Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #266 I'll Do Better Tomorrow - The Noah's Ark Edition

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#266 I'll Do Better Tomorrow - The Noah's Ark Edition · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Now, kids make mistakes.
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: People matter, the stuff doesn't. People matter.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, My mum
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: and dad.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coulson. I've written a bunch
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: of books about making families happy, and I'm here with Kylie,
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: mum to our six daughters, and I'm really nervous about
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: today's podcast. I'll Do Better Tomorrow is what we do
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: on a Friday. For those of you who are unfamiliar
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: with I'll Do Better Tomorrow. It's an opportunity for us
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: to reflect on the week that was and talk about
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: how our family could be better as a result of
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: the mistakes that we made, or sometimes what we can
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: take from our successes during the week can be more intentional.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Next week, it's a moment of reflection. And this week, well,
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: I didn't do very well, and I've decided that I'm
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: going to come clean about everything that I got wrong.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Look at you smiling about this and thinking the parenting
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: expert about to suffer. I'm squirming.
• 1:01
  Speaker 4: What I love about this experience is the reason we
• 1:04
  Speaker 4: actually called this episode I'll Do Better Tomorrow is because
• 1:08
  Speaker 4: one of our favorite children's story books is called by
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: that name, and there is an experience in that story
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: there that we actually we live.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: We lived it. Let's give you some background actually before
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: we do it. I want to do my old do
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: better tomorrow, So I want to share an experience where
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: I blew it, and then you can. I'm sure that
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: you're going to share the experience where I blew it,
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: but it'll be a different experience every week. With I'll
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: Do Better Tomorrow, I share an experience, Kylie shares an experience.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: We're pretty sure we know where this is already going, though,
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: because of the experience that we had a quick little
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: bit of a backdrop though, Because the podcast drops at
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: five am, we have to record at least a day
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: or two ahead of time so that you get the
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: podcast on time and you can listen to it when
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: you want to. On Monday morning, we just had Mother's
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Day and I asked Kylie how Mother's Day had been,
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: And if you are listening closely, you would have noticed
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: that Kylie didn't answer the question at all. Here's what
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: she said, did you have a nice Mother's Day?
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: You know, one of the things that I love about
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: Mother's Day is being able to reflect.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: And so, Kylie, you never really answered the question, because
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: we recorded it on Friday. I just figured you were
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: going to say, oh, it was great, it was wonderful.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: I'm so glad, But you didn't do that. You kind
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: I'm pretty grateful that I didn't do that.
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: It would have been because anyone who knows us would
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: have known exactly what I was going on.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: So anyway, we got through Monday's episode, and it was
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: actually a really beautiful episode because we focused on what
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: the kids had to say about Mother's Day and that
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: great piece that you wrote about your mum. But the
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: real story of what happened on Mother's Day is what
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: our episode of Old Do Better Tomorrow was about today
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: leading into that. Though my story for I'd Do Better
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: Tomorrow is not Mother's Day, it's the night before. So
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: we went out Saturday night with some friends. We went
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: to a fancy restaurant, had a great time with them.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: Supposed to leave it about eight eight p thirty, get
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: home and be in bed for our usual bedtime of
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: something like nine nine thirty, but we were having such
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: a great time with these friends that we decided to
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: stay out and stay out, and stay out. We walked
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: through the Botanic gardens, looked at some contemporary art installations,
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: went and bought gelato from the Queen Street Mare, wandered
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: around town, and I think we got into bed a
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: little after midnight, which it was pretty late, which isn't
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: good for us. And you were up at five point
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: thirty the next morning, because for those of you who
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: aren't familiar, we go to church on a Sunday and
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: you had a lesson to prepare it forour Mother's Day,
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: So you were out of bed at five point thirty
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: preparing your lesson to teach, which meant that we were
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: living on about five hours of sleep for the night,
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: five and a half hours of sleep. And let's just.
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: Say one of us deals with that a little bit
• 3:40
  Speaker 4: better than the other.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: And I don't deal with it well at all. Let's
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: just say which one of us it is. I don't
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: cope when I don't get enough sleep, which probably is
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: my take home message, get enough sleep, for you're going
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: to be a really lousy parent when stuff goes wrong
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: as it did. Let's find out why we're talking about
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: Mother's Day for old do better tomorrow.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: Next, it's the Happy Famili's podcast for.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: A happier family.
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: Try a Happy Families membership, because a happy family doesn't
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: just happen.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: Details at happy families dot com dot Au.
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: It's the Happy Family's podcast, the podcast for the time
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: poor parent who just wants answers now, And we are
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: giving you a bird's eye view today of the disaster
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: that was my Mother's Day.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I actually want to hear the story.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: I'm still I feel like I'm still traumatized by it.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to go quiet. And why don't you share,
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: because I've already shared my old do better tomorrow? What
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: was your story, honey?
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: One look, Mother's.
