Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Table Guests: Dr. Kelly Stephens - Create your own Family Reality... but don't say "we" | Ep. 41

Transcript

Table Guests: Dr. Kelly Stephens - Create your own Family Reality... but don't say "we" | Ep. 41 · The Parenting Podcast

• 1:00
  cheryl: well, Dr.
• 1:01
  cheryl: Kelly Stephens, welcome back to the parenting
• 1:03
  kelly: podcast.
• 1:04
  kelly: Oh gosh.
• 1:04
  kelly: It is great to be back I, uh, I just listened to yesterday's episode on arguing and I can't think of a more timely topic.
• 1:14
  kelly: uh, for many parents, At, at nearly every age group, maybe starting at two or 18 months when they learned that two letter word.
• 1:21
  kelly: No, but, uh, uh, yeah, it was, it was excellent.
• 1:25
  kelly: Oh, thank you.
• 1:26
  kelly: So.
• 1:27
  kelly: After I listened to the episode in which I was featured I felt like I was the most clunky interviewee I had ever heard, and I was never gonna come back.
• 1:38
  kelly: And then you invited me and I'm very, very glad, but between this week's and weeks and two weeks ago, when I was on before.
• 1:47
  kelly: You and the rest of the quartet really summarize.
• 1:51
  kelly: My very raw idea and polished it up and made it sound really good.
• 1:56
  kelly: So you can skip the part where I'm in it and just talk about it, you guys, because that was so good.
• 2:02
  cheryl: Thank you.
• 2:03
  cheryl: for your kind words.
• 2:05
  cheryl: Well, Kelly I'm one thing I'm excited about is I think an unforeseen.
• 2:09
  cheryl: Positive benefit of having you on here.
• 2:11
  cheryl: Okay.
• 2:12
  cheryl: Because when we came up with the idea and we thought about, and planned and prayed about what is the parenting podcast going to be?
• 2:19
  cheryl: We just thought since the team is women, that we would be speaking mostly to moms.
• 2:25
  cheryl: And so this
• 2:26
  kelly: is a matriarchy, is that what you're saying?
• 2:28
  kelly: Okay.
• 2:28
  kelly: There we go.
• 2:29
  kelly: Well, that
• 2:29
  cheryl: we were just thought that would be the audience we would appeal to.
• 2:32
  cheryl: And so I think maybe having you on here and just as we're getting to be known a little bit more I've had several dads say, why aren't you talking to us?
• 2:42
  kelly: And I think that's a very positive, uh, thing.
• 2:45
  kelly: And I am seeing it in my practice as well.
• 2:48
  kelly: More and more fathers are.
• 2:50
  kelly: Invested in their children as babies.
• 2:53
  kelly: Yeah.
• 2:53
  kelly: And on through, instead of just showing up once they can throw a ball or drive a car or to tell'em they can't do something.
• 3:00
  kelly: so dads are in charge.
• 3:02
  kelly: of some children.
• 3:03
  kelly: The stay at home dads yeah.
• 3:05
  kelly: Are not an unusual thing anymore.
• 3:07
  kelly: And the, um, difference between the parenting style of a mom and a dad is stark and it's not bad.
• 3:16
  kelly: I mean, I feel like children benefit from both sides of that Yes.
• 3:20
  kelly: instead of your dad's the guy that comes home after work, after your mom's, you know, told you all these things all day, and mom said no.
• 3:28
  kelly: then you're gonna try to bounce some of them off of him and see if he can.
• 3:31
  kelly: Say yes.
• 3:31
  kelly: Instead of no so I think the reality of a lot of families should be dad is.
• 3:36
  kelly: important in these things instead of he's just there in the night.
• 3:40
  cheryl: Well, that's what we would promote and we weren't meaning to exclude.
• 3:44
  cheryl: No, no.
• 3:45
  cheryl: And we were to include, we always say all stages, all ages and we're just expanding it.
• 3:50
  cheryl: Now we're actually going to begin intentional saying listeners dads and parents Rather than just Moms, So moms tell your husbands to listen to us.
• 4:00
  kelly: Now we have to listen to the parenting podcast.
• 4:02
  kelly: There we go.
• 4:03
  Cheryl (2): And Kelly you're a part of this.
• 4:04
  Cheryl (2): Just another big step for us here is we're heading towards our first
• 4:08
  kelly: year.
