Latest / UNMASKED with Wesley Farnsworth / EP 75 - Performance Identity: When Achievement Becomes Worth | Who Am I Really? (Part 2)

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EP 75 - Performance Identity: When Achievement Becomes Worth | Who Am I Really? (Part 2) · UNMASKED with Wesley Farnsworth

• 0:00
  What happens when you stop producing?
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  Who are you when work slows down?
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  When the title changes? When the ministry role ends?
• 0:13
  When the kids grow up? When nobody needs you for a
• 0:18
  while? Who are you when you're no
• 0:20
  longer doing? Because for a lot of people,
• 0:22
  that question is terrifying. Not because they don't know what
• 0:27
  they would do next, but because they don't know who they would
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  be. Performance identity is tricky
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  because it usually doesn't look unhealthy.
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  It looks responsible, driven, faithful, successful,
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  productive. It gets praised, rewarded, and
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  promoted. Underneath all of that activity
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  can be a dangerous belief. My value comes from what I
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  produce, and the problem with that belief is that eventually
• 1:01
  performance becomes a prison. Today we're talking about
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  performance identity, when achievement becomes worth.
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  Welcome to unmask, where we take off the filters and get real
• 1:13
  about faith, failure and finding freedom.
• 1:17
  I'm your host, Wesley Farnsworth, and this is episode
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  2 of our miniseries Who Am I Really?
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  Last episode we talked about trauma identity, what happens
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  when pain becomes our name? Today we move into a different
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  identity, one that looks healthy on the outside, and that is
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  performance identity. Because while some people build
• 1:40
  identity around wounds, others built identity around
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  achievement, success, ministry, leadership, being needed, being
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  useful. And eventually they stop knowing
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  who they are apart from what they do.
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  So let's take a breath, let's sit back and let's dive in.
• 2:01
  This is unmasked performance. Identity rarely begins with
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  pride. Usually it begins with purpose.
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  You want to do well, You want to help, You want to serve, You
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  want to provide, you want to matter, and those things are all
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  good. The problem isn't achievement,
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  the problem is attachment. See, when achievement stops
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  being something that you do, when it starts becoming who you
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  are, that is when things begin to shift.
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  Because now your identity rises and falls with your output.
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  You have a good day, you feel valuable, productive week.
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  You feel worthy, you get recognition, and you feel seen.
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  But what happens when productivity slows down?
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  What happens when the affirmation disappears?
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  What happens when you fail? If identity is attached to
• 2:57
  performance, then everything becomes fragile.
• 3:00
  See, most performance driven people are asking a question
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  that they don't even realize they're asking.
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  They're asking am I enough? And performance becomes an
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  attempt to answer that. So they work harder, they serve
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  more, they achieve more, they lead better, they do more
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  because maybe eventually it will feel like enough.
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  The problem is, performance never answers identity
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  questions, It only postpones them.
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  Because achievement creates temporary validation, not
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  lasting identity. And that's exhausting because
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  now you're not working from acceptance, you're working for
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  the acceptance. One story that comes to mind
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  here is Martha. Jesus comes into their home and
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  Mary sits with him, and Martha serves.
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  Now let's be honest, Martha isn't doing something simple
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  here. She's helping.
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  She's serving, she's working. She's doing what many of us
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  would probably do, but eventually she becomes
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  frustrated and overwhelmed, distracted, and Jesus says
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  something very powerful to her. He says, Martha, Martha, are you
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  worried and upset about many things?
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  Not lying hits because Martha wasn't bad.
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  She was burdened. She wasn't lazy.
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  She was striving. She had become so focused on
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  doing for Jesus that she stopped being with Jesus.
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  And performance identity still does that.
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  It turns a relationship into a responsibility.
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  It turns presence into productivity and connection into
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  output. See, performance identity slowly
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  changes the order. Instead of B, it becomes do.
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  Instead of do, it's become. I perform, therefore I matter.
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  I achieve, therefore I belong, I succeed, therefore I have value.
