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Should You Sign Up Your Daughter For a Club Sports Team? · Raising Daughters

0:12
Speaker 1: He little friends, Doctor Tim Jordan back here with you
0:15
Speaker 1: with a brand new podcast. And the school year is approaching,
0:21
Speaker 1: So I was thinking, what do I want to talk
0:23
Speaker 1: about today, especially anticipating the new school year, and also
0:28
Speaker 1: with the new school year becomes a new activity year,
0:32
Speaker 1: I e. What kind of activities are you going to
0:34
Speaker 1: sign up your daughter to do? What does she want
0:37
Speaker 1: to do, whether it's sports, activities, all kinds of things.
0:42
Speaker 1: There's so many kids today who I feel like are overscheduled.
0:46
Speaker 1: And I've talked about this before, how stressed they get
0:49
Speaker 1: because they have so little time to just breathe. And
0:54
Speaker 1: I started thinking about this topic also. I was thinking,
0:56
Speaker 1: maybe I have some selfish reasons why I want you
1:01
Speaker 1: guys to be really thinking hard about overly signing your
1:04
Speaker 1: kids up for all these club sports and things. I
1:07
Speaker 1: was thinking, you know, I've had a lot of girls.
1:10
Speaker 1: I saw one recently. I'd made her a bracelet this
1:12
Speaker 1: summer at camp. I saw her, I said, where's the
1:14
Speaker 1: brace that I made for you? And she said that
1:16
Speaker 1: her coach made her take it off. Now that may
1:20
Speaker 1: sound minor to you, if I worked hard on that bracelet,
1:23
Speaker 1: and even more so, I worked harder on doing her
1:26
Speaker 1: hair wrap. But also I think what girls are giving
1:31
Speaker 1: up because they spend so much time with one thing.
1:38
Speaker 1: I think it's really nice to ask your daughters, you know,
1:41
Speaker 1: why they like doing what they're doing. If they play soccer,
1:44
Speaker 1: they why they like soccer. If they're signing up for
1:47
Speaker 1: a theater, why they like theater, And to ask him
1:51
Speaker 1: why they're doing what they're doing. I've told you this
1:55
Speaker 1: story a long time ago in a podcast about Mia Ham,
2:00
Speaker 1: famous female soccer player, and she went to the University
2:05
Speaker 1: of North Carolina and her coach every year antson durance.
2:08
Speaker 1: Every year he'd meet with all of his players, and
2:12
Speaker 1: before MIA's sophomore season at the University of North Carolina,
2:16
Speaker 1: he surprised her with a question. He said, what do
2:18
Speaker 1: you want? And Mia was kind of taken aback and
2:23
Speaker 1: she was struggling to find answer. As you can imagine
2:26
Speaker 1: she might, She's like, well, I So her coach walked
2:30
Speaker 1: over to the light switch in the room. He turned
2:33
Speaker 1: off the lights, then he turned them back on, and
2:35
Speaker 1: then he said to Mia, it's just a decision, but
2:39
Speaker 1: you have to make it each and every day. And
2:42
Speaker 1: then he very wisely closed his mouth and he walked
2:45
Speaker 1: out of the room and left Mia to grapple with
2:48
Speaker 1: what is my truth? Like most young adults, me had
2:52
Speaker 1: never really taken the time to get quiet, to go inward,
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Speaker 1: to figure out what she wanted, what was important to her,
3:01
Speaker 1: what was right for her. So she did some soul
3:05
Speaker 1: searching for probably the first time in her life, and
3:07
Speaker 1: she decided that she really did want to play soccer,
3:10
Speaker 1: and she wanted to be the best at her sport.
3:12
Speaker 1: And she realized that she had choose between mediocrity and
3:16
Speaker 1: excellence and that it was just a decision, but you
3:19
Speaker 1: have to make it every single day. Like her coach's
3:22
Speaker 1: light switch, Metaboar had shown her sona for the first
3:26
Speaker 1: time in her life, really dedicated herself to put in
3:29
Speaker 1: the work to attain her goal. She had gotten by
3:32
Speaker 1: a lot of talent in the past, and the results
3:35
Speaker 1: were amazing because if you fast forward when she finally retired,
3:40
Speaker 1: she was considered the best female soccer player in history.
