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KEEP the Promises You Make to YOURSELF (S5) S40:E3 Monday · Inspirations for Your Life

0:23
Well, there Hello, everyone, and welcome to the
0:26
ever popular inspirations for your life show.
0:30
If this is your very first time joining
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me, folks, I want to take the opportunity
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to say welcome and you know I want
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to say the words thank you from the
0:38
bottom of my heart.
0:40
I do say thank you and I do
0:41
say welcome.
0:42
If you've been here one time, five times,
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10 times, 100 or maybe even more, I'd
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like to say the words welcome back to
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you because I always appreciate people that enjoy
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the quality and content of the information that
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I produce here.
0:55
So I really, really do appreciate you choosing
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to attend the show and hopefully make this
1:03
part of your life because I try to
1:06
give you insights on how to become a
1:08
better version of yourself.
1:10
And I think that's what hopefully matters to
1:13
a lot of people, right?
1:15
How do you actually become better?
1:17
And, you know, the thing what a lot
1:20
of people don't realize is that it comes
1:24
from your mind, OK, and your thoughts become
1:31
reality.
1:32
OK, they become reality.
1:34
I mean, that's really the honest, honest truth.
1:37
So if you've been here before or not,
1:41
I would definitely like you to check out
1:43
Believe Me Achieve.com, of course, for more
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of my amazing, inspiring creations.
1:48
All right, guys, if you're thirsty, if you're
1:50
hungry, feel free to go grab something.
1:52
I just had a delicious bowl of fresh
1:55
fruit and about six ounces of strawberry yogurt,
1:58
which was out of this world.
1:59
And I typically do that trick, you know,
2:03
when when I've had a very big lunch
2:05
today, I was at the greenhouse and I
2:07
had a delicious pumpkin soup.
2:10
And then after that, I'm very grateful to
2:12
have a little mini panini, maybe about not
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small, maybe like a maybe like a four
2:19
by four or four by five.
2:20
And it was really good with mozzarella cheese
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and some there's a basket of French fries.
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And then I had a chocolate torte with
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a little bit of ice cream, not even
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I'm going to say a tablespoon or two.
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And it was standing upright like a triangle
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instead of down like the way cake is.
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So I thought that was kind of interesting.
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So, guys, let's get into this show, shall
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we?
2:44
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to another
2:47
great episode of the ever popular inspirations for
2:50
your live show.
2:51
Who am I?
2:51
I'm John C.
2:52
Morley.
2:53
I'm a serial entrepreneur, engineer and marketing specialist,
2:55
video producer, podcast host, coach, keynote speaker, graduate
2:59
student at Montgomery State University, a passionate lifelong
3:02
learner.
3:03
And yes, so grateful now to be a
3:05
published author.
3:07
Our week's master topic is your actions are
3:09
telling the truth about you.
3:10
It's series five show 40.
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This is episode number three.
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Today is Monday.
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It is September 28th.
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It is the last Monday in our month
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for twenty twenty six.
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And our topic is stop making promises to
3:25
yourself.
3:27
You keep breaking.
3:28
Think about that for just a moment.
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We talk about keeping our word to other
3:33
people.
3:34
But what happens when the person we repeatedly
3:37
disappoint is ourselves?
3:40
We matter to guys.
3:41
Every time you tell yourself you're going to
3:44
do something, you're making a commitment.
3:46
And over time, your actions teach you whether
3:49
your own word means something or not.
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So let's get into those 30 points so
3:55
we can get more clarity on this.
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Every promise to yourself affects your own self
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-trust when you consistently follow through, you create
4:06
evidence that you can rely on yourself.
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Yes, you.
4:10
Number one, when you repeatedly make promises and
4:13
ignore them, you create different evidence and self
4:17
-trust is built through what you repeatedly demonstrate.
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So it's not just about other people need
4:21
to trust you.
4:22
You need to trust yourself, too.
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Yes, that's very important.
4:25
If your mind and body sees that you
4:27
don't trust yourself, it's not going to want
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to cooperate for you.
4:30
Number two, stop casually committing to things you
4:35
won't ever do.
