Latest / Voices for Voices® / The Fight To Protect Children: Kathy Picard's Journey From Victim To Advocate | Episode 426

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The Fight To Protect Children: Kathy Picard's Journey From Victim To Advocate | Episode 426 · Voices for Voices®

• 0:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Hey everyone, it's Justin here with Voices for Voices.
• 0:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you so much for joining us on yet another episode of our Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
• 0:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We have just dropped episode 425, which is just amazing.
• 0:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're we're grateful uh to have the demand to uh have people all across the world watching, listening, uh, wherever you're at.
• 0:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you're at home, you're on the go.
• 0:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, if you can just do us a big favor, give us thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share, uh, that would greatly help us.
• 0:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh I still have the uh the same goal I've had for quite a while is wanting to help uh at least three billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond.
• 0:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And it's uh with uh guests like we have on our show today, uh sharing her story and uh all all the uh all the events that have taken place in in her life, and then coming out on the the other side and being able to talk about a book that is truly a uh an excellent children's book, uh as well as not only uh in English, but I believe it's also she's gonna be able to share now being, I believe, in Spanish as well.
• 1:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So that's an awesome feat.
• 1:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And we are uh excited to have our guests.
• 1:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So we'll just get right to that.
• 1:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So joining us uh from Massachusetts is uh Kathy Picard.
• 1:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you for joining us again on the show, Kathy.
• 1:47
  Speaker: Just Justin, thank you so much.
• 1:49
  Speaker: Um it's an honor to be on your show and reaching out to your guests because, as we know, we need to talk about sexual abuse.
• 1:58
  Speaker: It's very important to educate survivors to let them know it's not their fault, and they need to be healthy and to talk about it.
• 2:08
  Speaker: It's very important to talk about it with friends, family, uh, counseling.
• 2:14
  Speaker: It's very important to talk about it.
• 2:16
  Speaker: And I unfortunately did not do that right away.
• 2:19
  Speaker: And my advice is that's the best thing that you can do.
• 2:22
  Speaker: And as you mentioned, writing a children's book, we need to keep our little ones as safe as possible.
• 2:30
  Speaker: And writing a children's book was on my bucket list.
• 2:35
  Speaker: I was never read a children's book as a young girl.
• 2:38
  Speaker: So I wanted that's the purpose of writing a children's book and getting it out there.
• 2:45
  Speaker: And as you mentioned, the children's book, I love you so much that it's a life lesson book.
• 2:51
  Speaker: It's I love you so much that I asked you to brush your teeth, the reasons of why.
• 2:56
  Speaker: So you have a beautiful smile, not to talk to strangers, uh, going to bed at a certain time.
• 3:03
  Speaker: So it's very important to get those messages out to the little ones.
• 3:08
  Speaker: And my dog is featured in the book, Abby.
• 3:11
  Speaker: Uh, she unfortunately passed away in November, but um, she pause signs each and every book, and the kids find that really fascinating.
• 3:21
  Speaker: And I did put it to reach out to the Spanish community.
• 3:26
  Speaker: So it is in a bilingual.
• 3:28
  Speaker: Um, this one is interactive activity pages, so it has activity pages that you can do with that child because it's important, spending that quality time with that child.
• 3:39
  Speaker: And then the bilingual, Spanish, and in English.
• 3:43
  Speaker: So it's um, it also has the activity pages in it.
• 3:47
  Speaker: And um, yeah, we need to reach out to as many children, reading a book, having that quality time, teaching the child that you love them, you are there for them, they can trust you, and life lessons, it's really important to do so.
• 4:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah, I it it it really is, and having uh a daughter that's that's growing up now getting to the age where she's starting to under understand a little bit more, um as far as what the impact of uh you know being around certain people, what that may be.
• 4:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: In fact, uh she my my daughter had a uh a wellness visit with with her uh pediatric, I guess family medicine doctor recently, and there were a couple of questions that kind of made me uh take a step back.
• 4:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And uh unfortunately I my wife has started a new job, and I wasn't able to be there for uh for for uh different reasons.
• 5:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh so my my mother-in-law took our daughter, and the questions that she was asking, it was like she's really starting to to grow up, and it's like, oh my gosh, like why is a doctor uh asking questions and to see certain things uh at the you know the age of seven.
• 5:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I I know in in in your book, uh I love you so much that uh you really talk about those those situations and uh when it's okay, and the individuals and professionals that are able to ask those questions and to be able to let that guard down.
• 6:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I know that a doctor is one of them, it just kind of caught us off guard at like nobody let us know at like seven that that was gonna be a question.
