Latest / DA CREW Podcast / BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY 2ND SUNDAY & 4TH THURSDAY WITH TRIVEDA HARRIS

Transcript

BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY 2ND SUNDAY & 4TH THURSDAY WITH TRIVEDA HARRIS · DA CREW Podcast

0:20
Speaker 1: Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.
1:10
Speaker 2: Good evening and welcome to Believe in the Journey podcast,
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Speaker 2: where I'm your host, Trebita Harris. I don't have a
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Speaker 2: guest from your homes tonight. The only person you're gonna
1:19
Speaker 2: hear from is me, and so I just want to
1:23
Speaker 2: thank you guys for tuning in tonight. I'm going to
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Speaker 2: talk to you about just give you a recap of
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Speaker 2: the book event that I did in celebration of my
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Speaker 2: mom celebrating her sixty what would have been her sixty
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Speaker 2: sixth birthday, and what it was like to do that
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Speaker 2: book signing in honor of her, releasing it on her birthday,
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Speaker 2: and just the story of how I decided to write
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Speaker 2: the book and celebration and honor of her, and then
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Speaker 2: to talk about what grief and trauma and healing and
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Speaker 2: leaving a legacy. I don't even know if my mom
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Speaker 2: believed that she left the legacy or that she had one.
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Speaker 2: But before we get into any of that, we got
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Speaker 2: to go to God in prayer. So let's buy our
2:13
Speaker 2: heads and go and talk to Him for just a moment.
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Speaker 2: They're heavenly, Father, thank you for bringing me in front
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Speaker 2: of everyone tonight who's decided to share a little bit
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Speaker 2: of their time with me because they could be doing
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Speaker 2: something else, but they chose to spend time not only
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Speaker 2: with you, but with me, because if they're with me,
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Speaker 2: they're with you. Let the words of my mouth fall
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Speaker 2: upon the ears that need to hear, and let what
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Speaker 2: I say be able to touch the hearts that need
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Speaker 2: to hear. Lets whatever I have experienced be a blueprint
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Speaker 2: for someone else to understand that grief is a journey
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Speaker 2: that is never ending, and we will get through this
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Speaker 2: by leaning on each other. We thank you for everything
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Speaker 2: that you have done for us, and we continue to
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Speaker 2: walk in the purpose in which you have created each
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Speaker 2: and every one of us. The path may not always
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Speaker 2: be clear and straight and narrow, but it is filled
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Speaker 2: with everything that we need to become the persons that
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Speaker 2: you have created us to be. We walk with purpose,
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Speaker 2: we walk with dignity, and we walk with grace because
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Speaker 2: you extend us grace beyond anything that we have ever
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Speaker 2: known and that we will ever understand. Because sometimes our
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Speaker 2: grace for others is not the grace that you provide
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Speaker 2: for us, and so we need to learn how to
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Speaker 2: decrease ourselves so that we can increase in you, and
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Speaker 2: I thank you for this moment and this opportunity to
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Speaker 2: be in this space. So let the words of my
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Speaker 2: mouth fall upon the ears that need to hear in
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Speaker 2: your persons, and Holy Name Jesus, I pray Amen. Now
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Speaker 2: as I was saying, the event was on July the fifth,
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Speaker 2: and it was my mother's sixty sixth birthday. And I
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Speaker 2: wrote the book From Fractured to Fulfilled, Healing my relationship
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Speaker 2: with my mom, And it was a really tough book
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Speaker 2: to write in the sense of bounding down to my childhood,
4:01
Speaker 2: bringing you from that to the end of her life,
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Speaker 2: and going through the stages of writing the book, I
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Speaker 2: went through so many different emotions and tapping into things
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Speaker 2: that I had thought I had buried and didn't want
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Speaker 2: to bring up, but it were necessary in my healing
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Speaker 2: journey and to be able to tell about the hard
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Speaker 2: things and then in the tough times that my mother
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Speaker 2: and I shared, because we had a tough relationship. It
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Speaker 2: wasn't one that was a storybook mother daughter relationship. My
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Speaker 2: mom battled addiction and domestic violence issues, so as a
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Speaker 2: young kid, I experienced some of those situations with her,
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Speaker 2: and so going from a little kid to going into
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Speaker 2: my teenage years and into adulthood. I take you through
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Speaker 2: each one of those experiences with me in this book,
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Speaker 2: and the journey of being able to heal my mother
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Speaker 2: and not having those conversations before she left here, and
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Speaker 2: being able to understand that my mother was once a child,
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Speaker 2: My mother was once a young teen, My mother was
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Speaker 2: once a person who lost her identity in trying to
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Speaker 2: fit in with other people and finding that love, in
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Speaker 2: her eyes, was painful. It didn't come without pain. But
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Speaker 2: in her final days, she understood that love did not
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Speaker 2: have to be a painful experience. It could be one
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Speaker 2: of unconditional love, one that she didn't have to fight for,
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Speaker 2: one that she did not have to look outside of
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Speaker 2: self for that she was more than enough. And I'm
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Speaker 2: grateful that we were able to hell and discuss those
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Speaker 2: hard times and the reasons that she made some of
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Speaker 2: the decisions that she made. I will say that the
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Speaker 2: event itself was an event that I did not anticipate
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Speaker 2: a good turnout for. And I'll say that because most
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Speaker 2: of the time when I do things, not too many
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Speaker 2: people show up because I'm not part of the it crowd.