4:36
Be careful with your commitments.
4:39
Saying yes to everything doesn't make you ambitious
4:41
or courteous.
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Sometimes it simply guarantees that something will be
4:45
neglected and that you might enter burnout, unfortunately.
4:49
Number three, make fewer promises and keep more
4:53
of them.
4:54
Yeah, that's a real concept.
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Quality matters more than quantity.
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Three commitments you actually complete are more valuable
5:04
than 20 promises you're going to abandon.
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A lot of people think it's admirable to
5:09
make so many commitments, but then what happens
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is.
5:14
You don't achieve any of them, I think
5:16
that's a really that's a really big problem.
5:18
Number four, be specific about what you're committing
5:23
to.
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I'll work on it is difficult to measure.
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What exactly are you going to do?
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When will you do it?
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What does completion look like specifically creating clarity?
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Like a lot of times I say I'm
5:36
going to study.
5:37
So now I put a little more emphasis
5:39
and say, okay, I'm going to study at
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least one chapter.
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I'm going to do some online flashcards for
5:44
one chapter at least.
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Number five, vague goals, create vague accountability.
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Makes sense, doesn't it?
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If you never define success, you continually move
5:58
the finish line, give yourself something measurable.
6:01
So, you know, whether you followed through or
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not.
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Number six, put a deadline on what matters.
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A deadline creates a decision point.
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Instead of saying someday choose when now deadlines
6:16
don't matter.
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Turn intentions into commitments that have somewhere to
6:21
live.
6:22
Number seven, don't promise tomorrow what you can
6:27
begin today.
6:28
You don't necessarily have to finish today, but
6:31
you can because you can begin one phone
6:36
call, one paragraph, one application, one workout, one
6:40
conversation begins change the relationship you have with
6:46
the goal will change and you'll get there
6:48
quicker.
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Number eight, stop repeatedly moving your own deadlines.
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People do this all the time.
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They feel, well, you know, I can move
6:58
the deadline.
6:59
It doesn't really matter.
7:00
I will move the deadline, but that's a
7:02
big problem guys.
7:04
Yeah.
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Sometimes deadlines generally need to change.
7:09
Life happens, but constantly moving a deadline because
7:13
you don't want to begin teaches you that
7:15
your own commitments are negotiable and your own
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commitments guys are not negotiable.
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That's the thing I want to share with
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you.
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Number nine, your excuses don't complete the tasks.
7:29
Um, an excuse may explain why something didn't
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happen.
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And sometimes that explanation is completely legitimate, but
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the task is still incomplete.
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Eventually you need a new action.
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Number 10, build commitments small enough to keep
7:45
don't underestimate small commitments.
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If you repeatedly fail at a giant commitment,
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reduce it until you can build consistency and
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momentum matters all the time.
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Number 11, prove reliability to yourself through repetition.
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See self-trust isn't created by one motivational
8:12
speech or action.
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It's built through evidence over time.
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Show up repeatedly.
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Every completed commitment becomes another piece of evidence
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for you.
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Number 12, one completed promise can rebuild momentum.
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You don't have to fix everything today.
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Complete one thing that completion can remind you
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that progress is still possible.
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Number 13, track what you actually do.
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Memory can be selective.
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Track your actions, write them down, use a
8:44
calendar checklist, journal, or whatever system works for
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you.
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Look at the evidence.
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This is really important guys.
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Look at the evidence.
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Number 14, please stop measuring yourself only by
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what you intend to do.
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Yeah.
9:02
Intentions matter guys.
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But this entire week is about actions telling
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the truth.
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Ask yourself what you completed.
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Not only what you hope to complete, that's
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a key, make commitments based on reality.
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Look at your actual schedule, energy, responsibilities, and
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resources.
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A realistic commitment isn't a weak commitment.
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It's one you have a legitimate chance of
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actually keeping.
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So why don't we pay attention to these
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things?
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I'll tell you why.
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It's because of that big thing, that ego,
9:34
it seems to get in the way.
9:36
And that ego causes us to act in
9:39
a manner that may not be necessarily appropriate.
