Latest / Raising ADHD: Real Talk For Parents & Educators / ADHD School Behavior Problems: 3 Moves Parents and Teachers Both Need to Know

Transcript

ADHD School Behavior Problems: 3 Moves Parents and Teachers Both Need to Know · Raising ADHD: Real Talk For Parents & Educators

• 0:00
  Apryl Bradford: It's 2 47 p.m.
• 0:01
  Apryl Bradford: Your phone buzzes and you already know what it is before you even look.
• 0:06
  Apryl Bradford: The subject line, behavior update, or today was a difficult day, or the classic, we need to talk, and your stomach drops because you're not walking into information.
• 0:17
  Apryl Bradford: You're walking into a verdict.
• 0:20
  Apryl Bradford: You open it and it's a list.
• 0:22
  Apryl Bradford: Refused work, called out, disrupted peers, kept touching others, angry, yelled, noncompliant, and then the punchline.
• 0:29
  Apryl Bradford: He missed recess.
• 0:31
  Apryl Bradford: He will make it up with homework.
• 0:33
  Apryl Bradford: Please discuss consequences at home.
• 0:36
  Apryl Bradford: And in that moment, there's three people drowning at once.
• 0:40
  Apryl Bradford: Your child, who's overwhelmed and doesn't have words for it, the teacher who is exhausted and outnumbered and out of tools, and you who's already hanging on by a thread and now you're supposed to be the enforcer.
• 0:53
  Apryl Bradford: This episode is for that moment, not the Pinterest version of ADHD support, the real version.
• 1:01
  Apryl Bradford: And we're going to talk about what actually helps in the classroom and at home when behavior is loud, messy, impulsive, angry, and constant.
• 1:10
  Apryl Bradford: Because here's the truth: most teachers are not bad people, most parents are not failing, and most kids are not choosing to be chaotic.
• 1:22
  Apryl Bradford: This is a skills and nervous system problem, and when we treat it like a moral problem, everybody loses.
• 1:30
  Apryl Bradford: Welcome to Raising ADHD, the podcast for parents and teachers raising ADHD kids.
• 1:36
  Apryl Bradford: If you've ever felt frustrated, overwhelmed, or just unsure what to do next, you're not alone.
• 1:42
  Apryl Bradford: I'm April Bradford, a former teacher and ADHD mom, and alongside my husband, Dr.
• 1:48
  Apryl Bradford: Brian Bradford, a child and adolescent psychiatrist, we're here to give you the clarity, strategies, and support you've been looking for.
• 1:55
  Apryl Bradford: Every week we break down the misconceptions, answer your biggest questions, and share real tools you can use right away at home and in the classroom.
• 2:05
  Apryl Bradford: So if you're ready to feel more confident and less overwhelmed, you're in the right place.
• 2:10
  Apryl Bradford: Hey guys, welcome back to the podcast.
• 2:14
  Apryl Bradford: If you're new here, welcome.
• 2:15
  Apryl Bradford: My name is April Bradford.
• 2:17
  Apryl Bradford: I'm a former teacher, mom, and I hate to tell you, Brian is not with me today.
• 2:22
  Apryl Bradford: I am traveling, and so I am doing the podcast on my own today.
• 2:26
  Apryl Bradford: And so we're diving into classroom stuff.
• 2:29
  Apryl Bradford: We're doing very specific, we're taking evidence-based classroom supports, the kind that the CDC and research consistently point to, and we're going to pull them out of that ideal classroom fantasy, and we're dropping them straight to that moment where your kid is melting down at school and your teacher is emailing you again.
• 2:51
  Apryl Bradford: We're going to cover a lot in this episode, and this is an episode that you are going to want to share with your child's teacher.
• 3:02
  Apryl Bradford: So feel free to share this.
• 3:04
  Apryl Bradford: Feel free to share it with your school principal.
• 3:08
  Apryl Bradford: Share this because I promise this is going to help all the kids that are neurodivergent.
• 3:14
  Apryl Bradford: Okay, before we get started, if you are tired of the daily chaos and meltdowns, I've created a free mini course just for you, Calm the Chaos, the ADHD parent reset.
• 3:26
  Apryl Bradford: In just a few quick lessons, you'll discover simple science-backed tools to bring more peace, connection, and calm into your home.
• 3:33
  Apryl Bradford: No super parent skills required.
