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When Trauma Rewrites Tomorrow | Direction — The 8th Silent War | Faust Ruggiero · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: What happens when you survive the trauma but lose your sense of where life is going?
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: Trauma doesn't always change how you remember the past.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: It can change how safe the present feels and how possible the future seems.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: You start second-guessing decisions, you overthink, you avoid, you stay busy.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes you stop imagining how much of a future you have at all.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: So direction can't just be about setting another goal.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it starts with understanding what's happening inside you well enough to make the next choice from something other than fear.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Today's conversation is about direction, the eighth silent war, and how understanding internal language, trust, and practical action can help someone move from surviving toward actually moving forward.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Michael is a dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles, procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Phosphor Zero is a therapist whose professional career spans more than 40 years.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: He has spent decades counseling veterans, first responders, trauma survivors, families, and individuals facing complex mental health challenges.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: Fuss developed the process way of life, a system built around 52 internal human processes.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm super excited to get into that.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: He's the creator of Fix Yourself Empowerment series covering anxiety, depression, anger, addiction, internal language, and PTSD.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: His newest book, The Fix Your PTSD.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: Say that again.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: PTSD handbook offers a practical roadmap for understanding trauma and moving toward recovery.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: Boss, welcome to your thoughts here reality.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_03: Mike, it's a pleasure to be spending time with you.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks so much for inviting me.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate it.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: I just love the conversation off the air.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: Can't wait for this one.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: So so if you will, tell us a little more about yourself.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you said a lot of it.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I'm a therapist.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_03: I've been in uh private practice for 45 years.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_03: 35 of those I have spent working with veterans and first responders.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm still counseling today, writing and doing all this stuff that we do to promote and and and hopefully to expand the program and expand the awareness for veterans' needs and what we can do to help change that landscape.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely love that.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: And it was so important, right?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like we were talking about before we before we got started here.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's just it's fantastic, the conditioning going in, and however, it's lacking severely on the way out.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: So, and I know the VA is doing what they can do, but I think it's super important that we're out here doing the work we're doing.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: So, so you said your work with PTSD began early in your career with a Vietnam POW who was living with severe trauma.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: What did that experience teach you in the beginning about the difference between surviving something and actually finding a direction for life afterwards?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think that's one of the main key points, you know, for veterans getting out of service.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, I I you know, I remember you know my first the first time I had a veteran come in and say, hey, I'm stuck.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_03: I'm you know, I I don't think I don't think I'm gonna make it.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_03: I'm thinking of just pending it all.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_03: And uh he was uh a veteran of the Vietnam War, who was a POW in the jungles, and you know, they would march them during the day and hang them upside down and beat them at night.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_03: And so he came back as a person, stripped down as a human, basically, to become a soldier and then a POW.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: And the first thing I learned was you better listen to these people as they're talking.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I didn't have that experience.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_03: So the first thing you do is you I I like to build trust with all my people, but particularly with veterans, and and what what that really means is not asking them the dumb questions like what was it like, that kind of thing, and get into forming that trust bond.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_03: And why when I did that, then it opened it up.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_03: And I then answer your question, what do you what does it teach you?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_03: What does it learn?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: It teaches you that in these situations, you are going to listen, humble yourself, and willing to really commit to helping these people.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_03: Veterans will quickly, quickly size you up and say, okay, can you understand me?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_03: Are you going to be there when I need you?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_03: Is this going to be something that where I pop in once a week and then you say see at the end of the session, or are you going to be there for me when I need you?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_03: What if I call you tomorrow?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, it's yes on all those things.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_03: You're gonna if you're gonna counsel veterans, it's not a once-a-week thing, and I'll see you.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_03: You are involved in their program 24-7, and that's what I've done.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely love that.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: So, and I agree.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: Again, 100%.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when when there's trust, it changes the game.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: And when, you know, for for veterans, and then once once there's trust with one, there's trust with many, right?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I I love what you're doing.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: And again, we talked off-air here before we started.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's so so important to have you know people that they can go to.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: So again, thank you for what you're doing out there.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_03: But you know, again, for me, I love what I do.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_03: I'm one of those guys that you know, you know, where you say, uh, how's work?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: And I say, I don't work.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, you know, I'm the guy that walked in every day, and you know, I don't need a vacation from it.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_03: I don't need any of that stuff.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_03: I love it.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, but here I am, you know, after all over four and a half decades, and I'm still doing it, not because I have to, because I love doing it.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_03: So if you're gonna if you're gonna do this, the first thing is, is this a job to you or is it a calling?