9:42
Okay.
9:43
I think that's a big, um, problem for
9:46
us all to, you know, understand.
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And so look at your schedule, every responsibility
9:53
and resource.
9:54
A realistic commitment isn't a weak commitment.
9:56
It's one you have legitimate chances of keeping.
9:58
So let's keep that in frame.
10:00
I want to say that again, number 16,
10:02
don't overload yourself and call it ambition.
10:05
You're just going to burn out.
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Ambition is powerful, but overload can destroy execution.
10:11
You can want enormous things while still respecting
10:14
the fact that your time and energy have
10:17
limits.
10:19
They have limits.
10:21
Number 17, please leave room for unexpected problems.
10:26
If every minute of your schedule is committed,
10:28
one unexpected issue can destroy the entire plan.
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Like that.
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Give yourself some margin.
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Flexibility helps protect consistency.
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That's true.
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Number 18, know the difference between a goal
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and a wish.
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A wish says, I'd love for this to
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happen.
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A goal begins answering how, when, and what
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comes next.
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Give your aspiration structure.
10:58
Number 19, decide what you're willing to sacrifice.
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A lot of people aren't willing to sacrifice
11:06
anything, and then they just complain 24 seven.
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Every meaningful goal requires something.
11:15
Maybe it's time, it's convenience, it's entertainment, it's
11:19
money, or it's another opportunity.
11:22
Ask what you're realistically willing to exchange for
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the result you want.
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And that might take you some time to
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think about because you're like, I don't really
11:32
know what's going on.
11:33
I don't know how to do that.
11:35
And then, you know what you do?
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You say, you know what?
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I can't do this.
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So you decide I'm going to give up.
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That's not good guys.
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That's not good.
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Okay.
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That's a, that's a problem.
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When I say that to you guys, that's
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an absolute, absolute problem.
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All right.
12:00
Think about that first.
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Number 20, protect time for the commitments that
12:05
matter to you.
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If something matters, give it a place on
12:10
your calendar.
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Don't simply hope you'll find extra time.
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You won't.
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Important commitments usually need intentional space.
12:20
Number 21, stop saying yes when your schedule
12:23
says no.
12:26
The one that we need to know is
12:29
this one, because it's huge.
12:30
Before committing, look at what you've already committed
12:34
to.
12:35
Every yes consumes time.
12:37
Sometimes protecting an important commitment requires saying no
12:41
somewhere else.
12:43
And that takes really some dedication to do
12:49
that.
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It'll even take some uncomfortability.
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And I said that success lies not where
12:55
it's comfortable, but but where you get uncomfortable.
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Number 22, your world is important, but your
13:02
word to yourself should mean something.
13:05
Imagine reaching a point where you tell yourself,
13:08
I'm going to do this and actually believe
13:11
it.
13:13
That's what we're building.
13:14
It's credibility with yourself.
13:17
You're not doing this to impress others because
13:19
see, if you don't impress yourself, no one
13:21
else is ever going to want to work
13:22
with you or be around you.
13:24
All right.
13:24
It's the truth.
13:24
Number 23, we start quickly after missing a
13:28
commitment.
13:30
I'm not saying you're never going to miss
13:31
a commitment.
13:32
This, these things happen guys, but we don't
13:34
want to beat ourselves up on it.
13:36
And we also don't want to miss things
13:37
all the time.
13:38
I think that's a, I think that's a
13:40
real important thing.
13:41
You're going to miss something eventually, right?
13:44
I may too.
13:46
The objective isn't perfection.
13:48
The objective is reducing the amount of time
13:50
between falling off course and getting back on.
13:54
One mistake doesn't justify abandoning the goal.
13:58
Missing one workout doesn't erase your health goal.
14:01
Missing one writing session doesn't destroy your book.
14:05
A mistake is an event.
14:07
Don't turn into a life sentence or what
14:10
your identity now is because it's not your
14:12
identity.
14:13
And the feeling you're getting should be dropped.
14:16
It's not something you can just say, Hey,
14:17
you know, this happened to me and this
14:20
is who I am now.