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  Speaker 4: Day in the past has been a pretty non event
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: in our house. We've had lots of children, and the
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: kids usually buy me something from the Mother's Day still,
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: and Dally might make me breakfast in bed, or let's
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: be honest, you make me breakfast in bed, and that's
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: about it. And so last year I kind of went,
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: you know, damn it, I want to do something that
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: I can enjoy and one of the things that I
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: do not get to do enough is have a bath.
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: And so I decided that I was going to have.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: And I was getting a bit frustrated by the.
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: Whole day, and I finally just said, you know what,
• 5:04
  Speaker 4: I can't get angry at them if I've never taught
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: them how to do anything in this area. So I
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: took the seven year old and the ten year old
• 5:11
  Speaker 4: into the bathroom. I filled the bath with bubbles so
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: we were completely covered up, and they each learnt how
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: to give me a facial and a foot scrub, and
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: they did a really, really fantastic job. But this year
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: they decided to up the ante because they included everyone.
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: Everyone got involved, and they decided that they had this
• 5:31
  Speaker 4: wonderful plan. So I came home from church and there
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: was a towel on my bed, a clean.
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: Towel al ready to go with a chocolate because I
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: love my chocolate. And I was.
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: Told that I was going to have my very own
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: day spar experience at home.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: I can't help myself. I have to jump in. I
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: also let the kids know last year that they're all
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: big enough to look after you for Mother's Day, that
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: it shouldn't be my responsibility. I'm a son to my mum,
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: and I need to make sure that I'm in touch
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: with marm and give her a nice Mother's Day. But
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: they're responsible for your Mother's Day, not me. So I
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: still went and bought all the groceries and made sure
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: that they had what they needed for a nice Mother's
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: Day for you. But it's totally on them. Oh and
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: also at Happy Families on the Facebook page, we gave
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: away Me and My Mum a booklet for kids to
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: color in and answer all the questions about so that
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: they could make Mum feel special on Mother's Day. So
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: the kids did that, but ultimately I'm handballing it to them,
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: and that's how things probably went wrong.
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: Well, what I loved was they actually had all got involved.
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  Speaker 4: They had a plan, they each had a role in
• 6:33
  Speaker 4: that plan, and they were going to give me an
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: experience to remember.
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: And I think that they did that.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think they did.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: So it started with a bath.
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  Speaker 2: Actually, no, that's kind of where it ended. Kind of Actually,
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: I probably need to jump in here as well, because
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: the long and the short of it is that one
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: of the kids was running the bath so that they
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: could give you a special bath, and then they were
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: going to massage you on the massage table. And they
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: filled the bath and forgot that they were running it,
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: and it overflowed. And it didn't just overflow. I think
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: it overflowed for probably about thirty or forty minutes, multiple
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: bath tubs full of water flow.
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  Speaker 4: The bathtub is at the other end of the house.
• 7:13
  Speaker 4: We were all at one end of the house and
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: they were at the other end of the house. They'd
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: started the bath and then just walked away pretty much.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: And so the water has flowed into the downstairs TV
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: room and we've got a there's a media projects it's
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: gone through.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: The floor cavity.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's gone into the ceiling. It's gone into the
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: ceiling downstairs, and we've got an a media projector in
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: that room that was there when we bought the house.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: It's never worked. We have no idea how to make
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: it work. And it's an old junkie thing that they
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: probably paid one hundred bucks for an eBay. But it
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: was barely hanging onto the ceiling because so much water
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: had come through the floor into the ceiling that the
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: ceiling was so sodden that the screws were falling through.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: The Water was literally pouring through the light fixtures. It
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: was pouring out of the hole for the projector. I
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: went down the next day and I can put I
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: could push my fingers through the jip rock above the
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: door because there was so much water that went through there.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: There's insulation bats in the ceiling. They're probably to dampen
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: the noise between the two levels of the house, and
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: they're sodden. They've absorbed. I reckon four bath tubs full
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: of water in the time that that bath kept on running.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: So one of the kids alerted us to it by
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: stepping into the inland lake downstairs and saying, the floors
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: went down here, why And that's when one of the
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: kids has gone, oh, no, the bath. We've never had
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: this happen before. And then you wanted to come down
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: and see it, and I almost tackled you on the stairs.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: I'm like, no, it's Mother's Day. You're going to stay
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: up here and you're going to have a good time. Well,
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: I go downstairs and deal with this. I mean, it
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: really put a dampener on our mother's day.
• 8:44
  Speaker 4: It all happened just as Chanelle was putting lunch on
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: the table, so there was a lot of chaos going on,
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: and I just you were very adamant that I was
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: not going downstairs, and so I thought, I'm just gonna
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: have to make the best of this. So we sat
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: down all the girls because you and Jared had on downstairs.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: When Jared walked up the stairs, so Jared's his son
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: in law by the way.