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_03: For me, it's a call.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_03: I answer, I answer the call.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_03: That that's really all there is to it.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: I I love that.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's funny because you know, we have the podcast and we have the training company and so on as well.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I I still can't call it work.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's not, you know, it's it's a calling, so it's it's a actually a purpose pulling me forward, not pushing me, you know, which which I I love how you said that.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, when you started, again, I'm already going off questions, just curiosity.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: So when you when you started, how long was it before you realized, hey, this is a real problem out there, and I want to be involved in it?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, quickly.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_03: This as I said, the first person came from the Vietnam War, and that's very different.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_03: The climate was very different.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_03: Excuse me, when I uh when I started this, when uh when veterans came out of the Vietnam War, we're talking basically uh the early 70s.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I mean, there were marches against them, there were there were uh the the feeling about them was almost that like they were traitors.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_03: It was a horrible experience, you know, and my heart really went out to them.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_03: And a lot of them were and a lot of my friends were were in that war, you know.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I was just in high school, and I remember there was a draft where you know you didn't get to sign up.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_03: They they wanted you, they were drafting, and they had a lottery, and you know, my number was way down toward the end, so I wasn't going to get drafted, and and it ended right around the time I came out of high school.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_03: So there was no button calling.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_03: However, my friends were coming back and they were addicted and they were suicidal and they were lost, and they were just looking for a place to to to fit in.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_03: No one was allowing it, and so they were fitting into places that weren't healthy, uh, just to have a place to go.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_03: And that's what I saw.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_03: I said, Oh man, these people are just they're coming out, and it's like they said, see you around.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks, thanks for your service, but see, you gotta go.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_03: Uh and that's the first thing I noticed.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, you want to talk about filling a niche.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_03: It was okay, thanks for your service.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_03: That's great.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_03: But I never and I never say that to a veteran.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_03: I don't say thank you for your service.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not comfortable with it.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no, they don't like it.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_03: I say, What can I do?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_03: I'm here.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_03: What can I do for you?
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_03: You've done a lot for us.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: What can I do for you?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_03: That changes the conversation completely.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I always do this analogy.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_03: I say, when you tell a veteran, hey, thanks for your service, it's like walking into a funeral parlor and telling the person standing next to the coffin, I'm sorry for your loss.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_03: Then you walk away.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_03: That's all garbage.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_03: When you walk in and say, Hey, I'm here for you when this is all said and done, call me.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_03: That's a whole different story.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_03: Are you ready to commit?
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_03: Are you gonna get your hands dirty and are you gonna stay there?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_03: That's the bottom line.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I absolutely love that.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, my father, there's a reason why I'm doing what I'm doing, uh, was three tour of Vietnam Special Forces.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: And until a year before he passed, he struggled.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, night terror, you name it, VA said there was you're not no problem, you don't have any problem.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: You're just addicted to drugs and alcohol and this and that, and never got help until the year before he passed.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: And the beautiful thing was, as soon as they saw him, his whole life changed.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: And he had an amazing last year, if you will.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I I'm right there with you.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: There's just not that help.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: And again, thank goodness there's people like you that are out there.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: So, so again, thank you.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: What what would you say?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: Let's start with this.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: Define PTSD for me, for for you know, normal layman layman terms, if you will.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_03: The best way to look at that is PTSD almost always follows trauma.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, right.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_03: And for some people, they can be in a traumatic situation and it'll affect them and they'll you know react emotionally, it'll hurt them, whatever.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_03: But then as time goes on, that kind of moves out of their life.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_03: They can, as we like to say, reset.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_03: People who have PTSD aren't resetting from the trauma from the traumatic episode.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_03: It moves forward with them, they relive it.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_03: You said nightmares, daymares for that matter, isolation, feelings of worthlessness.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_03: They relive that episode or thing or items like that over and over again.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_03: They get hyper-reactive.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_03: Anything can can just set them off.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_03: They they'll turn to ways to make it all go away, if you will, substance abuse, whatever it may be.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: But the key is they cannot process through the event and it's based on so and I know this, but I want I want you to, and maybe I'll you'll I'll learn something too, I'm sure I will from you.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: So, why does it get stuck?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: Why doesn't it just process like you know, something else that it we wouldn't necessarily label trauma?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, and this is for everybody, right?