14:21
No, it's who you were at the moment.
14:23
It's not who you are.
14:24
You're changing that.
14:28
All right.
14:28
Number 25, don't turn a bad day into
14:31
a bad month.
14:33
One difficult day can become an excuse for
14:35
tomorrow.
14:35
Then next week, then next month, interrupt that
14:38
pattern quickly.
14:39
Start again as soon as reasonably possible.
14:42
A story I want to share with you
14:43
is the person that gets up in the
14:44
morning, right?
14:45
They get up out of bed.
14:47
And the first thing they do is they
14:48
stub their toe and they say a few
14:51
choice four letter words.
14:53
And then they maybe take a shower and
14:57
then they burn themselves in the shower.
14:59
Like, Oh, there's some other choice words again,
15:01
right?
15:01
Maybe the same ones.
15:02
And then maybe they go for breakfast and
15:04
they're in the kitchen and they spill the
15:06
breakfast, the milk.
15:08
So now they're already dressed and they got
15:10
to get all, they got to get changed
15:12
again.
15:13
Now they're in traffic and now they're late
15:15
and they keep saying how their day is
15:17
just changing.
15:18
And now they get to the office.
15:19
They don't bother to call.
15:22
A client decides to show up unannounced.
15:27
And when he sees how the company's actually
15:31
run by this person, not being on time
15:34
and the way he doesn't even call that
15:37
he's going to be late, he decides that
15:39
this isn't the firm that he wants to
15:40
work with.
15:43
Don't let your whole day turn sour because
15:46
of one thing.
15:47
All right.
15:48
I bumped my hand.
15:49
I bumped my head.
15:50
I bumped my toe.
15:52
I broke a glass.
15:53
Okay.
15:54
The rest of my day is going to
15:56
be great.
15:56
Let's say it together, right?
15:57
Maybe you had a bad situation.
15:59
The rest of my day is going to
16:01
be great.
16:04
Again, I was in a parking lot and
16:07
maybe somebody decided to call your name.
16:10
Okay.
16:10
The rest of my day is going to
16:12
be great.
16:12
And it will, because your mind is going
16:14
to look for the good stuff.
16:15
We call it our RAS, Reticular Activating System.
16:18
Right.
16:19
So don't let one difficult day become your
16:22
life identity.
16:23
It's not, but you'll make it that if
16:26
you don't choose to change the belief and
16:29
what I call spiral down.
16:31
Number 26, build systems that make follow through
16:36
easier.
16:36
Motivation isn't always going to appear on schedule.
16:39
Sorry, guys.
16:40
Systems can help prepare what you need beforehand,
16:43
create reminders, establish routines, make the desired action
16:47
easier to begin.
16:50
Number 27, reduce the friction between intention and
16:54
action.
16:55
Ask what repeatedly prevents you from starting.
16:59
Can you remove a step, prepare something in
17:02
advance, eliminate distraction.
17:05
Sometimes progress comes from making action easier to
17:08
access easier.
17:11
I didn't say more comfortable.
17:15
Different does not mean painful.
17:18
Different means uncomfortable to a lot of people
17:21
because they don't know how to do it.
17:23
Number 28, celebrate completion more than announcement.
17:28
Talking about what you're going to do can
17:31
feel exciting, but completing it deserves the greater
17:34
celebration.
17:35
Train yourself to value finished work.
17:39
Number 29, become dependable to yourself first.
17:43
We often want other people to see us
17:45
as dependable.
17:47
That's important, but you also need to know
17:50
that you can depend on yourself, build that
17:53
relationship through action, repeated action, I should say.
17:57
And I think when we start to do
17:59
things over and over again, I'm like, wait
18:01
a minute, this is different now, I see
18:03
something different and that's when your life starts
18:06
to change.
18:06
You don't get this all at once.
18:08
It happens slowly.
18:12
Okay.
18:13
Number 30, keep enough promises to yourself that
18:17
you start believing yourself again.
18:19
This is what today's entire episode has been
18:23
slowly unwinding and building toward.
18:27
Imagine for a moment, everyone saying, I'm going
18:32
to do this and something inside you answers.