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Speaker 2: I'm usually a homebody. I stayed on myself, but family
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Speaker 2: and friends showed up in ways that blessed my heart,
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Speaker 2: and I didn't take a lot of pictures. I didn't
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Speaker 2: do much of that only because I was enjoying the
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Speaker 2: moment and enjoying the space, and enjoying the conversations around
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Speaker 2: the book and people sharing their stories about their experience
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Speaker 2: and their relationships with my mom, and so it was
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Speaker 2: a beautiful experience and it was a true celebration because
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Speaker 2: my mom was not one for crying or anything of
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Speaker 2: that nature. So I think the tears were to a
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Speaker 2: very minimal expression because we were so focused on the moment,
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Speaker 2: the joy, the laughter, because my mom was a true goofball.
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Speaker 2: We had some We had another author in the building,
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Speaker 2: and that was Miss Tanisha. She brought her book and
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Speaker 2: was able to share and sell some of her books
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Speaker 2: and people conversated converse with her about her journey. But
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Speaker 2: From Fracture to Fulfilled was one of the hardest books
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Speaker 2: that I had to write, and especially the final two
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Speaker 2: When Time ran Out was the toughest one for me
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Speaker 2: because I talked about when her time ran out basically
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Speaker 2: in the sense of knowing that her final moments were coming,
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Speaker 2: and I did not anticipate every emotion that I was
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Speaker 2: going to feel in that moment, and I put it
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Speaker 2: on paper in that chapter, which made that chapter one
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Speaker 2: of the hardest ones for me to start and complete.
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Speaker 2: And then the final chapter was acceptance and healing and
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Speaker 2: understanding that we all have an expiration date and time
8:57
Speaker 2: doesn't heal those wounds. It's basically grief is basically loved
9:03
Speaker 2: that doesn't have a place to go anymore. So you
9:07
Speaker 2: love your loved one unconditionally, even though they're no longer here.
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Speaker 2: They can't feel you, they can't you can't hear them,
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Speaker 2: They can't hear you, You can't get that embrace from them,
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Speaker 2: those hugs, those kisses are anything like that. And excuse me.
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Speaker 2: The journey in the grieving process is a journey that
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Speaker 2: no one in this life is exempt from because we're
9:36
Speaker 2: all going to have to deal with a level of grief.
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Speaker 2: And it's not just due to death of a loved one,
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Speaker 2: a child, a friend. We grieve things like a loss
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Speaker 2: of a job, a loss of a car, a loss
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Speaker 2: of a friendship. We grieve these things and I don't
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Speaker 2: think we talk about that part of grief enough. If
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Speaker 2: you don't deal with the grief. Like whatever it is
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Speaker 2: that you may be going through and trying to avoid,
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Speaker 2: you're going to have to deal with the grief because
10:21
Speaker 2: grief will wait for you and the most unopportune moment
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Speaker 2: for you to deal with it. You can try to
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Speaker 2: keep your mind busy, you can keep your body busy,
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Speaker 2: you can keep all of that on goal all the time,
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Speaker 2: but when grief is ready for you to deal with it,
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Speaker 2: you're going to deal with it. You're not going to
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Speaker 2: be able to escape without dealing with it. It's just
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Speaker 2: one of those things that you're going to have to
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Speaker 2: face because we all have to deal with grief and
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Speaker 2: it is a moment by moment adjustment. It's one of
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Speaker 2: those things where people say the old cliche saying is
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Speaker 2: time hill's all wounds. Well, I disagree, because losing my
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Speaker 2: mom was not easy. It hasn't been an easy journey.
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Speaker 2: And I realized that I did not start my grieving
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Speaker 2: process until these last couple of months because when my
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Speaker 2: mom passed away, I didn't have time to sit and
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Speaker 2: think about what I was feeling in that moment, simply
11:41
Speaker 2: because when she passed, when she took her final breath,
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Speaker 2: I was in the room with her and the nurses
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Speaker 2: and everyone, hey ladies, and I had to make the arrangements.
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Speaker 2: I had to make the phone calls. I had to
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Speaker 2: call my own and I had to call my brother.