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: This isn't just for veterans and first responders.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody has trauma, I would say, in their life at some point, right?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: So why does it get stuck and why does it turn into PTSD, if you will?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_03: There's two things to look at.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_03: One is the the intensity of the trauma.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_03: If it's really intense, it's harder to process.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_03: But the the second piece is our own neurology, if you will.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: Am I a person who typically doesn't let go of things right away?
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you and I are out, we're or we're you know, we're we're having a nice time, and you say something to me that I find offensive and you know critical, and I may say something back, but then I replay it over and over again, and I'm not getting over this.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_03: And uh you and I now have a bit of a different relationship because I can't stop thinking about this.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_03: Some people are set up like that, you know, where it's not just a trauma, it's not just PTSD, it's in their life when things happen, even good things, they keep replaying them.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_03: They'll play good things, neutral things, bad things.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_03: They will replay in their minds.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_03: And a lot of times people think, well, that's a good thing.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_03: I'm working through it, but it doesn't stop.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_03: You should get to a point where you say, Okay, I replayed that.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_03: I I got closure on it, or I got to some type of solution.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_03: Now I can move on, and my life goes on.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_03: This particular type of an episode stays with you.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_03: Not only does it replay, it attaches itself to just about everything else in your life.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_03: So quality of life goes way down, and and you just can't get over that the horror of whatever you're dealing with.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and a lot of it, if from my perspective and and my training, is it's really the definition we give it.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: Because people can have a trauma and they give it, you know, the horrible definition and can't let it go, or they give it another definition more of a positive way.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes that's more difficult until you kind of work through the process.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: But when you change that definition of what happened to you, hey, I survived that, I'm stronger because of it, or something like that.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: It changes the game.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it can.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, with severe PTSD, they will have tried that.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_03: And they're saying, Why can't I let this go?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_03: I've done all these things.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_03: They may they may have even gone to counseling, or or you know, more often than not, they're they're they're discussing it with other veterans, but that's really just spenting and getting and I getting that identification you need.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_03: When you get to the point that you're involved with someone who knows what they're doing and can get you through it, can provide therapeutic approaches that help and is there for you, and you don't feel alone, stuck in this.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_03: That's a key.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_03: I don't feel alone in this anymore.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_03: Someone is getting it, and even if they don't get it right away, they're tuned into me.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_03: So step by step, I can continue to provide them with information about myself.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of times I get veterans in and we go through the event and we're working through the PTSD, but really what uh happened is and they'll say, someone finally said, Slow down.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not going anywhere.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_03: I'm here.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_03: This is real.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_03: You and I are gonna go through this together, you're not alone anymore, and I got your back.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_03: That's really what a veteran wants to hear, and then most importantly, believe.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, when you get that, now you have a working relationship and you can get through all these traumatic episodes and the PTSD that follows.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_03: And I should back up a little bit.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_03: PTSD, post-traumatic stress syndrome.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_03: Again, what we're talking about is after the traumatic event, the post-traumatic stress, post-traumatic meaning doesn't leave me.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: Whatever that's that trauma produced, that's what's staying with me.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_03: And now I'm reliving things.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: And and I, you know, what what you said brings so true.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, once you know someone's there for you, and let's go back to my dad, just because it's it's easy.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: Once he knew he was seen, it changed the game.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so I I love that you said that.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: I want to dive into your book, you know, the and thank you again for sending me a copy.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's fantastic.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: I love the book.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: So the Fix Your PTSD handbook.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me a little bit about you know what people can expect the book to do for them when they're when they're committed and actually doing the stuff in.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, like what I wanted people to do to get out of the book was first of all to get a really good working relationship of what trauma is.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_03: That's where it starts.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, trauma could be that explosive episode, yeah, you know, the the horrible car wreck, the the what happens in war.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_03: It could be something like that, or it can be more subtle.