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266. 14 Signs Your Marriage Has Become Boring, And How It Can Be Impacting Your Intimacy · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: It's the 14 signs your marriage has become boring.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: And, of course, how can a boring marriage impact your intimacy?
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Because it will.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: So this is the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast with Nick and Amy.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the podcast.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: We're excited to be here with you today and to share this wisdom and insight with you Wisdom, wis you Wisdom, wisdom, wisdom oh.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Amy.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: Amy is full of wisdom.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: I am just like the co-host that just leans on her for her wisdom her understanding her explanation.
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: Funny, we always get done and I'm like, wow, nick's like really smart.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: I fooled you all these years, 22 years.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: No, we get done with the episodes sometimes and I'm like, wow, he's really full of wisdom.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: Thanks babe, that means a lot.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: Wisdom of our own marriage.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I think today's is going to be really great, because life gets boring.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: It really does.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: Marriage gets boring sometimes and I would say I don't know the percentage, maybe we should have taken a poll.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: But I think most marriages at certain times are like yeah, things are kind of boring, like we just do the same thing over and over.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: There's not much fun or excitement, we aren't having date nights or doing these things.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: So I look we have totally been in a situation like like that, where we're like this sucks, this is the one I signed up for I want to stop you there.
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: I feel like we are in charge in our own lives, in our own marriages, to keep life exciting.
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: I don't think that life just is boring.
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: I feel like we let life get boring.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: I feel like it's our fault when something gets boring.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: We're either not putting in effort or intention into our marriage, our relationship, our life, whatever it is.
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: We can always keep life and marriage exciting if we want it to.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: I 100% agree with you.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: If our lives are boring, oftentimes we blame it on like oh, I have to work, we have to you know, like it's someone else's fault or something else's fault.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: No, that's a bunch of crap.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: If your life's boring, if it's not as passionate and as exciting as you want it to be, that's fault.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: And having said that, amy and I have totally been there like how do we make this more exciting?
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: so we're gonna.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: We're gonna talk about the signs that you know you've kind of fallen into that rut where you know things are boring, but also some of the things you can do to get it out of that.
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: So and we title it 14 signs your marriage has become boring and how that can be impacting your intimacy, because I think it's important that we hit on, and I don't know if it's just humans in general or if it's more like women, but I feel like, as wives, I feel like we almost get bored easier than men I'm not sure if that's true.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: That's just my personal opinion I can only say because I only know our marriage.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: But I would say you probably get more bored easier than I do.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: I think so, like you're a routine kind of guy, like Nick is totally fine to sit at his computer and do his stuff all day long.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: Turn it off at 5, eat dinner, turn on his news.
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: Actually, like you're fine kind of doing the same.
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: I'm going on Friday nights looking forward to going to dinner.
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: He's fine just going to the same old restaurant doing the same thing and I'm always like I'm kind of bored.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: I'm like I was the one that got bored in the bedroom after 15 years, kind of came out and said something Like I don't know how could this make you bored in the bedroom?
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: Anyways.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: I totally agree with you and I don't know how most marriages are.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think there's always exceptions, but you know, I don't know.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: Maybe a lot of marriages are like ours, where the husband is more okay with the routine and a wife needs a little bit more excitement.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: And I'm sure that can be completely opposite.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: I'm sure, it's just a personality thing.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: I'm sure it's not a wife-husband thing.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: I will say this Like I recognize that I am maybe more of a routine guy.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: But when we get out of that routine and do exciting things, I love it, like there's nothing more exciting than that and we'll we'll kind of share those things.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: But I would say I wouldn't say that our marriage is boring and routine.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: I think that our marriage is yeah, we have certain days where we're like all right, we got to do this and the kids have this and it just, you know, sometimes it feels like it's over and over again, but those are responsibilities we have to do right.
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: Well, and that's what I want to bring up is like it's kind of stages right, like I think that when we first get married, before you have kids, like for our marriage, we were going motor sled, dirt, bike riding.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Then we would go play golf, hot tub, then we would go out to eat Hot tub.
