Latest / Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald / Is Having Kids Worth It with Comic Natasha Leggero

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Is Having Kids Worth It with Comic Natasha Leggero · Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald

• 0:00
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• 0:29
  Speaker 3: Heather MacDonald has got the Juicy Scoop. When you're on
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: the road, when you're on the go, Juicy Scoop is
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: the show to know.
• 0:40
  Speaker 4: She talks Hollywood tales, her real-life Mr.
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  Speaker 3: Sake and Serial Data and Serial Sister. You'll be addicted
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  Speaker 3: and addicted.
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  Speaker 5: Fast to the number one tabloid real-life podcast.
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  Speaker 6: Listen in, listen up.
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: Woo, woo. Heather MacDonald.
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  Speaker 6: Juicy Scoop.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to Juicy Scoop. I have a girl
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: I've known for so long, hilarious, writer, comedian, podcast host, wife, mother,
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: and now author, Natasha Leggero, The World Deserves My Children.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: Let's bring this up right here. Looking stunning, gorgeous. Oh,
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: thank you.
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  Speaker 6: This was me during the pandemic.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely. She's wearing a lovely red dress. You guys know Natasha.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: She's worked on so many things. She also was a
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: regular panelist on Chelsea Lately. We knew each other from
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: Pretty Funny Women shows way back when. Oh, my God.
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  Speaker 4: Wait, that's how we started knowing each other?
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  Speaker 2: That's the first time I think I was introduced to
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  Speaker 2: you is maybe watching you on stage when we did
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  Speaker 2: a show together. Oh, my God.
• 1:52
  Speaker 6: I just recently did like a zoom.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: I just remember one of my funniest jokes that you,
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: one of your funniest jokes that I saw is one
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: thing about Natasha. She's really beautiful and she totally dresses
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: up to do standup and would wear like these classic,
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  Speaker 2: beautiful outfits and, and would, and kind of had like
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: this funny, you have a very funny persona, but a
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: very unique point of view and cadence to your style
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  Speaker 2: and jokes, which I love. But one time you were
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: doing stand-up and you looked down at this guy and
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: you go, don't worry, sir. I don't find women funny either.
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  Speaker 4: I mean, that was a joke that I would do
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  Speaker 4: a lot. I loved that joke. And I would always
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  Speaker 4: pick some guy in the audience.
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  Speaker 2: That was miserable.
• 2:38
  Speaker 4: Well, it was like, I think I actually did it
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: in Europe. And the woman sitting in the front row,
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: this was like in Amsterdam.
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  Speaker 7: Yeah.
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  Speaker 6: She was like.
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  Speaker 4: Said very loudly, this is at a TV taping, she
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: was like, if she don't think women are funny, why
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: is she on the stage?
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  Speaker 6: And I was like, I can hear you.
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  Speaker 4: Like, it was just, you know, you know how you
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: have all those, those reactions, you have to be ready
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  Speaker 4: to react.
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  Speaker 2: Yes.
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  Speaker 4: You know, because it's like, people are like heckling, and
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  Speaker 4: as a woman, and you know, it's, it just, it
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: was always hard, I don't know, maybe it's better for
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: women now.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: Yes.
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  Speaker 4: I feel like we paved the way for, Oh, we
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: made it so much better. For girls to have, like,
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: a better time on stage.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: We made it so much better, you know, as women
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  Speaker 2: paved it for us, too. But, yeah, they, now it's
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: a great situation. But I also loved how you would
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  Speaker 2: be like, I come from a servantless household.
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  Speaker 4: Well, my dream was to, like, be above my social class.
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  Speaker 2: Okay.
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  Speaker 4: That was kind of like, you know, like, male comics
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  Speaker 4: want to, like, marry women.
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  Speaker 6: Above their, like, level? Like, they want to date out
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  Speaker 6: of their league?
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  Speaker 2: No, I didn't know that. Is that a thing that
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: you've noticed among male comics?
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  Speaker 4: Have you not noticed that a lot of male comedians
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: we know have, like, gorgeous child brides?
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  Speaker 2: Oh, yes. Like a Dane Cook?
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  Speaker 4: Well, I mean, there's a lot of them. Like, have
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: you not noticed that most male comedians have a woman
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  Speaker 4: that's way too hot for them?
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  Speaker 2: Um, yes, I know. I want to think of, like,
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  Speaker 2: Burt Kreischer and his wife have been together forever. She's beautiful,
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: but they're, like, They're a match.
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  Speaker 6: Well, I'm not going to name names.
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  Speaker 2: I'm just saying. I think Tom Segura and Christina are, like,
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  Speaker 2: a match.
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  Speaker 4: Well, you're mentioning some, like, very solid couples.
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  Speaker 2: I think Moshe is obviously below you, your husband. So
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: I agree with you there. Clearly married out of his league.
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  Speaker 4: I'm telling you this because I wanted to, you know—
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  Speaker 4: date out of my social class.
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  Speaker 6: I wanted to be out of my social class.
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  Speaker 4: So yes, servantless household.
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  Speaker 2: I love that you thought of that because I wish
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: I had thought of that more. What's your background? I'm
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: just middle class. My parents did go to college. They're realtors.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: And I grew up in a house. I bought the
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: house next door to my parents. They're no longer alive,
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  Speaker 2: but I bought the house next door, which made having
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: the kids so easy.
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  Speaker 4: And they just helped you with the baby?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. Not every day or anything because my parents were
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: like a little bit older and they still like worked.
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  Speaker 2: But definitely like could drop them off while I grocery shopped. Amazing.
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  Speaker 2: And then I would like get those blueberry muffins from
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  Speaker 2: Costco and give them half because you don't want 12
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: blueberry muffins. And then when we bought the house, we
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: didn't have– our house was old and needed all this
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: work and we didn't have a pool. But they did,
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: which I loved because our kids were little. So you
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: don't want a pool when your kids are little. And
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: then we had a gate that we could walk right through.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: And use their pool all those years.
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  Speaker 6: By the way, that's how it's supposed to be.
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  Speaker 2: I know. It's the best. I feel so bad for
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  Speaker 2: people that don't have grandparents.
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  Speaker 4: No one has what you're saying. Like, you're basically talking
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  Speaker 4: about a small village, which is what I want to
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  Speaker 4: raise my child in. Like, I would like to, like,
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  Speaker 4: share meal preparations. Like, I'd like to make dinner, like,
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  Speaker 4: once a week. And then every, for, like, six people.
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  Speaker 2: You really just need to be a lesbian for that.
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  Speaker 2: Because that is, that's where it takes a village. Where, like,
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  Speaker 2: the women all help the women with the babies.
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  Speaker 4: Well, it's definitely hard that we all have our own
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  Speaker 4: little homes and our own, you know, having to just
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: do everything on our own. But yes, I definitely wanted
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  Speaker 4: to be outside of my social class. And I think
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  Speaker 4: your parents going to college, that's a big thing because
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  Speaker 4: my parents didn't go to college.
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  Speaker 2: Okay.
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  Speaker 4: But my mom, she almost finished, but she didn't. And
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  Speaker 4: then my dad was like a used car dealer. Okay.
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  Speaker 2: So you were just kind of like middle class.
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  Speaker 6: I'd say working class.
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  Speaker 2: Okay. But no, yeah.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: And I mean, I always thought that was like, I
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  Speaker 2: never knew that like, I never knew anybody that where
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  Speaker 2: the parents would give them a huge down payment for
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  Speaker 2: their house. Oh, right. Like that's not what I knew.
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  Speaker 2: Like you get a job and then you try to
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  Speaker 2: get a house when you're married and like, And then
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  Speaker 2: not until like in the last 10 years did I
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  Speaker 2: start to meet people where they're like, well, the house
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  Speaker 2: is in the trust.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, I know.
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  Speaker 2: And the house is in– and I'm like– How mad
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  Speaker 2: does that make you? I'm like, who are these people?
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  Speaker 2: Like I didn't even know that– and now I'm like, oh, well,
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  Speaker 2: of course. If there's generational wealth and there's been eight
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  Speaker 2: generations of your family in America, yeah, I guess you
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  Speaker 2: would be– and everyone did pretty well and no one.
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  Speaker 4: You're living off the interest of your trust.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
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  Speaker 6: You're not even touching your trust.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. So I didn't know people like that or anything. But,
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: you know.
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  Speaker 6: Are you going to give your kids money?
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  Speaker 2: I mean, there is times where I'm like, come on,
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  Speaker 2: you know, like I can afford to get you a tutor.
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  Speaker 2: Could you just please go to the tutor? Like, I
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: do say that. Like, I'm like, a lot of kids
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  Speaker 2: can't get this. So stop. And, you know, ask for
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  Speaker 2: the help if you need it, because we actually can
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  Speaker 2: give it to you. Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: But what about giving them when you die, like a
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  Speaker 4: lot of money?
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  Speaker 2: Well, I don't think there's going to be a lot
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  Speaker 2: of money, and I plan on living to, like, very old. So, yeah.
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  Speaker 2: How old? I'd like to live to, like... 90? I
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: think 90's good. The 80's aren't great, but I think
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: at least... 90, you got there. At least until 80.
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  Speaker 2: At least.
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  Speaker 4: I used to beg Jen Kirkman if we could just, like,
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: once we become... Well, now it's becoming closer to our age,
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: so maybe it's not as nice. But I was like,
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  Speaker 4: when we're in our 60s, we should just live in Manhattan.
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  Speaker 2: Yes.
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  Speaker 4: And go out. Because I feel like old women are
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: kind of glamorized in Manhattan. Yes.
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  Speaker 6: And there's so much stuff for them to do.
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  Speaker 4: You can go to the opera and go to the
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: theater every night and have season passes at the symphony.
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  Speaker 4: And there's just so much. You could go to the premiere.
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  Speaker 6: You have to have money.
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  Speaker 2: Right.
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: You got a doorman.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: Well, I never lived in New York for any period
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: of time. Okay. There'd be... Sometimes there'd be little things
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: I'd be up for, you know, like a talk show
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: or something. Right. And I'd be like, I mean, what's
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: the chance of me getting this? But if I did, well,
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: how would I do that with two little kids and
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: a stepdaughter? Like, what would I do? And I said,
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: you know, if I ever... get the chance to do
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: anything in New York I hope it's in my 50s
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: when my kids are older because I think in your
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: 50s with some money in Manhattan is the perfect thing
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: because you can go to the dinners and the plays
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: and stuff and you kind of like a chic place
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: and you know that's when you want to do it
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: like I didn't I never want to live there when
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: I was going to be like 24 and like starving like.
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: A no but you've got like the ultimate status symbol
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: which is adult children Like, we're the same age probably,
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: but my kid's like, I'm going to be like 60
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: when she's starting high school or something.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: Can you say how old you were when you gave birth?
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: I was 43.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, do you remember when you and Moshe came to
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: my podcast and I asked you about it? You must
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: have already been pregnant. Oh, really?
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: What did I say? Me and Moshe did your podcast.
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  Speaker 6: I don't remember anything.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: I know. You don't remember anything about me, apparently.
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: No, about anything. Moshe's telling me things all the time.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: Seriously. Some people have.
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: I think when I gave birth, I forgot everything.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: Some people, like my sister, she's a very smart, intelligent,
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: wonderful attorney. But I can remember such details from our
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: childhood and stuff, and she's like, I don't remember that.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I just think it's, like, the way your brain
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: is or genetic. It doesn't mean that you have Alzheimer's.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: It doesn't mean anything. It just means you just don't
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: remember dumb things that don't matter. But, like, I remember
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: so much, except I just forgot what I was talking about.
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: No, you were saying that when Moshe and I did
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: your podcast, I told you how I was pregnant or something.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: Okay, so then you guys came, and you were on
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: the show. And I don't think you hadn't started your
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: podcast yet, but you were there to promote something.
• 10:43
  Speaker 6: Maybe our Netflix special.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: I don't know, but it was, you were both there and,
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: or I asked you to come and you were like,
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: do you want Moshe? I'm like, totally great. Because I
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: knew him from just lately being a great comedian. And
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: I remember I was like, oh my God, I, I
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: think it's kind of exciting that you guys are like
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: this comedic duo. Cause there's like all these comedic doers,
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: like I do. It was like I said, Tom and
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: Christina and people like that. And, um, I think, I
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: think it's so great. And then I'm like, and what
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: about kids? Like, do you think you'll have kids? And
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: you were like, um, and I, And then I remember
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: when you then shared it, I'm like, oh, I think
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: they were either pregnant or maybe you were waiting to
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: find out.