• 3:36
  Apryl Bradford: You can grab that at raisingadh.org forward slash calm and start feeling the difference right away.
• 3:44
  Apryl Bradford: Okay, so let's dive in to this episode about the classroom.
• 3:51
  Apryl Bradford: And first of all, I want to acknowledge that both people, just like I said in the opening, not just both people, three people are drowning here.
• 4:04
  Apryl Bradford: Your child, the teacher, and you.
• 4:07
  Apryl Bradford: Everyone is having a hard time, and no one is the bad guy here.
• 4:13
  Apryl Bradford: So I want to start with that.
• 4:15
  Apryl Bradford: So first of all, I want to put you in the classroom.
• 4:19
  Apryl Bradford: Let's name and look at what the teachers are living right now inside of the classroom.
• 4:25
  Apryl Bradford: A classroom of 22 to 30 plus kids, increasing needs, less support, more behavior, more admin pressure, more parents, less time, more testing, more pressure, all of the things.
• 4:44
  Apryl Bradford: And then they have an ADHD kid and it hits their breaking point.
• 4:52
  Apryl Bradford: And so the teacher is facing these two problems.
• 4:56
  Apryl Bradford: Number one, they need a classroom to function.
• 4:59
  Apryl Bradford: And number two, they need this child to stop escalating.
• 5:04
  Apryl Bradford: So they reach for what they have.
• 5:06
  Apryl Bradford: So things like work gets moved to homework if it doesn't get done in the classroom, recess gets taken away because that's the one reward that they know is gonna maybe hopefully make this child behave.
• 5:20
  Apryl Bradford: And behavior charts go home every night covered in red marks and negative comments.
• 5:27
  Apryl Bradford: This is not because the teacher is cruel.
• 5:31
  Apryl Bradford: It's because they too are trying to survive.
• 5:35
  Apryl Bradford: But we know ADHD does not respond to these survival tools.
• 5:41
  Apryl Bradford: ADHD responds to immediate feedback, consistent reinforcement, and scaffolding at the moment the brain is failing.
• 5:52
  Apryl Bradford: So not at night, at home, after the parent reads the note.
• 5:56
  Apryl Bradford: It's right there in that moment the brain needs scaffolding.
• 5:59
  Apryl Bradford: So when we punish an executive function deficit, because that's what ADHD is, we're not teaching skills.
• 6:08
  Apryl Bradford: All we're doing is creating shame in these kids.
• 6:11
  Apryl Bradford: And shame always comes back louder and louder and louder.
• 6:17
  Apryl Bradford: The behavior gets worse and worse and worse.
• 6:20
  Apryl Bradford: So I'm going to say this as clearly as I can.
• 6:25
  Apryl Bradford: Taking away recess is one of the worst things you can do for an ADHD kid.
• 6:33
  Apryl Bradford: Honestly, any kid.
• 6:35
  Apryl Bradford: So do not take away recess.
• 6:52
  Apryl Bradford: Recess is not a reward, especially for our ADHD kids.
• 6:57
  Apryl Bradford: It's regulation.
• 6:58
  Apryl Bradford: It's the nervous system getting what it needs so the brain can come back online.
• 7:03
  Apryl Bradford: There's so much research about this, about how after 20 minutes of good vigorous movement, the ADHD brain can come back online for about 60 minutes.
• 7:19
  Apryl Bradford: Even the American Academy of Pediatrics has pushed back on withholding recess as a punishment because kids need physical activity for health and learning, not something to earn.
• 7:31
  Apryl Bradford: So if your kid is impulsive, loud, fidgety, disruptive, and we remove movement, we remove the very thing that's helping them do better the next part of the day.
• 7:46
  Apryl Bradford: It's like saying you're struggling to see the board, so you know what?
• 7:49
  Apryl Bradford: I'm gonna take away your glasses until you try harder.
• 7:53
  Apryl Bradford: That's not discipline.
• 7:55
  Apryl Bradford: That's literally mismatch.
• 7:57
  Apryl Bradford: It doesn't even make sense.
• 7:59
  Apryl Bradford: So if you're a parent, this part is going to feel relieving, hopefully.
• 8:06
  Apryl Bradford: ADHD kids, as you know, don't change because we explain consequences at 8 p.m.
• 8:13
  Apryl Bradford: They change because support shows up in the moment their brain is failing.