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: Make love, yeah, make love yeah, make love like like the first couple years of marriage before kids like we were a lot less routine people, right?
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: oh, and then you have children and they need routine and you're taking care of house and you're taking care of careers and there's just a lot going on.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: And I think that's where most couples start to feel that lack of excitement.
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: Maybe not always in life, because I think careers can keep things exciting and I think your kids keep things exciting, but sometimes when we put our marriage on the back burner, that can become routine and feel like it's boring, and I think that we all signed up for a passionate marriage.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: So when our marriage starts to feel kind of routine, it kind of starts to affect other areas, like seeps into other areas of your life too.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: Do you agree?
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: I do, and I also feel like it's not that hard to take.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: If you feel like your marriage is boring, it's not that hard to get it from the boring place to an exciting place.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: It could be just like little things here and there, like, oh, let's spice things up in the bedroom tonight, or oh, let's try this on our date night.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be a big life transformative thing, like you quit your jobs and you're going to go travel the world for a year.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: Like it can be just little subtle things that you change to make it more exciting.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: So we're going to talk about some of those things, because if your intimate life is feeling dull, it might not actually be your intimate life is feeling dull.
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: It might not actually be your intimate life that's dull.
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: It might literally be other things in your life that are making it feel like that and they're kind of all, like I said, connected right, yeah, so I think it all stems with what we always talk about, which is lack of communication.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: But I just I'll hit on this one really quick, because we talk about it all the time.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: But when nick asked me a couple months ago it was a couple months ago he said.
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: He said rate our marriage and our life on a scale from one to ten, like where would you rate our life a year, a year and a?
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: Half ago.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: Wow see, time flies um.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: Because we're so exciting.
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: And he said a 10.
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: He's like, oh, my life's perfect.
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: And I said a 7.
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: And I didn't say our marriage was bad, I didn't say there was anything wrong with our family life.
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: I told him.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: I said the only reason I rated it a 7 is because I feel like we're kind of in that stage where there's not a whole lot of excitement.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: It's kind of a routine, daily thing, everyday, constant over and over, which is fine.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: It doesn't make my life bad or anything to complain about.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: It's just like it is lacking the excitement.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: Our date nights have gotten kind of the same thing all the time and so that sparked a conversation in our marriage.
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: Oh well, heck what do?
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: we do Like how do we spice it up, how do we make our marriage more fun or our date nights more fun, or how do we add more adventure into our life.
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: And that was a great conversation to have, because then I was able to express to him it's not that our life's boring or I can complain about everything but I would love to try this, this, or maybe we could be more involved with this, or we could add more of this into this area of our life, and I think every couple needs to have that conversation yeah, and I'm glad you brought that up, because I was just assuming, because I felt like things were perfect perfect that she would feel the same way.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: So just by asking that simple question, I was like oh wait hold on like you're not.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: What do we need to change?
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: What do we need to do?
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: absolutely so kind of talk about that so yeah.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: So if you feel like some aspect of your marriage or your life, whatever, is kind of feeling mediocre and just kind of stale, ask your spouse tonight when you climb into bed where would you rate our marriage just in general?
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: Or where would you rate our marriage just in general?
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: Or where would you rate our life in general?
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: See, if you come up with the same number and if it's not pretty high, talk about it Like what would make life more exciting, what would make your sexual intimacy more exciting, what would make date more exciting?
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: I mean, there's lots of different areas you can pin that to right.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: And obviously by asking that simple question how do you rate our marriage, or what have you, if it comes back at all like Amy, like it's a seven?
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: Well, oh why?
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: And think that we suffer from marriage feeling mediocre is because we are so addicted to things that we do routinely, right.