3:45
Speaker 1: But first she had to decide for herself. So maybe
3:49
Speaker 1: sit down and have been discussion with your daughters a
3:52
Speaker 1: couple of things. First, ask them what they like about
3:54
Speaker 1: their activity, whatever that may be. And then if they
3:58
Speaker 1: say I don't know, I'd say, well, think about it,
4:00
Speaker 1: and maybe you get to leave her with it, like
4:03
Speaker 1: mia Ham's coach did and regroup a little while later
4:06
Speaker 1: and said, you come up with anything. Why do you
4:08
Speaker 1: like your sports so much? Why do you like your
4:10
Speaker 1: activity so much? Why do you like playing guitar so much?
4:13
Speaker 1: Why do you like theaters so much? And listen to
4:16
Speaker 1: her talk about this is why I think I like it,
4:21
Speaker 1: And I also have a conversation about what's really important,
4:25
Speaker 1: not just for your daughter, but for the whole family. Like,
4:29
Speaker 1: for instance, I have a lot of kids who, even
4:31
Speaker 1: if they like their sport, they would like to have
4:33
Speaker 1: more time with their friends, more downtime to relax and
4:38
Speaker 1: to do other things, more time for their family, time
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Speaker 1: to follow their passions. A lot of the girls who
4:48
Speaker 1: want to come to my high school group, which meets
4:50
Speaker 1: every two weeks, they say, I would love to come,
4:52
Speaker 1: but I can't do it because my coach won't let me,
4:56
Speaker 1: which really grinds and me to a halt. But I
5:01
Speaker 1: think it'd be important to take some time to think,
5:05
Speaker 1: to think in this in these terms, to set intentions together,
5:08
Speaker 1: to ask your daughter what she really wants, because if
5:12
Speaker 1: she values some time with her friends and some downtime
5:15
Speaker 1: to relax and to follow other interests. Then you have
5:18
Speaker 1: to make some tough choices about which sports team, for instance,
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Speaker 1: which sport coach. There's some coaches who are more easy going,
5:26
Speaker 1: there's some coaches who are not. And so I think
5:30
Speaker 1: you don't want to overschedule her no matter what in
5:32
Speaker 1: my mind, So screen the coaches ask questions. Ask parents
5:36
Speaker 1: who may have been on a team with this coach before,
5:40
Speaker 1: and ask if he this he or she is open
5:42
Speaker 1: to their kids having some time off. Get the parents
5:48
Speaker 1: together and ask what they all want, because most parents
5:51
Speaker 1: want to have family time in downtime, So they may
5:53
Speaker 1: have to go together to the coach and say, look,
5:56
Speaker 1: I know what you're saying, and here's what we're saying
5:58
Speaker 1: we want. There's so many overused injuries in our girls
6:03
Speaker 1: today because their bodies are not getting adequate breaks from
6:08
Speaker 1: the activity from their sports. They need seasons off, not
6:12
Speaker 1: like a week off, not two weeks off, but a season.
6:15
Speaker 1: Maybe they play soccer in the fall, then they need
6:17
Speaker 1: the winter off to do nothing or to play another
6:20
Speaker 1: sport which uses different muscles. And you think about what's
6:26
Speaker 1: really driving this huge push for these club sports. And
6:31
Speaker 1: one of the things I think that is probably true
6:33
Speaker 1: is that there's such a increase in how much college
6:39
Speaker 1: costs today, and a lot of parents have this dream,
6:43
Speaker 1: but the daughter can get a college scholarship, this dream
6:46
Speaker 1: of a free college if you will. If you look
6:49
Speaker 1: at all the kids who are playing high school sports,
6:53
Speaker 1: guess what percentage of them go on to play in
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Speaker 1: the NCAA at that level US is three to five percent.
