Latest / Alive, I Guess Podcast / Episode 42 - Love Be Happenin

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Episode 42 - Love Be Happenin · Alive, I Guess Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm live like it.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a live like it.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'ma live like it.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'ma live like it.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me about it.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: What's good, y'all?
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to your safe space.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, RJ, and this is the Alive I Guess Podcast.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: If you're new here, welcome.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you for joining.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've been here, welcome back.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you as always.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure y'all are following us on social media at Alive I Guess Podcast.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: For all inquiries, email us at alive I guess podcast at gmail.com.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: And for I say this with love submissions, visit tinyurl.com slash AIGP advice.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Today we are going to be discussing love.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: I know there are different forms of love: romantic love, platonic love, self-love, and I have had the wonderful experience of experiencing all of them.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: I have a wife who I am in love with, friends that I love deeply.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And what has come later on in life is a self-love, and all of those things kind of work in tandem with one another.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And we will get into all of that in just a second.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because before we do, you already know we gotta do a moment of gratitude.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're listening today, say something out loud that you are grateful for.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're watching, drop something below in the comments.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Today, I am so grateful I learned how to ask for help.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: I could do bad all by myself, was the way in which I used to live.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: I used to think I could take on all the world's problems, nothing was too big, anything that's going on, I could figure it out.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need to lean on community.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Community can lean on me, but like in terms of asking for help, even when I know I need it, I was not doing that.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And there's really no reason to not do it.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: It makes your life much more difficult, it makes going through things a lot more intense.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the fact that I do ask for help now is something that I never would have seen coming ever.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I am definitely grateful that I learned to ask for help.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: But all right, let's get into it.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Cause love be happening.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was saying, love can show up in many different ways.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can have romantic love, you can have platonic love, you can have love for your family, you can have self-love, and I'm sure there are other different types of love.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: This episode will move through all the forms of love, specifically the ones I just touched on, because all of those different types of love show up in my life today and really demonstrate my character and who I am.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm such a lover.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a Pisces, and I don't know if I could completely just chalk that up to being a Pisces.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I am just a person who loves very deeply, and I don't just give my love out.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: There was a time where I thought I had to love everybody and hold on to everybody and treat everybody equally, but I've come to learn that's just not feasible and it's not healthy, those attachments, and not everybody deserves my love, let alone my like.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're somebody who I love, that is like not to like toot my own horn, but like truly an honor because the intensity of which I love, you know, you have me in your corner forever.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: I know Pisces get this like bad rap of being too emotional and like kind of like falling head over heels really quickly, but I don't think loving deeply is like small or soft or like crazy, you know, like to love deeply means that you have to love yourself deeply.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: You can't love outwardly if you don't love inwardly.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought the ways in which I loved in the past was love, but growing into this version of myself and maturing and learning to love myself shows that that was not love.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: That was just unhealthy attachments, fear, anxiety.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: This deep love that I have today is sustainable, it's not just intense, but it wasn't always that way.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: I had to learn to love like this.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Growing up, I understood love to mean taking care of someone, whether that's through your actions or like really like making sure a person's needs are met.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: I had grandparents who were more affectionate in their own way, but even that, like, it wasn't super intense.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like my understanding of love was making sure you were fed, you were clothed, you had the things that you needed, and I am showing you the ways in which I want you to thrive, but I'm not showing like affection.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's not a lot of hugs, there's not a lot of moments of I don't want to say nurturing, but I remember more like structure than nurture.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Or on the other side, it's like the things that I can get you, the things that I can buy for you, the experiences I can provide for you is a way in which you show love.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And as a result, I grew up demonstrating my love in those ways.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't very affectionate, I wasn't someone who understood like intimacy, not even just like sexually, like being intimate, hugging, like spending time love languages aside from acts of service.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was a very much so like external love person, lover.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: But the crazy thing is, it's not that I didn't want these things as a person.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like I am a person who loves hugs, I love affection, but I guess maybe that wasn't something I was showing.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I always welcomed it, and I recognized that I wasn't showing it because I wasn't receiving it.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, if nobody is showing me these things, I must be showing to them that I don't want it.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Even though I know I want it, I welcome a hug.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't dap me up.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like give me a hug.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: I like hugs, but obviously that's not what I was demonstrating to the world.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I really had to like reflect and understand why it was I was acting in this way or why people were treating me this way, which made me look at why I was acting the way I was or what I was showing to people.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it took me several years to unlearn that version of love, that transactional version of love, and learn how to love unconditionally.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't that I was loving people conditionally, I was showing people love conditionally, like I only had certain ways in which I could show it, and that really came to my awareness in my marriage.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have children to show me like my weak points, so to speak, but like my wife is a very affectionate, intimate person, and it took a few years for me to understand like what the block was, and I realized, even though like it makes sense logically, like, oh, that makes sense, like demonstrating that, living in that was a whole other thing because that's not my go-to, you know.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm taking care of home.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Home is taken care of, she is getting gifts, she is getting trips, she is getting experiences, she is like feeling my love through these acts of service.