• 8:19
  Apryl Bradford: This is why the CDC points to behavioral classroom management, systems that reinforce the behaviors you want when they happen in real time.
• 8:31
  Apryl Bradford: So if you're a teacher listening to this, those behavior notes coming home saying all the bad things, and then please talk to your kid at home, that's not helping.
• 8:42
  Apryl Bradford: That scaffolding has to happen at school at the time of behavior.
• 8:49
  Apryl Bradford: And it's not more lectures, not more delayed punishment, and no more clip charts that broadcast failure all day long.
• 8:58
  Apryl Bradford: This is real-time reinforcement.
• 9:01
  Apryl Bradford: So, as a teacher, this is the most important shift that you can make.
• 9:06
  Apryl Bradford: Instead of paying attention and saying, oh, this kid is they're doing this wrong, they're doing this wrong, doing this wrong, start asking yourself, what do I want to catch this kid doing right?
• 9:17
  Apryl Bradford: What's that behavior that is driving me absolutely crazy?
• 9:21
  Apryl Bradford: And I'm gonna start noticing the positive opposite.
• 9:28
  Apryl Bradford: If you only remember one phrase from this podcast episode, remember this one.
• 9:34
  Apryl Bradford: Praise the positive opposite.
• 9:37
  Apryl Bradford: This comes from Behavior Science Approaches, which was popularized by Alan Kasden.
• 9:46
  Apryl Bradford: He is over, I'm gonna butcher the name of it, but it's at Yale, and it's like he works with very defiant kids.
• 9:54
  Apryl Bradford: It's like the um child behavior, and he's done years and years of research on this.
• 10:02
  Apryl Bradford: And when you stop feeding attention to the behavior you hate, you start reinforcing the behavior you want instead.
• 10:11
  Apryl Bradford: Now, I hate to compare this to our kids to dogs, but I'm going to.
• 10:17
  Apryl Bradford: So I apologize.
• 10:18
  Apryl Bradford: Think about when you're doing dog training.
• 10:22
  Apryl Bradford: If you ever have watched anyone do dog training, they do not even respond to the bad behavior.
• 10:30
  Apryl Bradford: They only respond to the good behavior.
• 10:32
  Apryl Bradford: They're paying attention, the dog gets loves, pats, treats when the dog does the behavior that the trainer's looking for.
• 10:40
  Apryl Bradford: Our kids are the same way.
• 10:42
  Apryl Bradford: So instead of living in this, stop furting out, raise your hand, stop touching, stop doing this, get to work, we want to shift to I see you raised your hand.
• 10:54
  Apryl Bradford: I see you kept your hands to yourself for that whole minute.
• 10:58
  Apryl Bradford: I see you started, even though you didn't want to.
• 11:01
  Apryl Bradford: Paying attention to the positive opposite.
• 11:04
  Apryl Bradford: Because the behavior that gets reinforced, whether it's negative or positive reinforcement, is the one that gets repeated.
• 11:14
  Apryl Bradford: This also rewires our brains as the adult.
• 11:20
  Apryl Bradford: Teachers and parents get trained into this negativity loop, right?
• 11:25
  Apryl Bradford: You start scanning for danger or problems that are gonna happen or for what's gonna go wrong, and then you only see what confirms what your brain is looking for.
• 11:37
  Apryl Bradford: So when we practice noticing this positive opposite on purpose, we start to break that loop.
• 11:44
  Apryl Bradford: And this isn't because we're delusional, it's because our attention is like a flashlight, and we can choose where we aim it.
• 11:54
  Apryl Bradford: And then our brain is going to start noticing that.
• 11:57
  Apryl Bradford: And just like with gratitude or anything, the more you start to notice the positive, the better you start to feel about life.
• 12:06
  Apryl Bradford: Same with this child.
• 12:08
  Apryl Bradford: The more you start to notice the good things about this child, because even if you are so just in desperation right now, and you're like, there's not a good thing about this kid, there is.
• 12:20
  Apryl Bradford: Every human has good in them, and every kid has good in them, and no kid is trying to be a bad kid.
• 12:28
  Apryl Bradford: There are no bad kids, just bad behaviors, right?
• 12:32
  Apryl Bradford: So look, even if it's the tiniest thing, I promise I have had some very hard kids in my classroom, and you know, now that I'm not in the classroom with them, I look back and I'm like, my gosh, they were so kind and polite, or they were funny, and maybe in the moment I wasn't finding it funny, but they're a funny kid, like, notice those things, notice those good things, okay?