• 11:21
  Speaker 6: Well, I had frozen my eggs when I was 38.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's smart.
• 11:25
  Speaker 6: I did that.
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: And that's kind of the cutoff. So hopefully people who
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: read my book can glean that information. You know, the
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: whole idea of egg freezing, like you did it a
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: different way. And also you had support. You had parents
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: who live next door that you could drop your kid off.
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: I mean, taking a kid to a grocery store in
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: a pandemic is like a nightmare. You know, you're like
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: constantly like if I run in and get broke, am
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: I going to kill my child?
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: I mean, it was just like the most stressful thing.
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: But that aside, I feel like I just got two
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: extra decades to like earn money and have fun and
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: live my life. And then having a kid in my 40s,
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: it was and I think just this whole technology is
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: so amazing for women because we can like achieve so.
• 12:04
  Speaker 6: Much more now.
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: You don't have to have a kid with the first
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: guy you meet at the beach.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: Exactly. So I was married. I got married just a
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: couple weeks before my 30th birthday. But I remember the
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: day I went off the pill, and it was when
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: a pilot that I did didn't get picked up. So
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: had the pilot got picked up, I definitely would have
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: put it off for my career. My career was still
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: coming first. But then I had like a nice like, well,
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: nothing's going to happen for a while. And I'm 30,
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: I was 31 at the time. And my sister was
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: two and three and a half years. No, yeah, no,
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: she was about three or two and a half, three
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: years older. And she was having trouble conceiving. So then
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: I was like, well, if I have trouble conceiving, I
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: remember somebody telling me like, oh, if you have SAG insurance,
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: they'll pay this, you know, 18 years ago, 20 years ago,
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: they'll pay, $ 8, 000 worth of fertility stuff. Now, I don't
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: know if that's still true.
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: Well, $ 8, 000 won't get you as far as it did.
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: Like my eggs cost $ 8, 000, but now it's probably double that.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Right. Or I thought, well, at least that would cover
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: like some inseminations. I don't know because my sister was
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: starting to go through it or having trouble. And I
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: was like, all right, well, then I think maybe I
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: just go off the pill just in case I have trouble.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: And then I was one of those people that never
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: got the period, like immediately got pregnant. And then I
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: had to tell my sister, which I was dreading.
• 13:29
  Speaker 6: Oh, you're like, I'm so fertile.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: I know. And I felt so, I felt like, and
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: then she's like, how far along are you? And I'm like,
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: 10 weeks. And she's like, 10 weeks? That's terrible that
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: you felt you couldn't tell me. You know, and I
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: felt so bad. Anyway, she has two kids now and
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: they're old and fine. But, you know, I, yeah, we've
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: all gone through it. Either it's been easy for us
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: or we felt guilty that it was easy for us or, But, yeah,
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: everything happens the way it's supposed to happen. And if
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: you don't have the partner and the means, but you
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: do have enough of the means to freeze the eggs,
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: I think it's the greatest thing that you could do.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: So smart. Best insurance policy ever.
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: Right, because my therapist called me a situational breeder. He's like,
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: if the situation's right, you'll breed. And I was like, oh, yeah,
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: I think that's right. Because I wasn't like, I think
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: you had it in your head, right? Like you were like,
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: I'm going to have a family.
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: I always knew I wanted to have kids. Like I
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: was that girl that like played with a baby doll, like,
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: you know, because I was young as a five. And
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: if my friend had a younger child, I was like,
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: you've got a baby in a crib that I could
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: like see. Like I was obsessed. I love to like
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: babysit all that. So I remember being like 27 and going,
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: like doing standup and coming home and like like watching
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: some fucking like awful Jerry Springer or something. And I
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: remember saying, you know, I'm going to be a mom
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: no matter what, even if I do it alone. Like
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: if I don't fall in love, I'm going to be
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: a mom no matter, like I knew I always wanted
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: to be a mom.
• 14:58
  Speaker 6: Not a situational breeder.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: You're like in it. But so for me, I was like,
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: I don't know if, if I deem someone worthy of,
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: you're right, you know, uh, blasting on one of my eggs,
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: then perhaps I will allow it. And, um, yeah, I just,
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: after I met Moshe, but what I didn't realize when
• 15:15
  Speaker 4: you freeze your eggs, I had eight, And by the way,
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: talk about fertile people.
• 15:19
  Speaker 6: Like, you'll have friends who freeze them. They're like, I
• 15:21
  Speaker 6: got 39.
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: You know, like, they just have so many eggs. But, like,
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: I had eight, and I thought that meant I could
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: have eight kids. And I was like, well, I barely
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: want one. But then when I finally, you know, defrosted them,
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: had Moshe do his thing, they did all of the
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: genetic testing.
• 15:37
  Speaker 6: There was only four.
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: That they liked, that were perfect.
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: There were four. And then, no, there was four after
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: he did his thing on them.
• 15:44
  Speaker 5: Oh, okay.
• 15:44
  Speaker 6: Then they did the genetic testing.
• 15:46
  Speaker 8: Okay.
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: Which then there was two and I put one up
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: and it was a miscarriage. And so the only one
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: I had was my darling, darling child.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: But then that's so interesting. So with my sister Shannon,
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: she went through a bunch of things, miscarriages and different things.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: And then it was down to four frozen. And she
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: was like.
• 16:07
  Speaker 6: Are these embryos or eggs?
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: These were the embryos. Okay.
• 16:09
  Speaker 4: Because embryos better because I had eggs. And embryos are
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: like actually you can implant them. An egg needs to
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: be fertilized.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: Well, they still wanted to– it was her impression back
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: then that still the embryos were better if they weren't frozen.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: So like where they were that batch. So she had
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: done a batch of embryos and she already did someone
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: in her and then it didn't work out. So she
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: had four frozen left in the freezer. And she was
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: like– You know, I don't know. I think now we're
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: going to look into adoption or whatever it was. And
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: I'm like, why don't you just do one more? Because
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: then you don't have to– even if they work, then
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: you don't have this, like, freezer section that you have to, like,
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: kind of feel bad about what you're going to do
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: with it, whatever. And then from that, then she got
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: her son. So the one– and then after that, at 39,
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: she got pregnant naturally with her daughter. Amazing.
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: I know. She was like, she was like, I can't
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: believe she's like, this is, she said to her husband,
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: she goes, I feel so dumb, but I want to
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: have a drink. And it's been so long since I've period,
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: but she'd always have the wrong, you know, she's like,
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: there's no way after literally like $ 75, 000 worth of fertility
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: that I'm going to. And she used to hate when
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: people would say, you never know, you know, you might
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: get pregnant naturally. She'd be like, fuck yeah, this is
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: the worst.
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: You know, like it's really hard.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: And then that did happen.
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: And then the doctors are always like, well, what do
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: you want to do? Do you want to test them?
• 17:34
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, I don't know. What would you do?
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: And then, you know, there's just not.
• 17:38
  Speaker 6: A lot of information out there. So I try to
• 17:40
  Speaker 6: talk about it in the book.
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: But, like, I remember the doctor asking me if I
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: wanted to test them, and I said yes. But the
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: testing often kills the embryo because they're, like, you know,
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: trying to make sure it's good, and then they kill it.
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: Once it's in.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: You, you mean? Or before?
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: No, like when it's in the Petri dish.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: So, you know, what people won't say to you because
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: probably it's illegal, but it's like if you're willing to
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: get an abortion. Mm-hmm.
• 18:03
  Speaker 6: If there is something genetically wrong with it.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: Right, right.
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: And you have a better chance of keeping those embryos intact.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: And don't test them before.
• 18:12
  Speaker 6: Don't test them before.
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: But it's like no one will tell you that. So
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: you have to just like glean all this information. And
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: some people maybe aren't okay having an abortion.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: But, you know, it's just very challenging. And also, I
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: didn't even understand how to get pregnant. I mean, in
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: terms of like when you get older, it's like there's
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: like one hour that you can get pregnant.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: So, yes. What's the test that they would do? They
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: always wanted you to have, if you were over 35,
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: where they would check to make sure that everything's okay?
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: Does that still exist? I don't know.
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: All I know is they kept calling me a geriatric pregnancy.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: Anything over 35 is that.
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah. Like, you know, like a geriatric man over 35.
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: I mean, it's so obnoxious. Like, when a man's 35, he's, like,
• 18:54
  Speaker 4: barely ready for pet ownership. And, like, meanwhile, a woman's just, like, geriatric?
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: I mean, obviously a.
• 19:01
  Speaker 6: Man invented that, right?
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: Probably, yeah. That term.
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:05
  Speaker 6: I mean, it's so obnoxious.
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: And now we don't have to, like, be fearful that by...
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: Because remember, I feel like even 10 years ago, it
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: was like, I'm in my 30s.
• 19:14
  Speaker 6: I have to start meeting someone. I have to have babies,
• 19:17
  Speaker 6: you know? We're so lucky we have people.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: Now, how long have you been married for now?
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: A while, right?
• 19:23
  Speaker 6: Like seven years.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: And you're still in love, still laughing all the time.
• 19:28
  Speaker 6: Are you still in love, Heather?
• 19:30
  Speaker 4: Um.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: I'm in it to win it.
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: What does that mean?
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: I remember I said to you last time you were here,
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: I go, well, I think staying married is kind of
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: my brand. And you... That is funny.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: Christmas shopping has already started in our house. My daughter
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: is so organised, already planning Christmas gifts from Macaulay. Hair
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: care for her aunt and a fab fragrance for her bestie.
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: But the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I'm
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: an early bird, buying one present a week from now
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: till Christmas, which makes budgeting less stressful. I can buy
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: in-store or online from Macaulay.ie for home delivery or free
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: click and collect.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: So easy.
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: Gifts they'll cherish at prices you'll love.
• 20:13
  Speaker 7: I'm Darman, and this is What Happens Next. Each week
• 20:16
  Speaker 7: on the show, I sit down with extraordinary people who
• 20:20
  Speaker 7: have faced tremendous setbacks and yet somehow have found a
• 20:24
  Speaker 7: way to turn them into their greatest strengths.
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: Life is one long lesson of chaos.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: I'm heading to the Emmys, and I have police complaints
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: filed against me.
• 20:33
  Speaker 6: When your free will was about to be taken from you,
• 20:35
  Speaker 6: what would you do if it was given back?
• 20:38
  Speaker 8: Where did that need come from where you thought that
• 20:41
  Speaker 8: you had to succeed in order to feel loved?
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: He said, I have a work dad.
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: I need a home dad.
• 20:45
  Speaker 8: What happens next?
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: When I came in, he started crying.
• 20:48
  Speaker 8: Everybody in life encounters hardships. What defines them is not
• 20:52
  Speaker 8: those hard moments that they go through. It's about what
• 20:55
  Speaker 8: happens next.
• 20:56
  Speaker 6: I decided to risk it all.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: I realized how valuable every day was.
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: You're worth the work.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Listen, Dara, I'm not going to pull punches.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: You can use your voice even if it's shaped.
• 21:05
  Speaker 7: The stories are different, but the impact is the same.
• 21:08
  Speaker 7: Only one question matters. What happens next?
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: I have to give other people hope. No, I mean,
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: marriage and kids. And we've been married, I've been married 20,
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: let me think, what year are we in? 22 years.
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: 20?
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: 22. I got married in 2000.
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: You guys do seem like you, like, are very simpatico, though.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: We have fun, but.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: Uh, very annoying to work with your spouse and very,
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: it can be the best because there's nobody that like
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: has your back and wants you guys to succeed more
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: than your partner. But then on the other hand, it
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: can be really annoying too. So I don't know what
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: to say. I don't know if I can recommend it
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: or not, but that's what we do. He works with me.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: So it's like, yeah, so we're in it to win it.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: And now, and I do have to say things do
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: get better. Okay. I think things get easier as kids
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: get older. And even when they're teenagers, like, there were
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: more struggles that we... My stepdaughter lived with us, and
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: I loved having her in the home. But, like, there
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: was things that he would be like, what is she doing?
