Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #422 Hello 2022, Hello Kate

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#422 Hello 2022, Hello Kate · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers Now.
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  Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coulson, the author of a
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  Speaker 2: bunch of books about how to make your family happier.
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  Speaker 2: Happy New Year. By the way, not here with Kylie today,
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  Speaker 2: and it's breaking my heart that I'm not with her.
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  Speaker 2: It's actually genuinely crushing me. A little bit of a
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  Speaker 2: story to this, But Kylie's not living with me at
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  Speaker 2: the moment. It's okay. Our family is happy and our
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  Speaker 2: relationship is intact. But we're moving house. We're leaving Brisbane
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  Speaker 2: and Kylie is in the process of helping us to relocate,
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  Speaker 2: so we'll talk about that later. Joining me today, I
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  Speaker 2: have somebody who I think you're going to be so
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  Speaker 2: excited to meet and for the next week, all of
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  Speaker 2: this week, Kate Mead is joining me on the Happy
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  Speaker 2: Families podcast to talk kids and parenting and happiness and
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  Speaker 2: holidays and the stress of what it is to be
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  Speaker 2: a parent. Mean, welcome to Happy Family's podcast and all.
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  Speaker 3: The messiness that it brings. I am here with you.
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  Speaker 1: It's an honor Justin, and a shout out to Kylie.
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  Speaker 1: I cannot feel her high heels or a sneakers or
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  Speaker 1: any type of shoes that she walks.
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  Speaker 2: But stop people on your feet and saying what are
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  Speaker 2: you doing on my podcast?
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  Speaker 3: I'll do my best just to keep your company this week.
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  Speaker 3: How does that sound?
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  Speaker 2: So Kate, So that our happy family's community can get
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  Speaker 2: to know you a bit, they're probably thinking, well, what's
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  Speaker 2: justin doing? This is random? This is not normal. Tell
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  Speaker 2: us a bit about Cape Mead, the Cape Mead story, kids, family,
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  Speaker 2: bit of background, all that sort of stuff.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. Sure.
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  Speaker 3: So I'm a mom of three.
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  Speaker 1: I've been with my husband now for twenty years. His
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  Speaker 1: name is Chris. His nickname is Tank. If you'd believe
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  Speaker 1: it is.
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  Speaker 2: He built like one.
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  Speaker 1: He is built like one. He is built like one.
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  Speaker 1: So he's a big old footballer.
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  Speaker 2: So you've been together for about twenty years. You said
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  Speaker 2: you've got three kids. Tell us about the kids.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So Charlotte is eighteen, ready to have a bit of
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  Speaker 1: a gap year. Yeah great. So then I have a son, Patty,
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  Speaker 1: who is about to turn fifteen this year, who is
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  Speaker 1: our athletic running, surfing kind.
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  Speaker 3: Of dude, very casual, quiet little guy.
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  Speaker 1: And then we have Chester, who is twelve years old
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  Speaker 1: and Chester has autism with a mild intellectual disability and
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  Speaker 1: a speech delay. So if you think about what a
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  Speaker 1: crazy family looks like, there's a four year gap between
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  Speaker 1: the oldest and the middle child, and then we throw
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  Speaker 1: in a disability on the third wife around my house's
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  Speaker 1: pretty crazy.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, wow, Kate, we probably are going to need to
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  Speaker 2: talk about that during the week, what it's like to
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  Speaker 2: have your family and to be going through the various
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  Speaker 2: things that you are, especially those ages as well. You
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  Speaker 2: also host a podcast I do.
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  Speaker 1: It is called the Women of Influence and a sent
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  Speaker 1: it come about justin because I managed to make it
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  Speaker 1: on a list of the Australian Financial Review one hundred
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  Speaker 1: Women of Influence.
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  Speaker 3: Wow, and yeah it was crazy.