• 6:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Now, now we're much more uh prepared for that going in, but it it just you know, as we think about she's obviously not not gone through puberty at the age of seven, a question or two kind of what was was asking, and luckily the the the the doctor uh was okay with you know the answer no of you know not right now, and and so uh to to just share that people uh some some people are it's okay, and then others which is vastly more, more if we were looking at a pie and we have like a hundred pieces of a hundred pieces of a pizza pie, and you know, maybe two or uh three of those would be people that we would be okay uh asking the questions and that, and the rest of them absolutely not, whether it's a friend's mother, father, uh an extended family member, and you go into great detail in in sharing that.
• 7:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: How did that come about when you were thinking about the book process and how you wanted to talk about that area?
• 7:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Because I know you've gotten some pushback, which we all get, um, about certain areas, and and and that's one of those areas where it's like, oh my gosh, Kathy, you put this in the book, like the book, except for that one page or two pages, and it's like these things do need to be talked about because bad things do happen.
• 8:01
  Speaker: Yeah, yeah, they they do, and and it's so important this particular page.
• 8:06
  Speaker: I'm gonna read it.
• 8:07
  Speaker: I love you, and I want you to be safe so much that I want you to keep your private parts private.
• 8:15
  Speaker: I'm saying private parts.
• 8:18
  Speaker: Why?
• 8:19
  Speaker: Because private means we don't show or share them with other people.
• 8:22
  Speaker: Is there a time when it's okay for someone to see your private parts?
• 8:26
  Speaker: And that was and on that page is a doctor.
• 8:30
  Speaker: And that's what I'm trying to get that child to come to the point where, yeah, it's okay, mom, dad, a doctor, you know, with permission that let that child ask, is it okay for the doctor?
• 8:43
  Speaker: As we know, there are doctors that are not safe.
• 8:46
  Speaker: You know, there are professional people that are not safe, but it's letting that child know that ask permission, ask your mom, ask your dad, is it okay for this person to see my private parts?
• 8:59
  Speaker: And you're absolutely right, Justin.
• 9:01
  Speaker: There are some schools that have approached me and said, Kathy, if you take those two pages out of the book, we'll allow you to come in.
• 9:09
  Speaker: No, I'm not taking those two pages out, those are important pages, and the book is for two to nine-year-olds, um, letting that child know that that's your special parts, that is your private parts.
• 9:25
  Speaker: I am not saying vagina or penis, I'm saying private parts.
• 9:30
  Speaker: What is wrong with that?
• 9:31
  Speaker: And there are children, they're learning it from their peers, they're learning it from their friends.
• 9:36
  Speaker: So if you give them the answers that they need and to know that no, say the words no, it's not okay.
• 9:45
  Speaker: You know, and teaching kids that if Uncle Johnny wants to give you a hug, he's an adult, you should accept that hug.
• 9:53
  Speaker: If Uncle Johnny is touching you in your private places, no, you're not going to let Uncle Johnny give you a kiss or give you a hug or sit on his lap.
• 10:03
  Speaker: So teaching that child, it's okay to say no to adults that are not keeping you safe.
• 10:10
  Speaker: And that's very important, you know, especially for the parents, the grandparents, the aunts and uncles that are letting that child do the sleepovers.
• 10:19
  Speaker: I am totally against sleepovers, but in that family may be a trusted family.
• 10:26
  Speaker: They might be perfectly safe, but who's walking in the door?
• 10:30
  Speaker: What neighbor, what relative, what teenage child is walking in that door that you don't know of that is not safe and that is touching those little girls, touching those little boys in appropriate places?
• 10:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's so true.
• 10:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And and I'm and I'm thinking about our uh I guess my personal experience with their daughter and friends, peers uh at school, that's absolutely the case.
• 11:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There's been a number of occasions, through birthday parties, etc., where uh different things have come up.
• 11:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Not not these specifically about private parts, but certain topics, it's like, oh my gosh.
• 11:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And and so I know I'm gonna uh I'm gonna get uh hate mail for saying this, but uh so Taylor Swift, everybody a lot of people know her, and you know, very successful, the heiress to her, very successful career.
• 11:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh growing up, uh the music that she was putting out uh was very wholesome.
• 11:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh and I actually enjoyed uh her music.
• 11:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And as of late, with some of her albums, she's started to incorporate alcohol and the outfits she wears uh during different performances.
• 11:56
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I know it's come up at least a couple times on our show where uh people are like, I thought you you you like like her music, and I said, I I do, I like I I do like her music, but you know, there comes a point where a person can change, and whether that's you know, selling out, uh sell more records or more concert tickets or what that may be, that I can still like a person's music, but I don't have to like what the person is doing at the current time and outfits, and when they're talking about you know being drunk at the bar and the the the one one song that was playing, and among others, and uh and that song among others was being played at a six and seven-year-old birthday party, and and I know it's like a little a little thing where it's like, okay, big deal.