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: And he'd ask me questions. I'm like, go ask her. Like,
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: there was just things that were annoying. And then when
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: she went off on her own, then it's like, okay, that...
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: issue of communication is now I don't have to worry
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: about it. Like, there's a reason why people actually want
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: their kids to go away to college because if they
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: live at home, you are stressed every time they're not home.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: But if they're living in college, you don't expect to
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: talk to them all the time. So if they're out
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: boozing till 4 a.m. or sleeping at a guy's house
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: or whatever, and they're living at their dorm, you can
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: still go to bed on a Tuesday in October and
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: And not know that you should be frantic. That is
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: the difference.
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: It's so horrifying hearing you say this because you're at
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: such a different stage. And, like, I don't know. And
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: my daughter will say to me, she's like, Mommy, I'm.
• 23:19
  Speaker 6: Never going to leave you.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: How old is she now?
• 23:21
  Speaker 6: I'm always going to live here at four. But she's
• 23:24
  Speaker 6: just like.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: We're such a cute age.
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: And she's just like, I'm your shadow. And she just
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: follows me everywhere. And she's so cute. And soon she's
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: going to be. Staying out till 4 a.m. and I'm
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: not going to know where she is.
• 23:35
  Speaker 6: Oh, my God. Kill me.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: Just make sure she gets into college so when she
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: stays out at 4 a.m., it won't matter because you
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: won't be tracking her.
• 23:43
  Speaker 8: Okay.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: But, I mean, the amounts of times that I had.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: And then my one son, he's like a giant. So
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: I don't worry about him like I do my stepdaughter, right? Right.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: And because I remember one time the kids, they were
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: younger and they're like, what do you worry about? I'm like,
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: the thing I worry most about is you guys being kidnapped,
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: you know. But, and this is when they're little, I go,
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: but at one point I won't worry about you being
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: kidnapped anymore. But I will always worry about Mackenzie being kidnapped. So.
• 24:13
  Speaker 7: Oh, my God.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: I mean, yes. Because I'm like, eventually you'll, like, grow
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: out of being kidnapped. Like, you physically will be too
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: tall to be kidnapped.
• 24:22
  Speaker 8: Right.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: The boys, you know?
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 24:24
  Speaker 6: They take girls from gas stations in Riverside.
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: And put them in vans.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: Girls. But I'm saying if you grow a boy that
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: is 6'4.
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: Right, right, right.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: A guy. And is 250 pounds, it's going to be
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: really hard to kidnap. Damn it. I said a guy.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: Unless they're like in the mafia or something. They're not.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: Most likely they are physically too big to be kidnapped.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: Someone the size of you, forever. So easy to grab, throw.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: You are very petite. So, so anyway, but one night,
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: one time my son just wasn't answering his phone. And
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: I mean, I was just like, how are we? And
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: my husband was scared and we were, he, he was
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: pinging the phone, you know, and he still wasn't waiting.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: He's like, it's in his apartment and he's not answering.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: And he is a heavy sleeper, but I still was like,
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: I guess he took a drug and he's dead. Like,
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: I literally like, that's where your mind goes.
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: I mean, does it ever end? No. Moshe doesn't have
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: this experience. Is your husband like that with the kids?
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: Or is this a mom thing? Because this is something
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: I really struggled with.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: No, he was worried about it, too. But, I mean,
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: he certainly went to bed. I had the phone right
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: by my head. And I text him so many times.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, I don't care what time it is.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Call me. And then at 2.30, he's like, I'm sorry
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: I fell asleep. And I go, so you didn't hear
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: the phone pinging? He's like, no.
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: I feel like as a mom, it's just so easy
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: to lose yourself in the minutia of your children, you know?
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: And I feel like I just, like, that's kind of
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: why I wrote the book, too, because I'm just, like,
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: I used to be this really cool person who was, like,
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: had so much joie de vivre.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: You really were.
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: And I would, like, go to Thailand at the drop
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: of a hat and, you know, go river rafting without
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: a helmet on. And now I'm just, like, afraid and
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: fearful and... You know, trying to get back to that
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: pre-motherhood Natasha is so challenging. And I noticed my husband,
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: like when it's his, I wake up with her in
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: the morning all the time.
• 26:23
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: And then the other day I was like, I had
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: had like five days in a row because he was
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: out of town.
• 26:27
  Speaker 6: I was like, can you wake up with her.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: In the morning?
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: And he, I get in there and he's just like
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: making himself this protein shake. And he's like shaking it
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: up and adding all this stuff. And it's all for him.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: And I'm like.
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: Did you make her lunch? Did you make her breakfast?
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: Did you brush her teeth? He's going through life like,
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: how can I enhance my life? And I'm like, I'm
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: probably too much the other way. I'll leave the house
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: and not have the right clothes on because I'm just
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: focused on her and getting all the chores checked off.
• 26:59
  Speaker 6: So it's very frustrating.
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: Do you have any advice?
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: Yes, I do. Here's the thing. Biological men and women...
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: that become parents, I don't care how hippy-dippy, liberal, husband,
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: whatever man you get, it will never, ever be the same.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: They will never have the guilt that you have. They
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: will never, they will put their kid ahead of them.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: Like if a train is coming, they would like grab them.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: But if they're hungry and the kid isn't begging for
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: food at that moment, they will feed themselves first.
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: And it's important for him to give himself his vitamin milkshake,
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: I guess. But, like, I wish I gave myself a
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: vitamin milkshake, you know? But it was like that was
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: where his mind was.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: I mean, listen, you're not alone. There's nothing you can
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: do to really fix it except to maybe be more
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: specific about what you want him to do on a
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: day that you really need it. So let's say, like,
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: you're doing a morning call or you just are like,
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: you know what? I just want to sleep till 9 a.m.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: Just be really specific about, like, I want to know that, like,
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: you're going to get up. You're going to do this.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: You're going to shut the hall door so I can sleep.
• 28:15
  Speaker 6: You've got to delegate and be specific.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: Otherwise, you're going to be disappointed.
• 28:18
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 28:20
  Speaker 6: You want them to be intuitive about it.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: And they're not because they don't have the same brain.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: And it's like sometimes it's being a dick, but sometimes
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: it's just being a man. And it's just never going
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: to be the same as what, like, and also, you
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: and your husband will parent differently. And you will. Like,
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: you might be like, I remember early on, because Peter,
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: you know, was the main caregiver when I was at
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: Chelsea lately, and I'd come home at like eight at night.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: And I just one day had to be like, you
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: know what? They're probably not going to have as many
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: baths as I'd like. Really? Really?
• 29:04
  Speaker 4: I mean, I just kind of was like... I hear you, though,
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: because then he's happier. And if you're trying to micromanage
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: how he's taking care of them, and the truth is,
• 29:11
  Speaker 4: Moshe got his vitamin milkshake, but also the child did
• 29:14
  Speaker 4: get food.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Eventually.
• 29:16
  Speaker 4: I just would have put her first.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: My kids were never starving. They never were, like, getting
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: colds or being sick. They went to school. They're nice.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: Knock on wood, they're not on drugs. I don't know.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: I mean... I set the standard very low, too. Like,
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: I was like, I always said as long as my kids,
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: you know, are not. hurting themselves or whatever, like, but
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: it's still, you might, I mean, it's just hard. It's
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: just really hard, but it's fun. Let's talk about the
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: fun stuff.
• 29:50
  Speaker 4: I was not prepared for it, but yes. Okay.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: So, okay. So you wrote this book. Now, what are
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: like some of the things that you tackle in these,
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: in this book?
• 29:58
  Speaker 6: Well, I think that, you know, well, not to– you
• 30:01
  Speaker 6: said let's make it fun.
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: I was going to say parenting in an environmental panic
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: when we're– well, because everyone's always like, you know, are
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: you sure you want to have a kid? The world
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: is burning. The world's on fire. Oh, right.
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: But it's like you.
• 30:10
  Speaker 6: Can't just let the idiots have kids, right?
• 30:12
  Speaker 7: Yes, yes.
• 30:13
  Speaker 4: Like, we need to be, like, creating some sort of
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: army of people who believe in science.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: Right. And we need people to also, like, run the
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: world for us when we're old. Like, you do need
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: people to– you do need humans– And also, I never
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: understood that, like, where someone doesn't want, like, oh. So
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: a million years ago when my mom was grocery shopping
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: with all five kids, this was in the 70s.
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: That is so crazy that you would have to go, like,
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: no Instacart. You're just, like, at the grocery store.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: With five children. Yeah, like, I was, like, a baby.
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: So she couldn't leave me alone. And then she, like,
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: probably picked up my brothers from swimming. And so, like.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: They probably had wet hair and like, you know, all
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: five kids were at the grocery store with her. And
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: she like totally cooked like a really good meal every
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: night and stuff, which is crazy. And this woman comes up. Now,
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: this would have been like 1971. And she said, how
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: dare you overpopulate the world like this? This is right
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: here in Woodland Hills. And that was a big thing.
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: People thought the world was overpopulating and that it was
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: really gross that someone like my mother.
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: Someone said that to your mother? Yes.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: 100%. And so it's like how gross it is, how
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: selfish of you to have so many kids and this
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: kind of thing. So it's like I also think it's
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: weird when someone's like, well, I just think it would
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: be so selfish to bring a child into this world.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: And it's like that's fine if you don't want to
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: have a child. But if you as a human, as
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: a woman, want to experience motherhood– You should do it.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: And do not worry because the world has always been shit.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: You don't think the people in World War II were like,
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: how the fuck can I bring a child into this?
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: You don't think the people who were dealing with Vietnam
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: were like, how the fuck can I bring... I mean,
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: it's like 9-11. The world has been shit since the
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: beginning of time. There has always been awful people and
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: awful wars and awful things happening. So if you can
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: have a cute baby and have some fun... In your
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: own backyard in L.A.
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: She's not going to hate me for having her?
• 32:16
  Speaker 7: No.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: Oh, I am always waiting for the person, and I
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: predicted this many years ago and it's now happened, the
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: person that then sues their parents for giving birth. Like,
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: I didn't ask for this.
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: I was going to ask you about that because I've
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: been saying, sometimes I'll tell someone something in front of
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: my kid.
• 32:31
  Speaker 6: I'm like, oh, she said this.
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: And she's like, mom, don't ever tell people what I say.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 32:37
  Speaker 4: And so I'm like, that's what I do on stage
• 32:40
  Speaker 4: every night. So I'm like, I can't really put that
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: into a special because then she'll see it when she's
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: your kid's age and hate me.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: What do you do about that? So in my first special,
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: I did talk a lot about my kids and there
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: were funny stories about them. But I did think at
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: that like elementary stage that that's like embarrassing. Like if
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: I'm telling about a kid, you know, a poo-poo story
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: or whatever, you know, like. That's embarrassing to them. But
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: I did say you can watch it when you're 16.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: Because when you're at 16, you're going to also find
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: the story about when you were 8 really fucking funny. Oh, interesting.
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: But, I mean, how do you prevent them from looking
• 33:18
  Speaker 4: at your special if it's on Netflix?
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: Well, they did.
• 33:23
  Speaker 4: Or a clip on YouTube.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: I do remember there was one. Somehow they did watch it.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: I didn't want them to. And they did watch it.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: And let me think. So it was 2014. So Brandon
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: would have been like seven or something. And he was
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: laughing really hard at the part where I was ripping
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: on my older son, Drake. And then when I got
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: to the Brandon part, then my stepdad goes, yeah, Brandon
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: got mad that he didn't want to watch anymore and everything. So,
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: you know, in the very beginning of like Instagram and stuff,
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: I never like I never, I never exploited them. I
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: only like, that's why a lot of people were like,
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: you have kids. Like they'd watch me on Chelsea lately.
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: And I thought I talked about my kids on the panel,
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: but I didn't like post them all over it. Cause
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: I kind of thought like safety wise, right. I shouldn't.
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: Now I'm like, look at these people making so much
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: money off of exploiting their kids. Like I should have
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: done it more. But, um, but so, so then, and
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: then sometimes that they'd be like, don't film this or
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: don't post it. I never, ever did. I never did.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: And now even now I'll be like, OK, and I'll
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: set them up and I'll be like, OK, we're going
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: to like we we do a Christmas photo every year.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, OK, you guys like.