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: An hour or so later, he looked like he'd had
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: a shower in his clothes. He was dripping, his hair
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: was wet. I really can't I can't even begin to
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: imagine what you guys had walked into.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: I'm not even kidding. It was an when I say
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: an inland lake that Fortunately the floor is tiled, but
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: the water was in great puddles across the entire thing.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: We had to take the lounge out, we had to
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: take the coffee table out, We had to take all
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: of the furniture out. There was I think we soaked
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: at least thirty towels full of water. Not to mention
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: that we were using the mop and the bucket and
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: the sponges. Like the water was covering the walls. It
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: was everywhere, which is why the builder has told us
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: that we need to replace the ceilings in the walls.
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: So I ended up having a very cold bath.
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: Because all the water, the hot water got used to
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: the water, and I sat in there and tried to
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: be calm and relaxed while I had a mani facial
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: and a foot scrub right and then meantime the washing
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: machines wearing right next door. The door was being opened
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: and closed and slammed.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: It was pretty stinky in there. I don't know what.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: You came out smelling like they had.
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: Three different candles scented, not just normal candles scented, three
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: different scented candles burning in the tiny bathroom space. And
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: from there I was ushered out of the bathroom and
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: into one of the bedrooms where they had set up
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: the massage table so I could have a massage.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: So that's about when I came upstairs from cleaning downstairs,
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: and there was twelve sets of hands massaging different parts
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: of your body. So I've climbed under the massage table
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: so I could laugh at you while you laughed at
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: me because of what I just had to deal with downstairs.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: And I just remember they had that nice, calming massage
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: music on and the room smelt kind of nice ish
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: in a weird way.
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: I don't know how much strawberry moose they stuck on
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: my body But.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: What was the funniest was that the kids, like, a
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: massage is supposed to be relaxing, and all I can
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: hear is the kids whacking each other's hand, saying, that's
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: my part. You do a lot of pet men. You
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: can't message that pattern, that's my part to massage.
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: At one point I said to Annie, are you supposed
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: to be relaxing me? She was like, oh, Mom, what
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: am I doing wrong?
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: It was like a distinct and significant form of a
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: new form of torture. Just get six girls some massage. Mum.
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: Look, I'm looking for it.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: I'm looking to the future.
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: Right in a few years time, this twelve pounded massage
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: is going to be delightful. But as we're learning, there's
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: a lot to learn.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: So we had a cold lunch that was supposed to
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: be hot. We had at least one daughter who was
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: bailing her eyes out because first of all, I was
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: pretty cranky and she knew it. And while I tried
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: not to take it out on her, I kind of
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: did a little bit, but she just felt so bad
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: and she was bailing her eyes out while you were
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: trying to get a massage, mind you, as well as
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: through lunch screaming kids, a flooded TV room.
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: A cold bath, a gold that was probably the worst
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: part of my day.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: A cold bath. So what's the take home message for this?
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: I'll do better tomorrow because that sounds like a really
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: big SOB story.
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: Look, I think there's a couple of things that we
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: can learn from this, and one of them is just
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: recognizing that while children have wonderful ideas, it doesn't really
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: matter how old they are, they probably just need a
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: little bit of supervision.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: Oh you putting this hard on me. I can't believe
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: you're putting it back on me. Gosh, I've told the kids,
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: look after mum, how hard can it be to switch
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: off the damn bath? Sure? Okay, bit of extra supervision,
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: I get. You know what my take home message is
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: other than make sure that because I reckon, we would
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: have dealt with it much better if we had more
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: than five hours of sleep. I think that that would
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: have helped. But my take home message listening to that
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: story and reflecting across the week is we were kids
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: one as well, and we've all done stuff that's upset people.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: Flooded houses, broken windows, left freezers open, and defrosted meat
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: like kids make mistakes.
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: People matter. This stuff doesn't. People matter?
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, So when I'm paying the builder for replacing
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: our walls and ceiling, I'll look at my daughter and
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: say that her people matter, things don't.
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: It's a good ceiling.
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: We hope that your mother's day was eventful and memorable, just.
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: Like it's not as eventful as our.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: It's just not like ours. And we really appreciate the
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: fact that you listen to the podcast, and we hope
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: that it's helpful for you and for your family. He
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: next week, we've got some really interesting conversations coming up
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: on the podcast. We'll be having our third conversation with
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Jessica Lay, the author of the New York Times bestseller
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: of The Gift of Failure. This one will be about
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: her brand new book about mummies drinking. Should be quite fascinating.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: Also a follow up to a conversation we had a
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: few weeks about paying kids to do well at sports.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: As some parents are doing podcasts at Happy Families dot
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: com dot you. There's been a lot of feedback on
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: that one and a request that we talk about body
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: image from Michelle who said that her eight year old
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: daughter is saying that she's fat, and she's not quite
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: sure what to do to be helpful, so please join
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: us for the podcast next week. The Happy Famili's podcast
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: is produced by Justin Rhan from Bridge Media and Craig
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Bruce is our executive producer. If you'd like morefo especially
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: about our memberships and how we can help your family
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: to be happier, we'd love for you to check out
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: all the details at happyfamilies dot com, dot a