7:02
Speaker 1: Three to five percent of all high school athletes are
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Speaker 1: able to play at the NCAA level that includes Division one, two,
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Speaker 1: and three. And if all those kids who play, only
7:15
Speaker 1: one percent receive an athletic scholarship. If all those kids
7:20
Speaker 1: who are playing high school sports, what percentage of them
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Speaker 1: make it to the professional level? The answer is point
7:27
Speaker 1: zero three to point zero point five percent. Point zero
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Speaker 1: three to point five percent of high school athletes make
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Speaker 1: it to the professional level. Are the ones who could
7:37
Speaker 1: do get to play in college? What percentage of them
7:40
Speaker 1: are on full rides? The answer is about one percent.
7:43
Speaker 1: One percent get a full ride, you have a much
7:50
Speaker 1: better chance of getting more money and more more full
7:53
Speaker 1: scholarships academically than you would athletically. A lot of parents,
7:58
Speaker 1: starting when their kids are young, are so intense with
8:01
Speaker 1: the activities. I have parents tell me all the time
8:05
Speaker 1: in my office, and they want to give their kids
8:07
Speaker 1: a head start, they want to give their kids an edge,
8:10
Speaker 1: they want to give their kids a leg up. And
8:13
Speaker 1: so this early specialization that happens, and coaches push the
8:17
Speaker 1: same thing. By the time kids are seven, eight nine,
8:20
Speaker 1: a lot of coaches are telling their parents, you know,
8:22
Speaker 1: your kids should just focus on this sport, which I
8:26
Speaker 1: think is a is which I think is bad advice.
8:30
Speaker 1: So college scholarships early specialization. Even though it's interesting that
8:38
Speaker 1: there's a study done a few years ago of two
8:41
Speaker 1: or ninety six Division IE male and female athletes, and
8:47
Speaker 1: the researchers found that eighty eight percent of these college
8:51
Speaker 1: athletes played an average of two to three sports as kids.
8:55
Speaker 1: They didn't hyper specialize especially early on. That's the truth.
9:02
Speaker 1: That's not the truth. Isn't that you need to play
9:04
Speaker 1: one sports. The truth doesn't need to play lots of
9:06
Speaker 1: sports sports, not just sports, but they need a range
9:09
Speaker 1: of activities follow their interests. It helps her find out
9:13
Speaker 1: what she really likes, what she loves to do, what
9:17
Speaker 1: fulfills her, what happens for a lot of kids is
9:21
Speaker 1: they're pushed to decide early on, before they even know
9:24
Speaker 1: who they are and what they really like. So don't
9:29
Speaker 1: rush to specialize your daughter before she learns about herself,
9:34
Speaker 1: before she learns how to access her gut intuition, to
9:38
Speaker 1: know herself, to be able to listen to her her inttuition.
9:42
Speaker 1: What is my gut telling me about what I want
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Speaker 1: to do? It's hard to do that. If you're doing
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Speaker 1: one thing, you know, constantly, five six days a week,
9:52
Speaker 1: there's no time to think and to bring to think
9:55
Speaker 1: about think for yourself. There's no time to daydream. Kids
10:01
Speaker 1: are drawn spontaneously to things that engage them, activities areas
10:06
Speaker 1: that consume them. Those kind of things, those activities that
10:09
Speaker 1: consume them, consume them, become intrinsically rewarding. They don't need
10:14
Speaker 1: a prize, they don't need a trophy because they're totally
10:17
Speaker 1: engaged in what they love to do. They lose themselves.
10:22
Speaker 1: We talk about flow. It's an important concept. There's some
10:26
Speaker 1: good questions you can ask your daughters about their activities,
10:29
Speaker 1: or even not about their activities, but about themselves. What
10:32
Speaker 1: are they most drawn to? What kind of activities do
10:36
Speaker 1: they do voluntarily? What are they good at, what do
10:41
Speaker 1: they have a talent for, what absorbs them the most,
10:45
Speaker 1: what puts them in the zone. That'd be a very
10:48
Speaker 1: important questions to ask your daughter what moments have produced
10:53
Speaker 1: flow flowers where you know, flowers where you're totally invested,
10:57
Speaker 1: totally engage whatever you're doing. You lose time. Where were
11:03
Speaker 1: they when they were inflow? What were they working on?