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm being verbally and physically abused in my house as a kid, and I grew up, and then I got bullied, and then I got into a relationship and it took off, and that was happening again.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_03: That's a more what we call complex trauma.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it could be something explosive, something that's been there for a long time.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_03: It could be multiple traumas that were never addressed.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_03: Now we can't let go of those.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_03: It moves into PTSD.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_03: I wanted them to understand the stages of PTSD, how it develops, how it takes hold of you, and and and uh and what it does to your life.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_03: And then I wanted to provide a roadmap.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, this is how what you do to start getting help, and and understand it's going to be individualized for you.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, that's the other thing.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_03: There is no such thing as some type of canned approach, some template that we use to treat veterans and first responders through PTSD.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_03: It is an individual program.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_03: You come in, you tell me what's on your mind, and we treat we get all your information.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_03: We together we put a plan for you to move forward step by step at your pace, and we get there.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_03: And if it takes a year to get you through it, great.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_03: If it takes two or three, I have veterans that I've had five years uh that are still with me, you know, because we we kind of cleaned up all the other the war-related stuff, then it went into relationships and addiction and lost employment and all that all the socialization process.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, we we want to clean it up from A to Z.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_03: So I wanted to provide a roadmap for them to do that.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm real practical, like in my life and in the way I do things, there's action steps in every single chapter.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_03: Here's the information.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_03: Now do these things, and they're small increments, everyone can do them.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_03: Then you get to the roadmap at the end, and now the the uh the work is you know, the action steps are a little bit more comprehensive.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_03: But what it's designed to do is be that starter block.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, read this.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, now I know what I have to do to get it started.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_03: That's what I wanted.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that's beyond important, right?
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: And it is you've assassinated complexity with it, right?
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: You made it simple because if it's not, people won't do it, right?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_03: They'll stop.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_03: They can't do it.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's impossible.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: You know, the the key to working with PTSD, almost any any situation, but it's it's step-by-step incremental growth.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_03: We get you through this piece.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_03: Example, uh, you know, people are gonna come in the office and they're gonna say, okay, he's gonna start asking me about what I did in the ward.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_03: No, I'm not.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_03: When you come in the office, you and I are gonna forge a relationship.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna talk about what you need, we're gonna talk about how I'm gonna supply it for you.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna talk about our relationship and what you need from me and what I need from you in that relationship.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_03: And we're gonna get a rapport which which has some trust in it, some loving trust.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_03: So you can say, Yeah, I want to go back there the second time.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna move from that point.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: And when you're ready, usually it's three or four sessions in, you're gonna start talking about your trauma.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_03: And that's just fine with me.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna go at your pace.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: I have it just, you know, it doesn't make any difference to me if we go slow or go fast.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_03: I want to keep you safe, and that's one of the I want that environment to be safe.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_03: I want to make sure we're gonna cross all the T's the I's, and if we need to get doctors and we need to get other people, financial people, legal people, whatever it in the picture for you, we're gonna put a comp, we're gonna wrap a program around you and get you in and get you uh started in something that's gonna make some sense for you.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: Love it, love it.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: So a lot of veterans don't realize they have PTSD.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: I hear it all the time, you know.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: They didn't know until all of a sudden it was catastrophic in a sense, you know.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: Give me some thoughts for someone listening that, and I'm not looking to put it in their head they have it, okay, first of all, but for someone that does, give me some some thoughts of how they can recognize it.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you you the first one you you said it, dad was having nightmares about this, couldn't let go, night uh night terrors.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_03: How are my relationships?
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_03: How do when I when I'm in the world here, I'm I'm out, I'm in, I'm not in in service anymore.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_03: Do I fit in?
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_03: Do I know do I feel good about where I'm going?
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_03: Do I feel comfortable in my job?
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_03: Do is my relationship with my spouse?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_03: That's primary.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_03: Do do I have is that uh in force?
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_03: My kids am I isolating is substance abuse in the in the picture?