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: So if we're used to putting our feet up on the couch after everyone cleans up dinner and you go get on the news and I go get on social media and two hours go by, there's no excitement there, it's routine.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: We were together, but it wasn't quality time, it wasn't quality time and a lot of couples are emailing us and writing us With this one major complaint that's wrecking intimacy, right, but if we can do a better job at realizing, okay, what is it that's causing routine at this time of day or in the evenings, or how can we make this more Like I love, like every single night, once our kids are in bed and they're older, we get that We'll go take our dog on a walk dogs sometimes all dogs, all the dogs, and our conversation's always exciting.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: So, even though our walk is usually the same spot, every single night, the dog's peeing on the same bush.
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: It's always the exact same but the conversation starters in the app and the intimate conversations, there's ways that make that conversation exciting, even if the routine is the same.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: So, just like, quality time and that conversation go hand in hand and that's huge.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: That's a for sure, ski.
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: For sure, ski, but that takes intention right Like I got to put my phone down so that we can have the quality time.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: Right, okay.
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: Next one is going to be sexual routine.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: I think Nick's going to talk all about this cause.
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: He's the wisdom here.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: Oh no, I was just going to say I think we totally fell into that.
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: Obviously, the whole reason that we're doing what we're doing is because Amy wasn't satisfied.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: And as a man, I was just like.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: I'm just.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: I'm just the happiest guy in the world to be making love.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: At least I'm getting some.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: So anyways, yeah, but I think now, like sexual routine can definitely get boring and I don't know, like sometimes we're maybe still in the same sexual routine.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: But having said that, we found something that really works and is satisfying and gratifying.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: Having said that, we found something that really works and is satisfying and gratifying.
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: But I think it's important for couples to at least try something new, or at least try a new toy once in a while, and even if it doesn't work, at least you're experimenting Exactly At least you're talking, right yeah.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt you, but hitting on that like we didn't know what we were, were missing, and once we found out what we were missing, we're like, oh my heck, like this is way better right just because we were willing to try something different, something different, and that something different produced different results.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: And we're like, oh my heck, like I.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: Sexual intimacy is amazing, and now amy wants it a little more often, which is amazing, and yeah, yeah, it's a good thing, it really is, and that takes being willing to experiment.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: Even if you experiment and you're like, nah, let's just go back to the routine, it still is good to try things, just in case you find something that's going to make something better right?
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: For sure, we all want better sexual intimacy.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: We all want better emotional intimacy, all those things.
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: The next thing I want to bring up is lack of adventure in our lives.
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: This absolutely what was the word you use trickles into other areas.
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: When you're excited and passionate and happy about your life in general, that trickles down to your marriage relationship, so like if a spouse is feeling depressed or just bored, like that's going to affect their whole personality, which is going to affect the marriage.
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: So in this situation, like, I felt kind of almost like a midlife crisis and I decided, you know, I need to take up something that's going to get me out, get me more excited, something to look forward to that will help my mental be more excited in my life and in my marriage.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: And so I took a pickleball and whatever that looks like to you like it was an hour a day every once in a while, made some new friends, got outside, was social.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: It was really important for me.
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: It made me happy.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: He saw that it made me happy, saw that it made me happy.
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: He tried it made him happy.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: Like the little things that we do, even if they're not a part of our marriage, they totally affect our marriage and that trickles into your intimacy, because if you're, if your spouse is happy, they're gonna be happy in the marriage and be more intimate, like well, that's why we call our retreat, the intimacy and adventure.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: Retreat um is because we combine the intimacy and the adventure, and it's amazing how many people after the retreat or after the adventure are like we've never done anything like this.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: This was the most amazing thing ever.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: We had so much fun, it brought us closer together as a couple and things like that, and so it really is important.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: I remember like some of the most memorable things for me are when Amy has surprised me with like certain things or a trip or a certain adventure or whatever, just really something out of the ordinary, spontaneous.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: I think it's really important.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: I don't know if this is on the list, but I think when things get kind of dull and boring, there's no longer like spontaneity, right right.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: So I think, it's important to keep being spontaneous and different things and just kind of let's go do this, or surprising each other with different things oh, absolutely.
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: Let's just talk about surprises in general for a minute.
