Latest / We Are For Good Podcast - The Podcast for Nonprofits / 91. The Impact of Self Doubt: How Discovering Your True Value Changes Everything - Eryn Eddy

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91. The Impact of Self Doubt: How Discovering Your True Value Changes Everything - Eryn Eddy · We Are For Good Podcast - The Podcast for Nonprofits

• 0:01
  Jonathan McCoy: Hey, I'm john.
• 0:02
  Becky Endicott: And I'm Becky.
• 0:03
  Jonathan McCoy: And this is the we are for good podcast.
• 0:06
  Becky Endicott: nonprofits are faced with more challenges to accomplish their missions and the growing pressure to do more, raise more and be more for the causes that improve our world.
• 0:15
  Becky Endicott: We're here
• 0:16
  Jonathan McCoy: to learn with you from some of the best in the industry, bringing the most innovative ideas, inspirational stories, all to create an impact uprising.
• 0:24
  Becky Endicott: So welcome to the good community, where nonprofit professionals, philanthropist world changers and rabid fans who are striving to bring a little more goodness into the world.
• 0:34
  Jonathan McCoy: So let's get started. Howdy y'all Becky, what's happening?
• 0:39
  Becky Endicott: You know, on days that we are talking about self care, and we're talking about pouring more love and support into our community. And then we bring in like a freakin powerhouse to the mix. I mean, I am so jazzed about this conversation that we're about to have, because we have Aaron Eddie, on the show today. And for anyone who doesn't know, I think I might have heard some audible screams like from some Arundhati groupies that are listening right now. But she is the founder of so worth loving.
• 1:12
  Becky Endicott: And she is an extraordinarily loving human being. We've spent just an inch of time with her John's known about her and her company for years. And she just has this incredible story about the power of honest conversations. We're going to be talking about the impact of self doubt today. But I want to give a little bit of background on her because she has an incredible story. And I love that when she sent us her bio, it was like a little tiny paragraph. And it's like just the very tip of the iceberg of her wonderfulness. So, Aaron Eddie is a social entrepreneur, a writer, a speaker and a creative director. And so she founded this lifestyle clothing brand called so worth loving, which I love, by the way. And that work has just been featured on CNN and MSNBC, Mashable, Oprah Magazine, I mean, everywhere,
• 2:06
  Jonathan McCoy: actually Oprah Magazine, I'm
• 2:07
  Becky Endicott: just I just kind of put that at the end thinking that people just wouldn't even glom on to that. So she frequently guests and writes about just like personal struggles and community and empathy and entrepreneurship and the power of honest conversations. And that impact of self doubt. And if you have heard any of our episodes, those are common themes that are threaded over and over again, in our conversations. And a couple of these are actually our core values of our companies. So I just think we're in great company with a like minded individual is going to come in and just love us really well today. So Aaron, welcome to our show. Hello, I'm
• 2:45
  Unknown: so excited to be here.
• 2:45
  Unknown: She
• 2:47
  Becky Endicott: literally just put her hands up in the
• 2:49
  Jonathan McCoy: position. Yes.
• 2:49
  Jonathan McCoy: Hello.
• 2:53
  Becky Endicott: So I love that, that this concept, it started on Tumblr, and it grew into this massive movement. And I wonder if you could just kind of walk us through your career journey.
• 3:06
  Becky Endicott: And what led you to here today?
• 3:08
  Unknown: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, shout out to Tumblr, you know, I don't know. I know it's had some issues. But I was an art director for a nonprofit before I started my company. And I was just new out of high school, just kind of figuring my way working for my parents company.
• 3:25
  Unknown: They manufactured furniture for around 40 years. So I was doing that and then went into art direction for this nonprofit.
• 3:32
  Unknown: And the founder asked me, he was like, sky's the limit you're in?
• 3:36
  Unknown: What do you want to do with your life? And I thought it was a trick question, because I'm working for him.
• 3:44
  Jonathan McCoy: Work for this
• 3:46
  Unknown: work for you.
• 3:51
  Unknown: I started just kind of thinking through like, what is it that I want to do? And I think sometimes we all go through that where you're like, reactionary, to like, what's in front of you, instead of like thinking really deep down? Like, what is my longing and desire and aspirations? Like, what do I really want to do? And so I was honest with myself, and I said, Well, I didn't tell him this. I actually told him, I'm doing it.