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_03: It's not always a lot of veterans will put that traumatic episode aside because it's so painful.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_03: You know, the second person that came in, second veteran.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, you want to talk about baptism by fire, was someone who came out of the, I think it was the War of Perusia, and he they were uh on a uh uh an op and and they came to a cabin kind of a thing.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_03: And and a lot of times in in in these countries, civilians are are part of the whole war game, and kids are involved in that.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_03: So there was a shack where there was a radio program station there, and they were you know sending up signals to uh the the people at the the the other side, and he threw a grenade in.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_03: It explodes.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_03: He walks in, and it's a woman who was pregnant, and the abdomen.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: Was broken open and there was the fetus.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_03: Well, no way he was going to think about that anymore.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_03: It was killing him.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_03: So, substance abuse, anger, fights, bars going to bar fights, all these kinds of things.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, Okay, what's going on here?
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_03: Because he he he got in trouble and uh his lawyer sent him.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, There's more to this.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_03: What are we talking about?
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_03: And then finally broke down and said, This is what I did.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_03: I deserve to go to jail.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_03: I deserve to be executed.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_03: I deserve all this kind of stuff.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_03: And so we really took a lot of time to work through that.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, it's not always the event.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_03: How is life after you came back?
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it it won't be perfect, it won't be exactly what you left, but it should be close, unless your spouse left you or or all that environmental stuff changes.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_03: But if that's not the case and you're you're having problems, then let's talk about why they're there.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's funny while you're saying that.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: It it and I know it's not the case, but it feels like there should almost be you know, there should be a process coming out.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I know this because I I preach it all the time, but there should be a process coming out where you do need to go talk to people and and you know find find that bounce bounces it off someone else, you know what I mean?
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes it's you just get stuck in your head.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: I call it the spin cycle, and you just you know you're stuck in the suck, right?
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: And if if there is a process, and I think that's what we're we're doing, and again, I'm not a therapist, psychologist, or or anything, but the process is figuring out where you are, right?
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: And it it's a lot to do with identity.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: So will you talk to me a little bit more about identity when they're coming out and kind of setting that up for success, if you will.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Mike, you have to look at what a soldier is created to do.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_03: They're coming out of high school, maybe, maybe college or whatever, R O T C, whatever it may be, and they enlist.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_03: Now they're going abroad and they're fighting wars.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_03: What did we do?
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_03: We took a person, a young person, still impressionable, stripped them down of everything that they were, or anything that could interfere in their becoming a soldier.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_03: We built a soldier, which is essentially, you know, a killing machine or a potential killing machine, sent them off and put them in various operations to do whatever was needed, and they became those people who killed other people or were in situations where they saw people die.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_03: They're in war situations.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_03: That's what we sent them there for in most cases.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_03: Now they come back.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_03: What's the identity?
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a soldier, I'm a killing machine, I'm lethal.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_03: I've been trained to be lethal.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_03: I've been trained.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I I remember going out with a friend who came home and we went out to a restaurant and and we grabbed seats, and he says, Do you mind if I change seats with you?
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_03: He needed to see all the exits.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yep, he needed to strategize and know what was going to happen.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_03: And it's funny because I counseled in a in a prison for five years, and that's what all the officers would do.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_03: They would say, always and I and to this day, civilian.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_03: My father was, you know, my grandfather going back, they were all military people, but I go into any situation and I'm looking around.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_03: I go into the local supermarket to shop, I'm looking around.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_03: I'm standing in line, I'm looking around because you know, while you're training them to get better and and and you know, acclimate back into society, they're training you to do something.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_03: So I understand what they're doing.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_03: Now they're you know, they're back and they're doing all these things, but there's no place to put their soldiering anymore.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_03: That identity not only doesn't apply here, unless they get into the military or I mean into police work or something like that, it doesn't apply here.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, it's something frowned upon.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_03: No, you check that at your discharge here.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_03: Well, no, it doesn't work that way, right?