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Speaker 2: I had to call my sister. I had to call
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Speaker 2: my siblings, and I had to call the funeral home.
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Speaker 2: I had to do all of those things. So it
12:10
Speaker 2: was not a not a moment of rest in that
12:16
Speaker 2: so I had to focus on everyone else and making
12:20
Speaker 2: sure that things got done. And even still, after you know,
12:27
Speaker 2: we had her service and all of that, I went
12:30
Speaker 2: straight back to work. So I did not take the
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Speaker 2: time that was necessary that I needed to acknowledge the
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Speaker 2: fact that my mother had passed. I didn't take that time,
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Speaker 2: even though basically like a week later, I ended up
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Speaker 2: in the hospital and I went to work, and while
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Speaker 2: at work, my body began to shut down on me
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Speaker 2: because I did not process what had happened. I just
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Speaker 2: went back to my everyday life, which was work, taking
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Speaker 2: care of home, taking care of everything that was necessary
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Speaker 2: for my everyday life. And so I did not realize
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Speaker 2: until I completed this book that my journey, my grieving
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Speaker 2: process had not begun until I completed this book, and
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Speaker 2: I will be honest with you guys. After the event,
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Speaker 2: I was exhausted, to say the least, because I prepared
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Speaker 2: all the food and everything, and yes, my family was there.
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Speaker 2: I had a great support system when it came to
13:47
Speaker 2: making sure that the event happened and it went without,
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Speaker 2: you know, any hiccups or anything like that. But I
13:53
Speaker 2: was truly, truly exhausted. But in the days after, I
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Speaker 2: was so numb to everything that had transpired. You know,
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Speaker 2: my body was responding to a healing that I did
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Speaker 2: not know was possible to exist in this situation, and
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Speaker 2: we store these Death is a traumatic situation, no matter
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Speaker 2: how you want to look at it. But death is traumatic,
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Speaker 2: and it's stored in our bodies, and its stored in
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Speaker 2: our shoulders, our neck. You know, you may feel like
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Speaker 2: you got a tension headache, you got tension in your neck,
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Speaker 2: your shoulders, your back and places of that and like that,
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Speaker 2: and so you don't understand that you're dealing with these
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Speaker 2: things and it is stored in your body. And so
14:50
Speaker 2: when you are finally giving yourself permission to deal with that,
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Speaker 2: I felt so heavy, But then I started to relax,
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Speaker 2: and my body didn't know how to handle that. DD.
15:11
Speaker 2: You said your adoptive momb has been gone for since
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Speaker 2: nineteen ninety nine, and it's definitely yeah. It's a second
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Speaker 2: by a second, moment by moment, day by day situation
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Speaker 2: to where you just don't know. And it could be
15:28
Speaker 2: something like you could be driving in the car and
15:31
Speaker 2: a song may come on the radio, or you may
15:34
Speaker 2: be in your house cleaning and you'll have a scent
15:37
Speaker 2: or something that reminds you of that person. And I've
15:42
Speaker 2: always heard this old saying and that I don't know
15:45
Speaker 2: how true it is, but I do know that there
15:48
Speaker 2: are moments when you may have a smell that comes
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Speaker 2: up and it reminds you of a loved one that's
15:58
Speaker 2: passed on. And from what I've heard, I can't say
16:02
Speaker 2: that it's true, but that that person or that spirit
16:06
Speaker 2: is around you, because I do believe that we are
16:08
Speaker 2: all energy beings, you know, and we have a spirit
16:13
Speaker 2: that's either left here and we're just gonna leave at
16:19
Speaker 2: that because y'all gonna start thinking I'm really crazy, but
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Speaker 2: I'm not, But that is what I believe. But you
16:27
Speaker 2: can store that trauma, that grief in your body, and
16:32
Speaker 2: if you don't allow yourself the opportunity in the space
16:38
Speaker 2: to say that you're not okay when you're having a
16:41
Speaker 2: bad day. Give yourself permission to feel what it is
16:45
Speaker 2: that you're feeling. That's one thing that I had to
16:47
Speaker 2: learn about my healing journey, and is that give myself
16:53
Speaker 2: permission to feel what it is that I'm feeling. And
16:58
Speaker 2: it's not wrong for me to feel what I speak
17:01
Speaker 2: what I'm feeling, because keeping that stuff bottled up inside
17:08
Speaker 2: it creates health issues for you when you don't release it.