• 12:58
  Apryl Bradford: So let's drop into that moment in the classroom for just a second.
• 13:03
  Apryl Bradford: Your child or the student is angry, they're refusing work, they've pushed the paper off the table, they've shoved their desk out of the way, they're shouting, you know, they're like maybe getting violent or you they're bugging someone.
• 13:20
  Apryl Bradford: You know what I'm talking about.
• 13:22
  Apryl Bradford: And you are at your wit's end as a teacher.
• 13:27
  Apryl Bradford: Here are three moves that are research aligned and real life doable.
• 13:33
  Apryl Bradford: And parents, you are going to be saying, Amen, thank you so much for saying this.
• 13:41
  Apryl Bradford: Move number one: don't add work.
• 13:45
  Apryl Bradford: Don't add more work to this child.
• 13:48
  Apryl Bradford: Add structure.
• 13:50
  Apryl Bradford: If the work isn't getting done, the solution isn't, then it becomes homework.
• 13:56
  Apryl Bradford: Because let me tell you what an ADHD also looks like when this child gets home.
• 14:01
  Apryl Bradford: When the child gets home, if they are medicated, medication is totally wore off.
• 14:06
  Apryl Bradford: Do you know how hard it is to get a kid with homework to do their homework when they don't have any medication in them?
• 14:13
  Apryl Bradford: It's extremely hard.
• 14:15
  Apryl Bradford: And the kid is totally exhausted, and it ends up being a family fight all night long.
• 14:24
  Apryl Bradford: If you want to be able to support this kid, also support their family.
• 14:28
  Apryl Bradford: Support what happens at night, and that's not by adding more work.
• 14:33
  Apryl Bradford: So instead of saying, okay, this is homework, reduce, reduce the task to prove mastery.
• 14:42
  Apryl Bradford: This is not lowering the standard.
• 14:45
  Apryl Bradford: This is not saying, oh, it's okay that they didn't get this.
• 14:47
  Apryl Bradford: This is lowering the load.
• 14:50
  Apryl Bradford: Because let's be honest for just a second, and I want you to really think about this.
• 14:54
  Apryl Bradford: If a child, you give them a worksheet of 10 problems, right?
• 14:59
  Apryl Bradford: If they can do the first three, they probably have mastered it.
• 15:04
  Apryl Bradford: They're probably doing just fine.
• 15:06
  Apryl Bradford: And they can prove that in three or five problems.
• 15:10
  Apryl Bradford: If they can't do the first three, is doing 10 more problems the wrong way, really, what you want them to do?
• 15:18
  Apryl Bradford: You want them to sit and practice this the wrong way.
• 15:21
  Apryl Bradford: No.
• 15:22
  Apryl Bradford: So reduce the task.
• 15:26
  Apryl Bradford: Give them three to five problems.
• 15:29
  Apryl Bradford: And, you know, you can say, show me five problems that prove you get it.
• 15:34
  Apryl Bradford: So just give them five problems or three problems.
• 15:37
  Apryl Bradford: Sometimes, depending on how dysregulated this kid, it may be one problem.
• 15:42
  Apryl Bradford: One to two problems you can see pretty dang quick if the child knows what they're doing or not.
• 15:48
  Apryl Bradford: Do not add more, do not expect them to do this whole thing.
• 15:53
  Apryl Bradford: Move number two, replace punishment with a reset and return.
• 16:00
  Apryl Bradford: So instead of okay, you're gonna have to stay in five minutes from the recess.
• 16:06
  Apryl Bradford: Okay, you're gonna have to stay in ten minutes from recess.
• 16:08
  Apryl Bradford: Okay, you've lost your whole recess now.
• 16:09
  Apryl Bradford: And I say this guilty as can be.
• 16:12
  Apryl Bradford: And I look back now and I'm like, oh my gosh, I wish I would have known better.
• 16:16
  Apryl Bradford: That's why I'm doing this, is so you don't repeat the mistakes that I made.
• 16:21
  Apryl Bradford: So instead, try a two-minute reset, then return with a micro goal goal.