• 13:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's like, well, but the more they hear that, the more they say it, and they might not know because sometimes we'll ask our daughter, do you know what that means?
• 13:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like, like, slay girl, slay.
• 13:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like, do you like I don't really even know what that means?
• 13:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, and and so it's it seen the seven-year-olds growth into finding things out or learning from uh a peer at school that may have an older brother or sister, or um, and and and you know, my story uh with uh sobriety and that is like I'm I'm not against anybody else drinking alcohol, consuming alcohol.
• 13:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh just for me, like that's just where it it led me with my mental health and mental illnesses, that that's where luckily eight years I I I've been uh sober.
• 14:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So I think about as you mentioned, like the sleepovers where there are certain parents where they show up to their daughter's dance class, and they're drinking a mixed drink in their Yeti or whatever there, and it's like, oh my gosh, you have to be drinking, you have to be doing this.
• 14:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So to your point about sleepovers, yeah, when that person and those parents ask and say, Is it okay to have your daughter stay over?
• 14:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um there's the the daughter is perfectly fine, uh, but again, with the parents, like, and then who else is coming through the door?
• 14:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If right or they they're having like a little get together with the neighbors, and yeah, are they children being watched?
• 14:58
  Speaker: Yeah, and that's why, like, if that child is in danger, um, one of the tips that I have for parents is giving that child a password so the child can call you and say, I'm in trouble, but they may not be able to say those particular words because the person's right next to them.
• 15:18
  Speaker: So say, Mom, I love my red dress, or mom, the blue card, like and change those passwords.
• 15:25
  Speaker: But coming up with a password that doesn't mean come and get me, I'm in trouble.
• 15:30
  Speaker: You know, I think that is very important for that child to feel that safety.
• 15:35
  Speaker: Like, I can call my mom or daddy and they can get me out of this trouble.
• 15:39
  Speaker: And I'm not gonna get, you know, I'm not gonna get heard by the person that is abusing me.
• 15:45
  Speaker: So I think that's very important as well.
• 15:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Absolutely.
• 15:49
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, so for our viewers and listeners that aren't familiar uh with your books and and your unfortunate uh events grow growing up, can you just give maybe like a high level uh of that?
• 16:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And then what made you want to share that in book form?
• 16:09
  Speaker: Sure.
• 16:09
  Speaker: So, Justin, as you talked about your daughter being seven, um unfortunately, it's an odd number, but that is when my abuse took place.
• 16:20
  Speaker: So, life with my idiot family is my memoir, Life with My Idiot Family.
• 16:26
  Speaker: It's a true story of survival, courage, and justice over childhood sexual abuse.
• 16:31
  Speaker: Um, is my story.
• 16:32
  Speaker: I was sexually abused from seven to 17, 10 years, and people will say, Oh my God, 10 years.
• 16:39
  Speaker: But like I tell people, once is too much.
• 16:42
  Speaker: So a person may say, Well, it only happened once, I can just forget about it.
• 16:46
  Speaker: But that one time will affect your life.
• 16:50
  Speaker: You know, uh, it's too much because that will never go away.
• 16:55
  Speaker: You need to get that help, you need to be safe.
• 16:58
  Speaker: Um, you need to, you know, worry about are you drinking too much?
• 17:02
  Speaker: Are you doing drugs?
• 17:04
  Speaker: Are you not eating right?
• 17:05
  Speaker: Are you, you know, I I had to recently tell this woman, somebody had told me, Kathy, put on your big girl pants and go forward, move on, but be safe because those memories, those thoughts, those feelings, those actions, the words, they don't go away.
• 17:24
  Speaker: And most survivors will, you know, we'll try to bury it, but it's it pops up and it does.
• 17:32
  Speaker: And I'm glad my husband and I, uh, I've been together with Gary for 31 years, and he is my soulmate.
• 17:39
  Speaker: Um, Gary and I wrote that book.
• 17:44
  Speaker: It took us five years to write it.
• 17:46
  Speaker: And we could have wrote quick, quick, quick, and something simple, but we wanted to go into detail.
• 17:52
  Speaker: We wanted to start when I was a young girl, what I experienced, what I went through all the way through my teenage years, working like a dog, working three jobs to try to forget about it.
• 18:05
  Speaker: Uh, and then my experience with counseling and even having one counselor say, Kathy, you need to forget about it and go on with your life.
• 18:13
  Speaker: I'm like, what counselor tells me that?
• 18:16
  Speaker: So, you know, having counseling experience um it did help me.
• 18:22
  Speaker: And then going on to be the advocate that I am today, 25 years, going out and speaking at correctional facilities, and people will say, Oh my God, you go in and talk to sex offenders.
• 18:33
  Speaker: And it's like, yes, because they need to know what a survivor goes through.