• 34:38
  Speaker 4: Oh, my God. I want to get back on your
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: Christmas card list.
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: OK, I'll get your address before you leave. I was
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: on it.
• 34:43
  Speaker 4: And then I stopped. Did you stop doing them?
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: No.
• 34:47
  Speaker 4: Cut me from your address from your Christmas card.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: No, but I might have had, like, a list of
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: Chelsea Lately people.
• 34:54
  Speaker 4: Ah, I didn't make the cut.
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: Yo, you're back on. If you think you're going to
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: be appreciative of it.
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: Well, I had never seen your kids, and they're old,
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: and it was, like, interesting. And also, you had a
• 35:05
  Speaker 4: really cool pool.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, that was a good one when we built
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: the pool. But, yeah, like, I prepare them for, like, okay,
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: we're going to have to do this little thing. And
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: then they're, like, cool about it. But they're boys, so
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: they're not, like.
• 35:17
  Speaker 4: Oh, you have all boys?
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: The two are boys, yeah. And none of them are, like,
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: super thirsty or label-y about things. So they're just, like,
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: they're on it, but they don't post. They, like, follow
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: some people so I can, like, send them stuff. But
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: they're not.
• 35:33
  Speaker 4: But a girl's not like that.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: No, girls are all about it. So it's like, I
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: don't know, you know. But I thought it was funny
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: because I asked you what your daughter's name was. And
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: you're like, I'd rather not say it. I'm like, oh,
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: my God, she's so classy. Like every other mother makes
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: everything about their kid and everything. And I'm like, so
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: you're really trying to, like, keep her identity private. You're like,
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: what did you say?
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: Oh, I said I just don't want anyone to steal
• 35:55
  Speaker 4: the name. Because I don't want her to grow up
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: with a bunch of people named her name.
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 36:00
  Speaker 4: You know, like, there was, like, nine Siennas in her class, and, like,
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: everyone thinks they came up with, like, the coolest name.
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: And then, like, everyone's named it. Like, I think there
• 36:08
  Speaker 4: were three Unas in my friend's class. Like, these names
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: that you've never even heard before. I was at the playground,
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: and there were two Artemises.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: What does that mean?
• 36:18
  Speaker 4: I swear to God.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: Artemises?
• 36:19
  Speaker 4: Artemis. There was two kids named Artemis.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: Where does that even come from? I don't know.
• 36:22
  Speaker 4: Everyone's just trying to be unique. But anyway, I found
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: a name that was, like, Jewish, but cosmopolitan, but simple.
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And you're Jewish? But kind of glamorous. Or just
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: Moshe is? I am Jewish.
• 36:32
  Speaker 6: I converted to Judaism.
• 36:34
  Speaker 4: Oh, nice. And I do have a chapter in my
• 36:35
  Speaker 4: book about how I miss Christmas. And now I'm not.
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: So you're so Jewish that you don't do a tree?
• 36:42
  Speaker 4: Moshe is not into it.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: He's not into doing the tree.
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 36:47
  Speaker 4: And I wasn't either. I didn't really care. But now
• 36:49
  Speaker 4: that I have like a five-year-old. And, you know, Christmas
• 36:52
  Speaker 4: to me was one of the biggest, the only traditions
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: I ever had growing up, you know?
• 36:56
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 36:57
  Speaker 4: In the Midwest, like, Christmas was, like, the one time
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: everyone got together. And so I still kind of feel this, like,
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: affinity for it, more so now with a kid. But
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: now I, like, have already converted, so I'm not exactly
• 37:10
  Speaker 4: sure how to get it back.
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: So on the actual Christmas Day, you guys don't acknowledge.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: It at all.
• 37:16
  Speaker 4: Well, last year I went away with my brother and
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: my daughter and a friend. Yeah.
• 37:22
  Speaker 6: And we had a nature table. What's a nature table?
• 37:25
  Speaker 4: Well, you know, it's like there's maybe some tree-ish things
• 37:29
  Speaker 4: on it. And like, you know, a lot of like,
• 37:31
  Speaker 4: it was more like things we found. Objects like, you know,
• 37:35
  Speaker 4: pine cones and cool shells. And, you know, just kind
• 37:39
  Speaker 4: of trying to create some sort of pagan... tree situation
• 37:43
  Speaker 4: yeah that isn't a tree and yeah we gave them
• 37:47
  Speaker 4: some presents because it was Christmas and they celebrate Christmas
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: like something that's just can you could still have the.
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah but if you're at home on Christmas morning you
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: and you and Moshe and your daughter just act like
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: it's a regular.
• 38:00
  Speaker 4: Day well you know she's only been like talking for
• 38:05
  Speaker 4: two years so it's like we haven't really gotten there
• 38:08
  Speaker 4: yet now she knows what it is but Hanukkah it's
• 38:11
  Speaker 4: like there's not It's kind of hard to get excited
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: about Hanukkah spirit.
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: I used to think Hanukkah sounded like so great because
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: you're guaranteed eight gifts. Eight could be a lot. And
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: then like each day it's like milking it out. I
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: like to milk at a birthday. Right. You're right. So
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: I'm like you milk it out. Every day it's exciting.
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: And then also it's like you can still take your
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: daughter and go to a beautiful hotel.
• 38:38
  Speaker 6: And That is a good point.
• 38:39
  Speaker 4: I have Jewish friends who take their kids to, like,
• 38:41
  Speaker 4: see the beautiful Christmas. Yeah, and have, like, a cute
• 38:44
  Speaker 4: lunch or a high tea or something. That's a good idea.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: And, like, really, like, just celebrate the lights and stuff.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: And you don't have to explain what it's about. Yeah,
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: you don't have to explain the religious part of it.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: It's just, like, this is the time where people just
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: kind of celebrate the end of the year.
• 38:59
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 39:00
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 39:02
  Speaker 4: So that was a little bit of something I started
• 39:04
  Speaker 4: thinking about more as I, like, have– as my kid
• 39:07
  Speaker 4: gets older.
• 39:07
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: And where are your parents in your situation?
• 39:12
  Speaker 6: Well, my dad just passed.
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm sorry.
• 39:14
  Speaker 6: That's okay.
• 39:16
  Speaker 4: And he was actually a really good grandpa, like not
• 39:18
  Speaker 4: a great dad.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 39:19
  Speaker 4: But, like, you know, it's kind of a wild card
• 39:22
  Speaker 4: when you have a kid, like which of your parents
• 39:24
  Speaker 4: are going to, like, show up.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: And be cool. And it's so interesting because sometimes a
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: really good parent. actually isn't into being a grandparent.
• 39:32
  Speaker 7: It's so weird.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: They're like, I did my job. And then people are like,
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: you suck as a grandparent, you know. And then other
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: people are like, holy shit, mom. Like, what do you
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: mean you're making a pot pie from scratch? You were
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: the worst fucking mother ever. Yeah. Right. And you're like, yeah,
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: but that's why those people want that second chance to
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: like maybe they worked all the time or maybe they were,
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: you know, so then they're like, oh, my God, I
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: get this second chance to like be this. Yeah. But
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: you don't there's no guarantee that your parent will be
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: a great grandparent.
• 40:01
  Speaker 4: No.
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: And they didn't sign up to be a grandparent.
• 40:03
  Speaker 4: That's true.
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: They sign up to be a parent. So like if
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: that's true.
• 40:06
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 40:06
  Speaker 4: Moshe's mom moved here as soon as we had the
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: baby moved three blocks away from us.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 40:12
  Speaker 6: Never. We never. She only comes over to see him.
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: Deceit. Moshe.
• 40:17
  Speaker 4: I was like, oh, she wants to be closer to Moshe.
• 40:22
  Speaker 4: I swear to God. I mean, she's deaf, so they
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: do have a language barrier.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 40:27
  Speaker 4: But it'd be nice if someone would teach her sign language,
• 40:32
  Speaker 4: like Moshe.
• 40:34
  Speaker 6: It's been very hard for them to communicate.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's right. He has a very unique.
• 40:39
  Speaker 6: Both of his parents were deaf, and his mom is
• 40:41
  Speaker 6: still alive, so she's deaf.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: And is he the only child?
• 40:43
  Speaker 6: No, he has a brother.
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: He's a rabbi. Oh, wow. So then he is really Jewish.
• 40:48
  Speaker 7: Yes.
• 40:48
  Speaker 4: And I do, I want to say, I do like
• 40:50
  Speaker 4: his mother, but she definitely does not, I mean, like,
• 40:54
  Speaker 4: her screensaver on her phone is just the one son, Moshe.
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah. That's it.
• 40:59
  Speaker 4: Not the grandkid, not the other son, just Moshe. I
• 41:03
  Speaker 4: was like, isn't that kind of weird that your mom
• 41:05
  Speaker 4: has an adult picture of only one of her sons
• 41:08
  Speaker 4: on their phone? But, you know, you're right. She signed
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: up to be a mother, and maybe she'll be good
• 41:13
  Speaker 4: when the kid's a little older, but It's stressful when
• 41:15
  Speaker 4: they can't communicate.
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: Are you on TikTok a lot?
• 41:18
  Speaker 6: I am not.
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: You're not? Okay.
• 41:21
  Speaker 6: I'm not down for brain rot.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: Well, it's not that. It's like really interesting. It's just,
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: first of all, they know what you like and I
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: don't know how they know what you like.
• 41:30
  Speaker 6: It's the algorithm, I know.
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: So then I see things that like interest me that
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: I'm like, how did I? And it'll only have like
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: 800 likes or something. So it's not even like a
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: viral thing, but they'll know to give it to me.
• 41:41
  Speaker 8: Okay.
• 41:42
  Speaker 6: I know. That's so scary to me.
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: I know, but I'm like, well, I'm not a terrorist
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: and I'm not a pedophile, so I don't care that
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: you're watching me. Like, find out whatever the fuck you want.
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: There's nothing. I have nothing to hide.
• 41:53
  Speaker 6: I wish there was, like, a tier of TikTok.
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: Like, you could sign up for, like, what's the most, like,
• 41:56
  Speaker 4: the highest echelon where they just, like, feed you, like,
• 41:59
  Speaker 4: snobby interviews and, like, If you only.
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: Like snobby interviews, then that's the only thing that you're
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: sitting through the whole two minutes of. They'll know.
• 42:08
  Speaker 4: And you'll start getting them.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: They'll only give you snobby interviews, only give you baking, cooking,
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: not any kind of other cooking. Like they'll know. So
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: there was this video I saw where this woman took
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: this video and was like compared a man seeing his
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: daughter for the first time as a bride. And how
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: the comments were like, this is the most beautiful thing.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: This guy really is the greatest father ever, the greatest
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: man ever. And then she shared when she got to
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: see her son for the first time on his wedding
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: day and their embrace and the comments about what a
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: fucking freak she is, what a loser, get a life,
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: move on already, cut the umbilical cord, like all this stuff.
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: And as like a mother of a boy, I say
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: that too because it's like you always hear about the
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: awful mother-in-laws. And I'm like one day I'm going to
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: be that mother-in-law.
• 43:07
  Speaker 6: You're going to kill it, Heather.
• 43:08
  Speaker 4: You're in it to win it, honey.
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: Like there is something weird like just because you give
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: birth to a boy, there's societal stigma that you can't
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: be like. super into that boy forever because they're supposed
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: to be a man right you should be like off
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: i see but like why can't she be she can
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: have a favorite son.
• 43:32
  Speaker 4: Well i hear you and she's she's great but um
• 43:36
  Speaker 4: but that's what else i'm scared about with tiktok like
• 43:38
  Speaker 4: i just i read something on instagram yesterday it was
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: just like cute coastal town people have forgotten about And
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: just the comments were like.
• 43:45
  Speaker 6: This place sucks.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: Fuck you.
• 43:46
  Speaker 4: Now it's not a secret anymore. Fuck you, Instagram. Fuck you,
• 43:49
  Speaker 4: New York Times. Everyone's just so angry. Why is everyone
• 43:52
  Speaker 4: so mad? The comments are the cruelest meatus. It was
• 43:55
  Speaker 4: like a fishing community. Like, go visit it.
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: Why? So tell me some stuff in here that you have.