17:13
Speaker 2: And if you don't have someone that you can talk to,
17:17
Speaker 2: make sure that you seek out professional help so that
17:21
Speaker 2: you can get that help and that you can find
17:24
Speaker 2: someone to listen. I'm always available to listen to anybody
17:28
Speaker 2: if they're having an issue, a moment where they just
17:31
Speaker 2: need a shoulder to cry on, because I know what
17:35
Speaker 2: that feels like, not being able to release the emotions
17:39
Speaker 2: that you got trapped in. You know, you have to
17:41
Speaker 2: be able to have an outlet, You have to be
17:43
Speaker 2: able to have a support system and be okay with
17:48
Speaker 2: saying that you're not okay and give yourself permission to
17:50
Speaker 2: feel the emotion that you're feeling. Because we walk around
17:54
Speaker 2: sometimes in this society in this world right now, would
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Speaker 2: rather see you sad and broken than to extend a
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Speaker 2: hand to help you through what it is that you're
18:06
Speaker 2: going through because they feel like it's funny to laugh
18:09
Speaker 2: at your pain, but they don't realize that the pain
18:13
Speaker 2: that you may be feeling today is the pain that
18:16
Speaker 2: they may feel tomorrow. So you got to be able
18:19
Speaker 2: to understand that everyone deserves empathy. We all deserve grace,
18:24
Speaker 2: and God extends us grace every single day because we
18:28
Speaker 2: are not perfect. We are walking on this earth trying
18:32
Speaker 2: to walk in the footsteps that this man left for us,
18:37
Speaker 2: and I just want to make sure that I'm doing
18:41
Speaker 2: what I'm supposed to do. When someone is hurting, I
18:44
Speaker 2: don't want to mock them. I don't want to make
18:48
Speaker 2: them feel that they're less than for going through something
18:53
Speaker 2: that I may experience later on in life. Because, as
18:56
Speaker 2: my aunt used to say all the time, just keep living.
18:59
Speaker 2: It may not be your situation today, but it could
19:02
Speaker 2: very well be your situation tomorrow. We're all going to
19:07
Speaker 2: face our expiration day. The problem is we don't know
19:12
Speaker 2: when that day is, and our families are left with
19:17
Speaker 2: those memories of us. So you know what your date
19:21
Speaker 2: of birth is you know exactly the day that you
19:25
Speaker 2: were born, down to the time sometimes that you were born,
19:30
Speaker 2: and you won't know that day that you are no
19:34
Speaker 2: longer on this earth. So what you do in that
19:37
Speaker 2: time between your date of birth and your date of destiny,
19:43
Speaker 2: I'll call it that. I won't say date of death,
19:45
Speaker 2: but you know what I'm saying. But what you do
19:49
Speaker 2: in that time, you want to make sure that when
19:52
Speaker 2: it is your time and you're up at those pearly
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Speaker 2: gates and meeting God, you want him to say, well done,
20:00
Speaker 2: my good and faithful servant. You want him to say
20:03
Speaker 2: that about you. So you want to make sure that
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Speaker 2: you're living in a way that he can be proud
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Speaker 2: of you. Grief is hard. We don't talk about death,
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Speaker 2: even though it's part of the life cycle. We don't
20:21
Speaker 2: talk about what it takes to heal. We don't talk
20:25
Speaker 2: about these things enough. We want to talk about accountability
20:32
Speaker 2: without actually being accountable. But in order for you to
20:36
Speaker 2: get through those traumatic experiences, you got to start with
20:40
Speaker 2: healing first, which means you have to acknowledge the things
20:44
Speaker 2: that hurt you. Which is why this book was so
20:48
Speaker 2: important for me to write because my mother and I
20:53
Speaker 2: were able to talk about the things that broke each
20:57
Speaker 2: one of us. My mother was holding on pain and
21:01
Speaker 2: things that I didn't even know that she was holding
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Speaker 2: on to, and some of those things did not have
21:06
Speaker 2: anything to do with me, And I had to be
21:09
Speaker 2: okay with knowing that I didn't cause her pain, but
21:13
Speaker 2: she in turn did cause me some pain through the
21:16
Speaker 2: things that she had been through in life, and me
21:20
Speaker 2: being able to forgive her and to tell her that
21:23
Speaker 2: she was forgiven and to let her know that she
21:26
Speaker 2: was not blamed for the things that As I got older,
21:32
Speaker 2: I was able to acknowledge for myself and understand that
21:39
Speaker 2: the circumstances in which she was brought up led to
21:43
Speaker 2: her making some of those decisions. And being able to
21:46
Speaker 2: forgive her and saying that she was forgiven was important.
21:57
Speaker 2: Healing is necessary. It's a part of life that you
22:04
Speaker 2: can't keep saying this is just how I am as
22:10
Speaker 2: an excuse to be a bad person, or this is
22:15
Speaker 2: just how I was raised. Either take me as I
22:18
Speaker 2: am or leave me alone. And then when the person
22:25
Speaker 2: decides to leave you alone, you mad because they made
22:27
Speaker 2: the choice to leave you alone, but you gave them
22:30
Speaker 2: the opportunity to leave you alone because you refuse to grow.
22:37
Speaker 2: But this is the thing. You will grow and change.