• 18:40
  Speaker: And talking to men and women and going out to hospitals and colleges, I've zoomed as far as Serbia, um, you know, reaching out to these to these people.
• 18:51
  Speaker: And as a survivor, whether I speak to one or whether I speak to 900, I know that that that will carry on.
• 19:02
  Speaker: It will go on to more people because that one person in the audience may know of somebody and share it that you know, this girl did this and reach out to me.
• 19:12
  Speaker: Like my door is open.
• 19:14
  Speaker: People can email me, call me.
• 19:17
  Speaker: I like to help people because that help wasn't there for me as a young girl, as a teenager in my early adult years.
• 19:27
  Speaker: And I'm very blessed.
• 19:30
  Speaker: I'm very, I have found the right roads to go down and to continue walking.
• 19:37
  Speaker: So I do hope, you know, that my book, um, This is me as a five-year-old flower girl before the abuse took place.
• 19:46
  Speaker: And writing that book, like I said, it's it was a healing for me.
• 19:51
  Speaker: And um, it's also in Audible.
• 19:53
  Speaker: You get to hear my voice again.
• 19:55
  Speaker: Um, it took nine hours and 10 minutes to read this book.
• 19:58
  Speaker: If you ever do an Audible, it's hard.
• 20:00
  Speaker: I would leave words out, I would add words, we had to redo it.
• 20:05
  Speaker: And um, but I'm glad over a thousand people have heard my story.
• 20:09
  Speaker: It's also in Kindle as well.
• 20:11
  Speaker: Um, my husband did write a screenplay.
• 20:14
  Speaker: We may tweak it, and someday it could be on the big screen.
• 20:18
  Speaker: You don't know.
• 20:19
  Speaker: Um we hope, you know, it's a life story, and there are a lot of people that have been sexually abused.
• 20:28
  Speaker: From what I'm hearing, the cases of sexual abuse are more than cancer.
• 20:34
  Speaker: And I don't know the exact figures because from what I hear, one in every four girls before their 18th birthday, one in every six boys before their 18th birthday, but that's just reported.
• 20:46
  Speaker: So, as we know, there are so many people that don't say anything and they never do.
• 20:52
  Speaker: They live their whole life and they never had that opportunity to talk about it because they didn't want to destroy the family.
• 21:00
  Speaker: But in fact, you deserve your friends as a family or the family members that matter.
• 21:08
  Speaker: And that was one thing that I learned.
• 21:10
  Speaker: I wanted to be a part of this big Italian family, so I shut my mouth and I did as I was told.
• 21:17
  Speaker: But the best thing I did was to leave these unhealthy, inconsiderate people that do not belong in my life.
• 21:26
  Speaker: And that's the best advice is less is best, you know, find the good people, find the people that you choose to be a part of your life because you deserve it.
• 21:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Absolutely.
• 21:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And you have also been a law changer, and uh recently, well, I guess recently is last year, uh, with the Take It Down Act, and uh I believe I uh we'll we'll touch base afterwards.
• 21:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh If if I haven't gotten you in contact with uh Elliston and her mom Miss Anna who uh had the uh unfortunate situation of having innocent Instagram photos put through an AI program, turned them into nudes.
• 22:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: She showed up to high school, everybody's whispering and talking, and it uh went from a mom that could have just sat by passively to calling every congressperson, every senator, and luckily Senator Ted Cruz picked up that legislation, has a is a daughter that's uh older and younger than Allston.
• 22:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: He took it to DC and both sides, the Senate and House of Representatives, they they signed that or they voted for it, and then uh President Trump signed it last last May.
• 22:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And it's not it's not easy because you as you mentioned, you really have a decision to make when you if you go through a situation to just sit back and just say, all right, what am I who you know, little little me, what am I gonna do?
• 23:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, how am I gonna change the situation?
• 23:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: To go, you know what, I'm gonna I'm gonna do something about it.
• 23:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And your story for me kind of mirrors their story because you didn't stand idly or sit idly, that you called and called and called and called, and so the stories from that perspective literally just mirror each other.
• 23:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Can you just talk about that?
• 23:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um uh just having that tenacity to call and not take no furniture and and to keep calling and how important that that is.
• 23:56
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And if somebody's gone through a situation like this and is getting no feedback from you know their their representatives, and uh you have great uh tenacity when it comes to that as well.
• 24:11
  Speaker: Thank you.
• 24:12
  Speaker: So, what had happened, Justin, is you go through a phase, most survivors do, where I realized what my my stepfather had done to me for those past 10 years.
• 24:24
  Speaker: And I I did go through an angry stage where, okay, I realized what he did.
• 24:29
  Speaker: He needs to be punished.
• 24:31
  Speaker: What can I do?
• 24:33
  Speaker: And I remember calling the Boston State House and talking to reps, talking to senators, the House speaker, whoever I could, the aides and calling, I would email, I would go there, and I wanted to do something.
