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The Difference Between Regulation and Numbness — And Why It Matters for Healers | Episode 16 · The Brain Dump

• 0:10
  Hey y'all, and welcome to the Brain Dump with me, Sandy Boone.
• 0:15
  Today's episode is about regulated, not numb, caring in a world that feels like it's on fire.
• 0:23
  Today I'm going to start with a question of or a few questions.
• 0:29
  What if your nervous system isn't fragile, it's just overwhelmed?
• 0:34
  What if you're not too sensitive?
• 0:37
  You're living in a time where the input never stops.
• 0:41
  The world feels really loud right now.
• 0:45
  We've got war, politics, climate disasters, economic strain, cultural fragmentation.
• 0:52
  And that's not even considering the things that we've got going on in our personal lives, right?
• 0:57
  So when someone says just regulate your nervous system, it can feel almost insulting.
• 1:04
  Today we're going to talk about the difference between regulation and numbness.
• 1:09
  The goal here isn't to stop caring, and it's not to stop advocating, and it's not about not showing up.
• 1:17
  The goal is to care without the collapse.
• 1:22
  So I want to start by saying your nervous system is responding to real stimuli.
• 1:28
  It's not malfunctioning, it's responding to real information.
• 1:34
  Humans evolved over time for localized danger.
• 1:38
  Let's go out, let's get dinner.
• 1:40
  And by going out and getting dinner, I mean hunting it, and then we're going to come back to our nice cave and we're going to sleep.
• 1:48
  We did not evolve for 24-7 global crisis exposure.
• 1:54
  Your nervous system is built for an acute threat.
• 1:57
  Mobilize, resolve it, complete it.
• 2:00
  And what we're living in now is chronic exposure without resolution.
• 2:06
  There's no completion.
• 2:08
  And often what we find ourselves in is chronic exposure and then more exposure and then more exposure.
• 2:16
  So I'd like to point out that activation is not the same as engagement.
• 2:21
  Activation feels like urgency, scanning, tightness, reactivity.
• 2:28
  Engagement feels like clarity, intentional action, and choice.
• 2:34
  Calm is not indifference, and regulation is not apathy.
• 2:39
  When we regulate, you can choose your response.
• 2:43
  Helpers feel this more.
• 2:46
  We absorb client trauma, societal grief, and systemic injustice.
• 2:51
  We have personal stresses and professional exposure and global instability and digital saturation.
• 3:00
  And now we have this stacked experience that becomes overwhelming really quickly.
• 3:08
  And again, we're not getting that completion.
• 3:12
  You cannot co-regulate the world.
• 3:15
  Your nervous system is not designed to metabolize the suffering of billions of people.
• 3:21
  When activation feels constant, and I think for all of us it does, the system will seek relief through shutdown, distraction, or detachment.
• 3:32
  We will find ourselves with a migraine headache that lasts for days.
• 3:38
  We will find ourselves totally absorbed in a book instead of doing the things we need to do that make our life easier to live.
• 3:50
  We will detach.
• 3:52
  We will pull back from those that we love.
• 3:55
  Numbness is not regulation, it is collapse.
• 4:00
  True regulation allows us to feel without flooding.
• 4:04
  And again, I think we'd all agree that we're pretty flooded right now.
• 4:09
  Containment means limiting news windows, avoiding crisis content before sleep, moving your body after heavy exposure, and distinguishing between what you can influence and what you cannot.
• 4:23
  What this looks like for me, and again, I am not perfect in this.
• 4:27
  It's just what I've realized.
• 4:29
  I have not slept well the last couple of nights.
• 4:31
  We've got a full moon, and so I suspect that plays into it.
• 4:37
  There's been a lot going on in the world for reference.
• 4:40
  By the time you listen to this podcast, you who knows where we'll be.
• 4:45
  But I found myself awake at four o'clock in the morning the night before last.
• 4:52
  And then last night, I found myself awake at 1:30.
• 4:57
  And so last night I was like, I have got to get sleep.
• 5:01
  You know, I was feeling the dysregulation.
• 5:04
  I was feeling the fatigue.
• 5:06
  I was feeling the disconnection.
• 5:08
  I had very much detached from my husband.
• 5:12
  I had detached from my family.
• 5:15
  My body was screaming for rest.
• 5:19
  And so last night I decided to add a supplement that would provide some cortisol support.
• 5:26
  And I also decided to listen to bilateral music last night.
• 5:31
  And like before you come at me with EMFs and exposure to the things, it was a means to an end.
• 5:37
  So I put in some biurnal music last night, and I listened to that all night long.
• 5:48
  What did that look like?
• 5:49
  It woke up with it looked like me waking up feeling refreshed today.
• 5:55
  I have gotten sleep.
• 5:57
  I am rested.
• 5:58
  I was ready to take on the day.
• 6:00
  And so trying to figure out what that looks like and what that looks like for you, we have to find those things.
• 6:10
  We also have to know that what we do doesn't always work.
• 6:15
  So I certainly have things in place that support me on the daily basis, but I needed a little extra.
• 6:23
  And I had a plan for something else.
• 6:25
  I am going to drop the links of what I added to my routine last night so that you can try it out and see if it works.
• 6:35
  I did a cortisol support that had some mushrooms in it from Charlotte's web.
• 6:40
  I did a the music, I can share the Spotify list with you so that you've got that.
• 6:45
  And I can share with you the headphones that I use when I choose to listen to music at night while I sleep.
• 6:52
  After consuming something activating, stand up, orient to your space, move, complete the stress cycle, limit that news that you're consuming.
• 7:04
  I get an email every day from something called 1440.
• 7:08
  It gives me a one-line blurb about what's happening in the world so that I'm able to contain my response when clients are sitting in front of me.
• 7:16
  I'll share that in the links as well.
• 7:19
  You know, if it's not actionable right now, you do not need to metabolize in this moment.
• 7:25
  So it really doesn't matter at the end of the day if you're metabolizing it in the morning or if you're metabolizing it in the evening.
• 7:33
  If it doesn't require action, it doesn't have to be done right now.
• 7:37
  So work with time frames on things.
• 7:40
  Again, the goal is not to calm down so you stop caring.
• 7:44
  That's that's not who you are as a healer.
• 7:47
  The goal is to increase the capacity so that you can stay engaged longer.
• 7:52
  Regulation allows you to care longer.
• 7:56
  A regulated nervous system is sustainable.
• 7:59
  And how do we get that regulated nervous system?
• 8:02
  Sometimes it's very practical things, like I said, listening to music while you sleep.
• 8:07
  Sometimes it's devices such as the alpha stem.
• 8:11
  Sometimes it's engaging in neurofeedback.
• 8:14
  This can look a lot of different ways.
• 8:16
  And it's really important that you find what works for you and not the unicorn and skittle self-care.
• 8:23
  In closing, what have you been trying to metabolize that was never yours to carry alone?
• 8:29
  Even when we don't like people, the human body and brain are built for connection.
• 8:37
  Where are you consuming input without completion?
• 8:40
  What would it look like to care deeply without living in chronic activation?
• 8:47
  You are not weak for feeling overwhelmed.
• 8:49
  You are human.
• 8:51
  Regulation is about staying steady enough to remain present.
• 8:56
  You have to figure out how regulation works in your nervous system.
• 9:00
  Thanks for listening to the Braindump.
• 9:02
  I'm glad you're here, and I hope this was helpful for you.
• 9:05
  I'll see you next time.