22:41
Speaker 2: To get a job, to learn a new skill, to
22:45
Speaker 2: start a business, to do all of these things. You
22:49
Speaker 2: will do all that is necessary. But when it comes
22:52
Speaker 2: to having a healthy mind and body, you won't make
22:57
Speaker 2: those changes. And that's one thing that I don't understand,
23:02
Speaker 2: is that you will do all of that work, but
23:08
Speaker 2: when it comes to actually being accountable for how you
23:13
Speaker 2: treat people and how you do certain things, you would
23:17
Speaker 2: rather stick with saying this is just how I am.
23:21
Speaker 2: Take me as I am, and if you can't love
23:24
Speaker 2: me as I am, then you're not for me. We
23:28
Speaker 2: all got to change. You're not the same size you
23:31
Speaker 2: was when you were two years old, so you're going
23:33
Speaker 2: to change because that's its evolution. That's what happens. But
23:39
Speaker 2: if you don't acknowledge that you too are broken, you
23:44
Speaker 2: too need work, You too need to hold yourself accountable,
23:51
Speaker 2: be able to say I did something wrong. And this
23:57
Speaker 2: is how I know that the journey that I've been on,
24:00
Speaker 2: and as far as my healing journey is concerned, is
24:03
Speaker 2: that I'm okay with being the villain in somebody's story.
24:07
Speaker 2: And the other thing is I'm going to If you
24:09
Speaker 2: want to tell a story about me, trust and believe
24:12
Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell both sides of the story, even the
24:14
Speaker 2: side of the story that makes me look bad. I'm
24:17
Speaker 2: okay with that. And the reason I'm okay with that
24:20
Speaker 2: is because it is the experience that I had. And yes,
24:25
Speaker 2: your actions may have done something or caused me to
24:28
Speaker 2: respond a certain way, but I'm still responsible on how
24:32
Speaker 2: I responded, what I said, or what I did. It's
24:35
Speaker 2: all up to me. Now. Am I proud of all
24:40
Speaker 2: the things that I've said and I've done. No, absolutely not.
24:43
Speaker 2: But were they necessary? Yes, they were necessary. And the
24:47
Speaker 2: reason they were necessary because they taught me things about
24:49
Speaker 2: myself and also let me know that I don't have
24:53
Speaker 2: to be a pushover. I don't have to agree with
24:55
Speaker 2: everything to get along with people. I can actually disagree
24:59
Speaker 2: with you and do it in a way that doesn't
25:01
Speaker 2: cause either one of us to be wrong. Like, you
25:07
Speaker 2: can have your opinion, but there's a way for you
25:10
Speaker 2: to express yourself without being evil to somebody. You can
25:16
Speaker 2: say I disagree and point out the points in which
25:21
Speaker 2: you disagree with that person, but you don't have to
25:24
Speaker 2: be little them. You don't have to call them names,
25:26
Speaker 2: you don't have to do any of those things. Learn
25:30
Speaker 2: how to effectively communicate with people. And I think you
25:34
Speaker 2: also have to be able to listen. A lot of
25:37
Speaker 2: times we don't like to listen. We like to listen
25:40
Speaker 2: to respond, but not listen to here, and those are
25:43
Speaker 2: two different things. So if you want to listen to
25:47
Speaker 2: simply respond, that's okay. But I also know that the
25:50
Speaker 2: louder you speak, the less people listen because you ain't
25:53
Speaker 2: got to be loud to get your point across. And
25:56
Speaker 2: sometimes that person that's being the loudest, it's always in
26:00
Speaker 2: a room because they feel like I can yell and
26:03
Speaker 2: that's gonna get my point across. I have learned that
26:09
Speaker 2: you can yell at me all you want to, and
26:11
Speaker 2: the face you gonna get is this one. I'll wait
26:17
Speaker 2: till you're done, cause number one, there's no reason for
26:22
Speaker 2: you to holler at me. If you want me to
26:23
Speaker 2: hear you, there's absolutely no reason for you to do that.
26:27
Speaker 2: We can talk, and we can talk clear. If you
26:31
Speaker 2: feel like you need to yell and scream, let me
26:33
Speaker 2: know ahead of time so that we can actually be
26:36
Speaker 2: on one accord so that we can each hear each other,
26:39
Speaker 2: but don't interrupt the other person as they're speaking. And
26:43
Speaker 2: that is one thing that I've had to learn. I'm
26:45
Speaker 2: good at expressing myself through writing because that's the way
26:48
Speaker 2: that I have learned to express myself. But as I've
26:52
Speaker 2: gotten older and people that I've come in contact with
26:56
Speaker 2: have taught me that they do value what I have
26:59
Speaker 2: to say say and I can actually verbalize what I
27:04
Speaker 2: need to say, and that's a new space for me.