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: But when it comes to like the affection, it's really hard for me to tap into.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so, like through conversations with her, through unlearning things within myself and like connecting the dots of why I am this way, it became very clear why I show showed love that way, but also why I understood love to be that way.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Cause to me, I'm like, girl, I love you.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not showing you in all these things, and not to say she never thought I didn't love her, but it was just like I don't understand where the gap is.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm I'm doing a lot, but that wasn't her way of receiving love, which is another thing you have to consider when you are loving a person or loving family.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, not everyone's love language is the same.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: The way people receive love and understand love, people are speaking different languages in this love game.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: So it can be a really like tricky line to walk, and it takes a lot of like intentionality and awareness to even understand that sometimes the way you're showing love is not the person, or not the way the person that you're with is receiving love, and that's how you can run into those like roadblocks in relationships or in friendships.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you might think you're showing up in one way, and the person who's receiving it doesn't have that perspective because to them, it's like if you love me, you'd show up in this way or you do this thing, so it gets a little messy when we talk about love languages.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard enough getting by, especially as a parent.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: I understand how someone can just fall into providing and thinking that's enough of showing love because that already takes so much energy.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like taking care of a person today is a lot, and it's only getting harder.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I can understand how parents fall short of showing affection to their kids, spending quality time.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, one, who has the time, two, who has the energy?
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: We are working hard out here.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm tired.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you gotta come home and take care of kids, and then on the weekend you gotta go to games, spend time with like I I can see how that happens.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel like there's a lot of people, a lot of generations who were just trying to survive, and so all they could do, if they could do, was provide.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: So they're thinking that I love you because I'm going through all this to provide for you, and so love equaled providing.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: I get it, but being the person who grew up and understood that to be love, and understanding the shortcomings of that, like I don't fault anyone and I don't blame anyone, but you know, as I said before, as an adult, it is your job to fix these things.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm trying to work on things before I have a kid.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm not gonna get it all right, but I know that is like something that I really want to get down because I want to love my child, my children every way I can.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like affection, quality, time, providing, keeping them safe.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: I want to make them amazing humans in the world who love other people and care about all people.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I know I have some work to do, and I know I'm not gonna get it all right before they get here.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: But realizing that, I'm like, okay, yeah, I gotta work on that before I bring any little ones into the mix.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: I noticed like providing and taking care of responsibilities and only showing love through action wasn't the same as being affectionate and being present.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: In the early part of my marriage, I was someone who was very much so like provide.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, I did spend time with my wife, and yes, I was affectionate with my wife, but still, like my core understanding of love was provide and like do and give.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't necessarily like affection.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: I enjoy spending time with my wife, so I did.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't hard, but that wasn't like my understanding of what love could be.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like I always had this one idea of what love was, and it was very detached from emotion and affection.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I went through a period of actively trying to be more affectionate and express my emotional side more in my love without necessarily abandoning like the action base, because that is still the way in which I do show love, and I just one didn't want to just throw that out.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I really turned my attention on like both, you know, but more so like showing affection, spending the time, like building like intimate practice practices instead of just like the physical, what I can give you, what I can do for you type of love.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it was not a quick fix, it took a few years before it really started to set in.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so interesting because I was so like focused on doing things that weren't just action-based and like showing my love in other ways, that the love languages that we receive and the love languages that we show, my wife and I, changed because I started to show up more affectionate and really shift gears this direction that I got this down.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh, now there's this other area we need to work on.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: So that kind of like shone a light on being open in the ways in which we love, and that goes for family too.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I know family can get murky in the ways we show love because there's a lot of like entitlement sometimes, or there's like trauma and just other things that other components that go into it.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: But the same way in which we love other people, we love our friends, we love platonic people, we love our children, is the same way we can love our family.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like the idea kind of spreads across all different types of relationships.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's more than one way to love a person, and it's not necessarily always going to be like a one size fits all, because some people don't receive love the same way that you are showing it.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to learn to get flexible in the ways in which I show love depending on who I'm talking about.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: And because I love my friends so deeply and I love my family so deeply, it wasn't hard for me to learn the ways in which they want to be loved or that they at least receive love.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can show up for that person in that way because I love them so much.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: And through doing that, I learned that this is very common.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people love in one fixed way because we thought that was the way that love worked.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: As we're growing up, as we're children, as we're absorbing different ways of how to be human in the world and how to interact and how to grow and become our own person, like we're only taking in what's around us.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if what's around us is showing us one way, we're gonna think that's the only way to do things.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: But that's why I said as you get older and become an adult and you have the awareness that, hey, like they did the best they could raising you, it's your job to like expand upon that, correct things that maybe not be working in these times.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I say, like, now is the time to do your part and learn how to correct, fix, grow these different areas and the ways in which we love is a big one.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're going to love in life, if you're fortunate, you're gonna love somebody, whether that be a friend, whether that be a partner, whether that be a pet, it doesn't matter.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like eventually you were going to find somebody that you love.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: The main thing that stuck out for me as I'm understanding this aspect that love can look different than what I learned it to be, and connecting the fact that like affection to me didn't mean love, it just meant doing for others.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: I recognized and I realized that I wasn't loving myself.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a hard lover, a deep lover, but I didn't have that same deep love and care for me.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so I had to do a lot of work to grow the self-love, self-love within.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: I was so good at taking care of other people, showing up for other people, doing everything in my power to make other people feel great.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: I did not know how to turn that inward, I did not know how to love myself.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: It took me 30 plus years of living before I can honestly say I loved myself.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: Probably 31 years, if I'm being honest.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I didn't know how to do that because I always provide for me, like I make sure I'm taking care of business, like that just came natural.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: So, without that, what is left for me?