• 16:30
  Apryl Bradford: So, for example, go get a drink in the hallway, go walk to Miss McDonald's class and back, go do go out in the hall and do 10 wall push-ups, go to the quiet corner and draw a picture, read your favorite book, whatever it is that they they like to do, something that will settle them, or a movement job.
• 16:52
  Apryl Bradford: They these kids really love to be helpful.
• 16:55
  Apryl Bradford: Hey, I need you to take this over to Mrs.
• 16:58
  Apryl Bradford: Manning's class.
• 16:59
  Apryl Bradford: Can you take this over to her, please?
• 17:01
  Apryl Bradford: And I know this as a teacher, you have your teaching besties, right?
• 17:07
  Apryl Bradford: And you can when you can set up like a system when they see, like, here's this stack of worksheets that's coming to your classroom, just know it was to get him out of the class or her out of the class to get that movement break.
• 17:21
  Apryl Bradford: And you just take it, you say, Oh, thank you.
• 17:23
  Apryl Bradford: And you just work that out with your teaching bestie, right?
• 17:26
  Apryl Bradford: So give them a job.
• 17:29
  Apryl Bradford: Then when they come back, they have the micro goal.
• 17:33
  Apryl Bradford: So take a two-minute reset and then come back and do the first problem only.
• 17:38
  Apryl Bradford: I just want you to do the first problem.
• 17:40
  Apryl Bradford: Sometimes that's too much.
• 17:42
  Apryl Bradford: Write your name, write the first letter of your name.
• 17:45
  Apryl Bradford: That task initiation can sometimes be the hardest part.
• 17:48
  Apryl Bradford: And especially if they're looking at the whole worksheet of 25 problems.
• 17:52
  Apryl Bradford: So write one sentence only, open the book only.
• 17:56
  Apryl Bradford: See how simple that can be?
• 17:58
  Apryl Bradford: ADHD brains restart through momentum, not lectures.
• 18:04
  Apryl Bradford: And then move number three is reinforce the start.
• 18:09
  Apryl Bradford: For ADHD kids, starting is the boss battle.
• 18:14
  Apryl Bradford: So reward the start, not the perfect finish.
• 18:17
  Apryl Bradford: They may not ever finish.
• 18:19
  Apryl Bradford: But thank them for opening the book.
• 18:22
  Apryl Bradford: Thank you for writing your name.
• 18:24
  Apryl Bradford: Thank you for opening your book.
• 18:25
  Apryl Bradford: Thank you for trying that first problem.
• 18:27
  Apryl Bradford: Doesn't even matter if they got it right or not, just recognizing that they started is huge.
• 18:35
  Apryl Bradford: This is not lowering expectations.
• 18:38
  Apryl Bradford: It's teaching, you're literally teaching these kids' brains how to start engaging.
• 18:46
  Apryl Bradford: And that if you want to start seeing progress over time, this is what's going to give you progress.
• 18:54
  Apryl Bradford: Guarantee those notes home every single night haven't given you any progress yet.
• 18:59
  Apryl Bradford: So now, parents, you may be listening to this and you're like, well, that sounds lovely.
• 19:07
  Apryl Bradford: I wish my kids' teacher would do this, right?
• 19:10
  Apryl Bradford: So, how do you tell teachers what your kids need without sounding like you're blaming?
• 19:17
  Apryl Bradford: That's a really good question.
• 19:20
  Apryl Bradford: And how do you say, I can't take another day of this negative report?
• 19:25
  Apryl Bradford: I'm drowning.
• 19:26
  Apryl Bradford: I literally, when my son was in kindergarten, I would go to my teaching bestie's classroom after school and cry to her because every single day his teacher was coming to my classroom telling me all the things he did wrong that day.
• 19:47
  Apryl Bradford: And I was like, I can't take this anymore.
• 19:51
  Apryl Bradford: What like I just wanted to say, and I was I was very young then, and so I didn't say things like this, which I should have, but I just wanted to say if you wouldn't call home to tell me.
• 19:59
  Apryl Bradford: This don't come to my classroom and tell me this just because it's convenient that I'm down the hall, don't do it.
• 20:04
  Apryl Bradford: It doesn't help to hear those, right?
• 20:06
  Apryl Bradford: And especially when you're like, I don't know what to do, like you're drowning as a parent.
• 20:11
  Apryl Bradford: So here's something that you can literally like word for word, copy paste this.
• 20:20
  Apryl Bradford: So here is an email or a text or however you communicate with your teacher.