27:08
Speaker 2: I will say that even doing this right now is
27:11
Speaker 2: a new space for me because I don't have a
27:14
Speaker 2: guess that I'm interacting with. But I needed you guys
27:19
Speaker 2: to understand that this is a journey that I am on,
27:22
Speaker 2: and this journey is putting myself out in front and
27:28
Speaker 2: knowing that my healing is ongoing, my grief is ongoing.
27:37
Speaker 2: I miss my mother every single day, but I am
27:41
Speaker 2: enjoying things that I didn't have as a child. You know,
27:47
Speaker 2: I'm a grandmother now and my kids are very clingy
27:54
Speaker 2: and touchy and everything. And I heard something the other
28:00
Speaker 2: that says that if your children are clingy to you,
28:09
Speaker 2: that is because you were the mother that you needed.
28:14
Speaker 2: And that's a good thing. And my granddaughter is clingy
28:20
Speaker 2: to me as well. And my grandson when he's in
28:23
Speaker 2: my space, he's clingy with me also, and he just
28:28
Speaker 2: gets in my arms and goes to sleep. It's like
28:31
Speaker 2: he can't fight it. I don't know what it is,
28:34
Speaker 2: but if he gets in my arms, he goes to sleep.
28:39
Speaker 2: But my mother left a legacy of strength. She left
28:44
Speaker 2: a legacy of being your authentic self, never watering yourself
28:51
Speaker 2: down for others to like you. Either they're gonna like
28:54
Speaker 2: you for who you are, not for who you pretend
28:57
Speaker 2: to be. Left us with being very outspoken, and we're
29:06
Speaker 2: either gonna say what others won't say because they don't
29:10
Speaker 2: want to hurt your feelings. And I have a strong
29:15
Speaker 2: thing of not sugarcoating things for the sake of keeping
29:24
Speaker 2: the peace, because I feel like if I'm gonna sugarcoat something,
29:30
Speaker 2: you're not going to fully understand your behavior. And if
29:37
Speaker 2: we can't be friends, for me telling you the real, raw,
29:41
Speaker 2: unfiltered truth, because I want somebody to do that for
29:45
Speaker 2: me as well. So being able to say what is
29:53
Speaker 2: necessary but being respectful is what my mom taught. Like
30:01
Speaker 2: my mom used to say all the time that I
30:05
Speaker 2: would correct her, even as a little girl, when she
30:08
Speaker 2: would mispronounce words and or she would do something or
30:13
Speaker 2: be around certain people. I would always tell her, you know,
30:16
Speaker 2: I don't think you need to be doing that, because
30:18
Speaker 2: it's not right. These people don't like you, they don't
30:21
Speaker 2: care nothing about you. I was always that person, and
30:26
Speaker 2: so I'm able to discern a lot for being in
30:33
Speaker 2: places and spaces with people. And that's another reason why
30:37
Speaker 2: y'all ain't gonna see me out in too many places
30:40
Speaker 2: because I'm a homebody. Naturally, I'm a loner. Naturally, I
30:46
Speaker 2: can operate in spaces where there's a lot of people,
30:50
Speaker 2: but I get overwhelmed very quickly because I feel everybody's
30:57
Speaker 2: energy and that's overwhelming to me, which is why I
31:00
Speaker 2: don't club. I don't do those types of things because
31:03
Speaker 2: I feel everything in that space and it's a lot,
31:09
Speaker 2: and I can't I can't take it. So I tend
31:13
Speaker 2: to control the spaces that I'm in. But I don't
31:20
Speaker 2: really have too much more to talk to you guys about.
31:23
Speaker 2: This is just one of the things that I wanted
31:25
Speaker 2: to touch on and to let you guys know that
31:28
Speaker 2: grief is a part of life, that trauma and grief
31:33
Speaker 2: go hand in hand, and that each one of us
31:36
Speaker 2: is walking is a walking legacy. We are a walking icon.
31:41
Speaker 2: We have so much to offer this world. Never allow
31:45
Speaker 2: your light to be dimmed by anybody, because God created
31:52
Speaker 2: you as a light. And when you walk into spaces,
31:57
Speaker 2: understand that your presence has the power to shift the atmosphere.
32:03
Speaker 2: You can be knocking on the door from the outside
32:06
Speaker 2: and won't notice anything about what's happening on the inside
32:11
Speaker 2: until you're able to walk into the room. And once
32:14
Speaker 2: you walk into the room, you can feel the atmosphere
32:17
Speaker 2: as it shifts because of your presence. And so understand
32:22
Speaker 2: the power that you have. The power that you possess
32:26
Speaker 2: is important and you are important to each and every
32:30
Speaker 2: person that you've come in contact with. God has not
32:34
Speaker 2: connected you to people that did not serve a purpose.