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what else do I have to provide for me?
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't talking to myself nicely, I wasn't treating myself nicely, I wasn't doing things for myself.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: It was always tied to doing things for other people, like I didn't have self-care practices, like I really didn't know how to love myself.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: And once I started to understand that and develop that self-love, I was able to see clearer ways in which I could love outwardly because I understood what it feels like to be cared for past the external, past the physical, past, anything like tangible, like how I can show up, how I can care, how I can provide emotional support and a safe space for myself.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: It was easy to do for other people and not be worried about like the things I can actually do physically for people.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: So getting that self-love together was like a must before I could elevate my expression of love for anybody else, family, friends, relationships included.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: We will dive into marriage and my marriage with my wife on another episode.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: But we've been together about 10 years.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: I can say the first five and the second five, the ways I showed my love are two completely different ways.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Both were okay, both were great, both have room for improvement, but this was definitely more like you could measure this love in items and experiences, and this one you could measure more in quality time, in love.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just so wild to see like the stark difference of the two because as I'm learning and changing and understanding, like the ways I show up are different, and also if you look at the first half, first five years of RJ, and the second five years of RJ, two different RJs, let me tell you, like, first half RJ didn't love themselves at all.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: Second half RJ didn't always love themselves, but today, the last couple years, oh, love RJ deeply.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: Bad.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because that self-love has a direct correlation with the outward love, the romantic love you give, the love you give to your platonic relationships.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't love you, you can't love them.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: How you gonna win if you ain't right with them, baby?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: You can't love nobody if you don't love yourself.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to think of what song said that.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure there's hundreds of songs that say that, but like you really have to love yourself in order to love other people.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because self love shapes and builds the capacity that you can love outwardly to other people and to make it sustainable.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because you gotta have the capacity within yourself, loving yourself, to provide other love to other people.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: So they're definitely going hand in hand.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that there has been an impact with my self-love on my relationships.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: Cause I look at my friendships.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: The friends in my life, and I use friends loosely because these are technically people who are not related to me, but the friends in my life are more, I promise you, like family.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like these are people who I can't imagine life without.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like I will show up, have shown up in the drop of a hat for people.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have seen these people bring life to the world.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: I have laughed with these people, cried with these people.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: I've grown with these people.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: We've shared very intimate, private stories of our life and traumas and past history and past experiences, like really gotten vulnerable with these people.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: I can't just do that with everybody.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: So my love is very sacred.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: Very, very sacred.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: I do not just give it out.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: I used to just give out what I thought love was to other people because I wanted to receive the love back, but now I love myself and I don't need external validation to love myself.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not seeking love from strangers, from people who I really don't care about.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: So when I do give that love, it runs deep and it runs like beyond this generation.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: It runs with their kids, it runs with their parents, it runs with their siblings.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like it is a rich, fulfilling love that I have for my friends.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Again, friends, because these are really like family members.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: Truly, they're like chosen family, honestly.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it runs so deep.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I feel the love is richer and fuller with chosen family than like some family members, because these are people like I chose, like they chose me, and I chose them.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: Family, you just born into the family.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like people don't necessarily have to like you, y'all just family.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: But like you're choosing to be in somebody's life, you're choosing to bring life into the world.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like when you're a parent, like I feel like it's the same kind of thing.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I chose to have you in my life, so the way I'm going to love you is deeper than any other love that I've ever had in the world.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: And that goes for relationships that are romantic as well.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: But like when you are choosing the family, like you are choosing to love somebody.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: And because I love deeply, I'm choosing a deep love for my chosen family.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I really feel like it was important to touch on all types of love.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because usually when we think love, we think romantic.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not the only form of love.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to be in love with a person to love a person.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: And just because you love a person don't mean you're in love with a person.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: So it's important to me that I shine a light on all the types of love that I experience because I've been very fortunate and blessed to experience many different forms of love throughout my life.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope and pray I get to experience many more with other people throughout this journey of life.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: What I know about love today, you can't say you love somebody if you can't say you love yourself and truly, I mean, truly love yourself, like demonstrating love to yourself.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: I like to think in moments where I might misstep or go to old practices and attitudes and thought patterns about myself.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if somebody else did this to someone that you love, how would you react?