• 4:14
  Unknown: I actually told him that he was so bored of that answer, because he knew it wasn't true. And so I started thinking about it. I thought, you know, I really want to pursue music. I've been singing since I was younger, since I was like, 1516 1789 to 20 all the way up to my probably 25 I was been singing cover songs and I never really created something of my own though. And so when I started to admit what I wanted to do, I was like, I want to do music. So I contacted a producer. I was like let's do this. I had no idea though how to write songs or and I didn't know melodies. I didn't know harmonies, I didn't know like any of that stuff. I was just like, yeah, like all those like things songs. And so I dove into doing music, and I I had a Tumblr blog with my music. And my music videos started to go viral. And I started licensing my music, TV shows, and commercials. And this was way back before like YouTube was what it is now. And before Instagram, what this was, oh gosh, like 12 years ago, which makes me feel old. But I just started. So from there, I was just overwhelmed by how people believed in my music along the way, because, because I was like, I have no idea what I really want to do. But let's just try this. And then people believed in it, and they bit they like, identified with lyrics. They like the sound and that's such a gift. And I mean, we all know that if anybody believes in our heart of what we want to pursue, it's like it's a gift. We feel so humbled by it if we're, if we're humble people,
• 5:54
  Becky Endicott: hopefully, right.
• 5:59
  Unknown: And so I decided I wanted to create some sort of fan merge, but I hated that word fan, because I was just like, oh, like, like, we're with each other, you know, we're doing this together. So I wanted to create something, though, for people that believed in me, and I didn't want it to be my name or my face on as sure as I Oh, it has to be something else. So the phrase so worth loving came to my mind, and I feel like it was just a divine whisper. And I like any entrepreneur, you go, and you look at every domain possible to see
• 6:35
  Becky Endicott: and brand or
• 6:38
  Unknown: exactly your brand or your like, is it seamless on all platforms?
• 6:49
  Unknown: Not just tumbler.
• 6:54
  Unknown: I didn't have any money to screenprint t shirts, so I had to get scrappy. So I was like, Okay, well, what can I do? Well, I got cardboard stencils. I've got fabric spray paint from you know, Michaels or Joanne's or Hobby Lobby, wherever, my gosh,
• 7:08
  Becky Endicott: I'm living you right now. My garage.
• 7:14
  Jonathan McCoy: It's your fancy domain and you got a spray paint
• 7:19
  Unknown: domain. And you need cardboard stencils and fabric spray paint to start a T shirt company guys. I duct taped them like you know making sure that the letters aren't getting duct tape on them and trying to make it seamless. And then I created a cardboard stencil out of duct tape. And like individual letters, which you know, looking back, I'm like, I don't know why I just wouldn't have gone and gotten a $10 plastic stencil made. But I wouldn't visit Walmart or anywhere like to get these, these cardboard stencils, because I'd only spray paint shirts. Okay, hold on, I'll get to that point. So I put my home address on my music blog and I said, mail me your personal t shirt, like your shirt, mail it to me, I will spray paint, you're so worth loving, and I'll mail it back to you for free.
• 8:05
  Unknown: And if you want to pay for shipping, awesome. If you don't totally cool, I'll cover it. But also just keep in mind that I can only do black and white fabrics. Don't be sending me any colors that that don't work with those two, those two, those two spray paint bottles. And I received just I kept receiving 10s and 10s and 10s of shirts just filling up my mailbox, I come home from work working at my day job and I open it up and it be these like different types of packages just popping out of my mailbox. And it was so fun because they when you opened it, it just it smelled like someone's like downy or tied or like they just washed it and they just put it in the in the package. And they wanted this message that they are so worth loving. And I would receive stories after when people started sending me these shirts, along with the shirts were stories of people telling me why they felt unworthy of love. It was like a, it was like a natural evolution of an idea going out online to hitting somebody personally, in another state that I don't know. And wanting to share why it meant something to them, and then physically sending me why it meant something to them. And it was just such a powerful thing.
• 9:22
  Unknown: And I did that for eight months until I realized my fingers are starting to get sore from spray painting. And I I am spending a lot of money on postage. So I need to maybe figure out how to make this sustainable, but also it was the one thing that I could not stop thinking about at my day job. And I was like I've got to figure out how to do this. And so that was kind of the beginning of my career and starting so worth loving and I've owned it for 10 years now where the lifestyle brand and we use apparel and storytelling to share why we feel unworthy of love and to have honest conversations
• 10:35
  Becky Endicott: She just like, gently just said that last part.
• 10:39
  Becky Endicott: And it's like the most jaw dropping portion of the story. I mean, I had to back up a little to get multiple letters from people saying, I have never felt worthy of love makes me almost cry sitting here in this chair.
• 10:52
  Becky Endicott: And what a what a tiny, like sliver of a door that just open into someone's heart that they're asking anybody to walk through, and tell them why they are. And to think and i and i just think that these three words like can transform, you know, your life, and the way that you can pour into people.
• 11:14
  Becky Endicott: And I mean, I just have to say, like, I can tell you're a singer, or there's something about your voice that's just so calming and sweet. And
• 11:22
  Jonathan McCoy: Amanda,
• 11:23
  Becky Endicott: she does have the Amanda Gorman effect. And it's like, but I just think that the way that you have taken, you let the apparel work, its magic, because it was going to go ahead and work. But you kind of leaned into this, there is another layer of this, that that is a cry for help. And it's a need for community. And I love that you said yes. And that you poured into it. And for anyone who's ever been on your website or follows you on social, you will see how well that the story is translated over and over again.