• 20:26
  Apryl Bradford: Hey there, or hi, Mrs.
• 20:29
  Apryl Bradford: Mr.
• 20:29
  Apryl Bradford: So and so.
• 20:30
  Apryl Bradford: I can tell things have been really hard lately, and I appreciate how much you're trying.
• 20:35
  Apryl Bradford: We're struggling at home too, and I want us to be on the same team.
• 20:39
  Apryl Bradford: Can we try a simple plan for the next two weeks?
• 20:43
  Apryl Bradford: Number one, please don't remove recess for behavior.
• 20:47
  Apryl Bradford: Movement helps him or her regulate.
• 20:51
  Apryl Bradford: Number two, if possible, can we pick two school goals only?
• 20:56
  Apryl Bradford: Example, raise hand and start work within two minutes.
• 21:01
  Apryl Bradford: And for some of our kiddos, like raising the hand, it's not even like all day.
• 21:08
  Apryl Bradford: We want to start so small.
• 21:09
  Apryl Bradford: Like raising the hand during the math lesson only, or at carpet time in the morning only.
• 21:18
  Apryl Bradford: Like if we can just start very small and get small successes, these are gonna stack up over time.
• 21:25
  Apryl Bradford: I promise you.
• 21:26
  Apryl Bradford: It may feel like it's gonna take forever, but think about think about what you've been doing.
• 21:30
  Apryl Bradford: Is it working?
• 21:31
  Apryl Bradford: I'm guessing probably not.
• 21:32
  Apryl Bradford: You wouldn't be work listening to this if it was working.
• 21:34
  Apryl Bradford: So very small steps, and it's gonna work over time.
• 21:39
  Apryl Bradford: And then number three, sorry, I that was don't copy and paste all that.
• 21:44
  Apryl Bradford: Number three to copy and paste here.
• 21:47
  Apryl Bradford: Can we add one positive note daily, even one sentence?
• 21:51
  Apryl Bradford: So home isn't only consequences.
• 21:54
  Apryl Bradford: If I know it's working at school, I can reinforce the same skills at home.
• 21:59
  Apryl Bradford: Notice how we're reinforcing positive skills what's working at school instead of punishing our kids when they get home.
• 22:06
  Apryl Bradford: There you go.
• 22:07
  Apryl Bradford: Don't copy and paste that either.
• 22:09
  Apryl Bradford: Here's your next copy and paste.
• 22:11
  Apryl Bradford: I'm not asking for perfection, just a plan we can both sustain.
• 22:14
  Apryl Bradford: That's it.
• 22:15
  Apryl Bradford: Not a TED talk, not a defense case, not a team plan.
• 22:20
  Apryl Bradford: And if the teacher needs something from you, you can also add.
• 22:23
  Apryl Bradford: I always do this.
• 22:24
  Apryl Bradford: I try to like let my teachers know when I go in the first of the year, like, hey, if you ever need anything, please let me know.
• 22:31
  Apryl Bradford: Please, you know, if you need tissues.
• 22:33
  Apryl Bradford: Tissues are always like classrooms, always need tissues.
• 22:36
  Apryl Bradford: Send in a box of tissues.
• 22:38
  Apryl Bradford: Um, but tell me what would make your day easier.
• 22:40
  Apryl Bradford: I want to support you too.
• 22:42
  Apryl Bradford: Because guess what?
• 22:44
  Apryl Bradford: Teachers rarely hear that.
• 22:46
  Apryl Bradford: Teachers, especially nowadays, I mean, we can see it.
• 22:49
  Apryl Bradford: Look across the nation.
• 22:50
  Apryl Bradford: We're losing teachers left and right.
• 22:52
  Apryl Bradford: They need our support just like we need their support, right?
• 22:56
  Apryl Bradford: So we are a team on this.
• 22:58
  Apryl Bradford: So that is what I suggest for elementary school.
• 23:05
  Apryl Bradford: And I want to touch base here really quick with elementary versus teens, because teens will absolutely revolt if we treat them like a second grader.
• 23:16
  Apryl Bradford: We all know this.
• 23:18
  Apryl Bradford: So elementary kids need that visual structure, they need immediate reinforcement, they need frequent, frequent resets, short tasks and clear wins, and lots of caught you doing it right moments.
