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Breaking the Chains of Burnout: A New Approach to Work-Life Balance · Business for Humans

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Welcome to Business for Humans. I'm Jamie Gennaro, business coach and consultant,
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and today we're talking about breaking the cycle of burnout,
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stress, and the stories we tell ourselves that keep us stuck.
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In this episode, we'll explore how to lift your head up, set boundaries,
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and reclaim your health, happiness,
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and balance without sacrificing your career or well-being. Enjoy.
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Music.
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Well, hello. It's been a while.
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My last podcast was before the holidays, and then pneumonia.
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So I lost my voice, was also just so tired, I couldn't really get out of bed, and it took a while.
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So now I'm back. We're close to the end of January.
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And I'm so committed to getting this podcast back because the ideas are afloat.
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There is so much I want to talk about with you all in the hopes that you will get some inspiration,
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maybe make some changes, or just double down on what's working. And that's fine too.
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But I want to talk through what we can do in 2025 to really change the things that aren't working.
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I think something that we do often is just because we're workhorses and because
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we're high achievers and because we're committed to all of our responsibilities.
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We just put our heads down and we put our blinders on and we tell ourselves,
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this is just what we have to do. There are no other options.
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It doesn't necessarily feel good, but it's my responsibility.
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This is a story we tell ourselves that we really fundamentally want to believe
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because it gives us a reason to put our heads down and to not make a change.
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Because change is scary, right?
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It's perfectly aligned with the human nature of,
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to move away from pain and towards pleasure. It's just, that's the way our brains are wired.
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There's nothing wrong. It means that your survival instinct is intact.
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You're seeing things that are uncomfortable.
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You're just putting your head down. You're finding ways to buffer around that discomfort.
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So you're maybe watching more TV or you're binge eating or you're not exercising
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or you're doing all the things that we do when we're not necessarily feeling
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like we're in our best place.
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I don't want you to do that anymore.
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And here's what I'm going to tell you. Here's why. And here's kind of my mantra, my philosophy.
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So I got pneumonia. And I talk a lot on this podcast about my immune system disorder.
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And the reason and I talk about it, is because my hypothesis,
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I'm 90% sure, although it hasn't been backed up by a doctor,
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but I do a lot of reading of medical publications, and the science is out there.
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I spent 20 years, maybe, let's add a few on,
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20 plus years with my head down, feeling discomfort
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feeling pain stressed overwhelmed
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high levels of cortisol working through the night never taking breaks not prioritizing
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exercise here's what I want to tell you guys and ladies and men and women and
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all genders in between if you do that for 20 years plus,
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10 years plus, five years plus, the toll on your body, you might not see it now. It's coming.
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And my philosophy here and my mantra here, the reason I do what I do,
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the reason I executive coach and I do leadership trainings is because I want
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to remove the pain at work.
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And let's just call it a necessary pain.
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There are jobs that create pain and discomfort, but.
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And if you're committed to doing that kind of work, it's 100% correct that you're
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going to feel pain and discomfort at work.
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And that might mean you're a doctor, you're a child psychologist,
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you're a domestic abuse counselor.
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There are jobs where there is discomfort and pain, and it goes with the territory,
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and there are tools to work through that.
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But you can't escape the work or escape the fact that it's going to create some
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discomfort. It just goes with the territory.
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But there are many jobs that are not related to curing cancer or doing brain
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surgery or helping victims of domestic violence.
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There are jobs where we sit in front of the computer, we create busy work,
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we market products, we sell packages, we provide a service, and none of these
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things are changing the world.
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They're providing jobs, right?
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Like we generally like what we do. We're not curing cancer.
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And yet we drive ourselves and drive ourselves and drive ourselves and put our
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heads down and tell ourselves it's our responsibility. We just have to do it.
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I just have to make the money. I just have to be responsible.
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And all this pain and discomfort will go away once I get to this hypothetical finish line.
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As we all know, that finish line doesn't exist because people will say,
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oh, it's just the season.
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Oh, it's just this project. As soon as we get through this push,
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it's just, you know, at the end of the year, we have this push and it's normal.