• 11:57
  Jonathan McCoy: And the other hack that I want to pull out for nonprofits is that, you know, when we were in healthcare, you wouldn't necessarily think storytelling with bubbled to the surface ready to give healthcare. But the power of asking somebody their story, especially somebody is giving to your organization. It opens up windows that just we would have never thought possible. It's like people want to be seen.
• 12:20
  Jonathan McCoy: They want to be feel valued and feel known. And so just that subtle invitation that I want to hear that and we can share that.
• 12:28
  Jonathan McCoy: I mean, what a powerful thing that everybody should be doing wherever you want to create community. How are you engaging other people like it's their story that matters. So I think it's so powerful.
• 12:40
  Unknown: That was what was so impactful for me because I think, you know, I never, I never really apart from therapy, which I started going to therapy when I was 2020. Yeah, I was like when I was going through premarital counseling at the time. So that was kind of my introduction to therapy was premarital counseling, and then I got into therapy. But it wasn't until I started receiving stories of people sharing why they felt unworthy of love, and seeing and then recognizing in myself my own personal struggles, wasn't until I started seeing other people's story that I started looking internally on my own story, which sometimes so it's so neat, because not only can we give somebody that awareness of their story by sharing our story, but we can also, like do that for another person. When we share our story. It's just, it's can be reciprocated. And I just remember thinking, like, oh, whoa, like the stories that I would receive were, you know, stories on depression, anxiety, verbal abuse, physical abuse specific stories on my dad never hugged me growing up and never like anybody that hugs me If a man hugs me, I feel unlovable, like specific stories like that, that make a mark on us. And what what I learned is that it's not like this, like random group of people. It's our neighbors. It's our friends. It's the people that we do life with that we would not even know that that might be something that they're wrestling inside. And that's what I really learned in the stories like in the stories that we would receive from just receiving these shirts. And then when we started screen printing t shirts, because I was like, Okay, I got it. I got to figure this out. So when we started screen printing shirts and doing collections and slowly I remember my first batch was like five smalls, seven mediums for larges, you know, just like tiny, like run of shirts. I saw when we started selling shirts, we started getting emails of stories of people saying, and it was like they wanted somebody to listen. But they also wanted to just say, like, I want you to listen to my story, I want to be seen, but I also want to share it because I know it's going to help somebody else. Because I felt alone. I don't want other people to feel alone. And that's what I learned. And and just like in my inbox, I was like all these people feel alone. They only knew they weren't. And that's when we started putting with permission stories on our blog and sharing that through multiple mediums of social media, things like that.
• 15:15
  Jonathan McCoy: Oh, my goodness, I
• 15:16
  Becky Endicott: know I just love Erin. And I mean, it just shows that, you know, community you don't have to even be a nonprofit to like have a meaningful impact and community and we need to find people that are like minded, that share our values, that that can be a support system. to us because life is hard. Life is hard pre pandemic, life is going to be hard post pandemic, and it's like to get through that into enrich your life. I really think that community is just one of those great answers. So I want to talk a little bit about like, valuing yourself. And so you, you talk a lot about like, the way to change the world is starting with valuing yourself, can you talk a little bit of that and how you are listening to struggle with self doubt? And how you kind of turn that on its head?
• 16:05
  Unknown: Yes. Oh, man, where do we begin? I know, we mentioned a little bit about burnout right before we started recording, I probably it was five years and, and I think, because I started so worth loving, organically, I didn't have time, or just the awareness, met with denial, to know how to lead so worth loving, because it just evolved.
• 16:32
  Unknown: So I first off was an eye and look back. And like, there are some ways I wasn't equipped. But I'm so grateful. Because, I mean, it did it on its own, like it was gonna do it on its own, it was not meant for me to just be like, I'm the person that tells you you're worth loving, like it was not about just cuz I started it was probably about like, five years in, I hit burnout. And I am just, I, you know, I find myself going through divorce. I find myself process like paying everybody else but me living on barely anything. But my but our sales are great, but my overhead is large. And I am trying to figure out how to be a business person met with a missional heart. You know, like, that's hard on its on your, like, one of my friends said, You're either a business person or your creative business person. And those are two different breeds. And I was like, Whoa, yes, cuz I am for sure. So I, when I hit burnout, everything I learned that was when I learned, I was operating out of an unsustainable place.
• 17:53
  Unknown: It was out of maybe ego, it was out of pride, it was out of insecurity, it was out of not valuing myself by saying notice situations that I should say no to saying no to opportunities, because I need rest instead of saying yes to more burnout. And when I hit that, that rock bottom, that was when I recognized Whoa, I am empowering people to believe that they are worthy of love, and to respect themselves and to love themselves and treat themselves with patience and kindness. And I'm over here, spinning my wheels and not valuing at all, who I am. And then my skill set and how God wired me. And I recognize I cannot keep doing so worth loving. If I'm going to be operating out of my old ways.