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: Tell me some other stuff. Here it says, wait.
• 44:06
  Speaker 4: Okay, so... Okay, well, you might find this interesting. At
• 44:09
  Speaker 4: one point, I did do an interview with Moshe.
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 44:12
  Speaker 4: For a chapter. Because I'm like, why is he able
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: to be like this? Like I told you, like he's just.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: Making a protein shake.
• 44:19
  Speaker 4: Well, he's just having fun, you know. Living life, yeah.
• 44:22
  Speaker 4: And we would get in so many fights because, you know,
• 44:24
  Speaker 4: you get married to someone, you share a worldview. Like
• 44:26
  Speaker 4: Moshe and I, you know, we both believe in science.
• 44:29
  Speaker 4: We both voted for Bernie Sanders. You know, like we
• 44:31
  Speaker 4: have so much in common. And then we have the
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: kid and we, it's all minutiae that we cannot agree on.
• 44:37
  Speaker 4: You know, he's like, she needs to wear a hat. No,
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: she doesn't need to wear a hat.
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 44:40
  Speaker 4: It's like all of this minutia of the baby.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: So dumb.
• 44:43
  Speaker 4: This is how you do the car seat. No, that's
• 44:44
  Speaker 4: not how you do it. We would go camping. He's like,
• 44:46
  Speaker 4: I want her close to the fire. I'm like, that
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: pack and plate is flammable. And he's like, but she's
• 44:50
  Speaker 4: not getting the experience of camping if she's too far
• 44:52
  Speaker 4: away from the fire.
• 44:54
  Speaker 6: And so it's just like constant. Every day it's something.
• 44:57
  Speaker 4: And like, I didn't know this about him when we
• 44:59
  Speaker 4: were together because we didn't have this like, It wasn't
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: the same with dogs.
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no one will know, yeah.
• 45:04
  Speaker 4: So then when I interviewed him.
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: I know, when people think it's the same with dogs,
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: it's not. I hate to break it to you.
• 45:08
  Speaker 8: I know.
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: Dogs are so much easier. I don't even like my
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: dogs anymore.
• 45:12
  Speaker 6: Get these dogs out of my life. I've got like
• 45:13
  Speaker 6: three elderly chihuahuas. I'm just like so over it.
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: Anyway, so Moshe, I interviewed him because he, you know,
• 45:20
  Speaker 4: likes to mansplain and talk about it. I'm like, so
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: what is your view on motherhood? And, you know, I
• 45:27
  Speaker 4: asked him about me and then also fatherhood and the
• 45:29
  Speaker 4: thing he said that I really learned. because I do
• 45:31
  Speaker 4: struggle with fear and love and they're kind of interchangeable.
• 45:35
  Speaker 4: Like I never, they're like, you'll never know that you
• 45:37
  Speaker 4: love something this much. But also I never knew I
• 45:39
  Speaker 4: would be so fearful and so afraid of them, something
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: happening to them.
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 45:43
  Speaker 4: And so Moshe said, my job is the chief fun officer.
• 45:47
  Speaker 4: He's like the CFO of our family. And I'm here
• 45:49
  Speaker 4: to make sure that everybody has fun. And I'm like, okay. Like,
• 45:54
  Speaker 4: cause that's never my approach. My approach is like, how
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: do I keep everyone safe? And like what, What's the
• 45:59
  Speaker 4: worst thing that could happen and how can I.
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: Prepare for that? Right, right.
• 46:02
  Speaker 4: You know, and that's exhausting. And that takes up so
• 46:04
  Speaker 4: much mental energy. And the other thing he said to
• 46:07
  Speaker 4: me that really struck a chord is he's like, if
• 46:10
  Speaker 4: you're constantly worried about your child, there is no way
• 46:14
  Speaker 4: that she is not psychically picking that up somehow. That
• 46:17
  Speaker 4: you're just always, and it's not good for her, you know.
• 46:21
  Speaker 4: And so that kind of helped me a little bit.
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: not be like so scared because I don't want to
• 46:28
  Speaker 4: fuck her up.
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: But that's the first time he said that was when
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: you interviewed him for the book. Yes. So that's really amazing.
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: Well, he was very articulate because like, I don't know. Well,
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: she was probably three, but you know.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: No, but I mean that you got to a place
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: of like opening up in a way that, you know,
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: here you guys are spending every night, every day together
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: and he never said that to you. Not until he
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: was like put on the spot. I think that's really
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: great actually.
• 46:52
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think so too. And I think that he
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: also doesn't understand like he's a real mess. And then
• 46:58
  Speaker 4: now there's a kid and it's like I could handle
• 47:01
  Speaker 4: his mess.
• 47:02
  Speaker 6: It was kind of.
• 47:02
  Speaker 4: Cute, I thought. But now it's like now that there's
• 47:06
  Speaker 4: like someone emptying the contents of a junk drawer every
• 47:09
  Speaker 4: two feet, you know, my whole life, like a child.
• 47:12
  Speaker 4: And then he's doing stuff. It's like I can't really
• 47:15
  Speaker 4: handle all of that.
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 47:16
  Speaker 4: That's why I'm like not having another kid. Like I'm
• 47:19
  Speaker 4: like maxed out for sure. And I love it, but,
• 47:22
  Speaker 4: I mean, I don't love his mess. But I think
• 47:26
  Speaker 4: when I.
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: Told him that— At one time, did you think you
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: might want to have a second?
• 47:29
  Speaker 4: No. I didn't want one.
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: And he wanted two, and I convinced him otherwise.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: Oh, right.
• 47:35
  Speaker 4: I was like, listen, we're not doing two. It's not happening.
• 47:38
  Speaker 6: I don't want to be a referee.
• 47:40
  Speaker 4: I have a problem brother who kind of ruined our
• 47:43
  Speaker 4: childhood growing up.
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: What was that about? Tell me about that.
• 47:45
  Speaker 4: He was just psychotic, you know?
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: Really psychotic? Not psychotic.
• 47:48
  Speaker 4: Like, diagnosed?
• 47:49
  Speaker 7: Not psychotic.
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: Was he older or younger?
• 47:51
  Speaker 4: He's younger.
• 47:51
  Speaker 6: He lives now, like, in a van. You know, he's
• 47:54
  Speaker 6: lived there most of his life.
• 47:56
  Speaker 4: But he, you know, he would do crazy shit. He
• 47:59
  Speaker 4: would wake up and he would, like, climb a tree
• 48:02
  Speaker 4: and mow his, mow fuck you in the lawn. And,
• 48:05
  Speaker 4: I mean, just, like, tell my. Oh, actually, right.
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: Fuck you in the grass.
• 48:09
  Speaker 4: He was just, like.
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: He's kind of clever, though.
• 48:12
  Speaker 4: He was crazy. Like, I remember we went on a
• 48:14
  Speaker 4: childhood vacation and. With my mom, you know, my mom
• 48:17
  Speaker 4: was divorced, and we came to this lookout point. And
• 48:21
  Speaker 4: my brother, Louie, he must have seen that the cliff had, like,
• 48:26
  Speaker 4: a thing, so he jumped off and was like, oh!
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: Pretending to?
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 48:31
  Speaker 6: And my mom started bawling.
• 48:33
  Speaker 4: Me and my other brother were, like, life stopped.
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: How old was he when he did that?
• 48:37
  Speaker 6: Like, maybe 10 or something.
• 48:38
  Speaker 4: And then all of a sudden, after 30 seconds, he
• 48:41
  Speaker 4: pops up, and he's like, surprise! So, like... It was
• 48:46
  Speaker 4: like stuff like that all the time. And like, he
• 48:49
  Speaker 4: must've had some kind of undiagnosed, I don't know. He
• 48:52
  Speaker 4: didn't want to take any medication. And you know, it
• 48:54
  Speaker 4: was my mother, like spent all of her energy trying
• 48:56
  Speaker 4: to deal with that.
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: And what, where was he in that? So there was
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: three of you and what number was he?
• 49:00
  Speaker 6: He was the middle child.
• 49:00
  Speaker 7: Okay.
• 49:01
  Speaker 4: But that made me very, so I'm like, I have
• 49:03
  Speaker 4: one amazing child.
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: Let's not roll the dice.
• 49:05
  Speaker 4: Let's not roll the dice. Like I, you know, also I'm,
• 49:09
  Speaker 4: I couldn't have, I would have to, well, I'm totally
• 49:11
  Speaker 4: open to adopting. And I think that, adoption just seems
• 49:14
  Speaker 4: like if you really want to make a difference in
• 49:16
  Speaker 4: the world, that seems like such a real way that
• 49:19
  Speaker 4: you can make a difference.
• 49:20
  Speaker 6: Because, like, where is this kid going, you know?
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 49:24
  Speaker 6: But I don't know what I can handle.
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: Well, so I'm the age of five, and I definitely
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: had siblings, troubling siblings. You did? Yes. So I'm very
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: close to my sister who's right above me.
• 49:37
  Speaker 7: Okay.
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: My two oldest brothers just passed this year.
• 49:42
  Speaker 4: Both of them?
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: Yes. But it's people that listen to my show all
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: the time know all the stories. But like, you know,
• 49:50
  Speaker 2: it was really hard growing up and seeing how much
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: trouble they caused my parents. And so it's like as
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: a kid, my parents would be like, I'd wake up
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: and they'd be in their pajamas and they were up
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: all night because one of these teenagers didn't come home.
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: And they'd be like, if you ever, if you and
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: Shannon ever disappoint us like this. And I was like,
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: we'll just kill ourselves. Like we can't.
• 50:16
  Speaker 6: She said that?
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah. She's like, we cannot take two more that are
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: fucked up and like not.
• 50:21
  Speaker 4: But did that make you be good?
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: Yes. A hundred percent. Anytime. That is so hilarious. Anytime.
• 50:27
  Speaker 6: Threaten your child with suicide.
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: And then like anytime, like someone would offer me like
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: any kind of drug or whatever.
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: You said no?
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: No. Yeah, because I was like, they did drugs and
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: their lives were not good. Even pot and stuff like that.
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: So I was like, in my head, and I'm not
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: saying this is not right. I'm telling you what my
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: worldview was at my age based on my opinion. I
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: thought if I start smoking pot, I'm going to be
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: a loser that doesn't go to college and doesn't keep
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: a job. So for me, that's what was coming. So yeah,
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: for the same... I kind of relate in that there
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: were times where, and a little bit, I was like, oh,
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: I wonder, there's a little part of me that's like,
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: I should have had like a third child that I'd
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: give birth to, which would be four for my family.
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: And because I'm like, especially if I would have done
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: it at Chelsea lately, like I would have had like
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: a paid maternity leave and all that stuff. But then
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't have been with that baby because I would
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: have had to be going to work. So there were
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: times where I was like a little bit sad as
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: my kids got older. Should I had one more? Whatever. Whatever.
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: But then there was also that thing at that point
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: that I was like in my late 30s and I
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: was like, I don't want to roll the dice because
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: right now I have two healthies and then what would
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: I do? And also you don't know. You could give
• 51:47
  Speaker 2: birth to a healthy baby and then there could be
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: issues later. And there's nothing you can do, you know?
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: Like that's just such a– so I kind of was
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: the same thing knowing that like my– but I was
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: like the one that like nobody– I was the double–
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: I was the mistake. Like I was– Like, my mom
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: was done after the three, went on the pill, and
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: then it was kind of a newer thing.
• 52:11
  Speaker 4: It was inevitable for you to come out, honey.
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: It was a newer thing. So then her friend got, like,
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: a blood clot or something. So then she went off
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: the pill and then had my sister and was trying to, like,
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: do the, you know, Catholic method of, like, counting and
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: all that. And then got pregnant again with me. And
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: my dad was like, are you fucking kidding? He'd always
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: be like, your mom couldn't count a calendar. Like, it
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: was always my mom's fault that she was pregnant.
• 52:35
  Speaker 6: Well, they didn't have apps then or anything.
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. And so, yeah, so then I always knew that, like,
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: I wasn't planned or anything. But I never felt like
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: they didn't want me. Like, they doted on me. But
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: it was like we were so honest about everything in
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: our family.
• 52:52
  Speaker 4: I love the idea of you being like, they have
• 52:55
  Speaker 4: a real baby I can touch.