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: And if it's always like a negative response, then I know I'm not treating myself the way I need to be.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I check it immediately.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's no way you can love someone if you aren't loving you, like you don't have the capacity.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: So to love others is to love yourself, and I know that to be true.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: I would have never even had that argument 10 years ago.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, to me, back then, to love was to put yourself aside and show up for those you love, like no matter what.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, really just like neglect yourself, your needs, your boundaries, everything for the sake of other people because you love them.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: That is not how I feel today.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: The only time I can kind of agree with that is with kids, your children.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: But even with that, I feel like there are ways in which we have to change and shift that can make it so that you still honor yourself and love your child.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't think having love for another person should supersede the love that you have for yourself.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I really don't.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you don't love yourself, you don't take care of yourself, and you aren't here tomorrow, you don't have to worry about loving nobody.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: You're gone.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: So it always has to start within.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: I also learned that love is forever changing.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: The ways in which we can love, the ways in which we can receive love changes.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: We grow, we change.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: Everything around us changes.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: So love is one of those things that can also change along with everything else.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just the stuck way of being and receiving, like it can expand along with you.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: I am so grateful to love and to be loved.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: I know we just had an episode on grief, and I was saying how to love is to experience pain because you know nobody lasts forever.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: But I am grateful to love, have those around me who I love deeply have those people love me back just as deep.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's not a guarantee that you get to experience loves this deep, or you have people who are willing to love you that deeply or deserving of your love.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I have been honored with having many people in my life that I love this way, and I will continue to grow that love even deeper and expand it to other people and continue to expand my love in general, and I'm so excited because two things are constant in life that's change and change, and I'm gonna continue to change my love with it without neglecting the love for myself.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking of love, it is time for I Say This With Love.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: As a reminder, visit the tiny URL link, submit your information there for a chance to have your story and your advice read during one of these episodes.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: I've been sleeping with my best friend's ex for like three months now, and she has no idea.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: He keeps saying it's over between them, and I want to believe him, but I still catch myself checking her page before I text him.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not even guilt, not really.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's more like I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I also don't want to stop.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what is wrong with me?
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: I say this with love that is trifling.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's your best friend, and that's her ex.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm sure she shared a lot of details about their relationship together, and you are actively sleeping with this man behind her back, and you're keeping it a secret from her.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: That and you don't want to lose her as a friend, but she already lost you as a friend because real friends wouldn't do nothing like that.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now, look, I get certain people have certain arrangements.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe if you would have talked to your friend, she might have been cool with it.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: I still think that's weird.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: But as a person who had an ex-best friend, get with my ex is now marrying, if not married to that ex.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: We were not friends after that.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: She could go to hell after that.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know in what world you think this all works out in your favor.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's not okay.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you're looking for advice.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you gonna do what you gonna do, but like I can't side with you on this, like, this is not right.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: Your best friend now.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: Look, I have done some things in my life, but not to my best friend.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: That is girl, you know, good luck, cuz I believe in karma, and uh you put yourself in a very karmically charged situation.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: I wish you well.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: I hope it was worth it.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: All right, well, that is all for today's episode.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_00: As a reminder, make sure y'all are following us on social media, emailing us for all inquiries, and visiting that tiny URL link for all I say this with love submissions.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: And make sure y'all tune in next week.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: We have a very exciting episode.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is going to be, hands down, my favorite episode.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: I already know.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I think if y'all show up next week and you take a look, you'll see why.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: Just trust me.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: But I appreciate y'all, and as always, I'm RJ.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Alive I Guess podcast, and I'll see y'all same time next week.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm alive I guess.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a live I guess I guess, I'm alive I guess, and okay, I'm a live I guess.