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: Even if you're not a gift person, you can surprise your spouse in ways, emotionally.
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: We just got talking about how to make sexual intimacy more intimate, right, and so I feel like surprising.
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: We talked about no, not that one, the one before about a wife seducing or initiating or romancing her husband and the different ways that you can do that like that adds spark and excitement to a husband's life no question and vice versa.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: So like the way you initiate, or those little things, the way you touch your spouse during the day or something you surprise them with so when our, when our life was pretty boring and routine, amy amy came to me and said pack your bags.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: I'm taking you to vegas for a couple of days.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: We live by Vegas.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: We live about an hour and a half and I was like what she's like?
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: I got my mom to babysit and it was like we're leaving in an hour or whatever.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: And at first I'm like, oh okay, I'm thinking of all the things I need to take care of the point I'm trying to make is.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: We've been on some fun vacations, but this by far was the funnest time that I can remember having together.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: And here we are in Vegas, a place that I don't really care for, but it was just, I think, the the spontaneousness of her doing that and then going to Vegas and just having we had no plans, like we went to like two or three movies over the two or three days, just hung out.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: We made love a ton.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: We just hung out Like it was so much fun because we just did whatever we wanted, right, right.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: There was no routine whatsoever.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: We had nothing planned out.
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: Right, and that just creates so much fun and excitement in marriage.
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: So yeah, really being spontaneous, but it doesn't have to be like some big trip or overnight or something like like when he'll leave me a note in on the bed or in my car or just show up with flowers or something that I love.
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: Like that brings instant excitement and joy to my life.
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: Just that that day, like just like a smile.
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: But when a wife initiates for a husband, it's like that that just changes his whole attitude.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: I guess mindset yeah right it's just a simple surprise.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: Like the power of a simple surprise is huge it's huge it really is, um.
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: the next one is I'm going to talk about self-care.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: Important, I think, when yeah, I think when things get routine, people stop taking care of themselves, they stop dressing up or stop trying to impress their spouse.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: I mean just, yeah, it kind of gets boring.
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: But Like I wear my sweatpants every day.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: Oh, and I love your sweatpants.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: They are so sexy.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: Apparently, there's a thing like men in sweatpants or something.
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: You don't wear them, but it's.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: I guess the point of this one is, if you're feeling routine, dress up for each other, stay attractive for each other, get all dolled up and fancy and go on a night in the town, go to dinner, go to somewhere really nice, like treat yourself but get ready for your spouse Like I don't know.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: I feel like that's super important to like stay attractive and keep caring about things.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: Keep trying.
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: Keep trying, Just it's effort right.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think boredom or what we're talking about, is when you kind of just give up and you don't try anymore.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: Right, routine, I guess, is when you get into a routine.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: Sometimes, I would say more often, you just, you, just do it, you stop trying.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: So really just start trying and try different things try different things.
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: Yep um, the next one is going to be if you're always focusing on your kids I think that is a huge thing for people that get into a routine.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: Everything revolves around the kids, and the kids' lives are really routine for a reason right Right.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: We definitely structure our kids' lives.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: They have dance this night, they have this this night, and we do that for structure for them.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: It's good for them.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: It's good for them.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: It's good for them right but I think that gets that forces the parents to get in a certain rut or a certain routine right because it's always the same thing.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: How do we fix that?
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: Well, I think your kids are scheduled, which is good for kids, like we're not saying don't schedule your kids.
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: But if it's starting to feel like it's way, what?
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: Like it's weighing on your marriage, it's weighing on your relationship, because I have to go here.
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: We're just connected because we don't have time.
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: That's where date nights and weekends come in.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: That's where surprising your spouse with something and just saying, hey, we've got to get away without the kids even if it's just every once in a while.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: What we're saying is, if you have a routine that's getting kind of boring again it doesn't mean you have to alter your whole entire life.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: But saying you know what?
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: every week for date night.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: We're going to do something that gives you something to look forward to.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: Or, every once in a while, do a vacation, or what have you?