32:37
Speaker 2: There is a lesson in each person that you have
32:41
Speaker 2: contact with and what they mean to you. You'll find
32:46
Speaker 2: out sometimes we tend to try to make people fit
32:50
Speaker 2: in our lives and spaces and places where they don't belong.
32:53
Speaker 2: And that's one thing that we have to be mindful
32:55
Speaker 2: of of knowing when to let people go and when
32:59
Speaker 2: to move on from certain places and people because we're
33:06
Speaker 2: only assigned a short amount of time here on this earth,
33:10
Speaker 2: and so when we decide to not let go when
33:16
Speaker 2: God is telling us to let go, we end up
33:20
Speaker 2: paying the price overall when we don't listen to what
33:25
Speaker 2: God is saying. He's like, I told you to let
33:27
Speaker 2: that go. Understand that God is the ultimate GPS. He
33:30
Speaker 2: knows where we're supposed to be going, what we're supposed
33:33
Speaker 2: to be doing, when we're supposed to be doing it,
33:34
Speaker 2: and even how we're supposed to be doing it. But
33:37
Speaker 2: we get stubborn and we get hard headed, and we
33:41
Speaker 2: don't always listen the first time when he says let
33:44
Speaker 2: go because we think that we know better than God,
33:48
Speaker 2: and we're wrong because we definitely don't know more than
33:53
Speaker 2: he does. And this is something that I am learning
33:57
Speaker 2: because I am stubborn and I am hard headed, and
34:00
Speaker 2: I stay on his main line. I get put on
34:03
Speaker 2: hold a lot too, but I do call on him
34:08
Speaker 2: so many times throughout the day, and I know he'd
34:12
Speaker 2: be like, Lord, not today, I don't talk to you
34:14
Speaker 2: twelve times. Now, I'm gonna find somebody else to talk
34:17
Speaker 2: to because I don't want to talk to you no more.
34:18
Speaker 2: Today and I'll be like, Okay, look, okay, I got
34:22
Speaker 2: one more question. I'm leave alone for today and I'll
34:24
Speaker 2: be back to March. But anyway, know that when you're
34:27
Speaker 2: walking with God, you are walking with purpose. Everything that
34:31
Speaker 2: you have been through was designed for your perfect plan.
34:34
Speaker 2: Whether you choose to continue to ignore him, that's up
34:37
Speaker 2: to you. I ain't got nothing to do with that.
34:39
Speaker 2: That's between you and God. But I know as long
34:43
Speaker 2: as I am being mindful of the things that I
34:47
Speaker 2: say and the things that I do, I want to
34:49
Speaker 2: make sure that I am walking in the purpose of
34:51
Speaker 2: which He has created me. And I still want to
34:54
Speaker 2: run away from certain things that he keeps pushing me towards.
34:57
Speaker 2: And I keep trying to say, baby, got a look, God,
35:00
Speaker 2: I got small feet and I take baby steps, So
35:03
Speaker 2: just let me get to the steps that I need
35:06
Speaker 2: to get to. And he gonna end up pushing me
35:09
Speaker 2: in a minute. And whether I stumble or whether I fall,
35:15
Speaker 2: it's gonna be okay. But I'm gonna keep walking in
35:19
Speaker 2: the purpose in which He has called me. But understand
35:22
Speaker 2: that I am not perfect perfect. I fall short every
35:25
Speaker 2: single day, and I am grateful for those who are
35:30
Speaker 2: along this journey with me. I thank you for the
35:33
Speaker 2: opportunity to know you in the way that God has
35:38
Speaker 2: allowed our patht to connect. We may not speak every day,
35:42
Speaker 2: but you are valuable to me and I am honored
35:46
Speaker 2: that I know you, that I'm connected to you, that
35:49
Speaker 2: we have connected on this path, and as we continue
35:56
Speaker 2: to grow and grow together and learn more about each
36:02
Speaker 2: other and how we can always uplift one another because
36:07
Speaker 2: we know that there's not always going to be sunshine,
36:11
Speaker 2: there's not always going to be rainbows, but we are
36:15
Speaker 2: always going to be able to pick up the phone
36:19
Speaker 2: and reach out and give a listening ear, a shoulder
36:23
Speaker 2: to cry on, words of advice, words of wisdom, words
36:28
Speaker 2: of encouragement. We all are going to need someone. We
36:34
Speaker 2: don't go through this life without needing someone. And those
36:39
Speaker 2: people who say I came in this world by myself
36:44
Speaker 2: and I'm gonna die by myself, you didn't come in
36:48
Speaker 2: this world by yourself. You came in with your mom,
36:51
Speaker 2: so that was somebody that was there. Now, your daddy
36:55
Speaker 2: may not have been there, or other family members that
36:58
Speaker 2: ain't got nothing to do with, but you are surrounded
37:01
Speaker 2: by love and hopefully the life that you live is
37:09
Speaker 2: when you are in those final moments that you are
37:13
Speaker 2: surrounded by the same love in which you were brought in.