18:35
Yes, you are.
18:37
Not because you're trying to motivate yourself, but
18:41
because you have evidence, you've kept enough commitments
18:45
that your own words have credibility and remember
18:50
where we are in this week's journey.
18:53
You see, we all start at different places
18:56
in our life.
18:56
And I think for some people, they're like,
18:59
oh my gosh, how do I change this?
19:01
Right.
19:02
We started by recognizing that intentions alone don't
19:06
create results.
19:07
I'm sorry, guys.
19:08
It's starting point, but it's not going to
19:11
get you the whole way.
19:13
Then we explored why changing your mind can
19:16
represent growth when new information shows you a
19:19
better direction.
19:20
A lot of people are scared about changing
19:23
direction or their mind because they're like, well,
19:26
what are these people going to think of
19:26
me?
19:28
Doesn't matter.
19:28
And a lot of people will actually want
19:31
to keep you a certain way.
19:33
You know why?
19:33
Because it's more comfortable for them, right?
19:39
That's probably, uh, the most important thing, um,
19:46
to realize, okay.
19:48
It's the most important thing to realize, but
19:52
you've got to understand that.
19:54
Okay.
19:54
You've got to understand that.
19:56
And by understanding that your life can physically
19:59
change.
20:00
So very, very much.
20:04
All right.
20:05
Um, that's the key guys.
20:07
That's the key to life, right?
20:10
That's actually the key.
20:11
So today we're looking at the promises we
20:17
make to ourselves, right?
20:19
Sometimes we make too many, but we're not
20:21
intentional about these promises.
20:26
You know, and that's a big problem.
20:31
We've got to realize a promise we write
20:34
to ourselves is a commitment that we need
20:38
to uphold.
20:40
Not just because we have to, but because
20:42
we should want to do it because you
20:46
see ladies, gentlemen, your actions are telling the
20:48
truth about you.
20:49
That doesn't mean you need perfection.
20:51
Nobody follows through perfectly.
20:53
It means you become increasingly intentional about what
20:58
you promise in your life, what you schedule
21:02
and what you actually complete.
21:07
So here is your challenge for today.
21:10
Are you ready for it?
21:11
I know a lot of people just say,
21:12
oh, I'm just going to keep promising and
21:14
eventually it's going to work.
21:15
No, you're going to frustrate yourself.
21:17
I mean, like, why am I doing it
21:18
this way?
21:19
Right.
21:21
That's a big problem.
21:23
Why am I doing it this way?
21:25
And we're doing it this way for a
21:27
big reason, right?
21:33
We're doing this way for an important reason.
21:40
I think that's a, I think that's an
21:42
important piece that a lot of people, you
21:45
know, don't realize, but I think it's important.
21:48
So here's the challenge for today.
21:50
Okay.
21:51
Choose one promise you've been making to yourself.
21:54
Make it realistic.
21:56
Make it specific.
21:57
Give it a deadline.
21:59
Protect time for it.
22:01
Then go ahead and complete it.
22:04
And when you complete it, acknowledge what just
22:08
happened.
22:09
You kept your word to yourself.
22:11
Then go ahead and do it again.
22:17
Self-trust isn't built through one enormous declaration.
22:20
Many people think it is.
22:23
And if you live under that premise, you're
22:25
going to be highly disappointed.
22:28
Unfortunately.
22:30
It's built through repeat evidence that your words
22:34
and actions are becoming aligned.
22:37
Okay.
22:38
That's a real big word.
22:40
So let's go over to my friend Webster
22:42
and let's look up the word aligned.
22:46
All right.
22:47
What does aligned mean?
22:49
Well, according to a Webster, um, it's an
22:54
adjective, uh, Miriam Webster, having a height, size,
22:57
or location that is the same at all
23:00
points, the text was aligned along the margin,
23:05
right?
23:09
But what does it mean when we think
23:11
about the word aligned?
23:13
So a real simple way to think of
23:15
the word aligned, uh, because it might seem
23:18
to confuse a lot of people of, you
23:20
know, what it means or why do we
23:22
have that definition?