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  Speaker 1: Well it was crazy to have my name on the list, right,
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  Speaker 1: And I get to Sydney at the Sydney Town Hall
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  Speaker 1: and it's this amazing black tie event and everyone's amazing
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  Speaker 1: and there's little little Kate walking in the room thinking
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  Speaker 1: I should not be in this room. But what was
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  Speaker 1: fascinating was that I got talking to the other SAY
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  Speaker 1: finalists and one of the young girls, she was sixteen,
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  Speaker 1: and she developed a breastshield for women with breast cancer
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  Speaker 1: to help them through their treatment, and I thought, where
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  Speaker 1: are these stories? Who's telling these stories? Who's telling the
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  Speaker 1: untold stories of Australian women, not.
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  Speaker 3: The big ones in the media and the everyday woman.
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  Speaker 3: And so that is how it was born.
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  Speaker 2: Wow, I love it. So it's the Women of Influence podcast.
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  Speaker 2: We will link to that in the show notes. I
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  Speaker 2: would imagine that there's a lot of people, mums and
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  Speaker 2: dads who would really be interested in hearing these inspirational stories.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you for that. And maybe your biggest claim to
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  Speaker 2: fame right now is that So you're based in Victoria,
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  Speaker 2: but you're about to move to Sydney.
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  Speaker 1: Because this is huge, Well it's huge in my world.
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  Speaker 1: I'm heading up to Sydney for Jonesy and Amanda Breakfast
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  Speaker 1: show in Sydney and I will be one of their
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  Speaker 1: senior producers and it's a big move really word for it.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, So for those of you who are not familiar
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  Speaker 2: with the Sydney radio market, Jonesy and Amanda Keller one
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  Speaker 2: of the most popular radio programs in the country and
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  Speaker 2: you're going to be running the show for them. You'll
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  Speaker 2: be lining everything up, making everything happen and helping them
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  Speaker 2: to sound fantastic.
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  Speaker 1: It's a wonderful opportunity to get around and support them.
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  Speaker 1: We're talking about two professionals that have been at it
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  Speaker 1: for seventeen years.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, I'm.
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  Speaker 1: Not sure about running the show, but hopefully supporting and
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  Speaker 1: being a key member of the team.
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  Speaker 3: That's what I'd be hoping for.
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  Speaker 2: Hey, after the break, we're going to talk about a
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  Speaker 2: couple of these things that you highlighted, Specifically, what it
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  Speaker 2: means for your family to be moving into state given
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  Speaker 2: that the family's not moving only you are, and you're
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  Speaker 2: going to be commuting from Victoria to New South Wales
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  Speaker 2: on a every so often basis, And how is a
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  Speaker 2: family you came to the conclusion that this could work.
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  Speaker 2: That's up next on the Happy Families Podcast. It's the
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  Speaker 2: Happy Families Podcast.
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  Speaker 4: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having
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  Speaker 4: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts
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  Speaker 4: of Disciplined as a webinar to help parents set limits
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  Speaker 4: with love, compassion and humanity. Find it now at happyfamilies
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  Speaker 4: dot com dot au slash shop.
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  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families Podcast.
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  Speaker 1: The podcast for the time poor parent who just wants
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  Speaker 1: answers now with Justin and Kate.
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  Speaker 2: Sounds weird saying Justin and Kate for those of you
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  Speaker 2: who I was going to say, for those of you
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  Speaker 2: who missed it, but we're not on the radio.
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  Speaker 3: It's a podcast.