• 24:50
  Speaker: And there's a number you could call, and it still comes out every October during domestic violence month.
• 24:56
  Speaker: It's 1-800 dial a lawyer.
• 24:58
  Speaker: And I called this number and I told him the story of sexually abused, and I wanted to do something to have my stepfather punished for his actions.
• 25:07
  Speaker: And they said, Kathy, I'm sorry, the statute of limitations, the time frame for what he did to you has run out.
• 25:15
  Speaker: There's nothing you can do.
• 25:17
  Speaker: And this is coming from an attorney.
• 25:19
  Speaker: And I'm like, he doesn't know his job.
• 25:21
  Speaker: I go, What is he talking about?
• 25:23
  Speaker: So he said, There's nothing you can do.
• 25:25
  Speaker: So I, in fact, hung up, called back the same number, and told my story again.
• 25:30
  Speaker: And they said the same thing.
• 25:32
  Speaker: So I said, Well, I guess he does know what he's talking about.
• 25:34
  Speaker: So I said, the laws have got to change.
• 25:38
  Speaker: We need to extend the time frame for survivors to give them the justice that they deserve to be able to go through a trial.
• 25:46
  Speaker: And it took a while, it took a long time.
• 25:50
  Speaker: 2014 is when the law changed.
• 25:54
  Speaker: So statute limitations, there's two.
• 25:57
  Speaker: There's criminal, where they would have to register as a sex offender and do jail time.
• 26:02
  Speaker: So I was pushing, pushing, pushing to get this changed.
• 26:06
  Speaker: Finally, September 21st, 2006, the law did change in Massachusetts.
• 26:11
  Speaker: It went from the age of 31, giving a survivor to the age of 43 years old to go forward to get justice.
• 26:19
  Speaker: I was too old.
• 26:20
  Speaker: I could not get him on criminal charges.
• 26:24
  Speaker: Therefore, he didn't have to do no jail time.
• 26:26
  Speaker: He did not have to register as a sex offender.
• 26:29
  Speaker: So I said, what else can I do?
• 26:32
  Speaker: Kathy, there's got to be something else you can do.
• 26:34
  Speaker: So then I found out statute limitations for civil.
• 26:37
  Speaker: Civil is monetary.
• 26:39
  Speaker: However, he doesn't have to register as a sex offender.
• 26:44
  Speaker: That needs to change because he does need to register so that other people do not get hurt.
• 26:50
  Speaker: Um, the civil did change.
• 26:52
  Speaker: It changed June 26, 2014, and that was a huge jump.
• 26:58
  Speaker: It changed, giving a survivor instead of the age of 21 to go forward, and here as it stands in Massachusetts now, a survivor has until the age of 53, not 21, 53 years old.
• 27:11
  Speaker: And I was 53, ironically.
• 27:14
  Speaker: So I was the first in mass to go forward for a four-day trial in federal court.
• 27:21
  Speaker: It was in federal because my perpetrator lived out of state.
• 27:25
  Speaker: So I did have my four-day jury trial, and I talk all about it in the book.
• 27:30
  Speaker: I talk about the deposition that he had to go through.
• 27:33
  Speaker: Um, it's very detailed and dragging him.
• 27:38
  Speaker: So the law change in 2014, November 2nd, 2015 was my first day in federal court.
• 27:46
  Speaker: Four-day jury trial, very, very nervous.
• 27:49
  Speaker: Put myself against self-help, put myself on Lexapro to calm me down because you need to help yourself.
• 27:56
  Speaker: Um and it was it was a tough four days being up on the stand, not one day, but going back up on the stand the second day.
• 28:05
  Speaker: And um, it was tough.
• 28:08
  Speaker: I brought the the picture of me as a little flower girl because I needed that help.
• 28:14
  Speaker: Brought the picture of my aunt Judy, who passed away in 2000, brought her picture for that support that I needed from my angel above, and um I did it.
• 28:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Wow, that's incredible.
• 28:28
  Speaker: And I still tear up.
• 28:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah, it and it it's it's just remarkable.
• 28:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You you you you stuck with it, and that's one thing some people they don't understand the oh well it happened at this day and this time, these things, uh, why didn't you do anything then?
• 28:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, the way everybody's different, some people are able to do that, and others aren't, and it doesn't make them any less of a human being.
• 29:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It just we all operate a little bit differently.
• 29:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I even with my mental health crash, I was 37 years old, and some people say, Well, why did it take that long for you know this that to happen to get diagnosed?
• 29:20
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And uh you can't have low spectrum autism at age 37.
• 29:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You should have been diagnosed when you were a kid.