• 4:08
  kelly: Well, that's great.
• 4:09
  kelly: I mean, that's gotta be a big milestone.
• 4:11
  kelly: Yes.
• 4:12
  kelly: Oh, I'm really
• 4:12
  Cheryl (2): excited.
• 4:13
  cheryl: And Kelly you're right.
• 4:14
  cheryl: You don't have time to develop your ideas with each of your patients or in your practice with parents.
• 4:21
  cheryl: You kind of have a little sound bite.
• 4:24
  cheryl: Yes.
• 4:24
  cheryl: Very interaction.
• 4:25
  cheryl: That's the reason I want you on here, so we can take and really develop and apply your ideas
• 4:32
  kelly: but you assume l behind the sound bite or behind this movie trailer, there really is a movie and over many years of delivering the sound bite and then leaving it.
• 4:44
  kelly: To the person that heard it to either implement or not implement it.
• 4:48
  kelly: I have not necessarily developed the birthday box.
• 4:52
  kelly: I have not necessarily developed most of the concepts out to their eighth degree.
• 4:57
  kelly: I've not written a book on anything.
• 4:59
  kelly: I've not made a podcast.
• 5:01
  kelly: I've not made an ebook or anything, but I, I feel like this does give.
• 5:06
  kelly: An opportunity for me to flesh out some of the ideas that I've had and then get feedback and, and pick on the things that need to be worked
• 5:15
  cheryl: on.
• 5:16
  cheryl: Fantastic.
• 5:17
  cheryl: that's why I want you here.
• 5:18
  cheryl: All right.
• 5:18
  cheryl: I'm so excited.
• 5:19
  cheryl: We have had good feedback on birthday boxes and, uh, I'm just looking forward to talking to you today.
• 5:27
  cheryl: About something that you mentioned?
• 5:29
  cheryl: Uh, because in the no, because you talked about the big picture of parenting is we're in a trip We start on one side of the country and then we release them and that's the journey.
• 5:40
  cheryl: Yes.
• 5:40
  cheryl: Across the country with all its bumps and bruises and, and beautiful Yosemites and things like that.
• 5:47
  cheryl: Right.
• 5:47
  cheryl: Okay.
• 5:47
  cheryl: But one of the things you said.
• 5:49
  cheryl: is Create your own family reality.
• 5:52
  cheryl: Okay.
• 5:53
  cheryl: And so in thinking about that, and I even had one mom come to me and she said, what does he mean about creating your family reality?
• 6:01
  cheryl: For example, if we all think that we are pink elephants and that's our family reality, which is not in touch with reality.
• 6:11
  cheryl: Right.
• 6:11
  cheryl: So what
• 6:11
  kelly: do you mean.
• 6:12
  kelly: I am actually thinking more of an identity, probably reality and identity are synonymous in my mind, at least as far as this is concerned.
• 6:22
  kelly: So if you can find enough evidence out in the world to believe that you really are a pink elephant and convince other people that your pink elephants go for it, but in general identity or reality is just.
• 6:38
  kelly: Who you are, who you are being.
• 6:42
  kelly: On a regular basis.
• 6:43
  kelly: Mm-hmm, how you are, repeatedly acting in a certain way that suggests you have a certain identity.
• 6:51
  kelly: Now, in my opinion, if you pick the identity or the reality first, and then.
• 6:57
  kelly: Arrange the behaviors that give evidence to that.
• 7:01
  kelly: Mm-hmm, it's better.
• 7:02
  kelly: If you plan this trip across the country, at least a little bit, we're gonna go west or we're gonna go east or whichever way we're going, then you have a better idea of what you're gonna encounter on the way and how you're gonna handle things.
• 7:18
  kelly: And so that is what I mean by pick your family's reality.
• 7:22
  cheryl: All right.
• 7:23
  cheryl: So when you say pick your reality.
• 7:25
  cheryl: how would we do that?
• 7:27
  cheryl: So does this go back to the parents?
• 7:30
  cheryl: blow that up for me.
• 7:31
  cheryl: What do you mean?
• 7:31
  cheryl: Like, again, I'm saying like you would you go in the store and there are 10 different kinds of, uh, deodorant and you pick your deodorant.
• 7:39
  cheryl: So what do you mean?
• 7:41
  cheryl: Walk me through we're a young couple and we have our babies.