37:18
Speaker 2: But know that you are a legacy. Know that you
37:23
Speaker 2: are amazing and there is nothing that you cannot overcome
37:30
Speaker 2: in this world because you were created for a purpose.
37:33
Speaker 2: You were created in God's image, and you were perfect
37:36
Speaker 2: the day that you entered into this world. So continue
37:40
Speaker 2: to go forth and make sure that you are walking
37:45
Speaker 2: in the purpose in which God has created you. And
37:50
Speaker 2: I thank you guys for being with me tonight. And
37:55
Speaker 2: if you want to purchase the book, you can go
37:58
Speaker 2: on Amazon and get it, or you can contact me
38:03
Speaker 2: directly and get you a signed copy of the book.
38:08
Speaker 2: It comes in the hard copy. Lord, I don't know
38:13
Speaker 2: if you can see it, and we'll do it like that,
38:16
Speaker 2: a hard copy and the paperback. But get the book.
38:23
Speaker 2: I promise you is worth the read. I'm gonna read
38:29
Speaker 2: just a little. I'm gonna read the back and this
38:32
Speaker 2: will tell you what the story is about, what this
38:35
Speaker 2: book is about, and it says I spent years longing
38:38
Speaker 2: for love I thought I'd never received. What I didn't
38:41
Speaker 2: know was that healing doesn't always start with her. It
38:45
Speaker 2: starts with me. From birth to her passing in twenty
38:49
Speaker 2: twenty three. My relationship with my mother was layered with silence, hurt,
38:53
Speaker 2: and unspoken truth. Healing the Mother Wound is my raw
38:57
Speaker 2: and honest journey through emotional abandonmic aha, trauma, strain from communication,
39:02
Speaker 2: and the slow process of forgiveness. Through pain, breakthroughs, and reflection,
39:07
Speaker 2: I discovered that healing wasn't about changing the past, it
39:12
Speaker 2: was about freeing myself from it. This is not just
39:16
Speaker 2: my story, but the story of every daughter who's ever
39:19
Speaker 2: craved connection with the woman who gave her life. If
39:22
Speaker 2: you struggle to love or to be loved by your mother,
39:26
Speaker 2: this memoir will meet you where you are and guide
39:29
Speaker 2: you towards peace and understanding wholeness. So thank you, Beatrice,
39:36
Speaker 2: You as smart, you as kind, and you as important,
39:39
Speaker 2: and I love you so much. Y'all get the book
39:44
Speaker 2: because it will definitely offer you some guidance and understanding
39:50
Speaker 2: that when you open your heart to forgive, you're not
39:57
Speaker 2: just forgiving the wrong. And it does I mean that
40:00
Speaker 2: you have to excuse the behavior or anything like that.
40:04
Speaker 2: It just allows you to acknowledge that it happened and
40:08
Speaker 2: that you're on the road to healing. But if you
40:11
Speaker 2: never acknowledge it, it's like you get a cut on
40:13
Speaker 2: your leg. You just cover it up with a band
40:16
Speaker 2: aid and it never heals because it never gets air.
40:20
Speaker 2: You need the air to help the womb to actually
40:23
Speaker 2: close and heal. But if you never take the bandage off,
40:27
Speaker 2: you're gonna have an open wound. Allow your wounds to
40:32
Speaker 2: be healed, and allow yourself to be whole, because you
40:36
Speaker 2: need to be whole. The very existence of you depends
40:42
Speaker 2: upon how much you want to allow yourself to be healed.
40:46
Speaker 2: And understand that every experience that you've gone through in life,
40:50
Speaker 2: it may be hot topic or hot tea to somebody else,
40:55
Speaker 2: but maybe you are here to live through it and
40:58
Speaker 2: to be a blueprint for somebody else, because somebody else
41:01
Speaker 2: is trying to figure out the very situation that you
41:05
Speaker 2: live through, and you are the voice for that person.
41:08
Speaker 2: So nothing that you have been through you should ever
41:12
Speaker 2: be ashamed of, because if God brought you to it,
41:15
Speaker 2: there's a reason and there's a purpose for it. So
41:18
Speaker 2: continue to shine bright, never let anybody dimn your light,
41:23
Speaker 2: and always remember that God is God all by himself.
41:29
Speaker 2: He don't need nothing from us, so stay out of
41:32
Speaker 2: his business okay, and be obedient to everything he's called
41:36
Speaker 2: you to do. And I will see you guys on Thursday,
41:40
Speaker 2: August the twenty eighth, and I will be talking to
41:43
Speaker 2: Dunisha Harper. So I love you, guys, and I thank
41:47
Speaker 2: you for tuning in tonight. Good night,