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  Speaker 2: If you've heard the first half, Kylie's not here this week,
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  Speaker 2: Kate's with me instead. I was going to explain that,
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  Speaker 2: but people aren't sort of coming back after the ads
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  Speaker 2: and going, what's going on here? So Kate, let's talk
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  Speaker 2: a bit about this role reversal. So normally when we
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  Speaker 2: hear about commuting, especially via aeroplane and interstate, what we'll
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  Speaker 2: find is that dad, in your standard biological family, the
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  Speaker 2: standard setup, Dad's taking off. He's going to be flying
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  Speaker 2: to Sydney once a week, or flying to Brisbane once
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  Speaker 2: a week or whatever, having a few days up there
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  Speaker 2: and then coming home for a couple of days. You're
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  Speaker 2: doing it the other way around, and it's not one
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  Speaker 2: of those five fo things where sometimes it'll be what
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  Speaker 2: is it like ten days on, four days off or
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  Speaker 2: something like that. What's your fly in flyout regimen looking like?
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  Speaker 2: And how did you how did you come up with this?
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  Speaker 2: How's it going to work?
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  Speaker 3: Oh? This is huge, big, all enormous.
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  Speaker 1: All of the little micro conversations I bet you can
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  Speaker 1: imagine happens. When it was first presented, it was a no,
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  Speaker 1: how can you do it? So?
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  Speaker 2: Who did you present it to? Did you talk to you?
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  Speaker 3: Just?
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  Speaker 2: What's your husband's name?
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  Speaker 3: Tank?
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  Speaker 2: That's right, you told me his name before. But Tank
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  Speaker 2: is the one that we're going to go with. So
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  Speaker 2: did you sit with Tank and say hey, sweetie, because
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  Speaker 2: of course that's what you call a tank. Did did
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  Speaker 2: you say, hey, Tank, this is this is too good
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  Speaker 2: to be true and I think I should do it?
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  Speaker 2: Or did you bring the whole family together, because again
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  Speaker 2: you've got you've got these three adolescents. Now, was it
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  Speaker 2: everyone together? Or how did this play out?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: It was no, Hey, bub this is I've just had
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  Speaker 1: an amazing phone call today, something that's come out of yeah,
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  Speaker 1: bub bub left of field, and I want to talk
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  Speaker 1: about it because there's some opportunities that come along in
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  Speaker 1: a lifetime, some you can say no to, and others
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  Speaker 1: if you don't say yes too.
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  Speaker 3: I would be worried that one day I'll roll.
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  Speaker 1: Over one Saturday morning or in ten years time and say,
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  Speaker 1: I wonder what would have happened if I'd had to
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  Speaker 1: go right, I can't imagine living a life like that.
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  Speaker 1: I can't actually, you know, and how we're trying to
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  Speaker 1: raise our children, is that what's the worst thing that
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  Speaker 1: could possibly happen? Nothing terribly bad can happen from having
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  Speaker 1: a true So if you fail, if I fail at this,
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  Speaker 1: I will have learnt.
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  Speaker 3: I will have learned so much. And so it was, yeah,
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  Speaker 3: originally it was no.
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  Speaker 2: Let me ask you, how often are you coming back.
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  Speaker 3: At the moment? Fortnightly?
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  Speaker 2: Wow?
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  Speaker 3: It is so.
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  Speaker 1: So we've done, We've mapped out, We've got the calendar
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  Speaker 1: out right, everyone knows, so we literally and then we
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  Speaker 1: actually said to the kids, when do you want mom
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  Speaker 1: home and straightaway?
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  Speaker 3: Birthdays?
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  Speaker 1: Right o?
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  Speaker 3: Bang?
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  Speaker 1: So we've got to be home for birthdays, Month's Day, bang,
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  Speaker 1: Father's Day, bang, Easter bang.
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  Speaker 3: So I was saying, I'm going to be home three
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  Speaker 3: weeks in the weekend.
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  Speaker 1: You know, one month or yeah, so special occasions non negotiable,
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  Speaker 1: you know, non negotiable.
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  Speaker 3: So I keep saying it's fortnightly, but it.
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  Speaker 2: Sounds like a bit more than that on paper though,
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  Speaker 2: even though you're saying that, it's still it's challenging to
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  Speaker 2: do what you're doing. I think that even though you're
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  Speaker 2: not going to be on the podcast long term, because
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  Speaker 2: Kylie'll be back next week, I think we're going to
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  Speaker 2: have to check in and see how it's going with
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  Speaker 2: the commute, and see you've just ended up moving in
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  Speaker 2: with Jones and Amanda.
