole: All of those tourists are covered with oil.
• 1:09:26
  Ian the Holy Mole: Straw and my six string on my front port swing.
• 1:09:30
  Ian the Holy Mole: Smell those shrimp, let begin in a fall.
• 1:09:33
  Ian the Holy Mole: Don't all the reasons, stay there of season.
• 1:09:36
  Ian the Holy Mole: Nothing to show but this branded tattoo.
• 1:09:39
  Ian the Holy Mole: It's a real beauty, a mixture cutie.
• 1:09:43
  Ian the Holy Mole: How it got hit.
• 1:09:44
  Ian the Holy Mole: I have a little place to weigh it again.
• 1:09:48
  Ian the Holy Mole: I gotta read a film.