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  But the Kingdom works backwards. Before Jesus ever performed a
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  miracle, before he preached, before his ministry even began,
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  at his very first baptism, the Father says, this is my Son,
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  whom I love, and with him I am well pleased.
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  He was loved before ministry. He was accepted before output.
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  His identity came before assignment, and that order
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  matters because many people live backwards.
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  They spend their whole lives trying to earn what God already
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  gave. See performance.
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  Identity becomes especially dangerous in faith spaces
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  because serving God can quietly become performing for God.
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  You start measuring yourself by usefulness, by impact, by
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  responsibility, by how much people need you.
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  And eventually rest feels irresponsible.
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  Saying no feels selfish. Stepping back feels like
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  failure. Because your identity got tired.
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  Because your because your identity got tied to being
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  needed. And being needed feels good
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  until it becomes your source. Because if being needed is your
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  identity, you will struggle when people no longer need you.
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  Underneath performance identity, there's also usually fear.
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  Fear of feeling insignificant, fear of disappointing, fear of
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  disappointing people. Fear of failure.
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  Fear of not mattering. Because performance often says
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  if I stop producing, people may stop valuing me.
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  And that's a heavy way to live, because now every success has
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  pressure attached to it. Every failure becomes personal,
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  and you're no longer evaluating what happened, you're evaluating
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  yourself. Failure becomes identity, and
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  rest becomes guilt. Slowing down becomes anxiety and
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  eventually you forget who you are apart from what you
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  accomplish. So what happens when the title
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  changes? So your performance identity
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  usually gets exposed during these transitions when titles
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  change during seasons of job loss, retirement, leadership
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  changes, the kids leaving home, ministry shifts and injuries,
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  burnout. Suddenly, in these things, the
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  role changes and people ask, who am I now?
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  Because for years, identity lived inside of the assignment.
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  For years they were the leader, the provider, the helper, the
• 8:01
  strong one, the successful one, the parent.
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  And when the role changes, the identity shakes.
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  Not because the role was wrong, but because it became too
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  important. Performance identity is
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  exhausting because there's no finish line.
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  There is always another goal, another achievement, another
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  expectation, another standard, and eventually people realize
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  that they've built a life that they can't rest inside of.
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  They know how to work, they know how to achieve, they know how to
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  produce, but they don't know how to simply be.
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  And that's why many high performing people secretly
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  struggle with emptiness. Because success cannot answer
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  identity questions, only truth can.
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  In Ephesians it says that we are saved by grace, not works.
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  That verse isn't just talking about salvation, it's talking
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  about identity. You do not earn love.
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  You do not earn belonging. You do not earn worth.
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  You receive it. Performance says earn, but grace
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  says receive. Performance says prove it, but
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  Grace says you already belong. And that changes everything,
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  because now work becomes overflow, not identity.
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  Service becomes expression, not worth, and achievement becomes
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  stewardship, not value. So how do we break out of this
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  performance identity? Well, we slow down long enough
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  to ask hard questions. Who am I without the title?
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  Who am I without the role? Who am I when nobody is
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  applauding? Who am I when productivity
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  stops? Because maybe you're on, not on
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  the output. Because maybe you are not your
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  output. Maybe you are not your success.
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  Maybe you are not your role. Maybe who you are runs deeper
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  than what you do. So let me ask you something.
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  What role have you attached your identity to?
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  What happens emotionally when you fail?
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  When you rest, when you slow down, when you feel peace or
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  panic? Because that answer may reveal
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  more than you realize. Next time on Unmasked, we're
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  going to talk about recovery identity.
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  Because some people build an identity around pain, others
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  build it around performance, and some build it around healing
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  itself. The survivor, the recovering
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  person, the one rebuilding, and eventually recovery becomes a
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  whole story. Until next time, remember this.
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  You are more than what you achieve.
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  You are more than what you build.
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  You are more than what you produce.
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  And identity was never meant to be earned.
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  It was always meant to be received.
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  And remember that true freedom begins when you choose to live
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  unmasked. God bless you.