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  Speaker 3: Then I'd love to.
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  Speaker 1: I think I believe they live in much bigger homes
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  Speaker 1: than the one I will be in.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, probably probably, which means I'll have all that space
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  Speaker 2: for you.
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  Speaker 1: Well, justin this was not a decision like a snap.
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  Speaker 1: This is what the whole family is going to do.
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  Speaker 1: This has been a process or of about eight weeks
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  Speaker 1: of micro conversation.
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  Speaker 3: So it just doesn't work, does it. I don't know.
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  Speaker 3: Maybe it does in some families.
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  Speaker 1: But for me to lay down the law, which I
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  Speaker 1: do try to occasionally in this situation though, that was
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  Speaker 1: never it had to be micro conversations.
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  Speaker 2: Well, we've done the same kind of thing with our family.
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  Speaker 2: We have been talking about how nice it would be
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  Speaker 2: to be near the coast, and we were actually over Christmas,
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  Speaker 2: had a break and spent a week near the coast
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  Speaker 2: on the on the beach, and as we drive home,
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  Speaker 2: I said to Kylie, if I found out some awful news,
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  Speaker 2: if I found out that I was going to pass
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  Speaker 2: away in the next week or month or year, the
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  Speaker 2: first thing I'd do is sell the house and move
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  Speaker 2: the coast. And we kind of sat in silence for
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  Speaker 2: a moment, and then I looked at her and I said,
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  Speaker 2: what are we doing? That's if this is If this
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  Speaker 2: is that important, what we what are we still doing
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  Speaker 2: where we are? And there's so much to love about
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  Speaker 2: where we are. It's not that we feel in any
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  Speaker 2: way like things are bad. We have everything, life is good.
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  Speaker 2: But that's what I would choose, if I could choose.
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  Speaker 2: And I realized to hang on, maybe maybe there is
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  Speaker 2: a choice here to be made. And then it was
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  Speaker 2: the same kind of thing. Let's explore this with the kids, Hey, kids,
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  Speaker 2: what do you think? How would it feel? What would
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  Speaker 2: we have to give up? What could we gain? What
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  Speaker 2: would work for you? And just those incidental conversations led
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  Speaker 2: to a big decision. Anyway, Kylie and I all share
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  Speaker 2: more about that in the next few weeks. Kate really
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  Speaker 2: looking forward to this week. Thank you for sharing so generously.
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  Speaker 1: It's going to be a great week ahead, and I'm
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  Speaker 1: looking forward to it and don't worry, Kylie, I expect
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  Speaker 1: you back next week tonight.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: Brand new webinar, one that I haven't presented before. It's
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: all about milestones, your growth guide. How we can know
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: where our kids should be and when and why, and
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: what to do if they're not their brains, their bodies,
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: and a whole lot more. This is a webinar that's
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: included in every Happy Famili's membership. If you're a Happy
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: Family's member, it's yours free tonight. You can get of
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: the details in the Happy Families app or online. If
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: you're not a Happy Family's member, become one today. This
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: every month we do a webinar and this is going
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: to be an absolute cracker to start the year. That's
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: your growth guide, all about your kids milestones. Tonight and tomorrow.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: In the Happy Families podcast, Kate is going to spill
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: the beans on what happens when you have a child
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: with COVID because Kate has lived that. How do you
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: deal with the isolation your world getting turned upside down?
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: Because let's face it, pretty much all of Australia is
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: going to have had COVID in the next couple of weeks.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: If you haven't had it already, we're going to get
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: the lowdown on that. The Happy Families podcast is produced
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: executive producer, and for more info on all the stuff
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: we've talked about, visit happy families dot com dot a