• 29:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I said, Well, in the 80s, that wasn't really 80s and 90s, wasn't really something the doctors really looked at, and I uh through one of the the guests that uh we had on uh who has a uh a uh not say sibling, but uh son and daughter, and uh it they have autism, went through all the diagnoses, and uh and it was interesting because I that was one of the questions I asked her.
• 30:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I said, Okay, I'm it I'm getting pushback on this.
• 30:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm just asking, just as a human being, is it possible to be diagnosed with autism wherever on the spectrum, whether it's severe or whether it is less severe.
• 30:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And she says, Oh no, absolutely, you you can be diagnosed any anytime.
• 30:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And she agreed that you know back in the 80s and 90s, that was something that wasn't top of mind for for physicians, and so that was just a little bit of validation of like okay, that I wasn't uh uh it was just a question that was in my head that it that wasn't answered, and and to finally get an answer says yes, you can absolutely be diagnosed later.
• 31:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And one thing I didn't know that came out of it was that there is a uh proportion of individuals who had been diagnosed with autism who actually lose their diagnosis, so somehow, some way they they heal and they don't have that diagnosis.
• 31:20
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so those were like two things.
• 31:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh the the one of like that I wanted to know from me, but then the oh yeah, that there's a there's a percentage, and it and I believe it was around 30% or so, so it was a decent uh amount that you know if just using autism as as an example that if your son, your daughter, whether it's autism or something else, you know, keep going back to your your doctor and and keep getting evaluated because the things you may be doing may be helping that.
• 32:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so, as you mentioned, you know, to go on the stand for oh my I I can only just imagine.
• 32:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah, and so yeah, if you if you need medication, if you need therapy, both things that I I do regular basis, uh like that's quite okay.
• 32:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And yeah, it makes you stronger by doing that, yeah.
• 32:21
  Speaker: It does, you know, to get that help that you need.
• 32:23
  Speaker: And you know, as far as like your health, health conditions and all that, you have to be your own advocate.
• 32:30
  Speaker: And if you got to get a second opinion, you know, the year I was going through the trial, I was feeling dizzy, and I went to my doctor and they're like, Oh, you have um vertigo.
• 32:42
  Speaker: Like, I get vertigo once a year.
• 32:44
  Speaker: I go, something is different.
• 32:47
  Speaker: And so I my doctor said, Vertigo, and I'm like, no, so I did.
• 32:51
  Speaker: I got a second opinion and I had a brain tumor.
• 32:55
  Speaker: Go figure.
• 32:56
  Speaker: I'm like, you know, so if you're feeling dizzy and all that, I highly recommend getting an MRI because I had a tumor the size of a golf ball, and I wasn't ready to get it out yet because I was going through my trial.
• 33:11
  Speaker: But right after my trial, I did.
• 33:13
  Speaker: I had it removed.
• 33:14
  Speaker: Um, I have a dented head.
• 33:16
  Speaker: Well, this way, but I have a dented um head because that's where they cut me here to here and they they took it out and it was benign, but I'm fortunate, you know, to have that.
• 33:30
  Speaker: Um, so get a second opinion, you know, and don't listen to people that, you know, when I was calling the lawmakers at the Boston Statehouse, I was calling because I had a mission, I had something that needed to be done.
• 33:43
  Speaker: These laws, there are over 6,000 bills at the Boston State House.
• 33:48
  Speaker: You need to be that squeaky wheel to say, we need a change.
• 33:52
  Speaker: And I guess I was pissing one person off particularly.
• 33:57
  Speaker: He's like, Kathy, you need to stop calling, stop emailing because you're bothering me.
• 34:02
  Speaker: And I'm like, I'm a taxpayer, you need to do your job.
• 34:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah.
• 34:07
  Speaker: So he's no longer there now.
• 34:09
  Speaker: But it's like, wow, like some of the advice that you get don't take that all, you know, with a grain of salt, just like move on, you know, get get that get that help that you need.
• 34:22
  Speaker: And if you really and truly believe in something, make a difference, you know, use your voice, you know, and and be loud about it.
• 34:32
  Speaker: You know, I I was always a shy, quiet child, and and I did, I self-blamed.
• 34:38
  Speaker: It's like, why didn't I tell sooner about the abuse that I endured?
• 34:43
  Speaker: You know, why am I talking about it now?
• 34:45
  Speaker: And I kept thinking, did I like it?
• 34:48
  Speaker: Like it's my fault because I didn't talk about it sooner.
• 34:53
  Speaker: No, when you're a little girl and somebody is touching you inappropriately and they're threatening you with a gun, if you tell I'm going to shoot you, yeah, you do keep quiet.
• 35:04
  Speaker: You do.
• 35:05
  Speaker: And unless that person has walked in your shoes for anything, not besides not just sexual abuse, but anything, if they don't have anything good to say, they should not say anything.
• 35:17
  Speaker: Do not judge a person unless you've walked in that shoes.