• 7:45
  cheryl: What do you mean when you tell me, choose my
• 7:47
  kelly: reality.
• 7:48
  kelly: So let's go, go to your deodorant analogy and say, I'm gonna look at the label of this deodorant that says, um, You know, contains, uh, kindness, generosity, love, uh, caring for others, responsibility, respect.
• 8:07
  kelly: And I wanna get that deodorant or do I want to get the one that's like.
• 8:11
  kelly: Has lots of fun.
• 8:12
  kelly: Doesn't have a bedtime eats candy all the time, the Pinocchio, island of lost boys or whatever kind of thing.
• 8:20
  kelly: So most people, at least, I mean, not everybody, there could be people who would pick the deodorant or the reality that had on the back, you know, disobedience and staying out late and just, you know, not obeying any rules, murder, stealing, probably not too many people would at least start their journey that way many, you know, end up getting there, perhaps.
• 8:42
  kelly: But if you have a family identity, you usually are going to, or I would hope you would pick one that ended up.
• 8:50
  kelly: Human beings that you would want to be around as they've grown up.
• 8:53
  kelly: So at the other end of this travel, you're taking this journey that you have people you still want to be around.
• 9:01
  cheryl: I love this because what you're saying, don't just grab parenting off the shelf, but like someone might be about deodorants.
• 9:10
  cheryl: They want to know, they care about the chemicals that they're putting in their body.
• 9:14
  cheryl: How much more we should care about our parenting and our family.
• 9:17
  cheryl: I love that.
• 9:18
  cheryl: The intentionality of saying this is the kind of family we want to be.
• 9:22
  cheryl: Right.
• 9:23
  cheryl: This is the destination we want to go to because I think I know a lot of our mistakes.
• 9:29
  cheryl: Kelly was just ignorance well, we didn't think to
• 9:33
  kelly: do that, but well myself, for sure.
• 9:36
  kelly: We've been on the road a long time.
• 9:38
  kelly: Yeah.
• 9:38
  kelly: And so we have made lots of mistakes.
• 9:40
  kelly: Yes.
• 9:40
  kelly: I, I feel like the people that teach me the most are the people that have made.
• 9:45
  kelly: The most mistakes and I should be the
• 9:47
  cheryl: best teacher you've ever
• 9:47
  kelly: known.
• 9:48
  kelly: l And there are a zillion parenting books.
• 9:52
  kelly: Yeah.
• 9:52
  kelly: Uh, and I try not to just live by one parenting book.
• 9:59
  kelly: I might have one that I refer to the most, and I like the majority of, but I have no book that I'm going to just do it because it's in that book do it Yeah.
• 10:11
  kelly: So there aren't any books that I can say, this is how I'm gonna make my kids turn out the way I want them to turn out.
• 10:16
  kelly: Yes But with a combination of.
• 10:20
  kelly: Wisdom people books, mm-hmm trial and error communication.
• 10:25
  kelly: As you guys on the parenting podcast always preach.
• 10:28
  kelly: It's a, relationship we're communicating How did that work?
• 10:31
  kelly: What do you think, how is this reality working Should we change this?
• 10:35
  kelly: Whatever.
• 10:35
  kelly: I mean, as kids get older, we're communicating with our children they should have a say in it as well.
• 10:41
  kelly: but in general The parents in my practice know pretty well.
• 10:47
  kelly: One of the very first things I put on a handout for most ages is don't say we,
• 10:54
  cheryl: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 10:55
  cheryl: Okay.
• 10:56
  cheryl: When you say that, what do you mean?
• 10:58
  cheryl: Don't say we
• 10:59
  kelly: don't say, well, we're having trouble eating our vegetables.
• 11:04
  kelly: Oh.
• 11:04
  kelly: parents I bet you're eating your vegetables.
• 11:06
  kelly: And if you're not mom or dad, that's your problem.
• 11:10
  kelly: Ah, but if your child's not, eating vegetables don't say we don't because you're giving the child the identity that they don't.
• 11:19
  kelly: Oh, they, they don't eat vegetables.
• 11:21
  kelly: Or you don't either.
• 11:23
  kelly: You're sharing their negative identity rather than a positive identity Wow.
• 11:29
  kelly: Or we're having trouble pooping.
• 11:31
  kelly: That's a big one, you know, it's like, we're all not pooping.
• 11:33
  kelly: I'm like, oh, you need to call your doctor if you're having trouble pooping.