• 52:56
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 52:57
  Speaker 6: That is so cute.
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because when you're the youngest, it's like, oh, that
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: must be fun to have someone younger that you could
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: like boss around or whatever.
• 53:06
  Speaker 4: I mean, believe me, I would obviously want to have
• 53:08
  Speaker 4: a baby for my kid.
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: Because she's like desperate for, you know, she like always
• 53:15
  Speaker 4: says that.
• 53:16
  Speaker 6: Her friends are her play cousins.
• 53:17
  Speaker 4: Like she clearly wants to have something besides. She's asked
• 53:21
  Speaker 4: me before, I wish I had a sibling. And it's sad. But, like,
• 53:25
  Speaker 4: she doesn't understand, like, we can't all go to Japan.
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: Exactly. I mean, that's the best part of my friends
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: who have one child. My other friend, she comes from
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: a huge family. And she and her husband just had
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: their one son who's a freshman in high school right now. And,
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: I mean, he's a really great kid. And they do have, like,
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: he does have cousins and stuff. But still, their family
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: is their family. It's just three of them. And, I mean,
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: it is nice. I mean, they would get invited to...
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: things that we wouldn't get invited to because we're too
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: many fucking people oh.
• 53:57
  Speaker 4: I was at my dentist after I had my kid
• 54:00
  Speaker 4: and he's like are you having another one and I
• 54:02
  Speaker 4: was like no he's like one child's not a family
• 54:06
  Speaker 4: my dentist told me this that's rude I know but
• 54:09
  Speaker 4: I mean it is though like it is a family is.
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: It annoying though when you had how many times because
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: I I would have to stop my mom from doing
• 54:17
  Speaker 2: that where she'd be like to that friend that had
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: the one she'd be like oh my God, he's so cute.
• 54:23
  Speaker 2: You should have another da da da. And I'm like, mom,
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: shut up. Like that is just as rude as telling,
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: asking someone, are you going to have kids? Like, I
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: think that is really, that's a new thing people need
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: to stop doing.
• 54:33
  Speaker 4: Asking people if they want kids.
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: Or asking, are you going to have another?
• 54:35
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: Like you, just because you have one, that's like one
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: and a half. Don't be asking that. Let them volunteer
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: that information. Cause a lot of people do just want
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: the one. And it's like, and it, it, You know,
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: it's nice to have two and that they kind of
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: can play with each other, but it is a lot
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: more chaos.
• 54:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: And it is much easier to go on a trip.
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: And you only, like, need one hotel room.
• 55:00
  Speaker 6: Yeah, we just put her in the bathroom.
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah. We do. In a little pack and play thing.
• 55:05
  Speaker 6: Well, when she was a baby.
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. And so, like, what have you dealt with
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: any– what else? How are, like, other mothers? Do you
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: feel like– are you in a school that is, like,
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: hippy-dippy Hollywood people and you all get along? Or do
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: you feel like the outsider?
• 55:20
  Speaker 4: It's hard because, you know, we're used to hanging out with, like,
• 55:22
  Speaker 4: the funniest people ever.
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 55:25
  Speaker 4: So it's hard to just, like, hang out with moms,
• 55:28
  Speaker 4: you know?
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 55:29
  Speaker 7: I know.
• 55:30
  Speaker 6: No offense.
• 55:32
  Speaker 4: But– Let me just say I have not made that
• 55:35
  Speaker 4: many mom friends that easily.
• 55:37
  Speaker 6: I mean, I think I'm, like, kind of dark.
• 55:38
  Speaker 4: You know what I mean?
• 55:39
  Speaker 6: Like, actually, I mean, it's hard because, you know.
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: We're... I tried really hard, and then I just one
• 55:47
  Speaker 2: day gave up. You did?
• 55:49
  Speaker 4: You tried hard?
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: I thought I tried hard. I did.
• 55:52
  Speaker 6: And they just weren't having it.
• 55:54
  Speaker 2: I just... Well, there was part of it, being completely honest,
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: where I was like, why aren't they, like, a little
• 56:01
  Speaker 2: more excited than other fucking McDonald's?
• 56:04
  Speaker 4: Right, you're like... Like, I'm like, do they not.
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: Get, like, do they not watch Chelsea Lately? Do they
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: not get that I'm, like, doing stand-up at, like, the
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: Thousand Oaks Civic Arts Center? Like, they don't want to
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: go in a group and, like, hear me talk about, like,
• 56:15
  Speaker 2: mom shit? And then I kind of was like, no,
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: they don't care. Because they have their own thing going on,
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: and they really don't care. Yeah. And then when I
• 56:25
  Speaker 2: finally was like, wow, well, this wasn't really what my
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: high school... This is not what I thought... There's a
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: little part of me that's, like, jealous that my sister...
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: Has had made so many friends and were involved in
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: so many different like school mom things. And I just wasn't.
• 56:41
  Speaker 6: You know what I do?
• 56:42
  Speaker 4: I sign up and then I have to cancel because
• 56:45
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I want to help. And then, you know,
• 56:49
  Speaker 4: work comes up or your schedule changes or, you know,
• 56:52
  Speaker 4: so it's like. I want to be there in spirit.
• 56:54
  Speaker 4: I don't really know what the answer is to that.
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: I remember my son was like in seventh grade, my
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: older son, and he never made me feel bad for
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: being busy. My younger son, now that he's older, I'm like,
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: do you remember when you'd say this? And he'd be like, yes.
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: I'm like, why? Why did you make me feel bad?
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: We'd be like, I'd be like, let's say our prayers tonight.
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: And he's like, I pray that my mommy doesn't have
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: to work. And I was like, oh, fuck. Why do
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: you make me feel so bad? My daughter does that too.
• 57:19
  Speaker 4: She wants to be with me all the time. And like,
• 57:22
  Speaker 4: I just told my husband, I said, I feel so
• 57:23
  Speaker 4: bad because so much of my time with her, I'm
• 57:26
  Speaker 4: trying to wrap it up. You know, like she's like,
• 57:28
  Speaker 4: come sit with me while I take my bath. And
• 57:31
  Speaker 4: like the babysitters are, I'm like, I have a zoom.
• 57:33
  Speaker 4: I have to go, you know, but I feel like
• 57:35
  Speaker 4: that energy I'm doing so much and it makes me
• 57:38
  Speaker 4: feel bad because then when she's gone, I'm like, I
• 57:41
  Speaker 4: love her so much. I just want to hang out
• 57:42
  Speaker 4: with her, but I have work to do. And I,
• 57:45
  Speaker 4: it's so hard to make that balance. You think the
• 57:48
  Speaker 4: kids are making us feel guilty?
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: They do.
• 57:50
  Speaker 4: But I pray that she doesn't have to go to work.
• 57:52
  Speaker 2: I mean, I do think so. And I, I mean,
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: I can't go back and think like, oh, you know, could,
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: would the kids have turned out differently? Like if I
• 58:03
  Speaker 2: didn't do Chelsea lately, like I can't, I mean, it
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: is what it is. And I knew I had to
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: do that in order to have a career after that.
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: Like if I was like 37 or something when the
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: opportunity came. And I'm like, if I don't take this,
• 58:15
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be too old to, like, get back
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: into it.
• 58:17
  Speaker 4: And it's good modeling for your kids to, like, see.
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: Oh, my kids, like, we have a great relationship. Seems
• 58:23
  Speaker 2: like you do. And there's no, like, guilt or anything.
• 58:25
  Speaker 2: But there were times when... Like, I would kind of
• 58:29
  Speaker 2: hear things or think, like, my younger son, I think,
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: would have benefited from me being around more. My older
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: son would have been fine no matter what.
• 58:40
  Speaker 4: And they had their dad. A lot of kids just
• 58:42
  Speaker 4: have a nanny.
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: Right, exactly.
• 58:44
  Speaker 6: So the dad is kind of everything, you know?
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 58:46
  Speaker 6: It's an extension of you.
• 58:47
  Speaker 2: And then, so, but this one woman, so I signed
• 58:51
  Speaker 2: up after Chelsea Lantley was done. I was like, I'm
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: going to be more involved now. I missed all these
• 58:56
  Speaker 2: years of poetry readings and stuff. And so I signed
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: up for, like, a bunch of shit and, like, didn't
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: put in my calendar, totally forgot. And so I get
• 59:09
  Speaker 2: like this email, not a, not a phone number or
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: a text. Like how the fuck do you think I'm
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: checking my email? And they're like, you forgot to bring
• 59:17
  Speaker 2: the plates or something for this thing. And I'm like,
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: Oh my God. It's already like one 30. Like the
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: lunch has already come and gone. And I'm like, I'm so,
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: so sorry. And then it like happened again. And, um,
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: I felt so bad, but I was like, whatever. And
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: this woman comes up to me at Costco and she's like,
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: you forgot the napkins again. And I think she was
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: kind of joking, but it was like shortly after one
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: of my parents had passed. And I just like fucking
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: burst into tears. And I was like, and then I'm like,
• 59:47
  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry now. Now you feel terrible and you
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: are the one that remembers napkins and I'm not. Like
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: you shouldn't feel bad. The moms that do all this stuff,
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: they have every right to be mad at the moms
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: like me that weren't running the school and then like
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: wanted to be a part of it and wasn't great
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: at it. Like I get it where they're like, you
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: know what? Can you just not?
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 6: Well, those people don't have careers usually, right?
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: But I also want to say like, I see sympathies
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 2: for them too, because then it's like, but then there'd
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: be part of me where I'd be like, okay, I
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: could never go to anything. Can I just go to
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: this one thing? Like you guys have gone to everything
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: for seven years. Can I just be the one of
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 2: the four moms that gets to go on this one
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 2: field trip? And they still would be like, not great
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: about it. And I think one time I basically did
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: start to say that.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 4: I mean, some of these moms though, they might be
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 4: more talent, not talented, but they just have a larger capacity.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 4: Like I think that some people like me and you, like,
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 4: we'd probably be good with three hours a day with
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 4: the kids.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 6: Whereas, like, some people could probably do eight and not
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 6: lose it.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: I'm also, like, horrible at, like, any kind of crafts.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I know what you mean.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: I'm just, like, not into it. Like, I've never been
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: good at art anyway.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 4: Moshe will always, he says the same thing. I like it,
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 4: but he's, like, he'll immediately, when it's his turn, take
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 4: her somewhere. That's, like, all he can do is, like,
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 4: take her to the horses, take her to a movie,
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 4: take her to a fair, like. He needs to go
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 4: out and do something.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 6: He can't do an activity either.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 6: It's really challenging.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: So tell me what else. What else are you hoping
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 2: that people get out of this book? What are your
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: three best tips as.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 6: Being a mother?
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 4: Well, I will say like raising a child, because this
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 4: is coming from a kind of a cishet, you know, very,
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 4: you know, males are this and female. It's just my
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 4: experience is that. But like I would say as a woman,
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 4: I would have to have, five drinks and be an
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 4: amputee for my parenting style to be equal to that
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 4: of a sober father.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 6: Like, Moshe would be like, when we first had her,
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 6: he was like, can we just leave her in the car?
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, no.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 6: That's like a famous thing you don't do.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: Wait, to do what? To go to dinner?
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, or he's just like, we're just going to run
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 4: to Starbucks. Yeah, and I'm just.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 6: Like, no.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 4: He's like, there's a valet guy like right there.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: I'm like, just like.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 4: having to deal with that and then I was finally
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 4: like okay I'm just gonna go have a coffee because
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 4: I was breastfeeding I was like I need to get
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 4: out of the house can you bathe her and I
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 4: come back and he just has her in the sink
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 4: with the dishes like just doing it all and I
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 4: was like do not put Dawn on my baby okay
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 4: she is not a duck after an oil spill but
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 4: like every day it's like having to deal with this
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 4: like if you and I were raising children together that
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 4: would never happen right of course not we like think
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 4: the same right but I'm sure there are male and
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 4: female who think the same but like It's.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 6: Just been such a challenge.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: Right. I remember my friend and her husband, and these
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: weren't teenage parents, okay? They were like in their early 30s, okay?