• 18:39
  Unknown: I've got to learn how to value myself. And I've got to learn, where does that come from? And so I'm so passionate about sharing how to value yourself in the midst of owning a mission business, in creating the boundaries. And sometimes it's an it's just unrealistic that you'll have balance, but there but it is realistic, I think to have boundaries. And I don't believe anybody respects the yes person. Dr. Henry cloud says that often, but yet we say yes to be respected. So I had to learn how to value myself. It's so worth loving what's gonna sustain? And look at why I was doing that, you know, looking inward. And I'm sure all y'all can relate, right? Like, if you've hit a moment you start after it's like you have to hit a wall. And then you're like, Whoa,
• 19:26
  Jonathan McCoy: whoa, whoa.
• 19:28
  Unknown: Like, hit the wall. And you're just like,
• 19:34
  Jonathan McCoy: that's the closest to hearing you saying that we've gotten
• 19:36
  Becky Endicott: Yeah. Is that a gene? a gene? I
• 19:41
  Unknown: think so.
• 19:43
  Becky Endicott: I just have to say I do relate to what you're saying. I mean, john and Julie know that I've had a rock bottom moment in my life. And it was I'm curious if you're an enneagram. Two, have you taken the enneagram yet?
• 19:54
  Unknown: Because I'm a seven.
• 19:56
  Becky Endicott: I was sad that I then my daughter, you're the creative. I mean, Julie and I are from pain. Yes. But Julie and I are the helpers who can never say no, to anyone because we want to help and we're just hardwired that way. And you don't ever think about how that literally deplete you in some way when you're not pouring that back into yourself. So I just think there are so many incredible thoughts that you are pulling together here, especially for people that have a passion for mission work for helping others and that is really the 100% of the listenership here are people that are pouring into others.
• 20:32
  Becky Endicott: And trying to make the world a better place. But we do recognize that we are not pouring into ourselves very well at all. So I think that this, your story is one that really resonates with me. And I would guess it would resonate with a lot of people that are listening.
• 20:47
  Jonathan McCoy: Well, the other topic that I'd love to get your feedback on, I just love thinking of you is like this accidental CEO. I mean, you're a singer that wanted to build community, they wanted to serve her fans, I'll use the word fans. And it turned into I'm sure you wake up several years later, and you're running this business that has all the overhead, you described, staff, inventory problems, all the things, you had to get really good with having honest conversations. And I know this is one of the banners you waves, I would love for you to kind of speak into that power and how we could use that in our own businesses or nonprofits or wherever people find themselves.
• 21:28
  Unknown: Goodness, yes. Because when you sit with that profit and loss statement, and you look over your finances with somebody that's like a professional, and they like have it made, they know how to do it, and you feel like you're just trying, you're just trying to like, make things work. When you sit with them, it's all of a sudden your identity can be found in that reflection of success. Like that's all of a sudden your metric of success is those numbers or those donations that came through this year, the amount of donors that you have, it's like, now, I'm sitting with somebody, and I'm finding that this is where I'm finding my value. Those types of honest conversations with people that are mentors, business, be business minded people, even even honest conversations about employees about how they don't like your leadership style, all of those types of things can really hit us in our self worth, we start to find our value and the praise of what the donations look like the praise of what the employees think the praise of what people online think. And next thing, you know, our self worth, and our self esteem is on this like heartbeat of up and down, up and down. It's like a roller coaster of, you know, if I maintain these things, then I'm valued in my company, and valued in my mission and valued in the community I serve. And then if something rocks the boat, you lose a sense of identity, because identity really can't be found in those metrics. And that's what I found the honest conversations of sitting with somebody looking at those profit and last statement.
• 22:58
  Unknown: And I remember, a mentor of mine said, Aaron, your metric of success. And your metric of your metric of impact is not found in your finances. And it was so refreshing to hear that because when I first started so worth loving, my accountant told me over my dead body, are you starting a retail business, and I quit the next day after he said that to start a retail.
• 23:27
  Becky Endicott: And 10 years later, she said some is so loving, so worth loving sweatshirt, we love our bean counters, we haven't accounted it well. And I just think that's their job to tell you that we're in the business of you know, much more than profit and loss.
• 23:42
  Becky Endicott: It's so ironic, you're talking about that. I mean, john and i were literally texting about that last night at like a little before midnight. And we were just sitting in the gratitude of like the place that we're in, and that it's not just about like dollars and cents, because the human impact of it is the revolutionary part of it. And so and I do think what you're saying about having honest conversations and making sure that we're not getting caught up in all the things that are making us feel like a less than perfect human. You know, it's like we've got to be able to rise up above that.
• 24:19
  Unknown: Yes, I remember when somebody came up to me at a coffee shop, this was six years ago. And they came up to me and they were so excited. And they were telling me about what so are loving men to them, y'all. I remember I got a cup of coffee at this stupid, expensive place.