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Oh, once this thing is over.
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If you're somebody who's told yourself that multiple times, what you know is
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that there will be another project and there will be another season and there
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will be another push and there really isn't an in-between.
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So what do we do? What do we do now? Okay, so now we recognize we've been in
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a state of having our head down.
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This is all resonating with you, right? You're like, yep, I've just been putting
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my head down, trying to ignore the problems, pushing through the pain,
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not exercising, not taking care of myself, high levels of stress,
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high levels of cortisol.
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So it's a choice. And I just want to make that feel not victimizing, but empowering.
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You make a choice every day you decide to work past five.
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And I know there's some construction happening. So if you hear it, apologize.
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I don't know what's happening out there, but something, something's happening.
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I don't want you to feel like a victim. And I also don't want you to make the
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excuse that, oh, but Jamie, like there are these responsibilities and I have
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to get them done. Yes, you do.
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And there's always the option to talk to the person who's creating the deadline
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and work with them on it. That is always an option.
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So rather than looking at it like this is how it's always done,
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this is how I have to do it, which is this story that we're trying to break, right?
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You're telling yourself that story in your personal life and then you're keeping
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that story alive at work.
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Like this is just the way we do it. This is the way it has to get done.
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What I want you to do is take the blinders off,
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lift your head up, and ask yourself,
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if I could have it my way, if I could have the exercise and the taking care
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of myself and less pressure and less stress, what is the solution?
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Let's get creative. there's a
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problem to solve I'm working 70 hour weeks
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I am under too much stress I
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am working through my vacations there's a
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problem to solve and we want to get rid of the story that that's the only way
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to do it or I just have to do it until let's just put those stories to the side
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because I really want to keep re-emphasizing they aren't facts.
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The facts are there's a deadline. The facts are there's someone who has paid
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us for a service or paid us for a product that needs to get developed and shipped
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out the door, right? Those are the facts.
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The way we get there is open,
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right we are creative humans now
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we have access to ai brains let's find
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a way to get there that doesn't involve you ending up almost 50 with an immune
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system disorder that takes you out of the game that gives you brain fog that
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puts you in the hospital that makes you have to take medication every day.
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I don't want that for you.
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And trust me, the reason I'm doing this is because I see another way.
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It is possible to live a life where you do work that is either mediocre or fine or good or you love it.
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All those options are fine, but there's a way to do it that doesn't kill you or make you sick.
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There is a way. And what I tell my clients too is that sometimes it is the environment
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and sometimes it is not the environment.
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And I know that if you're my client and you're listening to this,
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you know what you brought into that environment.
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And I know that you're very aware of what's yours.
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So try to separate those two things.
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Like I know what's mine and what I bring into this space, which might be an
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addiction to work and a feeling of guilt.
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If you don't over perform this idea that I have to prove myself,
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those are the things you bring.
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And this is why I love coaching because those are the things we can coach on.
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Those things are things that you can find awareness around and tools and work
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through, and you won't take them to your next workplace.
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And or you might be able to stay in your current environment using your new tools.
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And that's obviously the best case scenario because you don't have to make a
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change. You don't have to go out looking for a job.
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You can just kind of like clean up your side of the street,
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set new boundaries communicate in a new way take some leave like do all the
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things to make it feel good recalibrate your schedule like i'm working with
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a company right now and one of the people on the leadership team just decided
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hey i'm i want to go down to four days a week,
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Maybe for years they wanted to do that, but they never mentioned it.
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But they brought that idea forward. Of course, the owner who's very flexible
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is like, yeah, let's do it.
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They negotiated what that would look like.
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And she started four days a week at the beginning of the year. So ask for what you want.
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There's a lot of martyrdom sometimes that happens when we push and push and
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push and we're like, look at all my sacrifice.
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And you realize nobody is looking at your sacrifice.
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Nobody is paying attention. They're looking at their own sacrifice.
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So don't expect someone to pat you on the back for all the sacrifice.
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Just don't make the sacrifice. right? Unless you're a partner in the business,
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unless you have ownership shares in the business and moving that business forward
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really is going to affect your business.