• 23:32
  Apryl Bradford: And parents can use that at home, shrinking homework into chunks, using a timer and break up the rhythm, rewarding the start and the return, not the perfection, and emailing the teacher asking for those two goals in one positive note.
• 23:49
  Apryl Bradford: That's that's what we're gonna do for our elementary kids.
• 23:52
  Apryl Bradford: And I want you to know, parents and teachers listening to this.
• 23:57
  Apryl Bradford: I would say, even at home, well, number one, I'm not a believer of homework in the elementary school years, just reading aloud math facts.
• 24:08
  Apryl Bradford: I do believe in math facts because I've seen the struggle from teaching young elementary to old elementary and just being a math teacher, how much struggle they struggle with if they don't know the math facts, so quick.
• 24:20
  Apryl Bradford: And there's so many games.
• 24:21
  Apryl Bradford: I mean, so many apps and games, like make it a game, make it fun.
• 24:24
  Apryl Bradford: They can totally do that.
• 24:26
  Apryl Bradford: Math facts, reading, and then spelling if they have spelling.
• 24:31
  Apryl Bradford: That's it.
• 24:32
  Apryl Bradford: We're not doing worksheets, we're not doing any of that.
• 24:36
  Apryl Bradford: And if your kid can't sit and read, read to them, get audiobooks, turn on the TV, turn off the volume, and only have captions.
• 24:45
  Apryl Bradford: Sometimes we have to do what we have to do.
• 24:47
  Apryl Bradford: You know what I'm saying, right?
• 24:48
  Apryl Bradford: So that's what we're gonna do for our elementary school kiddos.
• 24:52
  Apryl Bradford: So for our teens, what they need is they need dignity and privacy and autonomy with structure and then collaboration with them, not control.
• 25:03
  Apryl Bradford: So, what should that look like at school?
• 25:07
  Apryl Bradford: We need private cueing for them, never public call-outs.
• 25:12
  Apryl Bradford: Even with our elementary school kiddos, public call out count, public call outs are not good, especially if they're negative.
• 25:19
  Apryl Bradford: Um, a reset path.
• 25:21
  Apryl Bradford: So a quick break without drama, like, hey, you can have a signal or like hey, I'm just gonna raise my hand, you know that I need to go out, whatever.
• 25:30
  Apryl Bradford: Reduced workload to demonstrate mastery, same thing.
• 25:34
  Apryl Bradford: Our teenage kids still need that reduced workload because they still go home and they still have that restraint collapse after school.
• 25:44
  Apryl Bradford: So if we can lower their load, super helpful.
• 25:49
  Apryl Bradford: And then coaching language, use coaching language with them.
• 25:54
  Apryl Bradford: Things like what's the smallest first step?
• 25:57
  Apryl Bradford: Um, do you want music or silence?
• 26:00
  Apryl Bradford: Which class is hardest and why?
• 26:02
  Apryl Bradford: And parents can say to the our upper grade teachers, if you're correcting him in front of peers, it will escalate.
• 26:11
  Apryl Bradford: Can you cue him privately?
• 26:13
  Apryl Bradford: That one change can save the entire semester.
• 26:18
  Apryl Bradford: So if you're a teacher listening to this, here's the tip that will change everything for you.
• 26:26
  Apryl Bradford: Stop sending home a list of what went wrong.
• 26:29
  Apryl Bradford: Send home a win and then a pattern that maybe you noticed, okay?
• 26:35
  Apryl Bradford: This is not shouting out blah blah blah.
• 26:37
  Apryl Bradford: No.
• 26:38
  Apryl Bradford: Because guess what?
• 26:39
  Apryl Bradford: Parents don't need a crime report about the kids.
• 26:42
  Apryl Bradford: So try this template, okay?
• 26:45
  Apryl Bradford: One win.
• 26:46
  Apryl Bradford: Always start with the win.
• 26:47
  Apryl Bradford: He came back after a reset.
• 26:49
  Apryl Bradford: He helped a classmate, he tried again, he told a funny joke.
• 26:54
  Apryl Bradford: Anything, something positive, right?
• 26:56
  Apryl Bradford: He held the door open for Mrs.
• 26:58
  Apryl Bradford: So and so.
• 26:59
  Apryl Bradford: And then you can write about today's trigger.
• 27:06
  Apryl Bradford: And I would say it's only on those beh the behaviors that you're working on.
• 27:15
  Apryl Bradford: So we're working on raising our hand, right?