• 24:32
  Unknown: Why was I spending like $10 on a latte with? No. I'm more enthusiastic about that than this person sharing their heart to me. And I could have listened to the fact that I didn't respond in a empathetic way.
• 24:53
  Unknown: Instead, it was like apathetic, which is worse. It's worse to become apathetic towards your mission. And I recognized I remember getting in the car and be like that, huh? Anyways, moving on. Then when I hit rock bottom, I was brought back to that memory. And I remember just thinking, Oh, that was a signal.
• 25:16
  Unknown: And I wasn't really being honest with why I was just kind of anymore. Like, why was it? Why was that? You know, and I think we have to ask as leaders and especially as leaders, pursuing something that is missional and it has bigger impact beyond our profits. Bigger impact beyond its life impact, we have to pay attention to those little moments where we're starting to experience apathy, or discontentment, or finding our value and rechecking, if our, we got many likes on that photo, or the engagement on social media, like those are all little to me, those are all little signals of where I'm finding my sense of self worth. And they're all signals that I'm going further away from the vision and the goal, because I'm looking, really just looking side to side, what other people are doing, instead of looking at the vision forward and being excited about that, and seeing the impact that all of us collectively are making together.
• 26:19
  Jonathan McCoy: And Eddie, that was a brilliant, brilliant hack.
• 26:23
  Jonathan McCoy: Hack is too horrible of a word to use, because I think we absolutely need to be doing that. And in nonprofit, I think it's so easy to get guilty of that of just getting tone deaf to the missional moments that should be our Northstar that should cause us to pause and process and to reflect and hold my share with them with people when you have those moments. But when you're dead to that, like it is time for a true check of life and check of purpose and because we just we need leaders that are activated, you know, and engaged with their mission.
• 26:56
  Jonathan McCoy: And so I love I love that you're having that conversation with us.
• 27:00
  Becky Endicott: And people not even just leaders. I mean, just even the frontline, you know, the little intern that's in our office, like how do we make sure that everyone feels seen that everyone feels we talked a lot about abundance mindset that everyone feels like they have a place at the table that they have a voice to offer and something to give, and I and I really love this exploration of apathy. Because I mean, I think all of us are, are in a paralysis right now, we've been in this pandemic for almost a year now. And you know, we're gonna have to weather it a little bit longer. And nonprofit professionals particularly had been hustling and pivoting and trying to make some lemonade out of these lemons that has taken away, you know, in person events, in person solicitations, all of these things that we just took for granted that we could do to operate our business. And I would wager that many are extremely tired, that many are worn down, many are feeling very apathetic, because we've had to take on so much more. And, you know, I wonder what advice you would give to them, you see this individual wherever they are in the world, and they're just having a hard time finding inspiration, what would you say to them?
• 28:15
  Unknown: I would say, Oh, I would say to sometimes when we go through a huge change in our life, our immediate response is to change more things. It's like when a big change happens, we're like, we need to change more things. I would encourage, this has made me not be a popular answer.
• 28:40
  Jonathan McCoy: I can't wait.
• 28:42
  Unknown: When I went through immense change, I mean, changes staff fulfillment, marriage, status, reputation, all within a year, I mean, everything was stripped of me, my first inclination was to change more, pivot more, do more, put this pressure on me to like, move forward, and this and this and this and check off these boxes.
• 29:02
  Unknown: And I was scarcity mindset. And you know, that quote, desperate people do desperate things, I was so desperate, that I just kept doing more desperate things that put me in a deeper hole, and put the vision of sober living in a deeper hole, I started making decisions that are not a reflection of, of what where we originally would ever want to go or do or agree to and nothing like battered, dirty or wrong. It's just not the right path. And, and it was because I was desperate. And so anybody that is in the season of huge change and loss, my encouragement is to be still in the change. Because in stillness does create a renewed vision.
• 29:50
  Unknown: Because you sometimes have to be faced with stillness to see, you know, one, what you're made of one what your missions made up.
• 29:58
  Unknown: One of the team culture is made of, it gives you the stillness gives you that opportunity. And I know that somebody listening is like, Yeah, but you haven't seen my finances or my bills and my things. No, I completely understand that I completely, completely understand that. I remember being at a coffee shop, I had $13 in my bank account, and I had zero money, and I was 80 grand in debt. I had no idea how I was going to be able to do some of the things and I just kept making even more poor choices. Like I just kept moving. And I think sometimes we need to just be still to experience what changes support To do and us, which sounds really florally I know. But I do think there's some truth to that, of sitting in our change.
• 30:43
  Unknown: Because when our external is all changing. I mean, we got to look at what's what is it doing to us internally for how we're gonna start showing up for the communities we live in versus react being reactionary.
• 30:58
  Jonathan McCoy: I mean this in the most genuine way, Aaron, you need to write a book. And oh, wait, I'm so excited that you've written.
• 31:06
  Becky Endicott: She has. We talked about it.