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: Amy and I have realized the importance of going on vacation together without kids, and everyone's marriage looks different, but find what works for you kids and everyone's marriage looks different.
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: But find what works for you and even on weekends like hopefully your kids aren't so over scheduled that you don't have like a saturday to hang out as a family, like go on a hike, go to the lake, go outside somewhere, go go to the park, like just find different places to keep something to look forward to.
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: I think that's what we're missing in life sometimes is things to look forward to, and I don't think that we live.
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: I'm not saying don't live in the present, because that's super, super important for a marriage is to live in the present.
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: But even if you're just looking for the future, just like a couple days or something like, give yourself something in your marriage to look forward to at the end of the week and like like a reward that's what you're saying yeah, some kind of reward, something to keep you excited right um the next.
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: And well, I want to stick on the children you're we always say this, but your relationship in your marriage is the best thing that you can give your kids is by nurturing that and putting that first.
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: You already know we already did a huge episode on that but neglecting your marriage while you raise kids will absolutely cause this boredom and it will ruin your sexual intimacy right and emotional connection too.
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: Uh, the next one's friendship.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: I think we forget how to stay friends in marriage because we get into this rut yeah, or we think that once we get married and we're friends, we're always going to be friends, but I think that takes constant work to stay friends, absolutely.
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: Obviously, people that get divorced are no longer friends Are no longer friends and friendships take nurturing If you look at your best friends or your closest friends Like they take effort and like even more so in your marriage right.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: For sure.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: So if you're feeling bored with your relationship or with your spouse, ask yourself the question are we still best friends and how do we become best friends again?
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: How do we increase our friendship?
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, how do we deepen that friendship right?
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: Because, like when your marriage is exciting and you're passionate about each other and you're excited about each other and you're more than just partners running a household Like it changes your whole attitude on everything else in your life.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, a best friend is someone you want to be with and spend time with, and so that should be your spouse.
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: Right, I can't wait to get home and spend time with my spouse, that's the way it should be Absolutely, and if it's not, you've got to figure out why that's not happening.
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: Oh, absolutely.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: And the next one.
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: I'm not sure if this should be the last one, but vulnerability I feel like a lot of people get into a routine or a rut in their marriage because they're not willing to be vulnerable Everything their marriage.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: Because they're not willing to be vulnerable everything's surface level.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: Right that right they won't go deep with each other and so well.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: You have to be able to be honest and be like I'm bored, like I'm bored in the bedroom I had to do that to nick or I'm I'm bored on date night.
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: I've said that to nick too and nothing's changed.
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: Huh, that's I know but sometimes we think we're bored in something and so we change it, and then we realize, no, actually it wasn't that, it was something else, and that's okay too yeah that's okay too, because we tried that in the bedroom like I'm bored and it wasn't actually that I was bored, it was the emotional.
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: this emotional intimacy wasn't needed to be.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: I was blaming it on being bored, but it was something deeper, and so sometimes the boredom, the boredom thing, is what we're blaming it on, but really there can be a deeper issue.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I was just going to say Some things can manifest in different ways, right Right, Like if there's an issue.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: Sometimes they manifest or show themselves in different ways.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: Like you said, it's important to find out what's going on.
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: Find out what's going on.
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: And I think the last one I would come up with would be external, external stressors.
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: Like are we when we say, um, it's our fault that we're bored, it's probably a lot our fault that we're so stressed out because we take on too much?
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: We take on too much sometimes, and that affects our marriage, no question.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I look back at times when I felt like our marriage was maybe boring and routine and it totally was related with taking on too much and that stress right, right, like feeling like, oh, every waking moment's got to be spent trying to further this or work on this or do this.
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: And I don't really want to get into the color code personalities, but I love them.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: So like I'm a lot red and blue and I think that you're more like white and yellow, I really like I feel like we're really good balance.
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: But it's really hard for someone that's like like an overachiever, work addictive kind of personality like me and Nick's like really good at being.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: Like it's five o'clock, I'm shutting off the computer, I'm gonna go do something else, and so, when it comes to color personalities, I think it's really important to know what you are and to know what your spouse is.