• 27:20
  Apryl Bradford: What helped?
• 27:22
  Apryl Bradford: Or if you are looking at triggers, like, hey, we're noticing lots of meltdowns, what's happening?
• 27:27
  Apryl Bradford: Don't write about every single one.
• 27:29
  Apryl Bradford: Today's trigger was transition to from uh math to library.
• 27:36
  Apryl Bradford: What helped?
• 27:37
  Apryl Bradford: Was it a movement break?
• 27:38
  Apryl Bradford: Was it a smaller task?
• 27:39
  Apryl Bradford: Was it a private cue?
• 27:41
  Apryl Bradford: Was it, you know, sending them over to Mrs.
• 27:44
  Apryl Bradford: So and so's class with a delivery, right?
• 27:50
  Apryl Bradford: What was it that that worked?
• 27:52
  Apryl Bradford: That's it.
• 27:54
  Apryl Bradford: So the win, the trigger, what helped?
• 27:57
  Apryl Bradford: That builds trust.
• 27:59
  Apryl Bradford: And trust is what keeps parents going into fight or flight every time their phone buzzes.
• 28:06
  Apryl Bradford: Because parents aren't trying to be the bad guy either and trying to attack teachers.
• 28:11
  Apryl Bradford: They're just so worn out.
• 28:14
  Apryl Bradford: I promise you, they're so worn out because the battle that you see at school doesn't go away at home either.
• 28:21
  Apryl Bradford: They're living with it day in and day out as well.
• 28:25
  Apryl Bradford: So if school feels like a battlefield for you right now, it doesn't mean your child's doomed.
• 28:32
  Apryl Bradford: It doesn't mean the teacher is a villain, and it doesn't mean you're failing.
• 28:36
  Apryl Bradford: It means that the supports are aimed at the wrong target.
• 28:41
  Apryl Bradford: ADHD kids don't need more fear.
• 28:43
  Apryl Bradford: They need more structure at the moment of failure, not consequences when they get home because of all the bad notes, right?
• 28:50
  Apryl Bradford: And they need more reinforcement when they do something right, the positive, right?
• 28:57
  Apryl Bradford: And parents, as you know, you don't need more bad news.
• 29:01
  Apryl Bradford: You need a team.
• 29:03
  Apryl Bradford: You need someone who's on the same team as you with the same plan, the same goal, and a way to see your kid clearly again beyond just the behavior.
• 29:14
  Apryl Bradford: Because underneath all that chaos is a kid.
• 29:19
  Apryl Bradford: Look at him in the eyes again.
• 29:22
  Apryl Bradford: It's a kid who they're not trying to be like this.
• 29:26
  Apryl Bradford: Like I said at the beginning, there's not bad kids, just bad behaviors.
• 29:31
  Apryl Bradford: If your teacher share this with a a colleague who's at their limits.
• 29:36
  Apryl Bradford: Because guess what?
• 29:37
  Apryl Bradford: You're not alone.
• 29:39
  Apryl Bradford: You're not alone in this.
• 29:40
  Apryl Bradford: You are on a team, and we've got your back.
• 29:45
  Apryl Bradford: Alright.
• 29:46
  Apryl Bradford: Don't forget to share this with your kids' teacher, your kids' principal.
• 29:49
  Apryl Bradford: Hopefully they share it out to their schools.
• 29:51
  Apryl Bradford: Share, share, share.
• 29:53
  Apryl Bradford: Because these things are what's going to move the needle.
• 29:57
  Apryl Bradford: Because, like I said earlier in the episode, what you're doing isn't making a difference.
• 30:02
  Apryl Bradford: Try these out.
• 30:03
  Apryl Bradford: I'll see you next week.
• 30:06
  Brian Bradford: Thanks so much for joining us for today's conversation on raising ADHD.
• 30:10
  Brian Bradford: Remember, raising ADHD kids doesn't have to feel overwhelming.
• 30:13
  Brian Bradford: Small shifts can make a big difference.
• 30:16
  Brian Bradford: If you found this episode helpful, it would mean the world if you would hit subscribe, if you'd leave a review, or if you shared it with another parent or teacher who needs this support.
• 30:25
  Brian Bradford: And don't forget to join us next week for more real talk, practical tips, and encouragement.
• 30:29
  Brian Bradford: Until then, you've got this, and we've got your back.