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Every decision that you make in that business is going to affect your future
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and what's next for a lot of people's futures, right?
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If you're not a partner, you're an employee. And that means you can take the
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pressure off yourself to move mountains for that company because you're not
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getting the back-end benefit of moving mountains.
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So do your job and do it well. And that means do your job at 85%, 90%.
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Reserve time and energy for your own life, your well-being, your happiness,
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your relationships. Because guess what?
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When that cup is full, you're better at work.
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I guess I'm being a little aggressive because I'm like, I don't know why people
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don't understand. And that is the truth.
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You're much more productive. You're much more creative.
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You're in a much better mood to negotiate business deals when you're well-rested, exercised.
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What we used to say at an agency that I worked at, we needed to go into our
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new business pitches fit and well.
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That was the way we needed to come across, which meant We needed to do the work.
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Prior to walking into that room to get ourselves to a place where we were fit
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and well, whatever that means to you.
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I want you to feel that. I want you to feel fit and well.
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I want you to feel strong and creative and like a badass.
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You deserve to feel all those things. So let's look at what's yours and let's
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do some coaching around what are the old stories?
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What are the things you're ready to change?
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Can you lift your head up and admit to yourself that you're in pain?
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And then what can you do to get support?
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Who can you go to to get support and start making a plan for getting out of pain?
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Whatever that means for you. And that's your part.
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And then do a deep dive on your environment? Are there ways that you can set
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boundaries to make this environment work?
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Or is the writing on the wall very clear that you've been keeping your head
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down because it just feels like too much work to leave?
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Be honest with yourself because it's true.
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I do, you know, have this fundamental belief that we tell ourselves stories
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and we don't have to change our environment or change our circumstances to change the way we feel.
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But sometimes you do. Sometimes you do.
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It's just a truth. You may need to leave your current living environment, right?
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You might need to leave a relationship. You might need to leave a place.
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And you might need to leave a job.
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So be honest with yourself about what's yours and then don't shy away from the
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pain and discomfort of change.
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Because when you're on the other side of it, you keep telling yourself,
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I'm going to be on the other side of this project and I'm going to feel better.
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But I want you to tell yourself now that when I do the work,
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I'm going to feel better.
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And the work might mean your own personal work. And the work might mean going
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out and starting to talk to people and pounding the pavement and figuring out what's next.
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And that's the journey I help people through. We coach on where they are.
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And then we help create a roadmap for where you want to be. And that might be
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changing environments, but staying in the same industry.
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It might mean starting your own business or going freelance.
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So those options, all those options are there.
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I want you to just lift your head up and get into problem solving mode rather than.
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Just, you know, running away from it, right?
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Running away from the discomfort because truly in the scheme of your life,
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like putting your head down and avoiding it is going to have a long tail, right?
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That, the impact of that method is going to bite you later as it did me, you know?
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And, and there are all different versions of, of why we put our heads down and
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why we don't pay attention to our pain and why we avoid all those questions.
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We all have our own reasons and I don't want to invalidate them.
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They're all valuable ways of learning about ourselves and understanding ourselves.
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But what I want you to do is start looking and getting support for those things
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because truly when you start committing to that work, you do have less pain.
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It's just a very clear-cut equation.
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When you start saying no to people, start saying no to obligations that don't
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feel aligned, when you start setting
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boundaries at work and you clearly communicate, think that's part of it.
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The guilt comes from not preparing other people for the change because then
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you hold on to it and then you get to a point where you have to tell them and it's sort of too late.
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And then there's pain and suffering on their end, like just getting up and leaving
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your job without any notice.
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It might seem like the right thing to do, but then you're going to feel bad, right?
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So let's do it a way, let's do all this work and kind of shift into this new
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space without guilt and without shame and without doing it in a way that feels out of character.
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Let's do it the way that you always do things. Let's show up in integrity.
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Let's be clear and transparent.
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Have the conversations you need to have. Have the conversations that might be difficult to have.