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: He makes a lot of money, went to college, and
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: this was their second child, okay? So she was off
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: with the first child, and the second child was a baby.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: And he was to watch the baby for the day.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: So she comes home after a few hours. And this
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: is years ago, okay, before like Postmates and stuff. So
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: she sees like a bag from like a Mexican place.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: And she goes, oh, you took Kelly to go to
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: the whatever, Burrito Mania or whatever? And he goes, no.
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 2: She was napping. I went to go get a burrito. What?
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 6: You can get your kid taken away for that.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: Believe me, my friend went fucking off.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 4: He didn't know.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 2: He was like, he goes, what? It was 10 minutes.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: And then she had to be like, what if there
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: was a fire?
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 4: See, it's so scary because you can't trust that judgment.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 2: What if you going to get the burrito got hit
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 2: by a car? And nobody knew this baby was here
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: for three hours. Like, do you understand? Like, you have
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: to say all those things because someone's like, what? The
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: task takes 10 minutes. Like, and the kid is sleeping
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 2: for two hours.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 4: That is insane.
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 2: But that is a man. I know.
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 4: And then it's like, so then you've got to preemptively
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 4: be thinking like, oh, okay, wait, what, sneaker waves are
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 4: a thing? Okay, well, what if a wave comes when
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 4: we're on the beach and, like, takes over our family? Like, everywhere...
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 4: I start, like, going, like, what's the worst thing that
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 4: can happen?
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 2: When the tsunami happened, I was so obsessed with the tsunami.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 2: Anytime we were on the beach, I would be, like,
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 2: I would look past the waves and I would start
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 2: to just imagine a huge tsunami and which child I
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: would grab. And, like, you know.
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 4: Do you have a favorite?
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 5: They've switched over the years oh that's good yeah because
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 5: someone told me that our kid would would switch back
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 5: and forth from me to Moshe yeah but I seem
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 5: to be the main person she likes all the time.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: I think with people that have a few kids I
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: think there are kids and when people say do you
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 2: have a favorite and they're like oh she was mom's
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: favorite or whatever I think that when you give birth
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: to your kids, along with them looking like you, some
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 2: of them have personalities, like let's say you have three kids.
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 2: There might be one that has a very similar personality
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 2: to you, which might be a problem, or it might
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 2: be a personality maybe like your spouse's, and it's very
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 2: compatible to you. Oh, interesting. And so then you were like,
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 2: that one we just jive better. I remember my mom,
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 2: with my sisters, she was funny, and she'd say some snarky,
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 2: bitchy things. And it would be my sister would get
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 2: very upset. My other sister sometimes would be upset. And
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 2: I never cared. Interesting. And so we probably had the
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 2: best I think we had. She had a great relationship.
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 2: She loved all her kids. But, like, I think my
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: mom and I were the most similar and had the
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 2: greatest relationship. And then, like, kind of same with my
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 2: dad because I sort of had this personality that was, like,
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 2: the good attributes of both was in this. And it
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 2: could kind of, like. And I think with my older son,
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 2: he has like the logic and the math brain of
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 2: my husband, which I don't have. But then he has
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: like the funniness of like me. And he actually like
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: wants to hear like the stories and the juicy scoop
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 2: and stuff. He'll be like, just tell me the story
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 2: or whatever. So like for a boy, like you don't
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 2: think sometimes people think, oh, you can't have that with
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 2: a boy. But you can. And like so– Um, I mean,
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 2: my other son is 16. I still love talking to
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: him and everything, but just with my oldest son, who's 20,
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 2: we're just at like a more adult level of conversation
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 2: that I kind of just enjoy talking to him. Like
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 2: I could, I could do an eight hour road trip
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 2: with my older son. And like he was, my husband
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 2: was like, I can't believe that, you know, this kid
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 2: that we know and his mom is driving from LA
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 2: to North Carolina where the kid's going to school. And
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 2: I'm like, why? He's like, I mean, it would just
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: make some more sense to fly an inventor car.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, please talk to me for 16 hours.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I could go across the country with Drake
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 2: or with Brandon. Like, I could, I would, like, when
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 2: do you have eight hours to talk and listen to
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: stuff and.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 4: What did your mom do to make you want to
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 4: live next door to her? Is there any, besides tell
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 4: you she's going to commit suicide if you try drugs?
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 2: I didn't necessarily want to live next door to her.
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: It was, we first lived in Sherman Oaks when my
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 2: husband owned a condo. And then I remember I was
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 2: looking for little houses around Sherman Oaks. And he goes, well,
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 2: why are we looking here? If we're going to buy
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 2: a house, why wouldn't we be closer to your parents?
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 2: He said it. And I was like, all right. So
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 2: we found a house here in Woodland Hills. And then
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 2: we were going to, we were like kind of in
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 2: the market for thinking, should we go to the next
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 2: level where we have a little bigger house? And my
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 2: mom was like, oh, we're going to, they were in
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 2: real estate. So she's like, oh, we're going to get
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 2: the listing of the house next door because the man
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 2: is older and he's going to, you know, go to
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 2: a place. And I'm like, well, I think we'd want
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 2: that house. And my mom's like, well, why would you
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 2: want that house? It's the smallest house on the street.
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 2: So tired. And she's like, and it has no pool.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 2: I'm like, that's exactly what we want. We want the
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: smallest house on the, on the best street. We'll build
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 2: stuff and we don't need a pool. We'll just use yours.
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 2: And then eventually we'll build a pool. And so then
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 2: it like all worked out, but it was like, it
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 2: was scary for my parents. Like they didn't want to
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 2: be like, everyone loves Raymond. They were like, so respectful.
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 2: They never knocked on the door unannounced. Yeah. And my
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 2: mom would be like, would you like to come over
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 2: for dinner Tuesday? And like that type of thing. And
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 2: then there would be times where I'd ask her to
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 2: sit and they'd be like, no, we're tired. That's cool.
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 2: Because they were older. So there were times when they
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 2: just couldn't do it.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 4: Motion's family always babysits when I ask them.
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 4: But it's like once every two weeks or something.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 2: Right. Yeah. Well, I'm so glad you came. Natasha, tell
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 2: us everything besides the book. You have your podcast. What
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 2: are the projects?
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 4: I have a podcast we'd love to have you on,
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 4: People Ask Advice. It's called The Endless Honeymoon Podcast.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: Yes, I follow your Instagram and I see your clips. Okay.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 4: I find it a nice way to just hijack him
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 4: with things I'm upset about and then crowdsource it and
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 4: see who agrees with me.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 2: That is such a good idea. Yeah. Because it's always, like,
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 2: I remember there was this TV show that, like, did
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 2: make it, but I thought it was a brilliant idea.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 2: I want to say, like, Jerry Seinfeld might have produced
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 2: it or something. Or Tom Papa was the host.
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 5: Oh, yeah.
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 4: I remember that.
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 2: And it was, like, because it was that feeling where
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 2: when you're fighting with your spouse, you're like, if there
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 2: was cameras, there's no way that the world would not
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: be 100% on my side, right? And so I just,
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 2: I thought it was such a good idea. It just didn't, like,
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 2: execute right. I don't know. Maybe it would never. But
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 2: it was that idea that a couple would come and
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 2: tell their argument or whatever. And then the world would
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 2: say who is right, who's wrong. But, yeah, you can
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 2: do that with your show a little bit.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 4: And sometimes I won't. But, I mean, I try to
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 4: not tell him and then just see what he says.
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 4: Sometimes he cuts it out. But usually, like, he thinks
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 4: it's okay to use my toothbrush.
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 2: Every day or, like, on a trip?
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 4: He says when he can't find his, but it was
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 4: every day. And then, like, every time I'd grab my toothbrush,
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 4: it would be wet and, like, dripping wet.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 6: Would you like that?
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 2: No, but I will be honest about one thing.
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 6: You allow this?
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 7: No.
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 2: Peter would never use mine. But there have been times, like,
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 2: on a trip or something where I either forgot it
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 2: or I was lazy. And I have used his. But
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 2: I've wiped it dry and I've never told him.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 4: Once in a while.
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 6: But he's chaos, so he's, like, can never find it.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 4: So, and then he got so.
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 2: How do you lose your toothbrush?
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 4: He just is, like, brushing his teeth in bed and
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 4: then throws it somewhere.
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 2: Who knows? Oh, jeez.
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 4: But he was so humiliated by the comment section of
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 4: everyone telling him, like, how disgusting and how it's like...
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 4: So those kind of things have been very effective. Yeah.
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 4: Better than therapy.
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 4: So we have our podcast, the Endless Honeymoon podcast, and
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 4: I'm just really excited for this... book to come out
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 4: and I'll never have to think about it again.
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 2: Was it, did you?
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 4: It took me three years to write. I did not
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 4: enjoy it, but it is very funny. And. Because there
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 4: was the pandemic, so I had nothing else to do.
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 4: So then any standout.
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 2: So did you already have the deal before the pandemic?
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 7: Yes.
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 2: You already had the book deal.
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 7: Yes.
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 2: And so, I mean, that would have been the most, like,
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 2: I think the most, the, the people that had to
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 2: write a book during the pandemic were or give birth
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 2: to a baby, maybe not give birth.
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: This is the most ideal situation. Let me know. And
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 2: someone will go, you're wrong, Heather.
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: If you had just given birth, like March 1st, okay.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 2: And then everything shut down March 20th. Right. And then
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 2: I think for those people and their husband could stay
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 2: home and like work from home. And maybe you were
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 2: planning on staying home or you got after three months,
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 2: you got another, whatever, six months at home. Those people are,
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 2: I think that's the most perfect, that's the most perfect situation.
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 4: Okay, well, here's what you're not thinking of. I had
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 4: no childcare, so I couldn't write.
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 2: Oh, and you had a toddler.
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 6: I had a, I was breastfeeding.
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 4: So I found ways, but like it wasn't, and I
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 4: really didn't want her to watch TV under two. No,
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 4: I meant either you.
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 2: Have the baby and you don't have to do anything
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 2: but take care of the baby. Or you have to
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 2: write the book and you don't have anything to do except.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 4: Write the book.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 2: You don't have a baby.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 4: You have to write a book about a baby without
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 4: a baby.
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 2: No baby. No baby. Like you just got to like
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 2: get a book deal. But it's just all you had
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 2: to do. Then I think that would be easy.
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 4: Well, whatever I did was not easy. But it was–
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 4: I'm glad it exists. Because you had both.
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 2: You had both. That's not– you got to have one
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 2: or the other.
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 7: Right.
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 2: But yeah. And you thought it was– but you enjoyed–
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 2: but when you actually got like– on a roll, did
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 2: you enjoy it?
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 7: Yes.
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 4: And I enjoyed, you know, thinking about things in different
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 4: ways that I hadn't before, you know, like I never
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 4: thought of my Nana with seven kids and like how
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 4: she did it. And like, I feel like I'm from
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 4: like three generations of women who ironed for men, you know,
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 4: and just being able to like, not be like that. Like,
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 4: you know, you start to see, like you compare yourself
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 4: to your relatives and, you know, we have come a
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 4: long way as women. Um, And just like examining things
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 4: from different sides. Like I remember when Roe v. Wade,
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 4: like when Ruth Bader Ginsburg died. I was with my
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 4: friends and it was during the pandemic and they had
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 4: like a 10-year-old. And the mom immediately told the daughter.
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 4: She's like, Ruth Bader Ginsburg died and now we're never
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 4: going to have rights and they're going to take away
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 4: our rights.
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 6: And then the daughter started bawling, got in the fetal position, was.
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 4: Like, I hate Donald Trump. And me and my husband
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 4: were like.
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 6: Oh, my God.
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 2: Wait, you were witnessing it? Yes. Oh.
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 4: But then... So I kind of judged my friend for that.
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 4: But then after I thought about it, I'm like, we
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 4: have to tell girls what's happening, you know? Yeah. Like,
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 4: these are 10-year-old future women. Like, if someone would have
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 4: told me that when I was 10, I would have
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 4: been fucking pissed. And I think that it's just, you know,
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 4: just examining things from so many sides. Like, a book
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 4: really makes you, like, really kind of, you know, expand
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 4: these thoughts. So you start to think about things in
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 4: a different way.