• 35:22
  Speaker: And some people just will go on, some people will say I'm lying.
• 35:26
  Speaker: Family members.
• 35:28
  Speaker: And I'm like, how do people say that?
• 35:31
  Speaker: Like Kathy's looking for attention.
• 35:33
  Speaker: Really?
• 35:35
  Speaker: Why would I look for attention?
• 35:37
  Speaker: Sexual abuse is very embarrassing, it's a dirty topic.
• 35:42
  Speaker: Um, and I choose to talk about it to help myself, but also to help others to get to the point where I am at.
• 35:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If somebody hasn't walked in your shoes, uh, you know, take, you know, listen, let them say their say their piece.
• 36:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, but when it comes down to the actual like listening and and having action, it should come from you know, individuals who have been through uh have I think your husband's yeah, he's in the background.
• 36:26
  Speaker: Gary's in the background.
• 36:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That was so cool.
• 36:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Sorry to interrupt.
• 36:35
  Speaker: Oh, downstairs, honey.
• 36:36
  Speaker: Downstairs on the hope chest.
• 36:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Nice to meet you.
• 36:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Nice to meet you a little, Gary.
• 36:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Congratulations.
• 36:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah, and and and I find that as well with when people like like you said, uh, Kathy's just looking for attention.
• 36:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's like if you're looking for attention, there's probably less taboo type of things that you know that you'd read you'd talk about.
• 37:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's like you know, some of the uh one specific guest we had on went through human trafficking.
• 37:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And it's like I don't think like somebody's gonna talk about you know the 200 men and all these all these things to get attention.
• 37:20
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That that's just doesn't seem like that doesn't fit for me.
• 37:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um and so unless somebody's been there, uh and again for you to have that tenacity to to to not give up, and you're helping and have helped so many people uh with getting that legislation passed, uh, that I want to make sure that everybody knows where they can purchase your your books at uh for uh if they how how to reach out for uh book readings and and and all those things to let everybody know because we you know we we have people all over the world, and I'd love for somebody in Australia or New Zealand or you know is far away to to pick up.
• 38:11
  Speaker: And they have they they have because I have oh they they have in Australia um Kindle.
• 38:17
  Speaker: You can get it on Kindle, but um all three well, one, two, three, four, four of my books, because the kids' book is in three versions, um, but they can get them on Amazon.
• 38:31
  Speaker: Uh just the best way to find my books is just type in Kathy K A T H Y P Card P-I-C-A-R-D books, um, and all the books will come up.
• 38:43
  Speaker: And they could always reach out to me.
• 38:45
  Speaker: I do offer in bulk uh discount on the books and um Kathy Child Advocate at gmail.com.
• 38:54
  Speaker: Justin, they can reach out to you for my information, it is fine.
• 38:58
  Speaker: I am on Facebook.
• 38:59
  Speaker: I wish I was a little bit more savvy when it came, you know, came to uh some of the things, TikTok and all that.
• 39:06
  Speaker: Um at 63, you can still learn.
• 39:09
  Speaker: And uh, you know, but but reaching out and and I do, I do check and see um, you know, who's done reviews or you know, where I can go.
• 39:20
  Speaker: I've done book clubs, I've done Zooms, and um really I I'm asked to speak.
• 39:29
  Speaker: Daycare centers is very important.
• 39:32
  Speaker: I've done a lot of presentations for the staff members at daycare centers, letting them know what signs to look for in the children and sharing my story and giving them tips.
• 39:45
  Speaker: So daycare centers has been another big reach out because we don't want these kids to go through what I endured.
• 39:54
  Speaker: And a lot of parents, a lot of staff members will say, This child will tell me if something is wrong.
• 40:03
  Speaker: They won't.
• 40:04
  Speaker: They're threatened, they're afraid, um they're not going to.
• 40:12
  Speaker: So that's why we need to offer prevention, teaching them the tips and what to do to keep them safer.
• 40:19
  Speaker: One of the big things is these little kids, they don't know the difference between a good secret and a bad secret.
• 40:27
  Speaker: So for the little ones, and I tell parents, we don't do secrets in our family.
• 40:33
  Speaker: A good secret has an ending to it, such as a birthday party, because it's gonna happen where you're going to talk about it.
• 40:40
  Speaker: Um, there's more bad secrets than good secrets.
• 40:43
  Speaker: So don't scare the child, you know, and just say we don't do secrets.
• 40:49
  Speaker: And um, it's not a one and done conversation.
• 40:53
  Speaker: Um, we need to, just like my children's book, pick it up, read that book once a month to that child, because something new is going to happen in that child's life all the time.
• 41:06
  Speaker: So it's not a one and done read.
• 41:08
  Speaker: It's important to read to children.