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Be honest with yourself know where
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you're at have some idea around that
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before you go and talk to a boss
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or a manager or an employer right like give yourself that that grace and the
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leverage to maybe pull back a little bit at work to give yourself the space
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to think about what you need start doing the work on your own and then figure
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out all right this environment is not the right environment.
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And then don't shy away from what that journey will look like,
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because it could be inspiring, right?
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I think we get into this space where we're like, but it's going to be hard and
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it's going to be tiring and I'm going to get a lot of rejections and I don't
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even know where to start.
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We get into this spin because our brain is like, go towards pleasure,
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stay away from pain. So it tries to convince us it's not worth pursuing because
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we're not going to get where we want to get.
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But it's all make believe. We don't know what's going to happen next.
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We don't know if a job is just going to fall out of the sky,
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like an opportunity is just going to come to us without any effort.
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Like we literally have no idea.
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So instead of projecting all this negativity into it, like, oh,
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it's going to be this and it's going to be that and I'm so sure,
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just start to inject some positivity into what it could look like.
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Like, maybe it's going to be easy.
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It's going to take away my pain. Maybe I'm going to be around people who are
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really inspiring and supportive.
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And maybe I'm going to have a manager who's not a micromanager,
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but supports me in all the ways I need to be supported. And maybe,
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right, like, let's start imagining the good parts of what could be coming, because why not?
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It's all fake anyway. I mean, no one knows.
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There is no crystal ball to tell you that if you go towards change,
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how it's going to turn out, we just do not know.
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But the more you're sort of anticipating the ease and the inspiration and the
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creativity and the support, you're just going to feel all those things more now, right?
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You don't have to wait. You can just feel into those things now rather than
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feeling into fear and worry and all the things that come with deciding it's going to be hard.
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How do you know? You don't. And that's just going to stop you from taking any action.
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So just allow yourself the imaginary dream world of something could be good
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over there rather than it's going to be hard and bad. And that's just going to keep your head down.
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The main thing we want to do is prevent you being in pain for any longer.
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Whatever, if you look at your past and you see how long you've been in this
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high level of stress and overwhelm and high levels of cortisol and all the impact
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it's making on your body, it's enough.
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We don't know what that impact is going to be, so let's stop it at the past.
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We don't want to continue in
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that state of stress because the impact on your body is just too severe.
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It's too big. The amount of inflammation that your body has to generate to keep
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you in that stress response, it's too much for your cells.
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And I know this because I'm living the impact of all of that.
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And I really, like this is my future self talking to my past self, right?
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I want to keep you from like having that impact on your body for any longer.
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Because I can tell you it is 100% not worth it.
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I did not get anything from my past jobs that made what I'm dealing with now worth it.
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What I did get was learning and falling and making mistakes and learning from
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those mistakes and meeting a bunch of amazing people and like getting myself
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to a place in my career where I learned a lot.
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But the decisions I made to stay late, to overwork, to overwhelm myself,
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to push against boundaries and not to have any boundaries, to work when I was sick.
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Oh my God, I worked so much when I was sick.
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I had bronchitis once and I just worked.
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Why is that good for the people around me? Talk about a martyr.
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I really believed that without me, you know, everybody would falter,
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not because I needed to do the work because I just wanted to support everyone.
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Like nothing changed about the way I work. Like I worked the same way then as
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I do now, like in terms of wanting to support teams and wanting to help people.
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I've never been a micromanager or anything like that, but I just was worried about the team.
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Like, oh, they're in a grind and I should be there. And if, you know,
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if I'm not there supporting them, like I can't move mountains for them or move things out of the way.
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And, and, well, you know, great.
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I mean, I love that I'm that kind of person, but also like there's a moment
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where you have to look at how it's impacting you, how it's impacting your relationships,
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how it's impacting your family, your kids.
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Right. I was doing all that grind when my kids were really little.
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All and i was making decisions
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that were impacting the amount of time and the level of like energy i had and
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the level of attention i had towards my kids i was like rushing through bedtimes
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and i don't i don't get any of that back now i've got two teenagers who are like no bedtimes like.