23:24
I think that's a, I think that's an
23:26
important piece is how do we, how do
23:28
we move forward?
23:29
You might've heard the term alignment, right?
23:33
Alignment, the act of aligning, right?
23:37
So I think a lot of people don't
23:42
realize how it works.
23:44
And it's the act of basically bringing the
23:47
alignment together, the forming a line, uh, the
23:51
line thus formed a ground plan, uh, an
23:54
arrangement of groups or forcing in relation to
23:57
one another over time, I said this to
24:01
you before, self-trust isn't built through one
24:04
enormous declaration.
24:05
If you think so, you're going to be
24:07
highly disappointed.
24:08
It's built through repeated evidence that your words
24:12
and actions are becoming aligned.
24:15
And if you broken promises yourself before the
24:18
story isn't finished just yet, start with one,
24:22
one commitment, one action, one completion, and then
24:27
guys build from there.
24:31
You see, eventually something powerful begins to happen.
24:36
When you start to tell yourself you're going
24:39
to do something, you stop rolling your eyes
24:42
internally.
24:43
You start beginning to believe yourself a chemical
24:50
reaction changes in your brain.
24:53
That's not just productivity.
24:57
That's trust in action.
24:59
And I know a lot of you listening
25:01
or watching the show and be like, well,
25:03
John, you don't get it.
25:04
No, I get it.
25:06
I think you're not giving yourself a chance
25:09
to be able to move forward.
25:10
I think that's the biggest challenge in our
25:12
life, right?
25:14
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm John C.
25:15
Morley, and this has been another powerful episode
25:18
of the ever popular inspirations for your life
25:20
show.
25:22
You know, I thank you so much for
25:24
choosing to spend this precious time with me
25:26
today.
25:26
I greatly appreciate it.
25:28
And I think hearing this stuff from maybe
25:31
another perspective may give you reason to want
25:36
to change, not because you have to change,
25:38
but because you want to change.
25:42
Remember, make fewer promises if necessary, but make
25:47
the promises you choose mean something.
25:51
Keep showing up, keep following through.
25:55
Restart quickly when things go wrong.
25:58
Build systems that support you and celebrate completion
26:02
more than announcements do.
26:05
You see, ladies and gentlemen, your actions are
26:07
creating evidence every single day.
26:09
You may not be aware of those actions,
26:12
but I can promise you they are definitely
26:14
creating actions in your life that other people
26:17
are seeing.
26:19
So what do I want you to do?
26:20
I want you to create enough of the
26:22
right evidence that you can look at yourself
26:25
in the mirror and know, hey, when I
26:28
give myself my word, I'm going to do
26:31
everything reasonably possible to keep it.
26:35
Do you do that?
26:36
Or do you just say, you know what?
26:38
I'm going to try, but it's just me.
26:39
So if I don't achieve it, I'll just
26:42
change the dates tomorrow.
26:43
You're hurting yourself and you are sabotaging yourself
26:48
each time you do it because your body's
26:50
like, you're not serious, you're playing around and
26:56
I don't work with people that play around.
27:01
If you do that, I'm not going to
27:04
help you.
27:05
I'm not going to be your support.
27:10
We have to remember, ladies and gentlemen, to
27:12
keep learning.
27:14
Okay.
27:14
That's important.
27:15
We have to keep growing.
27:18
We have to keep moving forward and we
27:22
have to keep becoming someone you yourself can
27:29
depend on.
27:30
I have a question for all of you.
27:31
Can you depend on yourself right now?
27:33
Or you're like, well, I don't know.
27:35
I wouldn't really count on myself.
27:38
If that's the answer you're giving yourself, I
27:40
think it's time you make a change because
27:44
the things that you want to get done
27:46
in life, guys, they're never going to happen.
27:50
You've got to start showing up for yourself,
27:54
showing that respect.
27:55
Your mind and body will return it.
27:58
All right, guys, have yourself a great rest
27:59
of your day or evening.
28:00
Be sure to check out BelieveMeAchieve.com for
28:01
my amazing, inspiring creations.
28:03
Take care, everyone.