• 11:36
  kelly: But if your child is having trouble pooping, we'll talk about it.
• 11:39
  kelly: But the idea of don't say we, in the sense of.
• 11:46
  kelly: parents Sharing some negative thing your child does.
• 11:50
  kelly: Okay.
• 11:51
  kelly: Uhhuh we're we're not doing our homework.
• 11:53
  kelly: We're not passing third grade.
• 11:54
  kelly: I'm like, you should be well past third grade by now parents so mom or dad that's the, we you don't say but I do feel like a lot of we is okay.
• 12:06
  cheryl: When you say that, now Kelly, what do you actually mean with that?
• 12:10
  cheryl: Can you explain a little bit more, unpack that for us?
• 12:14
  kelly: So we're gonna have a positive identity rather than a negative So much of like, okay, Instead of saying, the rule isn't don't stay up late Instead we're gonna be a family that goes to bed at nine o'clock, Instead of saying, we don't eat candy, You can't eat candy in our family we're gonna be a family that eats healthy.
• 12:37
  kelly: We say we pray at meals.
• 12:40
  kelly: We eat dinner as a family yes, we, we don't say words like that.
• 12:44
  kelly: We don't treat people like that.
• 12:46
  kelly: But we as a family, you're developing a family reality, Oh.
• 12:51
  kelly: So I, I first, I like the idea of obviously a positive reality, but achieving the reality through positive means.
• 12:59
  kelly: Yeah.
• 12:59
  kelly: So if your child.
• 13:00
  kelly: Isn't in bed by nine o'clock at night instead of going, oh, you're out of the family or you're not within our reality.
• 13:07
  kelly: You're like, you know, let's see if we can get you to bed a little earlier tomorrow night.
• 13:11
  kelly: It's not like you've failed and we've lost our we're gonna move the bedtime to 10, or we're gonna change this rule.
• 13:15
  kelly: It's like, let's work as a family.
• 13:18
  kelly: Give you some grace.
• 13:19
  kelly: We're gonna let you try again.
• 13:21
  cheryl: Yeah,
• 13:21
  kelly: Yes.
• 13:22
  cheryl: So really again, a positive reality.
• 13:27
  cheryl: Yes.
• 13:28
  kelly: I had a family, let's just say their name was Smith.
• 13:30
  kelly: We were talking about eating.
• 13:32
  kelly: the, the mother said, Smiths are triers.
• 13:34
  kelly: Oh, we're triers.
• 13:36
  kelly: And it was like her family identity about eating was they try they're triers.
• 13:41
  kelly: And so if you.
• 13:42
  kelly: Believe in something and you hear it and live it over and over again from early childhood, that's gonna be your identity good or bad So it's never too late but that's why I try to introduce these ideas pretty early in a child's life, but to say these positive things, Yes even if you don't achieve them.
• 14:01
  kelly: So well said on the podcast over and over again is this parenting job is not pass or fail Yes.
• 14:08
  kelly: You're gonna probably fail some every day.
• 14:10
  kelly: And we'll talk about failure in a further episode, Okay.
• 14:13
  cheryl: Kelly.
• 14:14
  cheryl: I love the mindset here.
• 14:15
  cheryl: Number one, first, like with the deodorant, you're being intentional that the parents discuss and figure out what do we want to be?
• 14:24
  cheryl: As a family.
• 14:25
  cheryl: Yes, yes.
• 14:25
  cheryl: And what kind of person do we want them to be when they're 45 years old and have their own family.
• 14:33
  cheryl: And so that's our direction.
• 14:34
  cheryl: And then I love the positive, not, we don't do this.
• 14:39
  cheryl: We don't do that Like we don't hit, instead of saying that we choose to love and be kind of one another.
• 14:45
  cheryl: Yes.
• 14:45
  cheryl: Is that what
• 14:46
  kelly: you're saying?
• 14:46
  kelly: Yes, exactly.
• 14:47
  kelly: So those Wes are fine.
• 14:48
  kelly: The idea that we as a family have a positive identity, Thinking back to this week's episode on arguing we as a family wear clothes that show only the parts of our body that should be shown
• 15:05
  cheryl: so Kelly as, a child is getting
• 15:07
  Cheryl (2): older And they're spreading their wings or beginning to move out.