• 31:09
  Jonathan McCoy: But I love that this is coming from a place of just I mean, your wisdom on these topics is just so sage, and I feel like you're so young get so wise, but I'm just loving this conversation. Julie, I don't want to miss this opportunity. We text each other during any little hack. And Julie's like can I please get in here and ask about you know, I,
• 31:28
  Unknown: I'm just sitting here wondering if you have special wisdom or special advice for I'm 25 any other like young professionals that are coming out of grad school just starting in their careers? How can we keep this mindset as our North Star? And maybe what would you like, go back and tell yourself back in the day?
• 31:47
  Unknown: That's a great question. I am, you know, because I started so worth loving when I was 24.
• 31:51
  Unknown: Yeah, I was 24. So I started over them as 24. I'm so grateful that I kept with it. Because I think when you are 2425 26% weight, when you're you know you're starting off, it's so easy to have squirrel syndrome.
• 32:11
  Unknown: Because we look at like what other people are doing. We're like, Whoa, they've had more impact. Whoa, and you're like, keep looking side to side. And I'm so glad that I just kept saying, I'm just going to trust the process. And then trust the process, surround myself with people that are wise beyond me.
• 32:28
  Unknown: And they can be my no people, not just my Yes, people. And they will keep me on track to the Northstar, like you ask, I'm so glad that I did that. I'm not I don't I'm not saying like all pat myself on the back, I'm so wise. But it's so easy to do.
• 32:44
  Unknown: Because I am very much a start 8000 businesses, I have like 50 domains I promise on I
• 32:50
  Jonathan McCoy: Oh my god. I was getting embarrassed looking at my GoDaddy account.
• 32:56
  Unknown: I was so many in that.
• 32:56
  Unknown: And all of them are great ideas.
• 33:00
  Unknown: Yeah, they're all great. But if you have this, like, I want to start something, we can almost get addicted to that to where we start multiple things instead of staying with the one thing. So if you are with a company that you just really believe in, stay with them. And don't get addicted to the feeling of jumping to company to company, stay with them. Because you're going to always feel that you're going to always feed that you're going to always have that appetite. So staying with to staying with the business, you're starting staying with the company that you're with just staying. I think that is just the one thing that I am proud that I did when I was 24. I bounced around a lot. I mean, I'm not a very focused person.
• 33:42
  Unknown: So I sound like I am. But like, I'm so glad that I did. Because I'm now seeing, you know, 1010 to 12 years later of some of the things I started when I was 2324 and 25. And now seeing the fruit of because I stuck with it even in the midst of feeling like a complete crazy person. Because I everybody thinks you're crazy.
• 34:06
  Unknown: pursue something?
• 34:08
  Jonathan McCoy: Well, you know, that's one of our core values, too, is play the long game, you know, and that's what you're preaching here. And I think it is so such a solid point. And in today's marketplace to where people are changing jobs all the time. This can be your secret sauce that you're bought in when it gets hard when it gets ugly.
• 34:22
  Jonathan McCoy: You keep showing up. I think more people need to buy into that philosophy. So I've loved that you've went there. Okay, can we circle back to what I was going to talk about, which is your book is so worth loving?
• 34:37
  Jonathan McCoy: Please tell us about this process and what you know, where did you take us in this book?
• 34:39
  Jonathan McCoy: And where can we get it all those things?
• 34:43
  Unknown: Yes. Well, it's funny because I have a theme with my life because I accidentally started a business and then I accidentally wrote a book. I actually posted something on Instagram the other day where I put on Facebook four years ago, I talked about writing in my journal and like the past couple days, I wrote 13,000 words. And on Facebook. I said maybe I should write a book question mark. I was four years ago. So this is literally yesterday, four years ago. The book, I will when I went through a divorce I was in I was in trauma therapy.
• 35:20
  Unknown: So it's going to trauma therapy and writing has always been a huge journaler since I was I have my earliest journals when I was 12 years old. So I've always like writing has always been a thing and I have some journals that have been blank. Because I've been through seasons where I'm an avoidant of my feelings and writing them down. And but I'm the healthiest when I do write them down, and I process them, because I think when we journal. So I know I think when we journal, we think that if we put down, you know, on paper, what we feel that means it's true. And that doesn't mean it's true, it just means we're getting it out in a safe place, you know. And so I am in therapy, and then and just coming out of the divorce and processing feelings and childhood wounds and all the things that you do with therapy, I, I started writing, about grief about friendship about community. Because I had experienced so much grief, lack of community, poor friendships.
• 36:17
  Unknown: I started processing relationships after my divorce had jumped into the dating scene and started dating a lot of people. So I write about, I started journaling about that finding my self worth and all these different metrics, I was just journaling it. And I remember thinking, maybe, maybe this would help somebody, but I don't want to, I don't want to air out my dirty laundry. And there are people attached to my story that I want to honor also.