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_03: So that identity is something that has to be changed.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_03: When you look at this whole program, we build a soldier, we send a soldier off to be a soldier.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_03: That soldier does his or her work, comes home.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_03: We stop the program there.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_03: Right if it was done right, we take the person, we build a soldier, they go do their work as a soldier, they come home as a soldier, and they're not discharged.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_03: Or at least discharge has two phases.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_03: One is they can they can have their benefits and do all that, but then the second part of discharge says, you will go through all of these valuations, you will meet with you know doctors and you'll meet with psychologists, and you will we will find out what you need, and then we will supply it.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_03: And that should be the whole program.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_03: We cut it off at the end and put a little piece, you know, veterans administration and and vets talk the VA down, but it's not the VA's fault, really.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_03: I've worked with them.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_03: They're doing the best they can with limited resources, monies that are not there.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_03: I have no idea why Congress doesn't allocate monies to do this for veterans, but you know, we build stadiums and we do all this stuff to you know to appease everyone, but we don't we don't do this for people who we send out to defend the country.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_03: We need to expand that program from the very beginning until that pro discharge with a an individual plan for that person.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_01: I I agree.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: I mean yeah, I I I how do I say this?
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_01: It has to be that way.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: We have to get it to be that way at some point.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: And here's the thing, it needs to be team veteran, not team here, we're here to fix you because you have a problem necessarily.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: It needs to it needs to be done right, right?
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, they just close up and they don't want to do it.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's it's not gonna be easy anyway for most.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_03: It's one of the reasons why veterans talk to veterans.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_03: They they stay with veterans, they're the only ones that understand me.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, there are some of us who do, and we're not veterans, right?
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_03: And and actually, there's wisdom in that if the veteran can can trust us, because the veteran you're talking to is in the same boat, so to speak, that you're in, unless that veteran is a counselor or is someone who's trained to help you.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_03: But other than that, the you're venting to each other, you're identifying, and that's great.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_03: And you went go you go back to your home or wherever you're going, and it's pretty much you're in the same place.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_03: Totally.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_01: But at least, but I do love they have the connection, right?
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's important, regardless.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I did a group for 11, 11 veterans.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_03: There were two women and nine men, and and they were people that met every week.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_03: And one of them started to see me and said, Hey, let's, you know, you should go over there.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_03: And they said, Well, we'd like to meet them.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_03: So I said, Why don't we do a group?
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_03: Why don't we get you all here, get them all?
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_03: And they came in and and I listened, and I asked a lot of questions, and I said, Let me see if I understand this.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_03: You said this, do you mean this?
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_03: And and at the end, one of them stopped.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_03: We were about three quarters of the way through, and one stopped and said, You're asking a lot of questions.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_03: And I was waiting for him to say, see, you don't know what we're talking about.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_03: He said, You are the first person that ever asked us how we feel and what's going on with us.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, can we do once a week to at least see where it goes?
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_03: They weren't trusting yet.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_03: About it took about four four group sessions to them for them to get to the point they wanted to continue to do it.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: And once they do, it's a beautiful thing.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I'm very big on being curious, not critical, and and that changes the game, you know.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: Do you mind if we run about five minutes over today?
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: I don't mind as long as you want to go.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_01: Fantastic.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_01: I just I got one more question I do want to, I think it's important, and then we'll we'll we'll finish up.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_01: But in the Fix Your PTSD handbook, you talk about moving from victimization toward empowerment.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think I again I want to break open the light from the darkness here.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: So that can be a sensitive idea because the person didn't choose what happened to them in the first place.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: How do you help someone reclaim responsibility for what comes next without making them feel blamed for the trauma that happened to them?
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know what you do?
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_03: You start talking about how the victimization began.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, you were you were in in the service.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_03: This happened.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you came home, and while everyone was saying the hero is back, you knew that wasn't the case, in your mind at least.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_03: You killed, you did things you would never do, you saw things you would never see, and normalized them in your head, and you came back, and that's that's what you you started to live with.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_03: So now that victimized you, that took you and and created what you know, this horrible war machine that you became.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_03: You're no longer human in your mind.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_03: That so it victimized you.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_03: The problem is you bought into it, and now you start victimizing yourself.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_03: And how do you do that?
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_03: You do that with your internal language.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_03: I am I'm not good, I'm I'm an animal, I'm I'm a person, I'm a killer.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, if they really knew who I was, they would never say those things.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_03: Now you're victimizing yourself, and then it goes from the thoughts to the behaviors, actually to the feelings.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_03: Now you feel this, then it goes to the behaviors, and you start doing things that actually get you in trouble.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_03: You know why?