• 15:11
  Cheryl (2): Of the more closed family situation, more out into the world as they're heading towards releasing.
• 15:19
  Cheryl (2): So what would it look like?
• 15:20
  Cheryl (2): How would having your family reality, your family identity overall those years?
• 15:26
  Cheryl (2): What
• 15:26
  kelly: would that look like?
• 15:27
  kelly: Because until children are well into.
• 15:31
  kelly: Grade school, middle school.
• 15:33
  kelly: Most of their time is spent with their own family.
• 15:36
  kelly: Yeah.
• 15:37
  kelly: Yeah.
• 15:37
  kelly: Then children start taking your reality out into the public domain and comparing reality.
• 15:45
  kelly: So, Well, something very easy to look at, like in school would be, if you have set for your family reality, You may have a cell phone when you're 16 mm-hmm and then there's a kid in your second grade class that has a cell phone.
• 16:03
  kelly: That doesn't jive with your family reality.
• 16:05
  kelly: So you notice where your realities differ.
• 16:08
  kelly: You probably don't notice where they're the same, cuz that's comfortable.
• 16:12
  kelly: You're uncomfortable when they, when they differ.
• 16:15
  kelly: And then your Child is gonna wonder a little bit why that was, and they, may go home and say, why does this.
• 16:22
  kelly: Child have a cell phone in the second grade.
• 16:25
  kelly: My hope is you may have developed the idea.
• 16:28
  kelly: Enough that your second grader can articulate.
• 16:31
  kelly: Why that child doesn't need a cell phone.
• 16:33
  kelly: Yeah.
• 16:34
  kelly: You know?
• 16:35
  kelly: You can have children that go to someone's house and perhaps not all children But maybe you can.
• 16:41
  kelly: trust them, maybe to maintain your family reality,
• 16:46
  cheryl: well, also, I see it a bit, very much piggybacking with the concept of birthday boxes.
• 16:52
  cheryl: Yes.
• 16:52
  cheryl: That the parents are actually taking the steering wheel and they're driving the car and they're helping.
• 17:00
  cheryl: The direction of where we're gonna go.
• 17:03
  cheryl: And then this is our identity.
• 17:05
  cheryl: We're a family that loves other people right.
• 17:09
  cheryl: And gives.
• 17:10
  cheryl: And so as these children then begin to go out in the world and they see something that's different or something that's alluring to them.
• 17:17
  cheryl: Like, let's go back to The example.
• 17:19
  cheryl: And last episode, The shorts that were yes.
• 17:22
  cheryl: Revealing But if you've established certain identities in your family, then you could refer to the identity.
• 17:32
  cheryl: and apply it to the specific
• 17:34
  kelly: Yes, exactly.
• 17:35
  cheryl: What I see the big benefit, rather than every specific having to make a decision every time you already have,
• 17:43
  Cheryl (2): your family identity
• 17:46
  cheryl: let's just say movies.
• 17:47
  kelly: this is
• 17:48
  Cheryl (2): your family identity
• 17:50
  cheryl: Young children do not go to PG or PG 13, whatever your decision is, you.
• 17:55
  cheryl: And the children don't have to make a decision when a new movie comes out.
• 17:58
  cheryl: Right.
• 17:58
  kelly: It's made for you.
• 18:00
  kelly: Let's say mm-hmm it's like, oh, you can't go to this movie.
• 18:03
  kelly: No, I have to be 13 to go to this movie.
• 18:06
  kelly: It's not that I can't, but there are certain limits on me going to this movie or let's say that like someone.
• 18:14
  kelly: An elderly person leaves a purse or somebody gives the wrong change and you're in a store.
• 18:20
  kelly: Yeah.
• 18:21
  kelly: And your child in the care of someone El another family actually honestly, hands it back and they're like, wow.
• 18:29
  kelly: That was amazing.
• 18:31
  kelly: My kids would never do that, or I, I wonder how did you learn to do that?
• 18:35
  kelly: And it's like, that's who we are.
• 18:37
  kelly: We're the Smiths.
• 18:38
  kelly: we are honest.
• 18:39
  cheryl: Well, I like also another benefit I see, as you're pushing out and going into the world because.
• 18:45
  cheryl: It would be nice if children always saw things the way their parents do.
• 18:49
  cheryl: Oh yeah.
• 18:50
  cheryl: But like that movie.
• 18:52
  cheryl: Oh, can't you go to that movie?