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 2: I remember another thing that you said, which was so great,
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 2: because you kind of on stage would dress... kind of timeless, like,
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 2: kind of almost 1940s, 50s, whatever, like, and you're, like, cute, like,
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 2: the way you have this, like, your little coat, like,
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 2: you have a great style. Thank you. And you said something, like,
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 2: something to the effect of where it's, like.
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 4: If this is a rape joke, don't say it.
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 7: No.
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 2: Where you said, why did we have, like, you know,
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 2: thanks a lot, women's rights, because in the past, we just, like,
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 2: had to be just housewives, you know, and that would
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 2: have been so nice to just, like.
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 4: Oh, I just wish that... What was the story? Like
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 4: now we have to work and it used to be
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 4: we could just like if we wanted something, we would
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 4: just twist our dimples and act like a baby and be.
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 2: Like, please, Mr.
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 4: Sweetie, buy me a dress. And then if he didn't
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 4: give you what you wanted, your husband, you would just
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 4: faint like they would have couches made just for fainting.
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 4: I mean, it's you know, you you think things I
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 4: wouldn't say that on stage now. And I'm glad I
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 4: have a career now.
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 2: But right.
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 6: I think that, you know, just glamorizing free time.
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 7: Yes.
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 2: And I mean.
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 4: Hustling was hard. You know, like when we came up,
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 4: we really had to hustle.
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 6: And that's exhausting.
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah. But I always say that, too. Everyone was like, oh,
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 2: my God. You know, like all I had to do
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 2: was just like make a casserole all day.
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 4: You'd be so bored and you'd be drunk.
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 2: No, that's what I'm saying. You'd be drunk. You'd get drunk.
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 2: Like a lot of housewives became like. I remember my mom,
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 2: my dad's brother's wife. He was like high, like a
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 2: high-ranking officer in the Army. And she's like, oh, my God.
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 2: You know, she was so lucky. She had the twins
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 2: and she had these German nannies and she lived in
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: Germany and like da-da-da. And every night they would go
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 2: and have martinis at the officer's club. She's like, but
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 2: then she turned into an awful alcoholic and her kids
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 2: hated her.
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 4: Really?
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And it was like one of those type of things.
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 2: Like people's always like. thinking about that time in life
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 2: and how different it is.
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 4: It's like, I think motherhood is probably very fulfilling for
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 4: some women and some women it's like part of their journey.
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I always remember I saw this when I was
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 2: pregnant with Drake. I saw this, um, Oprah and I
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 2: was like pretty close to giving birth and had every
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 2: intention of like, you know, doing everything that I thought
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 2: I was going to do with my child. And then they,
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 2: the Oprah was like, this is a very serious Oprah.
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 2: This is, I'm talking to women who don't, Like being mothers. Yeah.
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 2: And they were like really honest and they were all
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 2: saying about it.
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 4: None of them liked it?
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 2: They just all talked about the struggles of it. I
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 2: hope that's not how I sound. Not at all. Because
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 2: when I watched it, I was like, don't they see
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 2: what the common denominator is?
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 4: What was it?
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 5: Breastfeeding.
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 6: They didn't like breastfeeding.
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 2: They didn't get that it was breastfeeding. But I got
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 2: that all their stress was being caused by breastfeeding. And
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 2: they wouldn't figure it. They didn't figure it out. Well,
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 2: here's a juicy scoop for you. So then when I
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 2: couldn't breastfeed, I was like, fuck it. I'm not even
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 2: going to try breastfeeding. Like, because the stress they got
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 2: where they ate broccoli and now the kid's miserable or
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 2: the kid isn't getting enough food or they can't, the
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 2: kid's strapped to them for, you know, one year and
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 2: they can't do anything and the husband feels like he's
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 2: not doing anything. And so when I shared that, like,
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 2: in my book and stuff and talked about it, people
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 2: were like, thank you. My God, why don't more people, like,
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 2: normalize not breastfeeding?
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 4: Well, yeah, you forget that the whole reason they had
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 4: formula was so that in the 20s, women in the
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 4: jazz age could go hang out and party. They didn't
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 4: have to be like at the, it was like a
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 4: feminist thing to give you the formula. What's your juicy scoop?
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 2: You said it before.
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 4: Oh, I have a juicy, well, so basically, I, this
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 4: might come across weird because I had like tons of
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 4: milk flowing from my tits and like, it was just
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 4: making me so miserable because I felt like I couldn't
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 4: live my life. I was like, After, like, four years
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 4: of trying to get pregnant, a year of being– or
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 4: 10 months of being pregnant, and then the baby's here.
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 4: Now I still can't leave my house without, like, leaking
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 4: my tits into a sink. Like, I was at the Arclight, like,
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 4: you know, leaking my boobs, like, just to go to
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 4: a movie. And I just– I really didn't like it.
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 4: And I asked my doctor– The guy, my gynecologist, he's
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 4: this really funny gay guy. And he's just like, oh, honey.
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 4: I go, how long do I have to do this?
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 4: And he was like, oh, you don't have to do
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 4: it at all. I just gave my kids Similac. And
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 4: I was like, well, like what? And then I was like, well,
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 4: maybe I should. add, he's like a month is good.
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 4: And I was like, okay. And then I asked the
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 4: guy or the pediatrician, cause I'm like, okay, she's has
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 4: more experience with, you know, the actual baby, not just
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 4: getting it out of my vagina. And she was like,
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 4: you know, I think three months, you really, she said,
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 4: it's very It's overblown, the effects, and three months is
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 4: plenty of time for it to sop up the nutrients
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 4: that are flowing through your highly productive milk titties.
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 6: I don't remember how she said it.
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 4: So I stopped, and I had to put cabbage in my,
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 4: it wouldn't stop flowing. It was a very emotional decision,
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 4: but I was like, and I had friends who were like, well,
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 4: I'm just not gonna stop because I don't want my
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 4: kid to get sick. And I'm just like, like I do,
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 4: You know, but this is just making me not be
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 4: able to– I need to be back to who I am,
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 4: to be the mom I can be. And so I stopped,
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 4: and the woman did not want me to stop. I
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 4: had to hire a lactation specialist, and she had me–
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 4: do you know how you stop?
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 6: You put cabbage.
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 7: Okay.
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 4: You had to, like, shove cabbage in your tits for, like,
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 4: two weeks, and it just slowly starts to stop up
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 4: the milk for some reason. But my kid's been totally healthy,
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 4: and I didn't have to put myself through that misery
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 4: because– It made me unhappy.
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 6: And I think you're right.
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 4: Like, you know, sharing those stories is very helpful because
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 4: I didn't even have a choice at the hospital. Like,
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 4: the hospital that I went to was run by La
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 4: Leche League. I'm not saying.
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 2: I'm.
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 4: Glad that it was. But, like, everywhere you look.
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 2: They're hardcore.
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 4: They're just, like, pictures. And they're, like, human milk for
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 4: human babies. And the second she was born, they put
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 4: her right to my boob. And I was unconscious.
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 6: You know, it was like.
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 4: No one was like, do you want to try breastfeeding?
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 4: I mean... But again, I'm glad that it happened, and
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 4: hopefully she was able to get something from it.
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 2: But no, I mean, I will say this, that like,
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 2: so yeah, I didn't breastfeed, and Drake is 6'4, 6'5.
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 2: This is the truth. He has never had an ear infection,
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 2: and only once was he on antibiotics, and he... It was,
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 2: we think he probably had COVID. And it was like
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 2: early COVID. It was January.
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 4: That's the only time he was ever on antibiotics?
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 2: That was the only time he felt he seemed sick
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 2: in his entire life.
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 1: What?
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 2: I have looked on his scalp for a 666. I'm like,
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 2: what the fuck is this person? And he was not breastfed.
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 2: And my other son had a few more colds and
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 2: stuff like that. But he was not. And so with
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 2: my second son, I told them off the bat, I'm
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 2: not breastfeeding. And they were like, okay.
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 4: Oh, you told the doc, the hospital.
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 2: I told the hospital. I'm like, so feed him and
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 2: like wake me up when he's like done. And I'll like,
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 2: I definitely want to cuddle with him and I want
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 2: to feed him the bottles and stuff. But I'm not
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 2: going to try because it didn't work for me the
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 2: first time. And then with my sister Shannon, she was like,
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 2: I want to stop breastfeeding. And I go, then do.
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 2: And she goes, but I have to call them. I go,
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 2: who's them? She goes, La Leche League. They said I
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 2: can't stop breastfeeding unless I call them. I'm like, okay, Shannon,
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 2: you're a 35-year-old attorney. Yeah.
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 4: She's afraid of a lecher.
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 2: I'm like, you live in a gated community. They're not
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 2: going to be able to get in. That is so funny.
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 2: Give your child the bottle. They might.
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 4: You never know. They're pretty passionate.
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 2: You're going to be fine. Like, so, but I also
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 2: think if someone loves breastfeeding and it's supernatural. And even
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 2: if they want to go to, like, I don't like
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 2: when people are overly judgy about someone going too long. Like,
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 2: your kid's not going to be on your tit in college. So, like.
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 2: I know everyone jokes about it when a kid can
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 2: say that they're too old. Again, not our business. Like, whatever.
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 2: Don't judge me. I won't judge you.
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 4: We've got to be entering a new state of the
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 4: world where people don't say that you have to do
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 4: things how they did them.
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 4: What is that?
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 4: With religion, with abortion, with breastfeeding. Let everyone do things
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 4: their own as long as they're not hurting people.
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 2: Right, right.
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 6: Oh, I guess they would say that you're hurting someone by.
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 4: having an abortion, I guess, but it's not like anyone's
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 4: offering any help to this unborn child. People are like,
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 4: don't have an abortion, but they're not going to give
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 4: you money to help you raise it. It's very confusing
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 4: to me.
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's exactly that. And people feel the right
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 2: to say it because 10, 15 years ago, you couldn't
• 1:23:06
  Speaker 2: write a comment and you didn't share every thought you
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 2: had at every moment. And, you know, like you would
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 2: just see something on TV or see something in paper
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 2: and be like, well, I don't agree with that, Betty. Well,
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 2: neither do I. And then that would be it. And
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 2: you wouldn't go, blah, blah, blah, blah. Do a tick tock.
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 2: I don't like that. This person said that you would
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 2: just check the comments. Yeah. You would just go on
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 2: with your life and be like, oh, I don't like
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 2: that person or I don't agree with that policy. And
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 2: like that, you know, OK, well, yeah.
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 2: Well, Natasha, thank you for this fabulous conversation. I loved
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 2: catching up with you. The World Deserves My Children. You
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 2: can preorder it right now. When is it available?
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 6: It's out November 15th.
• 1:23:46
  Speaker 2: Oh, around the corner. Okay, great.
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 4: And thank you for having me, Heather. Thank you.
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 2: I'm excited to read it.
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 6: I love to see all of your success.
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 2: And you too. I love to see your dimples. I
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 2: seem like a really good mom.
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 4: And I love that your mom kind of passed it
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 4: down to you.
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 2: Yes, but again, like not.
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 4: It feels like healthy.
• 1:24:04
  Speaker 2: Nobody's the perfect parent. You will learn. And every generation
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 2: learns from the past so you can always improve on it.
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 4: And I love that you fulfilled yourself and didn't feel
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 4: like you needed to stay home with your kids just
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 4: because they were asking you to. That's very inspirational for
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 4: me because it's tempting.
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 2: The day that he asked me, I think I was
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 2: going to be on the round table. So I was like, oh,
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 2: fuck no. I'm getting hair and makeup done and I
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 2: believe $ 348. So, no.
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 4: Those were the days.
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 2: Yes, those were the days, darlings. Thank you.
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 4: Okay, thanks, Heather.
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 6: The car is beautiful.
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 2: Where did you end up going for it?
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 6: This exclusive place that Dad has connections with.
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 4: They have more cars for more dealerships than like anywhere else.
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 6: You have to put me in touch.
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 7: What's it called?
• 1:24:50
  Speaker 6: It's Dunaidial.
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 2: Where? Dunaidial.
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 6: There's an accent on the E.
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 2: Do you mean.
• 1:24:59
  Speaker 6: Yes, I got it on Dundale Cars.
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 7: Lift?
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 2: Please. Are you going past Kimmage? Oh, Kimmage!
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 4: No.
• 1:25:06
  Speaker 6: Dundale Cars. You couldn't possibly go anywhere else.