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_03: Because you're letting people punish you because you believe you have to have that punishment because you did you got away with it, and they that you and they called you a hero for everything you did.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_03: So now you're doing all these things and you're setting yourself up to be a victim so that you are now you can be punished for your war crimes.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_03: You know, that's that's the internal victimization.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_03: And and I worked them through.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_03: I said, let's start from the beginning, let's see how how that developed in you, and they'll have a hard time letting go of that.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_03: No, I have to be punished.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_03: I said, No, you were trained to do that.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_03: That's what they when they stripped you down, they also stripped you of your morality.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_03: And that's what you didn't realize.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_03: Because if they if they didn't do that, if they didn't create a war machine, your morality would have stopped you from doing some things.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_03: And and quite frankly, you would you would have either got your people in in your in your platoon killed, or you would have gotten killed because you're you're not functioning like that hesitation.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_03: So so this is what they did.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_03: Now you came back with this.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_03: We don't want you killing yourself, slowly killing yourself.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_03: We want to start looking at the progression.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_03: How did you get from here where you were this innocent person with morality and haven't done anything to this person here who you believe is horrible and a demon of some nature?
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_03: So let's look at that progression.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_03: Once they understand the progression, and and you're presenting facts, and you're not you're taking that internal dialogue and you're you're not, it's not like you're going negative to positive, you're just going factual.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_03: Because once their emotions took over, it went emotional.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_03: I am this horrible, rotten, lousy person.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_03: We want to we want to get in there and start working with those emotions and say, let's replace emotion with fact.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_03: And what you then emote on are facts, not events which you talked yourself into because that's all you had.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_03: Well, now we're gonna change the dialogue.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely love that.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_01: So so thank you for for being on the show.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_01: For for everyone listening who wants to learn more about the process uh way of life, the the fix yourself empowerment series or your new uh fix your PTSD handbook.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_01: What's the best way they can connect with you?
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_03: Best way to get me is my website.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_03: It's my name, fostergerald.com.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_03: Uh everything about me, the books, the programs that I want, everything I do is there.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_03: There is a contact leak, and this is important.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_03: If you want to contact me, you can email me and I get back to people.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_03: You know, this isn't just there, so it looks good.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_03: If you contact me and say, hey, I have some questions, you know, whatever you need, then I'm gonna get back to you.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna we're gonna deal with what you have.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely love it.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: Do you do online type coaching or I'm sorry, therapy as well?
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, if if you're gonna write the right and do these programs, Mike, then you know, you know, I'm in Pennsylvania.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_03: Somebody's gonna call me from you know, you know, up uh the other side of the country.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we can do that.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_01: I just wanted to make sure that was available.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I assumed, but you know, what happens when you assume?
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, awesome.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_01: So, as we know, time is the most precious resource we have as human beings, we can't get it back.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_01: Seriously, thank you so much for spending this moment in time to help our mission and make a difference.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_03: Mike, it's been a pleasure.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I when it comes to, as I said, you're committed to working with veterans.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_03: If you would have said, Hey, can we go three hours?
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_03: We'd have gone three hours.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_03: I had the time and we would put that in there because if it's going to help, you don't define it by a clock, you define it by your commitment.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_03: That's absolutely absolutely.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_01: And when I build the studio and have people coming here, I'll have you come out for three hours, my friend.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe six.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_03: There you go.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_01: If something in today's conversation resonated with you, don't just move on to the next thing.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_01: Sit with it for a minute.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_01: There's a reason.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: If you got goosebumps, if you said, Oh, that sounds familiar, that feels familiar, don't just move on to the next thing.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_01: Take an action.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_01: Take just take one action, take one step to move yourself forward.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_01: And if you know someone who needs to hear this, share this episode with them.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_01: You can also join us at your thoughtsyourreality.com where we continue these conversations around identity, transition, resilience, and of course growth.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, your thoughts shape your reality.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_01: We're out of here.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of Your Thoughts Your Reality Podcast with your host, Michael Cole.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_00: We hope to conversate and start some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit empower performance strategies.com.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, your thoughts create the reality of the next episode.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, stay inspired.