• 18:54
  cheryl: No,
• 18:55
  kelly: I'll be allowed to go to those movies.
• 18:56
  kelly: So I'm 13 as I am 13
• 18:58
  cheryl: or so.
• 18:59
  cheryl: So there it's a protection.
• 19:01
  cheryl: No, that's not our that's our family.
• 19:03
  cheryl: you know, we don't go to those movies.
• 19:05
  cheryl: Right.
• 19:05
  cheryl: And
• 19:05
  kelly: And hopefully again, it's said in the spirit of someday, I'll be able to, yeah, right now I'm not allowed to mm-hmm.
• 19:15
  kelly: If you don't tell my mom, you know, that's what I think a lot of times parents will think, oh my gosh, they're gonna go to the movie.
• 19:21
  kelly: And then they're try not to tell me, or they'll fail to share this piece of our reality with the host family.
• 19:28
  kelly: But if that's the case, then that may be a great opportunity to discuss.
• 19:33
  kelly: Yeah.
• 19:33
  kelly: Is this piece of our reality is this piece of our family that we don't see PG 13 movies until we're at least 13.
• 19:42
  kelly: Is that causing you a problem?
• 19:44
  kelly: Or do you want me to explain why that is?
• 19:48
  kelly: Or do you wanna discuss that movie and what, you know, what was in there that you saw mm-hmm that you feel like you've been missing?
• 19:56
  kelly: Yeah.
• 19:56
  kelly: Or was it a good thing or was it a bad thing,
• 19:59
  cheryl: Yes.
• 20:00
  cheryl: And then you have to go and have the conversations and deal with that.
• 20:04
  cheryl: I love that.
• 20:04
  cheryl: The intentionality of saying this is the kind of family we want to be.
• 20:09
  cheryl: Right.
• 20:09
  cheryl: But just the intentionality and then develop it.
• 20:13
  cheryl: Oh, Kelly.
• 20:14
  cheryl: it's always so great to talk but we're about out of time.
• 20:18
  cheryl: And one of the things everyone's really enjoying are my rapid fires.
• 20:21
  cheryl: Mm.
• 20:22
  cheryl: So you don't know what I'm gonna ask you?
• 20:23
  cheryl: No, so quick answers on this.
• 20:26
  cheryl: So these are questions that parents have given us.
• 20:29
  cheryl: Okay.
• 20:30
  cheryl: And, listeners if y'all want more, if you want us to ask, send them to us, we'll be glad to ask Kelly.
• 20:37
  cheryl: Okay, first question.
• 20:38
  cheryl: Should I be concerned that my child can hold their bladder for hours and hours and hour?
• 20:43
  cheryl: Does it matter?
• 20:44
  cheryl: It's night and
• 20:45
  kelly: day?
• 20:45
  kelly: Well, okay.
• 20:47
  kelly: Not so rapid, but if it's a little girl, I would be a little bit more concerned than if it was a little boy, uh, because of the possibility of urinary tract infections and just the frequent emptying of the bladder is the way we prevent that.
• 21:01
  kelly: But in general, if they're not having urinary tracted infections and they're not having accidents, And they have an immense bladder and can go to lunch before they pee, after all night long, lucky them.
• 21:12
  kelly: It'll it'll go away.
• 21:13
  kelly: When they get older.
• 21:15
  kelly: Okay.
• 21:16
  kelly: We're right
• 21:16
  cheryl: here in the middle of hot summer in Oklahoma yesterday, it was 106.
• 21:22
  cheryl: And 109 with the, uh, heat index.
• 21:25
  cheryl: Didn't
• 21:25
  kelly: fill over 103
• 21:28
  cheryl: Yeah.
• 21:29
  cheryl: Um, okay.
• 21:30
  cheryl: So someone says sunscreen.
• 21:31
  cheryl: I hate the chemical slather, but I don't wanna get sunburn.
• 21:35
  cheryl: Want to protect the skin and we love swimming.
• 21:37
  cheryl: What do you think about sunscreen?
• 21:39
  kelly: I think it's better than skin cancer.
• 21:42
  kelly: Mm-hmm I think if you ever see a tan dermatologist, then that's the person you wanna ask, but you won't find very many they'll be kicked out of the dermatology society.
• 21:52
  kelly: but I think they' make enough clothing.