• 36:40
  Unknown: So how can I share some things that I've gone through in just the course of observing stories of so worth loving, being present in my own story, about awareness, about ownership, about receiving grace, about my anger towards guide my anger towards community, and then learning how to create healthy boundaries and protect what I'm doing the inner work on, and then how to be a better neighbor. Like, like, I've learned all of that, what and I've been journaling about it, I'd love to create something like, like for that. And so, I told a friend that I've written about at the time I put together a book proposal, this is a little behind the scenes, which it knows me and asked me to go towards, but I'm just going to share it just keep going. Um, I, I put together a book proposal with no plan to give it to an agent or a publisher. I did it just to see if I could do it just to see if I could promise writing something just to see if I could create an outline of a book. And I told a friend and she connected me to an agent and an agent and I had a two hour conversation and he was like, I think you have something here we go to two years later, she's out in the world, she she came out January 19. And it's about just learning to dislike discovering your self worth and being very gracious to yourself, when you start to look at some of the icky things that you maybe choices that you've made, or things that have happened to you and your upbringing or in your friendships and processing that in a safe place. And my hope for anybody that reads this book, doesn't read my story but sees their story and the emotions that they are feeling in it and feel less alone.
• 38:33
  Becky Endicott: I already feel it just personally for myself, I won't speak for john or Julie.
• 38:36
  Becky Endicott: But I mean, I'm already see myself in in your story, which you know, converges very similarly with the story that I have to and i and i would think that that's probably reminiscent of everyone and, and how timely that you wrote this book two years ago that it could be delivered. Now, in this pandemic, when, you know, we're all you know, experiencing some level of depression or anxiety or fear of what's coming or fatigue from what we've been through, you know, we have to recognize those things and sit in them for a moment. And I think that's one of the things that you've said that has impacted me the most is sitting in your stillness and processing that I'm like you I'm a writer, I process through writing. I've been journaling since I was a kid too. And sometimes I don't even know what I'm thinking or feeling until I start putting it out there. And so I understand that journaling is not for everyone writing is not but find a person find an outlet like if you're right, if you're a bicyclist, like process through that while you're bicycling rather than just turn off your air pods for a second and just be inside your own head. I actually think you can see some growth. I want to talk a little bit about storytelling because I think that you do it so well.
• 39:49
  Becky Endicott: And you have a really great story that you could tell us of either philanthropy or impact from one of your community members who has touched you.
• 40:04
  Unknown: Oh, it's that's gonna be hard to pick. There's so many stories that come into so worth loving. Man, you know, I received I remember the very first story I received. So I was I was on a business retreat with an organization called plywood people. They do a lot of conferences and things like that for nonprofit and social good businesses. And they there was their very first retreat that they'd ever done and I had just I was too Two months into starting, so worth loving. And I remember being in one of those meetings, I just felt a little overwhelmed because it was like, find your why and like, all of these, like, you know, focus like maps and like all these like logistic details
• 40:49
  Becky Endicott: out at that moment,
• 40:52
  Unknown: you're supposed to fill out.
• 40:54
  Jonathan McCoy: And I'm like, I don't know,
• 40:56
  Unknown: that feels very like absolute. If I write something down in two months it you know.
• 40:59
  Unknown: But I got this store, I remember after just being kind of like, oh, man, that was a long day, I got an email from a woman that served on our team, eventually served on our team at the time, was just somebody that I'd never met before. And she had, she had shared with me that she had been through sexual abuse when she was seven, to 11. And then experienced, just just, I mean, it could not her story could just could not have been just more heartbreaking with sexual abuse, and rape and abandonment and adoption, and drug addiction and eating disorder all within a span of her life of like 15 years. And she went through rehabilitation, and she went through counseling and trauma therapy, and on the other side, emailing us and sharing how so worth loving, all through that, like all through her rehabilitation. No one ever, like told her that she was valued and worth loving until she started seeking help from professionals. And I just remember thinking, this is why we exist, because she was sharing, you know, I've just I had felt so alone for 15 years until I started seeking help.
• 42:25
  Unknown: And I thought that this is why we exist, we exist because people feel alone, they feel alone in their own story. And while her story specifically just like hit me so hard, and there was so many complexities to it. And I think sometimes we think Well, my stories, you know, I don't have any sometimes we over glamorize, you know, just heartbreak. And we're like, Well, my story is so simple, I don't really have a story, you know, or, or my story is so extreme that no one will ever understand. It's always the pendulum is swinging. But the one thing I learned is that, that either side of the either side of the pendulum, we feel alone. And that's the common denominator. And so that story, for sure, I but then, you know, we receive stories, often about I'm going through divorce right now, my community of belief, like people that are in the Christian faith, like specifically, I'm just bringing up stories that come to my mind automatically have outcasted me, I don't feel welcomed anywhere, I don't feel loved, I feel the carry, I'm carrying shame and guilt. I've seen stories of, I can get out of bed, I don't want to brush my teeth, I don't want to shave my legs, I just want to sleep all day and drink all day.
• 43:37
  Unknown: That sounds like a day that I want to do. I've seen those stories of just wrestling with the heartbreak and the ache of what life throws our way. And sometimes it's choices we make.
• 43:51
  Unknown: And sometimes it's choices that were completely out of our control. Those are some of the stories that kind of come to my mind that I that we see. So we're living seas,
• 44:03
  Jonathan McCoy: I mean, what a gift that you get to be at this spot exactly where you're supposed to be helping people and seeing people that feel unseen. And I just think, you know, we love talking to social entrepreneurs and forget entrepreneurs. And part of that is like, you could have just made a profitable t shirt business and probably have made it you know, but by connecting to this bigger cause and bigger purpose, hopefully it's been profitable. But you've also been a part of these people's story and change lives. And it's like, put them on a completely different trajectory. And I think having a vision that's that big and that bright. With something like so worth loving, you just put so much more meaning and goodness into the world. So thank you for sticking with it through the hard through the sitting and looking at the profit and loss statements. It just feels like it is worth it, you know, on this side of it, getting to sit down and all these stories you get to be a part of I hope that spurs some interest in people that have an idea listening today. Don't Don't sit on that. Aaron, we love to ask all of our guests one good thing. And we define this as you know, hack for success or maybe it's just a piece of advice. What is something you'd offer up our community today? You
• 45:15
  Unknown: know, if you need the permission to like, book a $60 a night Airbnb to just go take a nap for a day. That's the good thing I'm going to tell you to do. I think you should go do that. Because even if $60 is a lot 92 $120 depending on your budget, $200 night is a lot. If it's 60 bucks, it is worth it for you to get a really long nap. And if you need the permission to do that, the good thing I'm gonna tell you to do is to just go and do it. Because your rest is so important. That would be my encouragement.
• 45:56
  Becky Endicott: Okay, I wonder I want to read something really quickly. And I don't do this very often. But Aaron in, in in correlation with that just such simple, heartfelt piece of advice that you gave there.
• 46:06
  Becky Endicott: Aaron has a manifesto on her website. And john and i are big Manifesto, people. And for people that don't know what that is, it is basically your love letter, your anthem, your Mr.
• 46:17
  Becky Endicott: Holland's Opus about who you are and why you do what you do. And it's, you know, fairly short, but I wanted to read it because this is a way that you can look inside Aaron soul if you have not gotten it already. And I just think that it's going to help somebody today, no matter my history, past mistakes, relationship, status or career choice, I am worthy of love. I am not defined by my past, I am prepared because of it. While my own voice and others may tell me different. I will lean into the safe people that affirmed this way of thinking when I encourage others to love themselves. And I am encouraging them to treat themselves with kindness, patience, respect, and all that embodies love. We live our life knowing we have worth so worth loving. It's a lifestyle. Aaron, Eddie, you have loved us so well, on this episode. I absolutely love what you are pouring into your community, pouring into yourself pouring into our community. And it's just a gentle reminder, a nod to each of us that we need to take care of ourselves. I could tell every single person who is listening right now you are loved in this space you are cared for and appreciated in this space. And to be a vibrant member of the space we want you to take care of yourself. These are some kind of tough times right now we're we're getting it out with you love yourself well and and find someone else to love because we can all lift our hand down and pull somebody up right now and the only way we're gonna get through any any hardship in our life is through community. We don't want anybody to do this alone.
• 48:04
  Unknown: Thank y'all so much for having me. It's such an honor.
• 48:07
  Jonathan McCoy: I know you already have a fan club. We know this, but people are gonna want to join it that are finding you just for the first time today.
• 48:11
  Jonathan McCoy: How can people connect with you and so worth loving online?
• 48:16
  Unknown: Yes, you can go to sword loving, calm. Or at sword loving on Instagram. They can find me at Aaron Eddie ERYN ed d y, or Aaron Eddie calm.
• 48:26
  Jonathan McCoy: You know she has all the domains we already know this.
• 48:32
  Becky Endicott: Thank you so much for your time sharing your heart with us. We appreciate it.
• 48:35
  Unknown: Thank y'all so much.
• 48:35
  Unknown: It's so wonderful.
• 48:39
  Jonathan McCoy: Thanks so much for listening to today's conversation. We hope it resonated with you as much as it did with our team. We're pulling for you to take Aaron's advice and lean into those hard conversations this week. And don't forget to take some rest and reset you got the spreads.
• 48:51
  Jonathan McCoy: You probably hear it in our voices but we love connecting you with the most innovative people to help you achieve more of your mission than ever before. Every Monday we send a weekly roundup of our best content and resources to the good community sign up for free at weird for good calm slash Hello. And one more thing if you love what you heard today, would you mind leaving us a podcast rating and review? It means the world to us and Your support helps more people find this community. Thanks so much friends, our production heroes The one who keeps us looking at something good Julie Confer
• 49:15
  Unknown: What's up
• 49:16
  Jonathan McCoy: nothing Sanga sunray by Remy boys boom