11:05
Speaker 1: What were they doing, who were they with? The context matters.
11:10
Speaker 1: Those are some things I want your daughter to learn
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Speaker 1: about herself when they're kids, before they become hyper specialized
11:18
Speaker 1: and focus on one thing, and even adults usually don't
11:21
Speaker 1: focus on one thing. Again. Kids are drawn spontaneously to
11:28
Speaker 1: things that engage them, things that fulfill them, things they
11:31
Speaker 1: have a passion for. There's a wonderful quote by Howard
11:35
Speaker 1: Thurman that goes like this, don't ask what the world needs,
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Speaker 1: Ask what makes you come alive? And go and do that,
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Speaker 1: because what the world really needs is people who have
11:47
Speaker 1: come alive. Let me see that again. Don't ask what
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Speaker 1: the world needs, ask what makes you come alive, and
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Speaker 1: go and do that, because what the world really needs
11:58
Speaker 1: is people who have come alive. I think that's an
12:01
Speaker 1: amazing quote. Kyle Snyder was an Olympic wrestler. He won
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Speaker 1: gold medals in the summer of twenty sixteen Olympics. He's
12:11
Speaker 1: the youngest Olympic wrestling champion, by the way, in US history,
12:16
Speaker 1: and this twenty year old said after the Olympics, I think,
12:19
Speaker 1: if anything, my secret to my success is that instead
12:23
Speaker 1: of thinking about winning and thinking about gold medals and
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Speaker 1: things like that, I try to value just my effort.
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Speaker 1: I value my improvement and most of all, I value
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Speaker 1: the love I have for the sport. Kyle Snyder knows
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Speaker 1: himself that's what drives him to be the best quote unquote.
12:43
Speaker 1: I saw a girl, a sixteen year old who was
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Speaker 1: a synchronized skater. I asked her what she loved about
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Speaker 1: skating and synchronized skating. She said she loved the feeling
12:52
Speaker 1: of the competition. She said, when I'm doing it, I
12:56
Speaker 1: feel so alive. It feels like I'm flying. I get
12:59
Speaker 1: this incredible drenaline rush. She said, I also love how
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Speaker 1: the team feels like one We're all working for each other.
13:07
Speaker 1: And then she also added at the end, what I
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Speaker 1: don't like is when the coaches give us negative reinforcement.
13:13
Speaker 1: There's very little positive reinforcement in this sport. And she said,
13:17
Speaker 1: every time the coach speaks like that to me, I
13:20
Speaker 1: die a little bit inside. Oh that broke my heart.
13:25
Speaker 1: Broke my heart because a lot of coaches in those
13:28
Speaker 1: even those little kid leagues, get so intense because there's
13:32
Speaker 1: so much energy and pressure about winning championships. Don't pick
13:37
Speaker 1: that kind of coach. Another good story Betty Davis, the actress.
13:43
Speaker 1: She said she remember when she was seven years old
13:45
Speaker 1: and playing Santa in the school play and she bumped
13:49
Speaker 1: into the real candles in the tree, which is what
13:51
Speaker 1: we did back in the day in her outfit. Her
13:54
Speaker 1: Santa Claus outfit caught on fire and she was screaming
13:57
Speaker 1: in terror. And she said she felt herself being wrapped
13:59
Speaker 1: in a rucku to kind of put the fire out,
14:02
Speaker 1: and when the rug was taken off, she decided to
14:05
Speaker 1: keep her eyes closed and make believes she was blind,
14:09
Speaker 1: and people started crying out, Oh my god, her eyes,
14:11
Speaker 1: her eyes, and she said, I remember a shudder of
14:14
Speaker 1: delight went through me. I was in complete control, complete
14:19
Speaker 1: command of that moment. That's what Beaty Davis learned to
14:23
Speaker 1: love about acting, being in command of the moment, being
14:28
Speaker 1: fully present if you will. I saw a study one time.
14:34
Speaker 1: It was done at a British music boarding school. So
14:38
Speaker 1: these exceptional students came from families where they found where
14:42
Speaker 1: they found that these kids they found were not coming
14:45
Speaker 1: from families where they started at a young age. They had.
14:49
Speaker 1: These kids that made into the boarding school of exceptional
14:52
Speaker 1: students had fewer lessons. Prior to entering school. They practiced
14:56
Speaker 1: a lot less. Every average player had had large amounts
15:01
Speaker 1: of structured less in time early on, not the best,
15:05
Speaker 1: but the average ones. The best ones had played three
15:08
Speaker 1: instruments evenly. They went through a sampling period that was
15:11
Speaker 1: really really important to them. Many of the best musicians
15:15
Speaker 1: were self taught and never learned to read music. They
15:19
Speaker 1: experimented more, they tried the same sound in different places.
15:24
Speaker 1: I've read lots of biographies and about the Beatles and
15:27
Speaker 1: lots of rock and roll artists, and one of the
15:29
Speaker 1: things that really surprised me when I first started reading
15:32
Speaker 1: about it was that most of the artists in that day,
15:35
Speaker 1: in the sixties seventies, and I think it's true today
15:37
Speaker 1: as well. The Beatles, the Stones, Paul Simon could not
15:41
Speaker 1: read music. Eric Clapton could not read music. A lot
15:46
Speaker 1: of them came from working class homes. They couldn't afford lessons,
15:50
Speaker 1: so they would make their own guitars sometimes and they
15:53
Speaker 1: would listen to the radio and they would teach themselves
15:55
Speaker 1: how to play those songs. Paul Simon, as an adult,
15:59
Speaker 1: was tea reaching songwriting classes in New York City. Couldn't
16:03
Speaker 1: read music, but what they could do was they could
16:06
Speaker 1: follow their passion. We went through a period of time
16:10
Speaker 1: in the last ten years where we are really obsessed
16:13
Speaker 1: with the concept of grit. Do your kids have grit?
16:17
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying I don't think that can be important,
16:20
Speaker 1: But instead of asking whether or not your child has grit,
16:25
Speaker 1: I would ask instead when and where and with whom
16:29
Speaker 1: they show grit and focus and passion and in what
16:33
Speaker 1: those places and what places are they fulfilled. But maybe
16:37
Speaker 1: more important than having it is where they have it,
16:40
Speaker 1: what's the context that brings it out in them? Because
16:43
Speaker 1: a lot of kids have plenty of grit when they're
16:46
Speaker 1: doing what they choose, when they are doing what they want,
16:49
Speaker 1: when they're doing what they love and they have a
16:50
Speaker 1: passion for, and that fulfills them. A lot of kids
16:54
Speaker 1: will stick with things a lot more when they are
16:56
Speaker 1: the ones driving the boat, not being made by their parents,
17:00
Speaker 1: are doing it to please their parents. And for that
17:02
Speaker 1: kind of thing, I've seen a lot of kids who
17:07
Speaker 1: start doing things that are kind of against the grain.
17:10
Speaker 1: They're not taking the straight line path which our culture
17:13
Speaker 1: these days is pounding into kids. My son TJ. Was
17:17
Speaker 1: one of them when he when he finished college, really
17:23
Speaker 1: didn't know what he wanted to do, and so he
17:26
Speaker 1: worked for a year, saved money, and then he he
17:29
Speaker 1: bought a backpack, and he bought some hiking shoes and
17:34
Speaker 1: he bought a ukulele and he took off from New Zealand.
17:38
Speaker 1: Now let me let me get back back water back
17:41
Speaker 1: check a little bit. TJ had taught himself to play
17:44
Speaker 1: guitar in high school, never had one lesson. He pulled
17:47
Speaker 1: down tabs and he taught himself just like Paul Simon
17:50
Speaker 1: and and the Beatles and McCartney and Eric Clapton did.
17:54
Speaker 1: He's obviously not like that, but he but he taught himself,
17:57
Speaker 1: which was amazing, and he didn't give up. He was
18:00
Speaker 1: fully engaged and he ended up being a good player.
18:03
Speaker 1: So he brought this ukulele just because he gets trapped
18:06
Speaker 1: on the back of his backpack and his light, and
18:08
Speaker 1: he went to New Zealand. And he had no plans
18:10
Speaker 1: other that I'm just gonna walk hike around and I
18:14
Speaker 1: just need some time off to think. He actually was
18:17
Speaker 1: gone for a year. He hiked all over to New Zealand,
18:20
Speaker 1: he hit shiked, He ran out of money, so he
18:23
Speaker 1: stopped for a month. He picked fruit in an orchard.
18:26
Speaker 1: He backpacked some more, then he went to Australia, worked
18:28
Speaker 1: at the high end seafood restaurant, saved some money. He
18:32
Speaker 1: got his scuba license at the Great Barrier Reef. And
18:37
Speaker 1: I remember while he was gone, some of our friends
18:40
Speaker 1: and people would hear about his adventure and they were
18:43
Speaker 1: They would ask us, aren't you worried about him being
18:46
Speaker 1: gone that long? I mean, he's I think he was
18:49
Speaker 1: twenty three at that point. Don't you think he should
18:51
Speaker 1: get back, you know, kind of you know, start grinding
18:54
Speaker 1: it out. And we said what he was doing was invaluable.
18:59
Speaker 1: He was learning who he was. It's hard to know
19:01
Speaker 1: what you want to do if you don't know who
19:02
Speaker 1: you are. One of our camp counselors left yesterday for
19:08
Speaker 1: I think four weeks, and she and a friend are
19:11
Speaker 1: walking the El Camino Trail in Spain. She's always wanted
19:14
Speaker 1: to do it. She's an adventurous young woman. She loves
19:18
Speaker 1: being outdoors, she loves hiking. She thinks she wants to
19:21
Speaker 1: be an organic farmer. She's on a couple of trips
19:24
Speaker 1: after high school where she did woofing. Woofing is stands
19:28
Speaker 1: for a world organization of organic farmers. There's places all
19:33
Speaker 1: over the world you can go and volunteer your services
19:36
Speaker 1: and work for a month at a farm, and you
19:39
Speaker 1: get free room and board. Don't you get to go
19:41
Speaker 1: to like countries that are kind of cool. She learned
19:44
Speaker 1: how to to make not to make, to raise bees,
19:48
Speaker 1: to make honey. She worked at two other places, one
19:50
Speaker 1: in Hawaii, in one and I think it was in Vermont.
19:55
Speaker 1: And so she's been learning a lot that's just about making,
20:00
Speaker 1: but also about herself and what she wants and what
20:04
Speaker 1: makes her tick and what she might want to do
20:06
Speaker 1: at this point in her life. Not her whole life maybe,
20:09
Speaker 1: but at this point in her life. I don't worry
20:11
Speaker 1: about young people like that. I am so proud of her.
20:15
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of what my son did. They veered
20:18
Speaker 1: off the scripted trail to do where I think most
20:23
Speaker 1: young people, all young people should do, which is find yourself,
20:26
Speaker 1: do things that the experiment, do different things, acquire a
20:30
Speaker 1: breadth of experience that will help you discover who you
20:34
Speaker 1: are and what you want and what you want to
20:36
Speaker 1: do at this point in your life. In our in
20:40
Speaker 1: a middle school camp this summer and also the high
20:42
Speaker 1: school camp this summer, I was so surprised, Well, I
20:47
Speaker 1: wasn't surprised because I've heard before, but I was taken
20:50
Speaker 1: aback again by how stressed out these young people are today.
20:54
Speaker 1: These are middle school girls and high school girls, with
20:58
Speaker 1: how scared they were about being behind and being behind
21:03
Speaker 1: by in their mind was I don't know what I
21:05
Speaker 1: want to do with my life. I don't know if
21:07
Speaker 1: I want to go to college, if I go to college,
21:09
Speaker 1: what I want to study, what I want my career
21:11
Speaker 1: to be. And so I'm behind, and they're all stressed
21:13
Speaker 1: out like they should know, they should have their whole
21:16
Speaker 1: life figured out because the educational system is pushing kids
21:21
Speaker 1: to know those things early on. You'd know what math
21:25
Speaker 1: you should be taking in middle school, so you would
21:28
Speaker 1: know what math you can take in high school because
21:29
Speaker 1: you might want to become an account. If you want
21:31
Speaker 1: to become account, you got to take ap count blah
21:33
Speaker 1: blah blah. And so it's like what I'm in seventh grade.
21:36
Speaker 1: I don't know if I want to be an account.
21:38
Speaker 1: I may like math, I may not. I may be
21:41
Speaker 1: good in math, may not like it. But they're being
21:44
Speaker 1: pushed to know, you know, talk to your daughters about that.
21:49
Speaker 1: See if they have any worries about that. There's any
21:51
Speaker 1: pressure on them at school, even amongst their friends. And
21:57
Speaker 1: I had all the girls close their eyes this high school.
22:01
Speaker 1: I said, if you feel like you're really behind your
22:04
Speaker 1: peers when it comes to knowing what you want to
22:05
Speaker 1: do with your life, raise your hand. And then I
22:10
Speaker 1: said everybody open your eyes. And every hand was in
22:13
Speaker 1: the air. I said, if everybody is worried that they're behind,
22:18
Speaker 1: what might that tell you? I e. Maybe you're not,
22:23
Speaker 1: And in my mind, of course not behind. You're not
22:25
Speaker 1: supposed to know what you want to do with your
22:27
Speaker 1: life when you're fourteen, sixteen, eighteen, maybe when you're twenty
22:31
Speaker 1: twenty two. There are a lot of people who get
22:33
Speaker 1: a degree in college and end up doing something that's
22:35
Speaker 1: not what their major was because they never really learned
22:39
Speaker 1: who they were. I read a really good book I've
22:42
Speaker 1: told you about before, called dark Horse, and I would
22:47
Speaker 1: strongly encourage you to read that book. It's called dark Horse,
22:51
Speaker 1: Achieving Success to the Pursuit of Fulfillments by Todd Rose.
22:56
Speaker 1: And here's a quote from his book. So it's important
23:01
Speaker 1: to become focused on here's who I am at this moment.
23:05
Speaker 1: Here are my motivations. Now, here's what I found I'd
23:09
Speaker 1: love to do, Here's why I'd like to learn, and
23:13
Speaker 1: here are some opportunities, and which one of these is
23:15
Speaker 1: the best match for right now? To answer those questions,
23:20
Speaker 1: he says, after a while, you may switch because you
23:22
Speaker 1: may find something better or a better match, because not
23:27
Speaker 1: necessarily because that's a better match, because you're different. You've
23:31
Speaker 1: grown up, your interests have grown, you become more aware
23:36
Speaker 1: of what you love to do and what fulfills you.
23:40
Speaker 1: And his quote in the book was, harness your individuality
23:45
Speaker 1: in the pursuit of fulfillment to achieve excellence. That's a
23:49
Speaker 1: pretty full sentence, Harness your individuality in the pursuit of
23:54
Speaker 1: fulfillment to achieve excellence. I would encourage you to have
23:59
Speaker 1: your daughters experience a breath of trainings a breath of activities,
24:05
Speaker 1: a breath of sports, of classes, of things outside of school.
24:10
Speaker 1: I would tell them to Father God that says, this
24:12
Speaker 1: seems like fun. I don't know what it's going to
24:15
Speaker 1: mean in my life, but for right now, it just
24:17
Speaker 1: seems like something I want to do. I tried it.
24:20
Speaker 1: I really like doing it, so I'd say good for you.