• 21:55
  kelly: Can cover enough parts of the body that's not chemicals on your skin.
• 22:00
  kelly: Mm-hmm that with hats and rash guard shirts that you could minimize the amount of your body that you put those chemicals on mm-hmm and, and it's one of those things that there's a trade off the chemical for the prevention of a pretty well known cause of skin cancer.
• 22:19
  kelly: Mm-hmm uh, There are people who have certain skin types that they really, really.
• 22:27
  kelly: Be very careful and other people seem to be blessed with skin.
• 22:31
  kelly: It seems like they can tan.
• 22:32
  kelly: Yeah.
• 22:32
  kelly: And never have a burn.
• 22:34
  kelly: And it's mainly avoiding burns and repeated burns and having to repair your skin.
• 22:40
  kelly: but sunscreen's good.
• 22:41
  kelly: But there are alternatives for like little babies.
• 22:44
  kelly: Mm-hmm uh, and just not going out during the time of the day, if it's possible.
• 22:49
  kelly: To do the activities that you do.
• 22:51
  kelly: And if you watch the guys that mow yards for a living, they wear long pants, long sleeves, they have neck guards, hats.
• 22:59
  kelly: Yeah.
• 22:59
  kelly: I don't know if they're wearing sunscreen, but they're doing their best with clothing.
• 23:02
  cheryl: Very good.
• 23:03
  cheryl: And this one.
• 23:04
  cheryl: when to switch from whole milk to 2%.
• 23:08
  kelly: Well, first of all, and you can check the science on this whole milk is 3% milk fat.
• 23:14
  kelly: Oh.
• 23:14
  kelly: So 2% ain't that much less Um, first of all, I guess, why would you drink milk in the first place after your, we, there is no need for us to drink milk.
• 23:24
  kelly: We have become a society addicted to a dairy source of calcium, so we can find other sources of calcium.
• 23:31
  kelly: And I can't think of a child.
• 23:33
  kelly: Ever taken care of.
• 23:34
  kelly: That's actually had a true calcium deficiency that wasn't from an underlying medical problem, but there is no need to drink milk past infancy.
• 23:44
  kelly: And so you don't need to give milk.
• 23:47
  kelly: I have people that try to give their kids chocolate milk because they won't drink milk.
• 23:50
  kelly: And I'm like, they don't need to drink milk.
• 23:51
  kelly: Guess what?
• 23:52
  kelly: They'll eat so much better because they're not getting the chocolate milk calories.
• 23:56
  kelly: But after two, I mean, I'd recommend whole milk.
• 23:59
  kelly: If you're gonna drink milk until you're two.
• 24:02
  kelly: And then you can do whatever.
• 24:04
  cheryl: Wow.
• 24:05
  cheryl: Well, thank you, Kelly.
• 24:06
  cheryl: All of this.
• 24:07
  cheryl: Fantastic again.
• 24:08
  cheryl: Will you come back in next month and let's talk some more.
• 24:11
  cheryl: Sure.
• 24:11
  kelly: I'd love to.
• 24:12
  kelly: Okay.
• 24:12
  kelly: The parenting podcast is definitely on my list.
• 24:16
  kelly: Because I know that it drops every Thursday and so I can look forward to Thursdays getting to listen to just the right length of a podcast.
• 24:26
  kelly: I feel each episode is just enough.
• 24:29
  kelly: It's like a good meal that you just want one more bite or a good vacation where you wish you could stay one more day, but it stops.
• 24:36
  kelly: And so it leaves you wanting more.
• 24:37
  kelly: Wow.
• 24:38
  kelly: Kelly,
• 24:38
  cheryl: thank you, boy.
• 24:40
  cheryl: That feels good.
• 24:41
  cheryl: Okay.
• 24:42
  cheryl: So moms and dads, parents hang in there.
• 24:46
  cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.
• 24:49
  kelly: Yes, it is.
• 24:51
  cheryl: Dr.
• 24:51
  cheryl: Stevens portion of this podcast is for general informational purposes only, and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing, or other professional healthcare services, including the giving of medical advice.
• 25:07
  cheryl: No doctor patient relationship is formed.
• 25:10
  cheryl: The use of the information from Dr.
• 25:12
  cheryl: Stevens portion of this podcast is at the user's own risk.
• 25:16
  cheryl: The content of Dr.
• 25:18
  cheryl: Stephens portion of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment