Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 132 | We Are Raising Wise Adults, Not Foolish Children

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Ep. 132 | We Are Raising Wise Adults, Not Foolish Children · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  And that's actually one of our like gospels, for lack of a better term, is that desire is actually the ultimate thing. Hey guys, welcome to the 5-Minute Fatherhood Podcast. I'm your co-host, Jeff Bethke, along with my friend and mentor, Jeremy Pryor. Join us Monday through Friday as we chat about quick tips, skills, and ways to help equip you on your journey as a father to build your multi-generational family team on mission. Stay tuned.
• 0:32
  What's up, guys? Jeff and Jeremy here. Another fun topic for today, and that is the concept or the fact that you have to remind yourself that we are raising wise adults, not coddling foolish children. This is deeply, deeply important, and you have to have this in the back of your mind as you're parenting, because if you don't have the long play in mind, if you don't have the future in mind…
• 0:52
  It will change how you parent right now. It absolutely will change how you parent when they ask for something that you don't want them to have, when they cry, when they whine. It will completely change how you live in that situation based on the, and that's even true by the way of anything, right? Our future hope, how we live as a Christian is based on the future hope we think we will see in the future. Future hope or the future vision always will inform the present. And that's deeply, deeply important. But Jeremy, what would you say about this or what's your thoughts behind this?
• 1:19
  We talk a lot about how important it is to be both a high demand, high support parent. And so a lot of times when you find yourself sort of having a difficult time with the high demand side, maybe you're really good at supporting your kids, showing that you love them, enjoying their childhood, but when they really need you to be a little bit more like, no, you're gonna stick with this. You've made a commitment, you're gonna follow through with this. I need you to step up. You find yourself really giving in in those times
• 1:47
  One of the tools that you need to really begin to employ, and there's really a key to this, and that is you need to begin to imagine your kids in the future, probably in like I always think of the mid-30s, right? So if one of my kids is like really struggling, was just talking to like Sydney the other day about this. I just said, hey, Sydney, the reason why I'm saying I need you to stick with this is because I care more about what the 34-year-old Sydney thinks than what the 15-year-old Sydney thinks, right? And this goes all the way down to when your kids are really little. Yeah.
• 2:17
  I am trying—my vision is for that adult, wise woman to look back on the way that I fathered her and to really understand why I'm doing what I'm doing now. I don't expect you as a 5-year-old or 10-year-old or even a 15-year-old to get it, right? I don't expect you to. I expect you to respect what I'm doing, to understand that I love you.
• 2:40
  But there are a lot of times when I'm going to hold the line in an area where you want me to budge. I'm not going to budge because I care about the 34-year-old Sydney. That's why I'm doing it. And so a lot of this comes down to how high resolution is your vision for that future child of yours? And some of my friends have really—and we've done this as well—
• 2:59
  written out narratives of our kids when they're older, just to try to bring more resolution to that future picture, because we're finding it difficult to not just grieve around the loss of their childhood, wanting them to just experience all the fun and wonder of childhood, which is, of course, very important. But when...
• 3:18
  Those moments come where you need to be the parent and not the friend, when you need to hold the line and not give in. It really is going to come down to what's your vision? Do you really want to see them see that adult child, that wise adult child come into being? And are you primarily aiming at that person as opposed to just coddling the current child in their current state? But Jeff, what do you think about that?
• 3:46
  Yeah, no, I agree. And I think it plays out, like you said, all the way until they're into adulthood or even the really early years right now, which usually tends to be, I would say, we see it the most in really highly emotionally driven situations of like, hey, no, I believe that you... Because here's the sad part about, I think, the West is we're so hedonistic. We're so driven by impulse and desire. And I mean, that's actually one of our gospels, for lack of a better term, is that desire is actually the ultimate thing. It's the ultimate truth.
• 4:14
  And you have to be shaped towards an alternative future for you to not believe that. And God seems to be painting an alternative vision of that that's not always the case and that's not always the truth. And so, yeah, I would say it shows up real big time in the younger kid stage with that, with just like emotional impulse, with desire. And if that's not curbed, if that's not...
• 4:36
  shaped, if that's not formed into self-control, um, into wisdom, then it usually doesn't, doesn't end well. And so, uh, that's what I would say guys is, yeah, it's, it's, there's a level at which your active parenting can turn your child into a wise adult, or there's one where it kind of just stays neutral and that's what makes them foolish, right? Like if you just kind of let them stuff just keeps going, then they just stay like that, but we're not meant to stay like that. So they stay at a certain capacity while actually growing in their
• 5:04
  age. And then that disconnect becomes more heightened, if that makes sense. And I think that's really, really seen with a lot of men in their twenties and thirties and stuff like that, that still seem like certain things weren't mitigated or controlled or, um, kind of processed against in a lot of levels. And so that's really, really important. And it starts young. And I would say it actually, the job is easier if you start right away.
• 5:24
  right? If you kind of set that tone, set that foundation of this is actually the goal of parenting is to form you, right? It's to form you into a particular image, right? Of your full self that Jesus has for you. And that's the truth of all of us in sanctification. And so I think that's the last reminder I'll leave with you is first of all, understand that's God's goal for you as an adult, right? Is to constantly be formed into the image of him. And then by God's grace, by the power of the spirit, you lovingly, compassionately, gently can also be part of that process alongside God for your children as well.
• 5:56
  Hey guys, one of our favorite places to hang out on is the family teams, Instagram. That is where you will find tips, quotes, tricks, and a bunch of other conversational things to help you build your family team on mission. If you're on Instagram and you want to get encouragement as you do this and build your family team, just head over to Instagram and follow us at family teams.