24:23
Speaker 1: Do that. And if six months later they're like, I'm
24:26
Speaker 1: done with this, I don't know it's not doing it
24:28
Speaker 1: for me anymore, I say good for you. You learn something
24:30
Speaker 1: about you and your interests and your passions. Encourage young
24:37
Speaker 1: people to do what's needed and what they're drawn to
24:41
Speaker 1: at the time. Maybe the only plan is to do
24:44
Speaker 1: what's interesting and what is what you have a passion
24:48
Speaker 1: for and maybe what's needed at that moment in your life.
24:51
Speaker 1: And it's okay if it changes. As I wrap up
24:55
Speaker 1: your another suggestion I have for you with your dog.
25:00
Speaker 1: I encourage young people all the time in my counseling
25:03
Speaker 1: practice and the camps to interview adults as many as
25:08
Speaker 1: they can, have a cup of coffee with people, and
25:12
Speaker 1: especially adults who maybe are doing things that the young
25:15
Speaker 1: person thinks might be interesting. To start collecting people's stories
25:19
Speaker 1: and perspectives and ask those adults how did you get here?
25:25
Speaker 1: And if they love what they're doing, say when did
25:27
Speaker 1: you find that thing? And how did you find it?
25:31
Speaker 1: And if they interview ten adults, they're going to get
25:34
Speaker 1: ten stories, especially if they're interviewing people who didn't follow
25:38
Speaker 1: the scripted path and who are doing something that they're
25:43
Speaker 1: happy with, they're fulfilled by. So interview adults, read biographies,
25:49
Speaker 1: read books. There's so many good books out there. I'll
25:53
Speaker 1: put a couple of links in the show notes to
25:56
Speaker 1: some books. I would recommend. One of them, by the way,
25:59
Speaker 1: is is called The Element by Ken Robinson. He's a
26:03
Speaker 1: British guy. He has he had as of a few
26:06
Speaker 1: years ago, the number one read ted talk of all
26:09
Speaker 1: time and The Element. In his book, The Element is
26:12
Speaker 1: about how do you find what you love to do
26:15
Speaker 1: when you're in your element? If you will. He's got
26:17
Speaker 1: some wonderful story system, some famous people and some just
26:21
Speaker 1: other people and walks of life. But how they found
26:23
Speaker 1: their thing be a good book for your teenager to
26:26
Speaker 1: read and for you as well. So early sampling diversity
26:32
Speaker 1: in their experiences, a breadth of experience, delaying the specialization
26:39
Speaker 1: think broadly, try different things, go through a sampling period,
26:43
Speaker 1: figure out who you are and what you love to do,
26:46
Speaker 1: what you're passionate about, what fulfills you. And then and
26:50
Speaker 1: then just keep following that same prescription all along the way.
26:55
Speaker 1: And that is true when you're forty and sixty acres.
26:58
Speaker 1: You will be different then, and your interests be different then.
27:01
Speaker 1: But just keep following your gut and what your gut
27:05
Speaker 1: is saying, I love doing this, this is what I
27:07
Speaker 1: want to do right now. So before the school year starts,
27:12
Speaker 1: before the club sports season starts, have some conversations. Listen
27:17
Speaker 1: a lot to what your daughters are saying, what they love,
27:19
Speaker 1: what they want, what they want to do, and why.
27:23
Speaker 1: Ask them why, and then set some intentions for the
27:26
Speaker 1: fall and for the start of the school year, so
27:30
Speaker 1: that they are in charge of what they're doing. They're
27:34
Speaker 1: doing it for their reasons. It'll make all the difference
27:37
Speaker 1: in the world and how engaged they'll be in that thing.
27:42
Speaker 1: As always, please pass these podcasts on to your friends,
27:44
Speaker 1: especially if I have friends who have a daughter who's
27:46
Speaker 1: in middle school or high school or college. Read some
27:51
Speaker 1: of those books I'll put in the show notes. You'll
27:54
Speaker 1: find those at my website at www dot dr tim
27:58
Speaker 1: Jordan dot com the podcast page and you'll find those.
28:03
Speaker 1: I'll be back here in a week with a brand
28:04
Speaker 1: new topic and a brand new podcast. Thank you so much,
28:07
Speaker 1: as always for stopping by.