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: You can take the color quiz online and it's pretty detailed and it's pretty accurate and I'm amazed by it and I think it changes through the stages.
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: But like knowing you know yellow is.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: I mean there's balance to all the colors, but having like some yellow personality, which means like fun, is important to have and like.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: I love that nick has some of that because he wants to go on the vacations he wants to go on like dragging, or just he wants to go oh.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: I'm like dragging her.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: He wants to, which sounds funny that you would say you're dragging me, because I'm the one saying that I'm bored sometimes.
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: But he loves to go do hiking, he loves to be outdoors, he loves to be done with work and go do something else.
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: And when you're humble and you're like you know what, I need to pull some of that yellow in, because that's what makes life exciting, that's what makes our marriage exciting, that's what keeps our marriage going, is making sure that we're not overloading, not overworking, and finding that happy balance, that healthy balance and happy balance is super, super important and I think that if you recognize I need more of this or I need more of that, and you have that, I want to learn from you.
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: I think that can be huge for marriage.
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, I totally agree and yeah, like you said, learning from each other and finding that balance when you're both different and I think you know opposites do a lot of the times are mostly attract right, like, and so yeah, I think what?
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: you said is exactly true, and again I I'm hitting on this but it's really not that hard to take your marriage from a routine and boring place to an exciting place.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: It's just as simple as you know.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: Talking about it.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: And what do we do with date nights?
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: What do we do when it comes to activities?
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: And you know, just even just going out and switching things up and going on a walk for 10 or 15 minutes, even just going out and switching things up and going on a walk for 10 or 15 minutes, those little things.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: Just switching things up, getting out of the routine can be huge.
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: It almost is like a refresher or giving you that extra energy to get through all the stuff in your daily life and your marriage and I think it's important also, I'm going to add one last thing is to look back at when you first fell in love or when you first got married.
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: What has changed?
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: And, yeah, your kids and your life and your career, all that kind of stuff might be different, but what were you doing when you first got married that made things exciting?
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: What were you doing when you first fell in love with each other that made things exciting?
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: So, if you were to have an open and vulnerable conversation with your spouse, well, I loved it when you surprised me with flowers on the bed.
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: I loved it when you did this.
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: And and if he said, I loved it when you initiated more like, those kind of conversations are key to having a non-boring and passionate marriage, because one of the spouses might be really missing what used to happen and that's why marriage I mean it really came down to the effort and the tension has lowered.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I love and we say this often, but I love how you said that is go back and look at what you were doing when you were dating.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: Almost anything can be applied to that, because that that is one of the quickest things that couples stop doing is dating each other.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: And if they simply just go back and do what you were dating, if that was like the answer to almost any issue that could be fixed with that simple thing.
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: There's a major quote going around right now that says never stop dating your spouse Never.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: I think that one simple piece of advice is huge, it's huge and it is, it is.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: It could solve so many issues.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: So treat your marriage like you're still dating.
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: I think that you'll see it totally become passionate again.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: Agreed.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: And if you want it to become passionate, go check out the amazing products we have in the Ultimate Intimacy store at shopultimateintimacycom.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: We have some amazing products.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: You've heard us talk about them.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: If you have any questions, email us as well at support at ultimate intimacycom, and we are here to answer any questions you have.
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: We hope you enjoyed the podcast and thank you for supporting our shop.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: Um, our shop is what keeps us being able to keep our podcast going, and so I just want to take a second to say thank you for all of you that support our podcast and our shop and our app Like.
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: We are truly grateful.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, again it allows us to be able to do what we're doing and hopefully help a lot of marriages.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: We feel like everything's growing and we get a lot of emails from people that are grateful for the podcast and the different things that we're doing, and and again.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: That's a that's a reflection on all of your support.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: So, thank you, Thank you, Thank you and until next time.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: We hope all of you find the ultimate intimacy in your relationship.