• 41:11
  Speaker: And I wish that that was done for me because maybe I would have opened up, maybe I would have told the school teacher, maybe I would have told the neighbor.
• 41:20
  Speaker: But the the bottom line is, and this is sad and scary, I'll tell you two things.
• 41:26
  Speaker: My mother knew my mother knew what was going on, and my mother did not stop it.
• 41:32
  Speaker: Parents do know and they don't stop it.
• 41:36
  Speaker: The other thing is people will say, Well, my child is young, nothing's going on.
• 41:41
  Speaker: The youngest I heard of a child being sexually abused, touched inappropriately, is a two-month-old baby.
• 41:50
  Speaker: And that is sad and pathetic because there are so many prostitutes out there that they can go after them and leave these little kids alone.
• 42:02
  Speaker: But that little baby does not have a voice, that little baby cannot tell.
• 42:08
  Speaker: So to them, it's a game.
• 42:10
  Speaker: So start as young as possible, teach, and these kids always come to me.
• 42:16
  Speaker: I love you.
• 42:16
  Speaker: I'm here to help you, I'm here to listen.
• 42:19
  Speaker: You're not gonna get in trouble.
• 42:21
  Speaker: Teach that child.
• 42:22
  Speaker: You you love them, you want to be there for them.
• 42:26
  Speaker: It's it's important.
• 42:27
  Speaker: I didn't get that love.
• 42:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, Kathy, thank you so much for uh being with us for as long as you have on on the show.
• 42:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're always happy to have you on and and talk about updates that that are going on, and uh we always welcome you back, and uh I'm grateful that you sent me the message you did uh because I I was uh hoping to have have you on, it just hadn't made its way to a message.
• 43:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah.
• 43:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So when you put that, that's why I was like, yes, like let's do it.
• 43:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Let's get the dates and let's figure out what works.
• 43:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And uh so it's always it is it's it's always nice.
• 43:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh I mean you're uh you've been with us from the beginning with the organization when we weren't an organization, when we were an event, you were uh one of the head speakers at that event, and you always hold a uh a special place in my heart for what you have done.
• 43:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh and it is just so empowering.
• 43:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, and I know that you're going to uh that you've already helped a lot of people, but uh it I I have a feeling that you're gonna help many, many more uh after this, uh because we've uh we've grown pretty decent with the numbers.
• 43:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: with the downloads and the countries and uh and dignitaries that we had no idea that it's like like just stuff like you're like yeah no they're just lying they're not really watching and uh but yeah we had uh and and so to kind of close that out with the the take it down law and how you your process of you know kind of never letting go until something is done is that we were actually able to uh go to DC and interview Senator Ted Cruz and and tell him you know thank you personally and uh and we presented him on one of our uh one of our annual awards and and it was just a down to earth conversation and it it was just it you don't know what to think when you meet a politician and think that there I mean he took his time he uh I gave him my mental health book and he was paging through it gave him one of the books uh uh the um um human trafficking survivor had been through and got pictures and posted it on he got five million it was just it was just incredibly nice he could have just said no it took nine months to make it happen but like as you know the you know persistence uh carries on and and it's all like you said it's all about sharing your voice and letting people know that sharing and caring and the answer is no if you don't ask if you ask you got a 5050 chance you got a 50 chance and and Justin you are helping so so many people and I applaud you I appreciate you you're giving people the opportunity to use their voice and to carry that voice in the heart of so many other people you're gonna make me cry oh thank you no but but thank you thank you for all what you do and it's a lot of you know sometimes people don't want to do the work and there's a lot of work behind it we know we know how much money we've put out how much time we've put out and I know for me and I know it's the same for you we would never take it back.
• 46:35
  Speaker: Oh no you know we're in it for the long haul and until I'm six feet under I'm gonna continue on and you know it's it's a legacy to leave behind that we know we have helped other people and people just they need to be kind they need to help they need to volunteer and you know it's not all about money.
• 47:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's right.
• 47:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah well I invite all our viewers or listeners to head on over to their uh their Amazon with whichever one is in their the their country uh X is ours is dot com and and each country has a different I think ending like AU for Australia etc UK yeah or the UK and yeah so we invite all our viewers listeners to not only grab a copy of all of Kathy's books but let 25 year friends your uh your friends your family know about your school your colleagues uh these are important topics and uh again just grateful to have had Kathy on several times and we will have her on several more times yep I'd be honored thank you so much my friend you're welcome and thank you our viewers our listeners thank you let's uh take the 100 countries we've reached and let's make that 300 and let's take those thousand cities across the world and let's make that 3000 I know we can do it we can do it with with your help thank you for watching and listening and thank you to Kathy Picard please check her books out on amazon.com in the United States or your local uh country that you may be tuning in from so until next time please be a voice for you or somebody in need bye bye bye.